Flubber is a 1996 comedy film and a remake of The Absent-Minded Professor (1961), directed by Les Mayfield (who had previously directed another John Hughes scripted remake, Miracle on 34th Street). The film was produced by Walt Disney Pictures.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard
- If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
- I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best.
- Martha George: [about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold in it?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight.
- Martha George: [gets a little tickled by that answers] I was talking about your excitement.
- Weebo: Maybe you should just go without me.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why?
- Weebo: Because I get car sick.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips.
- Weebo: No!
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: You don't have a stomach.
- Weebo: I have a queasy gyro.
- Wilson Croft: What happened between us, Phil?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.
- Wilson Croft: I won't deny that I hate you for your brilliance. I'm petty, corrupt. I probably would have gone mad trying to compete with you in pure thought. But, uh, I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter. And to that end, I have profited from your ideas.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why are you here?
- Wilson Croft: Well, to be honest, I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancée. And make her my wife.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.
[Smith and Wesson discuss the incident at Brainard's house]
- Chester Hoenicker: All right. One more time, what happened?
- Wesson: He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and...
[Wesson makes a popping sound]
- Wesson: ...popped Smith in the head.
- Smith: Several times.
- Chester Hoenicker: Mm-hmm.
- Wesson: I got hit with a bowling ball.
- Smith: Repeatedly.
- Chester Hoenicker: Were you drinking?
- Wesson: No.
- Smith: Two beers at dinner. Wesson had a white wine.
- Wesson: With dinner.
- Chester Hoenicker: Right.
- Wesson: It's this stuff he's got, sir. It's... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but...
[Smith and Wesson both sigh and showed Chester Hoenicker their bruises from the balls]
- Wesson: ...It will give you one heck of a headache.
- Chester Hoenicker: Oh... goodness.
[after two of Brainard's balls hit Smash and Wesson while testing the Flubber, the bowling ball knocks the cap off a tank of a compressed gas]
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!
- Rutland: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
- Refree: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!
- Father: There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, okay?
[Flubber crashes through the neighbor's window, bounces around and the boy covers himself in a blanket]
[Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard and Sara Reynolds are visiting Hoenicker to discuss Flubber]
- Chester Hoenicker: You came to repay your loan?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: No.
- Chester Hoenicker: I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I'm here to sell you the Flubber.
- Chester Hoenicker: You been to your house recently?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Yes.
- Chester Hoenicker: Do I really need to buy it?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it?
- Chester Hoenicker: My man is working on it. It won't be a problem.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber.
- Chester Hoenicker: I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine.
- Sara Reynolds: That's not fair.
- Chester Hoenicker: Shop somewhere else, lady.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Sara. Sara. I'll do it.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Weebo--I've solved all our problems!
- Weebo: [showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber is going to the basketball game.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love.
[at the end of the movie, Flubber, who was on the flying car with Philip Brainard and Sara, who are now married, lands on a window of an airplane where a little boy looks out]
- Weebette: [to Sara] Mom. Mom. Flubber's gone. [to Flubber] Get back here!
[Flubber returns to Philip Brainard, Sara, and Weebette]
- Weebette: When we get to the hotel, I don't care what you say. I'm not sharing a room with him. Look at him. He's gross. He bounces all the time. He squeaks. He phase-shifts. I mean, he's a quasi-plasmoid. If it's hot in Hawaii, I hope he melts.
- Weebo: Um, Professor? Why the long face?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I think you know why.
- Weebo: [Showing a picture of Sara] Maybe a Sara issue?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Wish I understand human beings. Wish I understand women. Wish I understand emotions and passions. Wish I understand any of that. If I did, I woudn't have had to spend my entire life in a laboratory trying to figure out how the world works. I would've been out in the world trying to figure out why it works. [Weebo records Phillip Brainard on her display screen] I know I love her, Weebo. Every neuron in my limbic system is saturated with phenylethylamine. That triggers euphoria, elation exhilaration. Truth is, Weebo, I'm not absent-minded because I'm selfish, crazy or inconsiderate. I'm absent-minded because I'm in love with Sara.
- Weebo: Oh, Professor.
[Medfield has defeated Rutland as a result of the players' "flubberized" shoes]
- Chester Hoenicker: Brainard had something to do with this.
- Wesson: I-It's the same stuff we saw the other night, over at his house.
- Chester Hoenicker: (sarcastically) Right.
- The stuff dreams are made of.
- What is flubber?
- Catch it if you can!
- Robin Williams as Professor Philip Brainard
- Marcia Gay Harden as Doctor Sara Jean Reynolds
- Christopher McDonald as Wilson Croft
- Ted Levine as Wesson
- Jodi Benson as the voice of Weebo
- Clancy Brown as Smith
- Pinto Colvig provided the voice of Flubber
- Raymond J. Barry as Chester Hoenicker
- Wil Wheaton as Bennett Hoenicker
- Edie McClurg as Martha George
- Leslie Stefanson as Sylvia (Weebo's hologram)
- Julie Morrison as the voice of Weebette