Space Jam

Space Jam is a 1996 American family live-action/animated featuring Looney Tunes characters. The film was produced by Ivan Reitman, and directed by Joe Pytka, with Tony Cervone and Bruce W. Smith directing the animation.

A fictional account of Michael Jordan's first retirement from the NBA, the film was released theatrically by Warner Bros. under the Family Entertainment brand label on November 15, 1996. It plays out as an alternate story of Jordan's initial return to basketball, this time with him being inspired by Bugs Bunny and friends. Despite mixed reviews from critics, Space Jam was a box office success, opening at #1 in the US, and grossing over $230 million worldwide.

Dialogue

[It is nighttime. A shooting star is flying by, and the moon is shining. A kid is seen playing basketball; this is 10-year-old Michael Jordan, and his father James Jordan comes outside. R. Kelly and The Luv Club Choir's "I Believe I Can Fly" is playing]

James Jordan: Michael?

[Michael turns to see his dad]

James Jordan: What are you doin' out here, son? It's after midnight.

Young Michael Jordan: Couldn't sleep, Pops.

James Jordan: Well, neither can we with all that noise you're makin'. Come on, let's go inside.

Young Michael Jordan: Just one more shot?

James Jordan: All right. Just one.

Young Michael Jordan: Yeah. [Shoots the ball to the basket]

James Jordan: [Chuckling] That's good, shoot it again. [Passes the ball to him]

[Michael shoots the ball again to the hoop and makes a shot, his father catches it and smiles]

James Jordan: Gettin' pretty good, son. [Passes him the ball] Go ahead, shoot 'til you miss.

Young Michael Jordan: Do you think if I get good enough, I can go to college? [Shoots it again and makes another point]

James Jordan: Hey... you get good enough, you can do anything you want to, Michael.

Young Michael Jordan: I wanna play in North Carolina. [Shoots the ball to the basket]

James Jordan: Now that's a real fine school, real fine school. You can get a first-class education there.

Young Michael Jordan: I wanna play on the championship team. Then I wanna play in the NBA.

James Jordan: All right, let's... slow down, son. Don't you think you oughta get a little sleep first?

Young Michael Jordan: And once I've done all that...

James Jordan: Uh-huh.

Young Michael Jordan: I wanna play baseball just like you, Dad.

James Jordan: Baseball? Hey, now that's a sport. When you've finished with that, I suppose you're gonna fly, huh?

[Before they can go inside the house, Michael stops and turns to face the basketball hoop, he runs to the basket dribbling it twice. As he runs, we see images of his older self playing real basketball, he jumps and slam dunks it. The scene shows the audience images of Michael Jordan playing in college and in the NBA, winning the game, trophies, medals and championships. Quad City DJ's' "Space Jam" plays over the montage of images as well as the opening credits]

---

[the scene transitions to Michael at a press conference]

Michael Jordan: I just feel at this time that I, uh, reached the pinnacle of my basketball career, and I must retire. The one good thing that comes out of this is that my father had the opportunity to see me play my last basketball game. And that means a lot to me.

Reporter: What are you gonna do now?

Michael Jordan: Well, I've never really told anybody this, except for one person and uh, I think I'ma go and play professional baseball.

Reporter #2: What position will you play?

Michael Jordan: I don't know; as a kid, I was a pitcher, I think that it'd be kinda hard for me to pitch. I think I'ma play the outfield.

[As Michael continues talking, the camera zooms up panning to the night sky.]

---

[The camera zooms up the sky, panning past the moon and into space. The camera pans past the sign which says, "Amusement Park". There is a planet that says "Moron Mountain". It is an alien theme park where the aliens go to. The park has a lot of rides, and it has an alien head as an entrance. We see the ride with a robot alien zapping ships around it. It continues zapping until it hits one of the ships and the ship flies and then it lands on the parking lot and the alien father and son are unharmed, but the kid is not happy with his dad.]

Alien Kid: [Bored] Let's get outta here Dad. This stinks. Don't bring me here anymore, all right? [Echoes] Don't bring me here anymore, all right?

[Then the alien kid is seen on several monitors by a green dog-like alien. He is short, obese and wears a magenta business suit and a pink shirt, this is Mr. Swackhammer, the owner of Moron Mountain and his minions are small insectoid aliens called the Nerdlucks who wear bowties.]

Swackhammer: [To the Nerdlucks after angrily turning off the monitors] Are you listening?

[These are the five Nerdlucks. Pound is the orange overweight one, Bang is the green scrawny one, Bupkus is the purple stocky one, Blanko is the tall slender blue one, and Nawt is the red short one. They come over to Swackhammer as he continues to lecture.]

Swackhammer: Did you hear him? Did you hear him? That little brat is right. I've told you - if I've told you once. I told you a thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand times! [Camera panning to his face] We...need...new attractions!

Nerdlucks: Right!

Swackhammer: New ones!

Nawt: [Nodding his head] Uh-huh.

Swackhammer: Get it?

Nawt: Big shiny new things. Yeah. [Filing Swackhammer's fingernails.]

Bang: [Cleaning Swackhammer's sandals while Bupkus licks his sandals] Absolutely, sir.

Swackhammer: [Lighting his lighter] Look at me. Look at me and listen. [Burning Pound's butt with his lighter and Pound screams in pain, then he jumps off the desk] The customer is always right!

Nerdlucks: Right!

Swackhammer: The customer is always right. [Lighting his cigar and smokes]

Nerdlucks: Yeah! Exactly!

Swackhammer: [Smiling and drooling] Always! [Green drool lands on Blanko]

Blanko: [Disgusted] Eww!

Nerdlucks: Right!

Swackhammer: [Gets up from his chair] Okay, we need something. [Hits Nawt and Bupkus]

Bupkus: Oh, my bad!

Swackhammer: We need something... [Hits Pound and Blanko which causes them to yelp] Nutty!

Nawt: Nutty?

Swackhammer: [Sits on the remote control and turns back on the monitors] Something wacky.

Nawt: Hmm, wacky.

Swackhammer: We need something, something, something, we need something...

Bupkus: Looney? [Covers his mouth] Oops!

Nawt: [Pointing to the monitors] Looney. Thank you.

Swackhammer: [Surprised] Looney? [Turns around and notices the monitors]

[He sees the Looney Tunes on the monitors which give him the idea]

Swackhammer: [Smiling excitedly] Yes. Looney! Yes! Now you're talkin'! Looney! Looney! That's it! That's the word I was looking for! [Bupkus looks up at him smiling and giggling excitedly] Looney. Get the Looney Tunes!

Bupkus: [Jumping up happily] Looney Tunes!

Swackhammer: Bring 'em here!

Blanko: Sir, just noticing, sir. They're from Earth, what if they can't come?

Swackhammer: [Glaring] What did you say? What if they can't... come? [Grabs Blanko by the neck, choking him and smiles evilly] Make ‘em!

Blanko: [Strained voice] Cool.

Swackhammer: Make ‘em! [Laughing evilly] Looney!

Bupkus: We're gonna get 'em. Yeah, all right!

[The camera zooms away from Moron Mountain]

---

[Back on Earth, the camera zooms in on a baseball field, where Michael is having his first baseball game. He swings the bat but misses the ball.]

Umpire: Strike!

[The crowd cheers for Michael and the Barons players watch Michael.]

Barons player: Looks good in that uniform.

Barons player #2: Looks great. Can't teach that.

Barons player: Can't teach it.

[On the field, the catcher from the Stars team talks to Michael.]

Stars catcher: Hey, thanks for autographin' that basketball for my kid. I'm a hero now.

Michael Jordan: No problem. Happy to do it, man. [The catcher smiles and nods his head]

Umpire: Let's go!

[Michael gets ready to swing the bat again.]

Stars catcher: Curve ball. Don't swing. [Nodding his head] Don't swing.

[Michael looks at him confused, but he takes the advice. The pitcher throws the ball and Michael doesn't swing.]

Umpire: Ball!

[The crowd and the players cheer]

Stars catcher: Fastball, outside corner. Swing.

[The pitcher throws the ball again, Michael swings the bat, but he misses.]

Umpire: Strike!

Stars catcher: That was your pitch.

Michael Jordan: I know. I missed it.

Stars catcher: Don't worry, I'll get you another one.

[On the stands, the baseball manager is watching the game, and he's concerned about Michael, and he has an idea.]

Barons manager: [Calling] Podolak! Podolak, come here. Come here!

[A portly man gets up from his seat and walks up to the manager. This is Stan Podolak.]

Stan Podolak: Sorry, didn't mean to.

Barons manager: Come here!

Stan Podolak: Yes, sir?

Barons manager: I want you to make sure nobody bothers Michael. I want him to be the happiest player in the world.

Stan Podolak: The happiest.

[Back on the field, the catcher sees the pitcher.]

Stars catcher: Slider. Don't swing.

[The pitcher throws the ball and Michael swings the bat. but misses again.]

Umpire: Strike three!

Stars catcher: I told you not to swing.

Michael Jordan: I couldn't help it.

Stars catcher: I understand. Hey, nice talkin' to ya.

[Michael walks to the dugout as the crowd and his teammates cheer for him.]

Barons player: We're not worried. We're not worried. [Michael sits down as they talk to him.]

Barons player: Good job, Mike.

Barons player #2: Don't worry. Good try. Good hustle.

Barons player #3: Good cut, Michael. Good cut.

Barons player #4: That was a strikeout, Mike. That was a good-lookin' strikeout. Real good.

Barons player #5: I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, man, it looks nasty, man. At least you did good, man. Good looking.

[Stan gets on his stomach and leans down to Michael.]

Stan Podolak: [Smiling and waving] Hi, Hi, Mr. Jordan. Mr. Jordan, I'm Stan Podolak. [Leans in too far and falls down]

[Stan falls in the dugout and lands on his back, hurting himself. The players look at him as he gets up, groaning in pain and he sits next to Michael.]

Michael Jordan: You all right? That was a nasty fall.

Stan Podolak: Yeah. [Looks at him and shakes his hand] Oh, I'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan. I'm the Barons new publicist. I'm here to make your life easier. You want me to drive you somewhere, I will drive you anywhere. You want me to pick up your laundry, babysit your kids, I will do it. I am here to personally guarantee that no one will ever...bother... you.

[Suddenly, the Nerdlucks' spaceship flies by and the crowd gasps in shock and it disappears. Everyone is confused.]

Michael Jordan: What was that?

---

[The people at Wiggly the market scream and run out of the way. The spaceship crashes and goes underground. Inside the ship are the Nerdlucks and Pound drives the ship. They fly through a tunnel.]

Pound: Hang on!

Bang: Hanging on!

Bupkus: Hoo-hah!

Nawt: Hanging on!

Blanko: Are we there yet?

[They continue flying through the tunnel. The ship shakes and the Nerdlucks scream as they see the Warner Bros. logo and "Merrily We Roll Along" plays as they fly towards it.]

Pound: [Smiling] Bombastic!

Nawt: Cool!

[They fly through the logo and enter Looney Tune land. On the ground we hear gunshots and Bugs Bunny is running.]

Elmer Fudd: All wight, you iwascible bunny! Come back here, you scwewy wodent!

Bugs Bunny: [To audience] I'll, uh, be wit you in a sec, folks, after I finish with nature boy here. [Gets pointed at by Elmer's shotgun and Bugs looks at him]

Elmer Fudd: All wight, you pesky wabbit. I've got you now! [He's about to shoot Bugs, a metal ramp comes down on him and crushes him] Ouch!

Bugs Bunny: [Looks at the spaceship] Hmm. [The spaceship door opens and the Nerdlucks come out]

Pound: One small step for moi!

Nerdlucks: Moi!

Bang: [Pulling out a flag] One giant leap for Moron Mountain!

[Bang hits Pound in the foot with his flag and Pound screams in pain. Bugs looks at Elmer and sees that Elmer is seeing stars and groaning in pain.]

Bugs Bunny: And one whopper headache for Elmer Fudd. [He sees the Nerdlucks coming down from the ramp and the Nerdlucks look up at Bugs] Diminutive, ain't they?

Bang: We seek the one they called Bugs Bunny.

Nawt: Yeah, Bugs Bunny.

Bang: Have you seen him?

Pound: Where is this guy?

Blanko: Is he around?

[Bugs looks at the audience and then he decides to trick the Nerdlucks.]

Bugs Bunny: Hmm... Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny. Say does he have, uh, great big long ears... [Shows them his ears] Like this?

Nerdlucks: [Nodding in agreement] Yeah! Uh-huh.

Bugs Bunny: And does he hop around like this? [Hops around the forest]

Nerdlucks: Yeah.

Bugs Bunny: And does he say "What's up, doc?" Like this? [Puts his hand on Pound's head and chomps his carrot] Eh... What's up, doc?

Nerdlucks: [Excited] Yeah! Whoo!

Bugs Bunny: [Walking away] Nope. Never heard of him.

Nerdlucks: [Disappointed] Aww.

Bugs Bunny: [To audience] You know, maybe there is no intelligent life out there in the univoice after all.

[Bugs is humming. Suddenly, a laser zap hits him, the trees and grass around him die, the sky turns red. The road around turns it into a hole.]

Bang: Hold on there, Mr. Looney Tune. [Bugs turns around feeling shocked and his ears go down]

Bupkus: Hey, what do you think we are, stupid? [The Nerdlucks hold their laser guns and pointing them at Bugs]

Nawt: Don't move a muscle.

Pound: Okay, Bunny, gather up your Tune pals. We're takin' ya for a ride. [Leaning into camera, smiling and chuckling evilly]

Nawt: Move it, mister.

[Pound sees Blanko acting dumb]

Blanko: Totally. All right. [Goes to Pound] So like, where we goin'? [Chuckles, Pound gets annoyed and slaps Blanko in the face.] [Dizzy] Are we there yet? Oh. [Falls down]

---

[Back in the real world, Stan is driving Michael home.]

Stan Podolak: Aw, I'm really sorry it took so long.

Michael Jordan: Don't worry about it.

Stan Podolak: That exit on 65 wasn't clearly marked.

Michael Jordan: Hold up, hold up, right here.

Stan Podolak: What, here?

Michael Jordan: Yes.

[Stan stops the car and parks in front of Michael's house.]

Michael Jordan: Thanks for the ride, Sherm. I appreciate it.

Stan Podolak: It's Stan, Mike.

Michael Jordan: Sorry.

Stan Podolak: But that's all right, you can call me Sherm if you want to because I've followed your whole career and I think you're the greatest athlete that's ever lived.

Michael Jordan: [Trying to get out of the car] Stan. Stan. Stan. How do I get outta here? The door doesn't work.

Stan Podolak: Oh! I'm sorry. I-I- [Gets out of the car] I forgot to tell you it's a classic. It's a classic, but it's got a few peccadilloes. Hold on just a second. [Taps the car door and opens it]

Michael Jordan: [Gets out of the car] Huh, a few, huh? It's smokin' too, man. You need to get that checked.

