Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like out there! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results.
Ray Stantz: Yep. Well, let's get ready. Switch me on.
[Egon turns on Ray's proton pack, and he and Peter back away from Ray uneasily]
[the Ghostbusters cause a chandelier to fall onto a table]
Ray Stantz: I did that. I did that. That's my fault.
Peter Venkman: It's okay, the table broke the fall.
Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Peter Venkman: What?
Egon Spengler: Don't cross the streams.
Peter Venkman: Why?
Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?
Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Ray Stantz:[shocked gasp]Total protonic reversal.
Peter Venkman: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.
[The Ghostbusters have just completed a hunt in a hotel]
Peter Venkman: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Hotel Manager: Did you see it? What was it?
Ray Stantz:[holding up the steaming ghost-trap] We got it!
Hotel Manager: What is it? Will there be any more of them?
Ray Stantz: Sir, what you had there was what we referred to as a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm, or a Class-5 full-roaming vapor. Real nasty one, too.
Peter Venkman: And now... [clears his throat] ...let's talk seriously. Now, for the entrapment, [Spengler holds up four fingers behind the Manager] we're gonna have to ask you for four big ones, $4,000 for that, but we are having a special this week on proton charging and storage of the beast, [Spengler holds up one finger] and that's only going to come to $1,000, fortunately.
Hotel Manager: $5,000? I had no idea it would be so much; I won't pay it.
Peter Venkman: Well, that's all right. We can just put it right back in there.
Ray Stantz: Yeah, we certainly can, Dr. Venkman.
Hotel Manager: No, no, no, no! All right. Anything.
Peter Venkman:[smiling] Thank you.
Ray Stantz: Thank you. Hope we can help you again. [to the hotel guests] Coming through! One Class-5 full-roaming vapor. Move 'em out!
[ EPA agent Walter Peck is visiting the Ghostbusters]
Peter Venkman: Can I help you?
Walter Peck: I'm Walter Peck, I'm with the Environmental Protection... [Venkman shakes hands with Peck and still has Ectoplasm on his hands] ...Agency, the third district.
Peter Venkman:[wipes the Ectoplasm on Peck's Suit] Great, how's it going down there?
Walter Peck: Are you Peter Venkman?
Peter Venkman: Yes, I'm... Dr. Venkman.
Walter Peck: Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman: Well, I have a PhD in Parapsychology and Psychology.
Walter Peck: I see. And now, you catch ghosts.
Peter Venkman: Yeah, you can say that.
Walter Peck: And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman: I'm not at liberty to say.
Walter Peck: And where do you put these ghosts, once you catch them?
Peter Venkman: Into a storage facility.
Walter Peck: And would the storage facility be located on these premises?
Peter Venkman: Yes.
Walter Peck: And may I see this storage facility?
Peter Venkman: No.
Walter Peck: And why not, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman: Because you did not use the magic word.
Walter Peck: What is the magic word, Mr. Venkman?
Walter Peck: May I please see the [chuckles] storage facility, Mr. Venkman?
Peter Venkman: Why do you want to see the storage facility?
Walter Peck: Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess for any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the presence of noxious, possibly hazardous waste chemicals in your basement. Now you either show me what is down there, or I come back with a court order.
Peter Venkman: You go get a court order, and I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution.
Walter Peck: You can have it your way, Mr. Venkman.
[While in jail, the Ghostbusters are studying the blueprints of Dana's apartment building and uncover some startling facts]
Egon Spengler: The structure of this roof cap is exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker that NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in deep space.
Ray Stantz: Cold riveted girders...with cores of pure selenium.
Peter Venkman:[to jailbirds suddenly looking over the blueprints] Everybody getting this so far? So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to, huh?
Ray Stantz:[slaps Venkman up the head] No! Nobody ever made them like this! I mean, the architect was either a certified genius or an authentic wacko!
Peter Venkman: Ray, pretend for a moment that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the Hell is going on.
Ray Stantz: You never studied. The whole building is a huge super-conductive antenna that was designed and built expressly for the purpose of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse of Spook Central.
Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws--
Egon Spengler: It's not the girl, Peter, it's the building. Something terrible is about to enter our world, and this building is obviously the door. The architect's name was Ivo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor. Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then in 1920, he started a secret society.
Peter Venkman: Let me guess: Gozer worshippers.
Egon Spengler: Right.
Peter Venkman:[to Stantz, mockingly] "No studying."
Egon Spengler: After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. [notices more jailbirds listening in] And he wasn't alone; he had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof, bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world. And now, it looks like it may actually happen.
Peter Venkman:[singing]So be good, for goodness sake! Whoa! Somebody's coming! Somebody's coming!
Ray Stantz: We have to get out of here. We've gotta get a judge or something.
