This Is the End

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This Is the End is a 2013 American apocalyptic comedy film about Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel and many other celebrities who are faced with the apocalypse, while attending a party at James Franco's house.

Written and directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg.
Nothing ruins a party like the end of the world.(taglines)

James Franco[edit]

  • I gotta admit something. I uh... I fucked Lindsay Lohan. She was fucked up. She was high at the Chateau Marmont. She kept banging on my door. She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal. [Seth Rogen: That's fucked up.] Yeah, I said uh, "Call me the Prince of Persia".

Jonah Hill[edit]

  • If a huge earthquake happens, who do they rescue first? Actors. They'll get Clooney, Sandra Bullock, me. If there's room, you guys will come.
  • Dear God, I'd like to pray for a second. It's me, Jonah Hill...from Moneyball.

Craig Robinson[edit]

  • Welcome to Heaven, motherfuckers.

Dialogue[edit]

James Franco: Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art. Huh?
Jay Baruchel: Thanks, James Franco.
James Franco: You got it.

Seth Rogen: Just answer me one question: Is Michael Cera's butthole as adorable as I pictured?
Jay Baruchel: Oh, for fuck's sake...
Seth Rogen: I picture it looking like a little donut. A little pink sprinkled donut.

[Taking inventory of the food and supplies at James Franco's house]
Seth Rogen: We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours.
James Franco: [correcting Seth] 127 Hours.
Seth Rogen: Uh, 127 Hours. And a functioning revolver from the movie Flyboys.

Jonah Hill: [after the group inventories the remaining food] Um, can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco: No, you can't have the Milky Way, that's MY Milky Way. I went out this morning and specifically bought this Milky Way to eat after my party.
Jay Baruchel: That's weird.
James Franco: It's not weird, it's my special food, I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.
Seth Rogen: I don't think you should get the whole Milky Way. I want some of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.
James Franco: Oh, now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson: Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way! It's a fucking Milky Way.
Jonah Hill: Guys.
Jay Baruchel: A fifth of everything is what's fair and reasonable.
Seth Rogen: Everyone gets a fifth of everything.
James Franco: [To Craig] I want one fifth of your T-shirt! I want the bottom part. The belly.
Craig Robinson: I'm not sporting a crop-top in your house.
James Franco: I'll cut that shit off and make a headband.
Craig Robinson: You couldn't handle my midriff.
Jonah Hill: Guys, the only issue is...I kinda need the Milky Way.
Jay Baruchel: For fuck's sake.
Jonah Hill: No, for real, I have low blood sugar, and if my endorphins drop too low, I'm gonna be a nightmare to be around.
Jay Baruchel: What?
James Franco: Your LBS starts acting up, you can have a finger scoop of Nutella, okay?
Seth Rogen: One finger scoop of Nutella.
Jonah Hill: Fair.

Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room
Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Craig Robinson: That's fucked up. I'm right here man.
Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
James Franco: That's racist.

Emma Watson: [Holding an axe] Back the fuck up!
James Franco: Emma, what's wrong?
Seth Rogen: W-W-W-What's wrong?
Emma Watson: What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape me.
All: No! No, no, no, no!
Seth Rogen: I got it, I got it, no, it's funny, it's funny. We were specifically talking about not raping you... [Emma hits Rogen's nose with the axe] OH!
Jay Baruchel: Holy shit!
Emma Watson: Back up! [swishes the axe around]
Jonah Hill: It's me, Jonah! It's me, Jonah Hill, America's sweetheart, J-bug, J-bone, your friend! I would never hurt you...
Emma Watson: GET BACK! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO DRINK, PUT IT IN THE BAG!
Seth Rogen: THERE'S SIX OF US, YOU CANNOT ROB US!
Emma Watson: I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND! [chops off a fake penis using the axe.]
Craig Robinson: GIVE HER DRINKS! GIVE HER DRINKS! PUT THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!
Danny McBride: Oh, God!
[Seth and James rush to the kitchen table and put the remaining drinks away in Watson's bag.]
Craig Robinson: PUT ALL THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!
Emma Watson: HURRY THE FUCK UP!
Jay Baruchel: Okay, they're getting the drinks, put the axe down!
Craig Robinson: Don't give the Milky Way away!
Jay Baruchel: Put the axe down now!
[Rogen hands the bag to Watson and she snatches it from him.]
Danny McBride: Okay?! NOW, FRANCO, SHOOT HER FACE, SHOOT HER!
James Franco: [To Danny] I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT EMMA WATSON! [To Emma] Look, Emma. Just stay here with us, it's a lot safer than out there.
[Emma yells while chopping the boards off the boarded door and leaves]
Danny McBride: Hermione just stole all of our shit.
Craig Robinson: Little bitty ass, um, 20 year-old jacked us
Danny McBride: Then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone.
Jay Baruchel: I didn't... I was just... I...
Danny McBride: I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about fucking two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.
Craig Robinson: So now, um, motherfuckers is thirsty.

