Brooklyn Nine-Nine (season 5)

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The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

The Big House Pt. 1 [5.01][edit]

Caleb: At least you still have people who want to see you. My family hasn't been here to see me since the trial. You eat nine people, and all of a sudden they "don't know who you are anymore".
Jake: Wait... What? Did you say "eat people"? Are you a cannibal, Caleb?
Caleb: Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I'm a woodworker.

The Big House Pt. 2 [5.02][edit]

Kicks [5.03][edit]

HalloVeen [5.04][edit]

Amy: Jake, I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you. You've lost the ability to surprise me. Ya just plain boring.
Jake: Again, weird take on a very loving relationship.
Amy: And it's midnight, so I guess I'm an amazing human/genius.
Jake: Yeah. Although you might wanna read the inscription on that there belt.
Amy: Why? Oh, no, what does it say? [reads inscription] "Amy Santiago, will you marry me?"
[Amy turns around to see Jake on one knee holding out an engagement ring]
Jake: Surprise.

Amy: I'm so confused. I don't know what's happening right now.
Jake: "I'm so confused I don't know what's happening right now": title of your sex tape.
Amy: "h, my God, I'm shaking. I'm definitely gonna cry. [grins] Title of your sex tape. [beat] Wait, is this really happening? Is this part of the heist? If this is part of the heist, I will dump you so hard.
Jake: No, please, Ames, look, it's really happening, okay? It's not part of the heist. I promise, this is real.
Amy: It is?
Jake: Yeah. Okay, here it goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are. I love your face, and I love your butt. I should've written this down first.
Amy: No, no, it's okay. Go on.
Jake: I love how much you pretend to like Die Hard.
Amy: I like the second one.
Jake: You don't have to. You're kind, and you're funny, and you're the best person I know, and the best detective. [pause] Also, for reals, I love your butt.
Amy: I love yours too.
Jake: Gross. [chuckles] Amy Santiago, will you marry me?
Amy: Jake Peralta, I will marry you.
[They kiss]
Amy: I love you so much.
Charles: [busting into the evidence room] Hey, jerkos, this little Tramp escaped, so that ought to teach... [notices Jake's ring box] D-did you just...? [Jake nods] And did you say...? [Amy nods whilst showing her ring]
[Charles hyperventilates and faints]

Bad Beat [5.05][edit]

The Venue [5.06][edit]

Two Turkeys [5.07][edit]

Return to Skyfire [5.08][edit]

99 [5.09][edit]

Game Night [5.10][edit]

The Favor [5.11][edit]

Safe House [5.12][edit]

The Negotiation [5.13][edit]

The Box [5.14][edit]

The Puzzle Master [5.15][edit]

NutriBoom [5.16][edit]

DFW [5.17][edit]

[Jake and a witness are viewing a line-up]
Jake: So, do you recognize any of these men?
Witness: I was hiding in the bathroom stall, so I didn't see his face. But I heard him. He was singing along to the music at the bar.
Jake: Do you remember what he was singing?
Witness: I think it was that song, "I Want It That Way".
Jake: Backstreet Boys. I'm familiar. Okay. [presses intercom] Number one, could you please sing the opening to "I Want It That Way"?
Number One: Really? Okay. [singing] You are my fire...
Jake: Number two, keep it going.
Number Two: The one desire...
Jake: Number three.
Number Three: Believe when I say...
Jake: Number four.
Number Four: I want it that way.
Jake: [singing] Tell me why!
Suspects: Ain't nothing but a heartache...
Jake: Tell me why!
Suspects: Ain't nothing but a mistake...
Jake: [still singing] Now number five...
Number Five: I never want to hear you say…
Suspects: I want it that way.
Jake: Ah, chills! Literal chills!
Witness: It was number five. Number five killed my brother.
Jake: Oh my God, I forgot about that part.

Gray Star Mutual [5.18][edit]

Bachelor/ette Party [5.19][edit]

Show Me Going [5.20][edit]

White Whale [5.21][edit]

Jake & Amy [5.22][edit]