Family Guy/Season 10

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Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999. The show was cancelled in 2002, but after extremely positive response to DVDs and reruns on Adult Swim, production of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2005.

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Lottery Fever[edit]

Peter: I just bought a giant room full of gold coins; I'm gonna dive into it like Scrooge McDuck.
[cutaway to giant coin room. Peter enters the room on the diving board in swimwear. He jumps and dive, only to land bloodily injured]
Peter: Aaaaagghh! It's not a liquid! It's a great many pieces of solid matter that form a hard floor-like surface! Aaaaaaagh!

Seahorse Seashell Party[edit]

Stewie: Don't worry, Brian, I'manna stay on your side all night, alright? Shh, shh... It's okay, it's okay. Do you like my soothing voice? [Brian looks at Stewie. He sees Stewie in a scarier face and voices like Supreme Being with real lips] Do you like my soothing voice? R-r-r-r-r-r-return the map. R-r-r-r-r-r-return what you have stolen from me.
Brian: GAAAAAAGGHH!!! [Brian gets up from Stewie, runs onto a wall, pushing to a endless hallway until the wall separates and he falls] Daaaaaaaaaaaggggghhhhh! [fades to darkness]

Stewie: You know, Brian, you may be a dog, but you're a pretty cool cat.
Choir: Stewie just said that!
Stewie: Take it home with ya!

Lois: Look, the bottom line here, Meg, is that you're taking your own problems out on everyone else.
Meg: Oh, my problems? Oh, I see. Is this coming from my role-model mother? The shoplifter, the drug addict, the porn star, the whore who let Gene Simmons and Bill Clinton go to town on her?
Lois: Oh, so what? A...all of those things are behind me now. I'm a better person now because of those experiences.
Meg: Are you? Are you a better person?
Lois: What's your point, Meg?
Meg: My point is with all that irresponsible, reckless, idiotic behavior in your past, that somehow, heh, somehow you have the nerve, the arrogance to consistently and ruthlessly point out my shortcomings.
Lois: Alright, well, fine! Okay, I'm not a perfect mother; who is?
Meg: [laughs sarcastically] Not only are you not the perfect mother, you're the farthest thing from! From the moment you gave birth to me, I had to trust you. I had no choice. I needed you to protect me from the world to, to be my guide, to help me navigate the difficult, confusing, and vulnerable journey to become a person. You have done NONE of those things! You're my mother, and you took a child's trust and smashed it into tiny bits in a seventeen-year long mission to destroy something that you killed long time ago! And honestly, when I turn eighteen, I... I don't know if I ever want to see you again!
[Lois's lips begins to quiver, and then she begins to sob]
Stewie: (looking at his phone) Oh wow, everybody's already twitting "Stewie Just Said That".
Lois: Ugh, you're right. You're right, I'm a terrible mother! I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Meg! Can you ever forgive me? Oh God!
(As Lois continues to cry, Peter whispers something in Meg's ear)
Meg: And you never let Dad stir paint anymore... whatever that means.
Peter: I didn't know you knew that, Meg, but I'm glad you brought it up.

Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q[edit]

Peter: Aww, that yellow lab looks like it's dying.
Lois: Peter, that's Gwyneth Paltrow. She's fine.

Brenda: Well, I best be rolling on now.
Quagmire: Come on, who says that?
Joe: It's an expression.
Peter: If you're in a wheelchair.

Jeffrey Fecalman: What the Hell? I killed you!
Quagmire: I choke myself everyday, you bastard!

Stewie Goes for a Drive[edit]

[Brian is questioning Stewie about the damaged car]
Brian: Look at this! Do you know anything about this?!
Stewie: About what? What a beautiful day - Oh my God, that is surprising! I had to stop the last sentence in the middle because I was so surprised. What happened?
Brian: Gee, I don't know. Do YOU know what happened?
Stewie: [chuckles] Sorry, what was that? I was laughing at that funny thing you said how Lois' potatoes "au rotten"?
Brian: Huh. Didn't think anybody heard that. Wish you laughed at the time, but what the hell happened to my car?!