[In the backyard, a bulldog named Charles is resting in his doghouse and he sees Michael come home.]

Michael Jordan: Thanks for the ride. [Takes the bag from the car]

Stan Podolak: [Looking at the house] Oh. Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house. Oh, that is a beauty. What is that, Colonial?

Michael Jordan: No, it's a nice house.

Stan Podolak: If you need anything done around the house, I'd be more than happy to help you out.

Michael Jordan: Oh no. I'm fine, thanks.

Stan Podolak: Anything you need.

Michael Jordan: Nah. You gave me a ride. I appreciate it.

Stan Podolak: Okay, sure.

Michael Jordan: Tomorrow, I'ma drive, so I don't need the ride. But thanks, though.

Stan Podolak: Oh. Why? Too conspicuous?

Michael Jordan: [Smiling] Yeah.

Stan Podolak: [Chuckling] Alright. Alright.

Michael Jordan: Thanks, though.

Stan Podolak: All right. Tomorrow! [Gets in his car]

Michael Jordan: See you tomorrow.

[Stan drives away as Michael heads for the front door. The bulldog groans and runs up to Michael.]

Michael Jordan: [Seeing his dog] Come on, dog. No, not today. Oh!

[Charles jumps on Michael and he falls to the ground. Charles licks Michael's face.]

Michael Jordan: Dog, get off me! Your breath!

Jordan's housekeeper: [Runs out and sees Michael] Mr. Jordan, are you okay? [To Charles] Get off of him, Charles! Come on!

Michael Jordan: Bad dog! Git! Oh!

Jordan's housekeeper: Come on, Charles! Get off of him! [Grabs Charles by the collar, pulling him away] Pooch, stop it! Get off of him before I cook you! Come on, come on, come on, baby, come on.

[Michael wipes the dog slobber off his face and a minivan pulls up. The kids wearing baseball uniforms come out of the minivan and they run down the sidewalk. A woman exits the minivan. This is Michael's wife Juanita.]

Juanita Jordan: Come on, you guys. Get out of the car!

Kids: Bye, Mr. Jordan.

Michael Jordan: Bye, kids.

[Then Michael's son Jeff comes out of the minivan.]

Little League girl: Hey, good game.

Michael Jordan: [Concerned] Hey, Jeff. You okay?

[Jeff looks at him sadly and shakes his head. He walks up and heads to the house.]

Michael Jordan: How was your game?

Jeffery Jordan: I don't wanna talk about it.

Marcus Jordan: [Running past him] Hi, dad!

Michael Jordan: Hey, hey, hey.

Passengers: [Driving by and waving to Michael] Bye Michael!

Jasmine Jordan: [Happily running up to him] Daddy! Daddy!

Michael Jordan: [Picks her up and hugs her] Hi, how you doin'?

Juanita Jordan: Hey.

Michael Jordan: Hey.

Juanita Jordan: [Kisses him] Ooh! You're all covered up with drool, baby.

Michael Jordan: That's your dog.

[Juanita laughs and they walk inside the house.]

Michael Jordan: What's the matter with Jeff?

Juanita Jordan: Well, he went 2 for 5 and lost 32 points in his batting average.

Michael Jordan: [Shocked] Is that all?

Juanita Jordan: Yeah, so that puts him at, like, uh, 685 or something.

Michael Jordan: He's batting what?

[They walk into the kitchen and Michael puts down Jasmine and she runs into the living room.]

Juanita Jordan: Mmm, smells good in here. Whatcha cookin'?

Jordan's housekeeper: Chicken.

Michael Jordan: Chicken and what?

Jordan's housekeeper: Chicken and collard greens.

Michael Jordan: Good. I'ma need a good meal tonight. [Housekeeper chuckles and Michael feels sad]

Juanita Jordan: [Concerned] Is everything okay?

Michael Jordan: Boy, I stunk up the place. I hope this baseball's thing is a good idea.

[In the living room, Michael's kids watch the news on TV. It's about Michael at his baseball game.]

Jim Rome: It was another career day for Michael Jordan at Barons Field this afternoon. Let's face it. This baseball...

Michael Jordan: What are you guys watchin'? [He goes into the living room and sees the news on TV, and sits down to watch]

Jim Rome: Today he went 0 for 4 with three strikeouts.

Michael Jordan: Is this the only thing on TV?

Jim Rome: That brings his batting average down to an anemic .214, which also happens to be his playing weight. Baseball bat? Get this guy a tennis racket!

[The news shows the strikeouts Michael had today. Michael doesn't like it.]

Jeffrey Jordan: Did everyone get mad at you?

Michael Jordan: No, worse. Everyone was real nice about it.

Jim Rome: Michael, I know golf is your sport, but not here.

Jeffrey Jordan: I think you should open your stance a little. It might make you more aggressive at the plate.

Michael Jordan: Oh, you think so? I'll try to remember that.

Jim Rome: Watching this hurts me more than it hurts you. What is that?

Michael Jordan: [Picks up the remote] What are you guys doin' watchin' that stuff? It's bad for you.

[He changes the channel for his kids. He finds a channel playing the [[w:warnerbros:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies] short "Beep, Beep".]

Michael Jordan: There you go, Road Runner. Beep-beep, here. Looney Tunes. [Gets up and goes into the kitchen]

[On TV, Wile E. has an anvil as his wire goes down, sending him to the road. Road Runner stops in front of him. Then Porky Pig comes in.]

Road Runner: Beep beep!

Porky Pig: [Jumps in front of the screen, stammering] Stop this cartoon! [Panting to Wile E. and Road Runner, stammering] We got an emergency cartoon character union meeting to go to. [Jeff sighs]

Road Runner: Beep-beep! [Running off]

Porky Pig: Hey, wait for me! Hold your horses! [Running after him]

[Wile E. puts down the anvil to join them. Before he could walk away, he zooms up in the air.]

Marcus Jordan: Dang. Where'd they go?

Jasmine Jordan: Oh no.

---

[Back in Looney Tune Land, all of the Looney Tunes go to the union hall for a meeting. The marquee on the outside reads Tonight — Aliens Turn Us into Slaves/Saturday — Tony Bennett 8 & 10 PM. Wile E. flies down from the sky, crashing through the roof and lands on the floor. Then Daffy comes in with towels and holding a scrub brush.]

Daffy Duck: [Stepping on Wile E.'s nose] Stop the music. [Shoves Foghorn] Top duck comin' through!

Foghorn Leghorn: Hey!

Daffy Duck: [Annoyed] Jeez! It's gettin' so a guy can't even get himself wet around here. [To Bugs] So, what's the big emergency?

[Bugs is tied up in chains and the Nerdlucks are standing by him as he talks.]

Bugs Bunny: Uh, these little guys would like to make an announcement. [Passes the microphone to Pound] Here you go, shorty.

Nerdlucks: Go. [Bang pushes Pound gently]

Pound: [Goes to the microphone] All right, All right. [Clears throat; to the Tunes] You, all of you are now our prisoners! [Grinning evilly]

[There's a moment of silence; then the Tunes start laughing.]

Sylvester: [feigning fear] Ooh, we're in big trouble now.

[Pound feels embarrassed as they laugh at him, he looks around and doesn't know what to say. Nawt takes the microphone to continue the announcement.]

Nawt: We are taking you to our theme park in outer space.

Blanko: [Steps in] No fooling.

Nawt: Where you'll be our slaves and placed on display to the amusement of our paying customers.

[The Tunes just roll their eyes at what Nawt said.]

Daffy Duck: Oh, fear clutches my breast. [Laughing with the Tunes and Yosemite Sam jumps on stage]

Yosemite Sam: [Firing his guns] We ain't a-goin' nowheres!

[Sam points his guns at Pound, but Pound pulls his laser gun and zaps Sam. Sam's clothes, hat, and guns are gone, he is in his underwear and charred. Daffy and all of the other Tunes put their hands up. The Nerdlucks point their lasers at them.]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, not so fast, doc. [Taking the chains off him] You can't just turn us into slaves. That would be bad. You've gotta give us a chance to defend ourselves. [pulls the chains off his ears]

Pound: Oh yeah? [Pointing his gun at Bugs] Who says?

Nawt: Says who?

Bupkus: What?

Bugs Bunny: [Writing a note] Just a sec. [Shows them a book that says, "How to Draw Cartoon Characters" with the word "Draw" crossed out and "Capture" written underneath] There. Read 'em and weep, boys.

[Pound takes the book, and they see a note that says, "Give them a chance to defend themselves."]

Blanko: What's this?

Nerdlucks: Huh?

Nawt: [Reading the note] Give them a chance to defend themselves.

Bang: [Rolling his eyes and groaning] Aw. Do we have to?

Nawt: It's in the rule book.

Bupkus: It is.

Blanko: Okay, it is in the rule book.

Bugs Bunny: [Opens the door] Uno momento. We have to confer. [Closes the door]

[Inside the room, Bugs is standing in front of the American flag, wearing a military uniform.]

Bugs Bunny: All right troops. It is for us to choose a battlefield that affords us.

Porky Pig: [Raising his hand] Oh, I-I g-got it.

Bugs Bunny: Yes, Private Porkster? [the helmet falls over his eyes]

Porky Pig: How about we challenge them to a bee-b-buh-buh-buh-s-spelling bee?

Elmer Fudd: Say, we could have a bowling tournament. [Chuckling]

Sylvester: Sufferin' thuccotash! What's wrong with all of ya? I say... we get a ladder. [Imagines his plan about Tweety] Wait 'til the old lady's outta the room, then grab the little bird.

[Sylvester pretends he has Tweety and wheezes.]

Bugs Bunny: [Calming Sylvester] Whoa, whoa. Take a deep breath, Sly. (Sylvester calms down, pants and nodding his head) Okay, let's analyze the competition. [Pulls down the chart of the Nerdlucks] Now, what are we lookin' at here? We got a small race of invading aliens.

Daffy Duck: Small arms, short legs. [Pretending to be a Nerdluck]

Elmer Fudd: Not vewwy fast.

Sylvester: Tiny little guys.

Porky Pig: Can't jump high.

Tunes: [In unison] Uh-huh. [Smiling]

[They pull up the chart and go outside to the Nerdlucks. Bugs has a basketball with him as he looks at them.]

Bugs Bunny: We challenge you to a basketball game. [Spins the ball around with his finger]

Pound: All right, basketball it is!

Bang: Basketball!

Nawt: Basketball! [Jumping and clapping happily]

Bupkus: Oh boy, oh boy. [Wags his tail happily]

Blanko: [Excited] All right! [Confused] What is basketball?

Bupkus: [Shrugging] What's that?

Nawt: Beats me.

Bang: We didn't have that in school.

Pound: I have no idea.

Bupkus: What?

Bugs Bunny: Lights!

[Bugs plays an instructional video for the Nerdlucks. The lights turn off as the video starts, Foghorn is trying to find his seat and he's in the way of everyone's view.]

Foghorn Leghorn: Pardon me. Sorry.

Barnyard Dawg: Hey! Down in front! [Throws his popcorn at Foghorn]

[The popcorn hits Foghorn in the head and he falls down; the video starts.]

Narrator: An exhilarating team sport currently growing rapidly in popularity is basketball. Unlike football and baseball, only five men can play on a team. It's a fast-paced, razzle-dazzle game that requires quick wits and even faster reflexes. Here's how it's done in the professional ranks, the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association], featuring the best players in the world.

[The Nerdlucks are watching and listening to the video. They all smile beginning to understand what basketball is. Then they have an idea.]

Nawt: The best players in the world.

Bupkus: The best! [Pound smiles at the idea]

---

[The camera switches to New York City. It is nighttime outside of [[[w:Madison Garden|Madison Square Garden]] and there's heavy traffic. Spin Doctors and [[w:Biz Markie|Biz Markie]'s cover of "[[w:That's the Way (I Like It)|That's the Way (I Like It)]" plays. Inside there's a basketball game between the New York Knicks and Phoenix Suns. Charles Barkley has the ball. He shoots it and scores, the crowd boos. The Nerdlucks arrive in disguise wearing a trench coat and a hat. They bump into some people.]

Bang: Excuse me. Oh, so sorry.

Nawt: Excuse me. [They sit down next to a woman and a man.]

Bupkus: Ow! Get your feet out of my nose!

Nawt: Quiet, they're looking. [Shushing, then to Bang and Blanko] Hey, it's basketball.

Bang: [Opens the coat] Where?

Blanko: Whoa, now what?

[The Knicks score and the crowd cheers. The woman looks at the Nerdlucks.]

Nawt: Hey hey!

Pound: What, what?

Nawt: She's looking again.

Bang: Close it up. Close it up. [Closing the coat]

Blanko: Tightly.

Bupkus: [Exclaims] You poked me again! [He groans as the woman gets uncomfortable sitting next to them and she turns to her husband.]

Woman fan: Sweetheart?

Male fan: What?

Woman fan: I thought you were gonna get better seats this year.

Male fan: This is as good as I could get.

Woman fan: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.

Male fan: [Annoyed] Honey, will ya just let me watch the game? Barkley's killing us!

Bang: [Quietly] Hey, someone's killing someone.

Blanko: No. Seriously?

Pound: Wow, a killer. Let me see.

Nawt: [Sees Charles Barkley and points at him] There, that's him. The killer! He's big.

Blanko: [Smiling] He's good.

Pound: [Pushes down Blanko and smiles evilly] He's mine! [Closes the jacket]

Nawt: Okay, go get him.

Pound: Yeah, watch out.

[The woman looks at them again, as the coat lowers down. She jumps up from her seat startled. Pound comes out from under the coat. He changes into pink ooze, and he goes onto the court. As Charles Barkley walks up, Pound launches into Charles Barkley's nose and goes inside his body. The crowd gasps in shock. He twitches as Pound comes out of his body, he feels dizzy and goes back to his teammates.]

Suns Player: [Pulling Charles by the jersey] Come on, get back on defense. Come on. Get back on "D", man!

[The Knicks player, Patrick Ewing, scores and the crowd cheers. Salt-n-Pepa's "Upside Down ('Round-N-'Round)" plays. The Suns coach, Paul Westphal observes what's happening to Charles Barkley and stands up from his chair.]

Paul Westphal: What are you doing?

[Charles Barkley is waving his hands wanting the ball, but one of the Knicks players scores.]

Paul Westphal: Time-out! Call a time-out!

Suns player: What's wrong with you, man? You're killin' us!

[Pound goes back to the coat, Bang, Bupkus, Blanko, and Nawt open the coat for him and Pound goes inside the basketball.]

Nawt: Okay, let him in. Open up.

Blanko: Open.

Bupkus: [happily] Wow! He did it!

Pound: [Comes out of the ball and smiles gleefully] I got it! I got his talent! [Pointing to Charles Barkley's talent]

Bang: All right!

Blanko: Super.

[On the sidelines, Charles Barkley is upset about not playing anymore.]

Paul Westphal: Sit down, Chuck.

Charles Barkley: Hey, man. I'm fine. I am fine. [Sits down]

Paul Westphal: I'm playing you too many minutes.

