Penguins of Madagascar

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search
Who says penguins can't fly?

Penguins of Madagascar is a 2014 American 3D computer-animated action comedy film, produced by DreamWorks Animation and distributed by 20th Century Fox. It is a spin-off of the Madagascar film series, and takes place right after the events of Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted, following the penguins Skipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private in their own spy thriller. Apart from the main characters, it is unrelated to The Penguins of Madagascar (which is set in its own continuity). It is the only film in the Madagascar franchise that was distributed by 20th Century Fox and was the final film produced by Pacific Data Images before its closure on January 22, 2015.

The film is directed by Simon J. Smith and Eric Darnell, and written by Michael Colton and John Aboud. The film was released on November 26, 2014.

Penguins[edit]

Skipper[edit]

  • Dave! Dave! Right! Oh yeah, long time. Uh, how's the wife?
  • Well, I don't think I like your attitude, vending machine. Or your prices! [in battle stance] Release them!
  • [to Classified] You low down, filthy, mangy, bum-sniffing, TOILET DRINKER! [slight pause] But... good.
  • Just, uh, smile and wave boys. Smile and wave.
  • Ten years ago on this very day, a tiny egg hatched, and our world got a little bit cuter. [Private giggles] So tonight, Private, we celebrate your birthday by infiltrating the United States gold depository at Fort Knox!
  • Just like Super Bowl 19!
  • I make my own options. [hits a button, the hatch opens and boxes come flying out with the penguins]
  • You mess with the bull, you get the horns, Private. Now hit that machine and get your present.
  • Absolutely. First thing Monday.
  • Impressive bouncing, boys. Now, then, back to civilization. If we're gonna take Dexter down, we need to know where he's gonna strike next.

Private[edit]

  • [first words] Hello! Are you my family?
  • [gasps] Cheezy Dibbles!
  • [repeated line] Crikey!
  • Sorry. I get gassy when I fly.
  • [to the Octopi] Come on, then. You want to go? You want some argy-bargy?
  • Yes, well I figured if we could reverse the ray, we can turn everyone back to normal!

Kowalski[edit]

  • Adventuring and glory like no penguins have ever seen before.
  • He thinks we can't save the penguins because we're just "penguins".
  • [to Dave] Sorry, sir. No clue.
  • Nope, I still can't read.
  • According to my calculations, we're arrived in the center of Dublin, Ireland.
  • [to Private] You’re hideously disfigured and will probably be hunted for sport.
  • [After Eva kisses him] Well, that feels right!

Rico[edit]

  • Uh-oh.
  • [mumbles] I dunno.

North Wind[edit]

Agent Classified[edit]

  • Remain calm, penguins. You are now under the protection of the North Wind. [shows a badge] You're welcome.
  • No, my name isn't "Classified", my name is classified because I am the leader of this strike team. The seal is Short Fuse, weapons and explosives. The bear is Corporal, he’s our muscle. And the owl is Eva, intelligence and analysis.
  • What you, of course could not know, is that Dr. Brine's laboratory in Venice is secretly developing a doomsday weapon called the "Medusa Serum."
  • I want to say... You four are the bravest agents I’ve ever known. The point is, I was wrong about you. And I hope there’s some way I can make it right.

Agent Corporal[edit]

  • Oh my gosh. You guys are so cute! [grabs the penguins and hugs them tightly] And cuddly!
  • He hacked into our system.
  • It's like being licked by a basketful of doggy dogs.

Agent Eva[edit]

  • Where's the sound? I can't hear anything.
  • Gentlemen. There's only one way to resolve this.
  • [to Kowalski] We should Kiss.

Agent Short Fuse[edit]

  • Every time a villain calls in, this happens.
  • I tried, but they don't have hands, they just have flippers, Boss! And-and I have flippers. So it's flipping useless!

Dave/Dr. Octavius Brine[edit]

  • Pretty birds belong in their cages.
  • The humans know me as Dr. Octavius Brine. Renowned geneticist, cheese enthusiast, and frequent donor to NPR pledge drives, but you know me by a different, much older name. A name perhaps you hope you'd never hear again. A phantom! A shadow of a former life! I... am... [a purple octopus emerges from the costume of Dr. Brine] DAVE!
  • You seriously don't remember me?
  • I've never been married!
  • UGH, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
  • [Private: It's not a death ray, Skipper! He's gonna turn us into monsters!] Yepper-doo! "And what comes next, Dave?" Invasion! Ahhh! Horrible mutant penguins released on the streets of New York City! [Kowalski: You're the monster!] Yes! I'm the monster. Everyone made that clear to me every day in my entire life. But now, let's see how much everyone loves you when you're the monsters!
  • Charlize, they're on the ray! Helen, hunt them down! William, hurt them! Halle, bury them! Hugh, Jack! Man the battle stations! Kevin, bake on! We're still going to need that victory cake!
  • WAHT, are you KIDDING ME?! You think this is over?! I'm just getting started! Open this right now!