[Stewie is on TV]
Stewie: Brian, I've decided to run away. Don't come looking for me. And definitely don't chase me to the airport and catch me at the gate just before I'm about to get on a plane with, like, an emotional speech and possibly flowers. For instance, it would be awful if all the TSA people were gathered around watching this emotional moment, even the older black female carry-on scanner who initially stopped you at the baggage check, but after you told her of your intentions said, "Go get him, child," in flagrant disregard for all newly-implemented post 9/11 security measures. And if you were bringing a boombox to play music, I would suggest any one of the six songs:
[the suggested songs scroll over Stewie: "With or Without You" - U2, "Solsberry Hill" - Peter Gabriel, "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield, "Live Like We're Dying" - Kris Allen, "Thank You" - Dido and "Somebody" - Depeche Mode]
Stewie: So again, ran away. Don't come after me.
["Thank You" by Dido plays as the image fades]

Back to the Pilot[edit]

Stewie: [to Brian] What did I tell you about altering the past? Wait, when did you even do that?
Brian: Well, remember when I said I was gonna take a leak?
Stewie: Brian, you shouldn't have done that. Who knows what unforseen consequences are awaiting us? Saddam Hussein could be president. Mexico could be the world's dominant super power. Cookie Monster could have invented Facebook.
[cuts to a scene with Cookie Monster and a man behind a desk]
Man: What is this?
Cookie Monster: Cookiebook.

Stewie: There it is! We did it, Brian! We made 9/11 happen! High five!
Brian: All right, high five!
[the give each other a high five]
Stewie: Well, that... that probably wouldn't look very good out of context.

Thanksgiving[edit]

Bonnie: Kevin, I want you to meet your little sister, Susie.
Kevin: Wow! Hey, little sis. I guess we got some catching up to do, huh? Hope you didn't get scared when I scream and have night terrors.
Susie: [thought] It's quite alright. I've seen worse.
[cutaway to Susie watching TV; woman screams and squashes are heard]
Susie [voiced by Patrick Stewart]: A human centipede? How ghastly!

Joe: Okay, let's pick teams; I'll be a captain and, uh... Mayor West, you could be the captain.
West: All right, I pick you.
Joe: You can't pick me, I'm a captain.
[cut to living room where West is surrounded with seven kids]
West: No-one ever stood up for me like that before; I respected him thereon out.
Child 1: That's a great story, Grampa.
Child 2: I didn't like it.
[many years later; West is surrounded with twelve kids]
West: None of my grand children have ever disliked one of my stories before; from then on, he was my favorite.
Child 3: Well. I don't like that story, great-Grampa. [West stands up; electrocutes the boy and disintegrates into dust]
West: [breaks fourth wall] Future old people are wizards.

Amish Guy[edit]

Lois: I can't belive we're stuck in Amish Country.
Stewie: I thought something was amish. [Brian smacks him on the head]

Lois: We can't be part of a feud with the Amish!
Peter: I didn't start this thing, Lois! But I'munna finish it! [goes into the house and dials the phone] Joe, round up Quagmire and all the modern day technology you can find! We are goin' to war! Oh, oh. Hey, Bonnie. I-Is Joe there? [pause] Well, can I leave a message for 'im? Yeah, yeah. It's what I said before 'bout, eh, th-the war thing.

Amish man: You are banished from our community this instant and take your whore daughter with you!

Cool Hand Peter[edit]


[Peter and the gang get pulled over by a police car]
Peter: Don't worry about it, guys. I read nowhere that southern sheriffs really wanna be talked down to by big-shot northerners.
[Peter puts on a Harvard University sweater and takes out a pipe as the sheriff approaches the car]
Sheriff Nichols: Afternoon.
Peter: [in a snooty voice] Officer, hwhat is it? We are in tremendous urban rush.
Sheriff Nichols: You fellas ain't from around here, are yeh?
Peter: [normal voice] Hey, Sheriff. I'm tryin' to learn southern. Is this sayin' anything? Adoi-doi-doi-doi-doi!!

[Peter and the gang are hiding from the sheriff in the sheriff's closet. The sheriff comes in and hears a loud fart]
Sheriff: Who's there!? (Cocks shotgun)
Peter: [In a Miss Piggy-like voice] It's just me sweetie.
Sheriff: Oh. Didn't know you were home honey. Whatcha doing in the closet?
Peter: (In Miss-Piggy like voice] Uuumm. Wife...things?

