ICarly (season 3)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the third season of iCarly.

iThink They Kissed[edit]

Spencer: Okay, calm down--
Carly: NEVER TELL A GIRL TO CALM DOWN!
Carly: And she thought her thumb was missing.
Freddie: Is it?
Carly: No!

iSpeed Date[edit]

Carly: You're in trouble!
Sam: Who has urine trouble?
Carly: No! You tweeted about me spitting in Nate's eye!
Sam: It was a totally tweetworthy event!
Carly: Maybe, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't tweet about my personal spit!

Carly: I can't believe you embarrassed me like that in front of the whole web!
Sam: Well, if you didn't want me to do it, then why didn't you say something?
Carly: You duct-taped my mouth shut!
Sam: Come on, you might get a really cool guy!
Carly: Or a psychopath with a chainsaw!

Spencer: Come here, we need to talk.
Carly: (sits down) What about?
Spencer: Well... Okay. You're going to a dance tonight. You know... with a new guy.
Carly: Mmm-hmmm.
Spencer: So I just think it's time you and I had a little talk about...
Carly: (interrupts) I'm not having this conversation!
Spencer: Thank you so much!

Freddie: Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon. (holds up bacon)
Sam: (really fast) Whoa, Freddie, I never realized what a hot handsome hunk of boy you really are.

Spencer: So, you wanna take Carly to the dance?
Clark: I'd rather just make out with her.
Spencer: NEXT!

Austin: Have you guys ever went to Fresno?
[After Austin changes the subject several times]
Carly: SHUT UP!
Austin: What? I was just--
Carly: SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
Austin: (Freddie looks at Austin angrily and T-Bo watches Carly's outburst) What's your deal?
Carly: My deal is, you haven't let me finish one sentence all night and I can't take it anymore! It's like you won't even let me--
Austin: What are you trying to say?
Carly: GET OUT OF HERE! (he does)

[During the speed date]
T-Bo: Wanna buy a pepper?
Carly: NO!
T-Bo: A buck each.
Carly: T-BO!
T-Bo': OH, OK!

iCarly Awards[edit]

Sam: Dude, it's enormous...
Spencer: I know!
Freddie: It's like 10-Feet tall!
Spencer: Yeah. Its like what you said: One 10-feet iCarly award.
Carly: NO! We said 10 1-foot iCarly Awardsssss...

Carly: You just want to flirt with models in swimsuits.
Spencer: That is absolutely true!

Spencer: FREDDIE! FREDDIE!
Freddie: (arrives from upstairs) What is the problem?
Spencer: You said HOT EUROPEAN swimsuit models!
Freddie: Ahhhh, I didn't say they were hot.
Spencer: Yeah, and you didn't say they were DUDES, either!

Spencer: BOOM! (gives Gibby two awards)
Gibby: Two? You're getting faster.
Spencer: Never underestimate the power of shirtless European men in swimsuits!
Gibby: ...I never do!

Sam: And now, since I drank five sodas before we started tonight, I must go pee.
Carly: Sam!
Sam: You want my bladder to explode live on the internet?
Carly: Ew, no.

Spencer: [To the European swimsuit model] Blabvin, you put the hair... on the statue's feet.
Blabvin: [nods] Yes.
Spencer: Well, do women in your country have hair on their feet?
Blabvin: [nods sheepishly] ...Yes...

Spencer: [to the European swimsuit models] And guys. This is America, so the women's hair goes on their head...
Swimsuit models: [nodding] Ohhhhh!

Bookshnog: Guyz! Ze photographer iz 'ere! Turn up ze muzic now!

iHave My Principals[edit]

Sam: You got that on video.
Mr. Howard: No.
Sam: Then I didn't do it.
Carly: Why are we in trouble?!
Mr. Howard: Stop asking that!

Carly: No fudge balls were harmed during this web show.
Sam: Yeah, they were.
Carly: Oh, right, a man sat on them.

Principal Franklin: I've been fired.
Sam and Freddie: What?! Why?!
Sam: Dude, we gotta stop doing that...