Quotes[edit]

Documentary Filmmaker: [narrating] Antarctica, an inhospitable wasteland, but even here, on the Earth's frozen bottom, we find life. [the wind blows away the snow, revealing an egg and it rolls down the hill] And not just any life: penguins. Joyous, frolicking, waddling, cute and cuddly life. Look at them, tumbling onto their chubby bum bums. Who could take these frisky snow-clowns...?
[The older penguins almost fall on baby Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski. They move out of the way]
Skipper: [interrupting the narration] Seriously? Does anyone even know where we're marching to?
Penguin #1: Who cares?
Penguin #2: I question nothing.
Penguin #3: Me, too.
Penguin #4: Me, too.
Skipper: Well, fine. We'll just fly to the front of the line and see for ourselves. Kowalski, Rico, engage aerial surveillance.
[they flap their wings but cannot fly]
Kowalski: Skipper, we appear to be flightless.
Skipper: [looks at his wings] Oh, well, what's the point of these? [Rico seems to have an idea. He hits Skipper's wing in some sort of high five] Whoa, I like it! Hey, this could be our thing! What're we gonna call it? Let's call it the, uh... high one.
[the egg rolled passed Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico]
Skipper: Hey, anybody see that? That's an egg! Is somebody gonna go get it?
Penguin #5: We can't do that.
Skipper: Why not?
Penguin #6: Well, it's a dangerous world out there and we're just penguins. You know, nothing but cute and cuddly.
Penguin #7: Yeah. Why do you think there are always documentary crews filming us? [camera zooms out to see two men with a camera and a microphone for filming]
Penguin #8: Well, sorry, kid. You know, we lose a few eggs every year. It's just nature.
Skipper: Oh, right, nature. I guess that makes sense. But... But something... something deep down in my gut tells me that it just doesn't make any sense at all. You know what? I reject nature! [the other penguins gasp] Who's with me? [with a shout, Skipper goes after the egg, much to Kowalski's and Rico's confusion]

[The penguins have just blown up an old ship]
Skipper: Kowalski, analysis?
Kowalski: We are really... awesome at this!
Skipper: Boys, we did it! Mission accomplished! Hey, we can do our thing! High one!
[they all high five, until Skipper accidentally hits the egg they just saved]
Skipper: Ooh. My bad.
Rico: Uh-oh.
[The penguins all look in awe as the egg is about to hatch]
Skipper: Look, it's... it's the miracle of birth.
Kowalski: A moment... of extraordinary beauty.
[Suddenly, Private's egg explodes open, much to the disgust of the three penguins]
Skipper: Daaagh!! That is disgusting! I think I have amniotic sac in my mouth!
[Much to the surprise of the three penguins, the newly hatched Private gets up, but look at him lovingly]
Private: Hello! Are you my family?
[the three penguins turn, knowing that they're far away from land, and nod to each other before turning back to face Private]
Kowalski: You don't have a family, and we're all going to die. Sorry.
Private: [concerned] Wh-Wha...?
[Skipper elbows Kowalski]
Kowalski: What? I-I thought that was what we were all nodding about.
Skipper: [hits Kowalski again] No one's gonna die! [to Private] You know what you've got, kid? You've got us. We've got each other. And if that ain't a family, I don't know what is. [salutes Private, who salutes back; Skipper tussles Private's head] So adorable. [to Kowalski] Kowalski, what's our trajectory?
Kowalski: 95% certain we're still doomed.
Skipper: And the, uh... other 5%?
Kowalski: Adventuring and glory like no penguins have ever seen before.
Skipper: I'll take that action.
Private: Where are we going?
Skipper: The future, boys. The glorious future.

