Bob's Burgers (season 5)
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Bob's Burgers is an American adult animated sitcom created by Loren Bouchard for Fox. The series centers on the Belchers—parents Bob and Linda, and their children Tina, Gene, and Louise—who run a hamburger restaurant.
Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl [5.01]
- [About Courtney's Working Girl musical.]
- Gene: So it's just a coincidence that you took a beloved '80s movie - some say the sassy sister film to Die Hard - and set it to music and lyrics?
Tina and the Real Ghost [5.02]
- Tammy: Where's Tina? At home, crying into her butt?
- Tina: No. My butt is dry. And strong.
Friends With Burger-fits [5.03]
- (Bob awakes from a nightmare.)
- Bob: I'm sorry, Teddy!
- Linda: What - what happened - what happened?
- Bob: I'm killing Teddy.
- Linda: (sleepily) What, you're going to kill Teddy? Alright. Car's gassed up. That's good. Guess I could home school the kids-
- Bob: No, Lin, the burgers are killing him.
- Linda: (shocked) What?
- Bob: The ones I give him every day.
- Linda: Oh. Gotcha.
- Bob: Good God, Linda, you had all that ready?
- Linda: What? I'm just being supportive. Good night.
- Bob: Here's the deal, Teddy: I can make you soup or salad, but I don't think I can serve you my burgers anymore.
- Teddy: You cutting me off, Bobby?
- Bob: I guess I... am.
- Teddy: You're cutting me off!? Is this some kind of sick joke?
- Mort: I think it's for your own good.
- Teddy: You stay the hell out of this, Mort! [to Bob] Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!
- Bob: Teddy's not my best friend. He's my best customer. There's a big difference, and I really value that thirty inches of formica that's between us.
- Gene: Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag!
- (Zeke eliminates Tina in the Freezer Dome)
- Zeke: I did it! I pushed a girl! And not because I like her and don't know how to show it!
- Teddy: Why would you lie to me like that? Who says they're somebody's best friend when they're not!?
- Bob: Look, Teddy, I'm sorry I lied because I care about you...
- Teddy: Pull over here. Stop the car, Bob!
- (Bob pulls over at Dusty's Feed Bag. Teddy gets out.)
- Teddy: You're not the only man that sells burgers, you know. I'm going to be a regular at Dusty's Feed Bag now! Friend.
- Bob: Come on Teddy, get back in the car.
- Teddy: Oh, and one more thing, Bob three years ago, you forgot a tomato on my burger and I said nothing. Nothing!
- Bob: Teddy please don't go in there.
- Teddy: You don't tell me what to do.
Dawn of the Peck [5.04]
- Bob: Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!
- Louise: He's handling this pretty well.
- Bob: No, you're crying!
Best Burger [5.05]
- Bob: I can't believe we're competing against Skip Marooch. He has a book out. I read it! I mean, I mostly read it. I looked at all the pictures.
- Louise: Your name is a verb in this family. We call it "Geneing out."
- Gene: I thought that meant taking off your pants after a good meal.
- Ron: I was "Geneing out" at work the other day.
- Mickey: [swerving the pedi-cab back and forth] I'm "Geneing out" right now!
- Gene: Oh my God. I'm a verb. I'm a bad verb!
- Tina: You're a "berb."
- Gene: I'm a "berb!"
Father of the Bob [5.06]
- Gene: One man's trash is another man's Christmas gift for Dad!
Tina Tailor Soldier Spy [5.07]
- Linda: Aw, I can't believe you quit the Thundergirls. Are they going to make you turn in your Thunderwear?
Midday Run [5.08]
- Regular-Sized Rudy: See, that's why you're going to be a Hall Manatee, and I'm stuck at Hall Minnow. Well, I'm also a Hall Minnow because I'm bad at networking.
- Bob: What am I supposed to draw first?
- Edith Cranwinkle: First the gesture then the essence, and then the breasts!
- Harold Cranwinkle: Get your charcoal Charlie. Lady's a-waitin'!
- Edith: Harold, be my eyes. How's he doing?
- Harold: Bad.
- Bob: Sorry, I can't concentrate!
- Edith: What's the matter? Don't like what you see?
- Bob: No! It's just, I wasn't expecting all the hair...
- Edith: Well get used to it! It's the human form. It's the most beautiful thing you're ever gonna see in your life!
