True Blood (TV series)

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True Blood (2008–present) is a dramatic vampire television show, airing on HBO, created by Alan Ball. It is about the inhabitants of a little town and their opinion about vampires, who live in public.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Strange Love [1.1][edit]

Tara: "Welcome to Super Save-a-Bunch."
Customer: "Hi, I'm looking for that thick translucent plastic sheeting. The kind that they hang in front of the doors of walk in refrigerators."
Tara: "Uh... We don't sell that here. You can try at Home Depot's.
Customer: "I tried them already, they sent me here."
Tara: "Aww."
Customer: "Now I cannot believe you don't have that here. Oh, I don't even know what it's called!"
Tara: "Sorry."
Customer: "But you're supposed to have everything!"
Tara: "Well we don't have that stuff. That you don't even know what it's called."
Customer: "Your website says that this is the most well stocked store in five parishes! Now, I just drove over an hour from Martha-ville-"
Tara: "Uh-huh. Does our website have a phone number?"
Customer: "Well I suppose it does-"
Tara: "So it never occurred to you before you drove an hour to pick up a phone and call us to see if we stocked whatever the hell it is you're looking for?"
Customer: "Well I think that if a business chooses to classify it's self as-"
Tara: "Why didn't you just find it online and have it delivered to your house? Or were you just looking for an excuse to wear them ugly ass clothes."
Customer: "I would like to speak to your manager!"
Tara: "Fine! WAILON! Trust me, you are not getting me fired. I am quittin. You were just the fuckin catalyst and for that I otta thank you!"
Customer: "You are a very rude young woman!"
Tara: "Oh this ain't rude. This is uppity." [slaps Wailon across the face] "That's for pattin my ass to much! Imma get my baby daddy who just got out of prison to come and kick yo teeth in."
Wailon: "Jesus Tara please don't do anything-"
Tara: "Oh my god! I'm not serious you pathetic racist! I don't have a baby! Damn! I know y'all have to be stupid but do you have to be that stupid? Shit! Fuck this job!"

Lafayette: You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You got a date?
Sookie: No. When I wear makeup, I get bigger tips.
Lafayette: [laughing] Yes, girl. Let's hear it! These damn rednecks are suckers for packaging.
Sookie: And I get even bigger tips when I act like I don't have a brain in my head. But if I don't, they're all scared of me.
Lafayette: They ain't scared of you, honey child. They're scared of what's between your legs.
Sookie: Lafayette! That's nasty talk, I won't listen to that.
Arlene: Do you even know what's between a woman's legs, Lafayette?
Lafayette: I know ever man, whether straight, gay, or George motherfuckin Bush is terrified of the pussy!
Sookie: Lafayette!
Dawn: Ooh, what are we talkin about?!
Lafayette: Pussy.
Arlene: Hey, listen. Not everybody is gay, okay? Not everybody wants to have sex with you.
Lafayette: Oh, you would be surprised, Arlene. People you know... that's all I'm sayin.
Dawn: Well, I don't wanna have sex with you.
Arlene: Me neither.
Lafayette: Y'all bitches don't know what you're missing. I got six gears up in these hips!
Dawn: No, baby. You don't know what you're missing. You can watch it walk away. Make you wanna slap it?
Lafayette: Everybody know that. Everybody been there. John been there.
Arlene: Take these, baby. Peaches and cream.
Lafayette: I'll give you a little cocoa. Little cocoa. Ain't that right, John? Shit.

Sookie: Hi, what can I - what can I get for you tonight?
Bill: Do you have any of that synthetic bottled blood?
Sookie: No, I'm - I'm so sorry. Sam got some a year ago, but nobody ever ordered it, so it went bad. You're our first [whispers] vampire.
Bill: Am I that obvious?
Sookie: I knew the minute you came in. I can't believe nobody else around here seems to.
Bill: [referring to Sam] He does.
Sookie: Oh, don't worry about Sam, he's cool. I know for a fact he supports the vampire rights amendment.
Bill: How progressive of him.
Sookie: Well, anything else you drink?
Bill: Actually, no. But you can get me a glass of red wine, so I have a reason to be here.
Sookie: Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you are!

Denise Rattray: "This ain't your business you stupid cunt."
Sookie: "Now see that just proves how low rent you really are."
Denise Rattray: "You have any idea who you're messing with? You don't want to be on my bad side."
Sookie: "I'm not so sure you even have another side you no count back woods trash."

Bill: Aren't you afraid to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?
Sookie: No.
Bill: Vampires often turn on those who trust them, you know. We don't have human values like you.
Sookie: A lot of humans turn on those who trust them, too. [takes out a silver chain and wraps it around her neck] I'm not a total fool.
Bill: Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine.
Sookie: Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister! You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am!
Bill: You want to drink the blood they collected?
Sookie: [disgusted] No!
Bill: I understand it makes humans feel more healthy. Improves their sex life.
Sookie: I am as healthy as a horse, and I have no sex life to speak of, so ... you can just keep it.
Bill: You could always sell it.
Sookie: [firmly] I wouldn't touch it.
Bill: [leans in close] What are you?
Sookie: Well, I-I'm Soo-I'm Sookie Stackhouse, and I'm a waitress. What's your name?
Bill: Bill.
Sookie:[giggles] Bill? I thought it might be Antoine, or Basil, or - or like Langford, maybe. But Bill? Vampire Bill! [laughs]

[Discussing hookers who specialize in vampires]
Gran: Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?
Jason: A thousand bucks.
Sookie: See, now that just makes me sick.
Gran: I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?
Sookie: No, it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips.

[Customer snaps his fingers to get Tara's attention for a drink]
Tara: Uh-uh! Do - do not snap at me. I have a name. And that name is Tara. Ain't that some fucked up shit, a black girl being named after a plantation? [laughs softly and then glares] No I don't think it's funny at all. In fact it really pisses me off that my momma was either stupid or just plain mean. Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight.
Customer: Sorry ma'am.

The First Taste [1.2][edit]

Sookie: [awakes to find Bill licking at her open head wound] Do I taste different from other people?
Bill: Yes. What are you?
Sookie: Well, apparently I'm not dead. What I am is telepathic. I can hear people's thoughts.
Bill: Even mine?
Sookie: No. That's why I like you so much. I can't hear you at all. You have no idea how peaceful that is after a lifetime of blah, blah, blah.
Bill: May I ask you a personal question?
Sookie: Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that.

Bill: There must be some people who know about your talent.
Sookie: The people closest to me. But - we never talk about it. And I do my best to stay out of their heads. Over the years, I've learned how. I figure it's kind of unethical to listen in to my family, my friends, my boss. But, they know. Other people suspect or they they think I'm psychic. Most people just think I'm crazy.
Bill: What does it sound like?
Sookie: It's sort of like a stream of consciousness. Gets weirder when people are mad or upset. Sometimes... sometimes it's just images. I should be gettin' home. [moves to sit up, looks surprised] Wow, I feel completely healed.
Bill: You are.
Sookie: Do doctors know that V juice can do this?
Bill: No, and we wanna keep it that way. I should show you to your car.

Sookie: How old are you? Am I allowed to ask that?
Bill: I was made vampire in 1865, when I was thirty human years old.
Sookie: Wow, you look older than that.
Bill: Life was harder then.
Sookie: Were you in the Civil War?
Bill: I was.
Sookie: Would you be willing to come and talk to my grandmother's club? It's mostly a bunch of old people who had family in the war. They call themselves Descendants of the Glorious Dead.
Bill: [incensed] The glorious dead? There is nothing glorious about dying in a war. A bunch of starving, freezing boys killing each other so the rich people can stay rich? Madness.
Sookie: [pause] I'm sure it was awful.
Bill: Would it make you happy if I did this?
Sookie: Oh, it would make my grandmother ecstatic.
Bill: Would it make you happy?
Sookie: Well... yes.
Bill: I'll do it then. I look forward to meeting your grandmother. When may I call on you?
Sookie: I'm off work tomorrow.
Bill: Just after dark then.

Sookie: [standing outside her house] Well, since you're here...
[opens her door, but Bill hesitates]
Sookie: What's wrong?
Bill: You have to invite me in. Otherwise, it's physically impossible for me to enter a mortal's home.
Sookie: Seriously? Well come on, try.
Bill: I-I can't. I can't even try.
Sookie: That is so weird! [playfully] Oh Bill, won't you please come in?
Bill: Thank you.
Sookie: [blocks his path] So, if I were to withdraw my invitation, would you have to leave?
[Bill nods, embarrassed]
Sookie: I'll have to remember that.

Sookie: You said you could glamour somebody into letting you bite them? What is that? Hypnosis?
Bill: Kinda. It's similar. All humans are susceptible to it.
Sookie: Have you done it to me?
Bill: No, and I never will.
Sookie: Really? Try it.
Bill: No. I don't feel comfortable with that.
Sookie: You chicken?
Bill: [stops walking and stares intensely into her eyes, whispers] Sookie?
Sookie: [whispers] Yes?
Bill: Can you feel my influence?
Sookie: [laughs] No! Not a bit! Sorry.
Bill: [confused] Sookie, this is very strange.
Sookie: You don't like not being able to control people, do you? That's not a very attractive trait, Bill.
Bill: Human are usually more squeamish about vampires than you are.
Sookie: Who am I to be squeamish about something out of the ordinary?

Mine [1.3][edit]

Bill: [after Malcolm and his gang have left] I'm sorry you had to witness that. Your visit was unexpected.
Sookie: What's Hep-D?
Bill: Hepatitis D is the only blood born pathogen to which we are susceptible. Malcolm must be furious.
Sookie: Hepatitis?
Bill: A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.
Sookie: I've never even heard of it.
Bill: That's because we've kept it out of the media.
Sookie: And it makes you sick for a year?
Bill: No. It just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from Hep-D is being captured and staked during that time.
Sookie: Yeah. You don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.
Bill: Precisely.
Sookie: And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?
Bill: I was communicating to the others that you are my human and therefore I was the only one who can feed on you.
Sookie: You most certainly cannot feed on me!
Bill: Well of course I can't, Sookie. But had they known that, they'd've considered you fair game and I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It would be three against one, and Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.
Sookie: And... you and Diane dated?
Bill: We had sex once, just after she was made vampire back in the late 1930's.
Sookie: What? Gross. Bill, she's so... they-they're all so mean, so ...
Bill: Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest and when vampires live in nests, they become more cruel, more ... vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone, are much more likely to hang on to some semblance of our former humanity.

Sookie: [just getting home and seeing him suddenly] God damn it Bill! How many times do I have to tell you, do not do that!
Bill: I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional. I just got here. I wanted to make sure that you were safe.
Sookie: Why can't I hear your thoughts? Do you even have any thoughts?
Bill: Oh, I have thoughts... many life times of thoughts.
Sookie: So why can't I hear them?
Bill: I don't know. Perhaps it's 'cause I don't have brain waves.
Sookie: Why not?
Bill: Because I'm dead.
Sookie: No, you're not! You're standing here, talking to me.

Sookie: I think we need to stop seeing each other.
Bill: Why?!
Sookie: Because you don't breathe. You don't have any electrical whatever it is. Your friends would like nothing more than to rip my throat out and because vampires killed that preacher from the fellowship of the sun church and his wife and baby! You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it?
Bill: Human have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsible for that.
Sookie: Bill, night before last I had to bury my bloody clothes because I didn't want my grandmother to find out I was almost killed, and tonight I was almost killed again! Why on earth would I continue seeing you?
Bill: Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with.

Bill: [in her dream] Sookie, don't ever sneak up on a vampire. What are you doing here?
Sookie: All right, here's the deal... and this is a little embarrassing. I've never been with a man intimately, for all the reasons I told you about. But... I feel things when I'm with you that make me think and... I know this could be a huge mistake, one I will regret forever, but it feels like you're the one that I'm supposed to, you know... do it with. And... I'm really nervous about that... and frankly I'm scared to death of you. So can we just get it out of the way already so I can relax and get a good night's sleep?
[Bill draws close to kiss her]
Sookie: Just... just don't bite me, okay?

Malcolm: [letting Bill in] Well look. It's everyone's favorite buzz kill.
Diane: Hey baby.
Liam: [offers him blood] Yo mister mainstream. Thirsty?
Bill: No.
Diane: Hungry for something else? I remember you having a very sizable... appetite.
Bill: The three of you will stay away from me and Sookie from now on.
Malcolm: I'm your elder. You have no authority here.
Bill: There are higher authorities.
Malcolm: I'm not afraid of Eric.
Bill: Higher'n him.
Malcolm: Well then she can speak to me.
Diane: She can suck on sunlight for all I care.
Bill: You know, you are doing nothing to help our cause.
Diane: Not everyone wants to dress up and play human, Bill.
Liam: Yeah. Not everyone wants to live off that Japanese shit they call blood, either. As if we could.
Bill: We have to moderate our behavior now that we are out in the open.
Malcolm: Not everybody thinks it was such a great idea, and not everybody intends to toe the party line. [leans forward] Honey, if we can't kill people, what's the point of being a vampire?

Escape From Dragon House [1.4][edit]

Tara: School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to them, I figure I’d save my money and just read to myself.

Sookie: [while driving to Fangtasia] Penny for your thoughts?
Bill: I thought you liked not knowing what I'm thinking.
Sookie: Most of the time I do.
Bill: You won't care for it.
Sookie: That doesn't mean I don't wanna know.
Bill: [looking at her clothes then back to the road] You look like vampire bait.
Sookie: [laughing] What's that supposed to mean?
Bill: I promised your grandmother no harm would come to you at Fangtasia tonight. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to keep that promise with you dressed like this.
Sookie: So are you sayin' you think I look nice?
Bill: Doesn't matter what I think. This isn't a date. Remember?