[At the gold depository of Fort Knox]
Skipper: Private, if you could have anything you wanted in the whole wide world, what would it be?
Private: Well, gee, Skipper. I think to be a meaningful and valued member of this team.
Skipper: Oh, well, we got you something else.
[Camera pans to a vending machine in the break room]
Private: A vending machine?
Skipper: Well, not just any vending machine, Private. The last remaining home in America's nanny states for those succulent and chemically-hazerdous bits of puffed heaven called...
Private: [gasps] Cheezy Dibbles!
Skipper: [gives Private a coin] Happy ding-dong birthday, ya little scamp!
[In response, Private pecks Skipper on the cheek, followed by Kowalski, finally giving one to Rico, only for the latter to hold Private for 10 seconds]
Skipper: You mess with the bull, you get the horns, Private. Now hit that machine and get your present.
[Private tosses the coin into the machine and tries to reach in the slot to get the bag]
Skipper: We just broke in the most secure facility in North America. Do you know what that means?
Kowalski: We’re wanted criminals who will be on the lam for the rest of their lives, always feeling the hot breath of Johnny Law on our necks?
Skipper: No! It means, as elite units go, we're the elitist of the elite. Top shelf in the bureau. The penultimate... +1. [as Private struggles to get the packet out from the vending machine he ends up getting pulled into the machine] Where'd Private go?
[they walk over closer to the vending machine]
Kowalski: Oh, there he is. [the penguins see Private is stuck up in the machine] D3.
Skipper: Oh, Private. How much is he?
Kowalski: He's $3.50, sir.
Skipper: Well, that's outrageous... even for Private.
[Suddenly, an octopus tentacle comes out of the vending machine slot, grabs Rico and takes him into the machine]
Kowalski: Sir, the machine is alive!
[the octopus tentacle comes out of the vending machine again and takes Kowalski]
Skipper: [angrily] Well, I don't think I like your attitude, vending machine. Or your prices! [in battle stance] Release them! [the tentacle comes back out and grabs Skipper in]

'[The penguins, having been captured by the vending machine are flown to a submarine in Venice; Skipper looks around from the cage]
Skipper: Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski: All evidence indicates... [his stomach grumbles] Oooh, I ate too many Cheezy Dibbles. [Private coughs out an orange cloud of dust]
Skipper: We're behind enemy lines and incredibly thirsty. Rico, bust us out of these delicious prison.
[Rico sticks out his tongue holding a paper clip and uses it to unlock the cage door.]
Skipper: Nice work, Rico. You're a meaningful and valued member of this team.
[As the penguins exit the cage, Private becomes upset. Then he looks at the paper clip, takes it and swallows it. He tries coughing it up, but no success]
Skipper: Private, quit lollygagging. And regular gagging.
Private: Sorry.
Skipper: It's dark and ominous. 2 of my least favorite traits in a room.
Private: Ooh, look, a button!
Skipper: Huh? Private, don't! [Private pushes the button anyway and the platform underneath them descends and they drop down to another room] Now what have I told you about–?
Private: [presses another button] Sorry, what? [A giant ray wheels to them and a laser pops out pointing at the penguins]
Kowalski: It looks like some sort of giant laser sent to kill us all, sir. [Skipper steps back from the laser's angle]
Private: Ooh, another one!
Skipper, Kowalski and Rico: NO! [they stop Private from pushing the button. Suddenly, drops of water comes down on the panel and on the flippers. The penguins look up to see a scientist in a white lab coat and red hair.]
Dr. Octavius Brine: Naughty, naughty. Pretty birds belong in their cages. [he is seen walking on the catwalk, but the camera shows that he is walking upside down. He drops down and his limbs are tangled up. The penguins groan in disgust. The scientist gets himself in that tangled position and screws his head right]
Penguins: Ew!
Dr. Octavius Brine: Now, that's just hurtful. [untangles himself] And I was so happy to see you again, Skipper, [Skipper gasps] Kowalski, Rico, and sweet little Private. [flicks Private's beak] Boop!
Skipper: Who are you?
Dr. Octavius Brine: The humans know me as Dr. Octavius Brine. Renowned geneticist, cheese enthusiast, and frequent donor to NPR pledge drives. But you know me by a different, much older name. A name perhaps you hope you'd never hear again. A phantom! A shadow of a former life! I... am... [a purple octopus emerges from the costume of Dr. Brine] Dave!
[the penguins gave long surprised looks at Dave with the Dr. Brine wig still on his head]
Skipper: Kowalski?
Kowalski: Sorry, sir. No clue.
Dave: [takes off the hairpiece] Dave!!
Kowalski: Dave...
Dave: Dave.
Skipper: Dave?
Dave: Dave.
Private: Dave.
Dave: Dave!
Rico: [rolls his eyes] Bleh.
[Dave gives a confused look. A cricket chirp is heard. The penguins look down to see a cricket doing the chirp, who then stops]
Cricket: Sorry. [leaves then stops and turns] Wait, wait. Uh, I live this way. [leaves]
Skipper: Go ahead, Dan, continue.
Dave: (What was I gonna say? Oh, right.) You seriously don't remember me?
Skipper: Dave! Dave! Right! Oh yeah, long time. Uh, how's the wife? [In response, Dave punches the wall above Skipper's head]
Dave: I've never been married! You may not remember me, but I could never forget you. [grabs a snow globe and shakes it] Let's shake up some old memories. New York City. The Central Park Zoo. [scene changes showing years ago at the Central Park Zoo, showing Dave's old tank, where he entertains people with his tricks] Life was good. Roomy tank, great location, monkey house views, and of course, my adoring legions of fans!
Girl: Cool!
Dave: [voiceover] Dave, the octopus of 1,000 tricks! [one of his tentacles goes through his ear bringing a ball through]
Boy: Awesome!
Dave: [voiceover] I was the total package. [takes a jar and squeezes himself in and squirts ink making him hover]
Man: Hey, kids! Get up here! You need to see this! [Dave, confused, comes out of the water and sees baby Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and Private]
Dave: [voiceover] And then you arrived...
Baby Skipper: Just, uh... smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.
Dave: [voiceover] ...And took everything from me.
Girl: They're so adorable!
Woman: Have you ever seen anything cute?
[Dave has been taken from his tank and put in a box in a truck]
Dave: [voiceover] Four adorable baby penguins! With you around, no one wanted an old octopus anymore. "Out you go, Dave!" [scene changes to the San Diego Zoo, with Dave in his tank next to a penguin exhibit] And so it went, over and over again. At zoo after aquarium.
Man: I can't see the penguins, man! [zookeepers rolled Dave away] Whoo!
Dave: [voiceover] Adorable penguins stole the show. [Dave is shipped to the Brazil zoo, when people watch the penguins dance. Dave stares there sad as an employee goes to the restroom and water is let out of Dave's tank.] While I was shunned... forgotten... unwanted... [flashback ends] Alone.
Private: That sounds awful!
Dave: Oh, it was. I came to realize some creatures are born to get all the love. The rest of us get nothing! The only thing that has kept me going all these years is my burning thirst for revenge! [Skipper and Kowalski stare confusedly] And my precious souvenir snow globe collection. [sees Rico swallowing all the snow globes] Ah! What is wrong with you?!
Rico: [mumbles] I dunno.
Skipper: Oh Daryl, Daryl, Daryl. You can't blame us for what happened to you.
Dave: [grabs a canister of green goop] Uh, can! That's how this whole revenge thing works! And with this, I've finally have the power to destroy you!
Private: Crikey!