- Harold: It's super-yummy!
- Zeke: Why do you wanna be a hall monitor so bad anyway? It's just tellin' on kids!
- Tina: No! It's..."helping" on kids.
- After Tina helps Zeke get the Whaler's costume...
- Zeke: Now I'm gonna have a story to tell on our wedding day! You think it ain't gonna happen, but I'm gonna getcha, girl! I'm gonna getcha!
Speakeasy Rider [5.09]
- Tina: Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting. (pulling her hair back) 'Cause our hair will be like this!
- Louise: (pulling on her face) And our faces will be like this!
- Gene: And our penises will be like this! (pause) You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great!
- Louise: I'm coming for you, T. If I finish the season in first place in B-League, I get a spot in the Kingshead Island Grand Prix!
- Tina: But you actually have to win races to finish in first place. Maybe you didn't fully understand that?
- Louise: Oh, ho-ho-ho, keep it up, Tina!
- Tina: Way ahead of you. Literally.
Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob and Louise [5.10]
- Linda: You know, do what you got to do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it's okay. I don't like her, but whatever it takes.
- Bob: Way ahead of you, Lin.
- [Song: "Crappy Place/Happy Place"]
- Bob: Tomatoes and green beans and sweet peas
- It's a dream come true!
- Linda: (glowering at Cynthia) I wanna take her stupid neck and wring it!
- Louise: That's what I wanna do, too. But with him! (pointing at Logan)
- Bob: The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb!
- Linda & Louise: How did we ever get stuck with these bums?
- The restaurant's now a crappy place!
- Bob: (overlapping) I think I found my happy place!
- I'm like a British lady in my garden
- And my plants agree!
- Plants: Mmm-hmm!
- Louise: (about Logan) He's the most annoying person who was ever born...
- Linda: (about Cynthia) Oh God, she brought her own tea!
- Bob: I'm the world's greatest farmer, things are growing so well!
- Linda & Louise: We're living in our own personal hell,
- The restaurant's now a crappy place!
- Bob: I think I found my happy place!
- Linda & Louise: The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy
- Bob: (simultaneous) I think I found my happy, happy, happy, happy
- All: Plaaaaace!
Can't Buy Me Math [5.11]
The Millie-churian Candidate [5.12]
- (Tina hangs Jimmy Jr.'s Class President campaign poster. Louise assists her.)
- Louise: Lower. A little lower. Just a tiny bit lower...
- (Camera pulls out to reveal a trash can.)
- Louise: ...Yeah, that's it. In the trash. Now stomp it down with your foot.
The Gayle Tales [5.13]
L'il Hard Dad [5.14]
- Bob: We're not leaving Sheldon not until we get our money back for that detected helicopter so do the right thing and give us a refund.
- Gene: Well put.
- Bob: Yup.
- Sheldon Felds: You don't get it do you Bob? Sheldon Felds doesn't give refunds to heliflopter's who crash on their first flight.
- Bob: Stop calling me a heliflopter.
- Gene: We don't care how fun it is to say.
- Sheldon Felds: You see I not only sell these novelty toys to make ends meet, but my real passion is customizing the serious RC choppers.
- Gene: Fish in the sky! This was in Revelations! Kirk Cameron was right!
- Sheldon Felds Are you done hiding, Bob?
- Bob: We're not hiding, Sheldon. We were regrouping. And we still want our refund!
- Sheldon: Uh-huh. Swim, my pets. Swim! (snickers)
- Bob: Your gently floating fish don't scare me, Sheldon. They're actually kinda pretty. It's a lot like snorkeling, which I've never done but I imagine I would love it! Ow. Ow.
- Gene: Dad!
- Bob:You're shooting BB's at me. Ow, that one hit me in the nipple.
- Gene: That's his good nipple!
- Bob: My good nipple is bleeding!!
- Sheldon: Are we done here, Bob? You lose, I win. Also I have a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, so I'm far ready to wrap this up.
- Bob: No we're not done!!
Adventures in Chinchilla-sitting [5.15]
The Runway Club [5.16]
Itty Bitty Ditty Committee [5.17]
Eat, Spray, Linda [5.18]
Hawk & Chick [5.20]
- Tina: We gotta make this samaright.
- Linda: It was a time in Japan when the evil monsters would attack the nice little villages for no good reason. And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are... Hawk & Chick!