Winston Zeddemore: Hey, wait a minute! Hold it! Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian god is gonna drop in on Central Park West and start tearing up the city?!
Egon Spengler: Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Peter Venkman: Yeah. Big difference.
Winston Zeddemore: No offense, but I gotta get my own lawyer.
Walter Peck:I am Walter Peck, sir, and I'm prepared to make a full report. These men are consummate snowball artists. They use sensitive nerve gases to induce hallucinations. People think they're seeing ghosts, and they call these bozos, who conveniently show up to deal with the problem with a fake electronic light show.
Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Venkman: Yes it's true. This man has no dick.
Walter Peck: Jeez! [charges at Venkman; everybody tries to pull them apart]
Police Sergeant: Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck: Alright, alright, alright!
Peter Venkman: Well, that's what I heard!
Mayor: This is City Hall! Now what am I gonna do here, John? What is this?
Fire Commissioner: All I know is that was no light show we saw this morning. I've seen every kind of combustion known to man, but this beats the Hell out of me.
Police Commissioner: The walls in the 53rd precinct were bleeding. How do you explain that?
Archbishop:[enters City Hall] Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Mayor: Oh... Your Eminence. [kisses Archbishop's ring]
Archbishop: How are you, Lenny?
Mayor Lenny: You're looking good, Mike. [gives Mike a friendly tap] We're in a real fix, here. What do you think I should do?
Mike: Lenny, officially, the Church will not take any position on the religious implications of these phenomena. Personally, Lenny, I think it's a sign from God. But don't quote me on that.
Peter Venkman: I think that's a smart move, Mike.
Mayor Lenny: Now, I'm not gonna call a press conference and tell everyone to start praying.
Winston Zeddemore: I'm Winston Zeddemore, Your Honor. I've only been with the company for a couple of weeks, but I gotta tell you: these things are real. Since I joined these men, I have seen shit that'll turn you white!
Peter Venkman: Well, you can believe Mr. Pecker...
Walter Peck: My name is "Peck."
Peter Venkman: ...or you could accept the fact that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor Lenny: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. RealWrath-of-God type stuff!
Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Egon Spengler: 40 years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes!
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!
Mayor Lenny: Enough, I get the point! And what if you're wrong?
Peter Venkman: If I'm wrong, then nothing happens! We go to jail; peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it! But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing... Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters. [Mayor slightly smiles and the Archbishop of New York nods in agreement]
Walter Peck: I don't believe you're seriously considering listening to these men.
Mayor:[contemplates; to officers while pointing at Peck] Get him outta here.
Peter Venkman:[waving] Bye.
Walter Peck: I'll fix you, Venkman. I'm gonna fix you!
Peter Venkman: I am going to send you a nice fruit basket. I'm gonna miss him!
Walter Peck: All right, all right!
Mayor Lenny: Alright, we've got work to do. Now what do you need from me?
[Gozer materializes in front of the Ghostbusters in the form of a woman.]
Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian? Good evening. As a duly-designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the next convenient parallel dimension.
Peter Venkman: That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.
Gozer the Gozerian:Are you a god?
Ray Stantz:[looks at Venkman, who nods] No.
Gozer the Gozerian:Then... DIIIIIIIIE![sends the Ghostbusters sprawling with lightning bolts]
Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES!"
Gozer the Gozerian:Sub-creatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volgus Zildrohar, the Traveler has come! Choose and perish!
Ray Stantz: What do you mean, choose? We don't understand.
Gozer the Gozerian:Choose! Choose the form of the Destructor!
Peter Venkman: Oh, I get it! I get it. Oh! Very cute. [to the others] "Whatever we think of." If we think of J. Edgar Hoover, J. Edgar Hoover will appear and destroy us, okay? So empty your heads. Empty your heads. Don't think of anything. We've only got one shot at this.
Gozer the Gozerian:The choice is made!
Peter Venkman: Whoa! Hold on! Whoa!
Gozer the Gozerian:The Traveler has come!
Peter Venkman: Nobody "choosed" anything! [turns to Egon] Did you choose anything?
Egon Spengler: No.
Peter Venkman:[to Winston] Did you?!
Winston Zeddemore: My mind is totally blank.
Peter Venkman:I didn't choose anything! [All three slowly turn to confront Ray]
Ray Stantz: I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.
Peter Venkman:[sternly] What? What "just popped in there"?
Ray Stantz: I-- I-I tried to think--
Egon Spengler:LOOK![They all look over one side of the roof]
Ray Stantz: No! It can't be!
Peter Venkman: What is it?
Ray Stantz: It can't be!
Peter Venkman: What did you do, Ray?!
Winston Zeddemore: Oh, shit!
[They all see a giant cubic white head topped with a sailor hat]