The Looney Tunes Show

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The Looney Tunes Show was an American animated sitcom that used to air on Cartoon Network. The show features characters from the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies theatrical cartoons updated for the 21st century. It is produced by Warner Bros. Animation.

Season 1[edit]

Best Friends[edit]

Daffy Duck: I did it! I got us on tomorrow's episode of "Besties!"
Bugs Bunny: How'd you managed that?
Daffy Duck: There are some things you shouldn't know about me. But you better know everything else.
Bugs Bunny: I'm more concerned with how little you know about me.
Daffy Duck: I know everything about you. Hit me with some questions. Go ahead.
Bugs Bunny: Alright, what's my favorite color?
Daffy Duck: Pass.
Bugs Bunny: What time do I go to bed at night?
Daffy Duck: Pass. Give me something easy.
Bugs Bunny: Fine. When's my birthday?
Daffy Duck: January... February... Septem... December.... Jul... July! July 1st, July 2nd, July 3rd, July 4th. 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th!
Bugs Bunny: 27th.
Daffy Duck: July 27th! Well happy extremely belated birthday, or happy extremely early birthday.

Members Only[edit]

Daffy Duck: Bugs Bunny. Dumped. I've been there brother, you'll never get over it. Let me buy you some golf clubs! Waiter, bring this man your finest set of golf clubs, and charge it to 16-73!
Walter Bunny: 16-73? That's my membership number! [He comes up to Daffy angrily and punches Daffy in the face]

Lola Bunny: Wait until you meet Pepé. He's the wedding planner for the R.R.O.G.O.O.O.C.C.
Bugs Bunny: Can't you people just say country club?
Pepé Le Pew: Lola, mon cherie. [kisses her on the cheeks] And this must be the lucky groom. [kisses Bugs on the cheeks] Mmm. So lucky. So, so lucky. Your wedding day is the single most important day of your life. I should know-- I've been married 7 times. Now, I'm seeing an outdoor ceremony. You should feel the beauty of nature embracing you as you walk down the aisle, the smell of honeysuckle kissing your cheeks As you exchange your vows.
Bugs Bunny: Ugh.
Pepé Le Pew: There won't be a dry eye in the house.
Bugs Bunny: I'll be crying harder than anyone.
Lola Bunny: What's wrong, bun-bun? You don't want a big wedding? Well, we could have a small wedding, Or a wedding on the beach. Or we could get married in Vegas. Or we could just go down to the courthouse right now!
Bugs Bunny: Or… We could just not get married.
Lola Bunny: [heartbroken; breaks down, sobbing] What is going on with you?! This isn't the Bugs I know! [gets up and runs off for a second and back to kiss Bugs on the cheek] Love you. Don't forget, we're having dinner with my parents. [resumes back to crying and runs off once again]
Pepé Le Pew: Mmm. So lucky.

Jailbird and Jailbunny[edit]

[Bugs and Daffy getting their mug shots]
Guard: Name?
Daffy Duck: Daffy Duck.
Guard: Crime?
Daffy Duck: Contempt of court.
Guard: Name?
Bugs Bunny: Bugs Bunny.
Guard: Crime?
Bugs Bunny: Well, some might say being too good looking. [Bugs poses as he would for a magazine cover while hip music plays] Nah, I'm just kidding. Contempt of court.

[Bugs and Daffy stay at a motel room for the night]
Bugs Bunny: The motel gift shop may not have had any wielding equipment, but the book selection wasn't half bad.
Daffy Duck: Can you keep it down?! I'm trying to sleep!
Bugs Bunny: Well, I'm trying to read, and it's not easy with you tossing and turning.
Daffy Duck: You think I like having to share a bed with you?
Bugs Bunny: At least in prison we weren't chained together. We had a whole cell to enjoy. Oh, cell block number five!
Daffy Duck: Well, you're no picnic, either! You think I enjoy listening to you wax nostalgic about your time in jail?! Ha! And by the way, a prison nickname doesn't count if you give it to yourself, dynamite!
Bugs Bunny: You better watch it, duck. Because the fuse just got lit! [shows a dynamite stick tattoo on his arm, imitating fuse; Daffy spits on his hand and wipes the tattoo off his arm; gasps] How dare you! No one, and I mean no one, would do something that rude in prison! Now good night, Leopold.
Daffy Duck: Good night, Randy.

The Foghorn Leghorn Story[edit]

Yosemite Sam: Are you tryin' to make me look like a fool?!
Bugs Bunny: You don't need me to make you look like a fool.
Yosemite Sam: You're darn right, I don't!