Jason: [sitting in the freezer, really worried] I think I might'a OD'd.
Tara: Oh, my God. On what?
Jason: V.
Tara: You're doin' V now?
Jason: It was my first time.
Tara: Where on earth did you come across V in this town?
Jason: [hesitant] Lafayette.
Tara: My cousin is dealin' vampire blood now? God damn idiot. Well, at least that explains why I walked in on you dancin' around in that Laura Bush mask yesterday, 'cause I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some fucked up shit! All right, let me see it.
Jason: Huh?
Tara: How long have you had the erection?
Jason: Well, how do you know?
Tara: Um, I read. You're not the first vain-ass, body-conscious ex-jock to overdo the V and wind up with an acute case of priapism!

Pam: [as he walks up to Fangtasia with Sookie] Bill. Haven't seen you in a while.
Bill: I'm mainstreamin'.
Pam: Good for you. Who's the doll?
Bill: Pam, this is Sookie. Sookie, this is Pam.
Sookie: [smiling, extending her hand to Pam] Pleased to meet you.
Pam: Can I see your ID?
Sookie: Oh. Sure. How funny. Who'd have thought? Getting carded at a vampire bar.
Pam: I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful we serve no minors... in any capacity. (looking at her id) Twenty-five, huh? How sweet it is.

Eric: So, Bill, are you quite attached to your friend?
Bill: She is mine.
Sookie: Yes, I am his.
Eric: Well what a pity. For me.

Sparks Fly Out [1.5][edit]

Tara: [throwing items at Lafayette] Stupid! Fuckin! Bitch!
Lafayette: [swinging baseball bat] Bring it on, hooker! I was all parish in high school.

Bill: Sookie, you cannot be frightened of everythin' you don't know in this world.
Sookie: Well my world's openin' up mighty fast! And what I got here may be boring, but it's safe! And after the past couple of nights, safe sounds good about now.

Woman on the phone: [ranting over the phone] You will go to hell for this!
Adele Stackhouse: Alright, same to you. Bye now.

Tara: Why didn't you tell me you were going out with Sam?
Sookie: Because it just happened and how did you know?
Tara: Arlene. She works fast.
Sookie: All he did was ask me to the DGD tonight and besides it's in a church. And why shouldn't I? He's perfectly nice, he's got a good job, and he's not a vampire! And why, why do I have to justify this to you?
Tara: I'm entitled to know what my girl's up to, aren't I?

Lafayette: 'Scuse me. Who ordered the hamburger, [puts plate on table] with aids?
Royce: I ordered the hamburger deluxe.
Lafayette: In this restaurant a hamburger deluxe come with frimp fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo, AND AIDS! DO ANYBODY GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
Royce: Yeah! I'm an American, and I got a say in who makes my food!
Lafayette: Well baby's it's to late for that. Faggots been breeding your cows, raising your chickens, even brewing your beer long before I walked my sexy ass up in this mother fucker. Everything on your god damn table got aids.
Royce: You still ain't making me eat no aids burger.
Lafayette: Well all you gotta do is say hold the aids. Here. [licks hamburger bun] Eat it. [jams in Royce's face]

[His friend stands up to help, Lafayette backhands him to the ground. Other friend steps up to help, Lafayette punches him in the stomach and he falls. Royce stands up, Lafayette elbows him in the jaw and he falls.]

Lafayette: Bitch you come in my house, [picks up the rest of the hamburger] you gonna eat my food the way I FUCKING MAKE IT! Do you understand me? [dumps food in Royce's lap]
Lafayette: Tip your waitress. [Walks toward kitchen; high fives Jason; goes back to kitchen]



Sam: Sookie, you have no future with a vampire!
Sookie: They don't die. I've got nothing but a future with one.

Bill: [awakens, very weak and looks around seeing two bodies] The others?
Lorena: [meekly] They all presented themselves as gentlemen. Blame the war if you like. Proved to be no more than savages once I let them into my home. They deserved no better!
Bill: Am... Am I dying?
Lorena: Oh yes. But I'm not keen to let you go quite so easily. I've waited a long time for a man such as you. [straddles his waist and cuts her neck] Drink... if you do not drink, you will die as certain as I am speakin' to you right now. Do you wish to see your family again? Your wife, your children... you must drink from me.
[Bill drinks with reluctance]
Lorena: Take me in you. Feel me in you. We are together, William. Forever! You are mine!

Cold Ground (1.6)[edit]

Sam: [walking into Sookie's room] She's asking for you.
Bill: [turning from the window] Is there something you want to say to me?
Sam: I want you to stay away from her.
Bill: You know Sookie doesn't take kindly to people making decisions for her.
Sam: [pacing the room] You don't need to tell me who Sookie is... I know who she is. I've know a long time.
Bill: Then you'll also know this neither the time nor the place to... mark your territory.

Sookie: [about yelling at a neighbor] I shouldn't have lost it like that.
Tara: Don't you feel sorry for yellin' at that snoopy old bitch. She's been stickin' her nose where it don't belong for years.
Lafayette: Say it. I mean, if she talked any more shit she'd be shaped like a toilet.

Lafayette: [looking at all of the food brought by the town] What the fuck is it with white people and jello? I don't understand.
Tara: What the hell we gonna do with all this?
Lafayette: Toss it. Sookie don't need no bad juju cooking.
Tara: Bad juju?
Lafayette: Way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That shit true as gold. You put some love in your food and folk can taste it. [picks up the cornbread] Smell this. You can smell the fear and nastiness comin' off that cornbread.
Tara: [takes a bit] Tastes just fine to me.
Lafayette: See bitch. You gonna wish you ain't did that. Watch.

Jason: [chasing her through the cemetery] Sookie... Sookie. Just hold up a sec.
Sookie: Why? So you can hit me again? Go ahead and tell me how it's all my fault. Tell me how you wish it were me in that coffin. I deserve it?!
Jason: I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.
Sookie: [taking a step back] Don't touch me.
Jason: I didn't mean to hurt you. You gotta know that.
Sookie: You invited Uncle Bartlett! How could you do that?
Jason: He has a right to be here. I know he and Gran had their problems. But what ever they were, it don't matter no more. That's what family does. We forgive each other.
Sookie: You have no idea what you're talking about.
Jason: Sookie, please... Please. We are all we've got.
Sookie: We've got nothing.

Tara: [about vampires] Do you think they're capable of lovin' a person?
Lafayette: Who knows what they're capable of.

Burning House of Love [1.7][edit]

Sookie: [Surprised as Bill wipes off the mirror] Wait a minute. I thought you're supposed to be invisible in the mirror.
Bill: We started many of the mysteries about ourselves centuries ago.
Sookie: What about holy water?
Bill: [Climbing into the bath] It's just water.
Sookie: Crucifixes?
Bill: Geometry.
Sookie: Garlic?
Bill: It's irritating. That's pretty much it.
Sookie: [Pause, smiling] Wow. I feel a little weak.
Bill: Of course you do. I fed on your blood. You should take some vitamin B-12 to replenish.
Sookie: Will I need to do that everyday?
Bill: If you don't mind, yes. And no garlic.
Sookie: Is it always like this?
Bill: No, it is not.
Sookie: I never thought I'd be able to...
Bill: I am honored that you chose me.

Diane: [walking in with Malcolm and Liam, to a patron] Well, hey there sugar.
Malcolm: [to Sam] Get us three True Bloods.
Sam: You all need to go somewhere else. This is a family place. Locals only.
Malcolm: Well, we just closed on a place up the road. So that makes us official citizens of Reynard Parrish. We're the new locals.
Sam: My place, my rules.
Malcolm: Discrimination against vampires is punishable by law in the greater state of Louisiana. Personally, I don't give a fuck. But... I... am... thirsty.
Sam: You are not welcome here.
Diane: [laughing] That shit only works in a private home.
Malcolm: How nice to see you again, Sookie. You are looking delectable as always.
Sam: [to Sookie] You know them?
Sookie: We've met.
Malcolm: Well, well. It looks like little Miss hold out has given up the goods. Brava. Did he leave enough for the rest of us.
Sookie: I am his!
Malcolm: Well, he is not here, is he? And while Bill is away, Malcolm will always play.
Sookie: Do you think for one second I would ever have anything to do with you! I am sure you were trash while you were alive and now you're just dead trash!
Malcolm: I am going to drain you so slowly, you're going to beg me to kill you.
Terry: JIHAD THIS, MOTHERFUCKER! [running at Malcolm and being thrown across the room]
Malcolm: [to Sam] You are a dead man.
Sam: Maybe. But I'm gonna take one of y'all with me.
Sookie: Sam!
Liam: [after grabbing Sam] I'm gonna reach down your throat and yank you inside out by your dick.
Sookie: Hey, leave him alone!
Bill: [entering] Stop this! You're here for me, not them.
Malcolm: Well, we had to get your attention and I do believe it worked.
Bill: What do you want?
Malcolm: You never called me back. Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt.
Diane: Join our nest, Bill. Forget these blood sacks.
Liam: Yeah. Mainstreaming's for pussies.
Diane: Let's party like we used to, huh. We used to have so much fun.
Bill: [never taking his eyes of Sookie] All right. Let go.
Sookie: What the hell are you doing?
Bill: I should be with my own.
Sookie: But you're not like them. You're better than they'll ever be.
Bill: I am not human, Sookie. I am vampire.

Sookie: [describing her vampire experience] It felt like... It felt like every single care or worry or sadness I've ever had was just flowin' out of me and into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But when I relaxed, it didn't hurt at all.
Lafayette: I was always scared to let him bite me. I don't know, Sookie. I just think that when there's blood involved, a line been crossed.
Sookie: Oh, I definitely crossed a line and glad I did.
Lafayette: Well you go ahead on, hookah with your badass. Good for you. It ain't possible to live unless you crossin' somebody's line.

Andy: [about their fishing] Bet you didn't do much fishin' in Iraq.
Terry: No fish in the sandbox.
Andy: No wonder they're so pissed off at us. We got channel cats in Shreveport's putang... I miss this. Gettin' up before dawn, like when we were kids and watch the sun comein' up.
[stops as they see a man running naked through the trees]
Andy: That was Sam Merlotte!
Terry: Yep, I done that before.

Bill: [showing Sookie where he sleeps] This is where I spend my days.
Sookie: Does anyone ever get in there with you?
Bill: This is not a place for you.
Sookie: So, we can never sleep beside each other?
Bill: No one else knows where I rest.

The Fourth Man in the Fire [1.8][edit]

Amy: [entering Merlotte's] Intense! All these animals on the wall, it's like a natural history museum.
Jason: Hah! I never noticed them.
Amy: How could you not? Everyone of these animals lived a life full of experiences that we can't even imagine!
Jason: Does that weird you out? We could always go someplace else!
Amy: No, no. Everyone has to eat, right? We are all links on the universal food chain. See, squirrel eats nuts, snake eat the squirrel, gator eat the snake... and we can eat pretty much everything we want. It's the circle of life.
Jason: Jesus Christ! I wanna lick your mind!
Amy: Let's have lunch first.

Sookie: [as they clean up the dining room] I've been admiring your necklace all day.
Amy: Oh, thanks. It's a lariat. I made it.
Sookie: You make jewelry?
Amy: Easy way to earn extra money. I can make you one if you want.
Sookie: Thanks, but I don't think my boyfriend much likes silver... you know my brother's a dog, don't you?
Amy: Sorry?
Sookie: He's all charm and smiles in the beginning. But the second he gets tired of you, he gonna stop calling. Before you know it, he's off with some other floozie. Not... not that you are one, but trust me. It's as regular as the seasons. You seem like a sweet girl, I don't want you to get hurt.
Amy: You know, I don't think Jason's realized even half of what he's going to be. I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I think you'd be surprised at what he's capable of.

Sookie: [after they have made love] Doesn't it get old? I mean you've been doing it for over a hundred years. Doesn't it get predictable?
Bill: Not with you it doesn't. You're entirely different. And the beauty and the tragedy of it is that you don't know just how different you are.
Sookie: Please tell me if I'm doing something wrong.
Bill: There's nothing more natural than the act of making love. Who am I to try to change what come naturally to you.
Sookie: But if you could change something...
Bill: I wouldn't change a thing.
Sookie: What's it like to sleep in the ground?
Bill: Well, it's not exactly comfortable. But it is safe. Which if I recall is what the three voice mails required me to be.

Eric: [after Bill has found him in his bathtub, with soft music playing] I texted you three times... Why didn't you reply?
Bill: I hate using the number keys to type... what are you listening to?
Eric: From my younger days. It's really quite beautiful if you know old Swedish. I have a favor to ask of you.
Bill: A favor or an order?
Eric: Depends on how you look at it... Honestly, did you think you could keep her to your self?

Bill: [arriving at Fangtasia] You said you wanted to go out tonight.
Sookie: I did not mean Fangtasia! I mean really, all those pathetic people who come here looking for sex with vampires.
Bill: I know. It's despicable.
Sookie: You know what I mean. So what? Five, ten minutes?
Bill: As long as Eric requires us.
Sookie: You mean as long as Eric requires me! Didn't even have the decency to ask me himself.
Bill: You are mine. He didn't need to ask your permission.
Sookie: He cannot check me out like a library book!
Bill: Unfortunately Sookie, he can. Eric is sheriff of Area 5.
Sookie: Sheriff?
Bill: It's a position of great power among our kind. We do not want to anger him. As long as the requests are reasonable, we should accede to his wishes.

Longshadow: You trust the skinny human to clear the fat one?

