Friends (season 7)

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The following is a list of quotes from the seventh season of Friends.

The One with Monica's Thunder [7.01][edit]

[Monica opens the door to find Ross and Rachel kissing in the hallway.]
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have opened the door to the past!... I know what you're trying to do! You're trying to steal my thunder!
Rachel: Oh, no honey — we weren't trying to steal your thunder, honest. No one was meant to see!
Monica : Right, now I get it. That's why you two were kissing in the secret hallway where nobody ever goes!

Chandler: You have had lot of sex right?
Joey: Today? Some, not a lot.

The One with Rachel's Book [7.02][edit]

Judy Geller: We might have some money if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.
Jack Geller: It seemed like such a simple idea.
Judy: Stupid, Jack, the word is stupid.

Rachel: What happened at dinner?
Monica: My parents spent the money for our wedding.
Phoebe: My...what did you order?

The One with Phoebe's Cookies [7.03][edit]

Phoebe: You know, I think my grandmother would be proud that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I'm sure she's looking up at us and smiling.
Ross: Looking up?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! She was nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.

Joey: Look at this clown. Just 'cause he got a bigger boat, he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coast is way over there.

The One with Rachel's Assistant [7.04][edit]

Ross: [quietly to Chandler] How could you tell her?!
Chandler: I had to! We're getting married! Couples can't keep secrets from one another!
Ross: Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City!
Chandler: DU-UUUDE!!
Rachel: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say "DU-UUUDE"?!
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at him. After a while he goes over to her, and a minute later I see them kissing. Now you're thinking, "Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls!" And you're right, he's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls! [widens his eyes]
Rachel: You kissed a guy?!
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy!
Ross: I laughed so hard...
Chandler: ...that we had to throw out your underwear again?!
Ross: Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

Chandler: In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!
Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won!
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried!
Ross: Hey! I welled up!
[Monica is laughing hard]
Ross: You find that funny? Maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets!
Monica: I already told him everything! You shush!
Ross: Once, Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she made!
Monica: Ross used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!
Ross: Monica couldn't tell time till she was 13!
Monica: It's hard for some people!
Chandler: Of course it is! [secretly backs off and mouths 'whoa']
Monica: Chandler once wore my underwear to work!
Chandler: HEY!
Monica: I'm sorry! I couldn't think of any more for Ross!
Ross: In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
Chandler: That was you!
Ross: Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

The One with the Engagement Picture [7.05][edit]

Rachel: Hey, look, look. Phoebe's talking to "Cute Coffeehouse Guy."
Ross: You guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy? We call him "Hums While He Pees."
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom."
Phoebe: [walks in] Hey, you guys — "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out!

[Monica and Chandler are looking at photos.]
Monica: Chandler, what is wrong with your face? This picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron." [The photographer laughs.] Hey, don't laugh at him. He's my drowning moron.

The One with the Nap Partners [7.06][edit]

[Ross, Chandler and Joey sit on a couch watching a movie]
Chandler: Die Hard, still great!
Joey: Hey, what do you say we make a double feature?
Ross: What else did you rent?
Joey: Die Hard 2!
Chandler: Joe, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Joey: Ohh..well if we watch it a second time then it's Die Hard 2!
Ross: Joey we just saw it.
Joey: And?
Ross: And it would be cool to see it again!
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!
Ross [to Chandler]: Dude, you didn't say Die Hard. Is everything okay?
Chandler: Yeah, I just..I got plans.
Ross: Well, John McClane had plans.
Chandler: Alright, you see the thing is..I wanna get outta here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody "bitch".
Joey: What are you talkin' about...bitch?

The One with Ross's Library Book [7.07][edit]

Phoebe: You have no idea how amazing she is..
Joey: No idea ? Who do you think brought her here?
Rachel: Cupid!
Phoebe: Joey, she is so cool, she speaks 4 languages.
Joey: Man, do you know what guys want?

Ross: People are doing 'it' in front of my book!

