Batman: Under the Red Hood
From Wikiquote
Batman: Under the Red Hood is a 2010 animated film featuring the DC Comics character Batman. It stars Bruce Greenwood, Jensen Ackles, Neil Patrick Harris and John DiMaggio.
[edit] The Joker
- [In the midst of beating Robin to death] Wow. That looks like it really hurt. Whoa, now, hang on. That looked like it hurt a lot more. So, let's try and clear this up, okay, pumpkin? What hurts more? A? Or B? Forehand? Or backhand? [Joker laughs. Robin then mumbles something.] A little louder, lamb chop. I think you may have a collapsed lung. That always impedes the oratory. [Robin spits in his face] Now, that was rude! The first boy blunder had some manners. I suppose I'm going to have to teach you a lesson so you can better follow in his footsteps. [pause] Nah, I'm just gonna keep beating you with this crowbar. [Joker laughs as he continues beating Robin]
- [after finishing beating Robin] Okay, kiddo, I gotta go. It's been fun, though, right? [silence from Robin] Well, maybe a smidge more fun for me than you. I'm just guessing since you're being awful quiet. Anyway, be a good boy, finish your homework, and be in bed by nine. And, hey — please tell the big man I said "hello". [laughs hysterically]
[edit] Dialogue
- [The Red Hood has just crashed a meeting between Gotham City's top drug dealers]
- Leon: You wanna die? There's easier ways to kill yourself.
- Red Hood: Yeah, like yelling at the guy who's holding the AK-47.
- Bobo: Okay, crazy man, this is all very generous. But why in the hell should we listen to you?
- [Red Hood drops a duffel bag of human heads]
- Tyler: Damn.
- Red Hood: Those are the heads of all of your lieutenants. That took me two hours. You wanna see what I get done in a whole evening? Make no mistake. I'm not asking you to cut in with me. I'm telling you. (fires machine gun at table, then disappears)
- Nightwing: But he is locked up, like a lot locked up. Maybe we should go for a visit.
- [Looks over to where Bruce was just sitting to see him gone]
- Nightwing: Could you just once say 'Let's get in the car'? Is that so hard?
- [Batman and Nightwing are interrogating the Joker in Arkham]
- The Joker: [to Batman] You look good. Been working out? You could probably use a little sun... but then, who am I to talk? [laughs]
- Batman: [handing the Joker a photo of the Red Hood] He's calling himself the Red Hood. What do you know about it?
- The Joker: That he has horrible taste! When I wore that number, it was classy — more flashy maitre d' than motorcycle fetish. These kids today...
- Nightwing: If you have anything to do with this, we will find out. You can't...
- The Joker: Oh, Bird Boy, you're so much less fun now! All grown up and in your big-boy pants. [maliciously] Still, better off than his replacement, right? Even tougher making with the yuks when you're worm food...
- [Angered, Batman slams him against the wall]
- The Joker: [smiles cruelly] You gonna do it this time, or are you just gonna put me in another body cast for six months?
- [Batman hesitates for a moment, and finally throws him to the ground]
- The Joker: So... disappointing. But, back to the matter at hand: this new Hoodie. Do you really think I would stir up all this trouble and not make sure you knew it was me? [laughs maniacally]
- Nightwing: [about the Red Hood] He's got some moves, huh? And as much I hate to belabor a point...
- Alfred Pennyworth: And still that is often exactly what you do.
- Nightwing: I'm chatty. It's part of my charm.
- [Nightwing has been injured]
- Batman: Alfred, take him home.
- Nightwing: I can help.
- Batman: You already have. Thank you.
- Nightwing: Alright, but you know where to find me if you need me. [to Alfred] He did just... thank me, didn't he?
- Alfred: Indeed he did, sir.
- Nightwing: Weird.
- Black Mask: Maybe my last request was too mired in subtlety. I want this man dead. When I say "dead", I mean seriously dead! Beaten...broken...his-head-mounted-on-my-wall kind of dead!
- Ms. Li: Understood. We'll be taking further precautions at every transaction...
- Black Mask: Screw that! It's time he learns that this is a contact sport. We're going on offense. Rough up his business. Something big, something loud! When he shows up to shut us down, have a party waiting for him... and when I say "party", I actually mean a whole lot of people who are gonna kill him!
- Ms. Li: I figured.
- Black Mask: Just being clear.
- Red Hood: What the hell took you so long?
- Batman: Shut up and fight.
- Red Hood: Just be happy I only killed one of them. They're all assassins.
- Batman: And what are you?
- Red Hood: I'm cleaning up Gotham. More than you ever did.