Skipper: So you squiggies wanna do the gondola mambo? Then, let's dance. [one of the henchmen squirts ink in Skipper's eyes, blinding him] Ah! Mother of pearl, that stings! I lost visuals! Kowalski, be my eyes!

Skipper: [the penguins are cornered in an alley by Dave's henchmen] Alright, boys, battle stance.
Kowalski: [exhausted] We're in battle stance, sir. [Rico takes the sock off Skipper's head]
Skipper: Oh, good. Now we spring our trap.
[One of Dave's henchmen grabs the mandolin of the gondolier and smashes it, who runs away]
Kowalski: I'm not sure they're the ones that are trapped, sir.
Skipper: Kowalski, remember our little talk about true but unhelpful comments?
Kowalski: Yes, sir.
Skipper: Sometimes we just have to wing it.
[Eva swoops down, grabs one of the octopi and throws him in a window; Kowalski stares amazed]
Kowalski: Wow...
[Short Fuse pops out of a light bulb, throws a flash grenade at the other octopus, which explodes, pushes him backwards to the wall. The telephone booth changes shape, revealing Corporal pulling out a taser, shocking the last octopus, who goes through the sewer grate]
Kowalski: Sorry for underestimating the plan, Skipper.
Skipper: It's okay, Kowalski. Just don't ever doubt me again. Now what the heck is going on?! [a plane flies over the rooftops and Classified drops down and lands in front of them]
Classified: Remain calm, penguins. You are now under the protection of the North Wind. [shows a badge] You're welcome.

