CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (season 11)

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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015), usually referred to as CSI, is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Las Vegas.

Shock Waves [11.01][edit]

Catherine: After losing Warrick, I thought, if I just worked hard enough, if I focused completely on the cases that I-I wouldn't have to think about his death. ... There isn't enough work in the world... I realized that I couldn't do my job without talking to somebody.
Nick: I never knew that about you.
Catherine: Well, I'm-I'm good at hiding things. Like you.

Brass: I know your heart is in the right place, Nick, but the family would be more comfortable if you weren't here. Now, I have been were you are. I know how you feel but sometimes the best thing is to walk away. Okay? That's the right thing.

Doc Robbins: I was never going to be Fred Astaire.

Pool Shark [11.02][edit]

Mr. Boozell: The manifests don't lie. It's clear that the shark in the pool did not come from my tank.
Sara: Well, it had to come from somewhere.
Mr. Boozell: Well, maybe it checked in last night, VIP. No, VIS... Very Important Shark. He checked in, took a dip in the pool this morning, had a bite to eat. Now he's on the hook for murder.

Nick: So that's Earnest Boozell, huh? The Booze?
Catherine: Biggest shark in Vegas.

Blood Moon [11.03][edit]

Sara: Did you know that a 12-letter word for across the woods is Transylvania?
Nick: (sarcastically) Grissom? Is that you, Grissom?

Sqweegel [11.04][edit]

Catherine: You and Margot have something in common.
Nick: Yeah, what's that?
Catherine: A stalker.
Nick: That was a long time ago.

Ray: (cutting Margot's stitches) I'm sorry. Your cuts are evidence.
Margot: Don't you doctors and police ever talk to one another? Wouldn't it have been a lot easier if that cute young resident hadn't stitched me up at all?
Ray: Well, he was just doing his job, and I'm doing mine. What's the matter, I'm not cute?
Margot: Not right now.

House of Hoarders [11.05][edit]

Sara: Sometimes when we're faced with crimes that are so...incomprehensible we want answers. We want to believe that there's some order to things. Sometimes there just isn't.

[At the hoarder's house]
Nick: How could someone live like this?
Sara: Well, it smells more like somebody died like this.

Nick: You know, I almost threw out something Grissom gave me. Ah, yeah. Blue marble.
Sara: Oh.
Nick: You know what he said when he gave that to me?
Sara: Something profound, I'm sure.
Nick: He said, "Nicky, if life ever gets crazy..."
Sara: "...roll with it." He gave me the same marble. (both laugh) You should hold onto that.

Cold-Blooded [11.06][edit]

David: Did you know that coyotes won't eat the flesh of crystal meth users?
Ray: Really?
David: It's true. I read it. They can sense the stuff is poison.
Ray: Well, that places them at a higher evolutionary mark than a good deal of human beings.

Ray: Anything printed on the keychain?
David: (joking) If found eaten by animals, please call...
Ray: David.
David: Sorry.

Bump & Grind [11.07][edit]

Sara: Everything that happens to us, the good and the bad, is part of us. Took me a long time to realize that, uh, it doesn't have to define who we are, we get to decide that.

Hodges: So, is this, uh, bullet fragment telling you a story?
Greg: Once upon a time, a cranium met a nine-by-19 millimeter Parabellum round. The end.

Nick: Since when do you worry about identity theft?
Greg: Every aspect of our life has been reduced to binary code, Nick. All we are is zeroes and ones. Easy pickings.

Nick: What is the code for suspicious ooze?
Ray: 6-6-6. Well, at least the primordial variety, the stuff of creation, Heaven and Hell.

Nick: I think I'm gonna grab a beer...or ten. You wanna join me?
Catherine: I don't think so.
Nick (grins): You sure? We could talk about our feelings.

Fracked [11.08][edit]

Man: Can I help you, Officers?
Nick: You sure can, big man. I gotta take a look at your trucks.
Man: Why?
Nick: (handing him the warrant) Because that piece of paper says so.

Dr. Robbins: Mrs. Robbins has a birthday. The big one. She doesn't want to make much of it, which means I have to. You got any ideas?
Catherine: Can't go wrong with diamonds. Girl's BFF.
Dr. Robbins: Man's worst enemy.

Conrad: Catherine, you're a crime scene investigator, not Erin Brockovich.

Brass: Drop the Woodward and Bernstein act, okay?

Wild Life [11.09][edit]

Catherine: I-I-I've had all the complicated relationships I could handle. This is who I am. Please don't try to change me. I promise I won't try to change you.
Vartann: So, what? Take it or leave it?
Catherine: Call me when you decide.

Brass: So Sylvester and Tweety whacked their owners.
Greg: Think of it as a series of unfortunate events.
Brass: What do you mean, don't think of it as a cartoon?

Hodges: Wh-What is with this family? Even the animals hate each other.
Sara: Why didn't you just separate them, Hodges?
Hodges: Even though I project an aura of raw courage and unwavering self-confidence, I suffer from... ornithophobia.
Sara: You're afraid of birds.
Hodges: Let's just say that I was terrorized by a flock of Canadian geese while visiting my uncle in Saskatchewan.

Nick: Isn't this a little Cirque du Soleil?

418/427 [11.10][edit]

David: Looks like a .22.
Dr. Robbins: Used to be the preferred caliber for mobsters and assassins.
David: (with a rap accent) Nowadays they go for a Glock four-oh.
Dr. Robbins: Thank you, Ten Cent.

Man Up [11.11][edit]

Brass: Nice little crime scene you got here. So you called in your own 419 off a web posting? I mean, I heard of firemen setting fires to get overtime. Don't tell me you're dropping bodies for extra cash.

A Kiss Before Frying [11.12][edit]

Hodges: Group, I'd like you to meet Dr. Raymond Langston, Nick Stokes and Greg Sanders. These are our CSI field agents. They go out and collect all those little bits of evidence, and then they bring them to me for answers. (about the burned victim) Ooh! Looks like they're cooking up a searing mystery today.

Catherine [to Greg]: You did good.
Greg: Yeah, well, most bosses wouldn't have given me the chance to make it right.
Catherine: Oh, make no mistake. I'm pissed off at you, Greg. You disappeared on us, you walked into an ambush, you almost got yourself killed and then you left the scene of a crime.
Greg: Am I on suspension?
Catherine: You should be (pauses) But I'm the last ones who should be throwing stones. I've been blinded by lust once or twice. Just do me a favor. The next time you get the hots for a mysterious babe, let me check her out for you. I got an eye for the rotten ones.
Greg: Deal. Catherine...
Catherine: Yeah?
Greg: Why do the rotten ones smell so good?

The Two Mrs. Grissoms [11.13][edit]

Ray: (about the burned body) Gonna be hard to burrito him like that.
David: I could put him in the passenger seat of the van. Then we could use the car pool lane.
Ray: Always looking for the silver lining, eh, David?
David: Yeah. That's me.

Sara: (about Mrs. Grissom) She's very hard to get close to. She questions everything. She's got to be right about everything. She's mostly unavailable.
Catherine (chuckles): Sorry.
Sara: What?
Catherine: Oh, it's... you just described Grissom. Like mother, like son.

Sara: (about Julia) She also made it perfectly clear that she would not continue with the interview until I was out of the room. What did Brass say?
Catherine: What do you think? He wants you off the case. I said no. I told him that you're a professional, and completely capable of being objective.
Sara: Thanks.
Catherine: You are capable of being professional and objective, right?
Sara: Yes, I am.

Grissom: So anyway, how was your week? What'd you do?
Sara: Well, I almost got blown up twice. I accused your ex-girlfriend of murder. And, oh, I-I told off your mother.
Grissom: Oh, good. You kept busy.
Sara: Yeah. See what happens when you stand me up?

All That Cremains [11.14][edit]

Ray: It's always very difficult to accept the truth about people. Especially about people that we love. Denying it doesn't make it go away.

Greg: Instead of coming back for her stuff, she comes back for revenge.
Ray: Well, revenge is one thing, but, uh... shoving his dead wife's ashes down his throat and slicing him up... that's a monster.

Targets of Obsession [11.15][edit]

Nick: How you doing?
Catherine: I'm still in one piece.
Nick: Yeah, you should probably get checked out anyway.
Catherine: That's usually my line.
Nick (laughs): Hey, you're always taking care of me. How about I take of you for a change?
Catherine: Okay. Thanks, Nicky.

[Vivian, Nate Haskell's self-proclaimed "fiancee", has been watching Nate's trial along with a group of other women who admire him. She approaches Raymond Langston outside the courtroom, during a recess.]
Vivian: Well, you heard that expert- he's not responsible for his actions. Besides, the love of a good woman can change any man.
Raymond Langston: Why don't you tell that to the seven women we found buried under his floorboards?
[Vivian doesn't reply, but walks away when one of the other women in her group invites her to join their "prayer circle". Jim Brass walks past them and greets Raymond.]
Jim Brass: [Sarcastic] I see you've met the Brides of Haskell.

[A spikestrip has stopped Jason McCann and Timothy Johnson's van as they attempt to flee Las Vegas. A police roadblock and helicopter surrounds them and demands their surrender.]
Timothy Johnson: We gotta give up. We got no choice; look at all those guns.
Jason McCann: Shut up.
Jim Brass: You're surrounded! Get out of the car!
Jason McCann: I'll give up, but only to Stokes!
Nick Stokes: [From the blockade] Yeah, I'm here. So give up!
Jason McCann: I wanna talk to you!
Nick Stokes: We'll talk! Get outta there!
Timothy Johnson: Jason, look at me. Live to fight another day, remember?
[Jason cocks the pistol he's holding and stares coldly at Timothy, aiming the pistol at him.]
Jason McCann: Get out.

Turn On, Tune In, Drop Dead [11.16][edit]

Ray: You know what I believe? I believe that people that bring suffering and pain into this world should have it repaid to them tenfold, either in this world or the next one.
Doc Robbins: Careful. Evil has a way of making friends with the good and dragging them into the darkness.

Dr. Aden: Knowledge demands its payment.
Ray: It's always nice when somebody picks up the bill for you, though.

Dr. Aden: San Francisco girl, huh? Left my heart, and half my cerebral cortex in Frisco. You ever see The Dead play the Fillmore?
Sara: No, uh... too busy with the dead everywhere else.
Dr. Aden: Lucky you.

"Ray": so how are things with you and Gil going. "Sara": well don't tell anyone but we think that I might be having a baby so things are really great yeah how are things with you.

The List [11.17][edit]

Ray: (to prisoners) Listen up! I want your sneakers! I want your jumps! I want your DNA! I want to see your hands! I want to see your eyes! This man you killed was a cop! So there will be consequences! Prison will not protect you!

Catherine [to Greg]: Running from another stripper?
Greg: Burlesque dancer. And that's not funny.

Hitting for the Cycle [11.18][edit]

Ray: You know, when a man lets his wife down, loses her... sometimes he can lose himself. When your marriage fails, what no one tells us is that it makes us feel like we've failed somehow.

Greg: Pizza Pizza.

Unleashed [11.19][edit]

Ray: Some people...just can't ask for help. They don't know how.

Debra: I had to get her out of there. I mean, it was for her own good!
Ray: Usually, when people say they're doing something for the good of others, that usually means they're doing it for themselves.

Heather: Doctor, you want legitimacy. You want to know that it's okay to lose the muzzle for a while. I can say this: The good Dr. Langston isn't going to catch Nate Haskell.
Ray: If I give in to my nature, I won't catch him...I will kill him.
Heather: Yes, you will.
Ray: What becomes of me then?

Nick: Albert... What you did today was incredible. It was like being part of a miracle or something.
Doc Robbins: It felt good helping the living for a change.
Nick: You're a good man.

Doc Robbins: You know, it's not how you come into this world that counts, it's how you live it.

Father Of The Bride (1) [11.20][edit]

Catherine: Here's what we have: Haskell's out there, and he may have a new face.
Sofia: Well, the new face is a game changer.
Brass: I'm sick of this guy. He's like the Joker in Batman. Except without the laughs.

Cello And Goodbye (2) [11.21][edit]

Ray: Hey, it's Ray. I know you're working. I didn't expect you to answer, but, uh... you're the only one I can talk to. The only person who I think will truly understand this. At least, I hope you'll understand when I've done what I have to do. You know, we all make choices... live with the consequences. The only person I have ever loved...is dead. And now... There's only one thing left for me to do. Good-bye, Al.

In a Dark, Dark House (3) [11.22][edit]

Sara (to Greg): We have all had a moment in the dark where we had to fight our way out, and when we did, it was up to the rest of the team to shine a light on that darkness to see what happened. That's our job. I just need to know what I'm dealing with, and then I will deal with it.

Nick: (to Ray) You know, I'd give you a hug right now, but unfortunately, you're evidence, if you know what I mean.