[Lois, Donna and Bonnie lie on the couch, intoxicated.]
Lois: [slurs words] He-he-ey-hey! I got an idea for something that's gonna be so fuckin' funny. [whispers to Bonnie and Donna] Okay, Bonnie, go get it. It's in the closet. [Bonnie leaves] Brian! Brian, come out here! [Brian enters the living room reading a book]
Brian: I'm reading.
Lois: [giggles] What...what...whatta you reading?
Brian: Well, I was just finishing Jonathan Franzen's book. Y'know, I'll admit, it has its moments, but it's completely overrated. I mean, I'm not saying I wrote something similar to it several years ago, but I am saying..
Lois: Grab him!
[The wives jump on top of a struggling Brian.]
Brian: What? Hey-hey?! What are you doing? Hey!
Lois: Get his paw! Hold still!
Brian: Hey hey hey! What-?!
Lois: Push him down onto all fours!
Brian: No! What are you do-?! I don't wanna do this!
Lois: If he really starts freaking out, put your pinkie in his butt!
[The wives release Brian; he is dressed as a bee and trying to get the costume off.]
Donna: Calm down! Calm down!
[She whacks Brian on the head with the book. He runs into the stereo and the three women break down laughing hysterically.]
Lois: Now, Stewie!
Stewie: [walks in carrying a pistol] Okay, I guess this is the night bitches die.

Joe: I don't think so. You're in my juristriction now sheriff butt breath!

[A couple cops then came out of the train surrounding the deputies with guns]

Joe: You got a lot of nerve driving around my town with a busted headlight, and a busted windshield, and an untreated flesh wound!

Grumpy Old Man[edit]

[the Griffin family watches the Channel 5 news]
Tom Tucker: Good morning, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, we talk to a man on the street while another man further back on the street flips you off.
Joyce Kinney: But first, Quahog was hit by a major blizzard last night. Here, with more details on the snowstorm is Asian correspondent Tricia Nakahoma.
Tom Tucker: [annoyed] That's wrong. That's wrong, you're not doing good so far.
[Tricia Takanawa is shown outside, where it's packed with snow]
Tricia Takanawa: I'm standing here surrounded by snow tourists, stalled cars and the one douchebag that wears a tank top everytime there is a blizzard.
Douchebag: Yeah, this is nothin'. Guys at work drank a quart o' motor oil once and didn't even die from it. Put that on the news, but you won't.

Meg and Quagmire[edit]

Peter: Hey, Quagmire. What's going on?
Quagmire: Well, Peter. A little birdie told me that today is Meg's birthday. [a hummingbird appears]
Hummingbird: You give me credit?
Quagmire: Yeah, I just told him.
Hummingbird: [to Peter] I'm the one who told him. [looks both four times and flies off]

Quagmire: So, where is the birthday girl?
Meg: Oh. Hi, Mr. Quagmire.
Quagmire: Well, it's your 18th birthday, Meg. That's a very important milestone in a young girl's-- I mean, a young woman's life. Hey, welcome to the adult club, huh? And you know what? You got another member right next door if you ever wanna talk and stuff. Happy birthday. [pats Meg's left leg. His little finger wiggles] Hey...hey, where's that pinkie goin', huh? Where's he goin'? What-what's he doin'? Get back here. There you go. [Meg smiles then looks at Quagmire]
Peter: Heh-heh! Look at Quagmire hitting on that skank. You know he's gonna close the deal.
Brian: Peter, that skank is your daughter.
Peter: Oh my God. You're right!
Quagmire: Y'know, Meg. I'd love to see you without your hat on. [lifts pink beanie. A green hand emerges from her scalp, pulls beanie down] Okay.

Stewie: Don't worry, Dad. I'll take care of him! [punches Quagmire's legs] Stay away from my sis!

The Blind Side[edit]

Stewie: Of course, the most important part of any workout is a proper cool-down and stretch. [pushes on the stairs and gets a splinter] Aaaggh!
Brian: What? What is it?
Stewie: I've got a splinter! [starts crying]
Lois: [picks him up] Oh my god! Stewie, what is it?
Brian: Oh, he just got a splinter.
Lois: Oh, my poor baby. It's 'cause those stairs are falling apart.
Brian: It's not just the stairs. Meg has spent two days pinned under a roof beam.
[Meg is under a roof beam, depressed]
Lois: Let's just focus on the stairs, Brian.

Peter: [to Lois as she rambles about her day at the office] Seems like you're doing everything and they're doing nothing.
[Lois continues rambling]
Peter: She's obviously threatened by you.
Peter: It's ridiculous and I support you fully.
Peter: You can't let them get to you.
Peter: They're jealous of what you have.
Peter: It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Peter: Only you can prevent forest fires.

