Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Season 8

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Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001- 2011) is a criminal drama television series, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Major Case Squad, an elite group of detectives specializing in cases of political sensitivity or public attention.

Playing Dead [8.01] [G/E][edit]

[The detectives investigate the murder of a councilman's stepdaughter's boyfriend, and uncover an underworld of political corruption and pedophilia]

[Goren wants Stacey to help him catch her sexually abusive stepfather]
Stacey: I can't do it. I'm too ashamed.
Goren: No, no. The shame will be his, not yours.

Goren: Your mother hired Di Rogga to kill Rick Siebert.
Neil: And you expect me to believe that? I don't believe that!
Camille: Of course not. You think you just got lucky. One more time that everything just seemed to work out for you.

Rock Star [8.02] [N/W][edit]

[Wheeler and her new partner, detective Zach Nichols, investigate the death of an aspiring musician]

Nichols: You wanna make it, right? I mean, really, really make it.
Hank: Doesn't everyone?
Nichols: Well, exactly. How many people come to New York every week trying to be rock stars?
Hank: I dunno.
Nichols: Well, 100, easy. If they're poor enough, at the buses at Port Authority. You probably get nearly that many at that rat's nest where you live.
Hank: Okay...
Nichols: So, 100 a week. That's 5,000 a year. Another 5,000 go out to L.A. Another 5, stick around, you know, Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, working out there. That's 15,000 a year. That's conservative, it's probably more like 50.
Hank: What's your point?
Nichols: My point is, how many are going to to make it? 45,000 never get anywhere. They don't get a break, knock up some girl, take a job driving a bakery truck. Maybe 4,000 become professional musicians, playing the hotel lounge at the airport. The cream of the top, the top 1,000, get to be in a Zeppelin tribute band or 18th runner up on American Idol, but really make it, be a star? 10 people. 10 people yearly. Worldwide. 10 out of 50,000.
Hank: So there's 10.
Nichols: Will you be one of them?
Hank: Why not? I can play, I'm willing to work.
Nichols: Still gotta get those breaks.
Hank: Some people make their own breaks.
Nichols: People like you?
Hank: People willing to do whatever it takes.

Nichols: [listening to a suspect's band] Just listening to some Speckled Stallion. Man, did those guys suck.
Wheeler: You told Phillip they were great.
Nichols: No, I said they were something.
[pause]
Wheeler: It's the little things, isn't it?
Nichols: [smiles] Always.

Nichols: You actually think Sue's your girlfriend.
Phillip: She is my girlfriend.
Nichols: No. She isn't. You're the rent. Uh, little reality check: women actually like sleeping with guys about, oh, thirty years younger. But, deep down, way inside... you know that.
Phillip: No. That rule don't apply when you're famous.
Nichols: Famous. Oh. Right. You played the third longest set at Woodstock. Because you wouldn't get off the damn stage. Speckled Stallion always left its audience wanting less!
Phillip: I have a Grammy.
Nichols: Milli Vanilli has a Grammy. You're a has-been! Nobody remembers! Nobody cares. Viva Viagra!

Identity Crisis [8.03] [G/E][edit]

[Goren and Eames investigate the murder of a successful businessman's long-lost brother, who holds a secret about the manner of their biological mother's death]

Burris: You've got the wrong guy.
Eames: Your fingerprints will prove you wrong.
Burris: That's all they'll prove.

Goren: You found a solution in your mother's illness.
Burris: My mother was, uh... she was a schizophrenic. There's no solutions in that.

In Treatment [8.04] [N/W][edit]

[The murder of a Wall Street fraud leads Nichols and Wheeler to investigate his firm's activities and his controlling therapist]

Beuliss: That kid's a prick
Hatcher: I know.
Beuliss: We should hire him.

Capt. Ross: How'd things go with the shrink?
Wheeler: I'm pregnant.
Capt. Ross: That well, huh?

Faithfully [8.05] [G/E][edit]

[After a doctor is murdered in his home while his wife lies bound and helpless upstairs in their bedroom, it is revealed that the couple's reverend may know more about the crime]

Goren: Lace teddy, makeup...
Eames: And perfume. Either she was planning a matinee with the doctor or she was entertaining, as my mother might say.

Alison: We have to fight this together. We love each other. We've built something. Don't let them destroy it.
Dan: I want it destroyed. All of it. I'll start over.
Alison: Without me?
Dan: With God. If He'll forgive me.

Astoria Helen [8.06] [N/W][edit]

[Nichols and Wheeler try to find the mastermind of an armored truck heist]

Nichols: Witnesses to the armed truck robbery describe a white Econoline van, and three men, one of them in a red leather jacket.
Capt. Ross: Mr. Carlyle, who just got blown up. So, one's dead and we have to look for the other two. So, either they split the money...
Nichols: Or one of them has it, and he's looking to get rid of the third guy. Meaning whichever one didn't set the bomb is wondering if he's next.
Capt. Ross: [to Wheeler] See what I mean? He insists on finishing my sentences.

Nichols: [about Helen] Bet she always picks the wrong guy. Probably insufficiently praised as a child. Gives you attachment problems.
Wheeler: Were you insufficiently praised as a child?
Nichols: Me? No, they praised me all the time, which backfired, made me think too much of myself.
Wheeler: You over that?
Nichols: I'm working on it.

Folie à Deaux [8.07] [G/E][edit]

[Goren and Eames investigate a kidnapping, and uncover an intricate fraud]

Andre: I've read The Iliad in the original Attic Greek, detective. If you want to trip me up, you're gonna have to try a little harder than that.
Goren: [shrugs] It's actually Homeric Greek...

