Full House/Season 3
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Full House was a television sitcom that ran on the American ABC network from 1987 until 1995.
Tanner's Island [3.1][edit]
- [while Danny runs after the runaway boat, Jesse follows him]
- Rebecca: Jesse, you'll never catch that boat!
- Jesse: I don't wanna catch the boat. I wanna catch Danny!
Back To School Blues [3.2][edit]
- Joey: [upon seeing Jesse move like Elvis Presley] Jesse, Elvis never made one golf movie.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do [3.3][edit]
Nerd For A Day [3.4][edit]
- Danny: Joey, let's go! We're gonna be late!
- Joey: Danny, what is the big rush?
- Danny: Joey, you know I always leave the house at exactly 7:48. Now, thanks to you, I'm already two minutes late.
- Joey: What are you talking about? We are right on time.
- Danny: Joey. That's a barometer.
- Joey: Well, in that case, we'd better get moving. There's a hurricane brewing.
Granny Tanny [3.5][edit]
- Jesse: Who let you outta your crib?
- Michelle: I let me out.
- Jesse: You mean you climbed over the bars and jumped down all by yourself?
- Michelle: You got it, dude.
- Jesse: Jail break!
Star Search [3.6][edit]
- Jesse: Joseph, you've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start acting like a human being.
And They Call It Puppy Love [3.7][edit]
- [Joey reads from the tabloids]
- Joey: Listen to this, Michelle. "Psychic struck by lightning". If he was any good, he'd have seen that coming.
Divorce Court [3.8][edit]
- Rebecca: [whilst Jesse, Danny and Joey race] For those of you at home who think you're watching a slow-motion replay, do not be fooled. They are actually moving at this speed.
Dr. Dare Rides Again [3.9][edit]
- Pete: (in an old video from '83, when Jesse does the dare of his life) The doctor is about to operate!
- Jesse: Aren't you a little overdramatic there?
- Pete: Not if you die.
- Jesse: Hey, look, I was dared, so I'm gonna do it.
- Girl next to him: Not without a kiss for luck first.
- Jesse: Have mercy.
- Pete: [so annoyed by their good-luck kiss, covers the camera lens with his right hand] Aw, don't waste tape on this. This is disgusting!
The Greatest Birthday on Earth [3.10][edit]
- Danny: Joey, what is an elephant doing in my living room?
- JoJo: Surprise, Cleano!
- [the elephant catches JoJo's briefs with his trunk]
- JoJo: The surprise is on JoJo. She got my underwear!
- Danny: I got a great cake.
- Joey: Did ya get the triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown's face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya, did ya, DID YA?
- Danny: Yes, Joey. Look at this. [shows Joey the cake]
- Joey: Yes!
Aftershocks [3.11][edit]
Joey & Stacy and... Oh, Yeah, Jesse [3.12][edit]
- Joey: [Right after kissing Stacy] Ay chihuahua!
- Jesse: Ay chihuahua?
- Joey: I could've said, "Have mercy!" but it felt more like an, "Ay chihuahua!"
No More Mr. Dumb Guy [3.13][edit]
Misadventures in Baby-Sitting [3.14][edit]
- Brian: Oh no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
- Danny: [to Steve, who is smoking heavily] You, sir, are a chimney!
Lust in the Dust [3.15][edit]
Bye Bye, Birdie [3.16][edit]
- Michelle: Hi, Dave, you're a pretty bird!
- Miss Petrie: Ready for a story boys and girls?
- Michelle: Come on, it's story time!
- Aaron: Miss Petrie, Dave flew out the window, Michelle did it.
- Miss Petrie: Well, it was just an accident, I'm sure Michelle didn't mean to do it.
- Michelle: I'm sorry, I'm a bad girl!
- Aaron: A very bad girl!
13 Candles [3.17][edit]
- Stephanie: [alarm clock goes off] What time is it?
- D.J.: It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.
- Stephanie: You have an excellent memory.
- D.J.: (gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.
- Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose!
- D.J.: I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.
- Stephanie: I liked you better when you were a kid.
- D.J.: Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)
- Kimmy: D.J., what are you doing dancing with Elliott? You should be dancing with Kevin Guin.
- D.J.: I would, but Kevin didn't ask me.
- Kimmy: Then ask him. It's very simple, watch. (Turns to Bitterman) Hey, Bitterman, you wanna dance?
- Bitterman: Sure, why not?
- Kimmy: Maybe later. I'm busy.
- Jake & Kimmy (after they kiss): Whoa, baby!
Mr. Egghead [3.18][edit]
- Michelle: Joey broke Stephanie's nose.
- Danny: [to Joey] You broke Stephanie's nose?!
Those Better Not Be Those Days [3.19][edit]
- (Danny, Jesse and Joey look into the future and see that Stephanie, DJ and Michelle are adults and still living at home)
- Adult Kimmy: (Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!
- Jesse: Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!
- Adult Kimmy: Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.
- (afterwards)
- Jesse: That was so depressing.
- Joey: Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?
- Jesse: No, not that - my hair.
Honey, I Broke The House [3.20][edit]
- (when there was a car in the kitchen)
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
- DJ & Kimmy: WHOA BABY!!
- DJ: There's a car in the kitchen!
- Michelle: I told you so.
- DJ: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?
- Michelle: Yes, I do!
- DJ: How?
- Michelle: Through the window!
- Jesse: Have mercy! There's a... Th-there's...
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen.
- Jesse: Thank you. How'd a car get in the kitchen?
- DJ & Kimmy: Through the window.
