Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Season 6

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Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001- 2011) is a criminal drama television series, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Major Case Squad, an elite group of detectives specializing in cases of political sensitivity or public attention.

Blind Spot [6.01] [G/E]

[Eames is kidnapped, and Goren works with his mentor to find her]

[Not trusting Goren's unothodox investigative style, new Major Case Captain Ross has instructed Eames to privately keep him "in the loop" about their cases.]

Eames: [to Goren, privately] I'm supposed to keep an eye on you.

Goren: Let me know if I can help.

Declan Gage: [about serial killers] They all have one thing in common. No one has ever listened to them, to their story. So I listen to them. However long it takes.

Jo Gage: He told me. About your mother. Your father. He said you could've gone either way.

Goren: Either way?

Jo Gage: He said... some homes are like... labs for creating serial killers.

[Goren arrests Jo for committing several murders and kidnapping Eames]

Goren: Jo.... it's time.

Jo Gage: [resigned] Tell my dad everything. He'll come to my cell now. He'll listen to me. However long it takes.

Tru Love [6.02] [L/W]

[Logan teams up with his new partner, Megan Wheeler, to investigate the death of a womanizing surgeon to the NYPD.]

[Driving in the car on the way to the crime scene.]

Logan: Listen, we gotta split the driving, 'cause cabbies make me homicidal.

Wheeler: Good.

[Long silence.]

Logan: Don't feel we got to make conversation just because we're partners, either.

Wheeler: Ditto.

Wheeler: So you're kind of over the whole excitement over a new partner thing?

Logan: [Deadpan] This is me. Excited.

Det. Privera: [Greets Logan] Logan. What, you're covering a road kill? You piss off your new Captain already?

Logan: Working on it. Privera, this is Wheeler. My new, uh, driver.

[Inspecting a motorcycle rider impaled on an iron fence]

Logan: Wow. Looks like his donorcycle skidded out at the wrong time, wrong place, huh?

Wheeler: Death by lubricant. Think there's a message in that?

Capt. Ross: How you two making out?

Logan: We're fine. Never had a partner with freckles before.

Capt. Ross: 3 years undercover vice, drugs, white collar. No one ever made her.

Logan: I can believe that. She get carded at bars?

Capt. Ross: I'll tell you the same thing I told her. Don't jump to conclusions about your new partner. And hey, if it doesn't work out, I can always get you Barek back.

[Logan grimaces.]

[Wheeler discovers a spy camera hidden in the belly of a Buddha statue.]

Logan: Found yourself a Buddhacam.

[Talking to the 16 year old son of the dead victim.]

Logan: As long as you're here, maybe you can help us out. We're looking for some of your dad's ... we're looking for, ah... Wheeler?

Wheeler: Do you know where you dad kept his homemade porn tapes?

[Logan is reviewing homemade porn while other male detectives are gathered at the door.]

Capt. Ross: So your partner drew the short stick.

Wheeler: He's scanned over ten hours of that stuff. Something tells me it loses its charm after the s--

Capt. Ross: Wheeler, it never loses its charm.

Kent: You know what Mr. Carver's nickname for Major Case was? Major Hunch.

Logan: He thinks he's in love. Can't say as I blame him.

Capt. Ross: Let me guess. You don't have kids. I have two boys, 14 and 10. If a teacher ever laid a hand on either one of them, I don't care if that teacher's male or female, I'd break 'em in two.

Logan: Sure, as a parent you would, but how about when you were 16?

Logan: O Canada, where the age of consent is 14.

Wheeler: And you know this because...?

Logan: I'm kind of a Canada buff.

Siren Call [6.03] [G/E]

[A trophy husband's secretary is murdered, and Goren and Eames investigate his supermodel wife]

Capt. Ross: That's half-clever, which is about right for a trophy husband.

Eames: Some trophy. He marries Kelly Sloane and then cheats on her.

Capt. Ross: A man marries a model, he's not looking for a soul mate.

Goren: Brian told you your husband was having an affair?

