The Real Ghostbusters

The Real Ghostbusters is a cartoon series based on the hit 1984 movie Ghostbusters which ran from 1986 until 1991 and was produced by Columbia Pictures Television and DiC Entertainment.

Created by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis.

They're here to save the world again! (taglines)

Season 1 (1986)

"Ghosts R Us" [1.01]

Peter Venkman: Don't fear... Dr. Venkman and his STAFF are here!

"Killerwatt" [1.02]

[Killerwatt possesses and transforms the Ecto-1]

Peter Venkman: All right, guys, blast it!

Ray Stantz: No, wait! We can't just blast her! That car is like... like one of the family!

Peter Venkman: Then she must take after you, Ray.

Ray Stantz: I think she's about to take after all of us. Run!

---

Killerwatt: Turn the power on!

Ray Stantz: Over our dead bodies!

Killerwatt: Dead bodies are my specialty!

"Mrs. Roger's Neighborhood" [1.03]

Peter Venkman: [looking over a haunted house] Talk about UGLY with a capital UGH!

---

Ray Stantz: Mrs. Roger's dress is WHAT?

Egon Spengler: No, Ray. Mrs. Rogers is WHAT.

"Slimer, Come Home" [1.03]

[Caught in Ghash's whirlwind]

Peter Venkman: Wait a minute - didn't I see this in The Wizard of Oz?

"Troll Bridge" [1.05]

Peter Venkman: Come back here, nice troll!

Egon Spengler: I gotta say this, Peter: you really should get into better shape!

Peter Venkman: And I gotta say this, Egon: I never liked you, or your family, or your dog!

---

Ray Stantz: Remember there could always be giant ants, like in Santa Clara in 1950!

"The Boogieman Cometh" [1.06]

Egon Spengler: We've gotta go after it.

Winston Zeddemore: No, we don't. Show me where it says that.

---

Ray Stantz: I want a glass of water.

Peter Venkman: [gives him glass] Here. Now get to sleep.

Ray Stantz: [drinks; Peter nearly closes the door] Oh, Peter.

Peter Venkman: What?

Ray Stantz: Tell me a story.

[Peter growls]

Winston Zeddemore: He's just getting into the role.

Peter Venkman: He's gonna be in a body cast if he keeps this up. [opens door; to Ray] Once upon a time, there were four Ghostbusters who had a job to do but they couldn't do it because one of 'em couldn't go to sleep! The end! [slams door]

---

[the Boogieman is advancing on the unarmed Ghostbusters]

Egon Spengler: I'll hold him off!

Peter Venkman: Yeah? You and what Starfleet?

"Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream" [1.07]

Egon Spengler: [waking from a dream] It's E=MC². Listen to me. It's E=MC... [the street crowd watches Egon for a few moments before going on with their own business] Never mind, just never mind... it would take far too long to explain anyway.

---

Peter Venkman: No way! I'm not going anywhere until I've had my breakfast.

---

Egon Spengler: [translating Peter's grunts after he has just woken up] Sounded like "coffee". Possibly "cookie". [Peter grunts again]

Ray Stantz: Translation, Egon?

Egon Spengler: Get out of my face or eat flaming terror.

When Halloween Was Forever [1.08]

Ray Stantz: Only one chance. I just hope we've bought Egon enough time. SLIMER! PIZZA!

"Look Homeward, Ray" [1.09]

Egon Spengler: I have a plan.

Peter Venkman: No electric shock, Egon.

Egon Spengler: ...I have another plan.

"Take Two" [1.10]

Man: I'd like to welcome you to the studio.

Ray Stantz: Wow! This is really fantastic! It looks just like the real thing!

Man: That's why we wanted you here to advise us, make sure we're doing it right. After all, this is your life story.

Peter Venkman: No problem. As long as you got the right people to play us. Admit it, Redford was dying to play me, right?

Man: Not exactly. Here's the cast list.