Joey: It was awkward. We were both nervous.
Phoebe: Didn't you sleep together?
Joey: Yeah.. That really calms me down..

The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs [7.08][edit]

Joey: The question, Rachel, is this: does he like you? Otherwise, it's just a moo point.
Rachel:Uh, Joe — a moo point?
Joey: You know, like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?

The One with All the Candy [7.09][edit]

Joey: [watching a discussion between Monica and a neighbor] Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?
Chandler: Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?
Monica: [still talking to the woman] All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody!
Woman: [exasperated] Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me!
Joey and Chandler: Yeah, that's her.

Monica: Ross! My neighbors ate all my candy!
Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!

The One with the Holiday Armadillo [7.10][edit]

[Chandler dressed as Santa, has just been asked to leave]
Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.

[Monica and Chandler kiss.]
Monica: Hey, do you think you can keep that suit a little longer?
Chandler: Santa? Really?
Monica: Yeah. Is that okay?
Chandler: Did your dad ever dress up as Santa?
Monica: No.
Chandler: Then it's OKAY!

[Ross, dressed as a "Holiday Armadillo", has been telling Ben a Hanukkah story]
Chandler: (dressed as Santa) My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt! (Joey, dressed as Superman, grins)
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part!

The One with All the Cheesecakes [7.11][edit]

Monica: Here's Frannie. Huh! Won't she be happy to see me?
Ross: Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn’t bring you here so you can ambush her.
Monica: Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to Mom.
Ross: That bitch!

Frannie: Monica? What, what are you...?
Monica: What am I doing here? You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me? Why? Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done? Stuart!
Frannie: I believe you know my husband.
Ross: So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done.

The One Where They're Up All Night [7.12][edit]

Phoebe: There it is. Look at that.. Isn't mother of nature amazing?
Chandler: That's a plane..
Phoebe: Well.. Allright.. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high.. That's pretty amazing too.

Ross: Look at all those stars. Infinite space. Really makes you wonder.
Joey: You know what else makes you wonder? Check out the rack on this chick!

Phoebe: [to beeping fire alarm] WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Joey: Man.. I'm starving. What was I thinking at dinner? "Do you want soup or salad?" Both.. Always order both..

Voice from Outside: Phoebe Buffay!
Phoebe: Fire Alarm?

Fireman: We found your fire alarm in the trash.
Phoebe: It's not mine.
Fireman: Yes, it is.
Phoebe: How do you know?
Fireman: If you dump a fire alarm next time, don't use a blanket that says "Property of Phoebe Buffay, Not Monica."

Joey: Oh my.. How much do you weigh, Ross?
Ross: I prefer not to answer that, as I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.

The One Where Rosita Dies [7.13][edit]

Joey: What are you doin'?
Rachel: Moving a chair so I can have a place to sit?
Joey: No, no, Rosita does not move.
Rachel: As in... what?
Joey: As in... Rosita does not move!
Rachel: Why not?
Joey: 'Cause she is in the equal distance from the kitchen to the bathroom, and she is at the perfect angle so that no glare is comin' off Stevie.
Rachel: Stevie, the TV?
Joey: Is there a problem?

The One Where They All Turn Thirty [7.14][edit]

Joey: [To Rachel] Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.
Ross: Oh really? Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?
[Flashback to Joey's thirtieth birthday]
Joey: Why God, why?! We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Joey: "Why God, why are You doing this to us?!?"

Ross: "Lift! And Slide!"

The One with Joey's New Brain [7.15][edit]

Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and —
Monica: What is DOOL?
Joey: Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!
All: Oh!
Chandler: That's great!
Joey: And — and — and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!

Ross: What? A Brain transplant?
Joey: Yes, its a highly controversial procedure.
Ross: It's ridiculous!
Joey: Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't sex in three and a half months.
Ross: It’s winter. There are fewer people on the street.

Monica: Why is your family Scottish?
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?

The One with Truth About London [7.16][edit]

[Chandler and Monica start to make out.]
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk enough that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: That's the perfect amount!

