Rocko's Modern Life

Rocko's Modern Life was an animated series whose four seasons aired from 1993 to 1996.

Rocko

• "SPUNKY!!!"
• X day/night is a very dangerous day/night.
• You know, Spunky, sometimes grocery day can be a very dangerous day, but at least we got food.
• "Excuse me, Earl... but garbage and dogs are not part of a balanced diet."
• "Heh heh, oh my..."
• "It's Heffer, on the Television, playing with sausage!?"
• "Come on Hef, let's go. I believe I'm bleeding internally."
• "Good as new."
• "For the love of cake!!! hide me!!!"
• "What in the hello."
• "If this marriage is going to break up our friendship, I'd rather be deported!"
• "I don't want to sleep! I don't need sleep! I am the walking living!"
• "Why are you all dressed like wienies?"
• "SHUT UP!!!
• "Oh, a sad, crying clown in an iron lung, I've always wanted one."
• You CHEAP LITTLE ROTTER! First I’ve been run over by a car, Then they made drive around a gimp shopping cart, then i was threatened by your Gestapo security guards, then they had me set my head on fire, then I was attacked by wild lobsters, then i was beaten up by a very large woman, then they had me dog wrapped in plastic, then i nearly starved to death, and now I still beat the 12:00 deadline! So if you don’t change that total back to a dollar fifty right now, I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!!!

Heffer Wolffe

• "THERE'S VERMIN IN MY ROOM!"
• "Look, it's the Grim Recycler!"
• "That was a hoot!"
• "Look out everyone! He's visually impaired!"
• "Through the use of sophisticated computer technology, and a box of crayons, we have constructed a likeness of Dingo today."
• "Chuck? Leon? Is my sausage skin suit ready? Chuuuck? Leeooon!"
• "Naaakeeed."
• "Maybe We should try new Tropicial Plumber".
• "Chewey Chicken is people!"
• "I'm a glutton (pronounced as glue-ton)!"
• "(imitating Crappie Jack's accent) "So there I was, delirious with scurvy. The only thing standing between me and me treasure was 100 of the ugliest pirates known to Neptune."
• "I'll make ya walk the poop deck ya big. . poop!"
• "Man, it was great being old. Without my teeth, I could swallow food whole!"
• "I don't OWN any spandex!"
• "If you were a true friend, you'd burn my butt. C'mon, brand me, brand me, brand me."
• "Hey, Rocko. Which is funnier, bananas or cheese?"
• "Hey, Rock, do that funny face you make when you're buying eggs."
• "Go tune a petunia at once, corn cob!"
• "Makes a great meat substitute for undershorts!"
• "You know, I died once."
• "You'll have to excuse my friend here. He's never been old before."
• "Go away. Go to your homes. I will be your freak no more."

Filburt

• "I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous..."
• "You turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands..."
• "Oh fishsticks."
• "Oh boy!"
• "Well this is your mom!"
• "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing adequately."
• "Hey, pal! Get your buns out of my eyes!!
• GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME HEFFER!!!
• "Citizens of Conglom-O, repeat after me. 'Wee-wee!'"
• "Hey Hef, ask me what time it is."
• (referring to Rocko getting a glass of milk naked) "And he ain't dressed for the occasion, if ya know what I mean!"
• Look behind you! A wild pig!
• High-five?
• Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.
• Oh, fiddle-dee-dee.

Ed Bighead

• "You saw my wife in her BATHROBE?! ... Isn't it awful?"
• "I hate my life."
• "I HAVE NO SON!"
• "I'm calling the pound!"
• "Hey you! Get out of my salmon bushes!"
• "Ed good, Rocko bad!"
• "That sounded like a clown. I hate clowns..."
• "GET OFF MY PROPERTY!"

Dialogue

(Mr. & Mrs. Fathead on screen...)

Mrs. Fathead: "Guess what I got??"
Mr. Fathead: "A lobotomy!"
Mrs. Fathead: "No silly, Watermelons!"