Gibby: Mr. Howard just gave me detention.
Mr. Howard: Triple detention!
Gibby: VOLCANO!!! [vomits in a nearby trash can]

T-Bo: You wanna buy a donut?
Freddie: No, we're having a meeting.
Sam: Why'd you stick the donuts on that way?
T-Bo: What you saying?
Freddie: Well, they're donuts, they have a hole right in the middle.
Sam: But you put the stick through the sides.
T-Bo: Man. This is embarrassing.

[After Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Principal Franklin finish talking]
T-Bo: You wanna buy a doughnut? [angrier, to Carly, Sam, and Freddie] I fixed 'em.

Sam: Ugh, I can't believe school's actually gotten worse.
Carly: Shh.
Freddie: Be quiet.
Sam: [shrewishly] I don't wanna be quiet! I hate these clothes! Wearing blue and khaki makes me feel like a nub! [to Freddie] No offense to you and all the other nubs in the world.
Carly: [warns Sam] You shouldn't criticize the dress code out loud.
Sam: Why? It's not like they're gonna hear me, and how come I gotta--
Ms. Briggs: Sam Puckett, principal's office!
Sam: Huh? Why?
Ms. Briggs: I heard you.
[Carly and Freddie look at Sam with an "I TOLD YOU SO" face]

Mr. Howard: You! Wipe that look off your face!
Freddie: This isn't a look! It's just my face!
Mr. Howard: Well, you should get your money back.
Carly: (grabs Freddie by the shoulder) Okay, we've gotta get Principal Franklin his job back!
Freddie: Shhhhhh! Don't say that--
Mrs. Briggs: Carly Shay, to the principal's office!
Carly: Coming! (to Freddie) I'm so scared!
Freddie: (walks up to Gibby and pats him) Freddie's gotcha...

(after Principal Franklin is given his job back)
Carly: Okay, you have no idea how psyched we are that you're back.
Principal Franklin: You are in big trouble, Carly! And so are you two! I was very clear yesterday when I told you that I did not want you-(Carly interrupts him) What, what?
Carly: He's gone!
Principal Franklin: (long pause) ...I love you guys. (the four start cheering and hi-fiving each other)
Gibby: (runs into the hall shirtless) YEAH! YEAH, UH-HUH! (the four look at him oddly, and the episode ends as they continue hi-fiving)

iFind Lewbert's Lost Love[edit]

Spencer: TV remotes?! WHY?!
Chuck: 'Cause my dad grounded me and he won't let me watch TV for a month, and if I can't watch TV, then nobody gets to!
Spencer: But if you're the thief, why did you join the building watch patrol?
Chuck: 'Cause no one suspects a guy in a vest!
Spencer: Well, I'm sorry, Chuck, but you dishonored the vest! I'm calling the police!
Chuck: Then you better tell them you need a new pearphone.
Spencer: What, this is the new G5. What's wrong it?
(Chuck smashes his new phone, beats up Spencer, and runs away)
Spencer: (Follows Chuck) COME BACK HERE, CHUCK!

Marta: You want me out of the picture so you can have Lewbert for yourself!
Carly: Lewbert for my... the... I'm fifteen!

Marta: Lewbert, why did you steal TV remotes?
Lewbert: (sarcastically) Because, I like the way they feel against my skin in the moonlight! Just take me to jail! Away from her!

Lewbert: How long for slapping a cop?
Sam: Six months...

Carly: Who gives haircuts by force?!
Sam: I don't know, but if this was a real TV show, it'd be more popular than anything on NBC.
Carly: She is a monstress.
Freddie: What have we done?

(Sam carries Freddie off)
Carly: Cupcake sucker!

iMove Out[edit]

[while Freddie is removing asparagus from his locker]
Gibby: Hey, Freddie, guess what they're serving in the cafeteria tomorrow?
Freddie: [angrily sarcastic] Oh, is it asparagus? 'Cause that would be so hilarious!
Gibby: No... it's fish sticks. What's your problem? [walks away]
Freddie: Hey... hey, I'm sorry.
Gibby: [mad] No, I'M sorry!
[Carly approaches]
Carly: Hi, Gibby.
Gibby: Freddie hurt my feelings. [keeps going]

[after Sam's devised a plan to destroy the Petographers]
Freddie: You mean we trash their studio?
Sam: No, Freddie, I mean we rub ourselves with sweet mustard and sing show tunes.

