Will & Grace (season 11)
Will & Grace (1998-2006, 2017-2020) is a popular U.S. TV series. The main characters are: Will Truman, a gay attorney; his best friend, Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm; Karen Walker, a very rich, alcoholic socialite; and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.
Eat, Pray, Love, Phone, Sex [11.01]
- Will: Oh, Karen, hi. Sorry, I must have butt-dialed.
- Karen: Is there anything your people's butts can't do?
- Will: So far, I've yet to be disappointed.
- Karen: Silence! I need everyone's attention, because I've got big boobs... I mean, big news... but then again, look at 'em!
Pappa Mia [11.02]
- Jack: [about Will & McCoy's baby] Wow, lucky kid - having two dads, just like Jesus.
- Will: And she'll have a Mary right across the hall.
- Jack: This one ain't a virgin.
- Jack: I used to love watching the guys play basketball in high school, especially when it was skirts and skins.
- Will: You mean shirts and skins.
- Jack: [pause] No wonder I got beat up so much.
With Enemies Like These [11.03]
- Grace: PostMates, EasyEats, GrubHub… it's the lazy, hungry person's Renaissance.
- Karen: Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away from all your dreams coming true.
- Karen: You know, Stanley always thought you never came around because you were a little sweet on me.
- Danley: Me? Sweet on my brother’s wife? I was always the bigger man.
- Karen: That’s not physically possible. And I think he was right.
- Danley: You do look stunning, I'll give you that... like a statue by Bernini that some kids have drawn huge gazongas on.
The Chick or the Egg Donor [11.04]
- Karen: There's so much I don't know about baseball. Like, is there a "base-boobs" or "-oral"?
- Jack: It depends. Are we talking gay or straight bases? Because we're dealing with different equipment.
- Will: Hi. I did bring you flowers, but I had to give them to the woman next door when I walked in on her. I was guessing which room you were in. I guessed wrong.
- Grace: Every woman loves flowers.
- Will: I don't think she'll like the card about dust bunnies in her uterus.
The Grief Panda [11.05]
- Friday: She's hard on the outside, but inside Mrs. Walker is filled with candy and glitter, like a unicorn's colon.
- Grace: I love how passionate you are about your team. I haven't seen you this excited about something since that Grey Goose truck crashed into that olive cart.
- Karen: If it had been raining Vermouth, I would've believed in God.
Performance Anxiety [11.06]
- Karen: So, you have an egg donor, but this other woman's going to carry your gay baby for nine months. How much is making God cry going to cost you?
- Jack: Oh crap, Jerry Sussman's here. He used to be a catty audition accompanist, then he made it big, and now he's a big, huge pianist.
- Grace: [smirks] Uh, what was that?
- Jack: A big, huge, pian… I just heard that, that's amazing!
What A Dump [11.07]
- Jack: Oh, you are crafty. You brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene.
- Will: I brought you to a drag bar. I knew you'd make a scene, and I wanted you to blend in.
- Estefan: Who would want Jack to grow up? Will, sit down. In Spain, we have a story about a boy who is forever young, he never grows up, and he wears tights.
- Will: Yeah, it's Peter Pan.
- Estefan: No, in our version this forever boy fights a pirate with a hook for a hand, and his best friend is a teeny, tiny fairy.
- Will: That's Peter Pan.
- Estefan: No, "Pedro" escapes to "Nunca Nunca Land"...
- Will: That means he escapes to "Never Never Land". It's Peter Pan!
- Estefan: You are wrong. Anyway, that is not the point. The point is, Jack should never grow up. He reminds us all what it feels like to be young.
- Will: [sighs] I can't argue with you there.
- Estefan: It's just like Pedro said, "Yo nunca quiero ser adulto".
- Will: "I won't grow up"! It's Peter Pan!
Lies & Whispers [11.08]
- Farhan: If I may ask, how old is your child, and how do they identify?
- Will: Oh, well, no children yet. Grace's is due in April, mine in May, and my pronouns are "he" and "is terrified".
- Grace: Thank you so much for seeing me again, Headmistress Hinderhagen.
- Headmistress Hinderhagen: Of course.
- Grace: I know how important diversity is to this school.
- Headmistress Hinderhagen: It is. And your child would be diverse, how exactly?
- Grace: I'm just gonna bottom-line it: I don't know who the father is. So, girl to girl, tell me what diversity you're looking for, because I've probably slept with it.
- Friday: I think you're having a panic attack. I get them all the time, like during a power outage, or when my mom sends her dogs after me. It's my fault - you shouldn't assume you're invited to Thanksgiving.
- Karen: I can't die in coach! They'll find my body with the poors, all mixed in with the Tater Tots and the Crocs!
Of Mouse and Men [11.10]
- Will: Karen, can you hear me? I just got in the locker room, and I gotta say, it's pretty cool. The bats and the balls and the cute, sweaty guys... throw in a bathtub full of poppers and a famous Scientologist, and it's every gay club in the 80s.
- Grace: Oh, my God - you don't want a designer, you want my baby!
- Marilyn: Well, maybe if you don't over-react, they'll want both.
Accidentally on Porpoise [11.11]
- Jack: C'mon, I know just the place. Let's go.
- Will: Fine. I can't wait to see what filthy, depraved hellhole you're taking me to.
- Karen: As long as there's a drag queen calling out Bingo numbers, I'm happy.
- Grace: I am so, so sorry.
- James: No, I'm sorry. I got angry with you, but you were right, it was just an accident. So, I'm here to say... can we try again?