Livin' on a Prayer[edit]

Peter: Wait a minute, Christian Science? Is that—Is that that thing all them gaybo Hollywood actors do to keep their stuff away from other guys' butts?

Peter: Okay, now take this walkie-talkie and confirm I'm at the various checkpoints.
Lois: Huh, okay. [speaks into walkie-talkie] Peter up on telephone pole?
Peter: [spying from a telephone pole, lower binnoculars] Check.
Lois: Peter cutting the wires to the alarm?
Peter: [cuts the wire] Check.
Lois: Sexy Peter distracting the guards?
Peter: [dressed as a prostitute] Check. [to the guards] Hello, boys! Come out and have sex with me sometime.
Lois: Van full of Peters with stern faces because they're about to pull off a heist.
Peter: [shows a vanful of stern-faced Peters] Check.
Lois: Upside-down Peter who isn't revealed to upside-down until the camera spins around and shows that he is.
Peter: [appears right-side up until the camera spins around to show he's upside-down] Check.
Lois: Peter in an open airplane door, slapping Peters on the back as they parachute out.
Peter: [slapping other Peters as they parachute out] Go! Go-go-go-go-go! [into walkie-talkie] Check!
Lois: Super gymnastic Asian Peter, contorted into a box that will be delivered into the house.
Asian Peter: [shows Peter rolling in a crate and x-rays to reveal Asian Peter inside] Hai!
Lois: Peter who hasn't answered because something has gone terribly wrong. [shows the walkie-talkie on the floor] Peter? Peter, are you there? [zooms out to reveal Peter lying dead with his throat slit as blood pools around him]

Tom Tucker: The Man and His Dream[edit]

[Chris is dating a girl who looks just like Lois]
Stewie: Are they not seein' this?
Brian: I know, it's kinda creepy. It's almost like he's dating Lois.
Stewie: Yeah – looks like somebody's getting a little Oedipussy.
Brian: Can we say that?
Stewie: Just did.

Lindsey: [dressed as Lois] Thanks for buying me these clothes, Glenn.
Quagmire: You're welcome. [to Mort, also dressed as Lois] And you're dismissed.
Mort: Do I still get to keep the twenty?

Be Careful What You Fish For[edit]

[Billy and Peter both in the bathroom, Peter is naked]
Billy: Don't take this the wrong way, but have you actually got a penis?
Peter: Yes.
Billy: Where... where is it?
Peter: It's in there.
Billy: Are you sure, so it's like Snuffleupagus down there, is it?
Peter: Oh, the hell with this... Lois, get the ruler. We're measuring again, and this time, I decide where the base is.

Peter: I gotta take a bath. [Billy is watching him]
Billy: Go on then. We're both men.
Peter: Well.... alright I guess.
Billy: There you go... [Peter gets naked and Billy starts laughing] ...look at that? What is th... WOAH Solar eclipse blocking the sun, do not look directly at it. [laughs again]
Peter: What... what, what, what the hell... what are you doing?
Billy: I'm just making a comment... ummm... need to know something. Do you hear the word "Morbidly" a lot?

Billy: Anyway, I'm off to read Meg's diary. I've only been here one night, but I get the sense we all dislike Meg.

Lois: So, Billy. I hope the couch was alright.
Billy: Yeah. A lot better than the floor. And I should know because I went down on the floor, thinking it was gonna be a lot better than the couch.

Burning Down the Bayit[edit]

Quagmire: I don't like this, you guys – uh, this is bad... Joe's gonna find out, I just know it!
Peter: Geez, Quagmire. You need to relax – and I know how to help. Calgon, take him away.
[scene fades. Quagmire nervously leans in the bubbly bath, looking down as the soap bubble around him floats higher]
Quagmire: This is worse, Peter!
Peter: Relax! This is supposed to be your time! This is the right way to deal with your problems.

Joes cellphone: Oh my god look at this fire me , Mort and Quagmire just started!

[Lois visits Peter in prison]
Lois: How could you do this? You have a family!
Peter: For once, could you visit me in jail and not criticize me?