Spencer: Hey, guess what?
Stuart Butler: What?
Spencer: Shut up!

Spencer: I would go ice skating every night.
Carly: Except now we can't, because we've been banned from the Frozen Oval.
Sam: It's not my fault that big guy kept bumping into me.
Carly: So you had to jack slap him in front of his kids?!

iQuit iCarly[edit]

Sam: T-Bo!
T-Bo: [drops smoothie; angrily] What?!
Sam: We want a table that's as far away from them as possible! [indicates Carly and Dave]
T-Bo: [still angry] Have I ever cared where you sat?!

Sam: ...You dip your french fries in your smoothie?
Fleck: Yeah, try it.
Sam: Okay, but...(she does and takes a bite of it) Seems kinda weird, because the french fry's all salty, and the smoothie's all...oh my god, you're a genius.
Fleck: Yeah.

Dave: [gets hit with a muffin] Ow!
Carly: What?
Dave: He just threw a muffin at me.
Carly: Well, that is-- [gets hit with a muffin by Sam] Ow! Sam!
Sam: It slipped!
Dave: You got a cranberry on your nose.
Carly: [removes the cranberry, folds her arms, and grabs a muffin and attempts to hit Sam, but it hits an elderly lady]
Elderly Woman: Ahhhh!
Carly: [shocked] I'm so sorry!
Sam: I accept your apology.
Carly: It wasn't for you; it was for the lady I muffined!

Carly: I'm just saying, it might be nice if you showed a tiny bit of appreciation for the work I do to make iCarly happen.
Sam: MORE appreciation? You already named the show after yourself.
Carly: Well, if you don't like the name iCARLY, then maybe we should change it to... iSAM, who's too lazy to even show up for rehearsal most of the time.

Freddie: All friends have fights.
Carly: Yeah, but this one was different. It wasn't even like a fight. I mean, we didn't yell or anything. We just said stuff, and it was bad.
Freddie: Come on, you and Sam have been friends forever.
Carly: I know, but people change.
T-Bo: Mm-hmm. That's what happened with me and my friend Eddie Robinson. He got hit by a bus. Now he's Deaddie Robinson. Talk about change. (holds up a stick of muffins) Try a muffin. (he gives one to Carly)
Carly: ...He told us about his dead friend and then gave me a muffin.

Carly: I know you're upset, but hedge clippers are never the answer.
Sam: Well...
Carly: Never the answer!

Carly: I can do iCarly by myself.
Sam: You can't do iCarly without me!

Freddie: I MEAN IT! BOTH OF YOU, GET BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW!
Sam: I'm not going back in unless Carly goes first!
Carly: Well I'm not going back in 'till Dave and I shoot what we need for our video! ...No matter how messy this wind makes my hair!

Sam: Carly! Don't let go!
Carly: [hanging from the edge of the platform] WHY ON EARTH WOULD I LET GO?!?!

Sam: I have as much of a right to Freddie as you do!
Carly: No, you don't! Freddie loves me!
[Both look at Freddie]
Freddie: Hey, look, a freckle on my wrist...

[While Spencer and Gibby were in the boat]:
Gibby: Sorry I squeezed the nozzle to hard.
Spencer: You're supposed to be making a light ocean spray, that felt like a whale peed in my face!

Carly: Look, we made it.
Sam: Yeah, and neither one of us cried the whole time.
Carly: Nope. We're brave.
Sam: Yeah we are.
[Both start tearing up. Spencer moves them together and they hug while crying]

iSaved Your Life[edit]

Spencer: [inside Sam's locker] HEEEERE'S SPENCY! [laughs; Sam closes her locker and walks away] I gotta quit saying witty things before I blow.

Spencer: You bought a taco?
Sam: Uh-huh.
Spencer: From the truck that hit Freddie?
Sam: Well, me starving is not gonna help him.

Freddie: Mom, I'm not allergic to flowers!
Mrs. Benson: And you weren't allergic to Mexican food trucks, but look at you now!