James Franco: Who did this? Who did this?!
Seth Rogen: Did what? What are you talking about?
James Franco: [holds up his porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?
Seth Rogen: No.
James Franco: No?
Danny McBride: [raises hand] It was me, Franco. I fuckin' made jizz in your magazine.
James Franco: What?!
Danny McBride: When I fuckin' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude, I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
James Franco: Real fuckin' smart answer, why don't you fuckin' aim, huh?!
Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a fuckin' wild fireman's hose, you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!
James Franco: The fuck kind of jerking off is that, what, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a fuckin' sock or on a fuckin' tissue?!
Danny McBride: No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!
James Franco: I highly doubt they fuckin' taught you to fuckin' close your eyes and fuckin' cum wherever the fuck you want!
Danny McBride: I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fuckin' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fucking iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
James Franco: That's right, man. I like to fuckin' read!
Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fuckin' house like a goddamn dump truck.
James Franco: YOU DON'T CUM ON MY STUFF!
Danny McBride: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James. I'll fuckin' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin' art, I'LL CUM ANYWHERE I WANT!
James Franco: I will fuckin' cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin' madman all over you, McBride!
Danny McBride: Ooh! I fuckin' wish you'd cum on me right now! I fuckin' dare you to cum on me!
[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]
Danny McBride: [Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin' hard in here!
James Franco: This, no more, man, all over your fuckin' face!
Danny McBride: All over the fuckin' floor, all over the fuckin' place, I'll fuckin' cum anywhere I want, I'll fuckin' cum on these walls, I'll cum on the fuckin' cabinets, on the fuckin' furniture, I'LL CUM EVERYWHERE!
James Franco: [points gun] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!
Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch!
James Franco: [waving gun] No fuckin' jerking off in my house, McBride!

Craig Robinson: Hey, hey, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?!
Danny McBride: What am I doing?
[Danny pours his glass with water as the others exclaim]
Seth Rogen: Fuck, man!
Danny McBride: What? I'm just pouring myself another glass of water to wash down that dry-ass Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
James Franco: That's very nice, but you can't just pour yourself another glass of water, man, will you cut it out?!
Seth Rogen: Yeah, we agreed to one glass at dinner. We voted on it, man.
Danny McBride: Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired of all these fucking rules, man, you don't see me putting rules on you guys.
James Franco: You cannot have another glass of water.
Danny McBride: Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me. Why the fuck is it fair that him and I should drink the same amount of water? We should be dividing our rations based on our proportionate size.
Jonah Hill: I don't wanna come off as a diva here or anything. It's just that I think everyone should split everything equally.
Danny McBride: [mimicking Jonah] "I just think that everybody should have the fucking same. I have a goddamn earring." SHUT THE FUCK UP, JONAH!
James Franco: You know what, Danny, if you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.
Danny McBride: You're making me into a joke right now, Franco, and you are not gonna like the fuckin' punch line.
James Franco: No more jerking off, no more water, just SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
Danny McBride: Okay, I'm done. We're not gonna have any more water.
Seth Rogen: Good.
James Franco: All right.
[Danny grabs and pours the entire water gallon on himself. The others immediately fight over the gallon away from him.]
Danny McBride: YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN, YOU GUYS FORCED MY FUCKING HAND BY GANGING UP ON ME!
James Franco: [Aims gun at McBride] GODDAMN IT, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!
[Danny sticks the gun in his mouth, allowing Franco to shoot him, but he throws the gun out.]
Danny McBride: That's what I thought. Nerd.

Jay Baruchel: [trying to perform an exorcism] The power of Christ compels you!
Jonah Hill: [possessed] Guess what? It's not that compelling.

Seth Rogen: Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.
Craig Robinson: Jesus and God. It's all the same.
Jay Baruchel: It's a trinity.
Craig Robinson: The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
James Franco: It's like Neapolitan ice cream.

James Franco: [debating their worthiness to go to Heaven] We're four actors, we bring joy to people's lives.
Jay Baruchel: Yeah, but we don't do it for free. We get paid handsomely, much higher than the average professional.

[After Jay, Seth, and James are attacked by a group of cannibals, everything comes to a halt when Danny McBride comes out of the truck.]
Jay Baruchel: Danny?
Danny McBride: What the fuck? You guys are still alive?!
Seth Rogen: Yeah!
Danny McBride: Holy shit, I didn't expect that. [tugs on his leash] Fuck out here. [On the other side of the leash is a gimp complete with a luchador mask, hockey pads, and a thong comes out of the truck.] Shit, I can't believe you guys are here! That's fuckin' crazy! And your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten. And you three gentlemen look delicious.
Jay Baruchel: What does that have to do with us?
James Franco: The fuck you talkin' about?
Danny McBride: [laughs] I'm a cannibal, hombre! We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass!
Seth Rogen: Fuck you, you can't eat us, fuck that, man!
Danny McBride: I do whatever the fuck I want, WHEN I WANT! I've butt-fucked this dude. See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit, I do whatever I want. This is my gimp! Channing, introduce yourself.
[The gimp lifts his mask, revealing himself as Channing Tatum]
Channing Tatum: Hey, wassup, guys? Y'all cool?
James Franco: That's Channing Tatum!
Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude, what the fuck?!
Danny McBride: Channing fucking Tatum, I found him wandering on the freeway, I collected him and made him my bitch, get off my dick. I call him "Channing Tate-yum."
James Franco: Hardcore, man.

[after James taunts Danny, the rapture beam disappears and James falls back down on the ground.]
Seth Rogen: Oh, shit.
James Franco: [horrified] What happened?! What did I do?! Take me back!
Danny McBride: I'll tell you what happened, Franco! You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty! Tom Petty.
[Danny and Channing gang up on the now-doomed James]
Danny McBride: You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.
James Franco: What?
[Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing Tatum joining in]
James Franco: NOOOOOO!!!
[Seth and Jay watch in sheer horror and disgust]
Danny McBride: HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?!? [shrieks]
James Franco: [last word] DANNY!!!
[The cannibals gang up and fatally eat Franco up to his death]
Danny McBride: SETH, JAY!
[Three cannibals begin to chase Seth and Jay]
Jay Baruchel: Oh, shit, they're running after us!
Seth Rogen: Shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Run!
Danny McBride: [last words] BRING THEM TO ME!

Taglines[edit]

  • Nothing ruins a party like the end of the world
  • Ending Summer 2013

Cast[edit]

Note: The entire cast plays fictional versions of themselves.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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