Killer Queen[edit]

[everyone is cheering as Chris and Yamamoto are eating hotdogs]
Peter: Chris, you're four hotdogs behind. Come on,
Chris: Ohh. I can't eat anymore.
Peter: Remember what I told you.
[a dream cloud comes as Chris remembers]
Peter: I get this weird cyst things right on the fringe of my sac. I want to get it checked, but I'm afraid of what they're gonna tell me.
Chris: He's right. I can do it! [he starts eating up all the hotdogs, then Moto does the same]
[the buzzer beeps]
Announcer: We have a winner. Ladies and gentlemen, Yamamoto has finally been defeated.
[the crowd cheers as Yamamoto sadly leaves]
Peter: [picks up Chris] Chris, you did it. You're a champion, and now you get your pick of the groupies.
[there are four fat models]
Chris: They're shiny.
Peter: Yeah, it's a pretty warm day.

Forget-Me-Not[edit]

[Peter replaces a family portrait with a portrait of Laser Tag Times newspaper article reading "Peter Griffin Eliminates Enemies. DESTROYS WORLD!"]
Peter: I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.
Lois: You know, there's something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family.
Brian: Come on, Lois. I think you're over reacting. What's so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies?
Lois: Buddies? You're one of his buddies?
Brian: Yeah, and you know why? 'Cause I don't try to tell him what he can and can't do.
Lois: Oh, please, Brian. You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. You're his property.

You Can't Do That on Television, Peter[edit]

[Peter places a device, moves the handle and awooga goes the klaxon]
Peter: Uh-oh! Sounds like my cranky new neighbor just got home – I hope she doesn't come over here and give me a business. [knocks the table three times. he picks up a poorly designed puppet version of Lois in a high tone] Peeter! [normal tone, irritable] Oh, hi, Saggy Naggy. [high] Never mind with 'hi'! It's sounds like someone's having fun over here! You know I don't like that. [normal, brusquely] Hey, kids, meet Saggy Naggy. Real nice lady, huh?
Kids: Noo!
Peter: What can I do for ya, Saggy Naggy? [high, bawled] You can stop havin' fun! [normal, bugged] But we like fun – don't we, kids?
Kids: Yes!
Peter: [high, incredulous] Well, too bad, 'cause you're all gonna eat your vegetables, listen to long stories about my cousins, and how we fold sheets! [to Peter] And you! You're gonna help me around the house, take out the garbage and give Stewie his bottle. [cut to Stewie on the couch in sunglasses thru his cellphone]
Stewie: Yeah, I heard it – he say my name on TV all the time, calm down, bitch.

Lois: [telling Peter why he can't run out and take pictures for his book of "lesbian butts in '80s jeans"] Peter, you're not doing that. I got a ton of errands to run, and I need your help around here.
Peter: Well, fine. If I can't do the book, I'm gonna hurt something you love. [opens the closet door, pulls out vacuum cleaner, and proceeds to stab the vacuum bag repeatedly, scattering dust all over the room] *Cough, cough* Ya happy now?
Lois: Maybe we should discuss this in the other room. [indicating Stewie] I don't like fightin' in front of the kids.
Peter: No! I wanna fight in front of the kids! I feed off the excitement of an audience.
Lois: Peter, for once you're gonna stay here and help around the house. Now, I need you to watch Stewie till I get back. [leaves]
Brian: [walks into family room holding cup of coffee and newspaper, and sees the stabbed vacuum cleaner] Whoever did this, thank you.

[Neil and Meg are dissecting pigs in biology class]
Neil: I can't dissect this pig, Mr. Kingman. It's against my religion.
Mr. Kingman: Believe me Neil, it's no thrill for the pig to touch a Jew, either. Okay, how about you, Meg? How are you doing?
Meg: Pretty good. It's kinda cool cutting something that's not me.
Mr. Kingman: [examining Meg's work] Wow, that's some pretty impressive work.
Classmate: It's easy for Meg to dissect a pig because she is a pig! Ha ha ha!
Mr. Kingman: HEY! ... All right, I'll let that one slide.

Mr. and Mrs. Stewie[edit]

[Lois covers her ears in bed. Zooms out to Peter hold a gigantic plume feather in the form of a quill pen, and begins to write]
Peter: "Dearest Augustine, I do hope this latest damp has not aggravated your grey lung." [*dips his quill] Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip. "Matters stateside have taken a tragic turn as this year's gourd crop has fallen prey to a rather unexpected infestation of salt marsh cutworms." Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip.
Lois: [sits up] Peter, it's 4:00 in the morning; come to bed!
Peter: [writes further] "Marital concerns continue to bedevil me."