Mrs. Benson: [to Carly, coldly] I'll take these flowers, and I'll soak them in bleach.

Mrs. Benson: [whispers to Carly, sinister] It should have been you!

Spencer: Hey, look. his foot sticks out of his cast! This little piggy went to market, and this little piggy got hit by a truck.
Carly: SPENCER!

Freddie: My mom thinks I'll choke on pills, so she pounds 'em with a mallet and puts the pill powder in my fruit sauce.
Spencer: Fruit sauce?
Freddie: My mom thinks I'll choke on fruits, so she pounds it with a mallet--
Spencer: It's not my business.

Carly: What happened to the flowers?
Mrs. Benson: I soaked them in bleach and pounded them with a mallet.

Gibby: Ah! Don't! I'm just a Gibby!

Sam: Use your face and body to protect me.
Gibby: Ah, like a human shield.
Sam: I was gonna say bullet monkey, but whatever tickles your peach.

[A Rabbi walks through the school halls]
Gibby: There's Spencer with a fake beard!
[Sam fires a paint ball at the rabbi]
Rabbi: OY!
Teacher: Rabbi Goldman!
Sam: [to Gibby] That was a real rabbi!
Gibby: I didn't know! I don't have cable!

Gibby: How my hair look, Sam?
Sam: You look good, Gib.

Mrs. Benson: What the yuck?!

Freddie: Carly, don't leave!
Carly: [referring to Mrs. Benson] SHE'S BEATING ME WITH YOUR UNDERWEAR!

Sam: Remember two years ago when I dated that guy Eric Moseby–- kid with the big nose?
Freddie: Sure, Noseby Moseby.
Sam: Uh-huh. And remember how he tried to get me to be his girlfriend for like six months and I kept saying, "Get away from me, or I'll kill you"? And then he bought me a subscription to the Bacons of the World Club, and then boom, I thought I was in love with the guy?
Freddie: I'm listening.
Sam: I was never in love with him; I was in love with the foreign bacon that kept showing up at my door every month...like a beautiful greasy dream.
Freddie: I doubt that bacon can make you think you're in love with someone.
Sam: You ever had Bolivian bacon?
Freddie: No.
Sam: It changes you.

Freddie: You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a couple.
Sam: Very true, it makes me wanna puke up blood.

Spencer: Do you see a girl in there?
Delivery Guy: No. Why, did you order one?

Carly: [to Freddie] Yeah, it's cute and geeky at the same time. It's cukey.

Freddie: I just said, "Oh."
Carly: No, you said it like you were at a raffle, and you won a prize, and then you found out that the prize was just a can of soup, so you go, "Oh."
Freddie: You know I like you way better than most soups.

[Freddie retreats after Carly kisses him]
Carly: Wow... you seriously don't want to kiss me. Why?
Freddie: 'Cause ... I'm just bacon!
Carly: You're bacon?
Freddie: Foreign bacon!
Carly: Did that taco truck hit you in your brain?!

Carly: Well, I'm standing here with my lips all glossed up, and you're treating me like I'm your icky cousin Amanda.
Freddie: Amanda is disgusting.

Uncut[edit]

Note: This section features quotes exclusive to the uncut version of iSaved Your Life, which features 7 minutes of footage that was removed due to television time constraints.[1] As such, all the quotes in the version edited for broadcast can also be found in this version by going to the iSaved Your Life section above.
iCarly Fan: Okay, I dare Sam to get arrested.
Carly: Nope, uh-uh.
Sam: Been there, done that.

Freddie: Mom, what are you spraying me with?
Mrs. Benson: An anti-bacterial body spray for boys.
Freddie: Where do you find this stuff?
Mrs. Benson: At sprayyourchildren.com.

Freddie: Carly and Sam aren't freaks! [Mrs. Benson looks at Freddie in disbelief] Carly's not a freak!

Mrs. Benson: Posy di, posy doo, I don't want posies in my house!

Female Student: Is it true you're gonna be Batman in the next movie?
Freddie: Uh, yeah, sure, spread that rumor around.

Freddie: My kitty got claws.
Carly: Rowr.

