The Vampire Diaries (season 2)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the second season The Vampire Diaries.

The Return [2.01][edit]

Elena: When were you at the house?
Damon: Really? Earlier...on the porch...we were talking...cathartic feelings exposed...come on, we kissed, Elena!
Elena: Okay... I don't have time for this, Damon.
Damon: Hey! If you want to forget it happened, fine. But I can't.

Damon: [Realizing it was Katherine he kissed on Elena's porch] Ohh. Mmm, you gotta be kidding me.

Stefan: Hey. How's Caroline?
Katherine as Elena: Not good. [Hugs Stefan] Just what I needed. [Goes to kiss Stefan. Stefan suddenly jerks Katherine back and growls, then throws Katherine across room]
Stefan: Katherine.
Katherine: At least I fooled one of you. [Stefan zips over and smashes her up against the wall with a growl] Feel better?
[Stefan throws her up against another wall by the throat. The click of keys in the door distracts him, and Katherine breaks his arm and zips out of the house. Elena and Damon come into the house.]
Elena: Stefan?
Stefan: Elena.
Elena: What happened?
Damon: Katherine happened.

Stefan: She said she fooled one of us, at least. What does that--what does that mean?
Damon: She pretended to be Elena, too, when I showed up earlier tonight.

Elena: Katherine was in this house. That means she's been invited in. What are we gonna do?
Damon: Move.
Elena: Very helpful. Thank you.
Damon: Katherine wants you dead, there’s zero you can do about it - you will be dead. But you're not! So clearly she has other plans.

Stefan: What happened tonight when you thought she was Elena?
Damon: (winces) To risk another frown line encroaching on a very crowded forehead... We...kissed.
Elena: And you thought it was me?
Stefan: What do mean you "kissed"?
Damon: Well you know when two lips pucker and they go... (makes kissing noise)

Damon: I've got a better idea.
Elena: What's that?
Damon: I'm just gonna ignore the bitch. See ya.
Elena: Is that smart?
Damon: If Katherine thinks she's being ignored, it'll lure her out. She'll make a move.
Stefan: Yeah? Then what?
Damon: Stake her head off...something poetic. We'll see.

Elena: Hey. How are you doing?
Damon: Great, Elena. Walking on sunshine. Thanks for asking.
Elena: Damon...
Damon: Elena...
Elena: We should be able to talk about this, Damon, we're close enough now. I really want to know how you’re doing.
Damon: I kissed you, I thought you kissed me back, doppelganger hijinx ensued... How do you think I’m doing?
Elena: I think that you’re hurt.
Damon: Mmm, no, I don’t get hurt, Elena.
Elena: No, you don't admit that you get hurt. You get angry and cover it up, and then you do something stupid.
Damon: You’re scared. You think Katherine's going to send me off the deep end, don't you? I don't need her for that. [starts to leave, then turns back around] You know, why...why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?
Elena: That’s not a surprise. I'm surprised that you thought I’d kiss you back.
Damon: ... Now I’m hurt.

Damon: Ooh, cover up, Fabio. We got a crazy ex on the loose

Damon: Go ahead - make your threats, stake your claim...
Stefan: I'm not gonna fight you.
Damon: Why?! I'd fight me!

Damon: I kissed Elena.
Stefan: Because you feel something for her! Because you actually care. And I'm not gonna let Katherine come in here and destroy that part of you that is finally, after all of this time, willing to feel something. She'll try to break you. She'll try to break us. And how we respond to that will define us. It's our choice. So, no. I'm not gonna fight you.

Damon: Don't pout. It’s not attractive in a woman your age.
Katherine: Ouch. (Damon walks away. Katherine appears in front of him again.) What, no goodbye kiss?
Damon: Why don't I kill you instead?
Katherine: (scoffs)
Damon: What are you doing here?
Katherine: Nostalgia, curiosity, etc.
Damon: I'm better at the enigmatic one-liners, Katherine. What are you up to?
Katherine: Trust me Damon, when I'm up to something, you'll know it. Come on. Kiss me. Or kill me. Which will it be, Damon? We both know you're only capable of one...

Damon: Okay, wait. Wait. Brief pause. I have a question. Answer it and it's back to fireworks and rockets red glare. Answer it right, and I'll forget the last 145 years I’ve spent missing you, I'll forget how much I loved you, I'll forget everything and we can start over. This can be our defining moment, because we have the time. That’s the beauty of eternity. I just need the truth, just once-
Katherine: Stop. I already know your question, and its answer. The truth is, I've never loved you. It was always Stefan.

Elena: Have you been drinking?
Damon: (makes gesture 'a little')
Elena: And you're upset. That's...not a good combination.
Damon: No, I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care.

Damon: You're surprised that I thought you'd kiss me back - you can't imagine that I’d believe that you'd want to?
Elena: Damon...
Damon: That what we've been doing here means something? You’re the liar, Elena. There is something going on between the two of us and you know it. And you’re lying to me, and you’re lying to Stefan, and most of all your lying to yourself. I can prove it.
Elena: No-
Damon:(kisses her)
Elena: Damon, don't! What’s wrong with you?
Damon: Lie about this. (tries to kiss her again)
Elena: Stop it. You're better than this, come on!
Damon: That’s where you're wrong.
Elena: No, no, no, Damon...I care about you. Listen to me, I care about you! I do. But I love Stefan. It's always gonna be Stefan!

Jeremy: Elena, what's going on in here?
Elena: (struggles out of Damon's grip) Nothing, Jeremy, it's okay. Just-- just go back to bed.
Damon: No, it's not okay, Elena. (looks from her to Jeremy) He wants to be a vampire. (rushes to Jeremy, grabs him by the neck and pins him against the wall)
Elena: No, Damon, stop it!
Damon (to Jeremy): You wanna shut out the pain? It's the easiest thing in the world! The part of you that cares, it just goes away. All you have to do is flip the switch and snap! (breaks Jeremy's neck)
Elena: (gasps) Damon! (Jeremy falls to the floor) NO!

Stefan: It's Katherine. She got under his skin and she undid everything that was good about him.
Elena: There's nothing good about him, Stefan. Not anymore. He's decided what he wants. He doesn't want to feel, he wants to be hated - it's just easier that way. He got his wish. (sobs) I hate him, Stefan.

Jeremy: (gasping) He killed me. Damon killed me!

Katherine: My name is Katherine. I was hoping you could give the Salvatore brothers a message for me.
Caroline: What are you talking about? What message?
Katherine: Game on.

Brave New World [2.02][edit]

Damon: Aren't you worried that, one day, all the forest animals are gonna band together and fight back? I mean, surely they talk...
Stefan:I'm just happy that's a blood bag and not a sorority girl supplying your dinner.
Damon: I like this. You, walking on eggshells around me because you think I'm gonna explode. It's very suspenseful.

Stefan (about Katherine): We have no idea what she's up to.
Damon: (scoffs) Sure we do! She came back to profess her undying, eternal love for you. So I'mma let you deal with her, 'cause I have more important things to do - like explode.

Damon: Jeremy, so good to see you alive.
Jeremy: Aren't you a little old for a high school carnival?
Damon: 150 years too old.
Jeremy: Your pretty funny - cracking jokes when I could, I dunno, blow the whole lid off this thing by telling someone what you really are.
Damon: So...please tell me that that is not a threat
Jeremy: Maybe it is. (looks at his ring)
Damon: Okay. (grabs Jeremy in a chokehold) This is what we're not going to do. We’re not going to walk around like we're invincible, when it is this easy for me to end you. If you wanna tell people what I really am, go ahead and try. I will shove this ring so far up your ass, you'll really have something to choke on. (throws ring at Jeremy)

Stefan: Huh. You're lurking...
Damon: I'm observing.
Stefan: More like obsessing...

Damon: Is he...?
Stefan: No. It wasn't that kind of strength. It was more than human, if that makes any sense.
Damon: What is up with that family? They're not vampires, what the hell are they?
Stefan: Ooo! Uh, maybe they're ninja turtles?
Damon: You're not funny.
Stefan: Or no, zombies. Werewolves.
Damon: No comedic timing at all.
Stefan: What? What are you up to?
Damon: Since this is reality, and there's no such thing as werewolves or combat turtles-
Stefan: I said ninja turtles.

Damon: Hey! You!
Carter: Uh, I have a name...
Damon: Yeah, I don't care.

Caroline (to Damon): You suck.

Damon: I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but I need you to come with me.
Elena: Whatever it is, I'm not interested.
Damon: Yeah, I need you to come with me right now, Elena.

Elena: But, why?
Damon: Because Katherine is a manipulative, nasty little slut.

Damon: Your silence is deafening, Stefan.

Damon: She will die. It's only a matter of time.
Stefan: Yeah, maybe so, but it's not gonna happen tonight.
Damon: Oh yeah, it is... (rushes Caroline with a wooden stake; Elena blocks him)
Elena: (gasps in terror, but holds her ground) Damon, she's my friend.
Damon: (slowly backs away) Whatever's on you.

Stefan: When you feel the blood rush in, you tell yourself that you're gonna get through it; that you're strong enough. Yes, yes – no matter how good it feels to give yourself over to it, you fight it off. You bury it.