Plaisir D'Amour [1.9][edit]

Eric: You killed a vampire, Bill. For a human. What do I do about this?
Bill: What did you have in mind?
Eric: I'll take the girl.
Bill: No!... You can have anyone you want. Why do you want her?
Eric: Why do you want her? You're not in love with her, are you?
Bill: [incensed] Sookie must be protected.
Eric: That sounds like an edict. But it couldn't be, because I would know about that. Admit it... you love her.
Bill: If I had not done what I did, would you have let his disloyalty stand? [about LongShadow]
Eric: Whatever I would have done to LongShadow I would not have done in front of witnesses. Especially not vampire witnesses. Not smart, Bill. Not smart at all.

Pam: [handing Sookie a leather outfit] Put these on.
Sookie: Oh, thank you. But I'm fine really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.
Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.
Sookie: Is... Bill is some kind of trouble?
Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now what you need to do is change out of your clothes... there's vampire in your cleavage.
Sookie: [looks down and gasps] Okay. Eeww!
Pam: Allow me. [takes the bloody piece out]
Sookie: Thank you.
Pam: I'm beginin' to understand the fuss everyone's makin' over you.

Jason: [about Eddie] All I'm sayin' is Lafayette didn't have to kidnap him and I'm pretty sure he left with some V.
Amy: Hey! If you wanna make the same arrangement with Eddie as Lafayette, than have at it. This was the only thing I could think of to get you out of blowin' your first vampire.
Jason: You've done this before, haven't you?
Amy: Done what?
Jason: This! Kidnappin' vampires!
Amy: Jason, baby. You're sweet but you've gotta mellow out.

Bill: [in bed with Sookie after finding the cat dead] Aren't you tired?
Sookie: Every time I close my eyes, I see her face.
Bill: Your cat?
Sookie: Gran. But now that you mention it, Tina's in there too.
Bill: You do know I'm not going to let anything happen to you. That I am here for you, to protect you.
Sookie: What if I don't need to be protected? What if wanting to be protected makes me feel like the helpless little girl I used to be all over again?
Bill: Sookie... all of the things that you need to be protected from, all of the trouble you're in, you are in because of me. So you needing to be protected has nothing to do with you or who you are. All of it is my fault... So why don't you go to sleep and let me be the one to worry about it.
Sookie: Bill, all the trouble I'm in, it's mine. I chose it. I chose it when I chose you.
Bill: Yes, but...
Sookie: Don't you think I wanna blame somebody else? But what happen to my gran and poor Tina is my fault and it's sweet of you to try to take it all from me. But if I let you, I'd be so mad at you, I would never be able to look at you again. And right now your face is the only thing getting me by. So why don't we just leave it on me, okay?
Bill: [pause, accepting] Very well.
Sookie: Night Bill.

Amy: Hey you. Listen, are you alright?
Sookie: Sometimes I wish I smoked, so you could sneak outside without anybody knowing something's wrong with you.
Amy: Okay. I'm really sorry about your cat.
Sookie: Maybe I shouldn't have come in today.
Amy: Yeah, I was gonna say why did you?
Sookie: I don't know. Maybe cause lately it seems like if I called in sick every time someone I love got murdered, I'd never make it in for a single day of work.
Amy: Don't you think Sam would understand?
Sookie: I guess. But if I went home, what would you do?
Amy: Me? What's it got to do with me?
Sookie: Arlene doing nothin' but showin' off her ring to anybody who will look at it, you be the only one waiting tables.
Amy: Yeah, she's gonna be a handful, that one.
Sookie: Don't you imagine what she was like the first time she got married?... What about you? You ever been married?
Amy: Is this the part where the sister asks what the girls intentions are with her brother?
Sookie: Hm-mm. Cause right now I am all about protecting Jason.
Amy: He misses you, Sookie. He does. Between your grandma passing and what happened afterwords with you.
Sookie: He told you about that?
Amy: He couldn't not. He's a mess about it.
Sookie: Well you wouldn't know it.
Amy: Look, I know what you must think of him and I get why you're mad at him. I do and he loves you. You got people around who love you and all I can hope is that maybe one day I can be counted in among those people.
Sookie: You are way too good for him. You know that, right?
Amy: Of course, I know that. I'm not stupid.

I Don't Wanna Know [1.10][edit]

Sam: [to Arlene, about her party] What do you want it took look like?
Terry: A débutante ball.
Arlene: [happily] Hug your neck! You know exactly what I'm talkin' about. [walks off]
Sam : How did you know what she wanted?
Terry: My cousin Portia was a deb, from Shreveport when she turned 18. Every Bellefleur woman has been doin' it since they started to have 'em before the Revolutionary war.
Sam: Must be nice to come from such an old family.
Terry: All families are old, Sam. Some just keep better records.

Jason: [looking at himself in the mirror] Oh my God, you are even better looking than you were yesterday.

Bill: Longshadow was choking the girl and would have killed her.
Magister: So you murdered a higher life form for the sake of your pet? You broke an ancient and fundamental law. You decreased our numbers at a critical time in our history. Very bad. Very very bad.
Bill: Longshadow broke the law first. She was mine and he knew it. He would have killed her and fed from her!
Magister: Hello! Human! Irrelevant. Happens every day!
Bill: He was stealing from Eric.
Magister: [to Eric] Sheriff?
Eric: Yes, Magister. It's true. Longshadow was a thief and a liar. He was hurting my business.
Magister: The business part. That is a serious offense.
Bill: And it was the human who exposed Longshadow. Would you tell him, Eric?
Eric: The only reason the girl was there was because I called her.
Bill: To protect your wealth!
Eric: To protect my wealth, yes. Magister, she is... valuable.
Magister: Humans exist to serve us. That is their only value.
Bill: There are those among us who think differently.
Magister: Do you question my authority? I am the magister. I was trained in the Inquisition and I am the adjudicator for every vampire territory in North America! As the humans say - the humans that you love more than your own kind - back your shit down!
Eric: Bill.
Magister: You haven't bored me. That works in your favor and you seem to be obedient to your sheriff.
Eric: For the most part... When it matters, yes he is.
Magister: The usual sentence is five years in a coffin, chained with silver. During which time your body will waste to leather and sticks, and you'll probably go insane. However, I'm feeling a bit... creative.

To Love is to Bury [1.11][edit]

Bill: [while he is digging a grave for Jessica, to Pam] Would you leave her alone!
Pam: It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cows.
Bill: Just go away!
Pam: I wouldn't be here if the magister could trust you.
Bill: I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence! I murdered this innocent girl.
Pam: It was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours.
Bill: I fulfilled my loyalty!
Pam: Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You might do something to keep the little blood bag from joinin' our ranks. I follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground!
Bill: I'm not gonna stake her. I'm gonna set her free.
Pam: You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me.
Bill: Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she has ever loved has been stolen from her.
Pam: Oh please! There's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump of temporary flesh...
Bill: Jessica!
Pam: The ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero.
Bill: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: [smiling] Thank you.

Bill: Jessica, stop!
Jessica: No!
Bill: Stop!
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because we need to talk.
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because there are things you must learn.
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because you are no longer human.
Jessica:Why?
Bill: Because I've been trying to explain to you at length - you have been made vampire!
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because you were unlucky. Because life and death are unfair. Because of me.
...
Jessica: I'm so hungry and all you do is talk and I'm starving and you're so mean. You're supposed to take care of me, that's what you said. You suck! [laughs] That's funny 'cause you do suck.

Lafayette: [while shaking the senator's hand] I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your values. Too often we're governed by criminals and hypocrites. Don't you agree? But I can tell you're a man of virtues and I applaud the effort you're making against the poor and disenfranchised. Especially the vampires and the gays. So many things can happen to bring down a person such as yourself. You might wanna be careful.

Sam: [after Bill has left] Can't you see what he's like? How can you even think about being with him?
Sookie: Sam, my living room is wrecked! I've got a killer, a vampire and a shapeshifter on my plate. Right about now I'm not thinkin' about being with anybody!

[at Fangtasia, about Jessica]
Eric: She's your punishment, not mine. What am I supposed to do with her?
Jessica: Excuse me! I can hear you, mister rude! I wanna go to the bar. I wanna be one of those dancers. I'm hungry.
Bill: She won't listen to me! It will take more time than I have to teach her obedience.
Jessica: I don't obey anybody! Those days are over.
Eric: Can't handle one little girl, Bill? New ones can be like this. Man up my friend. She's not even one night old.
Bill: That is not the issue!
Eric: [to Jessica] You want to stay with you maker, don't you?
Jessica: No, he's a dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!... You're cute. Can I sit in your lap?
Eric: No.
Jessica: Why? Nobody let's me have any fun. Fuckers!
Eric: [to Jessica] Sit down and shut up! Close the door. [turning to Bill] See, you have to be tough with them or they'll walk all over you.
Bill: I am well aware of that, but you can see how she is and there are urgent matters to which I must attend!
Eric: Sookie Stackhouse? Haven't you done enough for her?
Bill: If any harm were to come to her because of my absence, you would be...
Eric: [looks at Bill threateningly] What?
Bill: Without her helpful skills.
Jessica: Let me out! I wanna do something bad!
Bill: I would be in your debt. I would return the favor.
Eric: Oh, yes you will. You most definitely will. Jessica!
Jessica: You don't have to yell at me!
Eric: How would you like to learn how a real vampire feeds?
Jessica: Oh yes sir. Please sir.
Eric: [to Bill] See? It's really quite easy.

You'll Be the Death of Me [1.12][edit]

Tara: [about Maryann] So, collecting stray black people. That some kind of hobby of hers?
Eggs: [laughing] She's right about you. You are funny.
Tara: Oh, yeah? What else she tell you about me?
Eggs: She said you crashed your car with a gallon of whiskey in your lap.
Tara: It was vodka. Really cheap vodka.
Eggs: Hey, I'm not judging you... Believe me. When Maryann found me, I was... let's just say I was a hell of a lot worse off than you. She's a miracle worker. You'll see.
Tara: Yeah, well. I won't be stickin' around that long.
Eggs: It's too bad.
Tara: My momma, when she thought somethin' was too good to be true, she'd say, Satan in a Sunday hat. That's exactly what this is.
Eggs: You know it took me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder too. But there's good people in this world. Sometimes, good shit happens.

Tara: Sookie?
Sookie: [wakes up, medicated] Tara. You look so pretty. Like someone turned on a light under your skin.
Sam: [smiling] Hospital gave her pain meds. She's... she's a little loopy.
Tara: [in tears] Didn't you listen when I said I'd lose my shit if anything ever happened to you?
Sookie: Don't lose your shit. I'm fine. Did Sam tell you he saved my life? He turned into a dog and bit Rene.
Lafayette: [laughs] Well, shit. I'm gonna need some of them drugs they gave you.
Sam: Okay, you guys. We should let her rest.
Sookie: Sam, you should let people see the real you. Cause you're kind, brave. There's nothin there not to love.
Sam: [smiles and winks] Right back at you.

Arlene: Oh sweet Jesus! Please forgive me. I had no idea, Sookie. I swear!
Sookie: Of course you didn't.
Arlene: I brought him around my kids. I slept in the bed every night with him and all that time, it was nothing but lies. I mean his name, his accent. God! You think you know someone. How could I not know?
Sookie: None of us did. Don't blame yourself, honey.
Arlene: Can't help it. I told you to stay out of my thoughts. Isn't that why you didn't listen in on Rene?
Sookie: It was like he kept that part of himself locked away in some dark corner of his mind.
Arlene: Sookie, I am so sorry. I want you to promise me smoethin', okay?
Sookie: Okay.
Arlene: Someday, if I ever find another man, I want you to look inside his head and tell me everything that's in there.
Sookie: Uh... Arlene, it doesn't really work that way.
Arlene: Promise me, okay? Cause I have the worst taste in men... Is, is Bill goin' to be okay?
Sookie: I don't think so... no.
Arlene: Oh, honey. Oh, sweet baby.

Sookie: [opening the door and seeing Bill, all better] You're alive?
Bill: Well, technically no. But I am healed. I've fed.
Sookie: Would you like to come in?
Bill: Yes. [enters as she closes the door behind him. Seeing her bruised face, he tries to bite his wrist]
Sookie: No.
Bill: Without my blood, it will take weeks for you to heal.
Sookie: I don't care. After everything I just need to feel human right now.
Bill: I failed you.
Sookie: [smiling] You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save me.
Bill: But if I could...
Sookie: My life is too short for all that. [they kiss passionately]

[Jessica enters the room]
Jessica: Hi Daddy.
[Eric and Pam enter the room]
Bill: What is this?
Eric: There are favors, and there are favors.
Pam: She is extremely annoying.
Bill: You can't do this! We had a deal!
Eric: Yeah, well now the terms have changed. She's yours. Unless you want to give me Sookie...
[Bill and Eric bare their fangs]
Eric: [Eric laughs] It's just a suggestion. [Eric retracts his fangs] Though a few nights with this one may change your mind.
[Eric begins to leave]
Pam: Good luck.
Eric: [in Swedish] O du ljuva frihet. (Oh sweet freedom)
[Pam laughs]

Season 2[edit]

Nothing But the Blood [2.1][edit]

Sam: I don't know about you, but I think I've seen enough dead bodies to last me a life time.
Sookie: Except this one, I just don't get. With everyone Rene killed, you could see his rage. But this?...Cuttin' out that poor woman's heart? Someone just wanted to see her suffer! Every time I think I know what's what, it turns out...I don't know anything.

MaryAnn: [to Lettie Mae] Ms. Thornton. MaryAnn Forrester. I've heard all about you. What a rare opportunity this is. I've always wondered what it'd be like to gaze into the eyes of some one so devoid of human compassion. That she would abandoned her own child when she needed you the most.

Bill: [to Jessica] Your bedtime will be at 4 a.m. and not a minute later. We also recycle in this house.

