Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie

Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie Provider: NBC Universal is a 2002 American computer-animated Christian musical comedy adventure film produced by Big Idea Productions and released by Universal Pictures and Artisan Entertainment through the F·H·E Pictures label, based on the Christian musical animated series VeggieTales created by Phil Vischer and Mike Nawrocki. When the Veggies encounter some car trouble on the way to the concert, they get stranded at an old rundown seafood joint, where nothing is quite as it seems and been told a bible story of "Jonah".

Directed and written by Phil Vischer and Mike Nawrocki.

Annie Onion

• May I please use the bathroom?

Dialogue

Laura: My tickeeeeeeeet!!

(The ticket lands on the side of the road. Cuts back to the Veggies in the van. An annoyed Bob tries to get Mike out of his way.)

Bob: Do you mind?!

Mike: (his guitar is stuck in the steering wheel) I'm stuck! (Mike tries to pull the guitar out the steering wheel, but accidentally rips the wheel off the dashboard. Bob gasps in horror. Mike frantically shakes his guitar to try to get the wheel off of his guitar. The Veggies all crying out in fear as the van swerves all around the road. Meanwhile, in the forest, a mother porcupine is walks with her two babies. Cut back to the van, which is still driving like crazy.)

---

Bob: A porcupine!

Mike: Tree! [Bob steers right towards a cabin] Cabin! [Bob steers left towards a clothesline] Underwear!

Bob: (chuckles) Well, I'm glad that's over. [line snaps. Bob turns to Mike] Did you say something? [Mike shakes his head. Another line snaps] Oh...

Mike: Dear! [Three more lines snaps and the van continues down the hill towards the river and Veggies screams and bumped with the tree stump and two airbags]

Bob: Am I in heaven?

Mike: (sniffs) It smells like… Wisconsin. [?] (Everyone jumps out of the car)

Bob: Well, nobody got hurt. [A quill comes out of nowhere and hits Bob in the behind and Bob crying out loud in scared] Ahh! (The porcupines look down happily.)

Mike: Wow! What a shot! [Bob groans]

Junior: Hey, what's that? (They all notice a restaurant that read SEAFOOD with the letter D light out.)

All: Ooh.

Annie: What's seafoo?

Percy Pea: Maybe it’s like Tofu.

Mike: Only saltier.

(The D lights up.)

All: (O.S.) Ahh.

---

Laura: Hmph! I'm coming with you, Mr. Bob.

---

[as Jonah (Archibald Asparagus) is praying in his tent.]

Jonah: A new message? Yes, wha-what's that? People being unkind? Lying? [gasps] Stealing? Oh dear, sounds like a standard turn and repent to me. All right, name the town. I'll be on my way first thing in the morning. Where is it? Jericho? Damascus? What? Nineveh? I'm not aware of any Ninevehs in Israel. No, I don't think- Oh. [sees Nineveh on the map] You mean that Nineveh?

Pa Grape: [offscreen; narrating] That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria, and it was the biggest, meanest city around! Now the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people, the Israelites. They lied, they stole. But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes! [One of the Ninevites does so to a gourd.] They even slapped each other with fishes. [Two peas are shown doing just that.] They didn't know the difference between right and wrong. The Ninevites were so mean in fact, that most Israelites, including Jonah, wished God would just wipe Nineveh off the face of the earth! [A fire from heaven destroys Nineveh; leaving one pea. He rants before the fire destroys him too, offscreen; narrating] Needless to say, Jonah was shocked that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.

Jonah: You don't want me to go there! You don't know what Nineveh is like! Perhaps you've never been there! Well of course you haven't! A God like you would never go to a place like Nineveh, and for that matter neither would a prophet like me. [laughs] Oh.

---

[Jonah exits the tent the next morning, when...]

Jerry: Morning, Jonah! What's the word?

Jonah: What? Nothing! There is no word! [starts runs away]

Jerry: Uh, nothing? At all?

Jonah: No! Nothing at all! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very bu-

Mr. Nezzer: Morning, Jonah. What's the word?

Jonah: Ah, stop it! There is no word! Nothing! I've got to get out of here! [continues running away] There is no word! I have no new messages! And above all, I am not... going... to Nineveh!

[Because he's not looking where he's going, he bumps into a sign and it hits him, knocking him back. He looks and sees that it's a map of the Mediterranean Sea.]

Scooter: Sorry, sir! I can't sell you a ticket to Nineveh!

Jonah: What? Who are you?

Scooter: The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets. There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea to clean the sand out of your wicket, aye?! [Jonah slightly jumps.] But ya can't sail to Nineveh! It's land-locked! See? [Angus points to a star surrounded entirely by orange, symbolizing only land.] You can't go by sea! Ya got to go by land!

Jonah: But I don't want to go to-

Penelope: [as she and Mabel spot Jonah] Oh, hello, Mr. Jonah! What's the word?

Scooter: He's going to Nineveh!

Penelope: Oh, really?

Jonah: [frustrated] I am not going to Nineveh! Why on earth would I wanna go to Nineveh?! In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! [looks at map] What's the farthest thing in the world from Nineveh?

Scooter: Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt. It's lovely this time of year.

[Jonah isn't paying attention to what he's saying, instead directing his attention toward a star on the far left edge of the map.]

Jonah: There! I want to go there!

Scooter: Huh?! Tarshish?! Why, that would take weeks! It's the other end of the world!

Jonah: Perfect! How much?

Scooter: Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshi-

[Then they suddenly hear Larry, Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt singing "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything".]

---

[Jonah heads below the deck of the pirate ship and looks around.]