[Two weeks after Stewie planted a bomb set to explode when Mort opens his wallet. Mort strolls thru the sidewalk with Stewie and Penelope behind]
Penelope: Oh, bloody hell, how do you go two weeks without opening your wallet?
Stewie: Yeah, he's been out to dinner like four times!
Penelope: We're clearly not going to get him this way.
Stewie: I know. Which is why I just planted another bomb that's set to go off every time he burps into his hand.
[Mort stops abruptly and burps into his hand; a giant explosion engulfs the scene, then settles and Mort lands onto the pavement]
Mort: Ooohh, I better make sure my wallet's okay. [gets his wallet, opens it and explodes again]

[Lois leaves the en-suite, then stops. Zoom out and Peter is on his twin bed next to Quagmire]
Lois: Peter, what's going on?
Peter: Quagmire's havin' a sleepover with me.
Lois: [giggly] You can't be serious.
Peter: [deeply concerned] Look, Lois, I told ya that I need to have somebody sleepin' next to me. Alright now, if that's not gonna be you–
Lois: Fine, do what you want, I don't care, but I think it's very strange.
Peter: Okay, that's the one thing that's not.
Quagmire: Yeah, it's not strange.
Lois: I already told you, I don't care. [switches lamp off and lies down]
Quagmire: [to Peter] It's not strange.
Peter: I know.

Leggo My Meg-O[edit]

Peter: [on the phone] I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want, but I have a very particular lack of skills. I will never be able to find you. But what I do have is two dollars and a Casio wrist-watch. You can have one of them.
Voice on Phone: (Speaking French)
Peter: These guys are serious. (To Lois:) Lois, Meg's dead! Maybe we can replace Meg with Courtney Nolan!

French Abduction Scout: [dying words after being run over by a bus] Oh no... I have chateau-ed myself....

Tea Peter[edit]

Quagmire: Hey, you ever accidentally masturbate to young pictures of your mom?
Peter: Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down.

Chris: Wait'll you see Debbie Reynolds on stage.

Pastor: I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
[lifts Quagmire to top with a giraffe]
Quagmire: I'm glad we waited.
[NINE MONTHS LATER]
[the giraffe grimances and, thump! A little giraffe with Quagmire's head stands up, looks direct at Quagmire]
Giraffe Quagmire: Giraffity!
Quagmire: Yeah see, that's not mine.

Ryan Phillippe: Would anyone like to be impregnated?

Brian: Hey! So how's that Tea Party goin', huh? More like TP Party. [pause] Toilet paper.

Family Guy Viewer Mail #2[edit]

[Mayor West approaches a damaged Peter]
Mayor Adam West: Boy, that looks enticing. [hold a rod, and lightning electrocutes him] Yeah, this is nice.

Stewie: I guess Disney wouldn't let us do the Aladdin one.

Quagmire: Hey, kid. Cm'ere. I wanna see if I can still smell your mom's boobs on your mouth.
Stewie: Why don't you go and hump a pile of garbage?

[Stewie is underneath Brian's car, which comes to a stop. Stewie looks to the left and spots Herbert underneath a school bus.]
Herbert: Hey there, little fella. We sure got a lovely day for we, don't we?
Stewie: Stay away from my brother's butt.

Peter: Hey, is that my froggy butt cloth?

Internal Affairs[edit]

[Peter rear-ends another car behind him]
Peter: Oh, my God! Buddy, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?
[the door of the car behind him opens and it is none other than the Giant Chicken]

Stewie: Well, now I've seen Woodrow Wilson naked.

Peter: Jeez, every cop in the town is here.
Quagmire: I know. Who do ya think's taking care of the city?
[Consuela is in the middle of an intersection]
Consuela: No. No. No. No. [mops a puddle]
Driver: What the hell? Come on!
Consuela: No drive, is wet.

Peter: Breaker-breaker 1-9, what's your 20?
[indistinct blabber on the radio]
Peter: Aw, it's so hot just knowin' you're in a truck.

Bonnie: You're right on time, Kevin just woke up screaming from his afternoon nap.
Kevin: Mom, it's my birthday and you invited your friends?!
Bonnie: All yours are dead!

Bonnie: You cheated on me?!!

Joe: I wanna divorce!
Bonnie: You got it!!!!

Chris: Does the Swanson divorce mean that I have to go live with Grandma and Grandpa?
Lois: No, Chris, it does not; that doesn't even make any sense.

Stewie: Why did the sign say "not an exit"?! It should've just said "gorilla door"!

External links[edit]

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