Sookie: "Where has she been tonight?"
Bill: "Here with me, and before that with Eric and Pam."
Sookie: "So there's no way she could have anything to do with the woman at Merlotte's with her heart missing?"
Bill: "No!... Probably not."

Sookie: Did you have anything to do with Uncle Bartlett's death?
Bill: [hesitantly] He hurt you.
Sookie: Oh my God. Is it that easy for you to kill? Does human life mean so little, you can just kill on command? Toss someone in the water? I can't have people dyin' every time I confide in you. I never felt more inhuman than when I had to kill Rene. It still haunts me and now you've made me feel like I killed another person. I feel sick... I always thought as different as we are, somehow we can still be together. And now I don't know. I don't know anything... (whispering as she cries) Please say something, Bill. [silently walks to the door]
Bill: [appearing at the door to stop her] Sookie... I cannot and I will not lose you. For all the ways I have dismayed, aggrieved or failed you, I swear I will atone. But I am not sorry. I refuse to apologize for what you have awakened in me. You, you are my miracle, Sookie. For the first time in a hundred and forty years, I felt something I thought had been lost to me forever... I love you. And for that I will never feel sorry.
Sookie: [crying] God damn you, Bill Compton. I love you.

Sookie: [to Bill] I've shared every dark, horrible corner of my life with you. What makes you think I couldn't handle every bit of yours? I'm a lot stronger than you think.

Keep This Party Going [2.2][edit]

Sookie: We've never had 'make up' sex before.
Bill: How does it compare to 'you thought I was dead' sex?
Sookie: That was pretty great too, but I wouldn't want to go through that again. I hated feeling like I'd lost you.
Bill: Yet, you like fightin' me.
Sookie: I don't like to. I just...
Bill: Let's not get too used to it then. We don't want to be one of 'those' couples.
Sookie: You're right.

Chow: [about Lafayette's leg] How much blood do you think he's lost?
Pam: Oh, I still think he has something to offer.
Chow: I hate to let it all go to waste like this. Seems a shame we have to wait for Eric.
Pam: Well, maybe one day you'll be sheriff and you can make the rules.
Chow: I doubt that.
Pam: [happy] Me too.

Sookie: [as she starts to cry] Jessica... I'm sorry.
Jessica: Now, why are you crying?
Sookie: Because I did this to you. If Bill hadn't... I took your life away and I know there's no way you'll ever be able to forgive me. It's not even right to ask. But I had no idea it was gonna lead to this.
Jessica: I don't blame you, Sookie.

Andy: [about dancing] This one time I was in a club in Shreveport and I actually had a woman tell me I looked like a epileptic on meth. Never again!

MaryAnn: [after she forced Sam to change] Abracadabra, Sam. What I just did to you, I can do anytime, anywhere. So unless you want your customers to know your little secret, you better think twice before you threaten me ever again.

Scratches [2.3][edit]

Bill: [to Sookie] Are you still angry about our fight? Sookie, none of that matters anymore.
Sookie: You're right. I'm alive and in one piece. Unlike my friend Lafayette who Eric chained up like an animal and left to bleed to death.
Bill: What?
Sookie: You better not have known anything about this, Bill Compton. Because if you did, I don't think I could ever forgive you!
Bill: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Eric: [behind them] I imagine she's referring to the human in my basement... The human who traded sexual services with a vampire in order to sell his blood - which as you know is a grave offense.
Sookie: [to Eric] His name is Lafayette and you ought to be ashamed of yourself for what you've done to him. [slaps him]
Bill: Sookie!
Eric: I'm glad you're feeling better and may I add that color suits you very well. [referring to her red shirt]
Sookie: Go to hell!
Bill: [holding her back] Sookie! Enough!
Sookie: Oh it's not nearly enough. They've tortured him and bitten him and shot him and kept him down there in his own filth for weeks.
Bill: [to Eric] Is this true?
Eric: There are others who would have done far worse and you know it.
Sookie: You're gonna let him go right now or I swear, I'm going to the police.
Eric: [angry, draws his fangs] I do not respond well to threats!... But perhaps we could come to some sort of arrangement.

Bill: [to Sookie, about Jessica] You undermined my authority as her maker! You risked those people's safety and your own! If I had not glamoured them with in an inch if their sanity, both our lives would have shattered!
Sookie: I know. I'm sorry!
Bill: You keep sayin' that and I am expected to what? Forget this ever happened?
Sookie: What else do you want me to say? I know when she asked me to take her, I should say no. But all I could think about was Gran and what I would give to see her again.
Bill: That does not give you license to behave like an irresponsible child! She is a loaded gun, Sookie. Not a doll for you to dress up and play with!
[upset, Sookie gets out of the car, slamming the door as she moves away]
Bill: What are you doing?
Sookie: Walking!
Bill: Don't be ridiculous. Bon Temps is nearly 20 miles away!
Sookie: [walking away] I'd rather walk all night then spend another second in that car with you!
Jessica: [to Bill, after he gets back in the car] She wants you to go after her. She wants you to go after her and kiss her and tell her that you love her.
Bill: She will come back, when she calms down... she will come back.

Sookie: [gasping, hurt] Am I dying?
Dr. Ludwig: Yes.
Bill: No! She cannot die! You will save her!
Dr. Ludwig: Back off, vampire. Let me do my job!
Eric: Forgive him. Bill is abnormally attached to this human.
Dr. Ludwig: Well, we don't have a lot of choices. She's been poisoned. You ever heard of Komodo dragons? Their mouths are teeming with bacteria. After one has bitten you it will track you for hours, days just waiting for the toxins to slowly eat away at your nervous system. 'Til you're good and helpless. Then it will devour you alive.
Sookie: I was... scratched by a dragon?
Dr. Ludwig: No, but this poison is similar but way more efficient. I don't think I've seen it before but it's hard to tell without further testing and we don't have that kind of time.

Sookie: I used to get so mad when people judged vampires just for being different. It's like they were judging me too. I told myself their fear was nothing but small mindedness. But maybe that's what I wanted to believe. 'Cause the more open my mind gets, the more evil I see.
Bill: Sookie, most of us, vampire, human or otherwise are capable of both good and evil. Often simultaneously.
Sookie: You can't expect me to believe that Eric is capable of anything good. Not after how he tortured Lafayette.
Bill: I have had worse sheriffs.
Sookie: I don't understand how you can defend him.
Bill: He saved your life.
Sookie: I can still hate him.
Bill: I hate that he maybe putting you in harm's way once again, for his own selfish reasons. And I hate that he has shown you the barbarousness we call justice. If I could glamour it away for you, I would.
Sookie: I'm glad you can't. I'm sick of things sneakin' up on me. Rene and what ever the hell that was that attacked me last night. If I'm never gonna be safe, I'd rather know what to be afraid of.
Bill: Well, after last night I hope that doesn't include me.
Sookie: I know there is evil in you. I know there is and it scares the hell outta me. But you're right. There's goodness in you too and when I look in your eyes, that's what I see.

Tara: Maryann, why does Sam hate you?
Maryann: Sam hates me?
Tara: He practically jumped down my throat after you left last night. Kept saying I need to stay away from you. Why would he say that?
Maryann: Well I mean, I barely know the man. But if I had to guess, I'd say jealousy. You two have a history, don't you?
Tara: Yeah. But we're better as friends than we ever were sleepin' together. We both know that.
Maryann: Tara, you're still not valuing yourself. You are a fantastic woman. Sam lost you. He's just looking for someone to blame.
Tara: But why you?
Maryann: Because you've moved on and hopefully, I've been apart of making that happen. Sam seems like a sensible, wonderful guy. But all my instincts scream unevolved.
Tara: [laughing] You're right. That man has way too many issues.
Maryann: And they're not your problem. Unlike Carl, you've done enough of taking care of people to last a lifetime.

Shake and Fingerpop [2.4][edit]

Tara: [from outside, knocking on the door] I know you're in there, even if you won't pick up the phone!
Lafayette: Damn, hooka. Shit! [gets up and opens the door, letting her in]
Tara: How come I have to hear about you being back from Sookie?
Lafayette: What else did she tell you?
Tara: That you got shot and fed on and chained up in some vampire dungeon!
Lafayette: Sookie need to keep her mouth shut and so do you.
Tara: Have you been to the hospital?
Lafayette: Whatchu think is gonna happen if I show up to the ER with a gun shot wound? I don't need the police up in my business.
Tara: You need to see a doctor.
Lafayette: For what? So they can give me drugs I already got?

Bill: Why this allegiance to Godric?
Eric: He is much beloved by his subjects.
Bill: Only kings and queens have subjects Eric. Not Sheriffs.
Eric: Godric could have been king of Texas had he wanted. He could have been king of any vampire territory anywhere. He is twice as old as I am and very powerful. There are none above him in the new world.
Bill: Well if he's so powerful, how could they abduct him?
Eric: Now that is what worries me. If one such as he can be taken by humans, then none of us are safe.

Sookie: [chasing after Sam] I know it seems like I led you on, but cut me some slack. My grandmother had just been murdered, Rene was after 'me', and I didn't think Bill was ever comin' back.
Sam: [stopping] Christ, Sookie! I really don't have time for this.
Sookie: Well, if you care about our friendship I suggest you make time for it.
Sam: Look, I got serious shit I'm dealin' with right now. Makin' you feel better is not high on my list.

Bill: [after Hoyt leaves] We established there was to be no hunting in this house.
Jessica: I know you feel like shit because you had to make me and you should feel like shit! But guess what? I'd never kissed a boy before that. Meetin' Hoyt is the only good thing that's happened to me since... my whole new life started. No, I'm not ready for any thing to happen to fast. I-I'd been happy just to go on kissin' him all night long... Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on? [realizes what that means and runs up stairs]
Sookie: I think I'm gonna like her.
Bill: Sookie, do not make the mistake of thinkin' you two can be girlfriends. She is...
Sookie: Yeah, I get it. She's a vampire. Believe me, I learned my lesson about that.

Never Let Me Go [2.5][edit]

Barry: I don't know what kind of fried corn cob town you're from, but this is Dallas, baby. The vamps here are scary as shit.

Barry: Why won't you leave me alone?
Sookie: Because I've never met another telepath. Have you?
Barry: No and don't say that word.
Sookie: It's what you are. Nobody else knows what it's like to be us. We need to stick together. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Barry: Yes it is! My life is shit. I can't do anything normal people do. If I'm not around a bunch of vampires, I can't hardly think straight.
Sookie: I used to feel exactly the same. Like I had a disability.
Barry: More like a curse.
Sookie: But lately since I met my boyfriend, it seems like telepathy can come in handy some times. You can even make a little money.
Barry: Then you're even crazier than I am.

Bill: [waking up as she comes back to bed] I dreamed you were gone.
Sookie: You did?... That's funny, 'cause I was.
Bill: Sookie...
Sookie: It was only for a few minutes. I had to. Bill, it's the most amazin' thing. I met another telepath and he's not a vampire or very good at it. Oh, it's wonderful knowin' there's somebody besides me.
Bill: You made him aware of your gift after everything I've said?
Sookie: Not on purpose. We were in each other's heads before we knew it. I thought you'd be happy for me.
Bill: The more people know what you do, the harder it is for me to protect you.
Sookie: [about Barry] He can't even admit what he is to himself. He's not gonna do any talkin' about it.
Bill: You can't be sure.
Sookie: Yes, I can. I'm good at this. Look, if all we're supposed to do in Dallas is shut up and take orders, I might as well be slingin' beers at Merlotte's. You're the one who told me I was more than a waitress.
Bill: You are. But...
Sookie: What?
Bill: Never mind.
Sookie: Talk to me. Lean on me. I've leaned on you plenty.
Bill: Well, here I am responsible for you and Jessica. Yet no decisions are mine. It makes me feel...
Sookie: Like a human?
Bill: Like a waitress.
Sookie: You're walkin' in my shoes and it's givin' you blisters.
Bill: Eric is strangely intent about all this. It's not like him. I don't trust it.
Sookie: Don't you worry about Eric. We'll do the job and go home. A deal's a deal.
Bill: Sookie, you know what he's like. It's not like him to break a contract with a girl.
Sookie: A woman... he needs me. He won't wanna make me mad.
Bill: ...I can't lose you.
Sookie: You never will.

Tara: [at Sookie’s house] Did you know MaryAnn wants us all to be roommates here?
Eggs: No. Cool. I guess that other guy came back from Peru.
Tara: No, not cool! Not gonna happen. I just moved in.
Eggs: Okay, fine. We can go some where else if that's how you feel about it.
Tara: That's all you gotta say?
Eggs: Relax. It's not big deal.
Tara: What are you? What are you? Nomads?
Eggs: We move around a little bit. Nothing wrong with that.
Tara: Wait nothing! I didn't know. You coulda told me.
Eggs: Who cares? What matters is being with the people you love.
Tara: Well, other things matter too! Like knowin' the truth about the poeople you love. So while we're on the subject, what exactly is your 'thing' with MaryAnn?
Eggs: Look, when I was ready to lay down and die she lifted me up. Same as she did you.
Tara: Now you follow here where ever she goes?
Eggs: I'm not her dog if that's what you're trying to say. And why all of a sudden are you so paranoid about MaryAnn?
Tara: Because I'm tryin' not to be a fool.
Eggs: You know what this is about? Your history is so fucked up, you have no clue what family is.
Tara: [hurt] That's not fair. I do have a clue.
Eggs: Who gives a damn about a house. MaryAnn, Carl, and me; we take care of each other. We took care of you. That's what family is, Tara.