Bonnie: I can't believe this is happening...
Damon: Come on, don't pout about it. We got a body to bury.

Elena: Bonnie, stop it, you're gonna kill him! Bonnie! (shakes her) Hey! Bonnie!
Bonnie: Why– why did you stop me?!
Elena: Because this isn't us! Bonnie, this can't be us.

Damon: What the hell are you doing here?
Jeremy: You don't lock your front door.
Damon: Yeah. (starts to take a drink)
Jeremy: I wouldn't, I-- I laced it with vervain.
Damon: Now why would you do that?
Jeremy: (holds up wooden stake) So I could stake you with this.
Damon: You came here to kill me?
Jeremy: Well, it's only fair. You killed me first.
Damon: What made you wisen up?
Jeremy: My father hated vampires. My uncle, too. They were absolute; they knew exactly what they stood for. I figure maybe I should, too. I mean, stand for something. But killing you - what's that gonna do?
Damon: Look, I don't do the big brother thing very well. Sorry I don't have any milk and cookies to offer you.
Jeremy: (gets up to leave) Dick.
Damon: Wait. (Jeremy stops) ...My father hated vampires, too. For the same reason yours did. Only it was 1864; people knew how to whittle. (looks at the stake) Did you do this?
Jeremy: Yeah, it's-- it's harder than it looks.
Damon: Hmm.

Elena: Stefan, what are we doing here? We're going to get caught.
Stefan: Well I compelled the guard to go on a break so I can kiss my girlfriend on top of the Ferris wheel.
Elena: Stefan...
Stefan: We have to take these moments, Elena. Alright? What Katherine did to Caroline could just be the beginning, and then there’s things about Tyler’s family that we don't even understand yet, and there’s always the D-word. But I came back to this town to start a life with you. We can’t forget to live it.

Bad Moon Rising [2.03][edit]

Damon: Thanks for coming, Ric. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee? Bourbon? Bourbon in your coffee?

Damon: If this wolf man thing is true, I’ve seen enough movies to know it's not good. It means Mason Lockwood is a real life Lon Chaney and that little Tyler punk very well may be a Lon Chaney Junior; which means Bela Lugosi, meaning me, is totally screwed.

Damon: Sorry you can't come too, Stef.
Stefan: (to Elena) Call me if you need anything, okay?
Damon: Oh, I’ll take really good care of her.

Damon: How you doing back there? (Elena pouts silently) You know, this whole 'pretending to hate me' thing is getting a little silly.
Alaric: I don't think she’s pretending. You did kill her brother.
Damon: There is a huge asterisk next to that statement. He came back to life.
Elena: Yeah. Thanks to a ring you didn't know he was wearing.
Damon: How are you so sure I didn't know?
Elena: Did you?
Damon: Yes!
Elena: You’re lying.
Damon: Elena! I saw the ring! It’s a big tacky thing, it’s hard to miss.

Damon: I can't reach it, Elena... Just pull the damn thing out, it hurts. (Elena pulls arrow out of his back) Ah. Whoo... (shakes it off, turns to leave) That bitch is dead.
Elena: (blocking him) Ah, you’re not going to kill her.
Damon: Watch me.
Elena: You touch her and I swear I will never speak to you again.
Damon: What makes you think that has any power over me? Cause I took an arrow in the back for you? You are severely over-estimating yourself.
Elena: Right, I forgot that I was speaking to a psychotic mind who snaps and kills people impulsively. Fine. Go ahead. Do whatever you want.
Damon: You’re trying to manipulate me...
Elena: If by "manipulate" you mean tell the truth, then okay. Guilty.

Caroline: So you're saying that, now, I'm basically an insecure, neurotic, control freak on crack.
Stefan: Well, I wasn't going to say it like that, but...

Elena: Here take this.
Vanessa: Does vervain really work?
Damon: (from the other room) Nope. Not at all.
Vanessa: Can he hear us?
Damon: (whispering) Nooo, that would be creepy...
Vanessa: Can he read minds, too?
Damon: You know, if you wanna see me naked all you have to do is ask.
Elena: No. That he can't do. But he is very capable of being a first-rate jackass.

Caroline: Why are you looking at him with your serious vampire look?
Stefan: My "serious vampire look"?
Caroline: Mm-hmm. I mean, it's different from your worried vampire look, neither of which stray too far from your 'hey, it's Tuesday' look.
Stefan: Oh, I get it. Okay. You think I'm, ah, you think I'm too serious. That it?
Caroline: I mean, I wasn't gonna say it like that, but...

Elena: I need to know the truth. When you broke Jeremy’s neck, did you know that he was wearing the ring?
Damon: ...No. No, I didn't. Katherine really pissed me off and I snapped, and...I got lucky with the ring. I don’t know what I would done of he wasn't wearing it. Elena, I’m sorry
Elena: Thank you for being honest with me. And the answer to your question, about our friendship, is yes. You have lost me forever.
Damon: You knew that already, didn't you? You used me today.
Elena: You had information about Katherine that I needed to know.
Damon: I thought "friends don’t manipulate friends." (pauses) You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks.

Memory Lane [2.04][edit]

Katherine: Don't fight it, Stefan. You loved me once. You can love me again. I love you, Stefan.

Katherine: Are we really going to do this again? We both know I could rip you to shreds and do my nails at the same time.
Stefan: What do you want?
Katherine: I wanted to see you. I've missed you, Stefan. Indulge me for a little while, please?
Stefan: Why are you back in town?
Katherine: Three reasons: you, you, and... you.
Stefan: See, I can't quite get that down. It just kind of...gets stuck in my throat.
Katherine: You know, it's the truth. Deep down inside that gorgeous body of yours is the Stefan that fell in love with me, too.

Elena: What do you want?
Damon: So this is where you spend your time when you're not stabbing people in the back.
Elena: I tricked you into telling me the truth. That's not stabbing you in the back. That's using your own tactics against you. (gets up to leave)
Damon: Where are you going?
Elena: I made myself clear, Damon. I want nothing to do with you.

Stefan: What do you know about werewolves?
Katherine: I know not to pet one.

Katherine: Why did you keep this picture? Why not burn it? Tear it up? You wanna know why I came back? Well, I have a better question. Why did you? Elena? No. You came back here to fall in love with me all over again, didn't you Stefan?

Jenna: I've no secrets. Only dirty shame.

Mason: We haven't met. Mason Lockwood.
Damon: Oh, sure, hey. Damon Salvatore.
Mason: I know. I've heard great things about you.
Damon: Really? That's weird. 'Cause I'm a dick.

[In 1864]
Stefan: I know we've only known each other for a short while. And I know I'm in competition for your affections. But... I've never met a woman quite like you. I look at you and I see an angel. I touch your skin... and my entire body ignites. I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love. [kisses her] I am in love with you.
Katherine: There's just so much you don't know about me, Stefan.
Stefan: More to learn and love.
Katherine: I must say goodnight.

Katherine: Go ahead, Stefan. Torture me, keep me captive, drain me of blood until my body turns to dust. It'll never change the truth.
I never compelled your love; it was real. And so was mine.
Stefan: It wasn't real. I remember you compelling me.
Katherine: Only after I showed you who I really was. You were so scared of me. I had to take away your fear.
Stefan: Well, whatever feelings I had back then...they've all turned to hate.
Katherine: Love, hate. Such a fine line. I can wait.

[Playing Pictionary, Damon is drawing]
Jenna: Dress. Ballerina.
Caroline: Puppy! Puppy...puppy with a tutu?
Damon: No...
Jenna: Dog. Hound. Hound dog. You ain't nothing but a hound dog!
Mason: Dances with Wolves.
Damon: [Stops drawing] Mason wins again.
Jenna: How is that a wolf?

Stefan: You knew that they were going to burn the vampires in the church?
Katherine: I practically lit the match back there.
Stefan: They were your friends. They were your family. You just sold them out?
Katherine: Without blinking.
Stefan: So you sent 26 of your friends to their death just to fake your own? No. You were running from something. What was it?
Katherine: Everyone has a past, Stefan. Mine needed to stay far, far away. But thanks to you, my plan nearly failed before it even began.
Once George told me that the roundup was imminent, I made sure I could see you one last time. But your father used your love for me against you. He poisoned your blood. We didn't have long. Then Damon, being Damon, nearly ruined everything.
Stefan: We came for you. We tried to save you.
Katherine: I didn't want to be saved.
Stefan: Then Damon and I died for nothing. For nothing!
Katherine: No, Stefan! You died for love!

Mason: Alaric, catch that game next week?
Alaric: Yeah. Looking forward to it.
Damon: Hey you know, I should probably head out, too. [to Jenna] Jenna, you are a wonderful hostess.
Jenna: And you are a terrible artist.
Damon: Is that the only thing that makes me terrible?
Jenna: Still deciding.
Damon: Good enough for me. [to Alaric] Alaric...let's not catch that game next week.

Mason [to Damon, after being stabbed by him] Now you made an enemy.

Stefan: So you going to tell me why you came back here? Or we're you just playing another game?
Katherine: Have you not heard a word that I've said? I've answered that question five times over, now.
Stefan: All right. Good. Make it six.
Katherine: I want what I want, Stefan. And I don't care what I have to do to get it. My list of victims is a long one, and I have no problem adding one more name to that list.
Stefan: Come on, Katherine. If you wanted Elena dead, you would have done it by now.
Katherine: I still can. If I have to, I will snap her neck like a twig. And you know it.
I don't want you seeing Elena anymore. If you don't remove her from your life, I will kill everyone that she loves in her life while she watches,and then I will kill her while you watch.
I've missed you, Stefan. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you.

Tyler: Tell me how the curse is triggered.
Mason: If I tell you, you won't be able to think about anything else. I don't want that for you.
Tyler: I think I can handle knowing.
Mason: Yeah. You think you can handle it, tough guy? You have no idea!
Tyler: Do you want your stupid rock or not?!
Mason: Tell me where it is.
Tyler: Tell me what triggers the curse!
Mason: You have to kill somebody! Human blood! You take a person's life away from them, then the curse is yours forever. Can you handle that?

Elena: You're not actually saying that we should do what she says.
Stefan: Listen, she's sadistic. She threatened you. She threatened everyone.
Elena: Yeah. No. I get it, okay? She's dangerous. But every day that we're together it's dangerous. Why are you giving her so much power over our relationship?
Stefan: This the reality of our situation.
Elena: Reality sucks. This is what she wants, Stefan. She wants us to fight. She wants to get between us!
Stefan: She already has, Elena.

Katherine: Bad day?
Damon: Bad century. I heard you were on the loose.
Katherine: What's the matter? Jealous 'cause I spent the day with Stefan?
Damon: I don't do jealous. Not with you. Not anymore.
Katherine: Don't try to be the hero, Damon. You'll end up dead.
Damon: Been there, done that. At least this time it will have been worth it.

Katherine: I love you Stefan. We will be together again - I promise.

Kill or Be Killed [2.05][edit]

Elena: I hate fighting with you, even when it's fake.

Caroline: You're gonna pretend to be a mother?
Sherriff Forbes: I'll bring my gun if it gets rough.

Damon: Man, I don't want peace!
Stefan: Consider it opposite day.

Jeremy: [to Tyler] I know what you're doing.

Tyler: Answer me! Why ... why wolf pictures?
Jeremy: Because... because I know.
Tyler: You know what? You know what, Jeremy?!
Jeremy: I know what you are.

Caroline: I can take you.
Mason: Wanna bet?
Caroline: Yeah. I do.

Sheriff Forbes: This is how it’s going to work. Answer me and you don't get shot. Understand? [pauses] How many of you are there?
Damon: Liz, please...
Sheriff Forbes: How did you fool us? How do you walk in the sun? [Shoots Stefan, who is still unconscious] I will drag this out painfully.
Damon: But you’re my friend.
Sheriff Forbes: Our friendship was a lie.

Caroline: [After killing two police officers] Hi Mom.

Jeremy: Why didn't you give it to him?
Tyler: Because he wants it. I'm a dick that way.

Sheriff Forbes: My daughter is gone.
Damon: You have no idea how wrong you are about that.

Elena: What are you doing?
Stefan: Katherine took a little vervain everyday and built up a tolerance to it; I could do the same with blood. I could learn to control myself on it.
Elena: But you can't. Stefan you don't have to.
Stefan: I almost died last night Elena, because I was too weak.
Elena: But the last time you drank human blood...
Stefan: I told you I’d find a way to stop Katherine, didn't I? Well this is it. This is the only way because she’s stronger than me, and unless that changes, I can't protect you.
Elena: Can we talk about this later? [Points to indicate that Damon can hear them]
Stefan: He can hear us wherever we are because he drinks this! This is the only thing that can help me.
Elena: Are you serious or are you pretending to fight, because I can't tell if…
Stefan: No, this is real. No more pretend.
[Elena leaves angrily]

Elena: Caroline’s sleeping on the couch.
Damon: I heard. And you?
Elena: I'm going home. [stops at the door] What you did for Caroline’s mom, that’s the Damon who was my friend. [starts to leave]
Damon: Hey - Stefan didn't drink the people blood. If you were curious. But he needs too. And deep down, you know that.

Stefan: You can come in.
Elena: Do you really think you can control it?
Stefan: I dunno. But if I don't try…
Elena: So a little bit everyday?
Stefan: Yeah. Just a few drops of blood in my system, I think it’s worth trying.
Elena: So do I. But I just don't want you to do it alone. [pricks her finger]
Stefan: What are you doing?
Elena: It's you and me, Stefan. Always.

Plan B [2.06][edit]

Stefan: (eyes closed) You're staring...
Elena: I'm gazing.
Stefan: It's creepy. (opens his eyes and looks at Elena)
Elena: It's romantic.

Jeremy: I need to talk to you.
Damon: And why do I need to talk to you? (tries to shut the door)
Jeremy: (trying to convince Damon) Tyler has to kill someone to activate his curse. He's not a werewolf yet.
Damon: Wow, fascinating. Not enough. (tries to shut the door again)

Damon: Wow. Your search for life’s purpose is as obvious as it is tragic.

Damon: If we start believing in supernatural witchy-woo from picture book, we’re idiots. Where is the stone now?
Jeremy: Tyler.
Damon: Can you get it?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Damon: See, now your life has purpose.
Jeremy: So you do believe it?
Damon: This is the same book that says that a werewolf bite kills a vampire. Ignoring it would make me an even bigger idiot.

Damon: Katherine’s with Mason Lockwood?
Stefan: We missed it. He got into town right after she did. It makes perfect sense.
Damon: I know, but Mason Lockwood? Werewolf thing aside, the guy’s a surfer. She’s gotta be using him. She has to be.
Stefan: Using him for what?
Damon: Mason Lockwood’s looking for a moon stone that allegedly can break the full moon werewolf curse. Maybe Katherine wants it as well.
Stefan: Why?
Damon: Well, idea. It’s the beauty of Katherine. She’s always up to something.

Matt: She’s this amazing girl one minute and then this raging jealous freak the next.
Tyler: Look, you know what I think of Caroline Forbes. She’s an insecure, neurotic, bitchy little twit.
Matt: Hey!
Tyler: But the girl’s got heart. She means well. Just gotta take the good with the bad sometimes.

Bonnie: What do you want?
Damon: A favor.
Bonnie: Like that’s going to happen.
Damon: So predictable. That’s why I brought him.
Stefan: I know how you feel about helping us out, but since you’re the one that linked Mason with Katherine, we finally have an opportunity to get an upper hand on both of them, so just hear us out.
Damon: Pretty please.
Bonnie: I’m listening.
Stefan: (looks at his phone) I have to fill Elena in on what’s going on. (To Damon) Can you play nice, please?
Damon: I guess.

Damon: Let’s talk about that little witchy ju-ju thing you do with me. You know, the fun one where my brain bursts into flames? What is that?
Bonnie: That’s me giving you an aneurysm. Your blood vessels go 'pop'. But you heal quickly, so I do it over and over again.
Damon: Is it vampire-specific?
Bonnie: It’d work on anyone with a supernatural healing ability.
Damon: Good. Good, good.
Bonnie: Damon. I’m not going to help you hurt him.
Damon: Mason Lockwood’s a werewolf. Katherine’s evil. They’re the bad guys. Really? You’re going to play morality police with me right now? Let me put it to you another way: they’re a threat to Elena. So you, witch, are going to get over yourself and help us.
Stefan: Yeah, he meant that as a question with a “please” on the end.
Damon: Absolutely.

Damon: Here, grab that corner.
Bonnie: Why? What are we doing?
Damon: I don't wanna stain the carpet.
Bonnie: I knew you were going to say something like that.
Damon: You're judging again.

Damon: (burns Mason with a hot iron) You can hurt. Good to know. I was afraid you were gonna be some beast master with no affinity for pain. (seeing Mason's wound healing) Oh, but you heal quickly. Not good. Guess I’ll just have to keep applying pain.

Damon: So where did you two meet? She seduced you, told you she loved you? You're supernatural so she can't compel you. I'm sure she used her other charms. Katherine's good that way.

Damon: What do you want with the moonstone?
Mason: Screw you.
Damon: ERRRRRR! Wrong Answer!

Mason: I'm getting it for Katherine.
Damon: Why?
Mason: She's going to use it to lift the curse.
Damon: Of the moon? Now, why would a vampire help a werewolf break a curse that keeps them from turning whenever they want?
Mason: So I wouldn't have to turn anymore.
Damon: Why?
Mason: Because she loves me.
Damon: Awww. (laughs) Now I get it. You're just stupid. Katherine doesn't love you. She's using you, you moron.
Mason: I'm done talking.
Damon: Yes you are.

Jeremy: Damon...
Damon: You wanted to be a part of this? Well, here it is. Kill or be killed. The guy’s a werewolf - he’d kill me the first chance he got. So you suck it up, or leave. He wants me to kill him, anyway. Don’t you, Mason? It really is a curse, isn’t it? You know, I look at you and I see myself. A less dashing, less intelligent version.
Mason: I love her.
Damon: Oh, I know! I’ve been where you are. But Katherine will only rip your heart out. Let me do it for her.

Damon: All this for that?
Stefan: Yup. I see you've exercised your usual restraint.
Damon: Had to be done.

Stefan: Let's get rid of the body.
Damon: Ooo, last number dialed. I wonder who that could possibly be..
Stefan: No, no, no. Don't provoke her.

Katherine: Mason. You should have been here an hour ago.
Damon: Wrong boy-toy.
Katherine: Damon. For once, you’ve surprised me. I assume Mason’s with you.
Damon: He’s right beside me. Although his heart’s across the room.
Katherine: You shouldn’t have.
Damon: I’ve had a very busy day today. Killed a werewolf, found a moonstone. Hey, did you know that he hid the moonstone at the bottom of a well full of vervain? Guess he didn’t trust you very much. He did love you, poor guy. Hey, where are you? ’Cause, you know, I could bring him over. Last good-byes and all that.
Katherine: You've no idea what you’ve just done.
Damon: Aww, did I put a kink in your master plan? I’m so sorry.
Katherine: Do you honestly believe that I don’t have a plan B? And if that fails, a plan C, and then a plan D, and... you know how the alphabet works, don’t you? Send my love to Stefan.

Stefan: I'm so sorry.
Elena: We were so stupid. Sneaking around, thinking that we weren't going to get caught.
Stefan: I know.
Elena: We did this... Jenna's in the hospital, and Jeremy could be next. All because we didn't listen to her. Because we're together. Stefan...
Stefan: I know what you’re going to say.
Elena: Then let me say it. I’ve been so selfish because I love you so much. And I know how much you love me. But it’s over, Stefan, it has to be.
Stefan: Elena, I don’t-
Elena: No, Stefan. It has to be.

Damon: Elena... I riled Katherine up. I...I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think.
Elena: It doesn’t matter, Damon. She won. Katherine won.

Masquerade [2.07][edit]

Katherine: I need you to deliver a message. Tell Damon and Stefan that I want the moonstone or I will rip this town apart until it rains blood. Tonight. At the masquerade ball.

Stefan: We can't underestimate her. We have to play this smarter than her.
Caroline: Can't we just give her the moonstone so she'll leave?
Damon: No. Katherine's not getting dick. I've had it. I'm going to go to the masquerade ball and I'm going to kill her tonight.
Stefan: You're not gonna kill her.
Damon: Don't give me that goody-goody crap.
Stefan: You're not going to kill her...
Damon: Oh, really?
Stefan: ...because I am.

Lucy: What's with the hair?
Katherine: I'm impersonating my dull as dishwater doppelganger, Elena. She has the worst taste.
Lucy: Except in men.

Bonnie: What's going on?
Jeremy: We're gonna kill Katherine.
Stefan: I can explain.
Bonnie: Please.
Stefan: ...We're gonna kill Katherine.

Stefan: All right. If anybody wants to back out, I'll understand.
Damon: Yeah, cold feet speak now. I don't want this going wrong because someone chickens out. Caroline?
Caroline: I won't. She killed me, fair is fair.

Matt: Elena?
Katherine: (as Elena) Matt? You look dashing.
Matt: I thought you said you aren't coming.
Katherine: I couldn't miss it. You really are hot in a suit. I'd love to just...

Katherine (to Matt): God, you're hot. Now go away.

Stefan: Are you sure you can do this?
Damon: Who are you talking to?
Stefan: I had the chance to kill her and I hesitated.
Damon: Well, that is the fork in the road between me and you, my friend. I don't hesitate.

Katherine: Dance with me.
Stefan: No.
Katherine: Fine. You tell me who I should kill. Him? She looks delicious.

Jeremy: So, can you like do a hocus-pocus to ace a test?
Bonnie: I don't know that spell.
Jeremy: That'd be like the first one I'd learn.

Stefan: Hello, Katherine.
Caroline: Goodbye, Katherine.

Katherine: You think you two are the only ones with a witch on your side? Wrong. And something tells me that my witch is better than your witch.

Katherine: The three of us together, just like old times. The brother that loved me too much and the one that didn't love me enough.
Damon: And the evil slut vampire that only loved herself.
Katherine: What happened to you, Damon? You used to be so sweet and polite.
Damon: Oh, that Damon died a long time ago.
Katherine: Good. He was a bore.

Damon: Sorry about your pet wolf. You should have kept him on a tighter leash.

Katherine: I'll have one of those.
Damon: (in a mocking tone) Right away, Miss Katherine.

Katherine: Good for you, Stefan, 2+2.And it would have worked, except that people found out that I wasn't in the tomb. Thanks to you. (turning to Damon) By the way, have I mentioned how inconvenient your obsession with me has been?
Cite error: Invalid <ref> tag; refs with no name must have contentDamon: You and me both, honey.

Damon: Hello Katherine.
Katherine: Where am I?
Damon: Where you should have been all along. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now about messing with a Bennett witch.
Katherine: You should have killed me.
Damon:: Death would have been too kind.
Katherine: No, Damon, don't. Damon, don't. You need me. Elena's in danger.
Damon: From who? (pause, no response) You're lying, you're always lying.
Katherine: Why do you think I haven't killed her? She's the doppelganger. She needs to be protected.
Damon: Then I'll protect her - while you rot in hell.

Rose [2.08][edit]

Damon: Oh, teens today and their underage drinking. Tragic.

Caroline: That werewolf road leads straight to vampire boulevard! I thought I was thinking fast on my feet.

Damon: If you want to drop the hint to your mom that Aimee's body is at the bottom of a ravine with a cracked spine, might save your mom some time.

Rose: I know who you are. I said be quiet.
Elena: What do you want?
Rose: (slaps her) I want you to be quiet, Elena.

Stefan: This has Katherine written all over it.
Damon: Katherine's in the tomb. Trust me. I'm the one that shut her in.
Stefan: Did you?
Damon: Did I what, Stefan?
Stefan: Well I know the hold Katherine has on you.
Damon: She's in the tomb. Period. End of story.
Stefan: We have to talk to her.
Damon: No, no. Let me tell you how that's gonna go. We're gonna go ask for her help, she's gonna negotiate her release, which we're gonna be dumb enough to give her and then she's gonna get out and kill us. That's exactly what she wants.
Stefan: I don't really care.
Damon: It's a bad idea, Stefan.
Stefan: It's Elena.

Jeremy: You can't just do this alone!
Damon: He's not. Let's go.
Stefan: You're coming?
Damon: It's Elena.

Damon: Can we not do the whole road trip bonding thing? The cliché of it all makes me itch.

Damon: The elephant in the room lets out a mighty roar.
Stefan: Well, it doesn't have to be an elephant. Let's talk about it.
Damon: There's nothing to talk about.
Stefan: That's not true, sure there is. Let's get it out. I mean, are you in this car because you want to help your little brother save the girl that he loves or is it-- is it because you love her, too?
Damon: Keep it up, Stefan. I can step out of helping as easily as I stepped in.
Stefan: Nope. See, that's the beauty of it. You can't.

Jeremy: When I'm worn down, I take a nap. You were unconscious.

Damon: Elena know you've been drinking blood?
Stefan: I've been drinking hers.
Damon: Hmm. How romantic.

Damon: Since we’re road trip bonding, remember the days when all you lived for was blood? You were the guy who’d rip someone apart for the fun of it.
Stefan: You mean when I was more like you?
Damon: Yes, Stefan. Exactly! Back when you put blood into me so I could be a big, bad vampire. I wonder if Elena would be so quick to open her veins to that guy. By the way, what happened to that guy? He was a hoot.

Stefan: (on saving Elena) I can't think of a better reason to die.

Elijah: Excuse me. To whom it may concern; you're making a big mistake if you think that you can beat me. You can't. You hear that? I repeat: you cannot beat me. So I want the girl, on the count of three, or heads will roll. Are we clear on this now?

Stefan: I'm sorry.
Damon: About what?
Stefan: For being the guy that made you turn 145 years ago.
Damon: Enough, Stef. It's late. No need to rehash that.
Stefan: Well, you know what, I've never said it out loud. I guess I just need to say it and you need to hear it. I'm sorry. What I did was selfish. I didn't wanna be alone. Guess I just needed my brother.

Damon: I just...have to say something.
Elena: Why do you have to say it with my necklace?
Damon: Because what I’m about to say is...probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever said in my life.
Elena: Damon, don’t go there...
Damon: I just have to say it once - you just need to hear it. (pause) I love you, Elena. And it’s because I love you that...I can’t be selfish with you. And why you can't know this. I don’t deserve you. But my brother does. (kisses her forehead; pulls back to look at her face) God, I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do.

Katerina [2.09][edit]

Elena: Okay, so you're saying is the oldest vampire in the history of time is coming after me?
Rose: Yes.
Stefan: No.
Damon: What they are saying is, I mean if what she's saying is true..
Rose: Which it is.
Damon: ...and you're not just saying it so we don't kill you...
Rose: Which I'm not.
Damon: ...we're looking at a solid...maybe.

Damon: She's in denial.
Stefan: Shut up, Damon.

Rose: Being in love with your brother's girlfriend must be difficult.
Damon: I'm not in love with anyone.
Rose: Wanna try that again?

Caroline: I'm a terrible liar... I'm even worse at duplicity.

Elena (to Katherine): It must be painful to desiccate and mummify. I can't even imagine.

Katherine: My family, your true ancestors, they disowned me. My indiscretions were not tolerated at that time. I had a baby out of wedlock. Shame.

Damon: If you're setting me up in any way, I will rip your heart out and shove it down your throat. Something I'm very good at.

Katherine: Living out of a suitcase is better than dying so you can have you blood spilled over a silly little rock.

Katherine (to Elena): I will always look out for myself. If you're smart, you'll do the same.

Katherine: Witches and their spells. So many people to sacrifice. Have you noticed that Elena always kisses you? Lets just say I have been brushing up on my acting skills.

Katherine: I'll be the safest psychotic bitch in town.

The Sacrifice [2.10][edit]

Alaric (to Elena and Jenna): Well, I'm naked. So... I'm just gonna go.

Damon: Did his eyes turn yellow?
Caroline: More with amber highlights.
Damon: Ugh.

Katherine: Please. Come in. There's plenty of room for all of us.
Damon: I'd rather poke my eyes out.
Katherine: Mmm, they're such pretty eyes.

Elena: Sound like you guys already have it all planned out.
Damon: Yup, we're awesome!

Damon: It's a plan. Is it perfect? What plan is?

Damon (to Jeremy): Gee, thanks, you 16-year-old...child. Why didn't we think of that?

Bonnie: I'll be fine.
Jeremy: You could get hurt.
Bonnie: And Elena could die.

Rose: (referring to Alice) You know that she isn't going anywhere near my blood, right?
Elena: I know. She doesn't.

Alice: "Kristen Stewart." God, was he obvious.

Damon: What are you doing here?
Elena: What are you doing here?! (to Rose) You called him?
Rose: I'm sorry , Elena.
Elena: You said that you understood.
Damon: She lied.

Damon: Come on we're leaving.
Elena: No.
Damon: I said we're leaving.
Elena: I'm not going with you.
Damon: You do not get to make decisions anymore.
Elena: When have I ever made a decision? You and Stefan do that for me. Now, this? This is my decision.
Damon: Who's gonna save your life while you're out "making decisions"?
Elena: You're not listening to me, Damon, I do not want to be saved. Not if it means Klaus is going to kill every person I love.
Damon: ...Get your ass out the door before I throw you over my shoulder and carry you out myself.

Caroline: There's a reason it's called a curse, Tyler.

Caroline (to Tyler): I don't want you to be alone.

Damon: Time to go. Alice is soundly sleeping and won't remember a moment of this horribly stupid day.
Cody: (bursts through the door) We're here to meet the doppelganger.
Elena: Thank you for coming. (begins to step forward)
Damon: (grabs her wrist and pulls her back) I will break...your...arm.

Damon: I killed you! You were dead!
Elijah: For centuries now.

Elijah: However, I did have a little run-in with one of the brothers that killed me.
Jonas Martin: I assume he didn't live to tell about it.
Elijah: Actually, I spared him. (pauses) He'd die before he let anything happen to her; they both would.

Jeremy: I don't need an escort to my room.
Bonnie: I don't know - between here and upstairs, there's still time for you do something stupid!

Damon: If I had a dollar for every time some evil vampire surprised me.

Elena (to Damon): I don't question why you, and Stefan, and everyone else tries so hard to save me. You shouldn't question why I would try so hard to save all of you.

Damon: (pins Elena against the wall) Don't you dare.
Elena: Stefan's in there, Damon. How could you let this happen?!
Damon: What are you talking about? I was too busy saving you from your crazy Kamikaze mission!
Elena: You didn't even have to go after the moonstone in the first place.
Damon: It was the right call, Elena!
Elena: "Right call"?! How is any of this the right call?! (shoves against him) Damon, let go of me! (struggles harder) Damon - LET GO OF ME! Let go of me! (hits him) Let go of me. Please...
Damon: (waits patiently) You done?

Damon: Of all the idiot plans, Stefan... I'll find a way to get you out.
Stefan: Ah, it's alright, I'll...I'll handle myself. Bonnie has the moonstone. Work with her; try to figure out how to de-spell it.
Damon: You martyr yourself into a tomb and I get partnered with a semi-competent witch. Wonderful!
Stefan: Keep Elena away from here.
Damon: (scoffs) Yeah, 'cause that'll be easy.

Stefan: Promise me, no matter what happens, you'll protect her.
Damon: Promise.

Katherine: That, right there, was the biggest mistake you've ever made.

By The Light of The Moon [2.11][edit]

Bonnie: We're not gonna let you get used in some creepy sacrifice ritual.

Stefan: You trapped her in the house?
Damon: It's for the best, trust me. Elena's on a martyr tear that rivals your greatest hits.

Damon: You should really lock your door. (Elena sulks) Oh come on, pouty. At least give me two points for ingenuity.
Elena: Do you think this is funny?
Damon: Yes, Elena. I find hilarity in the lengths that I have to go to to repeatedly save your life.
Elena: What does Stefan say about this?
Damon: We had a good laugh.

Damon: Well, "A", he can't do anything about it, and "B"...what I just said.

Elena: Hold on a second - tonight's the full moon?
Damon: Yep. But you're too absorbed with all your suicidal tendencies to notice.

Damon(to Elena): Hey, you know, you should get out - enjoy the sun. (whispers) Oh, wait - you can't.

Alaric: Where is Mason, anyway?
Damon: Decomposing in his truck.

Stefan (to Katherine): The pleasure I'll get of watching you suffer is greater than any pain I'll ever feel.

Elena: You're trying to use me. To draw him out.
Elijah: Well, to do that, I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed.

Elijah: Do nothing. Do nothing, live your life; stop fighting. And then, when the time is right, you and I shall draw Klaus out together and I shall make certain that your friends remain unharmed.
Elena: And then what?
Elijah: Then I kill him.
Elena: Just like that?
Elijah: Just like that.

Elijah: I'm a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal.

Jules (to Damon): Are you threatening me? (scoffs) On a full moon. How stupid are you?

Damon: You think I'm afraid of you?
Jules: No, I don't. That's your vampire arrogance - you should be. I sniffed you out the moment you entered this bar, along with your pathetic wolfsbane. See, I've been at this a long time, and any other night of the month, the situation would be reversed. But tonight? Is not the night to pick a fight with me. You've been marked.

Damon: Where is she?
Alaric: Just let it go, Damon. Don't be stupid.
Damon: What, I'm supposed to let her just get away? I've been "marked"... What the hell kind of wolf...pronoun...crap is that, anyway?
Alaric: Damon, look up. Just look up! (points to the full moon) If this werewolf stuff is true, one bite, and you're dead. One bite, alright? Don't risk it.

Rose: I'm sorry about Elena. I wasn't thinking straight - I didn't know that she had a death wish.

Katherine: Are we seriously not going to talk at all?
Stefan: Well, we could talk about how you regret all you've done to make my life miserable...

Katherine: Yes, I've done terrible things. I know that. But I do love you, Stefan. Even if you don't believe it.

Elijah: Good evening, Katerina. Thank you for having the good sense to be frightened. (to Stefan) Your release has been requested.
Stefan: What? By who?
Elijah: The lovely Elena drives a hard bargain. However, we reached a peaceful agreement, she and I. Please, come.
Stefan: I can't.
Elijah: Yes, you can. I've had the spell lifted.
(Stefan exits the tomb. Katherine tries to escape but Elijah stops her).
Elijah: As for you, however... You shall not exit until I say so. When Klaus comes he'll want to know exactly where you are. (to Stefan) You're free to go. Elena will explain the arrangement to you. If she keeps her word, I'll keep mine.

Damon: I've been dead before. I got over it.

Rose:So, I'm gonna help you.
Damon: Help me do what?
Rose: Save Elena. Protect Elena. All things Elena.

Damon: You sure you can do that?
Rose: I don't love men that love other women. I think more of myself than that.

Rose: It doesn't mean I can't be a special friend.
Damon: I think I like you.

The Descent [2.12][edit]

Elena: Don't ruin the moment. You're about to ruin the moment, aren't you?
Stefan: I'm totally ruining the moment.

Stefan: He's an Original. I don't really know what that means.

Damon: If you're gonna be maudlin, I'm gonna kill you myself. Just to put me out of your misery.

Damon (to Elena , about Rose): Death happens. We come, we go. The sooner she dies, the better. It's gloomy as hell in here.

Rose: I'm a vampire. I haven't had a cold in five centuries.

Rose: What do you call this whole deal with Elijah?
Elena: I call it my best option.
Rose: It's the easiest option.

Rose (to Elena): You really are determined to die, aren't you? At least I ran. You're not even trying.

Stefan: There's a lot of people here...
Damon: Oh. Damn. There goes my plan to rip her spleen through her back.

Damon: Why does everybody think I'm upset about Rose? I'm fine! I don't know if you know this - sometimes vampires die.

Jules (to Damon): Well. If it isn't the one I meant to kill.

Jules: Bite me. (Damon grabs her) I'm not afraid of you...
Damon: Then you are very, very stupid.
Jules: How's your friend? Rose - is that her name? Have the chills started? The unbearable pain?
Damon: If there's a cure, tell me. Or start watching your back.
Jules: Did I mention the dementia? It'll eat away at her brain; soon she'll be rabid...