Daffy Duck: Union guys. Well, you win some, you lose some. Gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em. Four score and seven years. You know what I mean?
Foghorn Leghorn: Are you quitting on me, son?
Daffy Duck: Everybody else quit, so I quit. Mob mentality.
Foghorn Leghorn: I guess I was wrong about you, son.
Daffy Duck: What's that supposed to mean?!
Foghorn Leghorn: Roosters are loyal. Roosters never quit. Roosters, I say roosters, fight to the end. And, son, you are no rooster.
Daffy Duck: Did you just call me a "no rooster?!"
Foghorn Leghorn: What are you gonna do about it, huh, son? I say, what are you gonna do about it?
[Daffy punches Foghorn in the face]

Off Duty Cop[edit]

[In a hostage like situation]
Bugs Bunny: [while aiming a pen on Porky's face] I just want my spargle.
Daffy Duck: [draws out the stapler] Put down the pen!
Bugs Bunny: Put down the stapler or I'll write over the pig's face!!!
Porky Pig: Why does everyone want to write over my face?
Bugs Bunny: [hysterically] Just give me my spargle.
Daffy Duck: Put down the pen!!!
Porky Pig: That's permanent ink!!!
Bugs Bunny: [more hysterically] I said "give me my spargle!!"
Daffy Duck: PUT IT DOWN!
Porky Pig: P--Permanent!!!
Bugs Bunny: I'M NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY SPARGLE!!!
Daffy Duck: I SAID "PUT IT DOWN!!!"
Porky Pig: I--It won't come off!
Yosemite Sam: [whistles that stops the commotion] This is a place of business. This are hardworking people who simply want to sell a quality product. What in tarnation is illegal about that?
[FBI agents arrive]
FBI Lead Agent: You're all under arrest.
[All staff make a run for it]
Yosemite Sam: What's going on here?
FBI Lead Agent: This whole operation's a scam. These things were filled with dangerous highly addictive chemicals.
Bugs Bunny: But what about the spargler berries!? [starts crying]
FBI Lead Agent: Somebody get that guy to a doctor.
[The FBI agents wrapped a blanket over Bugs and send him to the hospital]
Yosemite Sam: Am I under arrest? I'm just an innocent sales representative.
FBI Lead Agent: Well, that all depends. Did you know you were selling a dangerous product?
[The FBI Agents starts chasing a naked Yosemite Sam through the hallways]
Daffy Duck: Thanks for helping out, I'll take it from here.
FBI Lead Agent: Who are you?
Daffy Duck: Steve St. James, Off Duty Cop.
FBI Lead Agent: Arrest this one too.
[An FBI Agent handcuffs Daffy]
Daffy Duck: What did I do?
FBI Lead Agent: You've been impersonating a cop and handcuffing people all over town.
Daffy Duck: What about him? He's been impersonating a chauffeur.
FBI Lead Agent: That's not illegal. It's pathetic, but it's not illegal. Get this guy outta my face. [The FBI Agent walks away with Daffy] I'm putting you down as a witness, so I'm gonna need your name too.
Porky Pig: B--Brandon Steel.
FBI Lead Agent: I'm just gonna put "chauffeur".
[Porky sighs]

French Fries[edit]

Porky Pig: I have some exciting news.
Daffy Duck: You finally got a girlfriend?
Porky Pig: No, I…
Speedy Gonzales: [appears at their table with their meals] Okay, hot plates! Hot plates coming in! Fettuccine Alfredo, a personal pan pizza, and the meatball sub. [sets down a basket of french fries also]
Daffy Duck: Hey, Speedy, Porky finally got a girlfriend.
Speedy Gonzales: Ooh! Good for you, pinky. I thought you were gonna be one of those "always-leaves-alone" guys, who just gets more and more desperate until he alienates the few friends that he has. And then he's just alone. So what a relief for you. Now when can we meet this new girlfriend?
Porky Pig: [annoyed] Ugh. I don't have a girlfriend.
Speedy Gonzales: Well, stay in the game, pinky. But, maybe you should think about growing a beard. You got so much… Face.
Daffy Duck: That was your exciting news, that you don't have a girlfriend?

Daffy Duck: [shocked and enraged] My friendship with Porky is over!
Bugs Bunny: What?
Daffy Duck: He ate my french fries!
Bugs Bunny: What french fries?
Daffy Duck: The ones that came with my sandwich!
Bugs Bunny: He probably thought they were for the table.
Daffy Duck: They were not for the table! They were my fries! They came with my sandwich! You want fries? Order fries! But you do not take someone else's fries! That is a garbage move! Porky is a piece... of... garbage!
Bugs Bunny: Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?
Daffy Duck: I am not being dramatic! [puts on his sunglasses and scarf around his neck and gets out of the car] Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk myself home. That's right. Walk home through this unsavory neighborhood where I'll surely be sat upon by ruffians and miscreants, street hustlers and road monkeys. None of whom, by the by, come close to being the kind of garbage that is Porky Pig! Now good day, sir. [Bugs drives away, looks back, feeling alone] Bugs?

Season 2[edit]

Bobcats on Three![edit]

Bugs Bunny: [enters Porky's house] Hey, Pork. Ready to go?
Porky Pig: [calling from the kitchen] Give me a few minutes.
Bugs Bunny: [enters the kitchen, finding a lot of food recipes Porky made] What's all this?
Porky Pig: I had a catering job this morning.
Bugs Bunny: How did it go?
Porky Pig: Oh, not so good. They barely ate anything. I don't think they like my cooking.
Bugs Bunny: What? Let me try. [takes a bite of a muffin and starts to dislike it]
Porky Pig: You don't like it.
Bugs Bunny: No, it's fine. A little bland, maybe. Let me try this guy. [takes another sample, eats it, and finds it not a little good] Oh, Porky. Where are you getting your recipes?
Porky Pig: All these cookbooks I bought.
Bugs Bunny: [walks to the counter and notices a little box] What's this?
Porky Pig: Those are my grandmother's old recipes. I remember loving her food.
Bugs Bunny: "Flaky, creamy chicken casserole?" "Savory cheddar bread?" "Butter pie?" These sound delicious. What aren't you making any of these?
Porky Pig: I don't know. They don't sound very healthy.
Bugs Bunny: Porky, you're a caterer. You just need 'em to taste good.

Daffy Duck: [enters the house] We won again! [walks into the living room, finds Bugs on the couch] One more goal and the Bobcats are state champions!
Bugs Bunny: Oh, that's great! We should have a party to celebrate. [sits up, revealing he's gained a lot of weight; Daffy stares at him, confused] What?
Daffy Duck: You look different. Did you get a haircut?
Bugs Bunny: No.
Daffy Duck: Are those new gloves?
Bugs Bunny: [looks at his gloves] No.
Daffy Duck: Huh. There's something different. You sure you didn't get a haircut? Hmph. I'll figure it out.

Bugs Bunny: You know, if Daffy's team wins, we should celebrate. Have a party at my place tonight.
Porky Pig: Bugs, I don't think I should be your caterer anymore.
Bugs Bunny: What?
Porky Pig: Those recipes aren't healthy. No one's supposed to eat that much butter.
Bugs Bunny: Aw, come on. What's the big deal? [sits on the bench, causing his weight to slide Porky and three people together]
Porky Pig: Uh, I think you're the big deal.

Daffy Duck: Wait a second, I know what's different about you. You're ten times bigger than you used to be!

You've Got Hate Mail[edit]

[Speedy's Pizzariba; Porky finds Daffy sitting at a table wearing sunglasses]
Porky Pig: What's with the sunglasses?
Daffy Duck: I'm keeping a low profile.
Witch Lezah: You've got some nerve!
Daffy Duck: What? Because of the email? Because I said you're not a scary witch? You're not! I mean, what's the point of the big hat and the green skin and that stupid wand if you're not going to do anything scary with them?
Witch Lezah: [poofs an octopus on Daffy’s head] You want to see scary? I'll show you scary. You better watch who you talking to, and I ain't playing!
[Daffy screams and gets the octopus off his head and throws it aside off-screen]
Speedy Gonzales: [speeds up with a glass of iced tea] More iced tea?
Daffy Duck: Not too much ice. [Speedy angrily dumps the iced tea on him] You're mad?! Why are you mad?! Because I said calling yourself speedy sounds braggy? It does! I don't call myself handsome.
Speedy Gonzales: You know what people should call you? "Jerk."
Porky Pig: Why is everyone so mad at you?
Daffy Duck: I accidentally sent a mass email spelling out in great detail how I feel about people.
Porky Pig: Who else did you send it to?
Daffy Duck: Everybody. Everyone I've ever interacted with. Everyone who matters to me, who I have a relationship with. Anyone who makes any impression on me at all. So everybody. Every single person in my life.
Porky Pig: You didn't send it to me.
Daffy Duck: Huh. [realizes] TINA! [quickly runs out of the restaurant and down the street]
Yosemite Sam: [halts him] Hold it right there! I got your little email. I read every word. And I gots just one thing to say to you thank you, brother. You are so right. It was like you held a mirror up to my soul. It gave me the kick in the pants I needed to finally make a change for the better. Well, say good-bye to the man you once knew, because my transformation begins now.
Daffy Duck: That was a mask? Huh. I wonder if Tina will have a similar reaction.