Freddie: (as he enters the elevator) What did I do...? (the view cuts to outside the apartment) WHAT DID I DO?!

iWas a Pageant Girl[edit]

[while Sam is screaming and punching on the couch because Carly won't enter the beauty pageant]
Spencer: What happened, did we run out of bacon?

Freddie: You know you're gonna give in.
Carly: Not this time. [Sam continues screaming]
Freddie: In five, four, three, two...
Carly: OKAY! I'LL BE IN THE STUPID PAGEANT!
Sam: YAY! BRING ME MY SOUP! (to Freddie)

[Spencer is screaming because Freddie won't go on a double date with him]
Freddie: Spencer, I'm not gonna...
Carly: In five, four, three, two...
Freddie: OKAY!
Spencer: YAY!!

Carly: (after Sam removes her pageant dress) And thanks for being gentle!

Sam: I look hot.
Carly: I feel violated.

Sam: [as introduction to the audience] My name is Samantha Puckett, I'm from Seattle, and I love fried chicken!
Carly: [backstage, to a random person] It's true she really does.

Sam: HEY, I won first place!
Carly: Can you guys pay a little attention to us?
Spencer: NO. We have five hours invested in this game!
Freddie: We are not stopping until we guess what we are!
Sam: (to Spencer) You're cheese.
Carly: (to Freddie) You're a big toe.
Freddie: OH!
Spencer: DANG IT! (Carly and Sam walk away, as he and Freddie put on new cards)
Freddie: AM I A SQUIRREL?!?!?!
Spencer: NOOOOOOOOOOO.

iEnrage Gibby[edit]

Sam: Holy chiz on a chizzle!
Carly: What?
Sam: Spencer Shay of Seattle died of natural causes last Saturday.
Carly: It doesn't say that! (takes the paper from Sam) ...It says that!
Spencer: (takes the paper) NICE! First they insult my art, and THEN they call me dead! Which incidentally, I'm not!

Carly: What's wrong?
Freddie: Gibby texted me ten times today. (he shows Carly and Sam his PearPhone)
Sam: What'd he text you?
Carly: "I'm going to make you bleed."
Sam: "On Friday."
Carly: "At 3:02."
Sam: "I love you, Mom."
Carly: "Wait, that last text wasn't for you, it was for my mom." ...Well, that's what you get for macking on his girlfriend!

Freddie: Gibby, this thing has gotten way outta- [Gibby smacks the coffee out of Freddie's hand] That was a Chai latte.
Gibby: Well, I'm gonna make you a DIE latte. [Freddie looks confused] Yeah. I said it!
Freddie: Nothing happened between me and Tasha! We were just talking and she--
Gibby: And you lost control and tried to kiss her up! I'm gonna break you.

Carly: (while Veronica sees that Spencer is still alive) Why am I enjoying this?

(after Gibby and Tasha leave)
Freddie: HOW... does HE get HER?
Sam: There's gotta be something wrong with that chick.
Carly: Oh, come on. Gibby's sweet, and cute, and fun, and-- there's gotta be something wrong with that chick!

iSpace Out[edit]

Carly: AND NOW!
Sam: We take our buckets...
Carly: And do THIS! (she and Sam both drop their foamy water on a laptop) And that's the PROPER way...
Sam: To clean your parents' laptop!

Spencer: Hey, have you ever tried Oystamato?
Carly: No.
Spencer: WORST DRINK EVER! It's a blend of tomato juice and oyster juice.
Carly: You hate tomatoes AND oysters.
Spencer: I know.
Carly: So, what made you think you'd like a blend of their juices?
Spencer: I didn't think it through.

Carly: You never told him that you dropped out of law school?
Spencer: Daddy's very busy!

Carly: I smashed a window and fled from our space pod.
Spencer: Aw.
Carly: Blanton said if I did that up in outer space, my eyes would've been sucked out of my head and that'd be bad for his business.
Spencer: He has a point.

iFix a Popstar[edit]

Director: Ginger, what are you doing?
Ginger: [with blue cheese dressing] Washin' my hair.
Director: That's not even shampoo. That's blue cheese dressing.
Ginger: Get out of my bathroom!
Sam: That chick's a disaster.