Winston Zeddemore: Murray, Aykroyd and Ramis? What's that, a law firm?

---

Janine Melnitz: [said in 5 seconds] Ghostbusters. No, they're not here. That's right. They all went to California to make a movie and I can't come with them so I can answer your crummy call.

---

Peter Venkman: [about Bill Murray] He doesn't look a thing like me.

"Citizen Ghost" [1.11]

Egon Spengler: Transtator?

Peter Venkman: Check.

Egon Spengler: Field Generator?

Peter Venkman: Check.

Egon Spengler: Ionization Decaymeter?

Peter Venkman: Check.

Egon Spengler: Plasmatic Refractor? Anti Ecto Plasm Destruct Mechanism? Bypolar Adjuster?

Peter Venkman: Check, check and [yawns] check.

Egon Spengler: Transwarp Drive?

Peter Venkman: Check.

Egon Spengler: Ah-ha! Caught you. We don't have a Transwarp Drive.

Peter Venkman: If we don't have one, then it can't malfunction. If it's not malfunctioning, then nothing's wrong. And if nothing's wrong, then it checks, right?

Egon Spengler: I'm not going to talk to you again for at least a week. It's not good for me.

Peter Venkman: Hey, don't make fun. This is how I got through college.

---

Winston Zeddemore: Man, this job was a lot easier when these things didn't shoot back!

"Janine's Genie" [1.12]

Winston Zeddemore: Relax, folks, we're just browsing.

Ray Stantz: Yeah, anybody seen a ghost?

Passengers: Ghost!?

Peter Venkman: Silver tongue strikes again.

"Xmas Marks The Spot" [1.13]

Ray Stantz: We just killed Christmas.

Syndication (1987)

"Knock, Knock" [S.01]

Peter Venkman: [backing away from a pink-haired, skull-faced ghost] Say, now when was the last time you saw your dentist, hmm?

---

Peter Venkman: [after narrowly saving the world] That was great. Can we do it again?

Doomsday door: Do Not Open Until Doomsday!

Peter Venkman: It was just an idea.

---

Egon Spengler: It's Sumerian.

Winston Zeddemore: Can you read Sumerian?

Egon Spengler: In my sleep. Underwater with the lights off. Of course I can read Sumerian.

"Station Identification" [S.02]

Peter Venkman: Just what do you expect to find at the end of the cord, Egon?

Egon Spengler: My first guess would be a terminus of such unimaginable densely packed evil energy that it could fry a psychic researcher without blinking.

Peter Venkman: What's your second guess?

"Play Them Ragtime Boos" [S.03]

Janine Melnitz: That's mine!

"Adventures in Slime and Space" [S.07]

Peter Venkman: I prefer my own method of communication. [adopts Scottish accent] Aye aye, Cap'n. Settin' the phasers to stun! [whips out his proton thrower and aims it at Slimer]

---

Ray Stantz: Hey, he was only kidding!

Peter Venkman: No I wasn't.

---

Egon Spengler: Oh no. This is worse than I thought.

Peter Venkman: What? we're finally gonna be rid of Slimer. What could be worse than that?

Egon Spengler: We're not going to be rid of Slimer. We're going to be inundated with hundreds of thousands of millions of Slimers.

Peter Venkman: I'm sorry I asked.

---

Peter Venkman: Egon, remember what I said? If you're gonna stay on this planet, you have to speak our language.

---

Peter Venkman: This is not fun! I've had fun, this isn't it!! [screams after slipping on some slime]

"Night Game" [S.08]

[the Ghostbusters are watching a baseball game between good and evil spirits]

Peter Venkman: But I just want to point out, seeing as you're new to this game and all, that Evil just cheated.

Ray Stantz: Full tilt, flat out, no doubt about it!

Egon Spengler: Doesn't that call for a forfeiture of the game?

Umpire: You mean declare Evil the losers for cheating?

Peter Venkman: That about sums it up, yeah.