- Danny: Look at this house! Look at this kitchen! Look at this mess! I just waxed the floor! Where's my best friend Joey?
- DJ: Dad, let me get one more picture of you.
- Danny: This is a very serious matter!
- DJ: That's okay, you don't have to smile.
- Danny: Joey, are you okay? You had us worried sick!
- Joey: Danny, I'm fine.
- Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!
- Joey: MY CAR! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?!
- Danny: Are you saying you didn't know about this?
- Joey: If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?
- Stephanie: I dro--- I dro--- I dro---
- Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break? What did you break?
- Stephanie: You name it, I broke it.
- (Joey leans on car, sobbing.)
- Michelle: Don't cry. Be a big boy.
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
Just Say No Way [3.21][edit]
- (DJ walks into the hallway and sees Kevin with two other boys)
- DJ: Kevin!
- Kevin: Hey, DJ!
- DJ: What are you doing out here?
- Kevin: Just hanging out!
- Paul: The dance was lame, so we started our own party.
- DJ: (sees the beer can under Kevin's jacket) You're drinking beer!
- Kevin: Yeah. Tastes horrible. (offers her the can) Want some?
- DJ: No, I don't want some! You guys aren't supposed to be drinking beer!
- Paul: Big deal! We're just having some fun. Try it!
- (he shakes his own can and sprays her with it)
- DJ: Cut it out!
- Kevin: (to Paul) You didn't have to do that! I'm sorry, DJ. I'll go get some paper towels.
- DJ: Why don't you guys just get out of here?!
- Paul: You are so uncool!
- DJ: Oh? And you think you're cool? (she grabs the can and shows them how it's done, as Jesse walks through the door) "The dance was lame. Now we're having a party!"
- Paul: Forget it, DJ. We don't want any beer.
- Sam: Yeah, we're only 13.
- (they run away from her)
- Jesse: (noticing what just happened, as well as what's in her hand) DJ Tanner!
- DJ: Uncle Jesse--
- Jesse: You're in big, big trouble, young lady.
- (after the break...)
- DJ: Uncle Jesse, I didn't do anything.
- Jesse: Oh, yeah? Then what's this?
- (takes the beer can)
- DJ: It's beer, but--
- Jesse: (interrupts her) Oh, you gonna tell me you weren't drinking it? I can smell it all over you!
- DJ: Those guys were the ones drinking. I was trying to stop them.
- Jesse: Alright! Save it! (throws it in the trash) I saw the whole thing. Come on, you're going home!
- DJ: Uncle Jesse!
- Kimmy: (noticing the confrontation) DJ, where are you going?
- Jesse: Home. She doesn't feel well!
- (and that shocks Kimmy)
- (DJ enters her and Stephanie's room, crying)
- DJ: How could they do this? I was telling the truth! I don't deserve to be treated this way; I didn't do anything!
- Stephanie: What didn't you do?
- DJ: It doesn't matter. Nobody believes me anyway - not Uncle Jesse, not Joey, not even Dad.
- (sobs)
- Stephanie: I believe you, DJ.
- DJ: You do?
- Stephanie: Of course I do. You're my big sister. And besides that, you were looking right in my eyes. When you lie, you look at the top of my head.
- DJ: Thanks, Steph. (they hug) I gotta find a way for them to believe me.
- (in the kitchen...)
- Danny: I can't believe this is happening! She's only 13, and she's such a good kid.
- Joey: (walking over from the counter to the table and sitting with Jesse) Danny, this could happen to any kid. There's - there's a lot of pressure on them to try drinking.
- Jesse: (to Joey, possibly addressing Danny as well) I know, and not just from other kids. From, you know, sometimes, these celebrities, and rock stars, and people these kids look up to. I mean, they're - they're making drinking look cool. I mean, they're sending the wrong message to kids. (turns to Danny) Let me tell you something! DJ is gonna get the right message, okay? She's gotta know that there's no drinking, period. I say we go upstairs and lay down the law!
- Danny: Jesse, wait a minute. Just sit down. (he does) I think it's not as simple as just punishing her. I think we have to find out why DJ did it, so we can decide the best way to help her. I just don't want her to be one of those kids who has to learn the hard way.
- (at the school, Kimmy and the others are helping clean up from the dance)
- Kimmy: (as her best friend comes in) DJ, you missed everything! Kevin and Paul and Sam got caught drinking. They're gonna be suspended from school.
- DJ: I hate to say it, but they deserve it. Your mom's waiting outside. I have to find Kevin.
- Kimmy: (points to him sitting in a chair) He's over there waiting for his parents. You better talk to him now. You may not see him for a long time.
- Kevin: (drunk) Hi.
- DJ: Hi. You and I have to talk. My family thinks I was drinking.
- Kevin: (drunk) Oh, man.
- DJ: You gotta tell my dad I'm innocent. Why did you have to go and drink anyway?
- Kevin: (drunk) Those guys said it would loosen me up. I thought you had more fun with me.
- DJ: Well, I didn't have fun with you tonight. I had fun with the old Kevin.
Three Men and Another Baby [3.22][edit]
- Jesse: (about the baby they're watching) You see cute, I see smelly diapers.
Fraternity Reunion [3.23][edit]
- (after the TV fell off the banister)
- Danny: What? Why? How? Who?!
- Michelle: Daddy's a girl.
- Stephanie: No, he's a woman.
- Kimmy: An ugly woman.
Our Very First Telethon [3.24][edit]
- Danny: I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.
- Joey: Danny, you've been out for four hours.
- Danny: (checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...
- Rebecca: Danny, we're still on the air.
- Danny: (to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show.