- Grace: [aghast] What? Are you out of your mind? I slept with your son and your father, and you forgave me. I pooped your apartment to death, and you forgave me. But now I violated a porpoise, got you fired, and ended a species!
- James: And I forgive you.
- [she slaps him]
- Grace: What is wrong with you?
- James: I think I'm falling for you!
- Grace: Well, raise your standards, man! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can't be with someone who has such terrible taste in women.
Filthy Phil Part I [11.12]
- Phil: Will, this is for you. [hands him a bottle of wine] Karen told me you were a big, bold, complex guy - like this Cabernet.
- Karen: Don't forget fruity and gives you a headache.
- Phil: And Grace. [hands her a bouquet of flowers] Here's something beautiful and delicate, like yourself.
- Karen: Don't forget slightly wilted and covered in bees.
- Karen: Honey, thank God you called!
- Grace: Karen, what's wrong?
- Karen: I don't know where I am! It's so dark. I think I hear a seagull, and a foghorn...
- Will: Karen, hang on!
- Will: We're going to trace this call.
- Karen: Ha-ha, busted! Leave a message! [phone message beeps]
- Grace: I fell for that yesterday.
Filthy Phil, Part II [11.13]
- Dexter Murphy: So, I'll get right to it, Mr. McFarland - how do you plan on keeping an iconic institution like CoCo's open without Coco?
- Jack: Oh, they'll still come. I'm not changing anything. We're just under new management. The bar is transitioning - like half our patrons.
- Dexter Murphy: [offended] Do you think people who are transitioning are funny?
- Jack: Oh, God, no! They have no sense of humor!
- Grace: Why would Phil go through all this? That's what I don't get.
- Will: The money. They're always after the money.
- Grace: Yeah, but he's so handsome, though. You'd think he could get money out of women without killing them. I mean, that body, after 40... I'd give him my debit card.
The Gift [11.14]
- Jack: Once again, it's my mother's birthday, and I have no idea what to get her.
- Grace: Just don't try to be cute. One year, I told my mother I was her gift, and she asked if I came with a receipt.
- Jack: You thought that was cute?
- Karen: I've gotta get my ring back. Stan gave it to me the night we bought our first election.
Broadway Boundaries [11.15]
- Will: Good morning. Welcome to our gender reveal breakfast. It's a big moment. We are one prick away from finding out on of the most important...
- Jack: Yeah, can we move this along? Lots to do today.
- Will: Sorry, we are two pricks away from finding out.
- Grace: Hello, this is Grace Adler. I'm a patient of Dr. Sapirstein's and I'm calling to find out the gender of my baby.
- Nurse Sheila: Yeah, you're gonna wanna check between the legs. If it's an outie, it's a boy. If it's an innie, it's a girl. And if it's both, please take a picture and send it to me - I've always wanted to see one of those.
- Grace: No, I'm pregnant.
- Nurse Sheila: Okay, well then, you're a girl. Does that help?
We Love Lucy [11.16]
- Will: I say this with love, but sometimes living with you is like being stuck in an episode of I Love Lucy.
- Grace: Well yeah, because I'm the kooky redhead everyone loves, and you're the guy who overreacts to every little thing I do.
- Will: If you're comparing me to Ricky, I'll take that as a compliment. He was always my favorite.
- Grace: That's because you had a crush on him.
- Grace: Look at me! I went as Lucy last year for Halloween.
- Jack: So did I.
- Will: Grace also attempted a "Slutty Lucy" in college that ended in tears.
- Jack: So did I.
New Crib [11.17]
- Jack: You know, Blattsville Creamery named a flavor of ice cream after Karen.
- Will: Ooh, does it taste like gin, or blood?
- Karen: Both. It's a swirl.
- [Will and Grace have decided to buy a house together]
- Grace: Wait, wait - what if one of us meets someone?
- Will: We'll figure that out. And then, y'know, I'll move in with him.
- Grace: Why are you the one who meets someone?
- Will: It's not me, it's society. I mean, you're a gassy woman over 40 with a kid. The odds aren't great.
- Grace: This is Upstate New York - I'm, like, a 9 here! People don't even think I'm pregnant!
It's Time [11.18]
- Jack: My dream of taking a bow on a Broadway stage is only a car accident, a death in the family, and a respiratory infection away from coming true!
- Will: [embracing Jack] There he is, our Broadway star!
- Grace: Jack, you were awesome! And Karen, you and Stan - are you happy?
- Karen: I am. There are a hundred reasons Stan and I shouldn't be together, and 7.3 billion reasons why we should.
- Jack: Aww, I love love. C'mon, everybody, shift it. It's time to get to the cast party I'm hosting.
- Grace: [suddenly serious] It's time.
- Jack: Yeah, I just said that. Everyone has to bring a bag of chips, whatever they want to drink, an entrée, and a barbecue if you have one.
- Grace: No - It's time.
- Karen: Honey, I think our girl's getting ready to have her litter.
- Will: You're sure?
- Grace: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.
- Will: Oh my God, I'm gonna be an uncle!
- Jack: I'm gonna be an aunt!
- Karen: I'm gonna be richer!
- [the three of them embrace]
- Grace: Hey, let me in. It's kinda my moment.
- [they all embrace her]
- Will: [to Jack and Karen] Okay, you guys get the elevator. [to Grace] Are you ready for this?
- Grace: One hundred percent, no.
- Will: You're gonna be great. We are gonna be great.