Umpire: But Evil cheats. That's its nature. It does whatever unscrupulous or immoral thing it has to in order to win. That's why we call them Evil. Only Good is not allowed to cheat. If Good adopts the ways of Evil, then it becomes Evil. So if Good cheats, Evil automatically wins. Got it? PLAY BALL!

Ray Stantz: I wonder if Good is allowed to steal bases.

Peter Venkman: Maybe Good just borrows 'em, Ray.

Who're You Calling Two-Dimensional? [S.12]

Egon Spengler: Peter, do you know how to set your proton pack on explosive overload?

Peter Venkman: No.

Egon Spengler: I do.

Ray Stantz: Dopey Dog Dopey Dog flying through the air, Dopey Dog Dopey Dog flying everywhere, come on boy we need you don't let us down, "Dopey Dog Dopey Dog we need you!

"A Fright at the Opera" [S.13]

[Egon takes Peter to the opera]

Peter Venkman: The Met? I thought you said the Mets.

"Chicken, He Clucked" [S.18]

Morganon: So we made a deal, and I gave him the power to make anything vanish, and he used it on... chickens! I could've given him wealth, power, fame! But he wastes it! Wastes ME on chickens! CHICKENS! (catches Ray making the crazy gesture about him) I need you, but don't push it.

Peter: What I can't figure is what do you need us for? I mean, you've fulfilled your half of the deal, why the concern?

Fat demon: (appears at the door) Hey Morganon! Seen any chickens lately? Eh hahahahaha! Oh! Hey! The boss was looking for someone to handle a new deal, but he couldn't use you! The King of Rowdania doesn't have feathers! But I just want to say... Ah hahahahahaha! (leaves)

Morganon: Does that answer your question? For a demon of my status to strike a bargain over... chickens... is embarrassing. It's ruining my reputation!

Ray: How did they find out?

Morganon: (glares at his imprisoned imp) I have a pretty good idea.

"Ragnarok and Roll" [S.19]

[a PKE meter explodes after scanning a letter]

Ray Stantz: Do you know what kind of power he must have been in contact with for a single sheet of exposed paper to do that?

Winston Zeddemore: Uhhh... do I want to?

Ray Stantz: Only if you want nightmares for the rest of your life!

Winston Zeddemore: I'll pass.

---

Ray Stantz: That thing hurt Ecto-1!

Peter Venkman: The world's being destroyed and he worries about Ecto-1. We should really speak to him later about his priorities.

Winston Zeddemore: If there is a later.

Peter Venkman: Y'know, you're really no fun anymore.

---

Peter Venkman: You've got an idea don't you, you kidder you. A way we can take this guy out. C'mon, fill us in.

Egon Spengler: There's only one way. We'll have to set our proton packs on simultaneous overload.

Ray Stantz: Oh great, Egon. We do that and it'll take Jeremy out all right. And the building. There'll be a blast crater half a mile wide!

Winston Zeddmore: And since we'll have to keep hold of 'em until they blow, to make sure they aren't turned off…oh man.

Egon Spengler: We take out everything within a quarter mile, ourselves with it, and hope it's enough to destroy him too before he can destroy the rest of the world.

Peter Venkman: It's a great plan! Count me in.

"Don't Forget the Motor City" [S.20]

[the Ghostbusters watch as the gremlins try to damage the car built as a lure, their efforts frustrated when it changes before they can even scratch it]

Winston Zeddemore: I don't believe it, the thing just keeps getting uglier!

Egon Spengler: Nobody said that science was pretty, Winston.

"Hanging By A Thread" [S.23]

Peter Venkman: People are always suggesting that I should come here

"The Collect Call of Cathulhu" [S.28]

Note: The name of Cthulhu is deliberately misspelled in the title, perhaps to avoid copyright problems.

Ray Stantz: Hey, listen to this. "From Monday to Friday, the New York Public Library presents... the Necronomicon"!

Winston Zeddemore: I didn't know the library did rock concerts.

