Judy: James Issac Neutron! How many times have I told you to pick up your pants?!
Jimmy: Well, I know just the dog who can answer that, mom. [Snaps fingers, Goddard comes out] Goddard, access maternal reprehend data, cross reference: pants.
[Goddard begins replaying the times Judy asked Jimmy to pick up his pants.]
Judy: [onscreen] Jimmy! Pick up your pants, please? -- Uh, Jimmy? Pick up your pants. -- Pick up your pants. -- Pants. -- Jimmy! -- Jimmy? -- Jimmy? -- Pick 'em up. -- Jimmy! -- Pick up... -- Pick up... -- Jimmy? -- ...Your pants!
[Screen says "54 times to date".]
Judy: I rest my case.
[Cindy presents her report with Jimmy unintentionally joining in.]
Cindy: Origami: the ancient art of Japanese paper folding. I will be making the most difficult of all origami structures; a snow monkey.
Jimmy: Actually, paper folding originated in China --
Cindy: Riding a flying dragon --
Jimmy: In the second century A.D. --
Cindy: While drinking tea --
Jimmy: And was brought to Japan --
Cindy: On a ladder --
Jimmy: In the sixth century --
Cindy: IN DECEMBER!
Miss Fowl: Cindy, I didn't know you and Jimmy were doing this report together.
Cindy: We're not!
Carl: Hey, Jimmy! Can I go play with my pants?
Jimmy: No, no, Carl! Your pants may look playful now, but deep down in their pockets, they're pure evil.
Sheen: Oh, no, I left some gum in my pants pocket. Is it -- is it evil, too? I-If I chew it later, will I be evil?! If I blow a bubble, will it be an evil bubble?!?
[Hugh is interrogating his pants.]
Hugh: So! You and your little pantsy-wantsy friends thought you could take over the world, huh? Well, you didn't know you had to deal with Hugh Neutron, did ya? So, talk. Ha-ha! Ya can't talk, can ya? You know why? Because you're pants! So, zip it!
Carl: I missed you, pants. It's so good to be back inside.
Sheen: Can we go to the movies now, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Okay! Last one there buys the candy!
[They are about to leave when Hugh and Judy stop them.]
Judy: James Issac Neutron! You made this mess, and you are not going anywhere until you pick up these pants!
Cindy: An invention of yours that actually works? [She and Libby laugh.]
Jimmy: NO!!.. I mean...yes! I present to you... my latest neutronic invention ... [Presents three pieces of miniature books] ... Book Gum. why read a book when you can just chew the book instead?
Sheen: Wow, Jimmy, chewing a book.
Jimmy: Sheen, you don't actually chew a book. See, I reduced the contents of different books to gum form. You chew it, and you know it.
[He gives some gum to Sheen, who chews it.]
Sheen: Tastes... fishy. [starts quoting from Moby-Dick] "Call me Ishmael. Starbuck, it's the great white whale. I'll get you, Moby Dick!"
Cindy: Give me a piece of that. [Takes a piece and chews] Hmm... It tastes like fried chicken. [starts quoting from Gone with the Wind] "Oh, Ashley, Oh, Rhett. I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies."
[Carl is about to taste a handful of gum pieces.]
Jimmy: Careful, Carl. It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.
[Carl selects a piece.]
Carl: Mmm... William Shakespeare.
Jimmy: That might just be a little strong for you, Carl.
Carl: [quotes Romeo's monologue from Romeo and Juliet, during which Cindy rolls her eyes in amazement] "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek."
Miss Fowl: Class, we're having a candy selling contest to raise money.
[all groaning and yawning]
Miss Fowl: The student who sells the most boxes will win a free VIP trip to Retroland!
Jimmy: Download candy and chocolate actualities and data...
Hugh: Oh, selling candy, eh, Jimbo? Well, you have come to the right dinner table. Welcome to the Hugh Neutron school of salesmanship. Class is in session. Pumpkin Pants, let's play traveling salesman.
Judy: Who should I be this time?