[The penguins have been rescued by the North Wind, they are on the plane and flies off]
Corporal: Oh my gosh. You guys are so cute! [grabs the penguins and hugs them tightly] And cuddly!
Skipper: Hey, get away! [slaps Corporal's lower jaw] No more hugs!
Corporal: It's like being licked by a basketful of doggy dogs.
Classified: [sighs] Corporal. Corporal! Chart a course back to North Wind Headquarters.
[Corporal puts the penguins down, makes a heart sign with his paws before typing a computer]
Classified: Eva, inform them we’re bringing in witnesses.
Skipper: Private, dibble me. [Private takes a dibble bag out of Rico's body, gives it to Skipper, then he jumps in front of Classified] We're not going anywhere with you. [munches] We don't even know who the heck you are.
Classified: The North Wind is an elite undercover inter-species... [Skipper munches, Classified looks at him] The North Wind is an elite undercover inter-spec... [Skipper munches again] an elite undercover inter-species... [Skipper munches again] task... [Skipper munches again] force... [Skipper munches again] dedicated to help... [Skipper munches again] helping... [Skipper munches again] dedicated to... [Skipper munches again; Classified growls annoyed] dedicated... [Skipper munches again; Classified finishes his sentence while Skipper is munching] dedicated to helping animals who can't [Skipper munches again] help [Skipper munches again] themselves. [Skipper munches again for the last time] Like penguins.
Skipper: Really? And you are...?
Classified: My name is classified.
Skipper: Classified, eh? What is that, uh, Dutch? Can't really hear the accent.
Classified: Excuse me?
Skipper: There's the accent.
Classified: No, my name isn't "Classified", my name is classified because I am the leader of this strike team. The seal is Short Fuse, weapons and explosives. The bear is Corporal, he’s our muscle. And the owl is Eva, intelligence and analysis.
Skipper: Well, Agent Classified, we happen to be an elite unit too. [accidentally steps on a button which starts an alarm]
Voice: Self-destruct sequence activated.
Skipper: You know, you should really label these things. [Classified pushes the button again, turning the self-destruct off]

Skipper: The name's Skipper. I run this outfit. That there is Kowalski, he's the brains of our operation. Say something smart, Kowalski.
Kowalski: [staring awestruck at Eva] Uhhh... [Eva looks back at Kowalski]
Skipper: See? He's working on a whole 'nother level.

Classified: All right, tiny penguins. The best way for the North Wind to protect helpless animals like yourselves, is to bring Dr. Brine to justice. Now you were in his sub, so I need to know everything you know.
[the penguins are relaxing and enjoying the chairs and they raised them up high, giving a cheer]
Classified: [almost losing his patience] Just tell me everything you know.
Skipper: All right. [lowers chair, same with the other penguins] Numero uno - never trust a Dutchman in a tulip fight.
Classified: [takes notes] "Tulip fight..."
Skipper: Canada is secretly training an army of Sasquatch.
Classified: Sasquatch.
Skipper: Hot dogs are in fact only 17% actual dog.
Classified: 17%. Not EVERYTHING everything! [shows Skipper a board of evidence of the victim with a picture of a sheep next to it] Just everything regarding your abduction by Dr. Octavius Brine!
Skipper: Ah! Why didn't you say so?
Classified: [confused] What?
Skipper: My team has uncovered that Dr. Octavius Brine is actually an individual known as Derek...
Kowalski: Dave.
Skipper: ...As Dave the octopus.
Short Fuse: An octopus? [laughs] No, no, Dr. Brine is not an octopus. He's...
Classified: [stands in front of the picture of the sheep] An octopus! [clears throat] Precisely! That's exactly what our intel indicated. [puts the picture in trash bin and whispers into his wrist watch] Release the sheep. [At a barn, the sheep is kicked out and eats grass. Back at North Wind headquarters] What you, of course could not know, is that Dr. Brine's laboratory in Venice is secretly developing a doomsday weapon called the "Medusa Serum".
Skipper: Ah, but what you don't know is that Dirk...
Kowalski: Dave.
Skipper: ...Dave won't be using his Bazooka Serum...
Kowalski: Medusa Serum.
Skipper: ...Medusa Serum on anybody.
Kowalski: That part is accurate.
Skipper: Show him, Rico.
[Rico spits out the vial containing the Medusa Serum]
Classified: You... you stole the Medusa Serum?
Skipper: Well, stole the serum, saved the day, did your job for you. Call it what you will.
[Suddenly, the screen goes on, revealing Dave]
Skipper: Debbie!
Kowalski: Dave.
Skipper: Dave!
Corporal: He hacked into our system.
[There's no sound on-screen as Dave speaks]
Eva: Where's the sound? I can't hear anything.
Kowalski: Dave, your microphone, it's not on.
Classified: Click on the button with the picture of the microphone.
Short Fuse: Every time a villain calls in, this happens.
Dave: Hello? [the screen goes off] Hello?
Kowalski: But now we can hear you.
Short Fuse: So annoying!
Kowalski: But we cannot see you.
Short Fuse: Every time!
Classified: It's like talking to my parents.
[Dave comes back on the screen]
Dave: How about now?
[everyone cheers in agreement]
Classified: Yes! That's fantastic.
Dave: Alright. Now, where was I? (Oh, yeah.) [starts doing an evil laugh]
Kowalski: Dave!
Dave: Greetings, North Wind. I see you've met my old zoo mates.
Skipper: We were never "mates". There was no mating.
Classified: Turn yourself in, David. You're powerless now that I've stolen your precious Medusa Serum.
Skipper: What? You? You didn't steal that!
Classified: It's over.
Dave: It's over? Then why did I call you? Weird. (No, really. Why did I call you guys? Uh... Oh, right.) Oh, maybe it was to show you this! [turns the camera to show them a giant vial containing the Medusa Serum; everyone gasps with shock]
Kowalski: That is a lot of serum for four penguins.
Dave: Oh, you thought this was just about you four? No. No, no, no, no. We're just getting started. [takes a selfie with a camera] Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go do some shopping...for revenge! [presses the button to turn off the screen but nothing happens, he presses it again but nothing happens] Wait. How do you...? [turns to his octopus thugs for help] What do I push, is it the red or...? I thought it was... it's not this... [presses something and the screen goes blank; the picture of Dave in front of the serum comes out of the printer]

