CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (season 2)

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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015), usually referred to as CSI, is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Las Vegas.

Burked [2.1][edit]

Warrick: Black tar heroin. This is the difference between a Cadillac and a Pinto.
Brass: How would you know?
Warrick: It's my job. I count at least six balloons, and that's just in the bedroom. The dealer must have come down the chimney. It's like Christmas in July here. Not that Braun even needed any more drugs.
Brass: Yeah, looks like the guy had a pill for everything. Can you get a print off those balloons?
Warrick: I can get a print off the air.

Janine Haywood: I told you I dropped them down the bathroom sink.
Brass: First time I heard that.
Janine Haywood: Look, I took two, gave Tony two and I accidentally dropped fifteen or twenty down the sink. It was an accident. You know, an accident? Haven't you ever spilled a drink?
Catherine: Not lately. We found fifty Xanax in Tony's stomach.
Janine Haywood: Don't pin that on me. I'd left.
Catherine: I'll tell you what you left -- your fingerprints all over the prescription bottle.
Janine Haywood: I went to the pharmacy waited in line picked up the prescription signed for it brought it back to the house. You know, Tony did nothing for himself except work and get high.
Brass: Got you a brand-new Mercedes, didn't it?
Janine Haywood: Yes, it did. And it'll buy me the dress I wear at Tony's funeral, too.
Brass: Look, when you left your half a house where did you go?
Janine Haywood: A friend's.
Brass: Well, let's get her on the line.
Janine Haywood: She's out of town.
Brass: Let me guess -- she's incommunicado.
Janine Haywood: That means you can't reach her? Yeah.

Grissom: In the last 48 hours have you been anywhere else besides those two places?
Walt Braun: No. My life's pretty routine.
Grissom: It might just get a little more routine.

Catherine: [to Grissom] Is this part of the Sherlock Holmes Fan Club Kit?

Grissom: It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When is this thing going to be done?
Greg: Well, with all due respect sir, it's not a baked potato. Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?
Grissom: Is this going to be a short story or a novel?
[The mass spectrometer beeps and gives out the test results]
Greg: Excuse me. You know, heroin has a nine-minute half-life. After that, it metabolizes into morphine.
Grissom: What's the 6-MAM count?
Greg: A hundred fifty-eight nanograms per mil. Definitely not lethal. The same with your Xanax. Quarter-mil tabs, hundred micrograms per liter. Again, not lethal. There's addicts walking around Times Square with more drugs in their system.
Grissom: So Braun should still be walking around.
[Grissom turns to leave but stops]
Grissom: ...and the point of your New York story was...?
Greg: Oh, I was just going to tell you about another way to take heroin.. a suppository up the coolee. You just stand on your head, and then you let gravity...forget it!

Greg: Oh, is that alcohol on a bug bite? That's like butter on burns, man. Wives' tale.
Nick: Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemorrhoid cream on my acne.
Greg: Worked, didn't it?

Sam Braun: I remember the first time I saw you. You didn't have any clothes on.
Catherine: Yeah, well, that was a long time ago.
Sam Braun: I would've taken you home right then if I could have.
Catherine: I know, but you were married and I was a baby. It would've never worked!

Catherine: Who is this?
Brass: It's Braun's squeeze. She's an ex-stripper too. Perhaps you two met in a professional capacity.
Catherine: And, uh, where has she been the past 12 hours?
Brass: Uh, let's see. [he pulls out his notebook] Quote: "Out." Endquote.

Brass: [to a suspect] Newsflash, sweetheart. You can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.

Grissom: Would you mind if I took a picture for my bite collection?
Walt Braun: Whatever rubs your Buddha.

Grissom: Did you try this coffee?
Nick: Mm-mm.
Grissom: The last cup I had tasted like motor oil.
[Greg runs in]
Greg: Oh, don't touch it. That's my pot!
Grissom: Your pot?
Greg: Yeah, you know, from my own private stash. Blue Hawaiian -- $40 a pound. Only grown a couple times a year on the Big Island hand-picked to perfection.
Grissom: Good. You're using my water so I guess that makes it community coffee.