Hugh: You be the person who's not the traveling salesman. Knock, knock.
Judy: Who's there?
Hugh: It's me.
Judy: Well, come on in.
Hugh: Good evening, ma'am. Want to spice up your life?
Hugh: Well, then what you need is this beautiful four-pronged eating implement.
Judy: But, sir, I already have one.
Hugh: But can yours talk? [with high-pitched voice] Hello. My name is Forky. You're pretty. Buy me! Buy me!
Judy: I'll take four.
Hugh: And that, Jimmy, is how where I got to be... where I am today. Bring on the pie.
Jimmy: The Willy Loman 3000—a super-selling machine programmed to make the sale at any cost. He will NOT take "NO!" for an answer.
Jimmy: It's the good life, gentlemen. While the W.L. 3000 does all the work we're here enjoying a tall cold one.
Sheen: And plan our VIP trip to Retroland.
Carl: "Huzzah" some goofy way to say "COOL!"!
Willy: Goo-ood afternoon, sir. May I say you look absolutely f-f-fabulous? Ha-ha-ha, yes, I agree it is beautiful out, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...
Man: I don't want to buy nothin'.
Willy: "Buy"? Who said "buy"? I-I-I'd like to give you a piece of c-candy, absolutely free with no strings attached.
Man: Forget it.
Willy: You can never have enough ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-andy, sir.
Man: I can. And I DO! Good-bye.
[The man almost closes the door, but Willy blocks it.]
Willy: Y-yes, y-y-y-yes, this is a "g-good buy".
Man: [struggling to close the door] What part of "NO!" do you not understand?
Willy: [holds up Goddard] How about if I throw in this free-ee-ee-ee dog if you buy a box?
Man: Hmm... what kind of dog is he?
Willy: He's your kind of dog. C-congratulations.
[Willy gives Goddard to the man, takes his money and slams the door]
Man: [from inside the house] Hey, what does he ea-? Wha-? Wha-? Oh! OH! not on the carpet, yo-! Ooh... Are those lug nuts?
Willy: I have sold 1,000 boxes of c-c-candy.
Jimmy: Wow. Way to go, Willy! And now for some good old-fashioned gloating and I-told-you-so-ing. Oh, Miss Vortex!
Willy: [spots Carl and Sheen] Hey, hey, hey, hey, you look like a couple of intelligent young men.
Carl: Uh-uh. It's just the glasses.
Willy: Aa-aa-aa-aah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! And witty to boot. If you buy one measly box of ca-a-a-a-a-andy, you'll receive, as my gift to you, this handsome custom-made rocket. [points to Jimmy's rocket]
[Granny sits across from the Jimmy Dummy, trying to open a small bottle, as the real Jimmy enters with the Tonic behind his back.]
Granny: Good morning. [points to the dummy] I was just telling you over there about my deviated spatchum. On cold mornings it rattles like the Tin Man throwing up a hoagie full of wood screws
Jimmy: What’s in the bottle?
Granny: Tongue De-Furrer. Your tongue gets furry when you’re old. Sometimes I wake up it has chewing on it.
Jimmy: Let me open that for you. [Jimmy takes the bottle, turns his back - and when he turns back granny’s medicine is GLOWING and his flask is empty.] I think you’ll feel much better and quieter - after you drink this. [She up-ends it and smacks her lips distastefully.]
Granny: Tastes funny. Of course, what do I know – after sixty your sense of taste completely disapp- [Granny transform into a baby]
Granny Baby: Holy fiber cast I'm topless.
Jimmy: Oh man this isn't good Where'd you get the diaper?
Granny Baby: "I was already wearing one. [Poops in her diaper] Ooohh...I need my diapie changed!
Judy: [about Sheen & Carl] And what are they doing here? The big one is odd and the thin one is a weirdo.
Carl: Hey, you can't insult us like that!
Hugh: [tosses Carl and Sheen a gold brick] Here you go, get yourself something nice.
Sheen: Sure they can! [turns to Carl] Let's go, odd guy!
Carl: [snorts] You got it, weirdo!
