Will & Grace (season 8)
Will & Grace (1998-2006, 2017-2020) is a popular U.S. TV series. The main characters are: Will Truman, a gay attorney; his best friend, Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm; Karen Walker, a very rich, alcoholic socialite; and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.
Alive & Schticking [8.01]
- Jack: When an opportunity comes along, I don't question it. I grab it, drop its wedding ring on the table and swing on it 'til dawn.
- Malcolm: Excuse me, miss. Malcolm Widmark. I hope this isn't too forward, but I find you very beautiful, and I look forward to the day when I see you ride that chair toward me on a very bumpy street in a town where everyone is naked.
- Karen: [offers her hand] Karen Walker. And it is a pleasure to meet a true gentleman.
I Second That Emotion [8.02]
- Will: Look at this picture. If you look closely, I swear you can see Katie Holmes mouthing "help me!"
- Grace: Please. She made her own twin beds.
- Grace: I am not homophobic, you mincing little squirrel!
The Old Man and the Sea [8.03]
- Karen: Hey, J. Hey, WAG.
- Grace: Huh?
- Karen: Will and Grace - WAG.
- Will: Just glad my name isn't Frank.
- Grace: I am not a snob. Every guy has a chance with me. The unattractive, the unemployed, the lives with mom - everyone's welcome!
Steams Like Old Times [8.04]
- Malcolm: Jack, I know two ways to get a guy to call me "friend". One is to attach a car battery to his nipples, and the other is to buy him a fine Italian suit.
- Jack: Do I have to choose?
- [Will and Joe are playing Pyramid]
- Joe: OK...Famous for nothing.
- Will: Carmen Electra!
- Joe: Right! Oh, um...If I see her face again I'll scream.
- Will: Paris Hilton.
- Joe: The other one.
- Will: Lindsay Lohan?
- Joe: The other one.
- Will: Tom Cruise?
- Joe: Right!
The Hole Truth [8.05]
- Grace: This auction looks great. Oh, a gay cruise to Key West! I want that. [pause] Who am I kidding? A boat full of hot gay guys and an open bar... I might as well put on a bathing suit and start crying now.
- [Malcolm and Karen have just broken up]
- Karen: Malcolm?
- Malcolm: Yes?
- Karen: [sadly] Sailboats and sunsets.
- Malcolm: Sailboats and sunsets, baby. [leaves]
- Grace: That's so romantic. What did that mean?
- Karen: Oh, it's too complicated to explain...He nailed me on a Windjammer at 6:17 PM.
Love is in the Airplane [8.06]
- Will: Grace, it doesn't matter how you look. He cares about you, not about your clothes.
- Grace: Are you kidding?
- Will: I know, even as I said it I didn't believe it.
- Karen: I love tea. It's so proper. Now, do you take lemon or peyote in yours?
Birds of a Feather Boa [8.07]
- Jack: The ratings for "Jack Talk" came in. We got a 17 rating and a 10 share.
- Grace: Wow.
- Will: In this case, that means 17 people watched, and 10 of them were dressed as Cher.
- Beverley Leslie: Miss Adler, how dare you come into my home and desecrate the day I have set aside to celebrate my wife's death!
- Benji: Life.
- Beverley Leslie: Life! Why do I keep saying that?
Swish Out of Water [8.08]
- Karen: [to her maid] Jasmine, you have such beautiful hair. I wanna see it on the dresser by bedtime. [Jasmine leaves, horrified] You know, some people say thank you when they get a compliment.
- Will: Well, I did it. Today I stuck it to The Man!
- Grace: Finally. That was a long dry spell.
A Little Christmas Queer [8.09]
- Jack: [to Will] I can't wait to meet your gay nephew.
- Grace: You guys think everyone is gay. Jordy's only nine. It's no big deal that he went as Wonder Woman on Halloween.
- Will: He didn't go as Wonder Woman, Grace. He went as Lynda Carter.
- Marilyn: [about her granddaughter] She's adopted, but I love her like she's real.
Von Trapped [8.10]
- [Grace invites Will to a costumed showing of The Sound of Music.]
- Will: I don't know. Gay guys and sing-alongs? It's all a little obvious, don't you think? I don't want to act like a stereotype. [takes a sip of milk, spits it out] This is whole milk. I just drank whole milk! Great, now I'm fat, and I'll never find love!
- Will: [on the phone with Grace] I think I met someone.
- Grace: I don't see how that's possible, because every gay man in the city is in this theater. There's so much lisping going on it's like someone poked a hole in the lobby.
Bathroom Humor [8.11]
- Grace: You know what I hear when you talk? "Duh Duh Blah Blah Blah"!
- Jack: You know what I see when you talk? William Hurt in a wig!
- Jack: If you were worried we'd cancel our dinner, why didn't you just say so?
- Karen: Well, I'm a proud woman, Jackie. It's not easy for me to talk about my feelings. Plus, I'm high most of the time, so there's that.
Forbidden Fruit [8.12]
- Karen: [singing] Hush, little gay boy, don't you cry...
- Will: Now, back to my office. I want it to look more masculine.
- Grace: Then stay out of it.
Cop To It [8.13]
- [Will thinks Ellen is pregnant]
- Will: This is so annoying. Another kid, another gift. I'm so tired of rewarding straight couples for not wearing a condom.
