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Who Framed Roger Rabbit

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I could never hurt anybody — Ow! My whole purpose in life is to... make... people... laugh!

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a 1988 film combining animation and live-action. The film is set in Los Angeles in 1947, where animated characters (always referred to as "Toons") are real beings who live and work alongside humans in the real world, mainly as actors in animated cartoons.

Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Written by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman, based on the novel Who Censored Roger Rabbit? by Gary Wolf.
It's the story of a man, a woman, and a rabbit in a triangle of trouble.

Roger Rabbit

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  • [repeated line] P-p-p-please!
  • My whole purpose in life is to...make...people...laugh!
  • [angrily to Eddie] Dames?! What dames?! Jessica is the only one for me! You will see! We will rise above this pickling peccadillo! We are going to be happy again! You got that?! Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!
  • [while crying, looking at his pictures of him and Jessica; wedding, honeymoon and nightclub] Oh, Jessica. Please tell me it's not true. P-p-p-please?
  • Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss? Hey, Eddie!
  • A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it is the only weapon we have.
  • Yes, it is me my dearest. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage! [Judge Doom: Put that gun down, you buck toothed fool!] That is it, Doom! Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead! Thought you could get away with it, did not you?! Ha! We Toons may act idiotic, but we are not stupid! We demand justice! Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!

Eddie Valiant

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  • Scotch on the rocks. And I mean ice! [Penguin waiters from Mary Poppins]
  • [to Earl, who recently got laid off] Here is to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.
  • Nice Going, Jess!
  • Get this straight, meatball. I... do not... work for toons! [stuffs a hard-boiled egg in Angelo is mouth and storms off]
  • Who are you calling a chump, chimp?
  • [while seeing Jessica Rabbit and Marvin Acme playing patty-cake] You gotten be kidding me.
  • [looks at the newspaper in his office] It am not my fault the rabbit got himself in trouble. [drinks his whiskey] All I did was take a couple of lousy pictures. [notices the will is Marvin Acme is in the picture, gets out of the magnifying glass to investigate it] The baby was right. The hell of it.

Jessica Rabbit

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  • Mr. Valiant? [madly slaps Eddie in the face] I hope you're proud of yourself. And those pictures you took.
  • Oh, my God! It's DIP!!!
  • I think I am going to faint.

Judge Doom

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  • You see, Mr. Valiant, the successful conclusion of this case draws the curtains on my career as a jurist in Toontown. I am retiring to take a new role in the private sector.
  • Can you guess what this is? [Jessica Rabbit: Oh, my God! It's DIP!!!] That is right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the Earth!
  • [after showing Eddie his true form: A toon; as his voice grows higher-pitched every second] REMEMBER ME, EDDIE?! WHEN I KILLED YOUR BROTHER, I TALKED JUST... LIKE... THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • [last words] I AM MELTING! MELTING! WAUGH-WAUGH-WAAAAH! Oh no!