Sheen: I liked the part about the medulla oblongata. I don't know what it means, but I love the way it sounds! [waves his UltraLord action figure at Carl] Back or I shall slay thee with my medulla oblongata!
Cindy: What kind of dunderhead would want to talk to a bunch of stupid fish?
Carl: I wanna talk to fish! I wanna talk to fish!! [snatches the microphone out of Jimmy's hand and sees a fish] Oh, hey there, little fella! Do you like Fish Snack 'Ems? They're made from fish like you, only chopped up into little bite sized pieces and deep fried in burning oil! [the fish screams and swims away]
Sheen: Lost?! We can't be lost! We only brought enough food for two days! And I'm not eating Carl!
Carl: Well, I'm not eating you, either! OK, maybe a bite.
[Cindy and Sheen step away from Carl]
Cindy: [about Jimmy] Throw him in the brig!
Jimmy: It'll take a lot more than ravenous hunger to turn my men against me! [puts fists on hips and stands proudly] Tell her, boys!
Sheen: Jimmy! You're like a hamster! Or a gerbil! Or a dolphin or something!
Judy: [to Hugh] Why don't you spend some quality time with Jimmy? It could be a special Father-Son day.
Hugh: That's a great idea! I used to have those with my Aunty all the time! Only we called them Aunty-Nephew days, but it's probably the same basic, uh, idea. We could go to the park, we could, uh... eat cheese! We could even go to Retroland! I love those zig-zaggy lines! They're so ... not ... straight.
Sheen:[rolls dice] Seven! [chuckles] Your llama is sucked into a volcanic sinkhole, where flesh-eating bats will nip at his screaming face. [eats popcorn]
Carl: Sheen, there aren't any volcanic sinkholes in Llama's Day Out!
Sheen: Maybe that explains why I'm not having fun. [eats popcorn]
Jimmy:[Enters] Hi, Carl. I ran out of chemicals mid-experiment and I know you got a chemistry set for your birthday?
Sheen:[rolls dice] Eleven!
Carl: Hey, you can use my chemistry set, Jim. [He gets his Mama's Boy chemestry set down from a shelf.] Oh, the potato's not included.
Jimmy: Uh, that's okay. I assume it comes with a few cc's of ethyl mercaptin?
Carl: Uh... no.
Jimmy: Well, I can work around that. How about some, uh... dimercural sulfonative?
Carl: Uh... yeah...? No.
Jimmy: Tritium nitrate?
Carl: I've got salt.
Jimmy: Oh, Pukin' Pluto! How's a guy supposed to make a four-dimensional Hypercube molecule without access to the complete spectrum of inorganic chemicals?!
Sheen: Welcome to my nightmare. [eats popcorn]
[Jimmy rolls his eyes.]
Carl:[Walks over carrying a leaflet] Here you go, Jimmy. Check out this leaflet from inside the box.
Jimmy:[reading leaflet] "Also try our Ultra-Deluxe model. Contains every element from aluminum to zirconium." Now, that's what I'm talkin' about! [suddenly blue, sighs] Aw, who am I kidding? I don't have any money, and my birthday's three months away.
Sheen:[eats popcorn] Ah, quit procrastinating, Carl, for I'm not -- forget it! I'm rolling for you! [rolls one die and piece of popcorn] One! [chuckles] And Carl's llama falls down. Down into the sulfurous mud pit! How the snake god will be pleased!
Carl: Hey, how could you roll the one if there are two dice?
Sheen: Huh? Oh. Yeah... [Picks up the die and popcorn; suddenly grabs throat and chokes.] Someone get me the jaws of life!
Carl: Oh my favorite video game?" Oh no no it's too much pressure. "Ninja llamas in space?" Eh no. "Llama vs. Mega Dingo?" Eh... [gasps] Of coarse! "Llama palooza!" [sighs] Oh I love you most of all. [kisses the video game.]
Sheen: ULTRALORD! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Carl: Oh, yeah! I'm bad! I DEFEATED ULTRALOOOOOORRRRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!