[the Penguins are in a box on a plane to Madagascar]
Skipper: Ugh, where the heck are we?
Kowalski: Oxygen content is low. I suggest we limit our breathing.
[Then the sound of a fart broke the silence.]
Skipper: Aw, Private!
[The three Penguins rip holes on the box to breathe for air.]
Private: Sorry. I get gassy when I fly.
Skipper: Toot sweet! He does!
Kowalski: We must be on a plane!
[The Penguins move the box to be free. They have darts on their necks and a dart on Private’s butt.]
Kowalski: What did North Wind do to us?
Private: Look! They gave us badges!
[The Penguins take off the darts.]
Skipper: Not badges, tranquilizer darts! Classified! That low-down dirty dog is trying to kick us off the mission!
Kowalski: He thinks we can't save the penguins because we're just "penguins".
Skipper: Well, penguins are our flesh and feather! They're us! And if anyone's gonna save us, it's us.
Kowalski: But, Skipper, we've gotta be 5 miles up. That pretty much limits our options.
Skipper: I make my own options. [hits a button, the hatch opens and boxes come flying out with the penguins]

Skipper: Follow me, boys! We're going in hot!
Private: [as his butt goes on fire] Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Skipper: No one likes a show off, Private.
Kowalski: Aim for first class!

[The penguins pop out of the sewer; Rico spits out some sand.]
Skipper: Kowalski, what are our coordinates?
Kowalski: According to my calculations, we're arrived in the center of Dublin, Ireland.
[The camera zooms out to reveal that the penguins actually arrived in Shanghai, China instead of Dublin, Ireland.]
Skipper: Alright, soldiers, we gotta blend in. River dance.
[they start river dancing]

Skipper: Alright, you! Where's Dave? [repeatedly slaps a baby squid] Give us the goods.
Kowalski: Sir, that's, uh, that's a baby squid.
[The baby squid starts crying, then Skipper puts it down]
Skipper: Sorry, laddie.

Skipper: You're up, Private. [Private comes out behind a "Wet Floor" sign, dressed as a mermaid] You just mermaid my day.

Kowalski: Sir, Dave’s pulling ahead. We are too heavy.
Skipper: [groans] Curse our heavily Cheese dibbled diet!

[when Rico is throwing away every loose item out of the North Wind’s plane]
Kowalski: That's everything, sir.
Skipper: Have you purged the chemical toilet?
Kowalski: But Rico was in there for fifteen minutes!
Skipper: JUST DO IT!

Skipper: [after finding out that Classified put homing devices on them] You low down, filthy, mangy, bum-sniffing, TOILET DRINKER! [slight pause] But... good.
Classified: You see? I told you. You should've left this to the professionals.