(Rocko and Filbert are fighting. They open the door.}

Rocko/Filburt: "What in the hell—"

(It's the deportation officer)

Rocko/Filbert: "—lo..."

[Mr. Dupette and assistant Mr. Noway walking to Ed Bighead's office.]

Noway: "And I think you'll agree: He has a very promising future here at Conglom-O." [opens office door, revealing Ed talking to the "Magic Meatball" dressed in a wedding dress.]

Ed: "Now it wants to call it off!"

Noway: "I'm sorry to waste your time, sir."

Heffer: "Where's the remote at?"

Peaches (this show's version of the devil): "Hahahaha, you poor pathetic fool. You Still don't know where you are, do you? THERE IS NO REMOTE!"

Heffer: AAAAUUUGGHH

Heffer: Wait a minute! "Heck"? Isn't it supposed to be—"

Peaches: (putting hand over Heffer's mouth) "Censors."

Heffer: (riding off into the sunset) Which do you think is funnier Rocko, banana or cheese?

Rocko: Cheese, Heffer, definitely cheese.

[From Zanzibar]

Guy: "And you know what they say..."

Rocko: "It's going to be a song, isn't it?"

Singing Townspeople, in unison: "You can't fight City Hall! You can't fight corporate America, they are big and we are small, you can't fight City Hall..."

[Rocko persuades them to go with him to talk to the board of directors at Conglom-O]

Rocko: "We demand to see to the Board of Directors!"

Security Guard: "And you would be...?"

Heffer: "We're a big unruly mob!"

Singing Townspeople: "We're a big unruly mob..."

Rocko: "Well, actually, we're the concerned citizens of O-Town."

Security Guard: "And you were sent by...?"

Heffer: "A big pile of rotting vegetable matter!"

Singing Townspeople: "A great big rotting pile..."

Rocko: "Well...uh, a compost heap, but the description is accurate."

Security Guard: "And do you have an appointment?"

Rocko: "Uh...this was sort a...spur-of-the-moment spontaneous thing..."

Security Guard: Uh-huh. And how do ya'll know the words?"

Heffer: "Ooh boy, he's got ya there Rock."

Rocko: "I don't know the words..."

Singing Townspeople: "He doesn't know the words...!"

Rocko: "SHUT UP!!!"

Security Guard: "Sorry, you can't get in without an appointment."

Rocko: "Oh..."

Singing Townspeople: "I guess we'll all go home..."

"[After Heffer accidentally reals in Rocko's underwear]"

Heffer: "Filburt..."

Filburt: "Yuck, get those away from me!"

Mr.Cheese:I am the cheese. I am the best character on this show. I am better than the salami and the bologna combined.

Heffer: "Ladies and gentlemen, you're about to witness one of the seven wonders of the world. At about 11:30 eastern-standard time through "this", our buddy Rocko will descend the staircase as he does every night for a glass of milk."

Filburt: "And he ain't dressed for the occasion if ya know what I mean!"

Heffer: "Hehehe yep, you heard right he's completely... "naked!"

Filburt: "With no clothes on!"

"[After Rocko, standing in his house naked, hears Heffer and Filburt spying on him. Heffer and Filburt turn and run.]"

Heffer: HE SAW US!!! I BELIEVE HE SAW US!!!

Filburt: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Ed Bighead: Rocko,what're you doing?

Rocko: [With a paddle in his hand] We're playing spank the monkey.

Heffer: You know, I died once.

Filburt: Yeah?

[Ed is spying on Rocko's backyard, where a nudist party is being held]

Ed Bighead: Bev! Oh, I can't believe it! Do you know what that *weirdo* next door is up to?

Bev Bighead: Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.

Ed Bighead: But, Bev! They're, well... *Nude*!

[Excited, Bev grabs the binoculars from Ed]

Bev Bighead:Oh, Ed! Oh, you're right! Yes! This is disgusting!

[in whisper]

Bev Bighead: Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet!

