He says, "Welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy!" Only he didn't use "frickin'".
Ya'know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags, but that isn't true at all. [flashes Quill a wink; the Sovereigns gasp] Oh, shit. I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I? I'm sorry, that was meant from the back.
I'm sorry, I can only effort to lose one friend today.
Whoa! Whoa! There must be some kind of peaceful resolution to this, fellas... or even a violent one where I'm standing over there.
We thank you, Guardians, for putting your lives on the line. We could not risk the lives of our own Sovereign citizens. Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable, both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny…germinating them in birthing pods.
Guardians…perhaps it will provide you solace that your deaths are not without purpose. They will serve as a warning to all of those tempted with betraying us. Don't screw with the Sovereign!
[from trailer] I see it within you - fear, jealousy, betrayal. It is our duty to cleanse the universe of this weakness.
Pilots, release envoy units. Our sensors detect the batteries are below the surface of the planet. Dive!
I need to fulfill life's one true purpose, to grow and spread, covering all that exists until everything is... me!
Your associates are welcome. [seeing Rocket] Even the triangle faced monkey.
My life, my love, my lady is the sea. Peter, this is the sea.
Come now, Peter. I know this isn't what you want. What kind of father would I be to let you make this choice?
Soon, Peter, we will be all there is. So stop pissing me off!
I loved your mother, Peter! I couldn't stand to set foot on an earth when she wasn't living! You can't imagine what that's like!
I told you... I don't want to do this alone. You cannot deny the purpose the universe has bestowed upon you! It doesn't need to be like this, Peter. WHY ARE YOU DESTROYING OUR CHANCE?! Stop pretending you aren't what you are! One in billions... trillions...even more! WHAT GREATER MEANING CAN LIFE POSSIBLY HAVE TO OFFER?!?
Meredith: [to "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass]There's a girl in this harbor town
And she works layin' whiskey down
They say, Brandy, fetch another round
She serves them whiskey and wine
The sailors say, Brandy, you're a fine girl
What a good wife you would be.
[Cut to Ego driving into Dairy Queen, pulling Meredith into a field]
Rocket: They were not looking at you funny! [the Abilisk falls onto Sovereign] Well. That's intense. [as the Abilisk lands, Drax, Gamora, Rocket and Quill fight against the Abilisk as Baby Groot connects two cords and dances to "Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra]
Ayesha: I see it within you. An unorthodox genealogy. A hybrid that seems particularly…reckless.
Drax: Gamora is not the one for you, Quill.
Quill: Dang shadow.
Drax: There are two types of beings in the universe: those who dance, and those who do not.
Drax: I first met my beloved at a war rally.
Quill: Oh, gosh...
Drax: Everyone in the village flailed about, dancing. Except one woman. My Ovette. I knew immediately she was the one for me. The most melodic song in the world could be playing ... she wouldn't even tap her foot. Wouldn't move a muscle. One might assume she was dead.
Quill: That does sound pretty hot.
Drax: It would make my nether regions engorge.
Quill: Okay. I get it, yes. I'm a dancer, Gamora is not.
Drax: You just need to find a woman who is pathetic, like you.
Quill: Thanks, buddy.
Rocket: Quill, later on tonight, you're gonna be laying down on your bed, there's gonna be something squishy in your pillowcase. And you're gonna be like, "What's this?", and it's gonna be because I put a turd in there!
Quill: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you!
Rocket: Oh, it won't be my turd, it'll be Drax's.
Drax: [laughing] I have famously huge turds!
Gamora: A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket: Well, if he got closer, well, I'm sure he'd be much larger.
Quill: Yeah, that's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket: DON'T CALL ME A RACCOON!
Quill: I'm sorry, I took it too far. I meant "trash panda".
Rocket: [genuinely curious] Is that better?
Drax: I don't know.
Quill: It's worse. It's so much worse.
Ego: After all these years, I found you.
Quill: And who the hell are you?
Ego: I figured my rugged good looks would make that obvious. My name is Ego... and I'm your dad, Peter.
Quill: To help him fight crime, and to be supportive!
Gamora: As a child, you would carry his picture in your pocket and you would tell all the other children that he was your father, but that he was out of town shooting Knight Rider or touring with his band in Germany.
Quill: I told you that when I was drunk. Why are you bringing that up now?
Gamora: I love that story.
Quill: I hate that story.
Gamora: It's so sad!
Quill: As a kid, I used to see all the other kids off playing catch with their dad. And I wanted that, more than anything in the world!
Gamora: [referring to Ego] That's my point, Peter. What if this man is your Hasselhoff?
Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Quill: Yeah, I guess I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody around me.
Mantis: No. Romantic, sexual love…
Quill: No…no, I don't.
Mantis: For her!