Kelly Sloane-Raines: This is a small town. I've learned to ignore the rumor mill. I just keep...

Goren: Smiling?

Kelly Sloane-Raines: No one wants to hear you're happy.

Maltese Cross [6.04] [L/W]

[The murder of a fireman ends up in a brawl between NYPD and FDNY, leading to a hearing before the Commissioner for Logan and Wheeler, and a possible repeat killer]

Charlie: Screw you.

Logan: I don't know about you, but I don't go that way.

[Charlie punches Logan and a brawl commences.]

[In the hospital, afterwards]

Logan: Hand me my pants, will you?

Wheeler: Logan, I'm really sorry that--

Logan: Wheeler, two things that I don't need right now. Another fight, or an apology.

[Large conference room at One Police Plaza. The camera pans over two file folders, one with Logan's picture pinned to it, one with Wheeler's picture. Logan's file is very very thick. Wheeler's is almost empty. Wheeler is pacing restlessly. Logan is relaxed.]

Logan: Never go on before the commissioner? It's kind of like a departmental hearing, with a few more ribbons.

[Wheeler exhales and pokes at the table. Logan looks at her.]

Logan: Wheeler. Don't tell me you've never had a departmental hearing.

[Wheeler smiles weakly at Logan. The door opens.]

[Logan looks up and finds a suspect perched in a tree.]

Logan: Don't make me climb that tree.

Wheeler: If he was seeing someone, the nearest donut theory says she lived near the firehouse.

Logan: The what?

Wheeler: Men are lazy. Even if there's a good meal across town, they'll usually just reach for the nearest donut.

Capt. Ross: "Gay rage." Old-school police term. We don't use it and I don't want to hear it from either of you, but back in the day, that's what everyone called it. "The strength of a man with the hysteria of a woman."

[Logan grins. Ross almost does. Wheeler looks at them.]

Capt. Ross: Apologies.

Wheeler: [Reads off the computer] Murdered '94, case cleared two years ago.

Logan: They get a verdict?

Wheeler: No, it's an exceptional clearance. Convict pled out, died last year.

[Ross and Logan look at each other. Wheeler looks between them.]

Wheeler: What?

Capt. Ross: Logan, why don't you be his ... old-school buddy.

Logan: Oh yeah, I'm all over this.

Capt. Ross: And Wheeler, play young.

Bedfellows [6.05] [G/E]

Capt. Ross: How does a man of Dr. Copeland's stature end up being married to a future guest of Jerry Springer?

Masquerade [6.06] [G/E]

[A man confesses to murdering a young beauty queen, but his story doesn't add up. The investigation into how the confessor received confidential details of the crime could lead detectoves to the real killer]

Fife: Where's Bobby? He believes me.

Eames: He does, I don't. You ask me, you made the whole thing up.

Fife: That's crazy!

Eames: You said it.

Jamie Royce: [referring to his late mother] She was a bit of a self-medicator.

Goren: I know the type.

Country Crossover [6.07] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler investigate the murder of a record producer]

Logan: Looks like they took stuff off the wall just to smash it. 'Give me all your money or I'll bust up your Grammy.'

Wheeler: You'd think they'd take the $4000 microphone.

[Logan looks at her.]

Wheeler: I dated a recording engineer.

Logan: At least he wasn't a drummer.

Logan: Oh, look. Cocaine. In a recording studio. I'm shocked. Shocked.

Logan: You telling me someone killed him with two punches?

Dr. Rodgers: Exsanguination.

Logan: I love it when you talk Latin, Rodgers.

Wheeler: You're a glass half empty kind of guy, aren't you?

Logan: Depends what's in it, Wheeler.

Flaherty: Logan. How come I never see you with the same partner twice?

Logan: Flaherty and I go way back. To one of the first murders in one of his many bars. Been so many, he probably can't keep track.

Flaherty: We're unlucky.

Logan: Kennedys are unlucky.

Flaherty: He tell you about the cop he shot?

[Discussing a bouncer named Goro.]