Egon Spengler: It's not a rock group, Winston - it's the single most powerful book of magic spells ever written.

Ray Stantz: H. P. Lovecraft and others wrote a whole series of horror stories based on it. Come on, we gotta see it! I'll bet the copyright page alone has a PKE valence of 9.9!

---

Egon Spengler: The Necronomicon's spells are like sonic keys that can open portals to other dimensions, where the Great Old Ones wait to take over the Earth.

Peter Venkman: Yeah? Give me an example.

Egon Spengler: Cathulhu.

Peter Venkman: Gesundheit.

Winston Zeddemore: Cathulhu...I've heard of him. He's bad, right?

Egon Spengler: He makes Gozer look like Little Mary Sunshine.

---

Peter Venkman: Anything that looks like Godzilla wearing an octopus hat shouldn't be hard to find.

---

Peter Venkman: Hey squid-face! I'm gonna make calamari outta you!

---

Alice Derleth: I'll take the'Necronomicon back to the Miskatonic University with me, where it can't be used for evil.

Egon Spengler: You think Cathulhu was destroyed, Professor Derleth?

Alice Derleth: Even if he wasn't, the stars are no longer right for him to awaken. The world is safe again, for a time.

"Bustman's Holiday" [S.29]

Scotsman: Excuse me, but would ye be Mister Raymond Stantz?

Egon Spengler: No. Not by choice.

"The Thing in Mrs. Faversham's Attic" [S.31]

Peter Venkman: [having a conversation with himself] 'So, Peter, did you have a nice day?' Oh, yeah. I argued with a hat and coat rack. 'Oh, really?' Yeah.

---

Peter Venkman: Seven years of college and I can never remember if it's positive to negative or positive to positive.

---

Egon Spengler: Maybe the noise was physical in origin. Squirrels on the roof, perhaps.

[a huge pounding sound starts to shake the whole house]

Peter Venkman: Squirrels, Egon?

Egon Spengler: Okay, fat squirrels, playing basketball. Satisfied?

---

Peter Venkman: How come whenever we go into these situations, we never find anything cute? It's always big and mean with lots of teeth.

Ray Stantz: I agree. We're definitely falling into a rut.

---

Ghost: Your time has ended.

Egon Spengler: Not mine. Yours. Smile for the birdie.

Janine Melnitz, Ghostbuster [S.35]

Peter Venkman: This is almost as much fun as catching bowling balls with my teeth.

Janine Melnitz: Hey, what're you guys doing in that mirror? Is Lewis Carroll in there with you?

The Scaring of the Green" [S.40]

Egon Spengler: You know, we're all descendants from fish. It would be no trouble at all to flip back in time, find the fish you descended from, and stuff it into a Cuisinart.

"Last Train to Oblivion" [S.42]

Peter Venkman: I've always loved trains, ever since I was a little boy. I used to dream about driving a big locomotive. I studied engineering in college for two years before I found out it didn't have anything to do with trains.

"Ghost Fight at the O.K. Corral" [S.47]

Peter Venkman: What happens if we cross the streams?

Egon Spengler: All of our molecules go on separate vacations.

---

All the ghosts: Aces and Eights. Dead man's hand.

Virgil Earp ghost: What have you got, stranger?

Peter Venkman: Uh, four aces?

Ghost 1: That's a lot of aces.

Ghost 2: You know what this means?

Peter Venkman: We're using a canasta deck?

Ghost 2: Someone at this table is a cheat.

Peter Venkman: [dives out the doors] Good thing I didn't show them that fifth ace.

---

Ghost 2: Dance.

Peter Venkman: Only if I can lead.

"Ghostbuster of the Year" [S.48]

Ray Stantz: Anybody having any luck?

Peter Venkman: That depends. You mean, like, good luck?

---

Peter Venkman: We've got you surrounded pal, next time leave the driving to us.

"The Cabinet of Calamari" [S.50]

Egon Spengler: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.