Stan: You should have told me Eric hired a fuckin' human, Isabel.
Sookie: Now wait just a minute.
Bill: [about Sookie] Respect her!
Isabel: [to Stan] I couldn't tell you, Stan. You've been off on your own for days.
Eric: Are you certain Godric was abducted by the Fellowship of the Sun?
Isabel: No!
Stan: Yes! They're the only ones with the organization and man-power.
Isabel: But they're amateurs. It doesn't make any sense. This is Godric we're talking about. Two-thousand years old.
Stan: Old don't make you smart.
Isabel: Besides, there's no proof.
Sookie: If they've got him, I'll hear it. That's my job.
Stan: There's no reason to wait. We need to take these fanatics down. Full out attack. Exterminate them like the vermin they are.
Isabel: Hmm, vampire hating church annihilated. Wonder who did it? Fucking brilliant!
Bill: I doubt the king of Texas would approve of the destruction of our international political agenda.
Stan: Fuck that. The great revelation is the biggest mistake we ever made.
Isabel: Don't use Godric to make your own little power play.
Eric: You are completely incompetent! What's happened to Godric that he surrounds himself with clowns?
Isabel: We invited you as a courtesy. This is not your territory. You have no voice here.
Stan: Yeah, sheriff. Why don't you run back on down to Louisiana. We don't need you or your puppets.
Eric: I'm not going anywhere.
Sookie: I'm nobody's puppet!
Stan: I have a plan.
Isabel: It's not a plan, it's a movie!

Hard-Hearted Hannah [2.6][edit]

Lorena: Why am I here?
Eric: We want the same thing, you and I.
Lorena: For a vampire, you are a terrible liar.

Jason: Jason Stackhouse, abstinent.
Luke: Sound good, don't it?
Jason: Not really.

Eric: 'Baby?' I am over 1,000 years old.

Lorena: Why am I here, Mr. Northman?
Eric: We want the same thing, you and I. [she just looks at him] Okay, Bill has something I want and he's in the way.
Lorena: His human?
Eric: She's something more than human.
Lorena: What is she?
Eric: That I do not know. Whatever it is, he loves her.
Lorena: What makes you think I want him back? That I'd even take him back?
Eric: Because you didn't come all this way just to see me.
Lorena: [annoyed] I haven't seen Bill Compton is over seventy years. Surely you can't think I have any pull over him, whatsoever.
Eric: I haven't seen my maker for much longer than that and yet, I am still loyal to him. Fiercely.
Lorena: Shame I didn't turn you. Then again... you're not really my type.

Pam: [from behind him] Remember me? [as he gets jumpy] Aww, you do. How's life?
Lafayette: Not so good. Uh, is you real?
Pam: [looking around the freezer] Hmmm. This is nice. I could sleep here in a pinch.
Lafayette: What are you doin' here? I ain't said nothin' to nobody.
Pam: And I knew you wouldn't.
Lafayette: Why didn't the fuck ya'll just glamour me, huh?
Pam: Oh poor thing. We would have, but then you wouldn't have remembered that you owed us.
Lafayette: Owe you?
Pam: Eric sent me with a request. [holds up a small bottle of blood] You're back in business.
Lafayette: Oh no I ain't. I'm outta that shit.
Pam: So sorry. But you're very much back in this shit.
Lafayette: You locked me up and tortured me for damn near three mother-fuckin' weeks, 'cause you caught me selling V and now...
Pam: Now what?
Lafayette: What the fuck is vampires doing selling V anyway?
Pam: We're not. You are. Get to work. [tosses him the bottle and leaves]

Release Me [2.7][edit]

Bill: If Sookie is hurt in any way because of you, I will not stop until I drive a stake through whatever semblance of a heart you have left.
Lorena: It's true. You're in love with a human. That's so tragic, it's funny. [laughing manically]

Eric: [observing the compound, disdainfully] You've got to be joking me. 'This' is the Fellowship of the Sun? That's their army? Scared little boys with bibles and crossbows?
Isabel: Don't underestimate them. Support for their movement is growing. Their leadership camps are over flowing with self righteous extremists, all willing and ready to die for their cause.
Eric: That can be arranged quite easily.
Isabel: Not until we know for sure the Fellowship has Godric.
Eric: What about your boy Hugo? And Sookie? They've been in there too long.
Isabel: There's no sign of alarm and if Hugo were in serious danger, I would know it. I felt something earlier but it passed. He's ok now.
Eric: Tell me, what is it you find so fulfilling about human campanionship?
Isabel: They feel much more strongly than we do. Everything is urgent, exciting. Maybe because their lives are so temporary.
Eric: Yes, they certainly don't keep well. Do you find the prospect of him growing old, sickly and cripled somewhat repulsive?
Isabel: No, I find it curious. Like a science experiment. How does Bill Compton feel about your interest in Sookie?
Eric: I'm not interested in Sookie and even less in how Bill Compton feels. My only interest is finding Godric.

Jessica: I'd have totally been a slut if I coulda gotten away with it. Me and my friend, Lori, we had this bet since eighth grade over who'd lose it first. And she was like pregnant before I even got my first kiss and my dad was such a dick head. So what's your excuse?
Hoyt: I was gonna wait, you know, till I met the right one. Well the right one never showed up. By then I had waited so long, I figured I couldn't give it away to just anybody. So now I'm twenty-eight... most girls probably think I'm like some kinda bi-sexual gay or somethin'. Not that I got any kind of problem with them. But I'm not.
Jessica: I'm not most girls. I'm not even a girl, technically. But if you're okay with it... I'd be your first.

Maryann: [coming in, all filthy] Good Mornin'!
Tara: Whoa! Maryann are you okay?
Maryann: I am fantastic! I slept outside last night and communed with my animal nature.
Eggs: [eying the dead bunny] No shit.
Maryann: [holds it up] This little fellow hopped by and I thought, hmm yummy! Rabbit stew.
Tara: Aww. Poor bunny.
Maryann: Feeling sorry for things is just an excuse not to celebrate your own happiness.

Lorena: [in 1935, shouting] I gave you everything! Everything and you've thrown it away, moaning over what you've lost. You disgust me.
Bill: Than let me go!
Lorena: No. I made you and you are mine!
Bill: You know I don't love you!
Lorena: You never tried.
Bill: I have spent decades tryin'! I despise myself for what I did for you! God help me. I killed innocent people to prove to that I loved you! But it was pure nihilism... I do not, I cannot, I will never love you.
Lorena: Men have readily laid down their lives to spend just one night with me. What more can I give? What is it that you want from me?
Bill: Choice... Let me go.
Lorena: With out me, you would be alone forever.
Bill: You're the one who's afraid of that. You are the saddest, loneliest creature I have ever known.
Lorena: How dare you! [throws him into the table] ... You hate me that much?
Bill: Let me go!
Lorena: [tearfully] I cannot live without you.
Bill: [putting the splintered wood to his chest] You'll have to.
Lorena: No! Don't!... As your maker... I release you.

Timebomb [2.8][edit]

Jason: [after being shot] I'm alive. Holy shit. God saved me. I'm saved.
Sarah Newlin: [holding a gun] Oh, for heaven's sake, grow a brain cell. Paintballs!
Jason:What? You crazy bitch!
Sarah Newlin: I let you into my house, into my bed, and into my heart. All I stood for, all I believed in, I violated to be with you!
Jason: Ok.
Sarah Newlin: I gave you everything for a lie! You're worse than Judas.
Jason: Why, what did he do to you?
Sarah Newlin: Ugh. Fuck you! [shoots him again, in the groin]
Jason: OOHH OHHH SWEET JESUS. OK, I'm sorry OK? Just, tell me what you want me to say, don't shoot me again...
Sarah Newlin: You came to prey on me; to ruin the sacred vow I made to my husband then like a coward you ran!
Jason: No, I didn't... Okay, I ran. But it wasn't from you. It was from your husband and his crazy weapon collection. Why'd you have to go and tell him?
Sarah Newlin: Tell him? I didn't tell him anything. He's the one who told me!
Jason: Wait, wait. Told you what?
Sarah Newlin: There are wolves in our hen house. We must defend our flock.
Jason: What's that got to do with-
Sarah Newlin: We have your sister!
Jason: Sookie's in the church?
Sarah Newlin: She came in yesterday, spoutin' the same lies you told!
Jason: Now you listen to me. She's got nothin' to do with this.
Sarah Newlin: You Stackhouses... you're nothin' but a buncha heartless, two-faced vampire fuckers!
Jason: [grabbing the paint gun and pushing her down] Don't you ever talk about my sister like that! If I find out any of you so much as touched her, I'm gonna come back here...and it won't be with no FUCKIN' PAINT GUN!

Eric: [to Sookie about leaving the church] I could have you outta here in seconds.
Sookie: There's kids out there.
Eric: The other humans wouldn't think twice about hurting us.
Sookie: Why didn't you bring Bill with you?
Eric: His attachment to you is irrational. It clouds his judgment. He would kill every child in this church to save you.
Sookie: Why aren't you?
Eric: I'm following Godric's orders and getting you out. That's all.
Sookie: He's your maker, isn't he?
Eric: Don't use words you don't understand.
Sookie: You have a lot of love for him.
Eric: Don't use words I don't understand.

Stan: [entering the sanctuary with his vampires] Steve Newlin! You have pushed us too far. You expect us to sit on our thumbs while you round up your men to come lynch us? We'll kill you first. Same way we did your father.
Sookie: Oh god, no.
Steve Newlin: Murderer!
Stan: [to the other vampires] Destroy them, all of them.
Godric: [from the top altar, as the vamps swarm the sanctuary] Enough! You came for me, I assume. Underling?
[all movement stops]
Stan: Yes, sheriff.
Godric: These people have not harmed me. You see we can coexist. Mr. Newlin, I do not wish to create blood shed when none is called for. Help me set an example. If we leave you in peace, will you do the same?
Steve Newlin: I will not negotiate with subhumans! Kill me. Do it. Jesus will protect me.
Godric: I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it. [to the armed congregation] Good people, who of you is willing to die for this man's madness? [silence] That's what I thought. Stand down, everyone. People, go home. It's over now.
Sookie: Oh, thank god. Bill?
Bill: It's alright. You're safe now.

Jason: [to Steve Newlin] Now, I reckon I've already been to heaven. It was inside your wife.

Lorena: [walking up to Sookie] Hello there. I'm Lorena.
Sookie: Nice to meet you, I'm Sookie.
Lorena: Hmmm, yes. You're what all the fuss is about.
Sookie: Excuse me?
Lorena: Aren't you a morsel.
Sookie: I'm sorry. Who are you?
Lorena: Well, we have a mutual friend.
Sookie: Bill?
Lorena: That's right. Funny he never mentioned me. I practically made him what he is today.
Bill: [walking into the room] Lorena!
Lorena: Oh, hello darling. I was just getting to know your plaything. You always did like to prey on the innocent.
Sookie: Bill, is this your maker?
Bill: She released me years ago. She no longer has any hold over me.
Lorena: Oh I wouldn't say that. We had two marvelous nights in your hotel room.
Sookie: What?
Lorena: Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a fifty-two inch plasma screen television earlier tonight? Everyone always says they're so thin and light. But let me tell you when wielded properly, it's quite a weapon.
Sookie: [to Bill] You did?
Bill: Lorena, you need to leave!
Lorena: [to Sookie] I hope he doesn't pull the same shenanigans with you. There's no excuse for domestic violence.
Bill: What she has failed to mention is that she was holding me prisoner!
Lorena: [chuckling] Cha! We were just catchin' up, is all.

I Will Rise Up [2.9][edit]

Bill: [to Sookie as she sucks bullets from Eric] What are you doing?
Sookie: [spitting out a bullet with blood] I sucked silver out of Eric's chest and saved his life, even though I really didn't want to.
Eric: [reclining on the floor]...She was superb.
Bill: Eric was in no danger.
Sookie: W-what?
Eric: A tiny falsehood.
Bill: He was already healing. The bullets would've pushed themselves out. This way he's... forced you to drink his blood.
Sookie: No! No! No!
Bill: You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions.
Sookie: [to Eric] You big lying a-hole.
Eric: Bill, you're right. I believe I can sense her emotions. [Sookie smacks him in the chest and runs to Bill]...Sweet.
Sookie: [to Eric] I'll never do anything for you again! Monster!
Bill: [to Sookie] It's not your fault.
Eric: I think I'm gonna cry.

Jessica: I'll get used to it. Maybe there's an operation. I can't be the only vampire virgin.
Hoyt: You know, intercourse isn't the only way to have sex.
Jessica: But I want to have intercourse.
Hoyt: Well sure... We can do everything when we figure out how.
Jessica: You should break up with me.
Hoyt: Hell no. That thing that grows back, it's just a thing. I ain't perfect either. I'm the guy people laugh at.

Nan Flanagan: Do you have any fucking idea of the PR mess you've made? And who has to fucking clean that up? Me, not you, Me. We should drain every one of you bastards.
Eric: Stan went to the church on his own. None of us knew anything about it.
Nan Flanagan: Oh really? Because everyone who met Stan in the last three-hundred years knew that he had a kink about slaughtering humans. But you, his nest-mates, his sheriff has no clue.
Isabel: And how were we supposed to know that this time he meant it?
Nan Flanagan: Not my problem. [to Godric] Yours.
Eric: Don't talk to him that way.
Nan Flanagan: [to Eric] Don't talk to me that way! [to Godric] Let's get to the point, sheriff. How'd they manage to abduct you?
Godric: They would've taken one of us sooner or later. I offered myself.
Nan Flanagan: Why?
Godric: Why not?
Nan Flanagan: They wanted you to meet the sun and you were willing?
Godric: What do you think?
Nan Flanagan: I think you're out of your mind and then I hear about a traitor?
Godric: Irrelevant. Only a rumor. I'll take full responsibility.
Nan Flanagan: You bet your ass you will!