Quill: No! That is not. [Drax laughs uproariously] Okay. [groaning] That's…
Drax: Hahaha! She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Quill: Dude, come on! I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Drax: You must be so embarrassed! [laughs as Gamora shakes her head in amusement; to Mantis] Do me! Do me, do me!
Mantis: [puts a hand on Drax's chest, and immediately starts laughing along with him] I have never felt such humor!
Ego: I desired…meaning. There must be some life out there in the universe. Besides me, I thought. So, I set myself the task of finding it. I created what I thought biological life to be like, down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smoosh her!
Quill: I... [groaning] I don't need to hear how my parents, uh…
Drax: Why?! My father would tell the story of him impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Quill: That's disgusting!
Drax: [offended] It was beautiful! You Earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax…I've got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you.
Ego: …and it's not half-bad.
Drax: Those pools, they remind me of a time when I took my daughter to the forgotten lakes of my home world. She was like you.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: ...He's relieved you don't want him to.
Groot: I am Groot!
Rocket: ...He hates hats.
Groot: I am Groot...
Rocket: On anyone, not just himself.
Groot: I am Groot?
Rocket: 1 minute you think someone has a weird shaped head. Next, you realize it's because part of that head is shaped like a hat. [to Baby Groot]That's why you don't like hats? [Baby Groot nods]
Yondu: It ain't healthy for a mammalian body to hop more than 50 jumps at a time.
Rocket: I know that.
Yondu: We're about to do 700!
Quill: [about Gamora's distrust on Ego] You know what?! This isn't Cheers after all! This is whatever the show is where one person is willing to open themselves up to new possibility, and the other person is a jerk who doesn't trust anybody! It's a show that doesn't exist! That's why it would get ZERO RATINGS!
Gamora: I DON'T KNOW WHAT CHEERS IS!!!
Quill: I finally found my family! Don't you understand that?!
Mantis: [shaking Drax awake] Drax! We need to talk!
Drax: I'm sorry, but I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Drax: I tried to let you down easily by telling you you were disgusting. (Drax begins retching)
Mantis: What are you doing?
Drax: Ugh, I'm imagining...being with you physically.
Mantis: Drax, that's not what I... I don't like you like that! I don't even mate with the... type of thing you are!
Drax: Hey! There's no need to get personal.
Mantis: Listen! Ego has gotten exactly what he wanted. I should have told you earlier. I am stupid! You are in danger!
Watcher Informant: Oh, man. Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, at that time, I was a Federal Express man...
Rocket: [to Yondu] What are you laughing at me for?
Yondu: You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket: You don't know anything about me, loser!
Yondu: I know everything about you. I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest but actually you're the most scared of all.
Rocket: SHUT UP!
Yondu: I know you steal batteries you don't need and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you 'cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is!
Rocket: I said, "shut up"!
Yondu: I know them scientists what made you, never gave a rat's ass about you!
Rocket: I'm serious, dude!
Yondu: Just like my own damn parents who sold me... their own little baby, into slavery! I know who you are, boy, because you're me.
Rocket: ... What kind of a pair are we?
Nebula: All any of you do is yell at each other. You're not friends.
Drax: You're right...we're family. We leave no one behind. Except maybe you.[Nebula smirks at the Guardians]
Drax: [to Baby Groot] Out of the way, dumber, smaller Groot!
Gamora: [to Quill] I told you something didn't feel right.
Quill: "I told you so." Just what I need to hear right now.
[Back on Sovereign, Sovereign Chambermaid rushes over to Ayesha]
Sovereign Chambermaid: High priestess. The council is waiting.
Ayesha: They are perturbed I've wasted our resources. When they see what I have created here, their wrath will dissipate.
Sovereign Chambermaid: [looks at the pod] It's a new type of … birthing pod, ma'am?
Ayesha: That, my child, is the next step in our evolution. More powerful, more beautiful — more capable of destroying the Guardians of the Galaxy. I think I shall call him … Adam (Warlock).
[Quill walks in a room; Groot, who is playing on a holographic device, is growing back and is in adolescent stage as his room is a mess]
Quill: [disgusted] Ugh. Dude. Seriously? You gotta clean up room. It's a complete mess.
Teen Groot: I am Groot.
Quill: I'm not boring. You're boring! You know what's boring? Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game. What's boring is me, tripping over your vines every day. I'm not boring.
Teen Groot: [mocking] I am Groot.
Quill: And now I know how Yondu felt…
Zardu Hasselfrau: In these times of hardship, just remember we are Groot!
Watcher Informant: [to the Watchers] Hey, fellas. Hey, wait, where're you goin'? Hey, you were supposed to be my lift home. How will I get outta here? Hey, oh, gee! I've got so many more stories to tell. Aw, guys. Oh, gee...