- Grace: You two belong together. If not for love, then for the simple fact that no one else is gonna take you!
I Love L. Gay [8.14]
- Jack: Thanks a lot, Karen! I took your advice and tried to be a father to Elliot, and we got into a fight! He said I wasn't his real father and he stormed off!
- Karen: Oh, honey, he didn't mean it. Mason and Olivia say horrible things about me...and sometimes to the police!
- Will: James' green card marriage fell through. He has to go back to Canada.
- Grace: How awful for him! Those Canadians are so smug with their health care and their gay rights. It's easy to be like that when you're not a real country.
The Definition of Marriage [8.15]
- James: Have you ever been to Canada? It's like Michigan without any culture.
- Karen: There they are, the Jewish woman and the black man who are about to get married. I get such a kick that that's legal.
Grace Expectations [8.16]
- Jack: Hey, what's in the bag, fag?
- Will: Oh. Muffins from James. Do you think it's weird that he got them by cutting in line and then lying about needing them for his dying mother?
- Karen: No, not at all, honey. I mean, that's the same way we used to get bread and juice during the Great Depre...Eighties.
- Grace: Man, that was a great nap. What did I miss?
- Will: Tuesday.
Cowboys and Iranians [8.17]
- Will: [of a man who rejected Jack] The only reason you're in different leagues is because he's a creep. You're way above him. You're in a league of your own.
- Jack: I love that movie. It took place in such an innocent time...when Madonna was still relevant and Rosie was still funny.
- Karen: Smoking in the office...how inappropriate! Hey, does anyone mind if I take my boob out for a second?
- Grace: It's one thing at dinner, Karen, but work is where I draw the line.
Buy, Buy Baby [8.18]
- Amber-Louise: Jack! You are making a huge mistake. If you want to get to the top, you gotta compromise, like me.
- Jack: What are you compromising?
- Amber-Louise: Okay. [looks around, and whispers to Jack] I'm-a let you in on a little secret. I'm not who you think I am. My real name is Peg, and I'm a hardcore lesbian. I'm into leather play, butch black girls, skunkin', pulling the blinds, and poodle-ballin'. Whatever you got, I'll eat it, snort it, or ride it, baby! Look, go along with this and it'll work for you. Look at me. I clear $165 a week. I moved out of my storage unit. I'm on TV! I'm the freakin' dream!
- Karen: I love Filipinos; they're Asian, but they're not cocky about it.
Blanket Apology [8.19]
- George: There's my son! [He and Will embrace] Look at you! Are there any clothes you can't wear?
- Will: Well...Mom's clothes. We talked about that when I was 10, remember?
- Jack: Karen! You're bending my ethnic porn!
The Mourning Son [8.20]
- Will: Hey, guys. We would have got here sooner, but my Aunt Joanne lost her keys. Turns out she dropped them into the casket. Why she chose to reorganize her purse up there is beyond me.
- Marilyn: I mean, George didn't even like her. And now he has to spend the rest of eternity lying next to her Pathmark grocery card and rape whistle.
- Tina: You're sweet to talk to me. When someone dies, no one ever asks how the mistress is doing.
- Karen: Yeah, tell me about it. Not one person came up to me at Reagan's funeral!
Partners 'n' Crime [8.21]
- Grace: Thanks for interrupting my sex dream just as Ang Lee and I were getting out of the pool.
- Will: A sex dream about Ang Lee? What was that like?
- Grace: Slow-paced, but visually stunning.
- Grace: Will, you're not the President. Get out of my uterus!
Whatever Happened to to Baby Gin? [8.22]
- Jack: Wow, this baby name book is really great. Ooh, here's a pretty one: Clitorissa.
- Will: That's Clarissa!
- Jack: Oh, well, that's just gross.
- Gin: You were always popular and outgoing, and boys liked you more than they liked me.
- Karen: Well, honey, if they did like me more than you, it was only because I was kind and I listened, and I let them bang me under the bleachers while their friends watched.
The Finale Part 1 [8.23]
- Grace: Have another drink.
- Will: Have another donut.
- Grace: Fag!
- Will: Hag!
- Grace: Screw you.
- Will: You wish.
- Grace: You couldn't!
- Will: Not because I'm gay. Because you're hideous!
- [Karen and Jack are talking to each other on the phone.]
- Karen: Hey, Jackie.
- Jack: Hey, Kare. What's the story, drunken whorey?
- Karen: Well, we need to do something to get Will and Grace back together. Honey, it's been almost two years.
- Jack: Well, why does it always fall on us to help those two?
- Karen: I know, poodle. Ya know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life is just to serve Will and Grace.
- Jack: Right! It's like all people see when they look at us are the supporting players on the Will and Grace Show!
- Karen: Though, to be fair, we couldn't have our own show. We're good for poops and giggles, but it'd get silly after awhile.
The Finale Part 2 [8.24]
- Grace: Oh, Will, Ben is so adorable. I can't wait to meet him.
- Jack: He's clearly Will's child: Fat, bald, and clinging to Vince like it's the only man who'll ever love him.
- Jack: And may I say, your knockers look especially full tonight.
- Karen: Thank you. And may I say, you have the balls of a 30-year-old.