Winston Zeddemore: She's from California?

Egon Spengler: No. She's been hypnotized.

"The Revenge of Murray the Mantis" [S.52]

[After Egon rates Murray the Mantis's power]

Janine Melnitz: What does that mean?

Peter Venkman: It means that if Darth Vader were willing to loan us the Death Star, we might have a chance... might.

Winston Zeddemore: Then you know what that means... the big guy.

Peter/Ray/Egon: "The big guy"?!

Janine Melnitz: Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...

---

Winston Zeddemore: Is it over?

Peter Venkman: No, I think I'm still alive.

"The Devil to Pay" [S.58]

Winston Zeddemore: I have sold my soul to the devil. I have sold my soul to the devil. I have sold my soul to the devil.

Ray Stantz: Actually, Winston, Dib is a minor demon, not the devil per se.

Winston Zeddemore: I have sold my soul to a minor demon. I have sold my soul to a minor demon.

---

[the Devil Asks for a secret that they all have]

Egon Spengler: One time I got an A− and my parents wouldn't talk to me for a week.

Winston Zeddemore: I used twenty dollars of petty cash on a present for my girlfriend.

Ray Stantz: Okay, Slimer ate half a cookie and got slime all over the other half but on accident without thinking I ate it.

Crowd: Eww!

Victor the Happy Ghost" [S.62]

[the Ghostbusters respond to a false alarm]

Peter Venkman: We should have charged her for the call.

Winston Zeddemore: Come on, Peter. She was someone's grandmother.

Peter Venkman: As long as she wasn't mine.

Egon's Dragon" [S.63]

Egon Spengler: Do you talk about the loons and the scoundrels in your family tree?

Peter Venkman: If I didn't, I wouldn't have anybody to talk about.

"The Hole in the Wall Gang" [S.65]

Charles Von Limberger: [after the accidental destruction of his home to stop a large ghost] That does it! I'm tired of hiring cheap labor! Next time, let's call the real Ghostbusters.

Madam Von Limberger: But... I thought those were the real Ghostbusters!

---

Ray Stantz: [falsetto voice] I think I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree.

Peter Venkman: Ray's fine now.

Season 2 (1987)

"Transylvanian Homesick Blues" [2.12]

Peter Venkman: It's times like this that I wish I'd listened to what my dad used to tell me.

Winston Zeddemore: Yeah? What was that?

Peter Venkman: I don't know. I never listened.

Season 4 (1989)

"Partners in Slime" [4.05]

Peter Venkman: Rub-a-dub-dub you big, slimey tub! I got an offer you can't refuse!

Season 5 (1990)

"Ghostworld" [5.03]

Ghost: But you are my servants.

Peter Venkman: Sorry big fella. It's servant's night off.

"The Haunting of Heck House" [5.04]

Peter Venkman: I've come here to chew bubblegum and kick ecto-plasm, and I'm all out of bubblegum!

• This quote is a play on the famous Nada quote from They Live.

Taglines

• They're here to save the world again!
• We're Back!

Voice cast

Peter Venkman	— Lorenzo Music	(seasons 1–2)	/  Dave Coulier	(seasons 3–7)
Egon Spengler	— Maurice LaMarche
Ray Stantz	— Frank Welker
Slimer	— Frank Welker
Winston Zeddemore (sometimes spelled Zeddmore)	— Arsenio Hall	(seasons 1–3)	/  Buster Jones	(seasons 4–7)
Janine Melnitz	— Laura Summer	(seasons 1–2)	/  Kath Soucie	(seasons 3–7)
Louis Tully	— Rodger Bumpass	(seasons 5–6)
Chilly Cooper	— Cree Summer	(seasons 3–6)
Elizabeth	— Tara Strong	(seasons 4–7)

External links

Encyclopedic article on The Real Ghostbusters on Wikipedia

• The Real Ghostbusters quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• Slimer!  And the Real Ghostbusters quotes at the Internet Movie Database