Munich Hotel Clerk: I do not know what a "rheum" is.
Inspector Clouseau: [Checks his translation book] Zimmer.
Munich Hotel Clerk: Ah, a room!
Inspector Clouseau: That is what I have been saying, you idiot. A rheum. [gesturing to the hotel's dog] Does your dog bite?
Munich Hotel Clerk: No.
[Clouseau bends down to pet the small dog; it immediately growls and bites him.]
Inspector Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Munich Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.
Inspector Clouseau: A beekeeper who has lost his voice, a cook who thinks he's a gardener, and a witness to a murder. Oh, yes. It is obvious to my trained eye that there is much more going on here than meets the ear. [A bee buzzes around Clouseau. He swings at it with the hand that is stuck in a steel gauntlet, which is gripping a mace. The mace smashes the piano next to him.] Before you are dismissed, Mr. Stifsticker, I suggest you count your bees. You may find that one of them is missing.
Housekeeper: You've ruined that piano!
Inspector Clouseau: What is the price of one piano compared to the terrible crime that's been committed here?
Inspector Clouseau: Not anymore. What is your name?
Housekeeper: Mrs. Leverlilly.
Inspector Clouseau: Mrs. Loveleaver, I would take a shrewd guess that you are the housekeeper. Am I right?
Housekeeper: I have been with Professor Fassbender for thirty years.
Inspector Clouseau: That would account for your exaggerated hysteria over a simple blemish to the furniture.
Inspector Clouseau: Whatever has happened to the piano can easily be righted. What has happened to Professor Fassbender and his daughter is another matter. And it is my job to bring the guilty party or parties to the justice. [Moves to stand with his back to the fireplace; the mace hangs close to the flames.] Now, then, what do we know? One, that Professor Fassbender and his daughter have been kidnap-ed. Two, that someone has kidnap-ed them. Three, that my hand is on fire.
Inspector Clouseau: One moment, and I will have you extracted.
Inspector Dreyfus: I'm fine. I am perfect. Every day, and in every way... I'm getting better and better. Somewhere over the rainbow
Inspector Clouseau: I'm afraid today is just not your day, my friend.
Inspector Dreyfus: Oh, but it is! It is, my "friend" after three, long terrible years it is AT LAST my day! I will not permit, "repeat," not permit anything..."repeat" anything to spoil it. Now, I will walk you to the gate, And then I will kiss you goodbye! and you will drive off in your new car which should rightfully be mine And then I will have my meeting with the sanity commission, and they will set me free! And then... I will kill you! Kill you!