Jules: You want a cure? I'll tell you the only cure that exists. Take a stake...and drive it through her heart.

Matt (to Caroline): What are you keeping from me? If you love me, you'll tell me. What is it?

Caroline (to Tyler, after he kissed her): Everybody just...needs to stop kissing me!

Damon: You went on a murderous rampage. It happens.

Rose: I miss being human.
Damon: Humanity's not all it's cracked up to be.

Elena: There you go, pretending to turn it off; pretending not to feel. Damon, you're so close, don't give up!
Damon: I feel, Elena! And it sucks.

Jules: This town is crawling with vampires. But don't worry, we'll get them.
Tyler: Who are you?
Jules: I'm your friend. There are others like us, and they're on their way.

Damon: I'm...lost.
Jessica: And you're laying in the middle of the road?
Damon: Not that kind of lost. Metaphorically...existentially...
Jessica: Do you need help?
Damon: Well, yes, I do. Can you help me?

Damon: Don't move.
Jessica: I don't want any trouble!
Damon: Neither do I! But it's all I got, is trouble.
Jessica: ...Why can't I move?
Damon: What's your name?
Jessica: Jessica.
Damon: Hi, Jessica. I have a secret. I have a big one. And I never said it out loud! I mean, what’s the point? It’s not gonna change anything, it’s not gonna make me good; make me an adopt a puppy... (pause) I can’t be what other people want me to be; what she wants me to be. This is who I am, Jessica.
Jessica: Are you gonna hurt me?
Damon: I'm not sure. Because you...are my existential crisis. Do I kill you? Or do I not kill you?
Jessica: (sobbing) Please don't.
Damon: But I have to, Jessica. Because I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world! That is my secret.

Daddy Issues [2.13][edit]

Elena: What are you doing here?
John: Coffee?
Elena: We did that last night. No more avoiding.

Jenna: What the hell?
John: Good morning to you, Jenna. Alaric.

Stefan: I went to go look for Isobel, and I get John instead. He said he can help us, and we're desperate.
Damon: We're not that desperate, Stefan. The guy tried to barbecue me!

Damon: Great work, Stefan. Top notch. As if I didn't have enough problems.
Stefan: Hey. I'm sorry about Rose.
Damon: Whatever. I knew the woman for five minutes.
Stefan: And you cared about her, after five minutes. I wonder what that means?
Damon: (scoffs) It means I care, Stefan. It means I'm changing - evolving into a man capable of greatness...

Damon (to Stefan): Better watch your back. Because I may just have to go get a hero hairdo of my own, and steal your thunder.

Jules (to Tyler): We live by a code of loyalty. We take care of each other. It's my duty and honor to help you. Please let me.

Damon: I'm not gonna hurt him, Elena. I'm a good guy now, remember?

Jules: I want the boy more than I want vengeance.
Brady: Let's get both.

Bonnie: Spare me the witch loyalty crap.

Jenna (to Alaric): So Elena is my sister's husband's brother's daughter, and her mother is my boyfriend's deceased wife. You can't make that stuff up.

Elena: Please don't do anything stupid.
Damon: Yeah, but stupid's so much more fun!
Elena: Damon, I mean it! All I'm asking is that you try to keep it together. Be the better man.
Damon: ...Okay, then.

Tyler: I thought vampires hated werewolves.
Stefan: That's some sort of leftover idea from another time; it doesn't have to be that way anymore. We go to the same school, have the same friends, we keep the same secrets. This can work, Tyler. I mean, it's your home, it's my home, too. I want this to work.

Stefan: Dammit, Tyler, I'm trying to save your life. Can't you see that?

John: You guys are drinking vervain?
Damon: It's an acquired taste. I don't see that magical ring on your stitched finger, so if you know something about Klaus, you better start talking, or I will kill you in your sleep.

Brady: I see you got the bullet out. That was...nasty. I've got lots of wooden bullets; other toys. It's gonna be a long night, sweet pea.

Elena: You totally blew her off.
Damon: I'm steering clear of all women at the moment.
Elena: You didn't have to be rude.
Damon: Trust me, it's in the best interest of women everywhere.

Damon: He's a werewolf. He needs to die, I'm willing kill him, it's a win-win!
Elena: Damon, please. Okay? Too many people are dead.
Damon: You need to stop doing that.
Elena: Doing what?
Damon: Assuming that I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking.

Damon: Do you mind?
John: What's going on?
Elena: Nothing.
John: It doesn't look like nothing.
Damon: Well, guess what, John? Trust works both ways. Get out.

Caroline: Why are you doing this to me?
Brady: You're a vampire. Why not?

Elena (to John): You may be my father, but I am never gonna be your daughter.

Damon (to Jules and Brady): Since Stefan got here earlier, I'll let him try it his way before I try it my way...which is a little bloodier.

Tyler: I didn't know what to do.
Caroline: You help your friend. That's what you do.

Tyler: I'm sorry.
Caroline: No. It's too late, because we are not friends anymore, and what happened to me tonight? That will never happen again. So you take that back to your little werewolf pack and you get the hell out of my house.

Elena (to Caroline): We're gonna slumber it.

Andie: What do you want, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?
Damon: I'm not that tall.

Andie: Why do you kill people?
Damon: Because I like it. It's in my nature. It's who I am. But then I have to stay together here, to protect her, and she wants me to be a better man, which means I can't be who I am. Do you see the problem I am having, Andie?
Andie: Or maybe this is who you are now. Love does that, Damon. It changes us.
Damon: (sighs) Just stop talking.

Crying Wolf [2.14][edit]

Brady (to Tyler): They're the enemy. And if they break that curse, all of us are as good as dead.

Jeremy: What kind of witch roofie was that?
Bonnie: A strong one.

Damon: My new girlfriend - Andie Star, Action News.
Alaric: It's not called action news.
Damon: I know. I just like saying it.

Alaric (about Andie): Just don't kill her, please.
Damon: If I did, who would report her death?

Alaric: That Elijah is one scary dude - but with nice hair.

Elijah: I'm an Original. Show a little respect.

Alaric (to John): You're a dick.

Stefan: How was the slumber party?
Elena: Fine. Good. Well-needed. When can me and you have one?

Stefan: This is a future memory: it's where your boyfriend whispered to you that he loved you.

Stefan: I think there are a lot of conversations to be had about our future. About the kind of life we can have together.

Elena: Stefan Salvatore, I hereby invite you into this home.

Tyler: The Doppleganger?
Stevie: Evil twin shadow person.

Damon: My new girlfriend. Andie Starr. Action News.
Alaric: It's not called "Action News."
Damon: I know. I like just saying it.

Tyler: I kinda fell for her. I don't know how anyone wouldn't because she's pretty incredible.

Jeremy: So, Luka remember anything?
Bonnie: No, he just lost consciousness, that's all.
Jeremy: Should we, uh, wait for Caroline?
Bonnie: She was just gonna drop Luka off at the Grill, said to lock the door on our way out.
Jeremy: Yeah, well I hope she drops him hard.
Bonnie: Wait. You're Elena's little brother. I've known you forever. You're that punk kid. And remember your awkward phase, and then your emo phase, your druggie phase. And overnight you've turned into this hot guy who's really sweet and-
Jeremy: You think I'm hot?
Bonnie: With everything that's going on, you know, curses and sacrifice-
Jeremy: Enough already.
(They kiss)
Bonnie: Whoa
(They kiss again)

Stefan: You wanna let yourself get killed? That's not heroic. That's tragic.

Stefan: Try not to get yourself killed.
Damon: Yeah. It's been a day for that.

Elijah (to Damon): This is the third time I've saved your life now.

Luka: Elena has to die.

Dinner Party [2.15][edit]

Damon: I get you out of here and your ass is sipping Klaus-free margaritas in some unknown island somewhere, no way.

Jeremy: You did like it, right?
Bonnie: Yeah. I liked it.

Damon: There's no such thing as a bad idea! Only poorly executed awesome ones.

Stefan: Hunt. Prey. Kill. It was all I knew.

Elena: He described you as a monster.
Stefan: That's what I was.

Elijah: I don't really pursue younger women. It's a joke, Ric. Lighten up.

Stefan: Are you actually gonna be careful for once?
Damon: Yes, I've become you. How tragic for both of us. Gotta run. Have a murder to plan. Busy day.

Journal entry: I saw the vampire who killed me. I recognized him. It was Stefan Salvatore.

Elijah: If you so as much make a move to cross me, I'll kill you and kill everyone in this house.

Stefan: Who wants to die next?

Elena: It sounds like you were like Damon.
Stefan: I was worse.

Damon: You sound about jealous. Does he sound about jealous?
Andie: You kind of do.

Damon: You get anything out of Elijah?
Alaric: No, it was boring. Of course, Jenna thinks he's charming.

Damon: Guess who's coming to dinner?

Andie: Whats that?
Damon: Dessert.

Alaric: Now get rid of him before Jenna comes back with dessert.

Damon: So, let me guess... in addition to the moonstone, the doppelganger...the lion, the witch, and the need to find this witch burial ground?

Katherine: Hello, Damon. Hey, do you have a robe?
Damon: How did you get out of there?
Katherine: I knew that if I begged you not to kill Elijah that's exactly what you'd do. Need a little fact? The Originals can compel other vampires, but, as soon as they die, the compulsion wears off...
Damon: And you knew that
Katherine: Yes, and I'm still here. I'm gonna help you. So, do you have that robe?

The House Guest [2.16][edit]

Elena: What is she doing here?
Damon: When we killed Elijah, it broke the compulsion and freed the bitch from the tomb.

Stefan: What are you doing?!
Damon: Shutting down a crazy-ass psychic witch attack! Get over there and do something about it brother!!!!!!

Isobel: Hi, you must be Jenna. I'm Elena's mother.

Caroline: I'm a vampire, Matt.

Damon: Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.

Katherine: You hurt me today.
Damon: Tit for tat.

Alaric (to Jenna): Just know that I love you. At least I can tell you that much.
Jenna: Goodnight, Ric.
Alaric: Goodnight.

Katherine (to Elena): Your pretty little outfit is gonna need a good dry clean.

Bonnie: You didn't have to kill him.
Katherine: Yes we did.

Caroline: Just because I talk a lot doesn't mean I always know what I'm talking about.

Jenna: Not now, Ric. Tonight, I trade you for Senor Tequila.

Elena: How do we tell someone what we know? How does someone hear that?

Katherine (to Damon): I wanted out of the tomb. Doesn't matter the price. Of course I knew you would die.

Elena: It's gonna be a girls' night. Maybe Katherine can join us. (being sarcastic)

Matt: Since when am I the one who can express himself and you the one at a loss for words?

Elena: I don't really need your help and I don't want it.
Katherine: That's incredibly stupid of you,Elena. You know that?

Know Thy Enemy [2.17][edit]

Isobel: sorry for being such a disappointment to you Elena.

Elena: You screw up everything, John. Everything you touch just falls apart. But you’re the only parent I have left. So maybe I can learn not to hate you.

Damon: Great, we’ll have to put that on our list of things to do today. “Harness dead witch power."

Damon: Don't mistake the fact that we haven't set you on fire in your sleep for trust.

Damon: I'll be super pissed if you lock me out.

Stefan:(To Damon) Tell you what,why don't you call Alaric and let him know that his wife just showed up on his girlfriend's doorstep.

The Last Dance [2.18][edit]

Damon: (dancing with Elena) I have moves you've never seen before, girl.

Bonnie: (dancing with Damon) You heard Jeremy and me talking, didn't you?
Damon: Is it true?
Bonnie: Yes.
Damon: The part about you having a 50-50 shot of surviving? Is that true?
Bonnie: He [Jeremy] was upset. I didn't want him to worry.
Damon: So you lay it all out on the line for Elena, no matter what.
Bonnie: No matter what. You can't tell her.
Damon: Your secret's safe with me. But, I mean, with all that power, is there no way to increase your odds?
Bonnie: Careful, Damon. I might start to think you actually care.
Damon: We wouldn't want that

Damon: You see, that's why I didn't tell you. Cause you would have never been able to do it. Don't get me wrong, Stefan. I don't mind being a bad guy. I'll make all the life and death decisions, while you're busy worrying about collateral damage. I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive.

Damon (to Elena): Let me be clear about something, alright? If it comes down to you and the witch again, I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will

Elena: (After drinking, Elena saw Damon entering the house) What did you do with her?
Damon: (To Stefan) Will you please calm her down?
Elena: Don't talk like I'm standing right in front of you-
Damon: Will you please calm down?
Elena: You knew! You knew that she harnessed all that power! That she would die didn't you?
Damon: Yes.... Yes, I know!

(Slaps Damon)

Klaus [2.19][edit]

Damon: Wow, I'd love to lend you a hand, but, you know, you wouldn't want me doing anything stupid.
Stefan: You're seriously gonna be like this?
Damon: You and your girlfriend are calling the shots. I'm just... backing off, Stefan.

Elena (to Elijah, about Katherine): You cared about her, didn't you?

Elijah: It's a common mistake, I'm told. And it's one I won't make again.

Elijah: I need some air. I'm still feeling a tad... dead. Come.

Katherine: Where is he going?
Klaus (in Alaric's body): To retrieve me. So I can get out of this bad hair-do.

Elijah:I think the term you're looking for is...OMG.

Elijah:The curse of the sun and the moon is fake.

Damon:Thought you might be dead.
Katherine: Unfortunately not.

(in a flashback)
Katerina: Thank you for entertaining me.
Elijah: Oh, you looked lonely inside, so I took pity on you.
Katerina: Klaus promised to spend the day with me, but he never returned home from the night.
Elijah: Klaus does not live by any rules but his own.
Katerina: He is a very charming man. Hard for any women to resist I suppose.
Elijah: And yet...
Katerina: I know not why he called me. He seems to not care about me at all.
Elijah: Many a union has been built on much less.
Katerina: Is it wrong to want more?
Elijah: Do you have more with Trevor?
Katerina: Trevor believes that he loves me but...true love is not real unless it is returned. Do you agree?
Elijah: I do not believe in love, Katerina.
Katerina: That is too sad for me to accept, my lord. Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?

Damon: You should be thankful she’s here. She’s keeping me from going for what I really want.
Stefan: You’re right. Thank you for being in love with my girlfriend.

Stefan: (about Elijah) If anyone can get him to help us kill Klaus, it's her.
Damon: Bonnie's the way to kill Klaus, Stefan. He thinks she's dead. We have a chance with her.
Stefan: She'll kill herself in the process. Elena's looking for another way.
Damon: Her way's going to get her killed. So we need to find her and stop her.

Katherine: What are you doing here?
Andie: (walking into the apartment) We're here to rescue you.
Damon: No, sweetie. We are here to see if she deserves to be rescued.
Andie: Right.
Damon: I figured you still might be kicking. Alaric-Klaus was blending way too easily. Figured he probably had some coaching.

Elijah: Klaus and I faked the Sun and Moon curse dating back over a thousand years.
Elena: (prompting) But if there's no curse...
Elijah: There's a curse. Just not that one. The real one's much worse. It's a curse placed on Klaus.
Elena: What are you talking about?
Elijah: Klaus has been trying to break it for the last thousand years.

Jenna: When I was little, you mom used to tell me bedtime stories. Stories about vampires. I never thought that what she said could be true.
Elena: It is true, Jenna. I should have told you. I thought that if you didn't know, you'd be safe. But then things got so out of control and everything I had done to keep you out of it, it just blew up in my face.

The Last Day [2.20][edit]

Damon: What if it doesn't work, Elena?
Elena: Then I guess I'll just be dead.

Stefan: Elena made her decision. She's choosing to trust Elijah. I'm going to put my faith in her.
Damon: Why? She's going to end up dead.
Stefan: Because she put her faith in me. She chose to trust me in spite of what I am. If I'm going to bet on somebody's instincts, it's going to be hers.
Damon: Well, then, that makes you the biggest idiot of them all.
Stefan: She chose to trust you, too.
Damon: Then maybe you shouldn't be so sure about her instincts.

Alaric: It's me, Elena, I swear, okay? He let me go. Klaus let me go.
Damon: Prove it.
Alaric: (looking to Jenna) Okay, uh, first night you and I spent together, Jeremy walked in right when I was about to...
Jenna: (lowers the crossbow) Okay, it's him.

Stefan: So you don’t remember anything that happened?
Alaric: No, it’s like I blacked out and woke up three days later... Katherine was there.
Stefan: She's under compulsion. Damon snuck her some vervain, but she can't leave until Klaus tells her she can.

Elena: (about Damon and her part in the sacrifice) You'd think he'd understand why I'm willing to do this.
Elijah: Why are you?
Elena: I'm the key to breaking the curse. Klaus is here because of me. If I don't stop him, then he's going to hurt people. It's that simple.
Elijah: You know, there's a possibility this elixir won't work. I don't want to mislead you.
Elena: I know the chance I'm taking.

Damon: You're going to die, Elena.
Elena: And then I'll come back to life.
Damon: That is not a risk I am willing to take.
Elena: But I am. It's my life, Damon. My choice.
Damon: ...I can't lose you.
Elena: You won't.

Damon (to Elena): You're so bent on dying, at least this way I know you'll come back.
Stefan: As a vampire. She'll come back a vampire!
Damon: It's better than nothing else!
Stefan: How could you, of all people, take that choice away from her?!

Damon (to Elena): Go ahead; wish me an eternity of misery. Believe me, you'll get over it.

Elijah: Tell Elena I'll be back before nightfall. We'll proceed as planned.
Damon: We both know that elixir wouldn't have worked, anyway.
Elijah: The problem, talk a good game, but you don't actually "know" anything. She'll never forgive you. And "never" for a's a very long time.

Damon: I screwed up.
Alaric: Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Damon: Any reason you stopped by to say 'hi'?
Klaus: I'm told you and your brother fancy my doppelganger. Just thought I'd remind you not to do anything you'll regret.
Damon: Ha! Thanks for the advice. I don't suppose I could talk you into a postponement, by any chance, huh?
Klaus: You're kidding. (looks to Alaric) He's kidding right?
Alaric: No, not really.
Damon: I mean, come on, what's one month in the whole grand scheme of things?
Klaus: Let me be clear... I have my vampire. I have my werewolf. I have everything I need. The ritual will happen tonight. So if you want to live to see tomorrow, don't screw it up.

Alaric: You're going to screw it up, aren't you?
Damon: You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might..."get over" the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire?
Alaric: I think it won't matter because you'll be dead.
Damon: But without the werewolf, he can't perform the ritual tonight, which means I would have bought her one month before the next full moon.
Alaric: And you'll still be dead.

Elena: We are climbing all the way up to the top?
Stefan: Oh yeah.
Elena: Well can’t you do one of super power vampire jumpy things.
Stefan: No, it’s your last day as a human, why cheat now?

Stefan: Look, I know this isn’t the first time you've thought about it, drinking vampire blood to survive, and I know I've thought about it a hundred times.
Elena: And before all this with Klaus? Do you think about it then?
Stefan: Of course I did. Look, if it were my choice, I would want to be with you forever.
Elena: Why have you never brought it up?
Stefan: Because I knew if it was an option you would have. It’s selfish for me to ask you.
Elena: Didn’t stop Damon.
Stefan: He shouldn’t of done what he did. He did it because he loves you.
Elena: But he did this to me, Stefan. Which means he doesn’t really know what love is and, to be honest, I don’t know if I do. I’m seventeen years old. How do I know any of this yet? I know that I love you, Stefan. I know that but my future, our lives together, those were things I was supposed to do as they came along. I was supposed to grow up, decide if I wanna have kids and start a family, grow old, and I was supposed to have a lifetime of those choices. Now that’s all gone.
Stefan: It’s okay to say it. Please.
Elena: (sobbing) I don’t want to be a vampire, Stefan. I never wanted to be one.

Caroline: (as she awakes, chained to a wall in the tomb) Tyler?
Tyler: You all right?
Caroline: Yeah... I think so.
Tyler: (as she tries to break the chains) I already tried.
Caroline: Those witches vervained me.
Tyler: Who were they?
Caroline: I think they're with Klaus

Elena: What's the best part about being a vampire?
Stefan: You feel like you could do anything. Be anyone. Beautiful things are more beautiful. Everything's heightened, you just live more intensely, love more powerfully.

Tyler: I knew you hated me. I thought you deserved better than having someone like me in your life.
Caroline: I was hurt. You know, you turned your back on me when I needed you. But I could never hate you, Tyler.

The Sun Also Rises [2.21][edit]

Katherine: One hundred and forty-five years and no last goodbye?
Damon: You don't get a goodbye.
Katherine: Don't. Don't leave mad.
Damon: Us ending up on good terms is not exactly on my bucket list, Katherine.
Katherine: Klaus made me call Jenna to lure her out. There was nothing I could do. I didn't have a choice.
Damon: That's why I gave you the vervain. So you had a choice.
Katherine: It was her or me. I chose her.
Damon: I helped you. You owed me. Now when Klaus dies you're going to walk out of here without a scratch and Elena's aunt dies. Somehow you're the only one that wins. How'd that happen?
Katherine: I didn't let love get in the way.
Damon: Enjoy an eternity alone, Katherine.

[Jeremy and Bonnie are looking through grimoires.]
Jeremy: This is useless. In all these grimoires, there– there has to be something in here to keep Elena from becoming a vampire.
Bonnie: And we'll keep looking, until the last minute.

Elena: Greta, witches are supposed to maintain the balance of nature. It's your duty to them, to keep this curse sealed.
Greta: My duty is to Klaus. The new order.
[Klaus arrives.]
Klaus: Glad to know I still have a dance partner.

Damon (to Elena): (carrying Elena's lifeless body) If you come back a vampire, I'll stake you myself. So don't. (sets her down) Also...I can’t stand the idea of you hating me forever.
Jeremy: How is she?
Damon: I don't know yet.
Alaric: And Jenna?
Damon: (shakes his head)
Alaric: No...
Damon: I'm sorry, Jeremy.
(Elena gasps, coming back to life)
Elena: Damon...?
Damon: How do you feel?
Elena: (slowly nods) I feel fine...
(Damon breathes huge sigh of relief)

Tyler: You were right. I shouldn't have come home.
Caroline: No, you just– should have never left. And you shouldn't leave again.
Tyler: You're kidding, right? This is the second time I've tried to kill you.
Caroline: Well, no friendship is perfect.

John: (voiceover) Elena. It's no easy task being an ordinary parent to an extraordinary child. I failed in that task. And because of my prejudices, I failed you. I'm haunted by how things might have played out differently if I'd been more willing to hear your side of things. For me, it's the end. For you, a chance to grow old and someday do better with your own child than I did with mine. It's for that child that I give you my ring. I don't ask for your forgiveness or for you to forget. I ask only that you believe this. Whether you are now reading this as a human or as a vampire, I love you all the same. As I've always loved you, and always will. John.

Damon (to Stefan): You wanna do something for me? Don't tell Elena about this. The last thing she needs is another grave to mourn.

As I Lay Dying [2.22][edit]

Elena: What do you want?
Damon: I want to apologize.
Elena: Damon-
Damon: Please. ...Elena, feeding you my blood, I was wrong.
Elena: Yes, you were.
Damon: And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but... I need it.

Stefan: You’re not dying today.
Damon: What’s the plan, Superman?

Alaric (on the phone): (drunk) Sorry, you’ve reached someone who’s currently not operating.
Stefan: I need your help.
Alaric: Well, you must have me confused with somebody else. You see, I'm not allowed to help - just idly sit by while my girlfriend gets sacrificed on an altar of blood.
Stefan: Damon's dying.
Alaric: ...What?
Stefan: Tyler Lockwood bit him. We don't have much time.
Alaric: What do you need?

Elena(to Stefan, about Gone with the Wind): Look who couldn't resist an epic romance.

Stefan: Whatever Damon's done, whatever has led him here, I'm the one who made him become a vampire in the first place. So if there's a chance for a cure, I owe it to him to find it.

(Damon is hallucinating)
Katherine: Is it wrong for me to want you both?
Elena: Damon.
Damon: (turns from Katherine) Elena?
Elena: Don't you see? She was toying with you. All you had to do was say no; walk away. You had a choice.

Elijah: You gave me your word, Niklaus.

Alaric (sees Damon's werewolf bite): Well, that looks bad.
Damon: It feels worse.

Damon: My subconscious is haunting me, Ric. Please tell me you have something for that.
Alaric: Double shot.
Damon: That's good.

Damon: You should want me dead. I’m the reason Jenna got killed.
Alaric: I don’t blame you for Jenna.
Damon: Oh sure you do. Let’s not forget, I turned your wife into a vampire. You must really hate me for that one.
Alaric: OK, give me your glass. Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.
Damon: (grabs Alaric by the throat) Kill me. Please.
Alaric: Screw you. (stabs him with vervain dart)
Damon: No... (falls over) Elena?
Alaric: Elena's not here, Damon.

Klaus: I heard about this one vampire, crazy bloke, always on-and-off the wagon for decades. When he was off, he was magnificent. 1917 he went into Monterrey and wiped out an entire migrant village. True ripper. Sound familiar?
Stefan: I haven’t been that way in a very long time.
Klaus: Well, that’s the vampire I can make a deal with. That is the kind of talent that I can use when I leave this town.

Stefan: Your blood is the cure.
Klaus: Gotta love Mother Nature.

Caroline: That was Bonnie. Jeremy's alive.
Sheriff Forbes: (relieved and crying) I thought I'd killed him.
Caroline: You did.
Sheriff Forbes: I don't understand.
Caroline: I explained it to you once but I had to make you forget because I was so scared about what you might do. But now, I don't want to lie. I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore. (Taking her mother's hand) And I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore. (crying, she hugs her mother) I'm still your little girl. It's me. It's me.

(crying, Sheriff Forbes returns her embrace)

Bonnie (to Jeremy): You were dead. It would be weird if you felt normal.

Damon: (coughs) Elena...
Elena: It's ok, Damon. I'm right here.
Damon: Elena, get out of here. I could hurt you.
Elena: No. You won't. I'm here until the very end, I'm not leaving you.

Damon (about Katherine): All those years I blamed Stefan. But no one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I’m sorry.

Klaus: (to Stefan) You can either remain here living your life in Mystic Falls or you can embrace what you truly are - leave town with me and save your brother’s life.

Damon: This is even more pitiful than I thought.
Elena: There's still hope.
Damon: I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die.
Elena: No... You don't.
Damon: I do, Elena. It's okay. Because if I’d have chosen differently, I wouldn't have met you. I’m so sorry. I’ve done so many things to hurt you.
Elena: It's okay. I forgive you.
Damon: I know you love Stefan. And it will always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.
Elena: (nods) I do.

Damon: You should have met me in 1864. I think you would have liked me.
Elena: I like you now. Just the way you are.

Katherine (to Elena, about Stefan): He just sacrificed everything to save his brother, including you. It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company. Goodbye, Elena.

Katherine (to Elena): It's OK to love them both. I did.

External links[edit]

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