Classified: [to Short Fuse] Short Fuse, you were supposed to handcuff them to the raft!
Skipper: Don't you hologram me! [turns off the hologram]
Short Fuse: I tried, but they don't have hands, they just have flippers, Boss! And-and I have flippers. So it's flipping useless!
Skipper: All right, pooch. If you won't work with us, you better work for us. Our plan requires a diversion.
Classified: I give the orders around here and as much as it pains me to say this, I need you to act as the die-version for our operation, understood?
Skipper: No. This is our plan and it requires you to cause a diversion!
Classified: Die-version.
Skipper: Deh-version.
Classified: Die!
Skipper: Deh!
[Skipper and Classified continue arguing pronouncing diversion; Eva lands in front of them]
Eva: Gentlemen. There's only one way to resolve this.
Kowalski: We should kiss.
Eva: Plan-off.
Kowalski: Yep. Plan-off. That's what I was gonna say. Plan-off...

[the penguins are dressed as German folk musicians]
Skipper: We take this shame to our graves.
Kowalski: Agreed.
[They start slap dancing]

[as Dave prepares to use his ray on Private]
Dave: Who's ready to move into live penguin testing?
Skipper: You point that death ray away from Private right now!
Private: It's not a death ray, Skipper! He's gonna turn us into monsters!
Dave: Yepper-doo! "And what comes next, Dave?" Invasion! Ahhh! Horrible mutant penguins released on the streets of New York City!
Kowalski: You're the monster!
Dave: [angrily] Yes! I'm the monster. Everyone made that clear to me every day of my entire life. But now, let's see how much everyone loves you when you’re the monster!
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: You can't take away Private's cuteness!
Kowalski: He's the cute one! [Rico grunts in agreement] That's-that's his thing!
Private: What?
Skipper: It's all the little guy's got! [Private rolls his eyes]
Dave: Hmm, you are super cute. We'd better crank this up. Drew, Barry! More power!

[after everyone thought Private was killed]
Dave: I disintegrated him. That wasn't supposed to happen.
Kowalski: You maniac! You blew him up! [Rico whimpers]
Skipper: No...
Dave: Oh well. This is why we test things, people. I'll have to lower the power for the others. Full speed ahead, gentlemen. The monsters are due in Manhattan.

Private: Skipper! Skipper! Skipper! Rico! Kowalski! I'm up here! Up here!
Skipper: It's like I can still hear his little voice, calling to us.
Private: You have to get out of there! Move!
Skipper: "You have a great otter there. Moo."
Kowalski: Why would he moo?
Skipper: What are asking me for? I'm not Private's little ghost.
[They turn around, only to notice the Medusa Ray in front of them, ready to fire.]
Rico: Uh-oh.
[One of Dave's henchmen fires the Medusa Ray at Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and all the penguins, as Private watches in horror]
Private: Noooooo!

Private: Come on, then. You wanna go? You want some argy-bargy? [charges at the octopuses while emitting a battle cry]

[The penguins are performing an Avengers-style pose]
Kowalski: Sir, how long do we stand here like this?
Skipper: Until we've reached maximum coolness. [smiles confidently after two seconds] There it is. Now all we need is a plan.
Private: I’ve got one.
Skipper: [confused] Eh? Uh, huh?

Skipper: You stole Dave's ray?
Private: Yes, well I figured if we could reverse the ray, we can turn everyone back to normal!
Skipper: Reverse the ray?
Kowalski: That’s brilliant! But... it's impossible! In order to reverse the ray, we would need to replace the Medusa Serum with a power source of almost immeasurable cuteness!
Skipper: Immeasurable cuteness? Where the heck are we supposed to get that?

[After the ray Private stole accidentally turned a random penguin back to normal]
Kowalski: The ray! It works! It WORKS!
Skipper: Private! Are you okay?
Private: Yes!
[Skipper, Rico and Kowalski gasp in surprise and notice that Private has sprouted a hand out of his buttocks.]
Kowalski: Whoa-oh! Butt-hand! There’s a hand attached to his butt. That was not... that was not there before.
Skipper: Get out of there. That’s an order!
Private: [salutes] Permission to defy order.
Skipper: Permission denied!
Private: Then I deny your denial.
Skipper: It’s too risky, Private. It already made you sprout a butt-hand!
Private: I know it has to be me this time. [places his butt-hand on the glass] And I think you know it, too.
[Concerned about Private’s sacrifice, Skipper places his flipper on the same place where Private placed his butt-hand. They exchange smiles before Private reattaches himself to the ray using his butt-hand.]
Private: I'm the secret weapon!