Charles Barkley: I'm not tired.

Paul Westphal: [To assistant coach] Go get the doctor.

[Resume game. Patrick Ewing dunks the ball and scores. Then Bang changes into pink ooze, and he approaches him. He launches into Patrick Ewing's nose and goes inside his body; he twitches around, and Bang comes out of his body. His concerned teammates check on him.]

Knicks Player #1: What's up, man? You all right?

Patrick Ewing: Yeah, man.

Knicks Player #1: You sure?

Knicks Player #2: Come on, we're okay. We're okay. You're all right. Come, let's go.

[The referee blows the whistle and tosses the ball to Patrick. Instead of catching it, the ball hits his chest. All of the players look at Patrick confused.]

Referee: Come on, Patrick, it's show time.

[The referee tosses the ball again as Patrick tries to catch it, but he misses. The crowd looks at him with worry. He gets ready to shoot the ball into the hoop. He looks at the hoop and then he throws the ball a little too high and it goes flying into the stands and hits the popcorn vendor. He falls down spilling popcorn everywhere.]

---

[The camera switches to a hotel room where the news is on TV.]

Ahmad Rashad: In a shocking development, 5 NBA players have been placed on the disabled list in the last 24 hours, all suffering from the same mysterious ailment. Whatever this mystery is, it seems to have a devastating effect on the player's coordination. Watch Patrick Ewing.

Michael Jordan: [Talking to his family on the phone] Yeah, I'll be home in a couple days. Put your mom on the phone.

[Michael watches the news and sees Patrick Ewing hit in the head with the ball and it shows Charlotte Hornets players Larry Johnson and Muggsy Bogues.]

Michael Jordan: [On the phone] Hey baby, how you doin'? You watchin' TV?

Ahmad Rashad: It wasn't just here in New York, that's what's really frightening about it. Check out Muggsy Bogues and Larry Johnson at the Highlands.

[Michael watches Muggsy Bogues twitching around as the 76ers player steals the ball and runs to the hoop.]

Hornets Coach: [Angrily] What the hell's goin' on!?

Hornets Player: You all right, Larry?

Larry Johnson: I'm ready coach, sure. All right. [Tries to drink the water but it spilled all over him]

Michael Jordan: [To himself] Looks like I retired just in time. [Hears knocking on the door; On phone] All right, baby. I gotta go, I'll call you later? Love you, bye.

[Michael hangs up the phone and sees Shawn Bradley, walking down the court trying not to trip and Michael hears knocking again.]

Michael Jordan: It's open!

Stan Podolak: [Opens the door] Come on, Michael, it's game time. Get your Hanes on. Lace up your Nikes. Grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade. We'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.

Ahmad Rashad: Now we take you live to the Forum in Los Angeles, where the Lakers are refusing to take the court.

[The camera switches to Los Angeles; reporters, cameramen, and fans gather around the Lakers and their coach, Del Harris comes out of the locker room.]

Del Harris: Guys, we gotta get dressed. We got a game in 5 minutes. I mean, we're talkin' about a huge fine here.

Vlade Divac: No way, coach. We can't go in the locker room.

Del Harris: Oh.

Cedric Ceballos: You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. It's gotta be germs in there or something.

Lakers Players: [Agreeing] Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Del Harris: Cedric, that was in New York. 3,000 miles away.

Lakers Player #3: Bacteria like that can travel faster than the speed of light.

Vlade Divac: Yeah, it could be Invasion of Body Snatchers.

Lakers Players: Yeah, yeah, could be.

Del Harris: [Sighs] All right. Dress in the hallway.

Lakers Players: Okay.

[The Lakers put gas masks on as they prepare to go to the locker room.]

---

[Meanwhile, back in Looney Tune Land, the Tunes are practicing basketball]

Bugs Bunny: Okay, okay, now which of you maroons have ever played basketball before?

[The Tunes murmur and Daffy steps in]

Daffy Duck: I have, coach, and there's an important strategic question I need to ask you.

Bugs Bunny: Yes, yes?

[Disco music plays as Daffy Duck puts on a fashion show. He tries on random jerseys and the last one he tries on is a gold jersey, with purple shorts, black sneakers, and green hair.]

Daffy Duck: What do ya think? I'm kinda partial to purple and gold myself. It goes better with my coloring.

Porky Pig: Hey guys. [To Daffy] N-Nice outfit, Daffy. [To Bugs] The little aliens say it's their turn to, uh, use the court.

[The Nerdlucks are trying to work out, but are unsuccessful in doing so]

Bugs Bunny: Yeah sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out.

Daffy Duck: Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys!

[The Tunes laugh. As they leave, dark clouds appear in the sky. Pound and Bang smile evilly as they hold up the bag. Bupkus, Blanko, and Nawt go to them as they open the bag. A basketball glows with the talents inside it. They all touch the ball, absorbing the talents into their bodies. The Tunes turn around and see what's going on.]

Pound: [smiling] Ahh! [He starts to feel strange, then he begins to grow big and strong, he laughs as he grows muscles]

[Blanko looks up at Pound, then his feet start shaking and big sneakers appear on his feet, then he zooms up and grows tall. Bang starts to grow tall; he groans in pain as he grows muscles, and his spine gets strong, then the spikes pop out of his back. He turns to face the audience with his eye staring at the audience as he chuckles then roars like a beast. The Tunes’ eyes widen with shock as they look up at them, the Monstars are now big and strong. Pound looks like Charles Barkley, Bang looks like Patrick Ewing, Bupkus looks like Larry Johnson, Blanko looks like Shawn Bradley, and Nawt looks like Muggsy Bogues. They are humanoid muscular aliens who wear navy blue basketball uniforms with gold trimlines, white zeroes and navy blue sneakers. They smile evilly at the Tunes. Pound and Bang chuckle at them and their voices become deep and resounding.]

Blanko: [To Porky] Hey, little pig. [Bending down to Porky] Boo.

Porky Pig: [Shrieking, then sheepishly] [stammering] I w-w-wet myself. [Smiles and blushes]

[The muscled aliens chuckle as Bang picks up the basketball and the Tunes look on.]

Bang: Time to play a little basketball. [Yelling and he slams the ball to the ground which causes an earthquake on the court; the Tunes run around until they get stuck in the middle, Foghorn, Elmer and Sam hug each other, Daffy, Porky, and Sylvester look up at them]

Daffy Duck: Those little pipsqueaks just turned into superstars.

Porky Pig: They're [stammering] me- me- monsters!

Sylvester: Sufferin' thuccotash! [Points at them] They're Monstars!

[Bang pops the basketball in his strong hands, then they leave the court]

Bupkus: Bye-bye.

[As they leave, they shake the ground, and a hotel collapses]

Bugs Bunny: [Eating his carrot, to the audience] Eh, I think we might need a little bitta help.

---

[Back in the real world, Michael is golfing with Stan, Larry Bird, and Bill Murray.]

Bill Murray: [Sighs talking to the golf ball] 175 yards, OK little fella. You my friend or are you my enemy? You are my friend, right? You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving. [Hits the golf ball]

Michael Jordan: Oh. Great shot.

Stan Podolak: [Clapping] Mmm. Nice shot, Mr. Murray.

[Bill's ball lands far from the hole. He is still hanging his golf club above his head.]

Michael Jordan: You can stop posing now. [Chuckling softly] Good try.

Larry Bird: Not bad. Not bad. [Walks in next]

Bill Murray: [Walking up to Michael] Somethin' for you all to shoot at.

Michael Jordan: Hit it good, Larry.

Larry Bird: Do my best.

Michael Jordan: [To Bill] It was a good shot.

Bill Murray: Yeah, I know. Mike, I gotta ask you something. The NBA has to face reality. What's happening to these players is serious. They're gonna need new players with talent, guys who are skilled but never really thought about a professional career before. [Thinks for a moment] You think I got a shot? [Michael shakes his head] Come on, really?

Michael Jordan: No.

Bill Murray: Don't kid me.

Michael Jordan: Listen, it's a man's game, and you can't play.

Bill Murray: What if I tried really hard?

Larry Bird: Can you keep it down? I'm tryna hit this ball.

Bill Murray: : [after Michael is reluctant to let him join the NBA] It's because I'm white, isn't it?

Michael Jordan: No. Larry's white. So what?

Bill Murray: Larry's not white, Larry's clear. [Larry hits the ball] You got it, Larry!

Michael Jordan: Get inside his ball.

[Larry's ball lands near the hole, it almost went in the hole]

Stan Podolak: [Impressed] Whoa.

Larry Bird: You clowns can't beat that. It's the best shot I ever hit.

Michael Jordan: You haven't been playin' long.

Larry Bird: It's a Hall-of-Fame shot.

Stan Podolak: Real nice shot, Mr. Bird.

Larry Bird: Larry. please.

Stan Podolak: Nice shot, Mr. Larry.

Bill Murray: Nice shot Larry.

Stan Podolak: [To Michael] You can do this. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. You can do this.

Bill Murray: Larry, you feel that the NBA has to face reality, don't ya? It's just gotta start lookin' for some more dominant players in places they've never looked before.

Stan Podolak: [Continuing] Just look at the ball. Visualize the shot where you want it to go.

Michael Jordan: [Takes the golf ball and pin] Right, right, right.

Stan Podolak: Be the ball. Be the ball.

Michael Jordan: [Annoyed] Get off the tee.

Stan Podolak: All right.

Larry Bird: You can't jump.

Bill Murray: I... Yeah, go on.

Michael Jordan: Close to the pin?

Bill Murray: Close to the pin, for dinner?

Larry Bird: Sounds good.

Bill Murray: I'll go close to the pin.

Larry Bird: I'll take some of that.

[Michael looks at the ball, swings the club, and hits it in the air.]

Bill Murray: That's not bad. Good shot.

Michael Jordan: Get down! [Looks on as the ball goes down] Look at that. Look at that spin.

[The ball lands on the ground. Under the ground Bugs is using a magnet to lure the ball into the hole. Michael and his friends see the ball moving around.]

Michael Jordan: Come on.

[as Michael's golf ball rolls toward the hole in an unusual way]

Bill Murray: It...is... alive!

[The ball lands inside the hole. Michael yells in excitement, Larry, Bill, and Stan cheer for him.]

Michael Jordan: Yes! My first hole in one! Yes! [Gives Bill and Larry high fives]

[They all chuckle as they go to see the hole to get the ball.]

Bill Murray: Oh.

Larry Bird: Don't say this.

Stan Podolak: Never seen one of these before.

Michael Jordan: [Takes the flag out] Larry, nothin' but the bottom of the cup.

Bill Murray: That's his ball too.

Michael Jordan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my ball, sorry.

Stan Podolak: Wait, wait, wait. Let me get a picture of this.

Michael Jordan: You guys are jealous.

Stan Podolak: All right. Here we go. Now you're gonna smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball, and then you smile, OK?

Michael Jordan: Yes. [Leaning in and reaching in for the ball]

Stan Podolak: And you think, "This is good."

Michael Jordan: Just take the picture!

Stan Podolak: All right. OK.

[Michael puts his hand in the golf hole and smiles for the camera. Before Stan could take a picture, a rope appears from the hole and grabs Michael's wrist, it pulls him down the hole, making him lose his hat and one of his shoes. Stan, Bill, and Larry get confused, Stan looks from the hole and to the camera.]

Bill Murray: What kind of camera is that?

Stan Podolak: It's just a--

Bill Murray: [Grabbing the camera] Would you not point that at me, please? And close the lens cap! [Tosses the camera away]

Stan Podolak: I didn't do anything! I just took--

Larry Bird: Where'd he go?

---

[In a tunnel, Michael is being dragged further down into the tunnel as his screams echo through the tunnel. His lips flap as he sees the Warner Bros. Pictures logo ahead, he goes through it. He is in Looney Tune Land. He flies down from the sky and into their town. He crashes down onto the ground. Sam is rolling up his rope, Michael sits up all dizzy, with flying golf balls around his head. He sees Bugs Bunny in front of him.]

Bugs Bunny: Oh, uh, look out for the first step, doc, it's a real lulu.

Michael Jordan: Bugs Bunny?

Bugs Bunny: Eh, you were expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?

Michael Jordan: You're a cartoon, you're not real.

Bugs Bunny: Not real, eh? If I weren't real, could I do dis?

[Bugs grabs Michael by the shirt and kisses him with a big smackaroo. Michael wipes his mouth, disgusted, then the other Tunes show up.]

Elmer Fudd: Ooh, wook; is that Michael?

Sylvester: [Comes out from a manhole cover, rejoicing] It's Michael!

Granny: It's Air Jordan!

Taz: [Bursts from the mailbox] Basketball!

Tweety Bird: [Sees Michael down below from his nest in a tree] Ooh, I tawt I taw... [As he flies down from his nest] I did; I did tee Michael Dordan!

[All of the Tunes gather around Michael as he looks at them.]

Porky Pig: [Pulling out a pencil and autograph book] Eh, pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Eh, could I have your a-a-auto...your John Hancock, please?

Daffy Duck: [Shows up wearing a doctor's uniform] Back off! Let the doctor take a look.

[He pulls the lever, and Michael is lifted in the air as he sits on the chair. He looks down and sees the Tunes.]

Daffy Duck: Whoops. A little high.

Michael Jordan: [Shaking his head] No.

Daffy Duck: Going down! [Pulls the lever]

Michael Jordan: [Closing his eyes and yelling] No!

[He lands on the ground unharmed. The Tunes clap and hold up number signs giving him points.]

Daffy Duck: So, what do you say we go for a little spin? [He spins Michael around then stops the chair and looks in his ear with an otoscope] Hmm. Now let's see what we got inside here. [a bent paperclip and some earwax are seen]

Bugs Bunny: [Waving] Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

Daffy Duck: [Puts a thermometer in Michael's mouth] Say "Ahh"! [The thermometer swells and it explodes, then Daffy stamps an "A-OK" sign on Michael's forehead] All right, he's OK!

Michael Jordan: [expressionlessly] What's goin' on here?

Bugs Bunny: [Jumps on Michael's lap] Why, Michael, I thought you'd never ask. You see, these aliens come from outer space, and they wanna make us slaves in their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. But then they show up and they ain't so little. They're huge! We need to beat these guys. [Imagining himself being chained up and being forced to perform on stage] ‘Cause they're talkin' about slavery! Then they'll make us do stand-up comedy, the same jokes every night for all eternity. We're gonna be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm tryin' to say is... [Shouting] WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Michael Jordan: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now.

Bugs Bunny: [Sarcastically, pulls out a rabbit skull] Right, and I'm a Shakespearean actor. [Tosses the skull away]

[Meanwhile, back in the real world, Stan is staring down the golf hole where Michael disappeared through.]

Stan Podolak: Mike? Michael? It-it's Stan. Uh, Stan Podolak? Uh look, I-I need you to come out now, okay? Because uh, you-you got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid if you don't show up.

[As Stan looks in the golf hole, Bill and Larry leave the golf course.]

Larry Bird: You think Michael's all right? Boy, I hate to leave him like this.

Bill Murray: Aw, I'm sure he's fine. I think he just had to get away from that Stan character.

Larry Bird: God, he's pathetic, isn't he?

Bill Murray: Yeah. Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt.

Larry Bird: I think that's fair.

[Bill and Larry put their golf clubs in the cart and drive away.]

Bill Murray: Now, if Mike is gone, the NBA is gonna need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting kinda guy who could maybe even perform at halftime. Now, are you still tight with David Stern? I mean, a phone call from you...

---

[The Tunes take Michael to their gym.]

Michael Jordan: Look, I wanna help, but I haven't played basketball in a long time. My timing's all off.

Bugs Bunny: Eh, we'll fix your timing. Look at our facilities.

Daffy Duck: We got hoops! [Holding onto the hoop as it breaks as he falls to the ground]

Elmer Fudd: We got weights! [Taz is lifting weights, then it topples on two gophers]

Sylvester: We got balls! [Opens the locker and the balls pour out] Whoa!

Michael Jordan: You sure do; this place is a mess.

Daffy Duck: Mess? You're worried about a little mess? There's nothing a little spit shine wouldn't fix. [Shouting] Spit shine!

Sylvester: [Shouting] Spit shine!

[The Tunes start spitting all over the gym floor as Michael gets disgusted. Then Taz picks up two mops and starts spinning around with them, wiping up the place. The entire gym is clean, and Taz stops.]

Taz: : [after he finished cleaning the gym] Lemony fresh.

---

Michael Jordan: You guys are nuts.

Porky Pig: [Stammering] Eh, c-correction, we're L-L-Looney Tunes.

Daffy Duck: [Lifting his butt up, showing the Warner Bros. logo on it] And as such, are the exclusive property and trademark of Warner Bros. Inc. [Kisses the logo]

[Suddenly, they hear a rumbling noise. They turn to the doors all around and then the Monstars come in. Nawt comes in with a snarl, Pound comes in with a thundering roar and Bupkus and Bang break down the doors]

Bupkus: I'm here!

Blanko: [Opens the doors and comes in] Me too. [Hits his head against the hoop glass and holds his face] That hurt!

[The Monstars approach Michael and the Tunes growling and snarling as Michael looks at them]

Michael Jordan: Who are these guys?

Bugs Bunny: Well, uh, remember the tiny aliens I told ya about?

Michael Jordan: [Understands] Oh.

Pound: [To Michael] You've heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the mean team, wussy man.

Bupkus: Wussy man.

Michael Jordan: Wussy man?

Nawt: [Jumps on Pound's shoulder] We're the Monstars, M O N... Uh... [Pound smiles at Nawt, then he turned to face Michael]

Pound: [Challenging Michael] Let's see what ya got, chump. [Tosses him a basketball]

Michael Jordan: [matter-of-factly] I don't play basketball anymore. [Tosses the ball back to a miffed Pound and Bupkus steps in]

Bupkus: [mocking Michael] I don't play basketball anymore. [Laughing with Pound and Nawt then Bang steps in]

Bang: [Smiling and shrugging] Maybe you're chicken. [Clucking and flapping his arms like a chicken]

Foghorn Leghorn: [Offended] I say, I resemble that remark.

Michael Jordan: You callin' me chicken?

Pound: [Pointing at Michael] Hey! Come here!

[Pound grabs Michael then he scrunches him into a basketball while chuckling meanly]

Pound: [To Nawt] Here ya go, take him! [Tosses Michael to Nawt]

Nawt: [Catching Michael and dribbling him faster] Watch the footwork! Can you believe it?

[Nawt shoots Michael and he goes above the Tunes burning their heads]

Bang: [Catching Michael] Get out of the way! [Slam dunks Michael and the glass broke from the hoop]

[Michael goes down as he dribbles and moans in pain as the Tunes look at him with worry.]

Pound: [Mockingly, to the Tunes] Hey, everybody, look at your hero now! [Snickering with his pals]

[Michael unrolls back to his normal shape, the Tunes approach Michael looking at him with pity and the Monstars snicker at him looking at him meanly]

Michael Jordan: [Dusting himself off] You guys are makin' a big mistake.

Bang: [Pointing at Michael] You're all washed up, baldy!

Michael Jordan: [Offended] Baldy?

Tweety Bird: [Angrily flying up to Bang's face] He is not washed up! Michael's the gweatest ever!

Bang: [Annoyed] Shaddup! [Flicks Tweety like a bug]

[Tweety hits the wall, he slides down and moans in pain as Michael picks him up in his hand.]

Tweety: My poor wittle cwanium.

Michael Jordan: [Concerned] Are you okay?

Blanko: [Concerned pushing Bang and Bupkus aside] Yeah, are you okay? [Leaning into camera]

Bang and Bupkus: [Pulling Blanko Angrily] Hey! [Glaring at him for being friendly]

Blanko: Whoops.

Tweety: [Teary eyed] You're not... scared of them, are you, Michael?

[Michael looks at Tweety and thinks for a moment. The Monstars look at Michael smiling and chuckling evilly. The Tunes get nervous waiting for Michael's answer, Michael stands up and he looks at them; he made up his mind.]

Michael Jordan: Let's play some basketball.

Looney Tunes: [Cheering] Yeah!

---

[Back in the real world, teenage girls are playing basketball and Charles Barkley walks by. Chris Rock and Barry White's "Basketball Jones" plays. He sees the girls, he stops and watches them play. A girl gets the ball and looks up at Charles Barkley, she couldn't believe her eyes.]

Teenage girl: [Surprised] You're... You're Charles Barkley. [Charles nods]

Teenage girl #2: Who you talkin' to?

Teenage girl: [Calling to her friends] Girls, come on over. Hurry up, hurry. Look! It's Charles Barkley.

Charles Barkley: Hey, can I play?

Teenage girls: [Agreeing] Sure!

[Charles smiles and goes in, the girl passes the ball to him and he dribbles it. The girl shoots it and she passes to Charles. He prepares to shoot it but the girl knocks the ball out of his hands.]

Teenage girl: You're not Charles Barkley. Just a wannabe who looks like him. Sorry. Break out. You shouldn't even be here! Be gone. Wannabe! Be gone!

[Charles leaves; then the camera switches to the hospital where the four NBA players are walking with the doctor.]

Doctor: Just a few more tests, gentlemen. Tests for electrolyte levels, glucose, CBC's, RBC's, et cetera. and we've scheduled a 12-lead stress test and neurological battery to include EEG, the reflex test...

[As the doctor continues talking, Patrick, Larry and Shawn hit their heads on the doorway and fall backwards. In the therapist's office Charles talks to the psychiatrist.]

Charles Barkley: And t-this girl... 5 feet nothin'... blocked my shot.

Psychiatrist: When did you first start having this dream?

Charles Barkley: It wasn't a dream! It really happened!

[The four NBA players keep going through tests and talked to the doctors.]

Larry Johnson: [Stands up] And it climbed up my back, and into my brain.

[Back at the Psychiatrist's office, it's Patrick's turn. Barry White and Chris Rock's "Basketball Jones" plays in the background]

Psychiatrist: Are there any other areas, besides basketball...where you find yourself...

Barry White's voice: Yeah.

Psychiatrist: ...unable to perform?

Barry White's voice: Yeah, yeah.

Patrick Ewing: [Sits up, irritated] No!

Psychiatrist: Just asking.

[Back at the hospital, they continue doing tests and the four NBA players are in wheelchairs.]

Larry Johnson: I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-rayed, laser beamed...

[In a church, Charles is praying to the Lord to all the mistakes he made.]

Charles Barkley: I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash-talk.

[At the Psychiatrist's office, Larry talks to the Psychiatrist and then it's Shawn's turn.]

Shawn Bradley: I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm.

Psychiatrist: Really?

Shawn Bradley: Or maybe... I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again. [Then it's Muggsy's turn]

Muggsy Bogues: What are you sayin'? That I'm tryna disobey my mama?

Psychiatrist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.

Muggsy Bogues: But I love my mama.

Patrick Ewing: Still can't find anything wrong wit us.

Muggsy Bogues: Hey, maybe there's nothin' wrong wit us.

Larry Johnson: That's right, Muggs. Maybe it's just in our heads.

Muggsy Bogues: We're fine. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or somethin' to do with the moon or the alignment of the planet.

[Back in the church, Charles is still praying.]

Charles Barkley: I'll never go out with Madonna again.

[Back at the golf course, Stan is digging through the hole where Michael went through. A golfer goes to him and sees what he's doing. Stan is surrounded by dirt.]

Golfer: What are you doin'?

Stan Podolak: [Stops and sees him] I'm, uh...I'm fixing a divot.

Golfer: Oh. [Walking back and yelling to his friends] He's fixing a divot!

[Stan continues digging as the golfer leaves.]

---

[Back in Looney Tune Land, the Tunes are practicing in the gym, but they're messing and fooling around as Michael watches. Sam shoots the ball in the air and it flies, then it hits Daffy in the butt and he falls to the ground. Wile E. picks up the ball then Road Runner comes and takes it from him. Road Runner crashes through the wall, Wile E. sees this and goes after him, he hits the hole and slides up like a blind. Michael shakes his head.]

Michael Jordan: Has anyone here ever played basketball?

[A girl rabbit comes in. This is Lola Bunny and the Tunes turn around and see her.]

Lola Bunny: Um, I have! I'd like to try out for the team.

[Bugs sees Lola then stares quickly at the attractive female rabbit in awe from her face to whole body and becomes excited at her appearance]

Bugs Bunny: Hey?

Lola Bunny: Hi. My name is Lola Bunny.

Bugs Bunny: Lola? [Shaking her hand]

Lola Bunny: [Giggling] Yes?

Bugs Bunny: Hello. Eh, my name is... [Belches] Bugs! [Lola giggles and he clears his throat] You wanna play a little one on one, doll?

Lola Bunny: [Offended, with fire in her eyes] Doll?

Bugs Bunny: [Hearts in his eyes] Uh-huh.

Lola Bunny: On the court... Bugs.

Bugs Bunny: Sure.

Tweety Bird: Ooh! She's hot. [Touches his rear and steam appears with a hissing sound]

[Michael smiled at him and the tunes watch as Bugs and Lola play together.]

Lola Bunny: Ready? [Dribbling the ball]

Bugs Bunny: Yes. [Trying to block her] I got it! I got it!

[Before he could get the ball, Lola spins him around and winds him up in a knot. She dribbles the ball and slam dunks it. The Tunes are impressed with her skills.]

Michael Jordan: [Impressed] The girl's got some skills. [Tweety nods in agreement]

Bugs Bunny: [Sees Lola walking up to him] Yes?

Lola Bunny: [Pulls him to her face] Don't ever call me...doll. [Blows the ears out of her face]

Bugs Bunny: Check. [falls to the ground and the sound of wood is heard as he hits the floor]

Lola Bunny: [Heading for the door] Hey, nice playin' with ya. [The Tunes smile at her as she leaves]

Michael Jordan: Very smooth.

Bugs Bunny: [Shrugging] Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me.

Michael Jordan: Obviously.

Pepe Le Pew: [Holding the ball] Mais oui.

Michael Jordan: OK, where's the ball? [Pepe passes the ball to him] Let's do some drills.

[The Tunes murmur in agreement. Michael's foot gets stuck to the floor. He pulls hard and then he falls to the ground.]

Michael Jordan: Anyone lend me a pair of sneakers?

Bugs Bunny: Uh, sneakers?

[They all look down on their feet and they're all bare footed, except Yosemite Sam.]

Tweety Bird: [Wiggling his foot] Sowwy.

Michael Jordan: Someone's gonna have to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.

Daffy Duck: To your house? [Spitting] In 3-D land?

Michael Jordan: Yeah, whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy Duck: Your shorts? From college?

Michael Jordan: I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Looney Tunes: [Disgusted] Eww!

Michael Jordan: Hey! I washed them after every game.

Daffy Duck: [Scoffs] Yeah!

Sylvester: Sure!

Michael Jordan: I did!

Porky Pig: Gross!

---

[Back in the real world, it is nighttime. Daffy and Bugs are under the grass.]

Daffy Duck: The view back here stinks! [they stop digging]

Bugs Bunny: [Stops and sees the house] Whoa! [Bumps into Daffy]

Daffy Duck: Ow! What?

Bugs Bunny: We're right in front of Michael's house.

Daffy Duck: I knew that.

Bugs Bunny: Shh! Okay, let's go in dis way.

Daffy Duck: I say, let's go in that way!

[They go in different directions. Bugs goes into the house and Daffy goes into the backyard.]

Bugs Bunny: He just never loins.

[Bugs goes in the house, and Daffy heads to the backyard.]

Daffy Duck: Now let me see. I must be very, very close. [Lights up a lighter and sees Charles, who is growling at him.] [Nervously] Mother...

[Outside the doghouse, it shakes and Daffy screams as Charles attacks him. Inside the house, Bugs comes out from under the rug humming.]

Bugs Bunny: Nice digs. [As he fixes the rug, he hears knocking on the door.] Well, well. I wonder who dat could be?

[Bugs opens the door and Daffy comes in.]

Daffy Duck: [Dizzy] Twinkle, twinkle, little star... [Falls down]

Bugs Bunny: Shh. [Whispering] Everyone's sleeping.

Daffy Duck: [Gets up] I knew that.

Bugs Bunny: [Closes the front door] Come on, come on. We gotta find Michael's basketball stuff.

[They walk down the hall to look for the basketball gear.]

Bugs Bunny: [Opens the right door and peaks] Nope. Nothin' in here. [Closes the door]

Daffy Duck: [Opens the left door and peaks] Nope. Ahh, but a very nice dinette set. [Closes the door]

Bugs Bunny: [Peaks through another door] Eh-eh. Not here. [Closes the door] Let's look upstairs.

Daffy Duck: Yes. Oh, fearless leader.

[They both go upstairs. They open the first door slowly, it is Jasmine's bedroom.]

Daffy Duck: So, he needs his special underwear... [Sees Jasmine sleeping]

Bugs Bunny: Shh!

Daffy Duck: [Quietly] Sorry. You think she's got enough toys?

Bugs Bunny: Speakin' of toys, you know all of those mugs and, uh, t-shoits and lunchboxes wit our pictures on 'em?

Daffy Duck: Yeah.

[As they talk, Jasmine wakes up and sees shadows of Bugs and Daffy. The two leave the room.]

Bugs Bunny: You, uh, ever see any money from all that stuff?

Daffy Duck: [Scoffs] Not a cent.

Bugs Bunny: Hmm, me neither.

[Jasmine gets out of her bed, wanting to see them.]

Daffy Duck: [Sighs] It's a cryin' shame. We gotta get new agents. We're gettin' screwed.

[They go inside the room at the end of the hall and close the door. Jasmine sees the door close and smiles.]

Bugs Bunny: We have found the trophy room! Now spread out and soich the place.

Daffy Duck: [Bows] Yes, sahib. Oh brother. [Turns on the lamp, muttering to himself] Here I am, in the peak of my form, playin' second banana to some sort of harebrain...

Bugs Bunny: Yap, yap, yap. [Sees the North Carolina bag] Hmm. This could be useful. Aha! [Grabs the bag]

Daffy Duck: [Digging out the drawers from the dresser] If this were a union job, I'd... Yes, that's very nice.

Bugs Bunny: Hmm. [Sees the sneaker] Oh, one of his shoes. [Puts the sneaker in the bag and looks around] Where is that other shoe? [Singsongy] Where are you? [Sees the sneaker on the stand] Eureka! [Gets the chair and climbs on it] Come to papa.

[As Bugs climbs up, Jasmine peaks in and sees them.]

Bugs Bunny: [Nearly slips and the trophy falls] Oops!

Daffy Duck: [Annoyed] What a fuzz foot. You are so clumsy!

Bugs Bunny: [Reaches the shoe and pushes it off] Catch, feather head.

Daffy Duck: [Catches it with the bag] Thanks.

[Then Jasmine leaves to tell her brothers. As she walks away, Daffy and Bugs are about to leave.]

Bugs Bunny: Well, time to go.

Daffy Duck: Did we get everything?

Daffy and Bugs: [Realizing] The shorts!

Bugs Bunny: [Sees the door to the closet] In there?

Daffy Duck: [Walks to the door] Okay, I'll check. [Opens the door, and sees Charles growling at him, who has the shorts in his mouth, then Daffy closes the door and gets scared] I found... the shorts. [Then Charles breaks down the door and makes it fall on Daffy.] [Dizzy; coming out from the door] The pain. [Then he runs up to Bugs] I'm right behind ya, pal.

Bugs Bunny: Uh, that's none too reassurin'.

Daffy Duck: Nice puppy. [Pulls out a bone] How's about a bone? [Charles doesn't take it] No dice.

[As Charles corners Bugs and Daffy menacingly, Jasmine, Marcus, and Jeff peek through the door, and they see what's going on.]

Bugs Bunny: [Pulls out a ham] What about a nice holiday ham? [Charles doesn't take it either] He ain't buyin' it. Uh, can't we talk this over, rover?

Daffy Duck: [Hugging Bugs, scared] Roll over, Beethoven.

Bugs Bunny: [Sees the kids] Ooh! The kids are here.

[The kids come in the room, and Jeff grabs the shorts.]

Jeffrey Jordan: Give it to me, Charles!

[Charles is snarling and won't let go of the shorts at first, but he pulls it out of Charles' mouth, and he gives the shorts to Bugs.]

Jeffrey Jordan: Here you go, Bugs.

Bugs Bunny: [Chuckling] Thanks, kid. [Gives him a thumbs up]

Marcus Jordan: [To Charles] Shoo! Shoo!

[Charles whimpers and leaves the room.]

Daffy Duck: Bad dog! That is the last time I'm ever working with dogs or children!

Bugs Bunny: [Walking away] Bye-bye.

Jeffrey Jordan: [Stops them] Hey, where you goin'?

Bugs Bunny: Well, uh, you see, the Looney Tunes have a big basketball game comin' up, and uh, your dad's gonna play.

Jeffrey Jordan: All right!

Bugs Bunny: Yeah! But don't tell anybody. [Jeff nods his head, Bugs and Daffy leave the house.]

[Meanwhile, the four NBA players are at a fortune teller. They sit next to her, holding hands. She is humming while looking at her crystal ball.]

Fortune teller: I see aliens. Little aliens from outer space. They force their way inside your bodies. They need your talent to win a... basketball game against... Bugs Bunny.

Patrick Ewing: [Whispering] Bugs Bunny?

Fortune teller: I also see Michael Jordan... being sucked down a golf hole... by furry creatures.

Patrick Ewing: [Gets up from the chair] That's it. We're outta here.

Larry Johnson: We're leavin' now.

Shawn Bradley: Let's try some acupuncture.

Muggsy Bogues: Good idea. [To Fortune teller] Bye.

[Back at the golf course, Stan has stopped digging through the golf hole. It is enormous.]

Stan Podolak: This is it! This is it! I don't know where you are, Michael, but wherever you are, you obviously enjoy bein' there more than spendin' time with me!

[Bugs and Daffy are walking by, but they don't see him.]

Daffy Duck: You better hope this Jordan character still knows how to play hoops.

Bugs Bunny: You and me both, brudda.

[As they talk, Stan hears them and notices them. He drops the shovel and spies on them as they walk by.]

Daffy Duck: Listen, how's this for a new team name? The Ducks!

Bugs Bunny: Please. What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team The Ducks?

Daffy Duck: So sue me, It's just a suggestion.

[Daffy takes the flagpole off a golf hole and they both dive in the hole. Stan sees them and runs to follow them.]

---

[Meanwhile in Looney Tune Land and in the gym, the Tunes are working out while watching a Richard Simmons workout video.]

Richard Simmons on TV: You're doin' it! You're becoming mighty! Go!

Porky Pig: Come on guys. No pain, no gain.

Richard Simmons on TV: I don't hear it! What is it?!

Foghorn Leghorn: Come on.

Porky Pig: Come on.

Richard Simmons on TV: Now shake it! Keep on sweating!

[As they work out, Bugs comes in.]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, guys?

Looney Tunes: Yes?

Bugs Bunny: Look who's finally ready to play.

[The Tunes look on with awe as Michael comes in wearing basketball clothes.]

Michael Jordan: Let's see if I remember how to do this.

[[w:Seal (musician)|Seal]'s "Fly Like an Eagle" plays. Michael starts practicing his moves and the Tunes are impressed that Michael is back in business. He keeps slam dunking the ball in the hoop. Then Stan arrives clapping and smiling.]

Stan Podolak: [happily] Michael! [Michael stops and turns to see him.] Is it really you?! Oh! [Runs up to him and hugs him happily.] Thank God you're all right! You're all right! Oh! I was so worried!

Michael Jordan: [Annoyed] Come on, Stan. Don't hug me, please.

Stan Podolak: [Stops hugging] Sorry.

Michael Jordan: What are you doin' here?

Stan Podolak: I-I-I gotta take you back. You got baseball practice.

Michael Jordan: I can't. I'm helpin' my friends in their basketball game.

[Stan turns to see the Tunes who are smiling and waving at him.]

Stan Podolak: Uh, Michael, do you know that your friends are cartoon characters?

Michael Jordan: Yeah. so?

Stan Podolak: No, no. Doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me. Let me help! Let me help! I can help, I can help! Let me help!

Michael Jordan: What can you do?

Stan Podolak: [Takes the ball and dribbles] Well, you know what I mean. I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.

Sylvester: [Moves his belly] And large.

Daffy: And a dork.

Stan Podolak: I'll do anything, Michael! Anything!

Michael Jordan: Anything?

Stan Podolak: Anything.

Michael Jordan: [Escorts Stan to the benches] Come here. Come here for a second. Sit right here.

[Tweety is sitting down by Granny on the benches.]

Stan Podolak: Okay. [He's about to sit on Tweety and he moves out of the way. He blows a raspberry at Stan.]

Michael Jordan: Okay?

Stan Podolak: Okay. No problem. [Clapping] All right! All right! Let's go, team! [Chuckling, to Granny] Y'know, if somebody gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes.

Granny: [Holding out pompons] I'm a cheerleader.

[Meanwhile, back in the real world and at the Great Western Forum, Inglewood, California, there are police cars, fire trucks, and owners around the building. The entire building is covered in a huge sheet. It is being fumigated. Then a limo pulls up and the NBA Commissioner comes out and the reporters gather around him.]

Foreman: Mr. Commissioner, we've got the place sealed off.

Commissioner: [To reporters] Quiet! Ladies and gentlemen, please, quiet! Listen, after meeting with team owners, I have decided that until we can guarantee the health and safety of our NBA players, there will be no more basketball this season.

[Then the Commissioner walks away, as the reporters are shouting for him and taking pictures.]

[Back in Looney Tune Land a sign says "Tonight: The Ultimate Game". The cars are in heavy traffic. The spotlights are shining around the arena. Inside the dome, the Tunes are getting ready for the big game.]

Lola Bunny: [Taping her hand] Yes!

[Bugs puts his shorts on and makes his tail come out from behind, Elmer ties a bandana to his head and growls. Taz is having trouble getting his jersey on, so he spins around and rips it up and only half to a little of it remains. Sylvester and Tweety are doing jump roping and Tweety jumps off and puts Eye black on his face. Daffy puts on an armor helmet and uses random things around him.]

Daffy Duck: Just get out of my way.

[Michael puts on his jersey. It says Tune Squad; he looks at his team.]

Michael Jordan: Ready?

Looney Tunes: Yeah! Yes!

Michael Jordan: Let's go.

[In the arena of the court, the crowd is cheering and booing as Swackhammer and his Nerdluck slaves have arrived to watch the game; then he walks to his seat. Technotronic's "Pump up the Jam" plays]

Swackhammer: Are these the best seats? I like 'em, yes! I can see everything from here. Very good.

[The camera zooms into the announcement box. The announcer is asleep, then Hubie and Bertie pull the cord of the microphone and do the announcing.]

Bertie: Okey-doke, ready to go?

Hubie: [Pushing Bertie out of the way] Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Riot! [clears throat then uses a sportscaster-style voice] Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Tune Squad. Standing 2-foot-4, the Wonder from Down Under, the Tasmanian Dev-vil!

[Taz appears with two balls in his hands, he hits them in the air and they land in his mouth and the balls pop. He spins around the court as the crowd cheers.]

Hubie: At Small Forward, standing a scintillating 3-foot-2, the Heartthrob of the Hoops, Lola Bun-nee!

[Charlie the dog from the crowd passes the ball to Lola. She catches it and dribbles it, then she spins it around with her finger.]

Hubie: At Power Forward, the Quackster of the Court, Daffy Duck!

Daffy Duck: [Running to the court] Thank you! Thank you!

[The crowd is silent, the crickets chirp and Daffy is not happy about it.]

Daffy Duck: [disappointed but sarcastically] Very funny. Let's all laugh at the duck.

Hubie: And at Point Guard, standing 3-foot-3...4 feet if you include the ears [the audience dons rabbit ears], "Co-Captain of the Tune Squad", "the Doctor of Delight", Bugs Bun-nee!

Bugs Bunny: [Pops out of the floor] Thank you! Thank you!

[The crowd cheers, and the Nerdluck slaves from Swackhammer's stand boo and jeer at Bugs.]

Hubie: And now the player-coach of the Tune Squad, at 6-foot-6, from North Carolina, His Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!

[The crowd cheers as Michael smiles and runs to the court to his teammates, Swackhammer watches Michael as he holds one of his slaves in his hand.]

Swackhammer: [Confused] Who? Is he a Looney Tune?

Nerdluck Slave: [Stammers nervously] Uh, uh, well, perhaps.

[On the court, Michael and the Tunes huddle up and they put their hands on top of each other.]

Michael Jordan: You guys ready?

Daffy Duck: I'm set to take the rack, Jack!

Tweety: Those Monstars will wish they never been born!

Michael Jordan: Guys, let's just go out and have fun.

Looney Tunes: Yeah!

Hubie: The challengers for the Ultimate Game, all the way from Moron Mountain, The Monstars!

[The Monstars run on the court singing B-Real of Cypress Hill, Busta Rhymes, Coolio, LL Cool J & Method Man's Hit 'em High as Michael looks on. Bang and Bupkus do a body slam, Pound thumps his chest like a gorilla, Blanko and Nawt bump each other's chest. The Nerdluck slaves cheer for the Monstars.]

Nerdluck Slaves: Go Monstars! Go Monstars! Go, Monstars! Go, go!

[The crowd boos at the Monstars, Michael approaches them as the spotlights turn off. Bang growls at him and Michael shakes his head.]

Bang: What are you lookin' at?

[Pound growls at Taz, he gulps and faints. Michael gets into his position as Lola and Bugs run into their positions, Blanko approaches Michael as he gets into his position.]

Blanko: [Chuckling] Cool shoes.

[Marvin the Martian approaches them with the ball, Blanko and Michael both look at him.]

Marvin the Martian: Ready?

[Marvin throws the ball in the air, Blanko and Michael jump up then Michael gets it and hits it away from Blanko. The game is on! Pound jumps up to catch the ball but misses it. Bugs catches the ball and dribbles it.]

Bugs Bunny: I got it, I got it, I got it! I got the ball, I got the ball! Yipe!

Bang: [Backhanding Bugs] Comin' through little boys! [Bugs slides on the floor.]

Michael Jordan: [Sees Bugs hurt] Ooh.

[Bugs is seeing stars, Pound has the ball; he jumps up to the hoop and slam dunks into the hoop, Two points for the Monstars.]

Swackhammer: [Cheering, to the Monstars] Way to go, boys! [To slaves] Did ya see the moves on that one?

[Marvin passes the ball to Taz, and he passes the ball to Michael. He runs for the hoop but Pound, Bang, Bupkus, and Nawt block his way as they start to taunt him.]

Bupkus: [Taunting] Come on, come on, show me somethin'.

Nawt: Whatcha got?

[Michael tries to shoot but Pound keeps blocking his way, so he passes the ball to Daffy.]

Daffy Duck: [Catches the ball] Whoops!

Bupkus: [Pointing at Daffy] The duck!

Pound: Yeah, beat up on the duck, man!

[Daffy gets scared and looks around, the Monstars charge at him. Without thinking, Daffy passes the ball to Granny who is sitting on the bench with Stan. Granny catches the ball and gets scared as the Monstars see her and charge at her, the Monstars jump on Granny and Stan. Michael sees this and Granny gets hurt.]

Granny: [Dizzy, seeing birds] Oh, my.

Daffy Duck: [To Lola who is glaring at him, smiling] She was wide open!

[Lola shakes her head and walks away. It's the Monstars ball; Pound passes the ball to Nawt, he dribbles it and Lola tries to stop him, but Nawt spins past her and passes the ball to Bupkus. Then Bupkus slam dunks, earning two more points. Michael has the ball and he runs through the court, dribbling.]

Nawt: [Trying to block Michael] Watch the screen. Comin' your way. Comin' your way. Watch out!

Bang: Come on, get him!

[Pound and Bang try to stop Michael, but he jumps and slam dunks. He scores the first points for the Tune Squad. At Swackhammer's stand, the Nerdluck slaves give Swackhammer a massage and sees that Michael scored.]

Swackhammer: [Surprised] How did he do that? [Slam his fist down angrily]

[Back on the court, the Monstars have the ball. Porky runs up to Michael.]

Porky Pig: Er, nice shot, Mr. J-J-Jordan.

Michael Jordan: [Sees Nawt with ball] Hey, hey, hey come on. Get back on defense!

[Nawt passes the ball to Bupkus and he slams it to the hoop earning two more points.]

Swackhammer: [Cheering] Way to go!