Eric: [running his hand down her arm, waking her as she turns to him] Finish your sentence.
Sookie: What was I saying?
Eric: You were telling me why you'd be a terrible vampire and I was disagreeing.
Sookie: Well, I don't feel right without a tan. [Eric laughs] It's true, and I'd rather be alive than undead. And then y'all are always killin'.
Eric: You've killed a man.
Sookie: That was for self defense, not for lunch.
Eric: Oh, you'd adapt. Like we all do. Trade the sun for the moon and stars.
Sookie: Uh uh. Not me. I want 'em all.
Eric: [smiling] Ooh, greedy.
Sookie: Yeah, I am.
Eric: I love it. [kissing her hand] You have the right temperament for a vampire.
Sookie: Why? I'm high maintenance, blood thirsty, and old as dirt?
Eric: Ahh, blood thirsty, yeah.
Sookie: I am not.
Eric: Everybody thinks you're a darling, don't they?
Sookie: I am a darling.
Eric: Yeah, but you're ruthless when it comes to the people you love. You'd do anything for them. [kissing her] Your brother, your friends... me.
Lorena: [from the shadows] Bill.
Sookie: [pulling away] Bill? Where's Bill?
Lorena: [from the shadows] What do you care? You've already abandoned him.
Sookie: I have not. I love Bill.
Eric: [pulling her back] I used to think you had no sense of humor.
Sookie: I used to think you were made of cold, hard stone and empty inside.
Eric: And now?
Sookie: You're a big faker. You're deep. You feel. There's love in you.
Eric: Only for Sookie. [kissing her]
Lorena: [to Sookie] You don't want Bill. He means nothing to you.
Sookie: No.
Eric: [pulling her to him] ... This is the beginning. [kissing her passionately]

Godric: [on the roof with Eric] Two thousand years is enough.
Eric: I can't accept this. It's insanity!
Godric: Our existence is insanity... we don't belong here.
Eric: But we are here!
Godric: It's not right. We're not right.
Eric: You taught me there was no right or wrong. Only survival or death.
Godric: I told a lie, as it turns out.
Eric: [stepping closer] I will keep you alive by force!
Godric: Even if you could, why would you be so cruel?
Eric: Godric, don't do it.
Godric: There are centuries of faith and love between us.
Eric: Please, please!... Please Godric!
Godric: Father... brother... child... Let me go.
Eric: I won't let you die alone.
Godric: Yes, you will. As your maker. I command you.
[Eric gets to his feet and walks to the stairs. Sookie reaches for him and he turns to her]
Sookie: I'll stay with him. As long as it takes. [Eric leaves]
Godric: It won't take long. Not at my age.
Sookie: You know it wasn't very smart. The Fellowship of Sun part.
Godric: I know. I thought it would fix everything some how. But I don't think like a vampire anymore... Do you believe in God?
Sookie: Yes.
Godric: If you're right, how will he punish me?
Sookie: God doesn't punish. God forgives.
Godric: I don't deserve it, but I hope for it.
Sookie: We all do.
Godric: You will care for him? Eric.
Sookie: I'm not sure. You know how he is.
Godric: I can take the blame for that too.
Sookie: [smiling softly] Maybe not. Eric's pretty much himself... Are you very afraid?
Godric: No, no. I'm full of joy.
Sookie: But the pain?
Godric: I want to burn.
Sookie: [starts crying] I-I'm afraid for you.
Godric: A human with me at the end, and human tears. Two thousand years... and I can still be surprised. In this I see God.
Sookie: [watches as he turns towards the sun and removes his shirt, holding his arms wide] ... Good-bye, Godric.

New World In My View [2.10][edit]

Lettie Mae: [about helping Tara] If only Miss Jeanette was still alive.
Lafayette: She don't need no backwoods witch. She needs Thorazine and a padded cell.

Sam: I got no idea how we're gonna deal with a god-damned maenad.
Andy: A mae-what?
Sam: Wait. You don't remember any of what I told you last night? Or were you passed out, spent the whole fuckin' day in bed, sleepin' off your bender?
Andy: You said uh, Maryann was to blame for all this, the bug eyes and the craziness.
Sam: And the people showin' up dead with their hearts cut out, in the back seat of your car.
Andy: She did that?
Sam: Yeah. She killed Daphne too.
Andy: Fuck me... We got another serial killer.
Sam: Andy, listen to me. She is a supernatural creature and she is immortal. She has powers and she's not leavin' till she gets what she wants, which I think is me.
Andy: What's she want you for?
Sam: I think to cut out my heart while a bunch of naked people watch. All for Dionysus or Satan or for some god that has horns.
Andy: People thought I was crazy because I thought I saw a pig!
Sam: Well you did see a pig and you were right. That pig is a part of all this. That pig was... was doin' some of Maryann's dirty work for her.
Andy: Well if what you say is true, we need to kill that bitch!
Sam: She don't die. Remember?

Jason: I'm goin' to Merlotte's and find out what the hell's happenin' on my turf!
Bill: Jason, if it is the same creature we think it might be, you don't wanna go any where near it. Trust me.
Jason: Mr. Compton, I ain't about to sit back and let some monster destroy my town.
Sookie: Jason, this would be one of 'those' times to use your head.
Jason: Oh I am. I ain't never been so clear in my whole life. This here, is the war I've been training for.

Maryann: [catching Bill and Sookie] What are you doing in my house?
Sookie: This is not your house!
Maryann: It is now.
Bill: I strongly suggest you remove yourself immediately!
Maryann: My! You found yourself quite a specimen. Though I dare say there's nothing stopping him from one day leaving you cold.
Sookie: You don't scare me.

Sookie: I've know Tara my whole life and every trace of her was gone. Replaced. And here I thought vampires were the only one's who could hypnotize people.
Bill: No offense Sookie, but humans are shockingly susceptible to just about every form of thought manipulation.
Sookie: It's all comin' from Maryann. All of it. She-she eats people's hearts and she wants more. She wants their souls and that chant...
Bill: Chant?
Sookie: Lo lo Bromios, lo lo Dendrites, Eleutherios, Enorches, Bacchus.
Bill: [very serious] Bacchus!
Sookie: Bill... I've seen that look on your face before and I don't like it.
Bill: I read about some ancient creatures many years ago. But I always assumed it was just a myth. But I believe Maryann might be one.
Sookie: What is she and more importantly, how do we kill her?
Bill: I do not know how to defeat her, but I do know one vampire who might.

Frenzy [2.11][edit]

Sophie-Anne: Maenads are sad, silly things. The world changed centuries ago and they're still waiting for the God who comes.
Bill: Does he ever come?
Sophie-Anne: Of course not. Gods never actually show up. They only exist in humans' minds, like money and morality.
Bill: If I can't kill her, how do I get her to leave Bon Temps?
Sophie-Anne: She has to believe that she successfully summoned forth Dionysus in hopes that he will ravish her and quite literally devour her until she's lost into oblivion.
Bill: So she seeks death? The true death. The one thing she has evolved beyond.
Sophie-Anne: Ironic, isn't it? You know they're really not that smart, these maenads.
Bill: So how does she summon this non-existent god of hers?
Sophie-Anne: I never said he was non-existent. I just said he never comes. She believes if she finds the perfect vessel, sacrifices and devours part of him or her, plus surrounded by the magic of her familiars than her mad god will appear. At that point when she willingly surrenders herself to him...
Bill: That's the only point she can be killed.

Bill: That was really quite desperate of you: tricking her into drinking your blood, so that she became attracted to you.
Eric: Unlike you, who fed her your own blood the very night you met…
Bill: How do you know that?
Eric: So you're not denying it?
Bill: I was saving her life.
Eric: Isn't that convenient.

Tara: Eggs?
Eggs: [tranced out] Baby! Where you been? I-I was so scared. Don't you ever leave me again, okay?
Tara: I won't, I promise. I love you. We gotta get you outta here, okay? Let's go somewhere else, please. [he doesn't move] Listen to me.
Maryann: [from behind her] But everything you want is right here. I knew you'd come.
Tara: No. I don't know what you are, but I want out!
Maryann: Oh, it's too late for that.
Tara: You made me eat somebody's heart!
Maryann: And you loved it. Admit it.
Tara: You don't want us. You want Sam. we ain't got nothin' to do with it.
Maryann: Nothing to do with it? 'You' summoned 'me'.
Tara: What?
Maryann: That night in the woods with that unfortunate pharmacist. You saw me. Well you saw 'you' through me. (flashes back to the fake exorcism)
Tara: But Miss Jeanette was a fake. She scammed people by makin' up crazy rituals.
Maryann: Ooh, a ritual is a powerful thing and calling forth that kind of energy... has consequences.
Tara: She was real?
Maryann: Sadly no. I should've known she wasn't the vessel, but you have to try every option, ya know?

Eric: Why should I help you... shifter?
Sam: Because I need your help. We need it. And hopefully some day I might be able to give you something you need.
Eric: Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?
Sam: No.
Eric: Well that's a shame. That would be a tribute I would not soon forget.
Sam: [irate] I'm not here to give you tribute, Eric.
Eric: No, you're here to request my help based on a hypothetical future in which you return the favor... But you are known not to be to friendly towards those like me. Why should I trust you?
Sam: Because until somebody starts trusting somebody, we're all single targets just ripe for the picking.

Pam: [about children] You make me so happy I never had any o' you.
Eric: Aw, c'mon Pam, they're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.
Pam: I hate them. They're so stupid.
Eric: But delicious.

Beyond Here Lies Nothin' [2.12][edit]

Mrs. Merlotte: We never thought we'd see you again.
Sam: Well, never say never when there's the Internet.
Mrs. Merlotte: Sam, if you came for an explanation, um I don't have a good one. Mitchell and I were down to our last nickel and we were scared. We still don't know what we saw that night.
Sam: You saw me turn into a dog. So apparently that was worth abandoning me over. I spent the next nineteen years making sure nobody knew what I really was. That's what you left me with.

Bill: You've heard there's a maenad in our midst?
Sam: I'm familiar.
Bill: You are aware she is here because of you.
Sam: Something like that.
Bill: I need you and Sookie needs you to make this right.
Sam: If I thought it was as easy as givin' myself up to Maryann, I'd have done that by now and what's to say she's gonna stop at me? Killers just don't suddenly quit killin'. You oughta know that.
Bill: And standing by idly is not an option either. You must come with me.
Sam: Oh I'm not sure I wanna be doing that.
Bill: I'm not sure I'm giving you a choice.

Maryann: Come on, Sookie, it'll be our little secret. What are you?
Sookie: I'm a waitress. What the fuck are you?

Sheriff Dearborne: Come by the station in the morning and I'll give you your badge back.
Andy: Really? I won't let you down Bud. And I am never touching another drink again.
Sheriff Dearborne: This town's a hell of a mess and I'm man enough to know I can't shoulder it myself. [Pause] You might have your faults Andy, but at least you got pants on.

Sookie: [after Bill proposes] Then why can't I say it? My heart's flying around in my chest - I can't even think straight. My life's inside out. With all that's happened I'm not sure about anything. I don't even know if I'm human!
Bill: What?
Sookie: Maybe I am some kind of freak. I've only met one other person in the world like me and who even knows where he is? And what happens when I grow old? And weak? And you're still the same, what then?
Bill: Sookie, I don't care about any of that. I want you just as you are.
Sookie: But I'm not even sure what I am!
Bill: Are you saying no?
Sookie: No I'm saying...I don't know what I'm saying. I need a minute to clean myself up. I'm sorry.

Season 3[edit]

Bad Blood [3.1][edit]

Kenya: [about Bill] So he proposes to you and you said what again?
Sookie: That I needed a minute to think.
Kenya: [making notes] Hmmm.
Sookie: [about the Hostess nearby] Aren't you going to stop her from tramplin' all over the crime scene? Why aren't you taking any of this seriously, Kenya? My boyfriend's been kidnapped.
Kenya: It is Deputy Jones and I'd appreciate you addressing me as such. Now how how long were you in the bathroom?
Sookie: No more than a minute or two.
Kenya: Was it one minute or two minutes?!
Sookie: What difference does it make when every second you spend questioning me, these bastards are getting further away!
Kenya: What if there were no bastards? What if, while you were in the bathroom for a minute or two, your vampire friend realized he didn't want to be humiliated any more and took off?
Sookie: Well than how do you explain the turned over table inside? Because to me that looks like evidence of a struggle.
Kenya: To me, it looks like a man lost his temper... and with good reason.
Sookie: Come on, just file a missing person's report for me. Please.
Kenya: Forty-eight hours. That's the rule. You wanna a lift back to town or not?

Jason: God, I killed a man!
Andy: No, Stackhouse. I killed him! That's what I just told Bud and that's what both of us have to stick to, 'cause there's holes in our story. Big gaping ones!
Jason: Like?
Andy: [about Eggs] Like if he was really all up in my face threatening me with a knife, how come the gun that killed him was fired from over twenty feet away!?
Jason: Well shit man. Why'd you tell 'im a story with holes in it? We gotta go back and tell him the truth.
Andy: You tell anybody anything, we're both gonna spend the rest of our lives in jail!
Jason: I don't wanna go to jail.
Andy: Than I need to see a lot less conscience and a lot more cajones and I need to see 'em pronto!

Eric: [while having sex with Yvetta] So, what brings you to Fangtasia on this balmy summer night?
Sookie: Bill's been kidnapped and I think you did it.
Eric: I didn't. Any other theories?
Sookie: I'm still on this one, thank you very much. Where were you tonight around eleven o'clock?
Eric: Here, with Yvetta.
Sookie: Doing this? For the last six hours?
Eric: You seem surprised. Is Bill's stamina not up to snuff?
Sookie: Tell me where I can find Lorena. If you don't have him, she does.
Eric: Solid theory. But given the tenor of your last run-in with Ms. Krasiki, I think it's better if I dealt with her instead.
Sookie: How do I know if you will?
Eric: Because if Bill was in fact kidnapped, by human or vampire, I am duty bound as sheriff of the area in which he resides to find him... even if I do want what is his.

Pam: You need to call the Queen.
Eric: The Queen is the last person I need finding out about this.
Pam: You're not the only one whose fate hangs in the balance here!
Eric: And what do you think the Queen will do if I tell her I've lost the one vampire who could link her to the dealing of vampire blood?! That I have no idea where he is?
Pam: What do you think she'll do if she finds out from someone else? Call the Queen.
Eric: There are times when I seek your counsel, Pam. Now is not one of those times.

Magister: Trouble abounds in your fair state.
Eric: Tell me.
Magister: It would seem your idyllic little home is competing to become the V capital of the world.
Sophie-Anne: Can you believe it? I am so embarrassed. Naturally I told the Magister that you were the only vampire in my queendom that could be trusted with this.
Eric: Any thing I can do to be of service.
Magister: Our blood is sacred. Wasting it on anything other than procreation is blasphemy.
Sophie-Anne: Madness.
Eric: Desecration.
Magister: Have you noticed an uptick in users in your neck of the woods? Maybe even here in your club?
Eric: I haven't, no.
Magister: See that's surprising to me. 'Cause every other sheriff to whom I have spoken has. The amounts are so great in fact, we can only assume a vampire is responsible.
Sophie-Anne: An act of self loathing so shameful that who ever is responsible should fall on his own stake.
Eric: Respectfully, Magister. I'm not sure I follow your logic.
Magister: If your average run-of-the-mill drainers were behind this, it would stand to reason said drainers would need vampires to drain; which means there would be missing vampires and plenty of them. How many vampires have gone missing in your area?
Eric: None, Magister.
Magister: So, now do you follow my logic?
Eric: I do, and I will look into the matter.
Magister: Good ... and I will expect results.

Beautifully Broken [3.2][edit]

Pam: [to Jessica] Let's go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirror.

Eric: Here's what I know about werewolves. There's a reason their existence has remained merely a myth to humans for thousands of years. They're territorial, vicious, pathologically secretive.
Sookie: Boy, does that sound familiar.
Eric: And here's what I know about you. You're so blinded by your obsession with Bill Compton, you're likely to run through the streets screaming werewolf bait. Alerting who ever has Bill that we're on to them or getting yourself killed.

Jessica: So Pam, when you're feedin' on someone, how do you not kill 'em?
Pam: Bill didn't teach you that?
Jessica: Bill doesn't want me to feed on people. And now he's gone, and...
Pam: It's in the heartbeat. You feel it in the blood.

Lafayette: Life ain't not havin' problems, Tara. It's about bein' able to deal wit' the ones you got.

Andy: You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lotta heart. You're prettier'n most girls. If you just applied yourself right, you could accomplish almost anything.
Jason: You really think so?
Andy: Why else would I be babysitting your drunken ass making sure you don't piss your entire future away?

It Hurts Me Too [3.3][edit]

Russell: [referring to Talbot's reaction] It's like Armageddon in here whenever someone chips a dessert glass.

Sookie: If I do get into some kind trouble, you'll feel it right?... How fast can you get to me?
Eric: Probably not fast enough. Stay out of trouble, Ms. Stackhouse. You'll do us both a favor.

Bill: [after his fangs came out] Don't be afraid.
Caroline Compton: [trembling] Are you afflicted?
Bill: I am... I was... My human life was taken from me.
Caroline Compton: Are you a ghost?
Bill: I an here to bury our son. You cannot be infected.
Caroline Compton: What are you?!? What are you?!? A-a demon? A devil?!You've taken my husband. I will not let you take my son!

Jason: There's werewolves?
Sookie: Yes.
Jason: Shit. Bigfoot, is he real too?
Sookie: I dunno, I guess it's possible.
Jason: Santa?
Sookie: Jason, focus.

Sheriff Dearborne: I quit! [walking away from the crime scene]
Andy: Hey, Bud. Wait up. Where you going'?
Sheriff Dearbourne: [irate] Didn't you hear me? I quit! I've had it with this shit! Every time we clear one murder, two more spring up.

9 Crimes [3.4][edit]

Lorena: That was the best sex I've had in decades.
Bill: At least someone enjoyed it.

Talbot: [upon seeing Franklin entering the house with Tara] No! No no no. Not you.
Franklin: Russell's expecting me.

Tara: What do you want from Sookie?
Franklin: You should be more concerned with what I want from you.

Lafayette: [leaving message for Tara on cell phone] Ring ring, hooker, ring ring. Now I know you're holing up at Sookie's, but long story short, I gots me a six-figure bucket seat cradling my black ass right the fuck now. And you got yourself my old ride. That's right. Buddha done did us a 180, he did. Now why don't you calls a motherfucker back, please?

Alcide: What time do you want to head back to Bon Temps? Since you're not looking for that asshole anymore.
Sookie: Oh, I still plan on finding him.
Alcide: Okay, doormat.
Sookie: I'm not a doormat. I just want him to say it to my face.
Alcide: What, he didn't hurt you enough?
Sookie: I think he's in trouble. Maybe I'm wrong, but if he can look me in the eye, and tell me it's over, then I'll leave him here to rot.
Alcide: You looking for closure? Just let it go, move on.
Sookie: Says the man cooking breakfast in a wok 'cause he's too sad to buy a new frying pan.

Trouble [3.5][edit]

Talbot: You are not supposed to bring work home.
Russell: Darling, [points to himself] King!

Russell: As always the deposit will go to your Trust account.
Franklin: But I want cash.
Russell: Last time you had any real money you ended up at the slots in Biloxi slaughtering a church group of elderly women.
Franklin: They wouldn't let me have a turn!

Tara: We need to talk.
Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.

Sookie: What happened back there? Why were they all shiftin'? You almost shifted.
Alcide: Couldn't help it. Their energy starts rolling and it takes over. We're lucky we got out there alive. Fuck!
Sookie: I know it was terrible for you, but-
Alcide: You don't know anything!
Sookie: I know that if you don't slow down you're gonna kill us, and I am not going to die 'cause of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole!

I Gotta Right To Sing The Blues [3.6][edit]

Bill: You have always so enjoyed making others suffer.
Lorena: And there is nothing wrong with that. Especially after having been made to suffer as I have been.
Bill: You haven't suffered at the hands of others for a very long time.

Lorena: You never embraced our nature!
Bill: Your nature?! It was never mine! I welcome death because only then will I be truly free of the disease that is you!

Hitting The Ground [3.7][edit]

Pam: You can dish it out, but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?
Eric: Let's see how this plays out Pam. Can always taunt later.

Magister: I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.
Russell: Thank you.
Sophie-Anne: Yes, thanks. So happy I could bleed.

Night Of The Sun [3.8][edit]

Talbot: [about Sophie-Anne] You never said she was going to live with us.
Russell: She's my wife, Talbot. We just acquired the state of Louisiana. I thought you would have been excited.
Talbot: Excited? Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens; I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Russell: Things may be getting complicated soon. I'm afraid I acted somewhat impulsively while I was gone.
Talbot: [sighs] What did you do? Spit it out.
Russell: I killed the Magister...He deserved it!
Talbot: Are you out of your fucking mind?! The Authority will never stand for-
Russell: Fuck the Authority! It won't be able to prove a thing. I made sure of that.
Talbot: You're acting like a century old child.
Russell: Relax! I've already sent a half million dollar check to the AVL in support of their foolish Vampire Rights Amendment.
Talbot: You can't buy your way out of everything!
Russell: Of course I can! This is America.

Everything Is Broken [3.9][edit]

Pam: Did you sleep at all?
Eric: [takes a bloody towel and wipes his bleeding nose] I'm fine.
Pam: The guards still outside?
Eric: [nods] Pam, whatever the Authority decides, I will not allow you to take any responsibility.
Pam: You didn't kill the Magister.
Eric: But politically I'm a much cleaner scapegoat. Who's easier to pin it on: a sheriff in your custody or a king that might be anywhere? If they search Russell's palace they'll find the remains of his lover.
Pam: What did he do to you?
Eric: Nothing. But he was the nearest thing to Russell Edgington's heart. He had to die.
Pam: A hundred years I've been with you. Why did you never say anything about Russell or your family?
Eric: You didn't need to know. What good would it do to share my pain with you?
Pam: You didn't need to carry it all by yourself.
Eric: I am not weak. I was a sole survivor. The burden's mine alone.
Pam: We've lived through so much for so long. It can't end this quickly...
Eric: Everything ends. Even the immortal.... If I can't go on, you must make a new vampire. It is your time to be a Maker.
[Pam breaks down into tears and kneels before Eric, crying into his chest]

[In the TV studio, anchorman Jerry McCafferty is reading the news]
Jerry McCafferty: Oregon has rallied in anticipation of the state's upcoming ratification vote on the Vampire Rights Ammendment. Polls show the measure gaining support in recent months although nearly twenty percent of the country remains undecided.
[Suddenly Russell appears behind Jerry. His fist comes through Jerry's chest and then rips out Jerry's spine. People in the studio are heard screaming]
Russell: Does that help you decide America? Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetuate the idea that we are just like you. I suppose in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of pertanence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you because let's face it eating people is a tough sale these days so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake. Mine is the true face of vampire! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children. Now time for the weather. Tiffany?

I Smell A Rat [3.10][edit]

Sookie: I'm a fairy? How fucking lame.

[Sookie walks into Eric's office, Pam behind her.]
Pam: She insisted.
Eric: She always does. [he nods and Pam leaves]
Sookie: What did you mean, you're "not gonna be around much longer"?
Eric: Don't pretend you care about me. This is about Bill. Deep down, you know you shouldn't trust him.
Sookie: Okay. Tell me why.
Eric: [gets up and walks to her, leaning close] Well, here's the truth. There are forces beyond even my control. If I meet the true death without having at least kissed you, Sookie Stackhouse, that would be my biggest regret.
Sookie: Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye to me?
Eric: Cause I am.
[He kisses her. She resists at first, but then gives in. She breaks it off]
Sookie: Okay, I get it. I'm irresistible and intoxicating, but keeping things from me does not exactly help your cause. Tell me why I shouldn't trust Bill.
[Pam walks in on them.]
Eric: What?
Pam: Blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah.

Fresh Blood [3.11][edit]

Eric: [to Pam] You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless.

Summer: I even offered him my virginity and he turned me down flat.
Maxine: [handing Summer a handkerchief] Summer, I appreciate that, even if you broke God's law.
Summer: It's my fault. [about Jessica] I'm not tall like her. Can't even reach stuff on my own closet shelf without a grabber. And I'm not pretty like her.
Maxine: [shaking her head] Oh, don't say such a thing! She's not even alive! And you are cute as pigs.

Bill: When this is over, let's begin again. We'll be new.
Sookie: Will we? I don't know. I don't know if people change, even when they try.
Bill: We can if we want to. Do you want to?
Sookie: You know I do.

Sookie: Who would we be if we were normal? It's hard to even picture it. Would we live in Gran's house or your house?
Bill: Both. We'd be married, happily married.
Sookie: And I'm not a waitress anymore. I'm...I'm going to college. No, I'm a real estate agent and I'm really rich.
Bill: I teach third grade and I love my job.
Sookie: We'll have a big flower garden.
Bill: We grow vegetables.
Sookie: Tara comes over for dinner and sometimes we double date with Arlene and Terry.
Bill: And I go fishing with Jason.
Sookie: We don't even know Eric Northman.
Bill: Everything is peaceful.

Evil Is Going On [3.12][edit]

Season 4[edit]

She's Not There [4.1][edit]

Bill: Eric, go!
Eric: [to Sookie] Apparently I have to go, but understand this: everyone who claims to love you, your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton, they all gave up on you. I. Never. Did.

Nan: Stop. Cut. [points] That is the man we want.
Eric: What? Pam not so good?
Nan: She's fine if you happen to be blind, deaf and an idiot.
Pam: What's idiotic is that the AVI believes the public to be so naive.
Nan: I have proof. Scientific. People are far dumber than they realize.

Sookie: [surprised by Eric in her bedroom while changing] What the hell! Excuse me?!
Eric: Mmm. Such a strange sensation when the reality matches what you pictured in your mind so precisely.
Sookie: Is this another dream? It's been a year, how much of your blood is left in me?
Eric: It's not a dream, I assure you.
Sookie: Then how are you here? I rescinded your invitation.
Eric: You don't own the house anymore. [pulls a key from his pocket] I do.
Sookie: Why would you do that? Why would you buy my house?
Eric: Because I always knew you were alive, and if I own the house well then I would own you. Sookie, you are mine.

You Smell Like Dinner [4.2][edit]

Eric: There are two Sookie Stackhouses. One who still clings to the idea that she's merely human and the other who's coming to grips with the fact that you are better than that.
Sookie: And what do you think's gonna happen when I do come to grips with it? Do you think my legs are just gonna magically open for you?
Eric: Well, that was saucy. Must have been fairy Sookie talking. I like when she comes out.
Sookie: And I'm already sorry I said it.
Eric: Don't be. The more you let her speak for you, the more likely you are to go on living. And you want to live, don't you?

If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'? [4.3][edit]

Sookie: You know perfectly well why I smell the way I smell.
Eric: Like wheat and honey and sunlight.
Sookie: Eric, I am not in the mood.
Eric: What are you?