Dr. Octavius Brine: [holding a microphone during his revenge spree] I'M SO HAPPY!!!!! And yet- [realizes his revenge has succeeded] Now that I have my revenge, I feel...empty. As if, what I needed all along was...MORE REVENGE! In fact, Robin, write this down. [one of his minions writes] Tomorrow, we move on: Kittens, then Puppies, Bunnies, Pandas...
[gasping, he sees the Penguins using his ray]
Dr. Octavius Brine: Charlize, they're on the ray!
[he runs and tears off his human disguise back to his Dave octopus form]
Dave: Helen, hunt them down! William, hurt them! Halle, bury them! Hugh, Jack man battle stations! Kevin, bake on! We're still gonna need that victory cake!

Skipper: Dead batteries?!
Kowalski: [gasps] Game over, Skipper!
Private: No! [notices a nearby grocery store] Rico, batteries! Skipper, Kowalski, hold off those octopi! We’re doing this NOW!
Skipper: You heard Private! Deploy!
[they runs and ready to face the army of octopis]

Skipper: Rico, dibble me!

Private: [after the sides effects from the ray, he's tinted pink and grown antlers] So, how do I look?
Kowalski: You’re hideously disfigured and will probably be hunted for sport.
Private: [concerned] Wh-Wha...?
[Skipper elbows Kowalski]
Kowalski: What?
Skipper: If there's anything we've learned from this delightful adventure, Kowalski, it's that looks don’t matter. It’s what you do that counts. And look at what you did. [the penguins from different countries look at the penguins, baby penguins pop out from behind parent penguins] Yes sir. You are the most meaningful and valued member of this team. [salutes Private, Private salutes back. Kowalski and Rico salute as well. Skipper does Private's salute by crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue. Private did the same and laughs. All the penguins and the North Wind cheer for Private]

[The victory celebration was cut when everyone heard a thump. Classified turns around and looks at the city. Corporal and Short Fuse gasp. Eva looks. The cricket gasps. The penguin couple trembled. They see a tentacle appear and Dave appears with his face in a cute way.]
Skipper: Ramirez!
Kowalski: Dave.
Skipper: Dave! [Dave laughs evilly and lures over to them, until he bumps into something invisible. The camera zooms out to reveal that Dave is made cute by the ray, shrunk, and trapped in a snow globe.]
Dave: WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! [the snow globe holding Dave falls out from the tape and Skipper catches him]
Skipper: Dave. Ohhoho, look at you.
Dave: You think this is over?! I'm just getting started!
Kowalski: What do we do with him now? [Rico attempts to swallow the snow globe trapping Dave, but Skipper pulls it away]
Girl: Awww...
Dave: [to the penguins] Open this right now!
Skipper: [tosses the snow globe to the girl] Here you go, kid. [Dave looks at the girl]
Girl: Cool. [puts her finger on the snow globe. Touched, Dave puts his tentacle on the snow globe where the girl's finger is.]
Skipper: I hope you find happiness, Dave.
Girl: [shakes the snow globe hard] It's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing! [the girl runs off shaking the snow globe with Dave moaning, much to the surprise of the penguins and the North Wind. After Dave's defeat]
Classified: [clear his throat] Right now, this is difficult for me to say, but...
Skipper: Is it ‘osteoporosis’? You just gotta lean into the vowels. Ahhh-stee-ohhhh-pahhh...
Classified: No, no, I want to say... You four are the bravest agents I’ve ever known. The point is... I was wrong about you, and I hope there’s some way I can make it right.
Kowalski: [to Classified] Give us jetpacks.
Eva: [at the same time; to Kowalski] We could kiss.
Kowalski: [notices Eva] Whoa! Uh... [clears his throat] Did you just say...? [Eva dips Kowalski, kissing him, while using her other wing to block the camera, much to the disgust of his comrades. As soon as Eva lowers her wings, Kowalski has lipstick marks all over his face] Well, that feels right!

[After the Penguins turned Private back to normal with the help of King Julien and Mort]
King Julien: You know, if I'm being honest, I expected a little more... pizzazz! [As a Side Effect from using the Ray, Mort ends up eating King Julien] Yes! Now, that's pizzazz!
[Mort giggles]

Taglines[edit]

  • The movie event that will blow their cover
  • All bark, no flight (Skipper and Classified tagline)
  • Hot wings (Kowalski and Eva tagline)
  • Loose cannons (Rico and Short Fuse tagline)
  • Dangerously cute (Private and Corporal tagline)

Cast[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about: