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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (season 1)

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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015), usually referred to as CSI, is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Las Vegas.

Pilot [1.1]

[edit]
Catherine: What do you think?
Warrick: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.
Brass: I think every new hire should experience an autopsy on their first night.
Grissom: Morning. Gil Grissom, forensics. I'm taking over the case for Warrick Brown. Mind if I come in?
Husband: [sighs] How can I help you?
Grissom: I need to give you a pedicure.
Husband: Come again?
Grissom: If latex rubber and cooking spray went on a blind date, how would the night end?
Charlotte: A lot better than ours did.
Grissom: I know, Pink Floyd's not your thing.
Charlotte: I have on cowboy boots. I work in a lab. What makes you think "Dark Side of the Moon" synched to the Wizard of Oz is going to warm my damn barn?
Grissom: I just thought it'd be something different.
Charlotte: You want to be different? Pin me up against a wall; lay one on me like you mean it.
[Charlotte gets up and walks past Grissom.]
Charlotte: You're slacking, pal.
[She sits down in front of the computer database. The computer beeps and starts running through print comparisons.]
Grissom: How long till we get a hit?
Charlotte: It could be four minutes, could be four days but you can bet your ass she'll give you something. She always does.
Grissom: "Pin you against a wall?"
[Grissom casts Charlotte a sideways glance.]
Royce Harmon: [Recorded] My name is Royce Harmon. I reside at 7642 Carpenter Street, Las Vegas, Nevada. I am 41 years of age ... and I'm going to kill myself.
Catherine: [explaining the job to Holly, the new girl] We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick it out. At least until you solve your first. And after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay, with my right hand to God, you will never regret it.
Sgt. O'Riley: [Describing Brass and Grissom] Here comes the "nerd squad".
Greg: I've got to warn you, oral swabs don't always read right. Vaginal swabs? No problem. Anal swabs? Money.
Nick: Anal swabs?
Greg: Anal swabs.
Nick: Ouch!
Grissom: [yelling at Warrick] We solve these cases regardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor!
Grissom: I need you to roll up your sleeve and give me a pint of your blood
Holly: What for?
Grissom: It's customary for all new hires.
Holly: Why?
Grissom: So many reasons...
[some time later] [Grissom is undertaking a blood spatter reconstruction using real blood]
Warrick: Where'd you get the blood?
Grissom: The new girl. Want to donate?
Warrick: Hell no.
[Holly Gribbs is observing her first autopsy]
Grissom: You gotta breathe through your ears, Gribbs.
[To a room full of 'corpses', after Holly Gribbs was frightened into hysterics]
Grissom: You assholes!

Cool Change [1.2]

[edit]
Nick: How do you know all this crap?
Grissom: It's our job to know stuff.
Grissom: Yes, yes, Norman pushed. Norman jumped. Norman fell.
Sara: Wouldn't you, if you were married to Mrs. Roper?
Grissom: I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle.
Sara: That's me. Still tossin' simulation dummies? There are other ways to tell, you know.
Grissom: No thanks. I'm a scientist. I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple. I drop dummies.
Sara: You're old school.
Grissom: Exactly. And this guy was pushed.
Sara: How's the girl?
Grissom: She's still in surgery. She's not doing very well.
Sara: That's too bad.
Grissom: God, Sara, I have so many unanswered whys.
Sara: There's only one why that matters now, why did Warrick Brown leave the scene?
Sara: Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?
Catherine: She's out in the field. Let me guess, Sara Sidle?
Sara: I know who I am, I think you're a little confused.
Catherine: If you think you're taking my case, Forget it.
Sara: Ok, we can stay here and argue or we can get out there and find who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp woman are better than one..
Grissom: [Laughing] Jacks or better. You're under arrest.
Suspect: Oh, yeah? What for?
Grissom: First-degree murder.
Suspect: Oh. On what grounds?
Grissom: [Looking at suspect's boots] Roof dust.
Catherine dials the number on the pager:
Sara: What are you gonna say? Hi, I'm a criminalist, I was in the neighborhood...
Catherine: Shhhhh....it's ringing.
Suspect: Hello.
Catherine: Ah, hey.
Suspect: Hey, who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper.
Catherine: Uh-uh, it's my beeper now, I found it.
Suspect: That ain't your beeper, girl, it's mine, I do a lot of business on that beeper.
Catherine: What kind of business?
Suspect: You know, slinging a little something-something.
Catherine: Oh, a little something-something, or maybe a little bling-bling?
Suspect: Ah, so what you know about some bling-bling?
Catherine: Well invite me over to your crib, baby, and you might find out.
Suspect: Three Aces Motel, room 202
Catherine: Three Aces Motel, room 202, ahh, see you soon. (hangs up the phone)
Sara: ...
Catherine: Did I just do that?
Sara: What's a bling-bling?
Catherine: Got me.

Crate 'n Burial [1.3]

[edit]
Sara: Get a picture of the security pad, someone touches it before it's dusted I break their fingers.
Sara: You're standing in my crime scene.
Nick: No, you're in mine.
Sara: You got audio, I wanted that.
Nick: I out rank you.
Sara: Technicality, who'd Grissom handpick to work here?
Nick: Keep telling yourself that.
Sara: Excuse me. Is my evaluation interrupting you?
Grissom: No, I barely heard you.
Grissom: People leave us clues, Nick. They speak to us in thousands of different ways. It's our job to make sure we've tried to hear every single thing they've said.
Nick: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
Sara: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick: Stop flirting with me.
Sara: Hey Grissom (holds up a roll of tape) Could you come tape me up? (walks back into the garage)
Grissom: (looks to where Sara has walked out) I love my work!
Catherine: (looks at Grissom oddly) It shows! (walks away from Grissom as he follows Sara into the garage)
Grissom: (is crouched in front of Sara carefully taping her hands whilst they share intimate smiles) So, you found Laura’s hairs here? Passenger seat, front of the car?
Sara: Right, not in the back which made me ask: What kind of a kidnapper puts a bound and unconscious woman in the front seat of his car? The back of my arm isn’t touching the sheepskin but there was sheepskin fibres on the back of Laura’s sleeve which tells us that she sat back like a normal person. “Cut me Mick” (Grissom cuts the tape and even more carefully pulls it from her wrists) Like this. (she shows him)
Grissom: So she wasn’t bound at all?
Sara: Correct, but that made me ask the question: What kind of kidnapper puts an unconscious woman in the front seat of the car even unbound? Answer’s usually in the question…you taught me that! So was she unconscious? We found Halothane on the patio. Halothane knocks you out…if you take it!
Grissom: So you’re saying that she never inhaled the Halothane?
Sara: Proof would be in her blood. Halothane stays in the system up to 48 hours.
Grissom: How lucky am I that I got a sample of her blood?
Sara: Oh…
Grissom: So you can go to lab and check that out.
Sara: Dammit! I wanted to carry the ball over the line!
Grissom: (blushes slightly) I know!

Pledging Mr. Johnson [1.4]

[edit]
Nick: I can't believe I used to live in a place like this.
Sara: And here I had all this respect for you.
[After finding out the drowned woman had fried calamari before she died]
Catherine: Now tell me, why are we here?
Grissom: 'Cuz it's the only place within ten miles of Calville Bay that serves calamari.
Catherine: And you know this because...?
Grissom: I come here for calamari.
Catherine: Oh. Alone?
Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.
Grissom: [to Catherine after finding a severed leg] Well Watson, the game's afoot.
Dr.Robbins: The leg was severed post-mortem.
Catherine: Well, that's good news.
Dr.Robbins: How do you figure?
Catherine: Would you want to be alive while your leg's being cut off?
Sara: [to Warrick]: Fine suit.
[Warrick and Nick turn around to find Sara in the locker room]
Sara: [to Nick] And well, just fine.
Nick: That's harassment.
Sara: Hey, we have one locker room and it's my job to be observant.
Greg: What's Grissom doing?
Warrick: He's trying to find a missing boat.
Greg: And let me guess, Catherine got bored?
Warrick: Well you know Grissom, the shortest distance between two points is science. For Catherine, it's pounding the pavement.
Catherine: No. No way, use your own hand.
Grissom: Come on, Catherine, my hand's too big.
Catherine: No!
Grissom: It's the only way we can print her. Her skin on your hand should fit like a leather glove.
Grissom: May I take your hand?
Grissom: You just compromised our investigation.
Catherine: He deserved to know the truth.
Grissom: Knowing how she died, yes. Knowing that she had an affair -- how does that bring closure?
Catherine: I guess you just have to be on the wrong end of an affair to understand.
Grissom: You can't make this about Eddie. Look, you hurt our case because your ex hurt you.
Catherine: We bring ourselves to our cases. We can't help it. I knew how Barger felt. Would you just relax? I didn't give him chapter and verse.
Grissom: You can't give him anything, Catherine. We're scientists. We're not psychiatrists or victims' rights advocates.
Catherine: You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo watching discovery on the big screen working genius- level crossword puzzles, but no relationships. No chance any will slop over into a case. Right. I want to be just like you.
Grissom: Technically, it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right. I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.
Catherine: Grissom ... what personal stuff?
Grissom: Look ... could we have a truce?
Catherine: I would love to.
Grissom: Good.
Grissom: But let me do all the talking to the husband and the boyfriend.
Catherine: He had to say it.

Friends and Lovers [1.5]

[edit]
Nick: Blood's like my grandfather. Never lies.
Warrick: Don't take it personally miss, but he's [Grissom] kind of married to his job.
Grissom: There are three kinds of people I hate. Men who hit their wives, sexual assault on children, and the scum who deal death to kids.
Grissom: Teenage wasteland! (Referencing The Who's hit song, "Baba O'Riley")
Warrick: Who?
Grissom: Yeah!
Sara: Are you hitting on me, David? Let me offer you some friendly advice! If you want to pull girls then you gotta get aggressive! Lose the coat, the glasses, and grow some scruff! You do get a C for cute though!

Who Are You? [1.6]

[edit]
Evans: [Pointing to an exotic dancer on stage] You dressed like that?
Catherine: If you want to call it dressed.
(Nick and Grissom discover a skeleton in the wall of a house)
Nick: Ten bucks says the owner sells the house.
Grissom: By law you've got to disclose everything. Three bedrooms, two baths, and a skeleton.
Greg: So, how many grains of sand in the ocean, huh?
Nick: I don't care about the ocean, just the sand in my skeleton. Can you pinpoint a beach?
Greg: I don't know. I might have to do some field research to find out. You think Grissom would let me go to Hawaii? (Nick sees Grissom in the doorway)
Nick:(to Greg) Why don't you ask him yourself?
Grissom: Ask me what?
Greg: Oh, nothing. I, uh ... I was just telling Nick about your sand. Well, it's not sand. It's not natural anyway. Here, check this out. (Grissom looks through the mircoscope at the sand) Now, if this were natural sand, the surface would be smooth. This looks more like Fremont Street on a Saturday night... rough.
Nick: Could the particles be sediment from the concrete where we found her?
Greg: No. No way. I analyzed the mineral content. It's feldspar and quartz. That's crushed gray sandstone. It's man-made, in a rock crusher.
Nick: What does that mean?
Grissom: It means she wasn't killed in Hawaii. (Greg freezes when he realized Grissom heard him before) Other than that, he has no idea. (Nick laughs)
[Eddie, Catherine's ex is accused of rape]
Grissom: So, how's the thing going on Eddie Willows?
Warrick: What thing?
Grissom: The thing that I told Catherine to pass off to you.
Warrick: (realizes and tries to cover) Oh, good. Um... we just put some stuff through the lab.
Grissom: Get ahold of the DMV?
Warrick: I was just about to.
Grissom:(slams the locker door shut as Catherine walks in) Warrick, why would you call the DMV for a rape case? (Warrick sighs at getting caught)
Catherine: Okay. I didn't hand it off.
Grissom: Really?
Catherine:I'm sorry, Warrick.
Warrick: If you want me to suave anyone, I got to know the shot.
Catherine: I know. (Warrick goes to the other side of the room) I'm sorry. (Catherine walks over to Grissom, trying to explain) I'm doing this for Lindsey.
Grissom: You so much as breathe on the evidence, it's contaminated and I end up the bad guy.
Catherine: Eyes, no hands.
Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Grissom: ...Vigorous.
Warrick: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.
Catherine: Thank you, Warrick. Eddie said that she was into it.
Grissom: "He said. She said?" It's about the evidence, Catherine. (he goes to leave but turns back to look at her) And you may not like where it takes you. (leaves, Catherine stands there for a moment)
Nick:(walks in) You brought the foundation of the house to our lab.
Grissom: It's a six-by-three-foot section. When the concrete dried it preserved a partial impression of our Jane Doe. Did you find out anything about the house?
Nick: I pulled the permits. Summercliff was built five years ago on nothing but desert.
Grissom: That would explain why the body was so desiccated.
Nick: House was sold subsequent to completion, so the homeowner isn't a suspect. Homicide is running a missing persons check.
Grissom: Well, if it wasn't for a leaky pipe she might have been down there forever.
Nick: I think our killer was counting on that.
(talking to Catherine about where she used to work as stripper)
Greg: So, the French Palace, huh?
Catherine: Yup.
Greg: You know, my friends and I used to go there. Payday Fridays.
Catherine: Uh-huh.
Greg: Maybe I saw you perform?
Catherine:(sighs) Oh, I doubt it.
Greg: Why?
Catherine': You would've remembered. (Greg looks absolutely stunned)
Sara: Both guns are nine millimeter automatics. Brass isn't going to like this.
Warrick: I don't give a damn what Brass likes.
Sara: Like I do? If Tyner's dirty, he goes down. I just know what happens when you piss off the P.D.
Warrick: Yeah, it's war.
Catherine: What do you got for me? I could use a rush.
Grissom: Well, this qualifies: 4-26. But I can't give you the case.
Catherine: Because?
Grissom: Conflict of interest. The alleged rape victim is an exotic dancer.
Catherine: And because I used to be one, I'll be biased?
Grissom: No. The suspect's your ex-husband. (beat) He's asking for you, but you can't take it. (Catherine stands up and looks at Grissom)
Catherine: Just let me do the pre-lim.
Grissom: All right. (he gives her the assignment sheet) Do what you can. But after the preliminary, you pass it off, okay? (Catherine doesn't say anything. She turns and leaves the room)
Brass: So I bet you think I owe you one, huh?
Warrick: We work. We get paid. You don't owe me anything.
Brass:(smirks) Fine with me.
Catherine: I'm a forensic scientist.
April Lewis: Scientist... wow. You look so normal.
Catherine: Thanks.
Grissom: Based on the auricular surface I'd say she died when she was about twenty.
Nick: She?
Grissom: It's in the hips. Pelvic bone is definitely female. You know, for a ladies' man you don't know much about bone structure.
Eddie: When are we going to talk about what happened?
Catherine: What's to talk about? You cheated on me. I caught you.

Blood Drops [1.7]

[edit]
Brass: (finds a pair of blood covered jeans) Whoa. Is this a pair of jeans under all that blood?
Grissom: [quoting Shakespeare] Yet who would've thought the old man could have so much blood in him?
Brass: What was that?
Grissom: That's Shakespeare.
Grissom: What did you find out about the psych exam on the little girl?
Sara: The shrink says the kid is in a catatonic state from a trauma. I could've told you that. But she did respond to the name "Buffalo."
Grissom: Respond how?
Sara: She freaked out. (Catherine stares at Sara and takes a deep breath)
Grissom: And... what are you doing about it now? (Sara nods as she looks at Grissom)
Sara: Going back to the girl. I left her in the car. (Grissom looks at her. Catherine can't believe what she's hearing) The windows are cracked... (Grissom stares at Sara, absolutely no expression on his face. Sara breaks out into a smile and stands up) Give me a little credit. She's at the hospital! (Warrick snickers at the fast one Sara just pulled on Grissom and Catherine. Nick also smiles. Grissom turns to look at Catherine. Catherine stares)
Grissom: Ecklie! I want everything right now.
Ecklie: I've been going over it.
Grissom: The Collins case is my shift. You are completely off base.
Ecklie: What, you're afraid I'll find something that might show you up?
Grissom: Oh, I'm sure, if you could, you would have by now. Where is it?
Ecklie: I don't care that you got some pimply-faced kid to confess. You kept the Sheriff out of the loop. That's a career killer, Gil.
Grissom: That's what so sad, Conrad. You think of this as a career.
Brass: (looking at Jesse's polygraph results) Well, the sick bastard is on the up and up. Except your last question. Your "Why"?
Catherine: That they killed the family so they could be together?
Brass: Operator says his respiratory reactions were inconsistent. He's lying.
Nick: We got them both. I don't much care why they did it.
Warrick: I'm with you there.
Grissom: I care. I don't like holes. What are they hiding?
Sheriff Mobley: Grissom.
Grissom: Sheriff?
Sheriff Mobley: The mayor has already called. So what have you got?
Grissom: Nothing.
Sheriff Mobley: I'm not asking you to lay out your whole case. Just give me something I can run with. I have got to feed the press and defuse the panic.
Grissom: As soon as I have something, you'll have something.
Sheriff Mobley: Here's a thought. Why don't you try being more like Ecklie?
Grissom: I could speak volumes about Conrad Ecklie, but I have a crime scene to process so ... you'll have to excuse me.
Sara: Blood swirl on the wall. Are you thinking cult? Manson?
Grissom: Somebody left a message. I need to see the rest of it.
(Grissom shuts off the lights to check evidence, and not knowing Warrick was in the room, there's a thud and Warrick swears)
Warrick: You need to tell somebody when you're cutting the lights.
Grissom: What, are you working for OSHA now?
Grissom: Hey, stop! Evidence! (Det. O'Riley stops and changes his course, staying off of the main floor and on the sides of the room)
Det. O'Riley: We got to hug the wall? This is the only room with no blood in it. There's nothing to disturb.
Grissom: You guys will never get it, will you?
(Seeing a couple officer's throwing up)
Grissom: What's wrong with your two guys?
Det. O'Reilly: They've been inside.
(Grissom looks at the house and sighs)
Ecklie: I just got off the phone with the Sheriff. He wants results, Gil.
Grissom: He should go to a sports book. I hear the Stardust is good.
Ecklie: No. What he should do is go to his first team... my team.
Grissom: Teams, Conrad? I didn't know this was a competition.
Ecklie: Well, it is, and my crew usually wins.
Grissom: Really? Didn't graveyard beat day shift in softball last summer?
Ecklie: You know, you can joke all you want. It's your ass on the line.
Grissom: I think it was 14-3.
Ecklie: Like I said, it's all about results. And, if you don't get them, I will.
Sara: (looking at Brenda's coloring) That's very pretty. (Brenda scratches out the picture) Or not. (Brenda puts the crayon down) Want to go for another ride? (without saying anything, Brenda pushes the paper and all the crayons off the table and onto the floor. She puts her hands flat against her ears) I'll take that as a "yes."
Grissom: But why your mother and your brothers?
Tina: Because they should have protected me!
Grissom: You? (flash back shows Tina’s father sexually abusing her as a five year-old and her mother and brothers doing nothing)
Tina: I was young. I learnt to deal! But the night he came for my daughter…(sighs as she lets out her biggest secret)
Grissom: (realises why she asked her boyfriend to kill her family) Daughter? Who’s…
Tina: The father? I was thirteen. And no-one noticed as my clothes were slowly getting bigger! Nice, huh?

Anonymous [1.8]

[edit]
Brass: Oh, you're gonna love this. [opens bathroom door] Ring any bells? Rub-a-dub-dub, dead man in the tub.
Grissom: What happened?
Brass: You tell me, Carnac.
Brass: Quincy wants to be alone. We had a case like this 6 months ago. Murderer left a tape recorder behind as a suicide note. He thinks the killer may have struck again.
Uniformed Cop: Why does he want to be alone?
Brass: He wants to get his mojo working.
Grissom: Life's like holding a dove. You hold it too hard...
Catherine: ... you kill it.
Grissom: Hold it too soft...
Sara: ... and it'll fly away.
Grissom: We're going off the board, tonight.
Sara: Off the board?
Catherine: The ones that got away. [Gestures to the fish shaped bulletin board] Fish.
Sara: Oh. I missed that one.
Nick: You look a little tired. Want me to give you a bottle, make you go night night?
Warrick: Want me to clack that jaw and make you go night night?
Warrick: There's other questions to answer first.
Nick: Like what?
Warrick: Footprints and tire treads.
Nick: I hate you.
Warrick: You love me. Who are you kidding?
Greg: So, what's the pot up to?
Nick: We don't bet on cases.
Greg: Ah, of course you don't...So who's winning?
Nick and Warrick: I am.
Greg: Fiends.

Unfriendly Skies [1.9]

[edit]
Grissom: So, dead guy in first class?
Brass: Las Vegas Air, I always heard it was a good time.
Grissom: I want this whole plane taped off ... nose to tail and wing to wing.
Brass: Oh, it's going to take a lot of tape.
Grissom: I've got a dead body, a crime scene with wings; Something very wrong happened in this plane.
Sara: I take it that's not blood.
Grissom: No but there's protein in it.
Sara: Oh, the Mile High Club. That means that 2 passengers may have had no idea what was going on inside that cabin.
Grissom: You know high altitude enhances the whole sexual experience, increases the euphoria.
Sara: Well, it's good...I don't know if it's that good.[Grissom shoots her a look] Cite your source.
Grissom: Hand me a swab please.
Sara:[Smirks] You're avoiding the question. "Enhances sexual experience, increases euphoria"; cite your source.
Grissom: A magazine.
Sara: What magazine?
Grissom: "Applied Psychodynamics in Forensic Science"
Sara: Never heard of it.
Grissom: I'll get you a subscription. Now cite your source.
Sara: Oh, now you want to go down that route?
Grissom: Yeah.
Sara: Nah, never mind.
Grissom: You started it. [Raises his eyebrows as if to say "Well?"]
Sara: Delta airlines, flight 1109, Boston- Miami, March 93, Ken Fuller, hazel eyes, organic chem lab TABMOC, overrated in...every aspect...Could we get back to work please?
Grissom: Yeah, I think due to your first hand knowledge and experience in airplane bathrooms, you should do the swab.
Sara: Fine.
Grissom: Well, in this case we're going to recreate the flight from ... 1630 hours on. [points to Brass] You are in 4B.
Brass: Lou.
Catherine: Lou -- the angry businessman. How about that?
Brass: [Sarcastic] Ha ha.
Sara: I want to be Shannon.
Grissom: Good.
Warrick: The stewardess.
Sara: Excuse me, it's "Flight Attendant".
Grissom: Catherine, the doctor, 3E.
Catherine: Single mom. What an imagination you have.
Grissom: [points to Nick and Warrick] Max and Marlene, 2E and F. You two are married. Who wants to wear the pants?
Nick: CSI-3 seniority, "sweetie".
Warrick: Yeah, whatever. You're henpecked anyway.
Sara: [To Grissom] Let me guess; you're the computer geek.
Grissom: In the interest of clarity, yes. Nate in 2C.
[Grissom and Warrick go to interview the final passenger]
Warrick: Mr. Cash?
Cash: [Smirks] I was wondering when you guys would get around to asking me some questions.
Grissom: So, what did you see?
Cash: Not much.
Grissom: [Barely holding his frustration] Mr. Cash, we're all very tired, here. And we don't have much time before our crime scene flies away.
Cash: I was in my seat.
Grissom: You were in 1A.
Warrick: Sitting ringside; how could you not see what was going on?
[Cash promptly pulls out a collapsible cane used by blind people, extending it]
Grissom: [Sheepishly smiles] "The blind leading the blind."
Cash: I'm not totally blind, I'm legally blind. My central visual acuity is 20/200.
[A flashback is shown of the crime on the plane, from Cash's perspective, then cuts back to the present]
Grissom: Can you describe the voices?
Cash: First voice, behind me, 4B. Businessman, I could tell by the way he ordered drinks.
Grissom: How so?
Cash: "JW Black, triple not double."
Grissom: That's Lou.
Cash: Second voice, 2F, kind of far away.
Grissom: Max. Third voice?
Cash: Third voice...ah, row behind me, two seats over. Mr. Dot-com. Guy must've typed sixty words a minute.
Grissom: Nate. That's very good.
Grissom: Please tell me you have something.
Female coroner: I know what set this guy off.
Grissom: That's more than what I got.
Female coroner: The guy had peticurual hemorrhaging, and I pegged that as probable cause of death. So, I crack his skull open, and what do I find? A cantalope in a soup can.
Grissom: [Raises an eyebrow] Tight fit.
Female coroner: And not from one or two blows to the head. He was also running a high fever, so I tested his spinal fluid. A normal human protein level is between 15 to 45 milligrams. Candelwell's was 60. Did anyone mention this guy had a headache?
Grissom: The flight attendant gave him two aspirin. Why?
Female coroner: He was suffering from undiagnosed encephalitis.
Grissom: Swelling of the brain.
Female coroner: It can register like a heart attack. Slurred speech, loss of vision. You throw in the altitude and the air pressure changes in the cabin, and our poor guy was probably out of his mind.
Grissom: Is that what killed him, encephalitis?
Female coroner: It wasn't the one thing. Ruptured spleen, intercranial bleeding, peticural hemorrhaging, and the guy's heart just stopped beating.
Grissom: A, B, C, D or All Of The Above. Standoff with the police -- guy gets shot in the chest, runs back into his burning house inhaling smoke as he goes. The roof collapses, the air conditioning unit falls on his head, he dies. What killed him?
[The CSI team and Brass are recreating the crime based on the different witness testimonies]
Grissom: Now Lou said that he was the peacemaker.
Brass: Peacemaker, my ass. [Shows three empty mini-bottles of whiskey] He's got three empties in the pouch, the seat reeks of whiskey; the guy probably spilled Lou's drink.
Catherine: Very good.
Brass: I was boss at CSI once, for a reason. So, Lou gets up and takes a swing at the guy. Well, after knocking three back at 30,000 feet, you know, he probably misses, so what does he get for his troubles?
Warrick: A CD swipe across the chops.
Brass: So, then he falls back–oh, maybe that's when he fell back and spilled his own drink.
Grissom: Now, by this time, Candelewell's got to be out of his seat, right?
Nick: You know, if I'm Max, I want no part of this. Plus, I don't have an aisle seat.
Brass: Yeah, but you're lucky: your wife's going to make sure you get into the playing field.
Warrick: Yeah, go ahead, honey. Save my life.
Nick: So Max gets up, goes across Marlene,[to Warrick] Excuse me, buttercup...
Sara: (realises where they are all standing) Guys (they all turn to look at her) If you jump a guy at the exit, he dies at the exit!
Brass: Yeah! (he moves the fake body to where Sara is standing) And our guy died five feet away.
Grissom: He tried to get away. But they wouldn't let him. And we're not individuals anymore we're a mob.
Nick: (nods) Oh yeah. (goes to stand next to Sara)
Grissom: If just one person had stopped and taken the time to look at the guy to listen to him, to figure out what was wrong with him it might not have happened. It took five people to kill him. It would have only taken one person to save his life.

Sex, Lies, and Larvae [1.10]

[edit]
Grissom: No, Sara's gonna work with me. You've got a missing person, Sheryl Applegate. Her husband notified the police that she took the car and headed to LA, but she never showed up. A few hours ago, the PD found her car at the bus station. They requested a CSI.
Nick: She took the bus instead, case solved. [grins]
Grissom: Well, right now, treat her car like a crime scene. [tilts his head to the side] Go.
Grissom: You've still got to convince a jury.
Sara: On guns. It's got to be better than bugs. Less Latin.
Sara: You're the one who's always saying it's better to have one piece of forensic evidence than ten eyewitnesses.
Grissom: What, do you tape everything I say?
Scott Shelton: [after Sara discovers blood that has been wiped clean off the wall] I have no idea how it got there.
Sara: Oh... How it got there was when you shot your wife in the head, wrapped her in a blanket and left her on the side of a mountain. Dead!
[points her finger in his face]
Scott Shelton: Get that finger out of my face bitch!
[they fight]
Brass: Stop! That's enough! [to Grissom] Get her under control!
Grissom: Get him out of here, Jim!
Scott Shelton: Told you she was a handful.
Sara: Oh, you don't know a handful!
Grissom: Hey, Sara, what's the matter with you?
Sara: I am a woman, and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife!
Grissom: You have empathy for her, Sara. You want someone to pay for what was done to her. That's normal.
Sara: You want to sleep with me?
Grissom: Did you just say what I think you did?
Sara: That way, when I wake up in cold sweat under the blanket, hearing Kaye's screams ... You can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy.
Brass: So, you planning a little late-night luau? Roast pig?
Grissom: It's an experiment. Maybe Kaye was dead five days.
Brass: I thought your bugs never made mistakes.
Grissom: They don't. People do. The victim was wrapped in a blanket. Normally a blanket or clothing doesn't impact insect maturation. The insects usually fight their way in anyway. But I examined the folds in Kaye's blanket. She was wrapped tight---maybe tighter than I realized---which would have decreased the corpse's exposure to insects
Brass: So it took longer for the insects to get in there?
Grissom: And deposit their eggs. Maybe two whole days. I've wrapped porky here pretty tight.
Brass: Well, let me ask you this. You killed a pig just for this?
Grissom: This poor ham was already on its way to someone's Christmas dinner table.
Brass: Wouldn't a rabbit be easier?
Grissom: Gotta be a pig. Interestingly, they're the most like humans.
Brass: Yeah, I've been saying that since I was a rookie. You're on your own, pal.
Sara: Any idea how long she's been dead?
Doc Robbins: The elements really got to her. Grissom and his insects are going to have to figure that one out. (Doc Robbins turns around and sees Grissom picking up a bug from the body) Have we lost you, Grissom?
Grissom: " The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout."
Sara: Shakespeare again?
Grissom: An old nursery rhyme.
Doc Robbins: A very special insect, Dr. Seuss?
Catherine: Hey, how's the body with the bugs?
Grissom: How do you know about that already? (he turns around and looks at Sara)
Sara: Hey, don't look at me.
Nick: We, uh, played a hunch; checked with homicide. You were late.
Sara: I hate bees.
Grissom: Just paper wasps. They're having too much fun to worry about us.
Sara: I never get used to this part, you know when the bugs get going.
Grissom: Just doing what god intended, recycling us back to the earth.
Brass: I ID'd her body through AFIS, and located her husband.
Grissom: Let me guess. Downtown? The Fremont District? (Brass looks disappointed)
Brass: You know, I'm not even going to ask.
(Warrick and Catherine are looking at the Sorenson painting and Nick walks in)
Nick: Hey.
Warrick: Hey.
Catherine: Nicky, how's it going?
Warrick: What's up?
Nick: Good, good. (he looks at the painting) Are you putting one of Lindsey's drawings into evidence? (Cath and Warrick laugh)
Catherine: If only her artwork brought in this kind of dough I wouldn't need to worry about her college tuition.
Nick: Yeah, I heard your missing person was a "painting".
Warrick: (scoffs) At least we solved our case.
Nick: Oh! (Nick puts a hand to his chest as if wounded)
Catherine: Keep walking. (Nick laughs and leaves the room)
Grissom: You've still got to convince a jury.
Sara: On guns. It's got to be better than bugs. Less Latin.
Sara: You're the one who said one piece of evidence is better than ten eyewitnesses.
Grissom: What do you tape everything I say?

I-15 Murders [1.11]

[edit]
Grissom: How ya doing Jim? How's your old job?
Brass: I can sling scum all day. You?
Grissom: I curse more.
Brass: Oh yeah? Well wait.
Grissom: [swipes a yellow substance that has dropped on the leg of a shopping cart and licks it]
Brass: Oh, that's sanitary.
Grissom: Mustard. [Glances behind, noticing jars of mustard stocked on the shelves] Did you have any clean-ups in this aisle today?
Store manager: Yeah, as a matter of fact, we did.
Grissom: Life holds no surprises. [Takes a jar of mustard from the shelf, checks the price and hands two dollars to the store manager] $1.98 for the mustard, plus my two cents. [Drops the jar at Brass' feet. The jar shatters, splattering mustard on Brass' shoes and pants]
Brass: What are you doing??
Grissom: Now, where do you go?
Grissom: [reading] I've killed 5 women...catch me if you can.
Grissom: Sara Sidle. 419. [Grissom hands the assignment sheet to Sara]
Sara: Ooo, dead body -- bonus.
Catherine: Whoa, somebody likes their job.
Grissom: Nick Stokes. 416, fight at the Bellagio. She says she's a friend of yours.
Catherine: Ex-girlfriend, Nick?
Nick: Well, that depends. Was she the assaulter or the assault-ee?
Sara: You tell us, you like leather or lace?
Nick: [chuckles] No, I'm not even going there. [turns to leave, but turns back] Lace! [Sara smiles]
Warrick: What's that?
Grissom: You...at the Monaco Casino.
Warrick: What? I don't believe this. Now you're pulling up film on me?
Grissom: Casinos tape everyone who walks through their door, Warrick, you know that. I thought we had a deal.
Warrick: We do.
Grissom: Look, what you do on your time is nobody's business. What you do on my time is my business. [Warrick sighs and sits down]
Warrick: I was at the casino. But I wasn't gambling. [Grissom sits and listens to what he has to say, screen cuts to a different scene]
Sara: Grissom reinstated you.
Warrick: And you have a problem with that.
Sara: Let me guess. Grissom gets you to dime yourself off and now you both feel better? You're supposed to be in court. Instead, you're placing bets for a cheap thrill to satisfy nothing.
Warrick: Hey! This has nothing to do with you. So are we going to work together...or not?
Sara: I'm already working.
Nick: I need your shirt.
Kristy: Why is it every time we meet you're wanting me to take my clothes off?
Nick: Because every time we meet you put yourself in a position where you have to take them off.
Brass: A kid from a crime lab doing favors for a hooker, can't make the unit look too good, huh, boss?
Grissom: Yeah, well, I'll get into it.
Brass: I bet that's just what Nicky said.
Catherine: [walking past them and toward the crime scene] You two ladies done talking? It's hot out here.
Brass: [Leads them to the body] Kid over there was taking a whiz on the side of the road, found the body.
Grissom: [Touches the body] And she's stiff...like a two-minute burrito that's only been nuked for a minute.
Brass: In this heat?
Greg: [about Kristy's shirt] Now, I've done this procedure on jeans and leather jackets but never on something like this. It's very see through. Very Jennifer Lopez.
Nick: Down boy.
Greg: It's going to be a tough one to prove. This is only step one. You see, when a person talks saliva naturally comes out of their mouth. Let's say that we're tossing the hog back and forth, right? [as he talks the camera makes note of the saliva that comes out of his mouth naturally in illustration of what he just said] What can you tell me about the hottie that goes inside this blouse, huh? Is it true she's a friend of yours?
Nick: What, is it on the internet?
Greg: Might as well be. Just remember that. My saliva is getting on you, your saliva is getting on me.
Nick: Gross. [Greg grabs a spray pump and sprays it on the paper] What's that stuff?
Greg: Starch and iodine. If this is saliva, we're going to get the old dalmatian effect. So, Nick, uh, if I wanted to meet this friend of yours...?
Nick: No.
Greg: Figured. [Greg sprays the paper] That's a pretty big spot. That's more than just a spray. In fact, looks like a distinct glob of spit.
Nick: Then Kristy was telling the truth. But it doesn't mean it was the security guard's spit.
Greg: Step three.
Nick: I'm going to need a sample.
Greg: Well, the guy knows he did it. He's not going to cough it up.
Nick: If you saw the girl that went with this blouse...you'd try.
[Nick walks into Grissom's office triggering his Big Mouth Billy Bass]
Grissom: That's my Big Mouth Billy Bass. It's better than a watch dog. I got some valuable stuff in here.
Nick: Yeah, I'm sure lots of people would want to steal your two headed scorpion and Miss Piggy.
Warrick: You just don't give up.
Sara: It's a flaw.
Sara: [storms in, angrily] You weren't in your office.
Grissom: And good morning to you too, Miss Sidle.
Sara: Warrick has a problem, ignoring it isn't going to make it go away. You asked for a report and then you completely ignored my recommendation!
Grissom: I read your report.
Sara: Then at least take him off my case.
Grissom: No. I trust him. Do you trust me?
Catherine: You know how you're always pushing that Holy Trinity stuff?
Grissom: Father, son and Holy Ghost?
Catherine: Victim, suspect and crime scene.
Grissom: Oh, that one.
Grissom: You don't have a worry that technology is gonna make us obsolete?
Catherine: No.
Warrick: You're a CSI, Sara. You saw me enter the casino, did you ever see me place a bet?
Sara: You're telling me you didn't?
Warrick: I don't need to tell you anything... [Sighs] I went to the casino to collect a debt that was owed to me. We're on the same team. Next time, why don't you try talking to me, instead of going around behind my back?

Fahrenheit 932 [1.12]

[edit]
Jail Inmate: Yo Grissom! [hits the inmate next to him] This guy is the reason I'm in here. A shoe print! [to Grissom] Yo next time I go barefoot!
Grissom: Even better, footprints.
Grissom: The space heater overloaded the circuit causing a spark to ignite the kerosene.
Frank: Can you prove it? In court?
Grissom: The evidence can.
Grissom: You son of a bitch. You swept my crime scene. You sent cleanup!
Ecklie: I didn't send anyone. It's been on the books for months.
Grissom: So you knew, and did nothing about it even with a man's life on the line?
Ecklie: If you'd have checked the docket like everybody else you would've known what was happening. Coffee? (Ecklie holds the pot out to Grissom, Grissom hits the pot out of Ecklie's hand, it flies across the room and breaks against the door) Guess you don't want cream with that. (Ecklie leaves. Grissom notices the broken glass, and how the coffee drips on to it from the door, he makes the connection with this and the melted glass from the bedroom closet at the crime scene)
Grissom: (smiles) Thanks, Ecklie.
Grissom: Until we can explain why there was gasoline in the bedroom closet the charges stand.
Frank: Then I guess I'm a dead man.
Ecklie: What the hell are you doing?
Grissom: Something you probably should have done.
Ecklie: (scoffs) You're checking for faulty wiring? Waste of time, Gil. Fire started on the floor in the closet not in the wires in the wall.
Grissom: Look ... if this wire burned from the inside out then the fire started in the wall not on the closet floor. Discoloration throughout the conductor. It burned from the inside out. The cause of this fire was an electrical overload in the wall.
Eclie: All right, you say wall, I say floor. We differ on points of origin. The jury's only going to hear one word: Gasoline.
Grissom: Speaking of which ... where's your accelerant analysis work?
Ecklie: I personally swabbed the closet floor. Found traces of hydrocarbon chains confirming gasoline. Leave it alone, Gil. The DA agrees with me on this.
Grissom: Too many unanswered questions, Conrad. This case should not be going to trial yet.
Ecklie: No, there's only one unanswered question. Why was there accelerant in the closet? Only one person knows. And that's why he's looking at the death penalty.
Grissom: You tried to save your family, but that doesn't mean that you didn't start the fire. Are you lying about that, too?
Frank: You tell me.
Grissom: I will.
Grissom: Nothing harder to investigate than arson. If the fire hasn't ruined your crime scene...
Sara: ... The firemen have.
Grissom: Yeah.

---

Frank: You're not going to help me?
Grissom: I'll take your case. I don't know whether I'll help you or not.
Frank: Now, if there was gasoline in our closet someone else put it there. Find them.
Grissom: I don't chase criminals, Mr. Damon. I just evaluate evidence.
Frank: So, you're the Grissom they wrote about in the newspaper? I thought you'd be older.
Grissom: Why did you contact me, Mr. Damon?
Frank: Arson specialist gave me your name. Well, six of them, actually. They all turned my case down. Will you help me?
Grissom: Fires are very complicated.
Frank: It wasn't too complicated for the guy who put me in here. (Grissom stares at him for a moment) You think if you stare at me long enough, you can tell if I'm innocent?
Grissom: I don't mean to stare ... but, yes, I can learn some things. For instance, the back of your hands are smooth. You read a lot. You have indentation marks on your nose from reading glasses. Your speech tells me that you're well-educated. Your occupation's not listed in the file, but I think that you had a white-collar job.
Frank: (nods) Paper-pusher for the phone company.
Catherine: The prisoner plea. Brass told me about the video.
Grissom: Yeah. If we take the case we have very little time to work it. The trial starts in three days.
Sara: How did he find you? 1-800 Grissom ...? (Nick laughs)
Catherine: Wait a minute. Ecklie was the CSI on that arson. I see a bad moon rising.
Warrick: Can a CSI take over another CSI's case?
Catherine: Only if they're of equal rank and they're looking for trouble.
Grissom: No trouble. We're both colleagues searching for the truth.
Grissom: I was supposed to pass out some supervisor evaluation forms. Where are they?
Catherine: (grabs the papers and beings to hand them out) Here they are.
Nick: (smiles) Mmm. Get to rate the boss. I dig this.
Catherine: Give him a perfect ten or your ass is out of here.
Grissom: No, it's not. (Sara laughs)
Catherine: Am I disturbing you?
Grissom: Yeah.
Catherine: Good. (Grissom looks up to see everyone standing there waiting for their assignments)
Grissom: Do I seem like the kind of guy who skips stuff?
Sara: So, Ecklie's conclusion of gasoline wasn't based on any physical evidence. It was based on Damon's credit card receipts.
Grissom: I can't fault him for that. The burn pattern is consistent with a gasoline accelerant.
Sara: But, hydrocarbons are found in all kinds of things: Oils ... kerosene, polyethylene-based compounds like laxatives-- even the foam used in push-up bras.
Warrick: Yeah. Under the right conditions, any hydrocarbon can be an accelerant. (this perks Grissom up now that he has something to go on)
Grissom: (to Sara) Thank you. Warrick, you're driving. (Sara smiles at Grissom)
Warrick: You ever worry about professional suicide?
Grissom: Not while I'm commiting it, no.
Brass: An innocent man. Jail's full of them.
Grissom: It only takes one.
Grissom: What are you so afraid of, Conrad? We're just a couple of science geeks. Why can't we work together?
Ecklie: No, we are public servants. We investigate cases as efficiently as we can and then we move on. We're not a clearinghouse for defendants on the eve of trial who don't like what we've turned up.
Grissom: Yes, we are.. if it's our mistake that put them there.
Ecklie: Fine. Spin your wheels.
Sara: Why would there be glass in the middle of the hot spot?
Grissom: Good question.
Warrick: Who cares? The guy torched his wife and kid.
Grissom: Really? Where's the trailing? An arsonist would spread the gasoline around to maximize the burn area.
Sara: He still did the job.
Grissom: Listen, you guys. You're like Dodger fans. The ball game's only in the seventh inning and you're already out of your seats.
Brass: What's this? An anonymous package from county lockup? (Grissom starts opening the package) Yeah, well, hey, just a second. Wait a minute. Give an innocent bystander a chance to clear out, will you?
Grissom: What are you worried about?
Brass: One minute, I'm eating tomato salad. The next ... I'm gazpacho. (Grissom opens the package and finds a video tape inside) With any luck it'll be the next episode of G-String Divas.
Nick: (evaluating Grissom) Organization... minus one.
Grissom: Damon opened the door. He lied.
Warrick: So what happens now?
Grissom: We chase the lie, 'til it leads to the truth.

Boom [1.13]

[edit]
Brass: There's been another fourth of July.
Sara: He's been out of work ever since.
Grissom: Sittin' around makin' bombs..
Catherine: Oh, these fire guys really know how to trash a crime scene.
Grissom: That's what they do. Put wet stuff on the red stuff.
[Grissom studies the pieces under the scope. There's ticking sounds coming from around him. Suddenly, an alarm rings. Grissom looks up]
Sara: Hey. (the alarm continues to ring annoyingly)
Grissom: Could you find that and turn it off, please? (Sara checks the clocks on the table, then finds it and turns it off. The alarm stops ringing. She picks up another clock)
Sara: Find the clock our guy used?
Grissom: (sighs): Not yet.
Sara: This is a good choice. According to the bomb data center which has a record of every component used in any bomb -- from Ted Kaczynski to teenage boys playing with fireworks -- the most recent timing device of choice is made by TimeTell SnoozeWell, $10.99 at any local drugstore. (she hands him the clock)
Grissom: You spoiled all my fun. (Grissom starts to take apart the clock and Warrick walks in)
Warrick': Gris, can I get something clear here?
Grissom: Anything's possible.
Warrick: Catherine gave me this "FP" which was part of the Hansen bomb and I'm supposed to figure out what tool the bomber used to engrave it.
Grissom: You isolate the tool, and then we trace it.
Warrick: Yeah, but he could've used any number of things to initial it. I mean, screwdriver, a drill bit, a box cutter.
Grissom: It's the same as guns-- we eliminate them one at a time.
Warrick: *sigh* So what are you guys up to?
Sara: We're off to blow up some bombs
Warrick: Oh i definitely got the wrong end of this case!
Grissom: [Playing off Shakespeare's Hamlet] Alas, poor Warrick!
Catherine: Sheriff, you arrest Nick now you end his career.
Sheriff Mobley: So, what can you offer me?
Catherine: Nothing, except my gut and ten years of experience. He didn't do this.
Ecklie: Ignore the evidence against Stokes it looks like special favors for CSI.
Sheriff Mobley: Well, I can't have that. Not and keep my post.
Catherine: So give me twelve hours, access to the crime scene and evidence without filing papers on Nick.
Sheriff Mobley: Twelve hours. But then we arrest Mr. Stokes with all the attendant documentation.
(Jack sits at the table in the room. In the observation room, Catherine and Ecklie watch)
Catherine: I ran priors. The guy's got an '88 conviction for sexual assaults.
Ecklie: (smugly) Boy, if I ever get in trouble, I know which CSI I'm going to.
Catherine: Let's watch the show.
Catherine: Hey, Nick ... I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
Nick: Who told you?
Catherine: Word travels. It was the day shift coroner.
Nick: So people know I was with Kristy last night?
Catherine: (looks at Grissom with a questioning look) Not yet.
Nick: Maybe I should just go to Ecklie and tell him I was there.
Grissom: When you're a suspect and you're innocent, keep your mouth shut. I'll talk to Ecklie.
Catherine: Bad idea. You and Ecklie ... oil and water. Just let me get into it.
Grissom: (looking at the victim) The Van Gogh effect... in stereo. Both ears gone.
Catherine': A perfectly symmetrical amputation. Means he was looking directly at the bomb when it went off.
Grissom: So either it drew his attention or it was contained in something that seemed benign.
Catherine: Who? Why? Will he do it again? Only time will tell.
Brass: (to Sara and Grissom, who are trying to identify the pipe used in the bombings) Don't you love the smell of sulfur in the afternoon?
Grissom: I can't tell whether he's brilliant or nuts.
Brass: Sound familiar?
Grissom: You told me you weren't dating her.
Nick: I wasn't till last night after I broke up her fight with this guy, uh... Jack.
Grissom: And Ecklie's at her house now.
Nick: Yeah, and I can tell you what he's going to find. My fingerprints; my DNA.
Grissom: What were you thinking, Nicky?
Nick: I wasn't.
Catherine: The sperm from the condom was frozen at 10:15 am. It's all heads, no tails.
Grissom: I'm not quite up to speed about the preticulars of....
Catherine: It takes about 7 hours for bacteria to eat away at the tails, that places time of ejaculation at around 2am. But Kristy's death was at around 6am.
Grissom: Well, that suggests a lag between ejaculation and Kristy's murder. But that doesn't disprove Nick's presence at the time of the homocide.
Catherine: You could be a little more supportive.
Greg:(Looking at Nick's sperm) Nick's little soldiers.
Ecklie: I need a DNA sample from you, Nick.
Nick: I assume you're trying to prove Kristy Hopkins and I were sexually active last night.
Ecklie: We found a condom, used.
Nick: And my DNA will match, no warrant necessary. And I have something else for you. (Nick hands Ecklie a piece of paper with writing on it) I got this off a valet surveillance tape.
Ecklie: A license plate number?
Nick: Vehicle belongs to Jack Willman. Had a fight with Kristy Hopkins outside the Orpheus last night around midnight.
Ecklie: Well, I'll look into it but come on-- your fingerprints, your DNA, that's what's going into evidence.
Nick: You just love that, don't you?
Ecklie: You think I want to believe a CSI could commit murder? Hell I don't even want to believe that a CSI could sleep with a hooker.
Catherine: You know what? Nick's private life...
Ecklie: Is no longer private. (beat) Catherine, I'm sorry if you guys don't like where the evidence is pointing. But show me otherwise-- tell me I'm wrong. In the meantime, my hands are tied. I have protocol to follow. (leaves)
Nick: (to Cath) I hate that guy.
Greg: I would never doubt your word.
Catherine: Smart man.
Catherine: I think we'd better head over to the police station.
Nick: (who is suspected of murdering Kristy) DNA didn't pan out huh?
Catherine: Never have I seen such a clean match. Jack Willman killed her.
Nick: Thank you. (he hugs her)
Catherine: Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides if they'd sent you to jail I'd get stuck with all your cases. (Nick laughs)
Sara: I ran a Lexis search looking for disgruntled employees, irate customers anyone with a grievance against thrift-right.
Grissom': You get any hits?
Sara: Norman Stirling -- former manager.
Grissom: How disgruntled?
Sara: Let go last year. Caused a commotion at HQ. Filed lawsuits against the company. He's been out of work ever since.
Grissom: Sittin' around, makin' bombs.

To Halve and to Hold [1.14]

[edit]
Teri Miller: It's kind of like that old saying: 'How a person does one thing is...
Grissom:... how a person does everything.'

(They may have found a piece of bone and Grissom sticks it in his mouth)

Catherine: (alarmed) What are you doing?
Grissom: Bones are porous. They stick to the tongue (puts piece in mouth again) and this doesn't stick. (puts it back down) It's a piece of rock.
Catherine: I-I hope you had your hepatitis B shot. (Grissom gets up and starts searching for more bones, Catherine follows) Did you? (Cuts to Grissom and Catherine walking toward a cadet, who may have found a piece of bone)
Grissom: Could be a piece of wrist bone.
Catherine: Well, do you want to suck on it? To be sure?
Sara: [Referring to a victim's vagina] It DOES tell a monologue.
Sara: So, ladies of the wedding party, you get a free course in the forensics of sexual intercourse. Secrets of our trade. Lynn, when you had your exam for sexual assault a SART nurse makes a clock like this. (turns around and picks up a piece of chalk to illustrate on the blackboard) This is the vagina. It does tell a monologue. Some bruising is normal when sex occurs. Injuries at 11:00 ... 12:00 or 1:00 indicate consensual sex or what we would call "avid." Injuries around the dinner hour ... five, six, or seven, indicate forced entry. The woman hasn't done anything to help her partner thus sustaining serious bruising.
Sgt. O'Riley: Sidle, I'm going to be just outside the door.
Greg: Skeletal muscle of Mel Bennett. It goes in... contents come out. In 30 seconds.. bioassay. I like saying that word. Bioassay. Sounds nubian.
Catherine: So, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Grissom: How amazing the universe is. Everything made from the same carbon, stars to trees, trucks to human bones.
Catherine: Uh, no, I was thinking that we have about 100 bone fragments. We could ID this body before the end of the shift.
Grissom: Hmm.
Catherine: Stars and trucks?
Catherine:(About a bone that was found in the desert) Well, it is a leg bone and my guess is that it didn't walk out here by itself.
Grissom: It could have been a hiker who got lost. It's interesting to me how you always expect the worst.
Catherine: You see, that way I'm never disappointed. And sometimes I'm nicely surprised. So, is this a crime scene?
Grissom: Potential crime scene. Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body?
Catherine: Yes professor. I, too, took osteology.
Grissom: Well, 205 more bones and we have a complete skelton. If we find the rest then we can determine if or if not it was a murder.
Catherine: Well, I feel it in everyone of my 206 bones that this was a murder.

Table Stakes [1.15]

[edit]
Catherine: [To Grissom, who is staring in awe at a group of showgirls who pass by] Close your mouth.
[Warrick is unhappy about Catherine assigning him to a different case]
Catherine: 419 at The Sphere, glass elevator. You're on it.
Warrick: This is a big case. I'm in a groove here.
Catherine: Well, groove on down to the Strip.
Warrick: Whatever happened to "You cross the tape, you go the distance"?
Catherine: I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.
Catherine: You want to take that thing off your head, Greg? It's evidence.
Greg: Cool your jets, Cath. I already got all the evidence out of it. Now, it's all woman. Did you ever wear one of these when you were dancing?
Catherine: I wore nothing but skin.
Greg: Ooh.(standing behind Greg is Grissom. Catherine sees Grissom and clears her throat. Greg turns around and finds himself face to face with Grissom. He takes the headpiece off of his head and reports) I, uh, compared the DNA from the tooth with hair follicles found inside the headdress. I think we have a match, sir. And I think we may have a homicide. Excuse me. (Greg steps back into his lab. Catherine suppresses a grin and looks at Grissom) [edit]

(Warrick has just gone in a pool to collect evidence)

Nick: (laughing) Marco? (Warrick dives under the water and gets the evidence and comes back up)
Warrick: Polo.
Nick: (teasing) You want to get out of there, sir? Pool closed at sundown.
Catherine: (joining in on teasing) Can I get you a towel, sir? (Warrick gets out of the pool)
Warrick: (dryly): Yeah, please.
Sara: (Sara's mad after getting called into work on her day off) What am I? Working food and beverage at one of the hotels? I haven't had a day off in three weeks. I mean if they're gonna call me in at least throw me a bone. Gimme the 419 on the elevator.
Nick: Someone's bitter.
Sara: I'm tired!
Nick: You? Tired? I thought you never sleep. (Sara fakes a yawn, Nick chuckles) Nice, nice. (they walk into DNA and Greg's blasting music)
Nick: What up, G?
Sara: You're awake. I hate you.
Greg: Couple glasses of Merlot, a rack of lamb on my day off. I slept like a baby yesterday. You look horrible.
Sara: Thanks, Greg. (Greg looks at Nick)
Nick: Don't look at me. I got 'sunshine' all night. (Nick glances over at Sara who glares back at him, definitely catching exactly who he's calling "sunshine") Check for DNA in the sexual assault kit and the fingernail, please.
Sara: Everything has to be in CODIS ASAP.
Greg: Oh, is that all? I want to know who's going to authorize my overtime?
Sara: Suck it up, Greg. You're well-rested. (walks away)
Greg: (to Nick) You want a valium for her?
Sara: I heard that!
Sara: This Chilean sea bass is excellent.
Catherine: So is this.
Sara: Okay, you got your missing widow. Her bloody tooth found in her own bedroom which is currently occupied by two moes.
Brass: "Moes." I'm rubbing off on you. (Brass steals a bite of Sara's food)
Sara: No, you're not, and stay away from my seabass.
Dancer: Hi. Do you need a hand with that?
Grissom: Uh... no, thanks. I'll be fine.
Dancer: Are you a doctor?
Grissom: Of sorts. I'm just, um... looking around.
Dancer: See anything you like?
Grissom: Yes. I do. (he picks up a music box, the dancer walks away)
Grissom: Catherine? (he opens the box and it play music) Tchaikovsky's "Waltz of the Flowers". (he looks underneath the music box and grins)
Catherine: What? Why are you smiling?
Grissom: It's playing our song.
Grissom: (finding a tooth in the fireplace)I think the tooth fairy might have just left us a piece of Portia Richmond.
Grissom: (angry) Are you looking for work?
Nick: I just...
Grissom: The sign says, "Do Not Enter," Nick. You can't read anymore? You're blind? What?
Nick: Grissom, this is important.
Grissom: (furious) This is important. Sometimes in interrogations, Nick, you get one chance, one answer. And while I'm out here screwing around with you he's in there thinking up an answer that he didn't have before you walked in.
Nick: We matched the DNA taken from Lacey Duvall to a cold case in Texas ten years ago.
Grissom: And?
Nick: The suspect's name was Chad Matthews.
Grissom: C.M. The cuff link. Okay, I'm starting to forgive you.
Nick: Sara ran Patrick Haynes' social. The real Haynes is deceased. So Patrick Haynes is Chad Matthews and Chad Matthews is on the run.
Grissom: And he just ran into us.
Grissom: Have you got the DNA results from the fingernail Catherine found?
Greg: Yeah. They're not a match to Patrick Haynes.
Grissom: I never figured a man for the fingernail, Greg.
Greg: But this is where you break out the can of creep repellent. Half of the DNA markers are in common.
Grissom: A possible first degree relative?
Warrick:(About fingerprints in an elevator) It's like the Circle Bar on a Friday night - three million people on top of each other.

(Nick hands Sara a cup of coffee)

Sara: No, I can't drink any more coffee. My body clock is so screwed up. I just want a steak and a shot.
Nick: Tut's Tomb, steak and eggs $1.99.
Sara: Food?
Nick: Mmhmm.
Sara: Good idea. You're on.
Greg: (runs in the room) It's what I live for. You guys are not gonna believe this. You ready?
Sara: So much for the steak, I'll take the coffee.
Catherine: Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.
Sara: She's dead.
Catherine: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara: Really? How would you know?
Nick: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine: What's that?
Nick: "What do you drive?"
Sara: It's a honest question.
Nick: No it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".
Grissom: The Old Testament? The book of Jonah? And the Lord arranged for a fish to swallow up Jonah. You know what the problem with the piranha, though? They have high cholesterol.
Catherine: Cholesterol is found in humans, not fish. So how does a fish acquire human cholesterol?

(They catch the couple having sex)

Catherine: Caught in the act.
Grissom: I think that was the point.
Catherine: Oh yeah.
Brass: I hate having lunch with you CSIs, you notice everything.

Too Tough to Die [1.16]

[edit]
Grissom: If you try and chase two rabbits you end up losing them both.
Grissom: Every day we meet people on the worst day of their lives.
Sara: I wish I were like you, I wish I didn't feel anything.
Sara: [To Grissom] What type of system rewards the killer, when the victim is too tough to die?
Grissom:What do you do for fun?
Sara:I chase rabbits...
Sara: I don't like anything ... I read crime books and I listen to my scanner.
Eddie: ...By taking our daughter to dinner.
Catherine: Get over here.
Eddie: Come on, what? What?
Catherine: Just so pathetic.
Eddie: What?
Catherine: Just so pathetic.
Eddie: Watch it, Cath.
Catherine: Sucking up to our daughter 'cause I caught you robbing me.
Eddie: The only thing I ever robbed you of was good sex.
Catherine: No sex is worth you and you are not taking my daughter to a club with one of your music whores.
Eddie: Oh they are whores? When I met you, you were taking your clothes off in a strip club.
Catherine: It was a job Ed and it supported you just like every job I had, including this one.
Eddie: And who paid you to close up your nose?
Grissom: Let go of her.
Grissom: Catherine?
Catherine: Just keep him out of here.
Grissom: [to Eddie] I don't wanna ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business, you understand?
Eddie: I always knew you two had a thing.
Grissom: Go home Eddie.
Eddie: Sure.

Face Lift [1.17]

[edit]
Grissom: I think our robbery suspect just became our homicide victim
Catherine: Well that's one way to avoid the rap.
Grissom: I have a question
Teri: Ok?
Grissom: Since I screwed up our last date, would we ever have dinner again?
Teri: Oh we'll have dinner... just not together.
Sara: Interesting voicemail you left me
Warrick: What's that?
Sara: Meet me behind CSI and bring a night gown? I'll wear it for you but uh, I prefer pajamas.
Grissom: I hear that Greg found uranium on the swab from Felton's skull.
Nick: Yeah. He says I'm okay, but you know Greg. Tell me, am I radiating a green glow?

$35K O.B.O. [1.18]

[edit]
Nick: Pulled a couple of hairs off of our male stabbing vic.
Greg: Okay. Baby. Uh-huh.
Nick: What?
Greg: Nine lives.
Nick: Cat hair?
Greg: Meow.
Nick: Hey, Greg.
Greg: Shh. I might be looking at the mother of my children here.
Nick: Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.
Greg: No, this is serious. I had a date last night. And this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just, BAM. Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent. And she smells so good.
Nick: Cute toes?
Greg: Oh, ideal. And none longer than the big toe. Both feet. But you know I need to know what is on the inside.
Nick: What's in her heart?
Greg: No, her DNA. This girl has got some fine epithelials.
Nick: Dude, you're sick. Man, you have officially lost it.
Greg: There's a guy in Louisville, he charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.
Nick: Whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee? Letting the relationship evolve. Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.
Greg: Oh that's boring.
Grissom: You know what they say about looks.
Brass: They can be deceiving?
Grissom: They can kill.
Catherine: (annoyed) Am I almost at "ground zero"?
Consuction worker: Almost. About ten more feet. Uh, then you should be in the laundry room. You should have more headroom, too.
Catherine: I feel like I'm crawling through a straw! (Groans as she passes through a small gap and the construction worker closes his eyes in pleasure the Catherine notices a beetle) Sweet!
Construction worker: What? What is it?
Catherine: Are you getting this?
Construction worker: What is that? A roach?
Catherine: I'm not an entomolygist but (swivels round to a more comfertable position) I know one! He can tell us! (the building starts falling some more so she covers her head forgetting she has a hardhat on) Ahh! (looks up at the "ceiling") I thought you said this building was secure!
Construction worker: It is secure. Just hang on. The daily "sorties". I think it was an F-16!
Catherine: Nellis Air Force Base!
Alan Rich: So you really pulled this out of a corpse?
Sara: Yeah ... but I cleaned it for you.
Brass: We need to know the make of that knife.
Alan Rich: Well, it's not a knife. The tip's double-edged. Bevels on both sides, downward slope. This came from a dagger which means it's either carbon steel or stainless steel. I get asked this question more than you think. (He pulls out a lemon juice squirt container and puts a few drops on the tip of the knife.)
Sara: (explains to a very confused Brass) Acid in the lemon juice should react to carbon steel, but not stainless steel.
Alan Rich: How's a cop know all this?
Sara: (smiles) He's the cop. I'm the scientist.
Brass: I got a cop question. What are we looking for here?
Alan Rich: Dark spots. (The tip has dark spots on it.)
Sara: Carbon steel. What's next?
Alan Rich: Length. (Alan turns and looks for something behind the counter. He comes back with a piece of paper and a ruler.) Daggers are rarely more than an inch at the base. We got the tip. So, we can fill in the rest. It's basic geometry.(Placing the tip on the piece of paper, he extends the tip of the dagger to estimate how long the weapon used was. It's five inches. Top row, five-inch daggers, carbon steel.(He reaches into the display case and takes out a dagger to show them.) This is the one you want. $24.99. We don't take credit cards.
Brass: Yeah.
Grissom: (Grissom examines the bug Catherine took from the collapsed building. Grissom looks at the bug in the container while Catherine looks through the camera footage taken earlier on the computer monitor.) An anobiid powder-post beetle. Very nice specimen.
Catherine: He likes you, too. Now, tell me about him.
Grissom: Your building collapsed.
Catherine: You assigned me the case. You already know that.
Grissom: Well, this little guy confirms it. This species of beetle eats softwood. Tell me about the building.
Catherine: The frame's made of Douglas Fir.
Grissom: A delicacy.
Catherine: I did find more than a bug. Dry rot, questionable repairs, a jittery Engineer. And check this out. (She turns the monitor to the side to show Grissom.)
Grissom: Forget the beetle; this damage was intentional. You're looking for a homosapien.
Catherine: I know. Gives new meaning to "home wrecker."
Grissom: Catherine, there's a reason I assigned you this case. You're good with people, both the dead and the living.
Catherine: Translation: We're opening a political can of worms. The mayor's involved, an election's around the corner and you could've clued me in a little earlier. (Grissom looks back at the beetle in the container. He turns eagerly to Catherine.)
Grissom: Can I keep him?
Catherine: Sorry. It's evidence.
Grissom: Don't forget to feed him. (He hands the container back to Catherine.)
Catherine: I know...wood.
Catherine: (to a worker) Where's the District Engineer?
Worker: (points) He's over there!
Catherine: (sarcastically) Follow the tie!
District Engineer: I'm the only District Engineer!
Catherine: Then it looks bad for you! (later) Well if a boat sinks...the last person to check for leaks was negligent!

Gentle, Gentle [1.19]

[edit]
Warrick: I'm all over it like a cheap suit.
Grissom: Have you let anyone else touch this note? Police, a relative, anyone?
Dad: No, just us. Why?
Grissom: Well, because the person who touched it before you has your son, and he's just left us the first piece of the puzzle.
Catherine: A guy cheats, but the wife commits murder. How come moms always end up the bad guy with you Freud types?
Brass: Geez. Haven't these people ever heard of divorce?
Sara: You told me a few weeks ago that nothing is personal. No victim should be special. Everyone follows your lead.
Grissom: Everyone didn't find that baby. I did. And that little boy is dead because someone lost their temper or screwed up, or god knows what. So, excuse me, but this victim is special.
[After getting punched in the head by a paparazzo]
Catherine: [Hands him an ice pack] Ice.
Grissom: I don't need this.
Catherine: Just do it.
[Grissom holds the ice pack on his head]
Catherine: You're an average family, burdened with a tragedy that put you under a microscope. That close, nobody can look good.

Sounds of Silence [1.20]

[edit]
[Grissom walks in with Dr. Gilbert, the female president of the School for the Deaf]
Sara: So that's why Grissom's late.
Warrick: You just don't like other women in his life.
Sara: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
[Grissom wouldn't tell them how he learned sign language]
Sara: [coming into the room] What was that all about? Grissom signs?
Warrick: What does Grissom drink when he goes out at night?
Sara: He goes out?
Warrick: Exactly. Who knows anything about that guy?
Greg: I am the man.
Warrick: Why, what'd you do? Let me guess, you ran a DNA profile on the blood from the dead guy's knuckles and you got a match?
Greg: No.
Grissom: You ran a DNA profile and something very distinctive popped up?
Greg: Not quite.
Warrick: You made it out of bed and you dressed yourself?
Greg: ...no.
Greg: Squirrels love 'em ... they get tossed at Dodger Stadium and they make a hell of a butter.
Sara: You're nuts. You know that.
Greg: Exactamundo. Peanuts!
Catherine: You missed the deadline. No Chicago for me.
Grissom: Oh, Catherine...
Catherine: This is the one meeting I needed to attend. I don’t always want to be second banana. I can probably do your job. I know that I can do Ecklie’s.
Grissom: I forgot. I’m so sorry.
Catherine: Make sure to submit the paperwork by the end of the day.
Grissom: I thought you said that it was too late.
Catherine: Well, I knew you’d forget so I upped the deadline — gave you a buffer. Don’t forget again.

Justice Is Served [1.21]

[edit]
[Catherine and Sara have just seized a carnival as evidence and Sara is grinning madly]
Catherine: [annoyed] What?
Sara: Well, this is fun.
Catherine: As opposed to...?
Sara: A more scientific approach.
Dr. Hillridge: Tell me, Mr. Grissom, how does a man choose death as his profession?
Grissom: It chose me, actually.
Dr. Hillridge: I guess one man's corpse is another man's candy. Care for a sip? Full of folacin.
Dr. Hillridge: You have one more question. How could I consume raw organs? Not morally -- aesthetically. I dried them and ground them into powder.
Grissom: Protein powder.
Dr. Hillridge: You want an empirical experience...I've got a fresh one [protein powder shake made from human organs] in my fridge.
[Grissom looks away. An officer leads Dr. Hillridge away]
Officer: She is nuts, right?
Grissom: She's a cold blooded killer.
Dr. Hillridge: Mr. Grissom. You're looking grim. I'm afraid I don't have a supplement for that.
Grissom: We found blood in your kitchen blender. The lab has matched it to the dead jogger.
Dr. Hillridge: It had to happen eventually.
Grissom: Why?
Dr. Hillridge: You're the scientist. I should have thought you'd figured that out.
Grissom: I haven't.
Dr. Hillridge: Think of the bugs, Grissom. Cycle of life. Angels versus insects. When we die the fable we tell ourselves is we go toward a white light and angels. But you and I both know the hard reality is that insects arrive immediately and begin turning us back to earth.
Grissom: Yes. But the insects haven't killed anyone.
Dr. Hillridge: No. But they'd die if they didn't have bodies to feed off of. And so will I. ... Porphyria.
Grissom: The madness of King George.
Dr. Hillridge: Or the Legend of the Vampire. Which makes it a real hard disease to have. But it's real for me.
Grissom: It's genetic.
Dr. Hillridge: The only thing my father ever gave me. The first time it presented was after a minor sunburn. My lips receded -- so did my gums. I increased my glucose intake and I was fine ... for a while. I began a drug regimen but they only treated the symptoms. I had my spleen removed because it absorbed my blood. But nothing helped. Lesions started forming on my face. That's when I bought my first dog. Bullets and poison leave residue in the blood. Dogs kill clean. Imagine what I'd look like by now without them.
Grissom: You could've tried intravenous hematin.
Dr. Hillridge: Human blood is the richest source of heme.
Grissom: And so you extracted the organs with the most blood-- the liver, the spleen, the heart.
Dr. Hillridge': If you lock me up, I'll go mad.
Grissom: Unfortunately, a symptom of your condition. But you've been killing people, doctor.
Dr. Hillridge: I'll die in prison.
Grissom: Yes, but the people you'd be feeding off of will still be alive. Cycle of life.
Sara: The only person who could have done it, then is the person that was in the car with her, the mother.
Catherine: Her eyes were pointing in the wrong direction.
Sara: (shakes her head) I'm sorry. What?
Catherine: Carla Dantini was looking left when she told me about the accident. When a person is remembering, they look right and when they're creating, they look left.
Sara: And by creating, you mean fabricating. Neurolinguistics programming, human behavioral science.
Catherine: Call Brass and tell him to meet us at the mother's house.
Catherine: You're going to enter this as a homicide, right?
Doc Robbins: Technically, it's somewhere between accidental and undetermined.
Catherine: It's a homicide. I'm going to get your proof. So write down that "accidental" in pencil.
Grissom: You said that you were a doctor. May I ask your specialty?
Dr. Hillridge: Nutrition. My patients are mostly professional athletes.
Grissom: Do you ever consult with amateur athletes? Like marathoners?
Dr. Hillridge: You mean like that jogger? What was his name?
Grissom: Terry Manning.
Dr. Hillridge: Doesn't ring a bell. And I'm very good with names, Mr. Grissom. You'll let me know when I can pick up Simba.
Grissom: You're assuming a lot.
Dr. Hillridge: So are you.
Grissom: Catherine. (Catherine looks at Grissom and doesn't say anything. He notices that she walked out of his office) What are you doing?
Catherine: The carnival case. I'm taking it.
Grissom: The carnival case?
Catherine: A six-year-old girl died on a ride at the carnival over on Washington. The paperwork's on your desk.
Grissom:(nods and glances at his office behind her) Did you straighten up my office while you were in there?
Catherine: You think I overstepped? ... These people come to town, they commit crimes and they leave. I just want to get there before the carnival moves on.
Grissom: Okay. Take Sara with you.
Catherine: She's meeting me there.
Catherine: So you did the tox screen on my carny?
Greg: Roger that. You know, I have seen guys drink, like, five gallons of water to try and dilute their urine. It's the old straight flush. But all bad boy Sanders has to do is just test their specific gravity and-- blammo! -- I can still catch their toxic butts.
Catherine: Mm-hmm. So?
Greg: So your guy didn't do that.
Catherine: Great. What did he do? Try and mask it?
Greg: No.
Catherine: Oh, come on. That creep tested clean?
Greg: Yeah. For someone who's on the pill.
Nick: Man, do you turn it on like this at your seminars?
Grissom: People actually pay to go to my seminars, Nick. We've I.D.'d the dog.
Nick: Well, if he's got bits of jogger hanging out of his mouth, cuff him.
Greg: You know, most dogs have 42 teeth but, as you've discovered, your Cujo only has 41. Woof-woof.
Grissom: Did you ever hear a dog say "woof-woof," Greg? I mean, what is the origin of that? And what do we sound like to them, I wonder.
Greg: I don't know. Probably blah, blah, blah.
Catherine: Oh, before you came to Nevada you should have looked up the law. Mandatory drug testing wherever there's been an accident. Pee now, and don't tell me you're shy. (to an officer) Stay on him.
Sara: Mandatory drug testing?
Catherine: Yeah, well, there should be.

(Nick and Warrick are collecting dog scat)

Warrick: This sucks! But it's evidence, right?
Nick: No, hair and fiber is evidence, Warrick. This is combat duty.
Warrick: Mountain lions are brutal.
Grissom: And smart... this one evidently knows how to use a scalpel.
Grissom:(Grissom admits to a mistake) What?
Nick: Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong.
Grissom: I'm wrong all the time. That's how eventually I get to "right".

Evaluation Day [1.22]

[edit]
Grissom: [Looking at detached head] It means 6 - 8 hours ago someone lost their head and then... someone lost their head.
[Grissom and Catherine are examining a head]
Grissom: Do you think a woman could've done this?
Catherine: I could.
[Grissom glances at her, then back to the head]
Grissom: Scared of you...
Warrick: [Getting onto a roller coaster with Grissom] I thought we were getting a beer.
Grissom: We are, after this.
Warrick: C'mon, Grissom, you know this is your thing. [Starts to get up]
Grissom: Ah-ah-ah! Every 9 years and 34 days, I feel like sharing. You'll like it. It cleanses you.
Warrick: Cleanses me? Whatever happened to my evaluation?
Grissom: You're sitting in it!

The Strip Strangler [1.23]

[edit]
Grissom: The last time a security guard tried to help me, he ended up dead.
Grissom: Repeat after me, Silk silk silk.
Nick: Silk silk silk.
Grissom: Now what do cows drink?
Nick: Milk.
Grissom: They drink water. They produce milk.
Nick: Catherine. say, "Silk silk silk"
Catherine: Silk silk silk.
Nick: Now what do cows drink?
Catherine: Water? Why?
Nick: Never mind.
Catherine: Never doubt and never look back. That's how I live my life.
Grissom: I admire that.
Catherine: So, what, this guy has some strange chemical in his mutated DNA?
Greg: Freaky, huh?
Catherine: Freakiest semen I've seen in a while.
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