Gribbler's Quest[edit]

Daffy Duck: Bagless, light weight, durable, free ship--free shipping? Hello, mommy. I think someone just made her way to my cart. Do I want to proceed to checkout or buy all my items with a simple quick click? Do you have to ask? Quick click. See you babies in 3 to 5 business days.
Bugs Bunny: [calling from outside] Daffy!
[Bugs and Daffy stand outside in front of the garage as Bugs opens the garage door, the inside reveals lots of boxed packages]
Daffy Duck: Yeah?
Bugs Bunny: What is all this?
Daffy Duck: Stuff I bought on the Internet.
Bugs Bunny: How did you pay for it?
Daffy Duck: You don't have to pay for it. You just press quick click.
Bugs Bunny: You used my computer. The quick click is connected to my bank account!
Daffy Duck: Ohh. That's why it always says, "Thank you for your purchase, Mr. Bunny."
Bugs Bunny: [sternly] It's all going back.
Daffy Duck: But I need all this stuff.
Bugs Bunny: I think you have a shopping problem.
Daffy Duck: I don't have a shopping problem.
Bugs Bunny: Oh, really? A battery operated spaghetti fork.
Daffy Duck: It's the ultimate time saver. Says it right there on the package.
Bugs Bunny: It's going back. [tapes up the box]
Daffy Duck: What are you doing? You can't return my toilet paper warmer. You want me to use cold toilet paper? Oh, no, no, no. You are not sending back my vibrating head massager. I haven't gotten one migraine since I got it.
Bugs Bunny: It's unopened.
Daffy Duck: That proves how effective it is. [spots a video game and plays it]
Bugs Bunny: Video games? What are you? 9 years old?
Daffy Duck: It's not just any video game. It's the best video game. "Gribblers' Quest IV: Elves vs. Fairies vs. Gribblers." You can play it as an elf or as a fairy, but you have to get to level 15 to be a gribbler. [Bugs annoyingly swipes the video game out of his hands] But--
Bugs Bunny: I don't want one more package delivered to this house.
Daffy Duck: Fine. [shouting as Bugs goes inside] I WOULD HAVE LET YOU USE THE TOILET PAPER WARMER!
Bugs Bunny: [closes the door and walks into the kitchen] "Elves vs. Fairies vs. Gribblers." [takes out a soda from the fridge] What the heck is a gribbler, anyway?

Pepé Le Pew: I know in the past, we've talked a lot about my fear of commitment. Uh, I don't know if this qualifies as a breakthrough or not, uh, but this week, I've decided to try online dating.

Ridiculous Journey[edit]

[As the three are stranded in Alaska]
Sylvester: Sufferin' succotash, where are we?
Taz: Ooohh. Cold! Taz hate cold!
Tweety: Oh, what a disastrous place this is! I'm already freezing my tail feathers off! [He touched his tail feather and it falls out]
Sylvester: Don't panic. Maybe I can see home from the top of that mountain.
Tweety: Mountain? You'll be a frozen catsicle before you ever get there.
Sylvester: Look, bird. It's your fault we're in this resulting predicament!
Tweety: My fault? I didn't do nothing!
Sylvester: You tempted me.
Tweety: By taking a bath? You got problems, man! I'm going to find a nice, warm town!
Sylvester: You, beast! Coming with me?
Taz: Taz.
Sylvester: What?
Taz: Name, Taz!
Sylvester: Let's go, Taz. I hope I never see you again, bane of my existence!

Best Friends Redux[edit]

[Speedy's Pizzarriba]
Rodney Rabbit: Man, Bugs you haven't changed a bit.
Porky Pig: So, how did you guys meet?
Rodney Rabbit: Summer camp.
Daffy Duck: Lame.
Bugs Bunny: Camp Winninake.
Porky Pig: Camp Winninake? I went to Camp Winninake!
Bugs Bunny: Oh, really? I don't remember you there. What cabin were you in? We were cabin 7: The Sharks.
Porky Pig: Oh, cabin 3: The Tadpoles. None of us could swim, so we did a lot of inside activities.
Rodney Rabbit: Ooh, man. I remembered the first day at camp. I didn't even want to get off the bus, but then I met Bugs, and we became best friends. [Daffy scoffs sulkily] So, how did you two meet?
Bugs Bunny: Oh, well, we met at the…
Daffy Duck: Just me tell it, Bugs. You always tell it wrong. We met during the war.

External links[edit]

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