- Batman: You're stealing territory from Black Mask and killing anyone who gets in your way.
- Red Hood: Black Mask is just a part of the plan.
- Batman: Plan? You're becoming a crime lord.
- Red Hood: Yes. You can't stop crime. That's what you never understood. I'm controlling it. You wanna rule them by fear. But what do you do with the ones who aren't afraid? I'm doing what you won't, I'm taking them out!
- Batman: Tell me what happened to you. Let me help.
- Red Hood: It's too late. You had your chance. And I'm just getting started.
- Batman: [about Jason] Do you remember how he was when I found him?
- Alfred: Of course, sir. Fearless, arrogant, brash and gifted.
- Batman: Yes. Different than Dick in so many ways, but still full of potential and power. But I knew, even from the beginning, he was dangerous. If I hadn't made him into Robin, he would have grown to do wrong. Then I got him killed. My partner. My soldier. My fault. I own that. I'll carry that like everything else. But now there's this. He's taken everything I've ever taught him and turned it on me. It's a hell of my making, Alfred.
- Alfred: Sir, this is not your doing. You loved him. He knows that. It should be enough.
- Batman: It's not.
- [Black Mask is holding a meeting with the Joker]
- Black Mask: I hope you appreciate everything I've done to make this get-together happen. A lot of money. A lot of... dead meat.
- [The Joker remains silent, munching on potato chips]
- Black Mask: Look, I've got a problem, and you are absolutely the man who possesses the gifts to help me with this problem. I need you to murder the Red Hood. Think you can handle that?
- [The Joker is quiet for a minute, and coughs]
- The Joker: May I have some water?
- [One of Black Mask's goons hands the Joker a glass of water; the Joker promptly breaks the glass, kills the goon with it, and shoots all but Black Mask and Ms. Li]
- The Joker: I'm going to need something to wear, and a very big truck.
- Black Mask: Sure. Anything else?
- The Joker: I'll need some guys.
- [pauses for a moment]
- Not these guys, because, well, they're kinda dead. [laughs maniacally]
- Jason Todd: [hits Joker with a crowbar] Tell me, how does that feel?
- The Joker: [coughing painfully] You know, it only hurts when I laugh...
- Jason Todd: Is that what you think this is about? You letting me die? I don't know what clouds your judgement worse, your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why... why on God's earth... [smashes closet door open to reveal the Joker] ...is he still alive?!
- [The Joker awakes and looks at both Jason and Batman, and then starts to laugh]
- Joker: Gotta give the boy points! He came all the way back from the dead to make this shindig happen! So who's got a camera? Ooh! Ooh! Get one of me and the kid first. Then you and me, then the three of us. And then one with the crowbar! Then…
- Jason Todd: [knocking the Joker down and holding a gun to his head] You'll be as quiet as possible, or I'll put one in your lap first.
- Joker: Party pooper. No cake for you!
- Jason Todd: [to Batman] Ignoring what he's done in the past. Blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who have suffered, the friends he's crippled. You know, I thought... I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshiping garbage and then send him off to hell!
- Batman: You don't understand. I don't think you've ever understood.
- Jason Todd: What? What, your moral code just won't allow for that? It's too hard to cross that line?
- Batman: No! God Almighty, no! It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by when I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others and then... end him.
- Joker: Awwww! So you do think about me.
- Batman: But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place, I'll never come back.
- Jason Todd: Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about him. Just him. And doing it because... Because he took me away from you.
- Batman: I can't. I'm sorry.
- The Joker: That is so sweet!
- Jason: Well, you won't have any choice. [Throws Batman a second gun]
- [Batman, having refused to shoot either the Joker or Jason, has thrown a batarang into Jason's gun barrel, thus causing it to backfire and disarming Jason.]
- Joker:[begins laughing maniacally] I can't believe you got him! You expert rooting-tooting, eagle-eyed, goth loving marksman! I love it. You managed to find a way to win. And everybody still loses! [laughs]
- [Jason presses a detonator that trigger a pile of explosives in the fire place. Batman spots them and rushes to disarm them.]
- Joker: No! Don't spoil it, this is better. [Tackles Batman and attempts to strangle him] I'm the only one who's going to get what he wants tonight. Yes! Bing-Bang-Boom! We all go out together. Don't you just love a happy ending? [Begins laughing until Batman punches him out cold]
- [Batman stares sadly at Jason's old Robin uniform]
- Alfred: Sir, in light of all that's happened... do you want me to take it down?
- Batman: No. This doesn't change anything. [quietly, to himself] It doesn't change anything at all.