Sookie: [interrupts Eric speaking Swedish] English.
Eric: Her eyes. Her cold, empty eyes. They were reaching into me, emptying me.
Sookie: Okay.
Eric: And it was her, but it wasn't her. She was in a circle, chanting, and everything I was was taken from me.
Sookie: Okay. I'll help you deal with this, but there are some grounds rules that will not be broken or you're on your own. You do not touch me, and you most certainly do not bite me. Oh, forget it.
Eric: I swear.
Sookie: Eric.
Eric: I swear it.
Sookie: All right. Let's go.

Eric: Wow. This really is my house.
Sookie: Yeah, but not for long.
Eric: You live here? In my house?
Sookie: Yes.
Eric: Are you mine?
Sookie: No!
Eric: Do you belong to another vampire?
Sookie: No.
Eric: Would you like to be mine?
Sookie: Not really, but thank you for asking.

I'm Alive and on Fire [4.4][edit]

Eric: [drunkenly, after drinking Sookie's blood] Hey. [stumbles forward] Want...
Sookie: Quit.
Eric: I want more.
Sookie: You can't have any more. There isn't any more. You drank the whole fairy and you're going to your room!
Eric: Drink...you. [leans in to bite her]
Sookie: Eric, you'll kill me, no!
Eric: [pulls back] I would never harm you. [retracts fangs]
Sookie: You better not. [covers neck] Come on, I'll lock you in.
Eric: [chuckles, then speeds in front of her, pinching her butt on the way]
Sookie: Hey! Did you just pinch my butt?!
Eric: [circles around her, smilng] Beautiful butt.
Sookie: Well, thanks, but hands off. [he does it again, laughing] I said... You're drunk!
Eric: [leans in] Catch me! [speeds off]
Sookie: Get back here! [he speeds back, laughing] I'm trying to help you, you can't do this. Get back in the house right now.
Eric: [speeds around, then sneaks up behind her] Never.
Sookie: It'll be dawn soon!
Eric: I don't care. [speeds off]

Sookie: Eric can daywalk some with the fairy blood, but it makes him drunk as a skunk. He's hammered, and who knows how long he starts to fry. [Alcide-wolf stops by the water] There's no time to rest, we gotta keep moving. Alcide, I know you don't like him, but Pam'll kill me if he dies.
Eric: [bursts out of the water, in full daylight] Hey Sookie! Where've you been? Come, come play with me, it's wonderful here. I am Ægir, god of the sea, and you are Rán, my sea goddess.
Sookie: There's big gators in there, you crazy Viking! Get on out and let's go home before one of them chomps off your you-know-what.
Eric: Leave the sun and the water? Nope, I'll just kill all the sea monsters! Gators! [taunts]Krokodiler! Show yourselves!
Alcide: [shifts back into human] He really is different.
Eric: [roars, fangs out] Get away from her!
Alcide: Fuck you, she wants me here!
Sookie: Eric, this is Alcide. He's our friend, he's gonna help you. You don't wanna fight him.
Eric: Yes, I do. Now, prepare to die, you stinking dog.
Alcide: Take a shot, you dumb shit fanger.
Sookie: Grow up, you giant babies! [both growl] Alcide, stop making that noise. Eric, put up those fangs and do what I say!
Eric: [starts to sizzle and smoke] Ahh, I don't feel so good.
Sookie: [walks into water] Now will you listen to me?
Eric: Sookie, I hurt. My blood is burning.
Sookie: I know, I know. You gotta get...vamp speed. [walking him out of the water/sun]
Eric: I don't wanna go back to the dark. I wanna st...I wanna...Sookie, I don't wanna...

Eric: I don't wanna go to sleep.
Sookie: You have to rest. You got all burned up today. Let me check. Everything healed. Now, lay down and close your eyes.
Eric: No, no.
Sookie: If you stay awake, you're gonna start bleeding all over the place.
Eric: I know what the bleeds are.
Sookie: Fine, then you can clean it up. I'm not a maid. [starts to leave]
Eric: Stay with me. Please.
Sookie: Can't - human stuff to do.
Eric: Oh.

Sookie: You're too quiet. This isn't like you.
Eric: Yes, it is.
Sookie: No, it's not. The real Eric --
Eric: I am real.
Sookie: Yes, you are. I meant the Eric with his memories. Not much gets him down. Sure, he's a rascal and a troublemaker, and most of the time I'd like to smack the smile off his face, but he's a happy vampire.
Eric: I'll never swim in the sun again. Never feel the heat on my skin. Never see the daylight in your hair.
Sookie: Well, the nighttime's not so bad. You've still got the stars in the sky.
Eric: Don't. I'm not a child.
Sookie: I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.
Eric: You think I'm weak.
Sookie: No.
Eric: You want the Eric who doesn't feel.
Sookie: It's not that.
Eric: If you kiss me, I promise to be happy.
Sookie: [smiles] No.
Eric: [smiles back] Why? it's only a kiss.

Marnie: [casting a spell] Morior, mortuus, moriturus! Liquefactum, et calesco putridas!

Me and the Devil [4.5][edit]

[Eric sneaks into Sookie's bedroom. She wakes with a start to see him leaning over her, fangs out, and he pulls back.]
Sookie: Eric, what the hell?!
Eric: Uh...I had a bad dream.

Eric: I don't know why I’m crying.
Sookie: Godric was your maker. You loved him. You miss him.
Eric: He said I was evil.
Sookie: It was a dream [she strokes his hair]
Eric: [turns to face her] Am I evil?
Sookie: Well, you’re not Gandhi, but no, you’re not evil.
Eric: [lays his head in her lap] I like being next to you. [she laughs] Why are you laughing?
Sookie: It’s just that if someone had told me a week ago I’d be curled up in bed with Eric Northman, stroking his hair, I woulda...
Eric: You would’ve what?
Sookie: It’s just...you weren’t always like this.
Eric: Like what?
Sookie: Gentle. Sweet. But it suits you. It's what Godric would've wanted. To see you like this. He was the most human of all the vampires I’ve ever met.
Eric: Strange to miss someone you don't remember. Would it be alright if I stayed here till sunrise?
Sookie: As long as you promise to keep your hands and your fangs to yourself.
Eric: I promise. [He turns and she lies next to him. He takes her arm and wraps it around himself.] I will never hurt anyone as beautiful as you.

Eric: Did I really do all those terrible things your friend said I did?
Sookie: Yes.
Eric: Then your pain is my fault. Why are you letting me stay with you?
Sookie: Because there’s more to you. I always knew there was decency in you. Even when you were a smug sarcastic ass, I still knew it.
Eric: Whether decency is in me is irrelevant. I’m clearly capable of extreme cruelty.
Sookie: You were, but I wouldn’t be here with you right now, I swear it, if I didn’t know in my heart you could change. I’ve seen you change. And I like it. I like you.
Eric: There’s a light in you. It’s beautiful. I couldn’t bear it if I snuffed it out. [gets up and leaves]
Sookie: [goes after him] Eric! Please don’t go.
[He walks back to the porch, and she holds her arms out for a hug. They embrace, breathing each other in, as he strokes her hair. She kisses him softly on the cheek, then they begin to kiss passionately.]

I Wish I Was the Moon [4.6][edit]

Pam: We'll get your life back. I swear.
Eric: I don't want it! The things I've done, I... I don't want to remember.
Pam: You don't know what you're saying.
Eric: I'm not the vampire you think I am. Not anymore.

Marnie: [casting a spell on vampire sheriff Luis] Existo meus mancipium. Pareo mihi. [Luis falls to his knees] You little fuck.

[Sookie walks in on Jason handcuffed to his bed]
Sookie: I should've known. This is a sex thing, isn't it?
Jason: No! Don't come any closer!
[Sookie continues to walk toward Jason]
Sookie: You on V again?
Jason: No, dammit, listen to me! Get out of here. Now! It ain't safe Sook, I mean it. I'm dangerous.
Sookie: Okay look, I've had a hell of a mornin', and my patience is running pretty thin. So you're going to tell me what's going on here, or I will fish it out of your head myself. Your choice.
Jason: I think...I'm turning into a were-panther.
Sookie: A were-what?
Jason: Panther. [Sookie laughs] It's like a were-wolf, except a big ass cat. I got bit, and stuff by my psycho ex-girlfriend and her were-panther tribe, and they said I would turn into one of them on the full moon.
Sookie: So you handcuffed yourself to the bed?
Jason: Yeah.
Sookie: But if you turn into a panther, won't the handcuffs just fall off?
Jason: Shit, I never thought of that. Sookie, listen to me, you gotta get out of here now because I ain't never forgive myself if I bite your head off.

Cold Grey Light of Dawn [4.7][edit]

Bill: Since when has any fanatic been held back by the improbability of their righteous mission?

Tara: [to her girlfriend] Everyone who's ever been with me has ended up dead. It ain't a long list, but it's a bad one to be on.

Eric: '[about Sookie before he is to be executed]' Tell her I was born the night she found me. Because of her I went to my true death knowing what it means to love.

Spellbound [4.8][edit]

Let's Get Out of Here [4.9][edit]

Sookie: [to Alcide] For a bad-ass werewolf, you drive like a girl.

Bill: We can pray.
Alcide: A werewolf and a vampire? Who's gonna listen?

Nan: [to Jessica, who is crying] There have been times, I'll admit, where it's occurred to me that maybe I should put my career on hold and become a maker. But these last few hours here with you have erased those doubts forever.

Burning Down the House [4.10][edit]

Terry: Men without souls do not cry.

Terry: You were too old for booties.
Andy: I wasn't too old for socks!

Marnie: [to Antonia] Fate brought us together to fight evil. Did you really think no one was gonna get hurt?

Jessica: [really angry] I'm gonna go find someone to eat!

Jessica: [to Jason, after they have sex] I am not gonna glamour you just because you don't want to feel guilty!

Soul of Fire [4.11][edit]

And When I Die [4.12][edit]

Antonia: I was trapped between worlds for four hundred years, lost, and driven mad by my rage. I do not want that for you.
Marnie: And what about what I want? Nobody cares what I want. All my life I've been afraid, and who wouldn't be, with dead people muttering in my ears? Making me deliver your messages. Making me into a freak! A creepy, pathetic, terrified mess muttering to herself in the corner.
Antonia: But that is not who you are anymore.
Marnie: No, that's right. I'm not afraid anymore. I've got real power now, and you want to take that away from me. [pointing to Bill and Eric] You want them to win.

Season 5[edit]

Turn! Turn! Turn! [5.1][edit]

Pam: [seeing the carnage in Sookie's kitchen] Color me impressed. You guys know how to party.

Sookie: [looking down at Pam and Tara in the newly dug hole in the ground] Aren't you supposed to be holding her or something?
Pam: Back off all right! I've done this before.
Lafayette: Oh thank the fucking lord for that.
Pam: It's not to say it ended especially well.
Sookie: Hey, we had deal. This ain't gonna work if you don't try.
Pam: I am wearing a Wal-Mart sweatsuit for y'all. That's not demonstration of team spirit, I don't know what is.

Authority Always Wins [5.2][edit]

Whatever I Am, You Made Me [5.3][edit]

We'll Meet Again [5.4][edit]

Let's Boot & Rally [5.5][edit]

Sookie: [sitting at her kitchen table, she starts laughing while Bill, Eric and Alcide argue] Oh, I'm sorry. I just keeping thinking that if I make the right choice, all this madness will end and my life will go back to normal. But it's not gonna end, is it? This is it. It's not gonna change. We say goodbye, and the next thing, you guys are back in my house and a 3,000-year-old vampire wants to suck my blood. [Sookie stands up] Must be Thursday! [Sookie leaves the room to put on her jacket] Well, come on. What are y'all waiting for? Let's go hunt Russell. Onwards into the jaws of death. Boot and rally.

Hopeless [5.6][edit]

In The Beginning [5.7][edit]

Somebody That I Used to Know [5.8][edit]

Everybody Wants To Rule The World [5.9][edit]

Gone, Gone, Gone [5.10][edit]

Sunset [5.11][edit]

Save Yourself [5.12][edit]

Jackson Herveaux: Worst part of being a parent... No matter how hard you try, you can't keep your kids from eventually learning what a shit hole this world is. How corrupt, mean, arbitrary... You just wanna shield them from it, let them believe life is safe and fair. Bad gets punished, good gets rewarded... Because if they can believe that, you almost can too. But if you yourself end up being the one to teach them how fucked up things are... That's a hell of a thing to ever come back from.

Season 6[edit]

Who Are You, Really? [6.1][edit]

The Sun [6.2][edit]

You're No Good [6.3][edit]

At Last [6.4][edit]

**** the Pain Away [6.5][edit]

Don't You Feel Me [6.6][edit]

Jessica: Who are you?
James: My name's James.
Jessica: Do you know what we're doing here, James?
James: They want us to fuck.
Jessica: Who wants us to fuck? [James motions to the one way mirror] But I- I don't know you.
James: They don't care.
Jessica: I guess that shouldn't surprise me.
James: Don't worry, okay? [to the people behind the mirror] I'm not doing anything.
Doctor: Spotlight.
Woman: Yes, sir. [James is burned with sunlight]
James: [to the mirror] I'm a vampire, not a rapist.
Jason: [under his breath] Jesus Christ, thank you.
Sarah: Zap him again.
Woman: Yes, ma'am. [James is burned with sunlight]
Jessica: Oh, God. James?
James: [looking at the mirror] Yeah?
Jessica: Let's just do it. [to the mirror] We'll do it, all right? [unbuttoning her shirt] We'll put on a show for y'all.
James: Don't.
Jessica: We'll just get it over with so, you know... It's going to feel like I'm a virgin, but I'm not.
James: [stopping her from taking off her pants] No fucking way, okay? You're a beautiful person, and you don't deserve this.
Jessica: I'm not a person. Yeah, I do.
James: [yelling at the mirror] Fuck you and your lights!

In the Evening [6.7][edit]

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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