Bugs Bunny: MJ! MJ! [Passing the ball to Michael and he catches it, he looks up to see the Monstars staring down at him]

Monstars: Red light!

Tweety: Feed me! Feed me!

Sylvester: [Grabbing Tweety] Feed you? Feed me! [Puts Tweety in his mouth, Michael passes the ball to Sylvester, hitting his stomach which made him spit out Tweety.]

Tweety: [Lands on the ground] Bad ol' putty tat!

Pound: [Picking up the ball] I'll take that, thank you. [Runs up to the hoop] Don't try this at home! [Jumps up and slam dunks it.]

Foghorn Leghorn: [Singing while dribbling the ball] I wish I was in the land of cotton...

Bang: [Blocking Foghorn's way] You goin' somewhere?

Foghorn Leghorn: May I remind you, sir, that physical violence is patently against- [Before he could finish, Bang leans back then breathes fire like a dragon and burns Foghorn to a crisp.]

Foghorn Leghorn: Yeow! [Quoting the old KFC saying] Did you order original recipe or extra crispy? [Dissolves into ashes as Bang looks on smiling meanly.]

[The buzzer goes off and it goes to the second period. Michael goes to the bench to pick out another player. He looks around and picks one.]

Michael Jordan: Let's go.

Sniffles: [happily] Me? [Running to the court] Oh boy! I'm ready! I can do this!

Stan Podolak: [Confused] Mouse? You picked the mouse?

[The Tunes laugh at this. Sniffles runs to Blanko, he looks at Sniffles while holding the ball in his hands. Sniffles stops to talk to Blanko.]

Sniffles: I love basketball. I've always loved basketball. Do you love basketball?

Blanko: Uh-huh.

Sniffles: [Continuing] You're big. I bet you're good at basketball.

Blanko: [Listening to Sniffles] Right.

Sniffles: I'm small, but I'll try really hard to be good at basketball. Really, I will.

Blanko: Okay. Yeah.

Sniffles: I always try hard, my mom always says. "Try your best at everything you do-" Oh!

[Before Sniffles could finish Blanko drops the ball on him which causes the crowd to gasp in shock. Lola has the ball and she dribbles it to the hoop, but Pound and Bang get in her way.]

Pound: [Jeering] Try to get by me, doll!

Lola: Doll?

[Lola jumps up and dribbles Pound's face with her feet, Pound reacts in surprise upon seeing her slam dunk along with Bang. She scored and the Tunes cheer for her.]

Lola: Don't ever call me... [Blows the ears out of her face] doll. [Pound looks at her dumbfounded]

Bugs: [High fives Lola] Nice shot!

Lola: Thanks, Bugs.

Bupkus: [Confused seeing Michael block him] Hmm?

Pound: [To Michael] Where's your defense, boy? [Grabs and spins Michael around] I gotcha right here!

Bupkus: [Jumping up to the hoop] 911! [Slam dunks and earned two more points]

[At Swackhammer's stand his Nerdluck slaves serve him food and Swackhammer doesn't notice; he smiled and chuckled evilly as he watched the Monstars score.]

Nerdluck Slave: [Serving Swackhammer food] Piece of pie? Pork chop? Some sorbet perhaps?

Bang: [Slam dunking the ball] In your face! [The crowd boos as the Monstars continue to score, and on the scoreboard on the Monstars' side is going up like a casino machine and it says "Kinda one-sided, isn't it?" then Pound jumps up letting out a yell and makes one more slam dunk before the time runs out.]

Marvin the Martian: [Shooting his laser gun] Half time. [He turns to see Sylvester coughing and he sees there's a hole in his chest.]

Tweety: [Flying through a hole] Holy putty tat! [Sylvester feels annoyed.]

[The Tunes get sad, thinking they'll lose. The Monstars celebrate their first half victory as they high five each other.]

Bupkus: Yeah, man. We got it goin'. One more half.

Pound: Right man. We got 'em.

Sylvester: [Sadly] Moron Mountain, here we come.

Elmer Fudd: We're gonna be swaves.

Michael Jordan: Come on guys, keep your heads up. We got another half to play.

[As the Tunes and Michael go to their locker room, Stan stops as he sees the Monstars go to their locker room. He decides to find out how they got big in the first place, he follows them to their locker room. The Monstars charge into their locker room, Pound falls on the floor and Blanko steps on his head but he didn't mind; he gets up and joins his friends. Bang and Bupkus high five each other as they laugh, Bang pulls Pound into a noogie, but their celebration was cut short as they're shocked upon seeing Swackhammer enter the locker room.]

Bupkus: It's the boss! [Swackhammer lights his cigar.]

Monstars: Hello, Mr. Swackhammer.

Swackhammer: All right. Not bad for the first half, but we gotta keep this up.

Pound: [Gleefully, shrugging] Hey, no problem. We stole the- [Before he could finish, Nawt interrupted]

Nawt: [Talking fast to Swackhammer] We stole the talent, boss, from the best players in the NBA. [Grabbing Swackhammer's lapels]

[Stan is hiding in the big locker and overheard what Nawt said to Swackhammer]

Stan Podolak: [Shocked and softly] From the NBA?

Nawt: [Continuing] It was then uh, uh, uh Grandmama, wasn't it Larry Johnson?

Swackhammer: [Annoyed, shoving Nawt away] Shut up! [Sniffs the air] I smell something.

Blanko: [Sniffing his armpit, thinking it was him] Uh, we have been playing really hard.

Monstars: [Agreeing with Blanko] Yeah!

Swackhammer: [To Blanko] Not you, you idiot! [Looks over to the lockers] It’s comin' from over here.

[Stan's eyes widen with fear knowing they can smell him, he sees Blanko outside and sniffs the locker.]

Pound: That locker!

Monstars: [Agreeing with Pound] Yeah!

[Blanko pulls and breaks the locker open. They all gather around him and look at him menacingly.]

Bang: [Pointing at Stan] Look!

Stan Podolak: [Crying scared] Don't!

Bang: It’s the chubby boy!

Swackhammer: [Pushing Pound and Bang aside and sees Stan] Ah... it smells like a spy!

Stan Podolak: [Chuckling nervously] You guys need a publicist? I can make you big. [Squeaks fearfully as they corner him.]

---

[In the Tune Squad's locker room, they're still feeling sad about losing, but Michael is not giving up.]

Michael Jordan: Look, I know we're down.

Daffy Duck: [Sarcastically] Oh yeah, let's hear the story.

Michael Jordan: But I've been in this situation many times before.

Daffy Duck: Oh, this is a piece of work.

Michael Jordan: We can still win this thing. It's not over with. We gotta come together.

Daffy Duck: [Rolling his eyes] Oh yeah.

Michael Jordan: We gotta believe in ourselves. We can come back and win this game.

Daffy Duck: [Bored] Yeah, right. that's gonna help us.

[They hear knocking on the door, they turn to see Stan who is charred, and he moans in pain.]

Daffy Duck: Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug zapper.

Stan Podolak: [Walking in] The Monstars... the Monstars! [Coughing]

[Michael and the Tunes look at him with sorrow and Stan falls on the floor.]

Lola Bunny: Oh, my!

Daffy Duck: Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Michael Jordan: [Helping Stan up with Bugs] You all right, Stan?

Stan Podolak: The Monstars! The Monstars... stole the talent from the NBA players!

[The Tunes gasp in shock as Stan sits down and they groan in worry.]

Michael Jordan: [Realizing] So that's what happened to those guys.

Porky Pig: I think we should q-q-q-qui... forfeit.

Looney Tunes: [Agreeing with Porky] Yeah!

Michael Jordan: [To Porky] Listen. I didn't get dragged down here just to get my butt whipped by a bunch of ugly Monstars. I ain't goin' out like that. We're lettin' 'em push us around!

[Bugs is humming while filling a bottle with water from the sink and writes on a note on it.]

Michael Jordan: [Continuing] We gotta fight 'em back! We gotta take it to them! We gotta get right in their faces! So, what do you say? Are you with me or not?

[The Tunes fell asleep except Bugs. He walks to Michael while shaking the water bottle.]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, finished? Eh, great speech and all, doc. Eh, you had 'em riveted. But uh, didn't ya forget somethin'?

Michael Jordan: What?

Bugs Bunny: [Showing Michael a bottle that says "Michael's Secret Stuff"] Your secret stuff.

[Bugs drinks the water, and the Tunes wake up feeling surprised and see Bugs as a muscled man. He moves around flexing them and rips his jersey. The Tunes feel impressed.]

Lola Bunny: [Awed] Wow!

Daffy Duck: [Impressed] Whoa, nice deltoids!

Bugs Bunny: [Winking and Flexing] Play along!

[Michael takes the bottle and looks at it. Then Bugs grabs it and tries to get it away from Michael.]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, stop hogging it, Mike. We're your teammates!

[The bottle went flying to Porky and drinks it.]

Elmer Fudd: "Seecwet" stuff?

Daffy Duck: Secret stuff?

Sylvester: You wouldn't hold out on us, would ya?

Michael Jordan: No. I mean, I didn't think you guys really needed it. I mean... you're so tough, and competitive.

Foghorn Leghorn: We're also chicken, son. [To Sylvester and Wile E. who are fighting over the bottle] We need it bad. [Drinks the water]

Sylvester: Hey!

[Foghorn then passes it to Daffy.]

Stan Podolak: [Stands up] Uh, I'd like a sip of that.

Daffy Duck: [Catches the bottle] Yeah!

Lola Bunny: Could I have a sip please?

Daffy Duck: You know, this goes against everything they taught me in health class.

Michael Jordan: [Looking at Daffy] Do you wanna win or not?

Daffy Duck: Bottoms up. [Drinks the water and gives it to Stan] Yummy.

Michael Jordan: All right, how 'bout we go out and kick some alien butt, huh? [Michael and the Tunes all put their hands together] Let's go. All right. Ready?

Looney Tunes: Yeah!

[They jump up and head out the door. Stan tries to drink the secret stuff, but it's already empty.]

---

[Michael and the Tunes run out and onto the court. The crowd cheers loudly as they see the team. Bang and Daffy growl at each other. Taz leans in close to camera, and Porky growls with Bupkus. They are ready for comeback. It's the Monstars ball and Bang passes the ball to Pound.]

Pound: Open! [Catching the ball and exclaiming, Bugs is riding a moped and dressed like a mailman.]

Bugs: [Stealing the ball] Coming through!

Pound: [Surprised] Whoa!

Michael Jordan: [Running while Nawt runs after him] Bugs! [Bugs stops and holds the ball]

Bugs Bunny: [Throwing the ball to Michael] Special delivery!

[Michael slam dunks and scores as the Tunes cheer.]

Swackhammer: [Sees the scoreboard and gets grumpy] No! Boo!

[Bupkus has the ball and dribbles it a few times, he jumps up in the air and he prepares to slam dunk but suddenly his eyes widen with shock as he sees the hoop full of rockets and explosive devices. He stops and whines with fear and he looks at the audience, and then they explode. Bugs and Wile E. were the ones who set them off.]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, nice kaboom, Wile E. [Wile E. smiles]

[Then Bupkus angrily grabs Wile E. and pulls him to his face showing his teeth. But before he could do anything, his teeth were shot off. Dick Dale's "Miserlou" plays briefly as Elmer and Sam wear black suits, sunglasses and have two pistols pointing at Bupkus. Elmer and Sam look at each other and back at Bupkus. Then they shoot off his last set of teeth. Michael has the ball. He dribbles it, trying to dodge Bang, Nawt, and Bupkus. They try to catch Michael but fail. Michael throws the ball into the hoop, earning two more points for the team and the crowd cheers. It's the Monstars ball. Blanko passes the ball to Pound.]

Pound: [To Nawt and Bang] Let's teach them a lesson. [Running to the hoop]

[As they run, Sylvester appears with a fishing pole and he swings the pole and catches Pound's shorts and pulls them off. Blanko looks at Pound shocked, Pound stops and sees that his shorts are gone and he's butt-naked.]

Pound: [Covering his shorts with his jersey] Hey! What-- [Smiling and blushing with embarrassment]

Lola Bunny: [Taunting Pound] Nice butt!

[The crowd laughs at Pound, Michael just smiles with amusement and gets back in the game. Taz has the ball and slam dunks it. Michael has the ball next and heads for the hoop; Pound and Bupkus try to catch him but fail and Michael slam dunks. Foghorn and Sylvester lift Porky, he has the ball and Pound goes after him.]

Porky Pig: Er, going up.

Pound: You're mine, boy. [Porky slams the ball into the hoop and Pound gets hit in the face with the ball]

[Stan, Granny and Witch Hazel are getting excited that the team is catching up. The score is now Monstars 66, TuneSquad 45 in the 3rd period with 6:45 left on the clock]

Granny: Slam me!

Stan Podolak: [Slapping her left hand] Yeah! How's that? [Granny falls from the bench]

[Nawt, Pound, and Bang are charging in with the ball hoping to score. But then Michael holds up Pepe, while he, Bugs, Foghorn and Tweety are wearing gas masks.]

Pepe Le Pew: Hello! A little surprise for you, my friends. [Chuckles]

[Pepe releases his odor as Bupkus, Bang, and Blanko gasp and faint.]

Pepe Le Pew: [Chuckling and kissing the ball into the hoop] Two points. [The score is now Monstars 68, TuneSquad 62 with 5:01 left on the clock]

[Michael jumps in the air, Pound and Nawt growl trying to stop him, he slam dunks the ball in the hoop hitting Nawt in the head. Michael has the ball; Bang tries to catch the ball but trips over his own feet and Michael shoots into the hoop.]

Swackhammer: [Furiously] Dang!

Daffy Duck: [Painting Pound's shorts red] Ooh, this will be good.

[Daffy points at his shorts for the crowd, and they all laugh at this. Then Toro the bull in the stands, sees the red painted shorts and everyone looks at him as the bullring fanfare comes on. He snorts and moos angrily. He jumps off the stands, running to Pound with his horns. Foghorn and Porky jump out of the way as Daffy also moves out of the way. Pound gets scared and he turns his head to see Toro coming at him with his horns down. Toro then hits Pound's butt, and Pound goes flying in the air screaming in pain.]

Crowd: Olé!

[Tweety is flying around and the Monstars surround him.]

Bang: Okay, birdie.

Tweety: Uh-oh. [The Monstars show him their teeth about to hurt him]

[Tweety has had enough of getting picked on and he lets out a karate yell. The Monstars gasp in shock, then Tweety punches Pound and Bupkus, then punches Bang in the stomach. He twists Blanko's neck, then he bites Pound's ear which causes him to yell in pain. Then he pulls Bupkus's hair and some of it comes out. Then he kicks Bang's chin and falls on the floor. Elmer jumps in the air and slam dunks the ball into the hoop. The crowd and the team cheers loudly.]

Michael Jordan: Yes!

Swackhammer: [Fed up, shouting] Time out! [The score is now Monstars 68, TuneSquad 66 in the 4th period with 4:32 left in the game]

[Swackhammer angrily walks down the stands and goes to court. Marvin blows the whistle, trying to stop him.]

Swackhammer: [Grabbing Marvin] Shut up, you little bug. Get away from me. Pow-wow.

[Michael and the Tunes head for the bench giving each other high fives.]

Michael Jordan: All right guys, We're right back in this game. Come on now. Let's play some tough defense.

[The Tunes agree with Michael]

Swackhammer: [Furiously to the Monstars, pointing at Michael] Why didn't you get this guy?

Bupkus: He's a baseball player.

Nawt: [Agreeing with Bupkus] Yeah, boss, a baseball player.

Swackhammer: [Dryly] Looks like a basketball player to me!

Blanko: Yeah, me too.

Swackhammer: [Shushing Blanko] He's the one I want for Moron Mountain!

[Michael and Bugs overheard everything Swackhammer said and had enough.]

Michael Jordan: [Angrily] Hey! [This got Swackhammer's attention and turns to face him.]

Swackhammer: Are you talkin' to me?

Michael Jordan: Yeah, I'm talkin' to you. You want a piece of me? Come and get it.

[Swackhammer smiles and chuckles evilly and walks up to Michael.]

Bupkus: [Smirking] Uh-oh.

Swackhammer: What did ya have in mind?

Michael Jordan: What about we raise the stakes a little bit?

Swackhammer: [Puffing on his cigar] Hmm... interesting.

Michael Jordan: If we win, you give the NBA players their talent back.

Swackhammer: But what if we win?

Michael Jordan: If you win?

Swackhammer: Uh-huh.

Michael Jordan: [Firmly] You get me.

Pound: [Smiling gleefully] Good deal, boss. [He and the other Monstars laugh with evil glee.]

Bugs Bunny: [Nervously] Eh, doc, do you think that's a good idee? [Michael places his hand on Bugs mouth silencing him.]

[Swackhammer blows smoke from his cigar and shows Michael images of him being on Moron Mountain.]

Swackhammer: You'll be our star attraction. [Michael is seen sitting at a table writing autographs endlessly] You'll sign autographs all day long... and play one on one with the paying customers. [Michael is then bound by a ball and chains. A kid alien runs up several stairs, drops a ball into the hoop and cheers happily, which shocks Michael.] And you'll always lose. [The kid alien blows a raspberry at Michael and the images end. Michael looks back to Swackhammer.]

Swackhammer: [Smirking evilly] Do we have a deal?

Michael Jordan: [Holding out his hand] Deal. [Swackhammer chuckles and shakes his hand with Michael.]

Swackhammer: All right! [Then they both go back to their teams and Bugs follows Michael]

Bugs Bunny: I don't think you should've done that, doc.

Michael Jordan: [Assuring Bugs] I have faith in my team.

[At the Monstars side, the camera pans slowly to Swackhammer's face glaring evilly at the Monstars.]

Swackhammer: Crush 'em!

---

[Back on the court, Marvin blows the whistle and Wile E. has the ball running down the court and dribbling the ball. Pound, Nawt, and Bang charge at him]

Pound: Feeding time, boys!

[Wile E.'s eye widen with fear and gets hit hard; his body is broken in pieces. His arms and legs land on the floor and one of his arms holds up a sign that says "Ouch!".]

Porky Pig: [Stuttering fearfully] Ya, gee--[Bang and Bupkus butt-slammed Porky, making him flat.]

Pound: [Stepping on Sylvester who has the ball] Goodbye!

[Michael has the ball. He tries to get past Pound and Bupkus, but then Pound backhands Michael in the head smiling meanly. Elmer tries to score but Bupkus elbows him down to the floor. Foghorn has the ball, running to the hoop but Bupkus hits him with the back of his fist and Nawt kicks Taz. Bupkus uses Tweety as a golf ball and uses Foghorn as a golf club.]

Bupkus: Fore! [Hitting Tweety]

[Tweety screams as he goes flying in the air, he lands hard on the bench where Granny, Dawg, Sylvester, and Taz look at him with sorrow. Daffy looks and sees Bupkus behind him and he smashes Daffy with his hand. He lifts up his hand and sees Daffy stuck to his hand.]

Daffy Duck: [Dizzy] But, mommy, I don't want to go to school today.

[Pound has the ball and he elbows Michael glaring nastily at him.]

Daffy Duck: [Hugging Bupkus's face] I want to stay home and bake cookies with you!

[An annoyed Bupkus pulls Daffy off his face, then his face is seen disfigured. Pound climbs up the hoop backboard smiling.]

Pound: [Chuckling] This is gonna be fun. [Jumps off]

Lola Bunny: I'm open, I'm open.

Bugs Bunny: Lola, Lola, heads up!

[Lola turns around and sees Pound doing a belly flop and he's about to crush her.]

Pound: Belly flop!

Bugs Bunny: Look out! [Bugs pushes Lola out of the way, and he gets crushed instead. Lola rolls around and drops on the ground. As she gets up, she looks and feels shocked seeing Bugs crushed by Pound.]

Lola Bunny: [Gasps] Oh my! Bugs! [Crowd gasps in horror and she screams and runs to Pound.] Bugs!

Pound: [Mockingly] Is this your man? [Gets off Bugs and walks away chuckling]

[Bugs is flat and is twisting in pain, then he becomes un-flat. Lola runs to Bugs kneeling down to check on him.]

Lola Bunny: [Worried] Are you okay?

Bugs Bunny: Me? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?

Lola Bunny: [Smiling] Oh, Bugs... thank you.

Bugs Bunny: Aw, it was nuttin'.

Lola Bunny: That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. [Kisses Bugs and walks away leaving Bugs blushing with awe and hearts in his eyes.]

Michael Jordan: Time-out.

[At the bench the Tunes are injured really badly. Wile E. has casts on three of his limbs and holds up a sign that says, "Extreme pain!". Sam is charred and moaning in pain, Sylvester has a big cast around his body. Speedy is stuck in the mouse trap. Elmer is in a strait jacket.]

Elmer Fudd: [feeling dizzy] The Monstars. The Monstars.

[Foghorn has turned into a turkey and hooked up to an I.V. Granny has a brace on her neck, and she is in a wheelchair. Taz is out cold, and Witch Hazel is giving him electric pads to revive him.]

Witch Hazel: Clear! [The pads shock Taz and he twitches around. There are words on his chest that say, "Eat at Joe's".]

[Tweety is laying in a machine that says, "Acme Iron Lung." Road Runner has a neck brace, and Pepe Le Pew has his spray tail bandaged, a cast on his foot, and arm in a sling with a black eye. Michael is pacing back and forth thinking.]

Michael Jordan: Okay, we need a fifth player.

Daffy Duck: Hey coach, listen. You got any more of that secret stuff? [Flexing his muscles then deflates] I think it's startin' to wear off.

Michael Jordan: It didn't wear off. It was just water. You guys had the special stuff inside of you all along.

Daffy Duck: [Nodding] Yeah, yeah, I knew that. But listen, you got any more?

Lola Bunny: Yeah, I'll take double.

Porky Pig: Er, can I have some too? [Beaky Buzzard who is bandaged nods to Michael]

[Michael rolls his eyes, then he looks at Stan and he decides to put him in as fifth player.]

Michael Jordan: Stan?

Stan Podolak: Yeah? Uh, me?

Michael Jordan: You're in at center. [Stan smiles and chuckles happily] Just guard the big guy, okay?

Stan Podolak: [Taking off his jacket] Guard him? Guard him? I'll smother him! I'll be all over him like a cheap suit! I'll be on him like stink on rice! I tell you; he's goin' down! [he falls down]

[The game resumes and Marvin passes the ball to Lola, and she passes to Michael. Michael dribbles the ball and the Monstars charge at him and surround him trying to steal the ball. Stan runs to position.]

Stan Podolak: [Calling to Michael] Michael, over here. Over here, over here, I'm open, I'm open! [Michael throws the ball to Stan]

[Stan catches the ball; he looks up to see Bang roaring and jumping on him. Before Stan can move, he gets crushed by Bang then Bupkus, Blanko, and Pound. They all dogpile on Stan. The ball slips out of Stan's hands, it flies to the hoop. The Tunes score three points.]

Michael Jordan: Yes! [The crowd cheered]

Nerdluck Slave: [Cheering] Ha ha! Nice shot! [Swackhammer slams his hand down to the Nerdluck and he is not happy about it.]

Pound: [Getting off Stan as the others get off] Big man pancake!

Blanko: Hey, no fair. [The Monstars walk away from Stan who is flat as a pancake]

Bugs, Lola, Daffy: Ooh!

[Two medical dogs approach Stan with a bed.]

Little Medical Dog: Let's get him outta here!

[The little medical dog puts an air hose in Stan's mouth, and they pump him up like a balloon. The big medical dog pulls the hose out of Stan's mouth. He makes a farting noise as he deflates the air out of him flying through the ceiling.]

Lola Bunny: [Disgusted, holding her nose] Eww! [The Nerdluck slaves groan in disgust]

Pepe Le Pew: [Putting a clothes pin on his nose] Oh, my.

[Stan lands on the bed and he's back to his normal self. The crowd applauds as Michael looks at the dogs wheeling Stan away.]

Michael Jordan: How'd he do that?

Bugs Bunny: Aw, anybody could do dat, doc. Even you. Watch dis. [Grabbing Daffy's neck]

Daffy Duck: [Choking] Watch what? [Bugs stretches Daffy's neck] See? No sweat. This is Looney Tune Land.

[Michael looks up at the scoreboard. The score is Monstars 77, TuneSquad 76. They only have ten seconds left.]

Michael Jordan: Ten seconds to go? Thanks for tellin' me... doc.

Marvin the Martian: [Worried] I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Your Airness, but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game.

Michael Jordan: Forfeit?

Marvin the Martian: [Nodding] Precisely, Sir Altitude.

Michael Jordan: No way. We'll find someone.

[Bill Murray arrives and hums a fanfare. He wears a TuneSquad uniform and a red shirt. The crowd cheers loudly, Michael and his friends are surprised to see him.]

Swackhammer: [Surprised; jumping from his seat] Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture!

Bill Murray: [pops up near the end of the game] Hey! Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

Michael Jordan: [Smiling] That's our fifth guy. [Bill walks up to them and gives Michael a high five] Thanks Bill. Now you get to live up your dream. Let's go.

Bill Murray: All right.

Michael Jordan: All right, we need to score two points...

Bill Murray: Here's how I see it. [To Daffy] Duck?

Daffy Duck: Yes.

Bill Murray: You kick it in to the girl bunny down in the post.

Lola Bunny: Yeah?

Bill Murray: [to Lola] You dish it back out to the guy bunny.

Lola Bunny: [Seriously] Got it!

Bill Murray: You swing it to Mike over here. You go to the hole and dominate.

Michael Jordan: Bill, we on defense.

Bugs Bunny: [Agreeing with Michael] Oh yeah.

Bill Murray: Whoa, ho, ho! I don't play defense.

Michael Jordan: Typical.

Bill Murray: All right. You're gonna have to listen to Mike on this, guys. Listen up.

Michael Jordan: Somebody steal the ball, get it to me, and I'll score before the time runs out.

Bill Murray: Don't lose that confidence. OK! [stacks hands with the team] Paws and wings in here! All right!

[They head back on the court and the crowd cheers.]

Bill Murray: This is why I was born. I thrive on pressure.

Daffy Duck: [Tugging Bill's shorts] Excuse me. Uh, sorry.

Bill Murray: Yo, yo. Easy on the trousers, Daf. Easy, man.

Daffy Duck: Pardon me. Um, Mr. Murray, something's really been bugging me.

Bill Murray: Yeah?

Daffy Duck: Just how did you get here anyway? [Pound stops to look at Bill Murray]

Bill Murray: Producer's a friend of mine. Just had a teamster come and drop me off, you know. [Pound rolls his eyes while listening, he growls and shakes his head in annoyance]

Daffy Duck: Uh-huh. Well, that's how it goes.

Bill Murray: You see this uh, kinda chunky fellow over here? [Sees Pound making a face and chuckling rudely at Lola]

Daffy Duck: [Sees Pound and nods his head] Uh-huh.

[Bill whispers into Daffy's ear which gave him the idea.]

Daffy Duck: Ooh. Ooh, that's good. Oh yes.

Bill Murray: All right. Let's do it. You the duck.

[They get ready for the last shot before the final seconds of the game.]

---

: [It's the Monstars ball and Marvin gives the ball to Bupkus.]

Marvin the Martian: Now, let's all play fair. Here.

[Bupkus takes the ball and elbows Marvin. He gets ready for action.]

Bill Murray: Yo, spaceman, don't choke now. Come on. Come on, come on.

[As Bupkus gets ready, Daffy puts on a football helmet.]

Daffy Duck: It's gut-check time! [He jerks his legs back and forth like a bullet.]

[Bupkus throws the ball to Pound and Daffy launches at him. As Pound catches the ball, Daffy hits his stomach hard, and Pound drops the ball. Bang and Blanko watch the ball dribble to Bill.]

Bill Murray: This must be mine. [As he dribbles the ball, Pound pushes Daffy out of his stomach, holding in pain.] Whoo-hoo! This belongs to me. I'm goin' left! I'm goin' left! I'm goin' left! [Passes the ball to Michael and Pound goes after Bill.] Whoa! Don't ever trust an earthling!

[Michael dribbles the ball, trying to get past Nawt. He looks at the scoreboard and notices that there's eight seconds left.]

Lola Bunny: Mike!

[Michael throws the ball to Lola, she dribbles it, and she gets surrounded by Bang and Blanko.]

Bang: Get the rabbit! Get the girl!

Daffy Duck: [Jumping] Come on! Come on! [Lola passes the ball] I'm open! I'm open! [Bupkus backhands Daffy and reaches for the ball]

Bupkus: That's mine!

Bugs Bunny: [Grabs the ball with his ears and throws it to Bill] Not today!

Bupkus: Hey!

[Bill catches the ball and Blanko approaches him.]

Blanko: Bring it on, dude.

Bill Murray: [Trips Blanko] Whoopsie-daisy. Whoo-hoo.

[Bill passes the ball to Michael, and he heads for the hoop. Bang is running behind Michael and Pound comes charging at Michael.]

Pound: You're mine!

[Pound and Bang growl as he's about to grab Michael, but he slips and falls on the floor. Michael steps on Pound's head which causes him to groan in pain. He climbs up to Pound's butt and then he jumps up and flies to the hoop as the crowd roars.]

Bill Murray: Mike, I'm open! [A shocked Pound sees Michael in the air] Never mind.

[Time slows down as Michael flies to the hoop, getting ready to score. Bang and Bupkus roar and they jump up, grabbing Michael to stop him. Michael begins to stretch his arm, reaching for the hoop and he is preparing to slam dunk. Bang and Bupkus look on in shock knowing they're gonna lose. There's 4 seconds left and counting on the clock. Michael slam dunks the ball into the hoop and the horn blows. The crowd cheers wildly, Swackhammer yells in rage. The Tunes cheer for their big victory of the game. Bugs and Lola hug each other, Bill laughs joyfully and runs to Michael. Michael lets go of the hoop and lands on his feet.]