Wheeler: He didn't make an explicit threat we can hold him on.

Logan: You heard him, Wheeler. 'Curtis's death shall be avenged.' You don't call that a threat?

Capt. Ross: Could be, or could be the plot of one of the Mortal Kombat video games he got his name from.

Capt. Ross: Detective, what do you want me to do? Have the DA hold him on suspicion of being a large, scary black man?

Wheeler: You think all white guys who chew tobacco are buddies?

Logan: In Chelsea? Yeah.

[Discussing a victim whose illness contributed to his death, and whether his mistress knew his weakness.]

Kent: What did the ME say?

Wheeler: Any blow to the spleen would do it.

Kant: He was that sick? And she didn't know about it?

Logan: She knew it. Curtis told her. Guys use whatever they have to get over. They have a tragic story, a sickness -- even if they have a dead cat, they'll work it into their rap.

Wheeler: Heartwarming.

[Logan shrugs.]

The War at Home [6.08] [G/E]

[Major Case is brought in when the daughter of the first deputy commissioner of the NYPD goes missing, while the Thanksgiving holiday and a family crisis plays havoc with the detectives.]

Capt. Ross: [Giving a toast at a family dinner] I know some of you have two Thanksgiving dinners today, so I want to thank everyone for being here. My children, the mother of my children... [Glances sourly at ex-wife's boyfriend] ...Todd.

[Mrs. Goren is being wheeled on a gurney down a hospital hallway while Goren attempts to talk about the case on his cell.]

Mrs. Goren: Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. I don't trust these people.

Goren: No, no, look. You've got the head radiation technician coming in to-- she'll give you the test you need--

Mrs. Goren: [interrupting] Oh, please. Head technician? Do you really think they're going to bring in the head person? On, on, on Thanksgiving Day? No. No no. They'd never. They'll get some lackey they can push around.

Goren: So. Ashton. The women soldiers in Iraq. Treated as equals?

Ashton: Truth is, sir, in Iraq the guys put the female soldiers into two categories. Sluts if they slept around, and bitches if they didn't.

Goren: Amanda. Which category did you put her in?

Ashton: I say this with respect, sir. Amanda was a bitch.

Carlos: Back home in our civvies? I wouldn't tolerate an affair. But when Amanda's in uniform, she's a soldier first.

Eames: And soldiers have sex with each other.

Carlos: It has nothing to do with the real world.

Eames: Elaine said Carlo was old world, but he's ahead of my time.

Capt. Ross: He gets the culture Amanda's part of. Would she leave a guy like that at the altar?

Eames: My husband Joe, he was a cop. He gave me a taser gun once for our anniversary. Sometimes you want to be more than your job.

Capt. Ross: I take it Joe is an ex.

Eames: He died. 8 years ago.

Capt. Ross: Sorry.

Commissioner: What do you know about my daughter? What about what kind of father I am?

Goren: As little as you know about who I am.

[After Goren has a public tantrum in the squad room.]

Eames: What the hell was that, Bobby? You want to throw it all away? Just-- I know--

Goren: Back off.

[Goren steps into the elevator and leaves.]

[Goren trails Eames out of the Captain's office.]

Goren: It's hard to get a confession if he's capable of guilt. Maybe we should tell him he has nothing to feel guilty about?

Eames: [coldly] You do that. [She leaves him standing by his desk.]

Capt. Ross: [As Goren leaves the interview room] Good job, detectives. You can give me your paperwork--

Goren: [leaving] You can save it, alright? I'm leaving. You want to fire me, fire me. [He tosses his notebook on his desk on the way out the door.] I don't care.

Blasters [6.09] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler discover that the recent murder of a former child star has links to an Albanian mob]

Flamur: You're not in blood with him.

Wheeler: In blood? Like a vendetta?

Flemur: Older, from the 15th century Code of Lek.

Logan: Not up on that, Wheeler? Goren would've known.

Logan: So how does a girl like you end up with a Willie or a Skater?

Mira: Not pretty enough for TV stars.