Freddie: So where are the groceries?
Sam: You left them at the donut shop.
Spencer: No... (starts to leave)
Freddie: Where 'ya going?
Spencer: To the donut shop...

Carly: I'm so mean. Do you see what pressure does to me? It brings out my mean.
Freddie: Alright, let's think. We have a talentless woman who can't sing, can't dance, and looks terrible.
Carly: Ooooh, this thinking is fun.

Director: Where's Ginger?
Dancer: She's back there using the bathroom.
Director: There's a bathroom back there?
Dancer: [shakes head] No.

Carly: Here we go.
Freddie: Cross your fingers.
Sam: Can I get a sandwich?

Carly: Ginger Fox has no talent!
Freddie: She can't do anything!
Sam: Maybe it's best they don't know.
Spencer: I feel like I kissed Gibby.

iBloop[edit]

Employee: Hey, Miranda. Cucumber or brick?
Miranda: ...Brick.
Employee: We're going with the brick.
???: Miranda likes the brick!

Nathan: Well I thought you might want a snack, so I took some raisin bread, put a little butter and toast on it, then...I put a little butter and toast on it, then cinnamoned it. (Victoria laughs)

Nathan: I don't bluff! ...Okay, I was bluffing when I say I don't bluff, but I'm...serious about quitting! (laughs and points at the camera) That was it!

Jennette: Gibby turns me down! Like I'm not good enough for that shirtless potato! (stopwatch goes off) Just...shoot! (laughs)

Jennette: Why does he have two bullet holes in his eyes?
Miranda: Those are his eyes?
Jennette: That was...not right.

Jerry: You know as well as I do, that when you're making a TV show, sometimes things just don't happen the way they're supposed to.
Miranda: That's probably what's in this clip package. See? "Things That Didn't Happen The Way They Were Supposed To." Should I click it?
Jerry: I think you have to.

Jerry: You know what really wastes time on set?
Miranda: What?
Jerry: Everyone acting all silly, and being goofy, and laughing, and just being unprofessional!
Miranda: I think you're exaggerating.
Jerry: No...here, let's watch this clip, labeled "Everyone Acting All Silly, And Being Goofy, And Laughing, And Just Being Unprofessional."

Jerry: Dan sent me some directions via text message. (his phone rings) Let me clear this message here...I will act better.

Victoria: (after kicking Jerry to the floor) I'm sorry! (laughs)
Jerry: She kicked me and she started talking to people!

Noah: "If Spencer tries to be lazy, throw coffee in his face to perk him up." No, sorry.
Jerry: Really? She said that? Coffee?
Noah: "Throw water in his face to perk him up."

Noah: Check out what it says if I play every fourth word.
Ethan: Happy birthday!
Noah: (laughs) What...

Reed: THIS IS A MOCKERY! EAT POPCORN! (laughs) Oh, no, no eat popcorn!

Miranda: "Carly's a chicken, Carly's lame, Carly's...Carly." Sorry. (laughs) I forgot my name.

Jennette: (turns to camera) I'm Carly.. I'm not Carly. (turns back)

Miranda: His last words were, "Why, Miles, why?"
Jennette: His name's Oliver. (Miranda laughs)

iWon't Cancel The Show[edit]

Spencer: She's a very sophisticated woman. I can't have her thinking I spend my time hanging with teenagers doing goofy stuff!
Carly: That's like, all you do!
Spencer: Yeah, but I can't have her thinking that! She wears pantyhose!

Carly: (talking very fast) Freddie says "In five four three two", then points at us, then we introduce the show. Then after that we go to that wheel over there and do a bit called "Put that in your man purse", which you don't know about but just play along and you'll figure it out as we go.
Spencer: Why doesn't Freddie say "in five, four, three, two, one"?
Carly: No one knows!
Freddie: I know.
Carly: No one cares! Now hurry, take your jacket and glasses off!
Spencer: But I look so sophisticated.
Carly: This is iCarly! We don't do sophisticated! (slaps Spencer lightly)

iBelieve in Bigfoot[edit]

Mrs. Briggs: So...YOU took my bullhorn!
Freddie: No...no! See, Sam was the one who-
Mrs. Briggs: (grabs Freddie, drags him and yells into her bullhorn) COME WITH ME!
Freddie: LOUD!