Hubie: The Tunes win!

[The Tunes run up to each other and they give each other high fives and hugs. Pepe hugs and kisses Granny. Michael and Bill talk in private as the Tunes celebrate their victory.]

Michael Jordan: That was a nice pass, man.

Bill Murray: That was a great stretch for the basket, too.

Michael Jordan: You know, you really got some skills. You might be able to play in the NBA.

Bill Murray: Thanks, Mike. I'll probably quote ya on that. But I'm gonna take this opportunity to retire from the game of basketball.

Michael Jordan: [Puts his hand on Bill's shoulder] No. Come on.

Bill Murray: No! No! I'm gonna retire right now, and that's all there is to it. I'm gonna go out on top, undefeated and untied. That's the way it's gonna be. You go on ahead and celebrate with your teammates.

Michael Jordan: No, come on and help us. Celebrate with us.

Bill Murray: I'd like to, but I have to ice down my knees right away, OK? They're startin' to go.

Michael Jordan: All right. Good-bye, man.

Bill Murray: All right. See ya. [Walks away]

Michael Jordan: Are you sure?

Bill Murray: Yes! Definitely sure. Definitely. [Leaving the court]

[Swackhammer is furious at the Monstars for losing the game.]

Swackhammer: Losers!

Monstars: Sorry.

Swackhammer: Choke artists!

Monstars: Sorry again.

Swackhammer: Wait 'til I get ya back on Moron Mountain. [Michael walks over to the Monstars as Swackhammer stomps on Bupkus's foot in anger, which causes him to howl in pain.] [To the Monstars] All right. The party's over. Get in the spaceship.

Michael Jordan: [To the Monstars] Why do you take it from this guy?

Bupkus: [Scared] Because... he's bigger.

Pound: [Raising an eyebrow] He's bigger?

Bang: [Figuring it out slowly] Than we used... to be.

Monstars: [Finally realizing that they're now bigger than he is] Wait a minute. [Then they turn to Swackhammer glaring angrily at him. Swackhammer feels something is not right.]

Swackhammer: [Nervously] What are you doin'?

[The Monstars reach for him, grab him and drag him through the court.]

Bupkus: Come here!

Swackhammer: Hey! Wait! What are you doin'?! Wait! Let go!

[The Monstars ignore him as Michael looks on with interest. The Monstars laugh as they put Swackhammer in a small rocket, Bugs and Wile E. smile. The rocket takes off and heads for the ceiling as the Monstars wave good-bye to their now ex-boss. Outside the arena, the rocket blasts through the ceiling and it heads for space. Swackhammer screams as he heads for the moon, and he lands on it.]

---

: [Back in the arena, the crowd and the Tunes cheer. Michael smiles at the Monstars.]

Michael Jordan: [Proudly] Had it in you all the time, didn't you?

[The Monstars smile warmly and blush, Pound smiles while shrugging, Bang points his chin while blushing and smiling, Bupkus smiles and wiggles his eyebrows, Blanko places his hand on his face to hide his blush, and Nawt smiles giving a thumbs up sign.]

Monstars: Aww.

Michael Jordan: One thing, though. [To Bugs] Pass me the ball, Bugs. [Bugs passes the ball to him and Michael turns back to the Monstars] You gotta give my friends their talent back.

Monstars: [Shocked] What?

Pound: [sadly] Do we have to? [Shrugging]

Michael Jordan: [Nodding] Yeah, it's part of the deal, touch the ball.

Monstars: [Disappointed] Aww. [They sadly look at each other; they don't know what to say but they know they can't keep the talent forever, so they decide to return it.]

Bupkus: [Sighing sadly] Oh, okay. [Places his hand on the ball while Bang and Blanko place their hands on the ball.]

Blanko: Uh, fair is fair. [Pound places his hand on the ball touching Michael's fingers while Nawt looks for an empty spot.]

Michael Jordan: There you go. Touch it. [Nawt places his hand on the ball.]

[As the Monstars are convinced and touch the ball, they begin to shake and twitch. The talent begins to leave their bodies, and it goes inside the ball. Then they start to shrink down back to their small size. Their jerseys, shorts and shoes are still the same size from their Monstars forms. They're small Nerdlucks again, they pop out from their jerseys.]

Bupkus: That was so much fun.

Bang: [sadly] I feel so... insignificant.

Pound: [Frowning, while looking at his jersey] My clothes don't fit.

Nawt: What a trip.

Blanko: [Chuckling] I'm up for another one.

Pound: [Sweetly, walking up to Bugs] Can we ask you a favor, Mr. Bunny? We don't wanna go back to Moron Mountain.

Bang: We hate it up there.

Nawt: [Showing a thumbs down] It stinks.

Blanko: Um, I was thinkin', could we stay here with you?

Nerdlucks: [Sweetly and showing friendly smiles] Please?

Daffy Duck: [Rolling his eyes] Oh, brother.

Bugs Bunny: Eh, I don't know if you guys are looney enough.

Bang: [Shocked] Looney enough?!

[Then the Nerdlucks put on the Looney Tunes costumes acting like them, being funny. They hum the Looney Tunes theme song. Michael and the Tunes look on. Then Nawt shoots them, and their eyeballs bounce on the floor.]

[Stan runs in with Michael's basketball bag.]

Stan Podolak: Michael! Michael! Do you know what time it is?

Porky Pig: [Looks at his watches] Er, 7:15, er, 7:15, er- quarter past seven.

Stan Podolak: Exactly. You've got a baseball game in 5 minutes.

Michael Jordan: [Hands him the ball] Okay. Take this.

Stan Podolak: [Looks at the ball] Is it safe?

Michael Jordan: Yeah. Put it in my bag.

[Stan takes the ball and puts it in the bag. Michael talks to the Tunes.]

Michael Jordan: I really enjoyed playing wit you guys. You guys got a lot of, uh...

Looney Tunes: Huh?

Michael Jordan: A-a lot of, uh...

Looney Tunes: Yes?

Michael Jordan: Well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.

[The Tunes feel happy about what Michael said.]

Michael Jordan: All right, gotta go. Bugs?

Bugs Bunny: Eh, Mike?

Michael Jordan: Stay out of trouble. [Walks away]

Bugs Bunny: [To Lola] You know I will. [Lola giggling] Come here!

[He grabs Lola and kisses her on the lips. She whoops joyfully; she pulls down the scene showing Barons field. Michael's baseball game is on, and the crowd is chanting, "We want Michael!"]

Barons Manager: The delay is killin' us. Where is Michael?

[In another part of the stand, where Michael's family is, Juanita is worried about her husband, but the kids know where he is.]

Juanita Jordan: Where is Michael?

Jeffrey Jordan: Oh. He's not back from his other game.

Juanita Jordan: What other game?

Jasmine Jordan: [looking at Jeff with her finger to her mouth] Shh!

Juanita Jordan: Uh-uh. What other game?

[Before Jeff could answer, the Nerdlucks spaceship appears from the sky and heads for the field. Everyone stops chanting and they gasp as the ship prepares to land. Michael's family get up and watch. The ship is landing on the field and the ship's door opens; the ramp comes down. Stan comes out with a bullhorn and everyone looks at him. [R. Kelly and The Luv Club Choir's "I Believe I Can Fly" plays again]

Stan Podolak: [Speaks through the bullhorn] Ladies and gentlemen! [The teams come to see] Michael Jordan!

[Michael comes out of the ship wearing his baseball uniform, he walks onto the field, waving at the fans. The crowd cheers loudly and Michael's family clap and cheer for him. Jeff gives him the thumbs up. Michael smiles in acknowledgment that he's happy to be home.]

---

: [The next day in the gym, the five NBA players are practicing without their talent.]

Charles Barkley: Guys...we suck. [Sits down]

Larry Johnson: Yeah, man. My grandmother played better than I do.

Muggsy Bogues: At least you guys are still tall. I'm nothin' now. Just another short guy.

Charles Barkley: You got that right.

Larry Johnson: That's the only thing that's right.

[As they talk, they turn to see Michael and Stan come in.]

Patrick Ewing: Who's that?

Larry Johnson: Who's that?

Muggsy Bogues: I don't know.

Michael Jordan: Been gettin' your butts kicked, haven't you?

Muggsy Bogues: Who's that?

Charles Barkley: It's Mike.

Muggsy Bogues: What's up?

[They all get up and walk up to Michael and Stan.]

Patrick Ewing: Hey, man. What you doin' here?

Michael Jordan: Don't be embarrassed. Just face it. You guys stink.

Larry Johnson: Come on, Mike, lighten up.

Michael Jordan: I know, and you want your games back, huh? What little games you had to begin with.

Shawn Bradley: It's hard enough as it is, Mike.

Charles Barkley: Come on, give us a break.

Michael Jordan: I'm gonna regret this. Stan, give me the ball.

[Stan bends down and unzips the bag, showing them the ball that has their talent inside it. It's still glowing; they all look at it with awe as Michael holds the ball.]

Larry Johnson: Look at that.

Muggsy Bogues: Look like somethin' from Star Trek.

Michael Jordan: Touch it.

Shawn Bradley: [Shaking his head] No way. Jose.

Michael Jordan: Pat, you want your talent back? You don't have any other choice. Just touch it.

Patrick Ewing: I don't know, man.

Larry Johnson: Don't touch that, man.

Michael Jordan: Okay, you're gonna walk around wit a bad game for the rest of your career. Touch the ball.

Shawn Bradley: Be careful, Pat. We've tried everything else.

[Patrick slowly reaches to touch the ball. He exhales in relief, knowing nothing happened.]

Patrick Ewing: Thank goodness.

Michael Jordan: Come on, Charles. Touch it. The rest of you guys. Just touch it.

[They all reach for the ball. While they're touching it, the ball shakes, and their talents return to their bodies. They move their hands off the ball. Stan and Michael smile at this.]

Larry Johnson: Oh, man!

Charles Barkley: What was that?

[Michael passes the ball to Muggsy and he catches it. He is surprised that he can play again.]

Muggsy Bogues: Hey. Hey, I caught it! [Dribbling the ball and doing the "rock"]

Patrick Ewing: Hey, look at Muggsy handle the rock. Handle it, baby.

Muggsy Bogues: I can handle that rock again! [Passes the ball to Larry]

Larry Johnson: That's the old Muggs I know.

Patrick Ewing: Yeah, get height now. [Larry slam dunks the ball] Yeah!

Larry Johnson: It gave me my powers back!

Charles Barkley: [Takes the ball] That wasn't bad. Let me show you somethin'.

Larry Johnson: Let me see. [Charles slam dunks the ball] Whoo!

Patrick Ewing: The Round Mound is back. [Takes the ball] You wanna see somethin'? [Slam dunks the ball] Oh, man that felt good.

Shawn Bradley: [Slam dunks the ball] I got it.

Muggsy Bogues: You got it. Yeah, baby.

[Michael and Stan smile that they finally got his friends' talents back and they're able to play basketball again. As they leave, the five NBA players turn to see them leave.]

Charles Barkley: Hey, Michael. Why don't you stay? Play some 3-on-3 wit us.

Michael Jordan: No. I don't think so.

Charles Barkley: What are you gonna do, work on that baseball swing?

Patrick Ewing: Now leave the baseball player alone, man. You know he doesn't play basketball anymore.

Shawn Bradley: You know, he probably doesn't even have it anymore, guys.

Stan Podolak: Michael, do you hear them? They don't think you can play the game anymore.

[Michael smiles at his basketball friends and they smile back at him.]

Michael Jordan: There's only one way to find out.

[The camera switches to the Chicago Bulls arena and there is a big game.]

Announcer on P.A.: The Chicago Bulls welcome back... Michael Jordan!

[Michael is walking through the crowd of cameramen and reporters. The crowd cheers loudly for him. A bull balloon is floating in the air, and it has sign that says, "Welcome back, Michael." The lights turn on and it's time for the basketball game. In the stands, Bill Murray and Larry Bird sit down and watch the game, Bill feels sad.]

Larry Bird: [Concerned] What's the matter, Bill?

Bill Murray: Larry, that could've been me.

Larry Bird: Will you get off that kick? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.

Bill Murray: Okay. [Voice breaking] Let's go Bulls!

[Seal's "Fly Like an Eagle" plays again. The Bulls player steals the ball and passes it to Michael. He dribbles the ball down the court, he runs to the hoop and slam dunks the ball. The crowd cheers loudly and the camera freeze frames as the credits roll.] [R. Kelly and The Luv Club Choir's "I Believe I Can Fly" plays for the final time. Quad City DJ's' "Space Jam" also plays again for the final time. Monica's "For You I Will" plays. D'Angelo's "I Found My Smile Again" plays. Hit 'em High plays again briefly. All-4-One's "I Turn to You" plays until the credits end.]

---

: [After the credits come to a close, Bugs Bunny, who is in the iris of a Merrie Melodies bullseye, crumples the screen with the final credit and tosses it away.]

Bugs Bunny: Well, dat's all, Folks!

Porky Pig: [pops up next to Bugs] Eh, th-th-th-that's my line! Eh, th-th-th..

Daffy Duck: [appears in-between Bugs and Porky] Step aside, babe! Let a star do this! That's all- Yeow!

[Daffy then gets knocked out of the iris by the Nerdlucks]

The Nerdlucks: That's all, folks!

[Just then, Michael Jordan lifts up the bullseye outro]

Michael Jordan: Can I go home now? [pulls bullseye rings back down]

[After Michael pulls down the bullseye, in which Bugs, Porky and the Nerdlucks have vanished, the "That's all Folks!" end title writes itself.]

Cast

Live-Action Characters

• Michael Jordan — Himself
• Wayne Knight — Stan
• Theresa Randle — Juanita
• Bill Murray — Himself
• Larry Bird — Himself
• Thom Barry — James
• Manner Washington — Jeffrey
• Eric Gordon — Marcus
• Penny Bae Bridges — Jasmine
• Del Harris — Himself
• Charles Barkley — Himself
• Patrick Ewing — Himself
• Shawn Bradley — Himself
• Larry Johnson — Himself
• Muggsy Bogues — Himself

Character Voices

• Billy West — Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd
• Dee Bradley Baker — Daffy Duck, Taz, Bull
• Danny DeVito — Mr. Swackhammer
• Bob Bergen — Porky Pig, Tweety Bird, Marvin the Martian, Hubie, Bertie
• Bill Farmer — Sylvester, Yosemite Sam, Foghorn Leghorn
• June Foray — Granny
• Maurice LaMarche — Pepé le Pew
• Kath Soucie — Lola Bunny
• Frank Welker — Charles

See also

• Michael Jordan
• Looney Tunes: Back in Action
• Space Jam: A New Legacy

External links

• Encyclopedic article on Space Jam on Wikipedia
• Media related to Space Jam on Wikimedia Commons
• Space Jam quotes at the Internet Movie Database