Jonah: Oh, what have I done? What have I done?

[He puts two bags of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls on a bench and uses them as pillows. As he starts to lie down, he suddenly hears a voice from seemingly nowhere.]

Motivational Tape: You are powerful and attractive.

Jonah: What? Who's there?

Motivational Tape: You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.

Jonah: [jolts up] Ah! The bag! It speaks! [As Jonah throws the bag to the lantern, the lantern swings the bag and it falls onto a barrel.]

Khalil: [offscreen; from inside the bag] Ow! What did you do that for?

Jonah: Mr. Twisty? Who's there?! Show yourself! [The mystery creature moves around. As Jonah looks at the bag, the creature pops out of the bag, spilling cheese curls. Jonah sees a caterpillar named Khalil, with headphones.]

Khalil: Hello.

Jonah: What are you?

Khalil: Who, me? Oh. My name is Khalil. I am a caterpillar. Well, that is only half true. My mother was a caterpillar, my father was a worm. But I'm okay with that now.

Jonah: Khalil?

Khalil: Khalil. You've got to get your foot into it. [He removes a cheese curl from his foot, falls over, but gets up] I bet you are wondering why I am here.

Jonah: Ah, you tidy up around the ship.

Khalil: Oh no, I do not work on this ship. I am a small business operator, a traveling salesman. I sell Persian rugs door to door. [shows his cart full of tiny rugs] See?

Jonah: Oh, lovely.

Khalil: By the way, do you know where this ship is going?

Jonah: Yes. Tarshish.

Khalil: Tarshish? [gasps] What a trip! You know, that may be just what I need. The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here but I still have a positive mental attitude, because of my motivational tapes. [puts his headphones on]

Motivational Tape: You are a skilled metal worker.

Khalil: I am a skilled metal worker? Ha! I did not know that!

---

[Jonah, still dreaming, is tosses in his bunk. Pa Grape calls at him off-screen]

Pa Grape: Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!

Jonah: No! I... I can't hear you!

Pa Grape: Come on, wake up! We've got trouble!

Jonah: What? What's happening?

Pa Grape: We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before! If we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink!

Khalil: We seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy!

Pa Grape: Huh? Hey! What are you doing here?! Didn't I tell you to get off my ship, you lousy leaf-eater?

Khalil: Well, yes. But you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish to break the back of the camel thieves! [Pa Grape turns to Jonah, who rolls his eyes] Crime-fighting runs very deep in my family.

Pa Grape: Why, if it wasn't for this storm, I'd make you walk the plank. And you! How can you sleep at a time like this?!

Jonah: What's going on?!

Pa Grape: I'll tell you what's goin' on! We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help!

Jonah: Well, what can we do?

Pa Grape: Oh! Get up and pray to your God! Maybe He'll have mercy on us and spare our lives! [falls over] Oy! Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here! Wait a minute. That's it! All right you two, follow me!

---

[Last Lines]

Jonah: What? What are you doing?!

Khalil: I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful! That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye! [Khalil resumes walking as Jonah stares in disbelief]

Jonah: You can't just leave!

Khalil: Can and am. [Reginald begins to walks away as well, leaving Jonah all alone]

Jonah: But who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone! Hello? Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Khalil? Khalil? KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!

Pa Grape: [back in the present day] The end. [closes the slider door]

Bob: Wait a minute. It's over?

Pa Grape: Yup.

Bob: That's how it ends?

Pa Grape: Yup.

Junior: But what did Jonah learn?

Mr. Lunt: The question, my friends, is not "what did Jonah learn". The question is — what did you learn?

Junior: Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help. And we need to give second chances, even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?

Pa Grape: Hey, tomato?

Bob: Huh?

Pa Grape: Your friend there, the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.

Bob: Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh-uh! I… Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.

Pa Grape: Yep. Now get out of here before crab legs get cold.

Mike: You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.

Pa Grape: Well, whaddya want? A big musical number?

Mike: Well, yeah!

Pa Grape: Who do they think I am, Twippo?

Twippo (Archibald Asparagus): Yes?

Voice Cast

• Phil Vischer – Archibald Asparagus/Jonah/Twippo, Angel #3, Hank, Mr. Lunt, Bob the Tomato, Cockney Pea #2, Phillipe Pea, Scallion #1, Percy Pea, Jimmy Gourd, Porcupine #2, Mr. Nezzer, Pa Grape, Spike, Whale, King Twistomer, Tom Grape, Phil Winkelstein
• Mike Nawrocki – Larry the Cucumber, Wee Pea, Scallion #2, Oscar the Polish, Jean Claude Pea, Cockney Pea #1, Christophe Pea, Self-Help Tape Voice, Jerry Gourd
• Ally Nawrocki – Lisa Asparagus
• Dan Anderson – Mike Asparagus
• Mike Sage – Scallion #3
• Tim Hodge – Khalil the Caterpillar, Lenny Carrot, Archibald's Dad, Blind Lemon Lincoln
• Jim Poole – Scooter Carrot/Angus, Lil' Pea
• Shelby Vischer – Annie Onion, Mother Porcupine, Lily Asparagus, Jean-Claude's Mom/Savannah Pea
• Lisa Vischer – Junior Asparagus, Asparagus Singers, Angel #2, Porcupine #1, Annie's Mom, Lisa Asparagus
• Kristin Blegen – Laura Carrot, Ma Grape, Lily Asparagus, Angel #1, April the Koala
• Ron Smith – City Official, Paul the Vulture, Crazed Jopponian
• Megan Murphy – Madame Blueberry