Freddie: Do you see anything?
Carly: Just trees. And some bushes... and two squirrels wrestling!
Freddie:... Carly...
Carly: Yeah?
Freddie: They're not wrestling...
Carly:... Oh...

Spencer: Hey, did you see those squirrels?
Carly: (very quickly) Don't talk about it!

Spencer: I don't think a 7-foot beastman is gonna be afraid of a 160-pound spazzy artist.

Spencer: At least the fall made the water come out off my ear... and some blood.

Sam: Ohhhhhhh, it hurts!
Carly: What?
Sam: The sound of [Freddie] talking!

Sam: *pulls off Dr. Van Gurbin's Bigfoot mask*
Dr. Van Gurbin: Hey!
Carly: Dr. Van Gurbin?
Freddie: Well, this is a Scooby Doo moment.
Dr. Van Gurbin: I'm so sorry. See, my book wasn't selling well, and my dad always told me I would be a failure.
Sam: Your dad was right.
Freddie: So you dressed up like Bigfoot just to create hype?
Dr. Van Gurbin: Yes. So people would buy my new book *takes out his book*: Bigfoot-
Sam: *smacks the book out off his hands*
Dr. Van Gurbin: I had that coming.

iPsycho[edit]

Spencer: I was reading this Bible.
Carly: This is a Mexican cookbook.
Spencer: We can still learn from it.

Freddie: It's a natural pose.
Sam: Of course it is. I do this all the time, don't you, Carls?
Carly: Yeah, I find it both natural and not stupid-looking.

Nora: I don't think you guys will watch this cuz you probably get a bajillion emails a day, but if you are...iCarly is my life.
Sam: (sing-songy) I see a girlfriend for Freddie!

Sam: I don't wanna go to Nora Dirshlitt's lame birthday party!
Carly: That girl has a sad life!
Sam: So does Freddie! We can't fix the world!

Carly: When do we go to the bathroom?
Freddie: That is up to your bladder.
Spencer: Do girls have bladders?
Carly: No, we store pee in our feet.

Carly: Yay, a clown!
Nora: Yeah, he's 87 years old and his name's Cramps!

Carly: I'm sorry your clown had an aneurysm.
Sam: I'm sorry he had an aneurysm while I was dancin' with him!

Carly: If you just heard a large crack, that was my heart breaking.

Nora: Can I help you?
Gibby: [Too shocked to see Nora face to face] Uh, yeah. My name is Gibby.
Nora: Oh yes. I recognize your appearance on ICarly.
Gibby: Thanks, That was sure a lot of fun. Anyway, I was wondering do you have Carly, Sam and Freddie trapped here?
Nora: [Lying under suspiscion] No. Good day.
Gibby: Wait! are you sure they're not here?
Nora: [irate and impatient] Yes, there is no one in my basement.
Gibby: [in a suspicious tone] I didn't say anything about your basement.
Nora: [pauses for a moment and became frightened] NO ONE SEES THE WIZARD! [she then slams the door]
Gibby: Okay! No problem. I'll just...GO AWAAAAY! [crashes through Nora's front door]
Nora: [screams in pure fright and anger] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!

iBeat the Heat[edit]

Carly: What are you doing?
Freddie: She's either cooling herself, or eating your frozen pizzas. Probably both.
Carly: [she walks up to the freezer, turns Sam to her and sees a slice of frozen pizza in her mouth] Oh, my God! You are eating my frozen pizza!

Spencer: It is a 15-kilowatt liquid propane generator with a 990 cc Pro-Guard 35 horsepower V-V twin engine, yeah I said all that.

Mrs. Benson: When the temperature gets too high, the elderly will start to die!
Spencer: Wow, that's a creepy rhyme.

Sam: So what is it I'm supposed to do, which we all know I'm not gonna?

Sam: Carly, come rub my neck.
Carly: I have to go work on my project.
Sam: Freddie, come rub my neck.
Freddie: Yeah, that'll happen.

Carly: (after Sabrina accidentally destroys her Utopian society) ...And now, I have angina!

External links[edit]

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