Dialogue

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Marvin: Over here, Jessica. I have everything ready. Right here, on the bed.
Jessica: [tired out] Oh, not tonight, Marvin. I have a headache.
Marvin: Oh, Jessica, you promised.
Jessica: Oh, all right. But this time, take off that hand buzzer.
[Eddie stands by the window and takes pictures of them playing patty-cake]
Eddie: [surprised] You gotta be kidding me.
[Bongo the Gorilla spots Eddie for peeping through the keyhole of the door to Jessica Rabbit's dressing room at the Ink and Paint club.]
Bongo: What do you think you're doing, chump?
Eddie: Who are you callin' a chump, chimp?
[Bongo opens the door and throws the screaming Eddie out of the Ink and Paint club.]
Bongo: And don't let me catch your peepin' face around here again! Got it? [closes the door]
Eddie: OOGA-BOOGA!
[In Maroon's office; Roger is crying after finding out Jessica playing patty-cake with Marvin Acme]
Roger: [crying; struggles the window blinds] Patty-cake! Patty-cake! I don't believe it! [heads to bang his head on his desk] Patty-cake! Patty-cake! Is that true?!
Maroon: Take comfort, son. You're not the first man whose wife played patty cake on him.
[Maroon hands Roger his handkerchief, he uses it to blow his nose couple times. He hands it back dripping with water and Maroon hands it to Eddie.]
Roger: I just don't believe it. I won't believe it. I can't believe it. I shan't believe it!
Eddie: [drops the wet handkerchief in the bin] Believe it, kid. I took the pictures myself. She played patty cake.
Roger: [looks at couple pictures of Jessica and Marvin] No... not my Jessica! Not patty cake. This is impossible. I don't believe it. It can't be. It just can't be. Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! [throws pictures into the air] Jessica's the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee.
Eddie: You better start drinking it black, 'cause Acme's taking the cream now.
Maroon: Hard to believe. Marvin Acme's been my friend and neighbor for 30 years. Who would've thought he was a sugar daddy?
Roger: Somebody must have made her do it.
Maroon: [hands Roger a glass of whiskey] Now drink this, son. It'll make ya feel better.
[Roger takes a shot of the glass of whiskey. He turns a variety of different colors and his eyes bulge. He suddenly shoots into the air and emits a whistling sound so high pitched that it smashes all the glasses, saucers, picture frames and awards since 1923 in the room including the one held by Valiant and the glass awards on the shelves, broken lamp since 1912 and the bottle of beer. As the whistling dies down Roger collapses back into the seat and mutters...]
Roger: [drunkenly] Thanks. I needed that.
Eddie: [shakes the whiskey off of his hands] Son of a bitch. Look, Mr. Maroon, I think my work here is finished. How about that carrot you owe me, huh?
Maroon: A deal's a deal. [hands Eddie the check]
Eddie: Thanks.
Maroon: Roger. I know all this seems pretty painful now. But you'll find someone new. Won't he, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie: Yeah, sure. A good looking guy like that? [chuckles] The dames'll be breaking his door down.
Roger: [suddenly comes to life; angered] Dames?! What dames?! [grabs Eddie by the collar] Jessica's the only one for me! You'll see! We'll rise above this pickling peccadillo! We're going to be happy again! You got that? Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!
[Roger crashes through the window, leaving a rabbit shaped hole in the glass and the blinds from smashing window.]
Eddie: Well, at least he took it well.
[Eddie and Maroon stare dumbfounded out of the window the blinds crash down.]
[Eddie sees a babysitter, who is lighting a cigar for Baby Herman]
Eddie: Uh... [runs to them] Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, wait a minute! Hey, hey!
Sitter: I've been tryin' to make him quit, but he just won't listen to me.
Baby Herman: What do you know, you dumb broad? You got the I.Q. of a rattle. You Valiant?
Eddie: Yeah.
Baby Herman: I wanna talk to you about the Acme murder. [to a woman] Hey, psst, doll. Why don't you run downstairs and get me a racin' form? [slaps sitter's butt]
Sitter: Okay, okay, I'm going! [leaves]
Eddie: The lady's man, huh?
Baby Herman: My problem is, I've got a 50-year-old lust and a 3-year-old body.
Eddie: Yeah. Must be tough.
Baby Herman: Look, Valiant. The rabbit didn't kill Acme. He's not a murderer. I should know. He's a dear friend of mine. I tell you, Valiant, the whole thing world's like yesterday's diapers. Look at this. [hands Valiant a newspaper for August 1947] The paper says Acme left no will. That's a load of succotash. Every toon knows Acme had a will. He promised to leave Toontown to us Toons. That will is the reason he got bumped off!
Eddie: Has anybody ever seen this will?
Baby Herman: Ah, no. But he gave us his solemn oath.
Eddie: [turns the baby carriage around] If you believe that that joker could do anything solid, the gag's on you pal!
Baby Herman: I just figured since you were the one who got my pal in trouble, you might want to help get him out. I can pay ya.
Eddie: Save your money for a pair of elevator shoes! [angrily pushes the baby carriage forward, and rolls it down the hall]
Baby Herman: Hey, no! Valiant, don't! [collides with the sitter, drops his cigar] Oh! My stogie! [looks down at his cigar, starts crying] WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
[Eddie heads into his office, as Baby Herman continues crying.]
Jessica: You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Jessica: I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
Eddie: D'you mean to tell me you could've taken your hand outta that cuff at any time?!
Roger: No. Not at any time. Only when it was funny. Bl-bl-bl-! [jumps away as Eddie tries to hit him and spins in a chair] C'mon, Eddie! Where's your sense of humor?
Dolores: Is he always this funny or only on days when he's wanted for murder?
[Eddie throws Roger into a secret room; Roger screams and lands head first in a bucket which gets stuck and Roger struggles to get it off.]
Roger: Hey, who turned out the lights? I can't see a thing! What's going on?
Eddie: You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you and what are you doing? Singing and dancing!
Roger: [kicks the bucket off and Valiant catches it] But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
Eddie: SIT DOWN!!
Roger: You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
Eddie: Yeah. And when they're done laughing, they're gonna call the cops! That guy, Angelo, would rat on you for a nickel.
Roger: Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
Eddie: Why, just because you made him laugh?
Roger: That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.
Smart Ass: Say, boss. You want we should "disresemble" the place?
Doom: No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me. [taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter] No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick. [taps "Shave and a Haircut" a few times]
Eddie: I don't know who's toonier; you or Doom. [Roger starts freaking out] Roger! [Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut"; Roger freaks out even more] Roger! Roger, no!
Doom: [taps "Shave and a Haircut" again; Roger violently freaks out to his limits] Shave and a haircut.
Roger: [crashes through the wall] 2 BITS!
Eddie: Happy Trails.
Roger: No, thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin' to cut down.
Eddie: Drink the drink!
Roger: But I don't want the drink!
Doom: He doesn't want the drink.
Eddie: He does!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You do!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You do!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You do!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You don't.
Roger: I do!
Eddie: You don't!
Roger: I do!
Eddie: You don't!
Roger: [takes the drink] Listen! When I say "I do", that means I do!
[Roger drinks the glass, causing him to leap into the air and emit the same ear-piercing whistling sound as before in Maroon's office, breaking multiple bottles and glasses. Eddie fights the weasels, smashing all the tables and breaking bottles. As the drink's effect on Roger wears out, he nearly falls in the dip, but Valiant catches him]
Eddie: Got you, kid! [knocks over the barrel of dip to slow down Doom]
Roger: Come on, Eddie! Let's get outta here! Move it, pops! YIKES!! [he and Eddie rush outside] Yeah! That was quick thinking, Eddie! Nothin' like using the ol' spine flower, the wise noodle, the smart puddin'!
Eddie: Roger, let's use this! [grabs Roger and throws him in the weasels van]
Roger: Let's get outta here! What are you waiting for?!
Eddie: THERE'S NO DAMN KEY!
[They both hear a voice from the back]
Benny: HEY, YOU WEASELS! LET ME OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?! COME ON! I'VE GOTTA MAKE A LIVING!
Roger: [opens the hatch and looks back] Benny, is that you?
Benny: [sarcastically] No, it's Eleanor Roosevelt. Come on, Roger. Get me outta here!
Roger: [squeezes through the hatch and the love letter to Jessica falls into Eddie's lap. He puts it in his pocket] Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!
[Eddie opens the van doors and a toon taxi cab named Benny leaps out]
Benny: Ah! That's better! I can't believe they locked me up for driving on a sidewalk!
[After the weasels have searched Eddie and Jessica for the will, but have failed]
Doom: Do they have the will or not?
Smart Ass: Nah, just a stupid love letter.
Doom: No matter. I doubt if that will is going to show up in the next 15 minutes, anyway.
Eddie: What happens in the next 15 minutes?
Doom: Toontown will be legally mine - lock, stock, and barrel.
[Eddie's doing the singing, dancing, and jokes to make the weasels literally die laughing]
Jessica: [about Eddie] He's lost his mind.
Roger: [in a sing-song voice] I don't think so.
[The Toons from Toontown appear and gather around the remains of Judge Doom]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh, I wonder who he really was.
Minnie Mouse: Or a mouse.
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf: Or a sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker. [laughs]
Sylvester: Or a pussy.
Jessica: Come on, Roger, let's go home. I'll bake you a carrot cake.

Cast

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Voices

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