Logan: Sure you are. One of those guys didn't even have a shower.

Mira: Skater. He went to my place to shower. Sometimes we would shower 3, 4 times a day.

Logan: [grins] That's a lot of showering.

Mira: [seductively] I like to shower.

Weeping Willow [6.10] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler investigate a kidnapping that was depicted online]

Capt. Ross: It's cyber-Rashomon. Reggie says Holden shot Todd, Holden says Reggie did it and Willow doesn't even believe anyone's dead.

Logan: Please don't tell anyone about this for now.

Professor: Don't worry. He doesn't deserve the publicity.

World's Fair [6.11] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler investigate the death of a pregnant Pakistani woman, as well as the man she was secretly dating and their disapproving relatives]

[Wheeler tells Rudy that Mina was going to have an abortion]

Rudy: That's a lie! We loved each other.

Wheeler: She may have loved you, Rudy, but she wasn't ready to be barefoot, pregnant and in your basement.

Wheeler: What does your hooker intuition say?

Logan: "Hooker intuition"? I didn't even know they're using BlackBerrys.

Privilege [6.12] [G/E]

[Goren and Eames investigate the murder of a female reporter and suspect that her death is connected to her wealthy family]

Eames: I love it when men say they babysit. When it's your own kids, it's not babysitting, it's called being a dad.

Capt. Ross: His father had allergies, so you think Ernest Foley may be good for a double family murder 18 years apart?

Goren: Yeah, that's one-one one theory - has anybody ever told you you're reductive?

Capt. Ross: My ex-wife.

Albatross [6.13] [G/E]

[A sniper shoots a judge during a historical reenactment of the Hamilton/Burr duel in front of Captain Ross, leading Goren and Eames to investigate one of her personal heroes.]

Mr. Pagolis: It's history, right? Can't fake it.

Eames: Woman politician taking the fall for her corrupt husband. You never see it going the other way.

Goren: Like my mother would say, if she stays in it, she's getting something out of it.

[Upon learning that Pagolis and the judge traded costumes before the fatal duel]

Eames: Best shot of the killer's life, and he hit the wrong guy.

Mrs. Pagolis: He told us you were stalking him.

Goren: We're detectives. We don't stalk.

Journalist: NYPD, wake up. If this man isn't guilty, then Macy's doesn't sell pantyhose.

[Goren goes through the reading material of a man they've just found dead.]

Goren: He likes mysteries.

Eames: Now he gets to be in one.

Mr. Pagolis: If I'm the perp, I want the perp walk.

Mr. Pagolis: Killing is not my thing.

Eames: What is your thing, Mr. Pagolis?

Mr. Pagolis: French food, Nordic women, German cars...

[At a bar, talking about their partnership.]

Goren: Are we good?

Eames: I hope so.

Flipped [6.14] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler are assigned to a case involving the murder of a rap artist, but they believe that an undercover cop working for a hip-hop task force may be sabotaging their investigation]

Pinkston: I didn't give you a name.

Wheeler: And we didn't push Bobby Boyd off that roof but... you know how rumors spread.

Capt. Ross: What are we supposed to do, not investigate because it's against the gangsta's code?

Logan: So that's it, Fulla T lost his life over 'Who's the Man?'

Brother's Keeper [6.15] [G/E]

[Goren and Eames investigate the death of a televangelist's wife. Meanwhile, Goren's long-lost brother reappears.]

[In Mrs. Goren's hospital room, watching the news broadcast of the televangelist's wife's death.]

Mrs. Goren: You know, he wants a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Sure like to see what goes on in that bedroom. Why're you defending him?

Goren: I'm not defending him.

Mrs. Goren: They're charlatans, these people. He's supposed to be a believer. In which case he's supposed to believe that God had a reason for her death, right? So why's he crying?

Mrs. Goren: [To Goren] If your brother were here, I wouldn't have gone through all of this. He would've taken care of me.

Eames: I checked her PDA. Found his cell number. When you call it, Diego directs you to a web site because, as he says, "seeing is believing."

[She clicks on a web site. Goren and Ross peer over her shoulder at a web site featuring half-naked photos of a man.]

Capt. Ross: You're kidding. "Rent this hunk. Diego. By the hour or by the night. Muscular, tanned, relentless--"

Goren: [watching Ross with interest] We can all read, Captain.

Lawyer: Mr. Diego's website is purely in the realm of personal fantasy. No services are exchanged for--

Goren: My partner was in vice for 5 years.

Eames: Chelsea for 2 of those years. You're not my first rent boy, Diego.

Diego: But he likes crystal meth, especially booty bumps.

Eames: Booty bumps.

Diego: That's when y--

Eames: [hastily] I know what they are.

Eames: I miss vice. People doing stuff for money... guys like this, I get them.

Reverend Riggins: [glances away from pouring water] The guest list? [His glass overflows.]

Goren: Reverend, your cup runneth over.

[Confronting Riggins with a photograph of his secret gay lover, and after the Reverend has denied knowledge of him.]

Reverend Riggins: Did you say his name?

Goren: Diego. We have other photos.

Reverend Riggins: You know, there is a Diego that's a professional massage therapist, but, uh, it's so dark in those rooms that I can't--

Goren: [impatiently] Do you have a massage therapist? Is he your massage therapist?

Reverend: I ... can't say for sure. I'm, uh, really sorry, detective, that I can't be more helpful, but, uh--

Eames: Actually, it's always helpful when we know someone is lying to us. There seem to be phone calls from your cell to his.

Reverend Riggins: [looking at picture again] Actually, this-- you know what? This is Diego. Yeah. Hah. Funny. Uh, the back pain I get is so crippling that I can't even think. I just lay there and I close my eyes--

Goren: [looking bored] --and wait for that booty bump....

[Eames leaves Goren and Riggins and enters the secretary's office.]

Secretary: How is he?

Eames: He seems almost ... stricken.

Reverend Riggins: Well, of course I have enemies.

Goren: What kind of enemies?

Reverend Riggins: Demons.

Goren: Your demons. Are they inside? Or are they outside?

Frank: [gesturing to Eames, in the SUV] That woman. Is that your wife?

Goren: [shaking his head] That's-- that's my partner.

Frank: So what're you waiting for?

Goren: Not that kind of partner.

Dr. Corliss: Must be frustrating, to try to conduct an investigation within a group that's entirely invested in irrationality.

Goren: Oh, well. Homicides are often irrational as well.

[Goren and Eames search through the Reverend's bookshelves and drawers.]

Goren: [pulling books off the shelf] G.K. Chesterton. C.S. Lewis....

Eames: ...and Ripped Boys magazine. Which one of these things is not like the others?

30 [6.16] [L/W]

[A friend of Logan's is poisoned, and works with him to find the culprits before he dies]

Lemle: [to Logan] I wanna report a murder - my own.

[Logan and Wheeler are about to arrest Lemle's source]

Lemle: This is so unethical.

Logan: Unethical? Josh, the guy killed a busboy after paying him 2 grand to spike your sour cream.

Capt. Ross: We've been ordered off.

Logan: By who? The Feds, or Israel? On this one, are you a Jew first and a cop second? Is that the story?

Capt. Ross: [angry but controlled] We're done here, Logan. There are good guys and there are bad guys here. We're dealing with car bombs, terrorists. Hamas, PLO - they blow people up, in shopping malls, cafes, buses.

Logan: Come on! You really think Sarah Mier is the first innocent the Israelis have killed?

Wheeler: [placating] Captain. Logan.

Capt. Ross: Thank you for your help, detectives. We're off this case.

Players [6.17] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler investigate the murder of a judge's son, found shot to death, shortly after a notorious rap artist is sentenced in court]

Wilcox: I don't like where this is going.

Grady: What, that scared you, bro? Oh come on, homeboy. I thought you were the real deal. I'm starting to think you're about as street as Jessica Simpson.