Emily: Do you have any idea what it's like to have everything taken away from you? My husband had a stroke at his desk 10 years ago. I'll be gone in a matter of months. What good did all his money do me?

The Glory That Was... [8.08] [N/W][edit]

[A former Olympian now working in the Belgian consulate is killed. Her death is soon linked to an aspiring Olympian, a blackmail DVD, and the owner of a private security firm]

Nichols: So Laura was arrested as a call girl... You know that 90% of all prostitutes were sexually abused as children?
Wheeler: What does that have to do with this?
Nichols: Nothing... yet.

Family Values [8.09] [G/E][edit]

[Goren and Eames track down an arch-conservative killer who targets people who offend his religious views]

[Paul is about to kill his daughter while in a religious frenzy]
Paul: I am giving you eternal life.
Kathy: [crying, horrified] You really... you really believe that?
Paul: I know it.

Paul: I've served evil.
Goren: Then break your servitude and put your God above all else.

Salomé in Manhattan [8.10] [N/W][edit]

[A celebrity chef and his business partner, a dangerous hip-hop mogul, and a volatile and mysterious teenager are all suspects in the strangling death of a young socialite]

Nichols: Nothing like a 5-hour German opera to make you really appreciate a murder scene.

Nichols: [absently] I'm going to, I'm going to-
Wheeler: Wander aimlessly?
Nichols: Keeps me from getting lost.

Lady's Man [8.11] [G/E][edit]

[Eames is being set up as the patsy in the murder of a man involved in a notorious murder case she investigated years ago.]

Goren: [looking at an attractive redhead in a suit] She looks a little intimidating. Does she intimidate you?
Mulrooney: It's the Versace. Beneath that is a scared little girl with fake breasts, a skinny bottom... a nothing.

Goren: [looking in Mulrooney's bedroom closet] Is this a closet? It's like two different people live here.

Goren: I think you screwed up, Kev. A little too much rouge, y'know, scent...
Eames: There's nothing worse than having your makeup not right. I bet you can't wait to look in a mirror.

Passion [8.12] [N/W][edit]

[The assistant/girlfriend to a struggling publisher of a poetry magazine is killed, and the investigation focuses on the magazine's wealthy donors]

Nichols: Mr. Dunbar, did you enjoy the poetry reading?
Dunbar: I was working late.
Shannon: Hmm. That means that the Knicks were on.
Nichols: It was a great game.
Dunbar: Poetry in motion. The best kind.

Dunbar: Thank God for pre-nups. She's taking out of this marriage what she brought in - a nice rack and a hundred bucks.

Beck: [about Garrety and Shannon Dunbar's relationship] "Rocky" doesn't do it justice. Is "bouldery" a word?

Wheeler: If my daughter ever tells me she wants to be a poet, I'm going to tell her to join the Mafia instead. Nicer people.

[Nichols has used an unfinished poem, ostensibly by the murder victim about Shannon, to make Shannon confess to the murders.]
Nichols: Nothing like a good love poem to, uh, get the emotions flowing.
Wheeler: So you're not gonna tell her you wrote it?
Nichols: That'd be cruel.

All In [8.13] [G/E][edit]

[A down-on-his-luck former poker champ, forced to now work as a bookie's collector, shoots and kills a man who owes money, but the gun was supposed to be filled with blanks]

Josh: The guy pissed himself!
Angela: You are intense, Josh.
Josh: I tell ya, Lou was right. Blanks really put the scare in people.
Angela: Lou shoots nothin' except blanks.

Goren: You've been talking to the DA.
Josh: Did I hurt your feelings? Don't be offended. I told my lawyer you'd be harder to play.
Goren: Well, if that's true, then what's the play?
Josh: [chuckles] You're good. I almost miss seeing you. But something's always in play. The game is endless.

Major Case [8.14] [N/E][edit]

[Nichols suspects that the esteemed head of the crime lab killed a teenage drug dealer and is planting evidence to frame another man]

Muller: It can be so darn easy to kill someone when you really know what you're doing.

Wheeler: Sorry!
Nichols: What for?
Wheeler: I'm late.
Nichols: That's understandable.
Wheeler: What's that supposed to mean? Being pregnant is not an excuse!
Nichols: [placating] You're right, it's not understandable.

Nichols: [looking at Grace's keepsake photo] Grace kept this on her pillow, like it was a dream - some place to get away from all this.
Eames: I heard you got away for a few years. You feeling some kind of kindred spirit?
Nichols: Nah, I try to avoid transferrential relationships with dead people - it's always so one-sided.

Alpha Dog [8.15] [G/E][edit]

[A popular model is killed, and Goren and Eames soon discover that he crossed paths with a violent and vindictive millionaire businessman]

Goren: [about the murder victim] He embraced good causes.
Eames: He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.

Dr. Rodgers: Once again, Detective Goren has an irritating way of being right.

Revolution [8.16] [N/E][edit]

[Nichols and Eames are after a German radical responsible for the death of a vilified Wall Street CEO]
[Nichols discovers a booby-trap for the police and has warned everyone away.]
Eames: [walking back to the car with Nichols] Did you just save all our lives?
Nichols: You can buy breakfast.

Capt. Ross: Is this someone you've been watching?
Martino: No, we have data-miners crawling through credit card transactions.
Eames: Whose credit card transactions?
Nichols: Uh, I think she means everybody's.
Martino: You didn't hear that from me.
Capt. Ross: Thank you, Dick Cheney...

Eames: [to Nichols, who is acting like Goren] You're starting to remind me of someone.
Capt. Ross: This one's taller.