Peaches: I am the Dark Underlord, the Prince of Doom, the King of Eternal Torment! I am Pain! I am Evil! They call me... Peaches!

Heffer: Peaches?

Peaches: (normal voice) Would ya let me finish? (dark voice) You will rot in torment forever! (laughs)

Heffer: Peaches?

Peaches: (normal voice) Okay. Heffer. Pffffft. Oh, that's a good name, I -- (slaps self) What was I saying? (flips up fiery pit scene to reveal nothing) Just forget it.

Heffer: But wait, I though that --

Peaches: (still in normal voice) Ah, that's for the tourists.

Heffer: Wow, look at all the trees. (reading a sign) "Welcome to O-Town National Forest."

Rocko: (reading another sign) "Enjoy Nature's Splendor."

Rocko and Heffer: (seeing the Conglom-O Mall) Oooooooooooh, splendor.

{Rocko is on subway, which stops abruptly}

ANNOUNCER: Passengers we are sorry for the delay, but the train has stopped due to police activity.

ROCKO: Police activity?

ANNOUNCER: And today's police activity is {cuts to police officers doing arts and crafts} arts and crafts!

{train horn sounds}

OFFICER: Hey! I'm painting' eggs here!

[Impound Lot, everyone else is in line to get their cars back. In front of the line is a disgruntled Mr. Smitty who had parked in a no parking zone.]

Mr. Smitty: I want my car back and I want it, NOW!

Impound Lot Director: Let's take a look at this chart, shall we?

[He sternly pulls down the chart and Mr. Smitty frowns.]

Other

• Spunky: "Ruff, ruff!"
• Father Lion: (while Mt. Frosty guy makes off with his family's skis) And remember, children, always keep an eye on your equipment. There's alot of people who'd just walk up and grab everything you leave standing. Just like that, gone. Then what are you gonna do?
• Fortune cookie: "Bad luck and (extreme) misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."
• Really Really Big Man: "Look into my nipples of the future."
• Man on Subway: "WHOOOOO WEEEEEEEEE! Now i got sum swingin' room!"
• Crappie Jack: "Arr, and then, I heard a scream so loud it could be heard down in Davy Jones' locker. Mickey Dolenz's locker too, and Peter Tork's locker. All the Monkees had lockers..."
• Crappie Jack: "Wooden legs...Wooden arms... (pulls off eyepatches) WOODEN EYES, TOO!"
• Mortimer Khan: "Feel the strength of my two-ply!" "Feel the itch of real wool!" "Anglo-Saxon Hun!"
• O-Town Residents: "R-E-C-Y-C-L-E Recycle! C-O-N-S-E-R-V-E Conserve! Don't you P-O-L-L-U-T-E Pollute the river sky or sea or else you're gonna get what you deserve!"
• O-Town Residents: "A great big rotting pile!"
• Captain Compost Heap: "So you see boys and girls, if you're not nice to mother nature, she'll kick our butts."
• Salesman: "Spoon, from the people who brought you Fork." (trails off) "Coming soon, Knife"
• Peaches: (playing with a paddleball) "662...663...664...665...!" (misses) "sigh... 1...2...3..."
• Hippo Lady*: "How dare you?!"
• Grocery Store Customer: "My wife's a sea mammal!"
• Recurring Wild Pig*: "I'm a wild pig!"
• Random Person*: "Tamales make my bottom burble!"
• Son to Father: Son: "My teacher told me that every time a gas cap is found an angel gets its wings." Father: "Your teacher's full of snot."
• Leon Chameleon: Holy enchilada!
• Couch chasing Wedgie Boy: Sit on me!
• Mr. Ick: YOU'RE FIRED!! I mean, THE END!!
• Movie-trailer announcer: "This time join the little Poots on a World War II war ship, in 'Das Poot!'"
• Sausage Cult Leader: "We only eat... SAUSAGE! We love... SAUSAGE!"
• Spunky: "You're asking me?"
• Voice: "Buy this! Food-O-Matic 2000."