Wilcox: Oh yeah, what does that make you?

Grady: I'm true to the game, bro.

Wilcox: Easy to say if your dad used to work for the Justice Department.

Grady: Be easy Jack. I got ya back.

Wilcox: [sarcastically] Yeah.

Logan: Do yourself a favor, Seamus, don't tell Twitch we're looking for him.

Seamus: You have my word.

Logan: Somehow that doesn't comfort me.

Silencer [6.18] [G/E]

[Members of the radical deaf community are suspects in the murder of a doctor who provides cochlear implants]

Strauss' Lawyer: My client is not a killer, but he does suffer from painkiller addiction, which has only gotten worse due to the stress of the trial. He is going into rehab.

Eames: So is everyone else.

Larry: [through an interpreter] Get me a deaf cop.

Eames: A deaf cop?

Larry: Get me a jury of my peers. Get me a deaf judge. Then I'll participate. Until then, there is no justice for me.

Rocket Man [6.19] [G/E]

[The murder of an astronaut leads to an investigation of the complex life of those in the space program]

[Ross and the detectives are watching a tape of Nelson and Delgado in space]

Delgado: This is why I never wear makeup in space, not even an earring.

Nelson: I think she looks just fine, don't you, Houston?

Capt. Ross: Let me guess, this is where her heart rate went up.

Capt. Ross: At the very least, she's a hyper-competitive Type A personality under enormous pressure.

Goren: So am I. So are you.

Edie: As long as there are wives and mothers on that jury, I'll be okay. They'll understand I was just trying to protect what's mine.

Bombshell [6.20] [L/W]

[The overdose deaths of a stripper-turned-celebrity's son turn into a homicide investigation that involves her boy's paternity]

Simmons: [about the Holland sisters' lawsuit] Lorelai wins, she gets 90%. 900 million. The sisters will just have to get by on 100 million.

Logan: Life is tough.

Wheeler: James Edward Holland fathered a baby 10 years after his death.

Capt. Ross: The rich really are different.

Endgame [6.21] [G/E]

[While questioning a serial killer on death row, Goren discovers that the condemned man may have a connection to his dying mother]

Goren: As serial killers go, this Mark Ford Brady is definitely within the hashmarks.

Capt. Ross: Right down to having three names.

Capt. Ross: [about Brady] He's toying with you. Now, you're personally invested. He's got you exactly where he can control you.

Goren: No, he's not in control of me. I can handle him.

Capt. Ross: No. You don't need this in your life right now.

Goren: You don't know what I need. And don't tell me who I am. You don't know who I am. And don't tell me how I think.

[pause]

Capt. Ross: Then I'll just tell you this: You're off this case.

Brady: [to Goren] Go on, go ahead and kill me! You have it in you!

Mrs. Goren: Your father was always away, a lot. A lot. When Mark was on leave, I would ask him to put up some windows in the apartment, and your father... got the point.

Goren: Do you remember when he visited?

Mrs. Goren: Oh, for God's sake!

Goren: What about the year before I was born?

Mrs. Goren: I don't see why this is so important!

Goren: Because I need to know!

Mrs. Goren: You do not!

[pause]

Goren: We'll talk about something else.

Mrs. Goren: [in tears] I just never knew for sure.

Goren: [horrified] Oh...!

Mrs. Goren: Bobby, I just could never know for sure...

Goren: [voice breaking] Mom, don't, just forget it.

Mrs. Goren: Bobby... I'm sorry.

Renewal [6.22] [L/W]

[Logan and Wheeler investigate the murder of a police recruit whose decomposed body is found in the trunk of a car.]

Logan: I used to dream about Lennie, he was my old partner. And in the dream, he'd always say to me, 'I'm not dead, Mike. I'm not dead'. Then I'd wake up, and he'd still be dead.

Holly: Maybe not, if you dreamed about him.

Capt. Ross: [about the victim, whom Logan briefly dated] How well did you know her?

Logan: We took a ride in an old convertible once.

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