[Monica and Chandler jump under the bedcovers. Chandler swiftly doffs his clothes.]
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.

The One with the Cheap Wedding Dresses [7.17][edit]

Monica: You stick to your job.
Phoebe: What's your job?
Chandler: Staying out of the way.

Joey: We gotta spending limit on the date, I cant take her to a fancy place like that.
Ross: Well, Sorry. That's what I do on dates.
Joey: [By stretching hands] Well, I guess I'll just do what I do on dates.
Ross: So, Let's decide on spending limits.
Joey: $6?
Ross: I was thinking more like $100.
Joey: Okay.. Can I borrow $94?

The One with Joey's Award [7.18][edit]

Joey: You guys are not gonna believe this. I just talked to my agent and ..
Phoebe: Oh my... [Joey looks surprisingly] I'm sorry. Too soon. You Go..

Rachel: Do you know what behalf means ?
Joey: It's a verb. I-be-half in it.

Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! You know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love.
Ross: Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: How'd you get over that teacher?
Rachel: I didn't. I got under him.
Joey:(To Ross) Problem solved.

The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin'' [7.19][edit]

Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.
Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America.

[Ross and his attractive cousin Cassie are reminiscing.]
Ross: And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out?
Ross: I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.

The One with Rachel's Big Kiss [7.20][edit]

Chandler: Batman is so much cooler than James Bond.
Monica: What? 007 has all those gadgets.
Chandler: Batman has a utility belt.
Monica: 007 has a fancy car.
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile.
Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.
Chandler: Batman has Robin.

The One with the Vows [7.21][edit]

Monica: Do you realize that in four weeks from today, we're gonna be married? Four weeks, baby, FOUR WEEKS!
Chandler: Do you realize that you get louder every week?

Phoebe: You know? 9 out of 10 weddings end in divorce.
Ross: That's not true.
Phoebe: Yeah. You're right. Where is the missus?

Ross: How did you write this?
Chandler: I stole from Monica and changed the name.
Ross: You can't do that.
Joey: If he goes first, he can.

The One with Chandler's Dad [7.22][edit]

Ross: You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.
Rachel: Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.

Mr. Bing: [Coming on the stage in drag] Hello, darlings.
Chandler: And there's Daddy.

Joey: Hey, Pheebs, check it out. [Shows Phoebe he's wearing a lacy women's thong]
Phoebe: Hmm, nice. Manly, and also kind of a slut.

Rachel: You have a son.
Ross: I know...

The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 1 [7.23][edit]

[Chandler's parents meet up at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler's father is now a transvestite.]
Charles Bing: Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Nora Bing: Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?

Rachel: Do you realize this is probably the last time we're all gonna be here in the coffee house as six single people?
Phoebe: Why, what's happening to the coffee house?!

Chandler: From now on it's gonna be the four of you guys and me and the Mrs. Little Woman. Wife. The old ball and chain.
Monica: Old?
Chandler: Young hot ball and chain.

Ross: I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: What's up?
Ross: This may be a little awkward..
Chandler: Listen, if you wanna borrow money it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Ross: No, it's not that. What I'm gonna say to you I'm not saying it as your friend, I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.
Chandler: But you're still my friend?
Ross: Not for the next few minutes.
Chandler: During this time, are you still my best man?
Ross: Nope.
Chandler: Can I still call you Ross?
Ross: Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica's older brother I have to tell you this: If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass. [Chandler bursts out laughing] What? I'm serious [Chandler laughs again] Hey dude! Stop it okay? I'm not kidding here!
Chandler: I hear what you're saying and thanks for the warning.
Ross: No problem.
Chandler: So we're friends again?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me!

The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 2 [7.24][edit]

[The future in-laws, including Chandler's cross-dressing father Charles, are chatting.]
Sandra Green: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Nora Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Charles Bing: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.
Nora Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.

[Best man Ross is walking down the aisle with bridesmaids Phoebe and Rachel.]
Ross: This is nice.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce!