Roddy St. James
- This wacko has been chasing after me!
- I'm being attacked by a madwoman! She's got crayons!
- When the cats away, the mice will play!
- Feeling a little tongue-tied?
- What are you, some kind of rat boomerang?!
- Oi! Kermit!
- Go, go, purple custard!
- Careful, mate! Those aren't chocolate buttons!
- I would not do that if I was you, pal. Let me lay this out for you: this place is mine now. Sid says, "Jump!", you say, "How high?". Hey-hey! Comprende?
- You plonker! Think I don't know a toilet when I see one?
- [before flushing Roddy down the toilet] Bon voyage, me old cream cracker!
- What a loo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooser!
- [When Roddy is dragging him towards the toilet] No, please don't flush me, Roddy! I can't survive down there! I've gone soft!
- Huzzah! A man of quality!
- Pardon me. My fly's undone.
- I said you'd find it diverting. Not amusing!
- Ice him! Ice them both!
- Let's see if there's anything good in the fridge.
- Prepare to meet your maker... your ice maker. [cackling evilly]
- Good bye, vermin!
- [To Spike and Whitey] Faster, you idiots! They're escaping!
- No! Not the master cable! Put that back!
- [Repeated line] JUST GET THE CABLE!
- You incompetent cheese-eaters! You let them escape?!
- Once it is returned, my plan will be complete. To wash away, once and for all, the curse, the scourge of... rats.
- [To Le Frog] Perhaps you forget that it was a rat who cast me from paradise.
- Oh, you think you're so clever, don't you? Well, I'll be the one laughing when every last revolting rat is flushed away! For I shall repopulate the city... with these!
- GOOD BYE RAT!!!"
- Rita, Rita, Rita. [Evil Laugh] You thought you give us a slip? [slips down on Jammy Dodger] Keep still, Connie! Right!
- [giggles] Okay, are we going to do it the easy way, or the hard way?
- Right! Rip 'em up, lads!
- It's in here somewhere! I can feel it in me guts!
- Alright! Alright! It's time to bring out... the Persuader. [The Persuader chomps a nut]
- [As himself] Your choice, mate. You can talk now or you can talk later. Ain't that right, Persuader? [As the Persuader] Yeah, but in a much higher voice!
- [As the Persuader] You'll be singing like a tea kettle. [As himself] [laughs] Good one, Persuader.
- Come on, then. Spit it out!
- Blimey, it's cold!
- Hit men don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrassing me.
- Keep your legs straight when you hit the water!
- Target at twelve o'clock!
- You look pretty ridiculous now, Millicent.
- Enough games. To the ratmobiles!
- There they are! Go get them, lads!
- Danger is my middle name.
- Any last requests?
- I'm upset now.
- I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.
- I think we should do it the easy way, don't you Spike?
- That'll be last night's curry. I'm the same, I got a bum like the Japanese flag.
- The persuader's alive, Spike!
- The booty's in the booty.
- [Talking to Roddy while going to the Toad] So you're from Up Top, eh? I-- I used to work in a laboratory Up Top. Yeah. Big shampoo job. I-- I was dark grey when we started. Yeah. Still, it cleared up me dandruff! [laughs, snorts]
- I kept me legs straight, Spike!
- Keep your legs straight!
- Focused. Cable-centric, boss.
- Would that be port or starboard, Spike?
- Scrabble! [laughs, snort]
- I saw an opportunity and I seized it.
- I thought it was Lesley.
- En Garde!
- [First line, when the Toad sternly notes he is late] Fashionably late, my annoying English cousin. I know no other way.
- Forgive me, my warty English cousin, but this bizarre obsession with the rats; it is not good for you. You are becoming what we French call... "Le Fruitcake!"
- Oh mon dieu.
- You're gonna make me throw up.
- It is so dark, so cold, so terrible!
- I find everyone's pain funny but my own. I'm French!
- You're going to pay for that, my little chocolate croissant. But first, a word from our sponsor. [Clicks his fingers] Marcel?
- [On the Toad] He's cuckoo, but family.
- I have triumphed! You stupid English, with your Yorkshire puddings and your chips and fish! You thought you could defeat Le Frog? Un... Deux... Trois!
- The Toad: Where are those idiots? [to his tadpoles] It's so hard to get hope these days, my boys. Yes, that's right. [The Toad speaks in a baby voice] Oh, come on out, my lovelies. Cheer your old dad up. Poor Daddy, surrounded by flithy rats in this joyless, sunless void! But don't worry, my little men. Daddy will get rid of them all! He will. They'll all be deady-weady. [The Toad kisses the jar, and his tadpoles hug their daddy from inside. Spike and Whitey arrive. The Toad hides his jar, but still has his baby voice.] Did you find it?
- Spike: Eh?
- The Toad: [snaps out of it] Did you find it?
- Spike: Well, we got most of it, boss. [he and Whitey show The Toad pieces of the ruby, and The Toad knocks it out of their paws]
- The Toad: Forget the ruby! It's the master cable that I want. The one that grubby creature Rita took.
- Spike and Whitey: Oh!
- The Toad: Without it, my plan is ruined!
- Spike: Okay, chief. Forget the ruby. Ruby's gone. See? See? Moving on. We are now your cable guys.
- Whitey: Focused. Cable-centric, boss.
- The Toad: You need to be back in time for the World Cup Final.
- Spike: Oh, great! Are we watching the game together, boss?
- The Toad: JUST GET THE CABLE!!!
- Whitey: Keep your legs straight!
- Tadpole: Is this the glorious amphibian dawn, dad?
- The Toad: Anything for you, my little man.
- Tadpole: Can I have a pony?
- The Toad: No.
- Tadpole: A puppy?
- The Toad: We'll talk about it.
- Tadpole: Can we talk about it now?
- The Toad: No!
[Suddenly, all of the tadpoles in the tank start clamoring for a puppy]
- The Toad: No! You can't all have puppies, please! Daddy's working!
- Lady: Feed the flies! Tuppence a bag!
- Hugh Jackman as Roderick "Roddy" St. James
- Kate Winslet as Rita Malone
- Ian McKellen as The Toad
- Jean Reno as Le Frog
- Andy Serkis as Spike
- Bill Nighy as Whitey
- Shane Richie as Sid