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Deadpool (series)

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Deadpool (series) is the name of the comic book series made by marvel starring Deadpool

Favorite lines

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Deadpool: Shhh...My common sense is tingling.
Deadpool: Then I have clearance...to say hell yeah!
Deadpool: And now, I'M better at whatever Wolverine does!

Deadpool Vol. 1

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Issue 2

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Deadpool: [Deadpool is watching his crush from her window] [Monolouging] y'know, camping outside someone's window just to watch them sleep used to be considered romantic --but today it's called "stalking" and generally considered trespasse --[whispering] though the term "stalking" has a certain Byronic flavour to it--
Blind Al: Really Wade, mercenary to peeping tom in one night.
Blind Al: [After Deadpool had tried to swap the sugar and salt in her tea, which she just drank] Oh! Did I mess up the salt and sugar again. Oopsie! How careless of me! Better luck next time, you jerk!
Deadpool: [thinking] should've known better than to discuss romance with Al. you wanna talk babes, you have to find a bud that's lamer than yourself. speaking of which... [Shouts] Weasel!
Deadpool: [discovering Weasels empty room] What in God's name? [Shouts] WEASEL CLEANED HIS ROOM!
Deadpool: [just found Weasels being kept in a place in Nevada] Good thing he's such a paranoid puppy or I never would have tracked him down. [whispers] I wonder if this has anything to do with the way I treat him... Nah. Probably something his momma did.
Taskmaster: Ah! Leaping Dragon Kick... Executed in the style of Master Shingen Dakota-- Deadly, but easily defensible.
Deadpool: Yeah! So's mad cow disease...
Deadpool: Are you ready for a dissertion on pain, chump! Open your text-books to chapter one-- "BOWL EVISCERATION AND YOU!"
Taskmaster: I don't believe you're qualified to teach that course.
Deadpool: Fine! Let's skip you up to "Lead Swallowing" one-oh... Uh Oh! Where's my gun --? [Taskmaster pointing gun at] Bad Gun! No pointing at your master! Bad Bad gun! [cocks gun] give it back or I'll tell.
Taskmaster: [After beating up Deadpool for "lesson"] onto our next ordinance--swordplay.
Deadpool: Oh, Goody. Now I can be humiliated with props

Issue 3

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Deadpool: [Deadpool is holding his hand which has the middle finger cut off, trying to heal it] NGGHK
Weasel: [Facepalming] Enough with the theatrics, Wade. No need to pop an aneurysm. Everyone’s enraptured. To think I could be sipping imported beers right now in an overstuffed lay-z-chair instead of watching this —
Deadpool: [Still trying to heal his finger] WILL YOU STOW IT, WEASEL?! I’M CONCENTRATING HERE!
Deadpool: I lost this digit saving your scrawny butt from the clutches of the Taskmaster — The least you could do is pretend to be thankful and shut yer yap while I try an’ grow it back!
Deadpool: [Whispering] And score some payola in the process! Heh-heh suckers...
Patch: [Raising arm towards Deadpool] Alright, who says he does it in three minutes? I got five bills for four and twenty. Who’s takin’?
T-Ray: [Handing money to Patch] You call that action? Three G’s says he doesn’t grow it back at all.
Patch: ’Course he’s gonna grow it back, T-Ray... We’re just bettin’ on how long it takes for his healin’ factor to kick in —
T-Ray: [Holding out money] Call it a sucker bet, then, take the green, Patch!
Deadpool: NGGH! Take the bet. AARGH! The agony! Take the bet. HRRF! Take it now.
Patch: [Reaching for money] Okay, it’s your lunch money, T-Ray —
Deadpool: Mind... Strong... Body... Cut and defined... MUST —
Weasel: [Thinking] Finally...
Deadpool: — GROW —
Weasel: [Puts on glasses and looks at Deadpool’s finger]
Deadpool: [Finger grows back a little bit] — Finger?
Deadpool: [Facepalming] This is a joke, right? No, can’t be, ‘cause then I’d be playing the joke on myself, and I’d have to kick my own behind for such tomfoolery — And I’m not hardly limber enough to whup my own tail...
T-Ray: [Holding out his hand] My money.
Patch: [Handing T-Ray the money] Sure, T-Ray. Sure, T-Ray. You can stop foolin’ around anytime now, ‘Pool.
T-Ray: He’s not fooling anyone anymore... Are you, Wilson?
T-Ray: [Very close to Deadpool’s face] Exposed weakness... Feels uncomfortable, doesn’t it? I’d get used to it if I were you.
Deadpool: Oh boy, T-Ray veiled a threat at me... I’m quivering in my underoos. Really... Shove off, T-Bag, and on your way home, knock over a Quick-E-Mart ‘n steal a pack of tic-tacs for criminy’s sake. Your breath is so bad, when you call people on the phone, they get nauseous.
Weasel: What’s wrong with you, Wade?
Deadpool: I’m three thousand bucks poorer for starters...
Weasel: You used to be able to regenerate a whole limb in a matter of minutes! And have you noticed that you’ve been dropping weight?
Weasel: This is serious! Your healing factor’s out of synch, and if guys like T-Ray see any signs of weakness from you — Consider your back stabbed in advance.
Deadpool: It’s so precious when you mother me! Very Mister Belvedere of you.
C.F.: [Mumbling] Stupid Deadpool costmetwentybucksandIhavetobuyhimastupidbeer...
Weasel: You do need a mother... Or a wife to keep an eye on you! Maybe that irish girl —
C.F.: [Handing box to Deadpool] Here!
Deadpool: Have you forgotten what happened the last time you mentioned Siryn, Weaz? Of course you have, your breathing has returned to normal. What’s with the box, C.F.?
C.F.: Dunno, came for you by courier [Deadpool cuts the box open with a knife] — Whoa!
Deadpool: Goodie! Maybe it’s those rocket skates I ordered from the acme company! The last pair backfired and almost blew my legs halfway to my duodenum. But I’ll get that pesky road runner yet. With my life’s blood, I swear it!
Deadpool: [In the box is part of a map with a red dot on a certain location and Deadpool’s glove] I will not rest... hairy Zeus on a traffic light! [A note is attached to the glove] [Note] Got to hand it to you, lad, you’re a tough one to find. Thought you might want this back. — Your Pal,
Deadpool: [Holding the glove] ”BLACK TOM CASSIDY”?!
Deadpool: [Holding head] That irishspringsmellin’whiskeyswillin’leprechaunkissin’cornedbeefandhashmicrowavin’mutant scum — Taunt me, will you?! I’ll show you taunting! I’ll taunt you till you bleed out of your ears and run home to mamma!
Deadpool: [Pressing button on belt] Frikkin’ frakkin’ Black Tom crakkin’ wakkin’
C.F.: Deadpool’s really P.O.ED! At least he’s goin’ to take it out on someone else for a change! What did this Tom guy do anyway —?
Deadpool: Just in case you were wondering — [Deadpool shoves his hand into C.F.’s mouth]
C.F.: MEELLFFGH
Deadpool: — Black Tom had some chump cut off my hand and he kept it. I’m still a little sensitive about it. By the way, thanks for the delivery, C.F. Toodles.
C.F.: Glchh... Blech... Nff...
Weasel: It’s not you, C.F.... Really... Wade just has a problem with the concept of not killing the messenger... Honest.
Deadpool: [Digging through a box and throwing stuff out] WHERE THE #*&@%* IS IT?!
Al: It’s a miracle you find anything in this mess! I swear you’d lose your bola balls if they weren’t attached!
Deadpool: Zip it, Al! I’m in no mood for witty repartee! Black Tom has slapped me in my face with my own hand, and now there’s gonna be some bloody heck to pay! As soon as I find that stupid rassum frassum intercontinental coordinate translator so I can set my teleporter and zip over there...
Al: Is it smaller than a breadbox, lots o’ buttons, digital readout?
Deadpool: Yeah, you seen it?
Al: Nope, I’m blind, remember? But hey, I have a swell idea! Why don’t you skip off to Westchester and ask that nice Siryn girl if she’s seen her uncle?
Deadpool: [Standing in front of Al] Why, pray tell, would I want to do that?
Al: Well, a), she might have a plane or a car or taxi fare to get you to Black Tom... b), you’ve been spying on her for months now, so you might as well talk to her... And c), you’re gonna screw things up with her anyway, so why not do it in style?
Deadpool: You know what, you depraved old witch... That harebrained scheme’s just crazy enough to work! C’mere, you! [Deadpool throws Al into the air]
Al: WADE! I think you’re missing the nuance of my plan, Wade, but I’m glad you’re happy.
Deadpool: I’ll get to hang with Teresa, kill Black Tom, and get my hand back, all in one shot!
Al: Now put me down before I ralf up my geritol...
Deadpool: I’ll just pack a toothbrush and a magazine of hollow tips and it’s a date! Don’t wait up —
Al: [Just fell on the ground and is now dizzy] Wade! You left me all turned around! Which way am I pointing? [Al is pointing at a stairway that leads downward]
Deadpool: Oh, you’re pointing right towards your bedroom... Just take one giant step! See ya!
Al: Thanks Wade, you’re a kitten...
Siryn: [Thinking] — Then the fastball special was executed, allowing Wolverine to penetrate Master Mold’s chest cavity. Thus allowing Storm to launch a low level strafing run... See diagram 52.4.3... [Siryn sighs] [Thinking] ... I’ve been readin’ this stuff f’r hours now, an’I nae could have come up with that! I still have so much to learn if’n I’m to be t’be the junior leader of X-Force... But no one said it would be easy, now did they, Teresa Rourke? Maybe I’ll slip into me Siryn duds f’r a practice run in the danger room...
Siryn: [Thinking] Right after I give my eyeballs a chance to recuperate... Just f’r a moment... A long moment — [Someone knocks on Siryn’s door]
Siryn: Whoever it is, I’m studying! So unless meltdown’s blown up the PlayStation again, I’m —
Deadpool: Pizza!
Siryn: Pizza? Who is that? James?
Deadpool: Potato and cabbage pizza.
Siryn: Not James... It almost sounded like — [Siryn gets ready to open the door]
Deadpool] Candygram!
Siryn: [Siryn opens the door] DEADPOOL!
Deadpool] [Deadpool is wearing a pizza man disguise and holding a pizza box] I was gonna say ”Land Shark”, but Deadpool works too... How are you, Terry?
Siryn: What are ye doin’ here?! An’ what’s with that outlandish get up?
Deadpool: ”Get up?” This is a masterfully crafted disguise! I used it to slip into the mansion completely undetected! I mean, the teleporter helped too, but I’d heard that the beast is a sucker for a man in uniform...
Siryn: [Siryn takes Deadpool’s hand that’s missing a finger] Come ‘ere, ye big —Oh? Wade, what happened to y’r hand? Are ye alright?
Deadpool: Oh... That... Just a little... Accordion accident, nothing really — I —
Deadpool: [Deadpool stares at Siryn and thinks] Guh
Siryn: What?
Deadpool: Uh — Nothing. [Deadpool holds out the pizza box] Here, brain food. For you. Food.
Siryn: Thank ye, but y’r finger —
Deadpool: [Deadpool sees a bunch of books stacked up on each other on Siryn’s desk] What’s with the tomes, poindexter? You’re not goin’ geek on me, are you?
Siryn: No, I — Wade, Why are ye here? What’s going on?
Deadpool: Can’t a guy just teleport across the country for no reason? I just figured maybe you’d like to get some fresh air, hit the town — Maybe paint on one of those unstable molecule thingies you sizzle in and give us a turn — y’know, road trip!
Deadpool: [Deadpool turns off Siryn’s computer]
Siryn: Deadpool! My work!
Siryn: [Points at Deadpool] You cannae just pop in ‘n wreak havoc with my studies —! This is part of my job, and it’s very important! More so than yer silly shenanigans!
Deadpool: Shenanigans? Did you just curse me out in Irish? What’s with the ‘tude, Terry? And since when is homework better than playtime with —
Siryn: Since the world fell apart, Wade! Since everything changed f’r mutants! Ye of all people should understand what it means to have all the sense in y’r life torn away!
Deadpool: Fine. I get it now. The light bulb has turned on. Ding. When you want to do something like oh... break out of a mental asylum, then, sure, it’s peachy to call Deadpool... But when I want to do something, the books and the X-Mooks come first. “Wade who?” Got ya.
Siryn: Wade!
Deadpool: Sorry to have pestered you, Ms. Rourke. Try not to bore yourself to death.
Siryn: Wade! Look. I’m sorry. The pressure I’m under is just... [Sighs] Let’s talk about it over a slice — [Opens pizza box to see Deadpool’s glove] — What’s this?
Deadpool: It was my cute little way of telling you where we’re going on our road trip. But now —
Siryn: Where?
Deadpool: WHY... OFF TO KILL YOUR UNCLE TOM CASSIDY, OF COURSE! I call shotgun!
Siryn: [Siryn and Deadpool arrive at Uncle Tom’s cabin] [Thinking] Fine leadership skills, Teresa. Sneak off with one maniac in search of another without tellin’ a soul. I’m cracked. But if I dinnae come... Who knows what Deadpool would’ve done to Tom? Of course, if’n he really wanted to kill Tom, why tell me about it first?
Deadpool: If there’s one thing I’m going to remember your uncle for after I’ve gutted him and stuck his head on a pike — — It’s that he was a heck of a cartographer. That map was right on the money —
Deadpool: And heeeeeeere’s Uncle Tom’s cabin! I don’t think it’ll show up in the next issue of better-hideouts and gardens, but — — The ice floes in the sub-zero moat are simply charming. I wonder if he’s done the window treatments in chintz or tool.

Issue 3

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Deadpool (2012) #1: In Wade We Trust

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Emily Preston: No, Wade — you're not the hero we want, you're the scumbag we need!

See also

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Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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