Chaos Theory [2.2][edit]

Greg: Well, this is one way to get her DNA. Bring me her whole life.
Sara: It's called zeal, Greg.
Greg: Or overkill.
Grissom: It's called protocol. Let's get on with it.

Grissom: Friedrich Miescher requests my presence?
Greg: Figured out my code huh? Well you know my boy, Freddie, discovered DNA.
Grissom: He's been dead a hundred years, Greg.

Henry McFadden: Paige and I dated once or twice. She wasn't my type. If you haven't noticed... I'm in the system now. The talent pool's pretty deep.
Nick: She dumped you!

Grissom: We told them what happened.
Catherine: Yeah. But we didn't give them what they needed... closure.
Grissom: Truth brings closure.
Catherine: Not always.

Catherine: No one can predict more than a few seconds into the future.
Nick: I predict I'll still be standing here one minute from now.
Warrick: Where are we going with this?
Grissom: Paige was in her dorm room and then ended up in the dumpster. Somewhere between her dorm room and the dumpster is our answer. That's where we're going. Coming, Nick?
Warrick: [to Nick] Nice try, Nostradamus.

Warrick: Where you been?
Grissom: I can't be everywhere, Warrick and they've banned human cloning.

Grissom: [To Greg] Are we paying you by the word?

Grissom: You showered.
Catherine: Thanks for noticing Gil, you're very observant.
Grissom: [studying a surveillance tape and inadvertently blocking Catherine's view]) Yeah? Well ... I can't tell what I'm observing here. What does that look like?
Catherine: A five-foot-eleven workaholic.

Nick: You know, it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

Sara: Five Hundred Dollars. That's huge money at her age if you actually get it. That's a big college racket, like buying books back.
Grissom: Why would anyone want to sell their books?

Grissom: People don't vanish, Jim. It's a molecular impossibility.

Overload [2.3][edit]

Grissom: Man versus Gravity. Man lost.

Grissom: Suicide, huh? I don't know, Brian. On the day you decide to end your life, why would you go to work?

Sheriff: What happened to good old dusting for prints?
Grissom: When your crime scene is 12 stories up I don't want to take any chances.

Catherine: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.
Greg: Your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.

Catherine: You're racing me, Nick. We're driving the same car. (Nick keeps walking down the hallway) Nick! (he keeps walking) Nick, I'll have you removed from the case. You're confronting suspects before the evidence is processed. You're flying solo, cutting me out. What's going on?
Nick: (takes a deep breath) Okay. There are some people you're supposed to be able to trust, you know? I was nine. And she was a last-minute baby-sitter. (Catherine's stunned) All I can remember doing afterwards is sitting in my room in the dark, staring at the door waiting for my mom to get home. But I've never told anyone before.
Catherine: I'm sorry.
Nick: It's what makes a person, I guess. I'm sorry, Catherine.

Grissom: Hey, is that from the deli?
Sara: Egg salad sandwich. You want half?
Grissom: No. Can I have your pickle?
Sara: You can have it.
Grissom: Oh, that's a nice one.

Sara: You turned my pickle into a light bulb.
Grissom: I'm electrocuting it.
Sara: You sure are.
Warrick: That would explain that smell.
Grissom: You know this is how I cooked my hot dogs in college.

Sara: We quit before we should have.
Grissom: Yeah, you did.

Greg: FYI, 30 swabs in six hours is not realistic even for me.

Catherine: You're racing me Nick. We're driving the same car.

Sheriff: Actions have consequences, Gil, even yours.

Warrick: [To Grissom] So you just proved murder.
Greg: I wouldn't break out that champagne just yet. Don't go shooting the messenger. Thumb print from the nail.

Catherine: What's the matter with you?
Nick: I'm on a case.
Catherine: We're on a case.
Nick: Right...

Warrick: You want his blood?
Grissom: One pint. To go.

Greg: I think I smell something burning in the DNA lab. I'd love to stay and chat...
Grissom: Greg, I hopes that's not the crossword puzzle.

Greg: Cheese, milk, sweaters. What do these things have in common?
Catherine: Goat cheese, goat milk.
Nick: Goat sweaters?
Catherine: Angora.
Greg: Ding, ding, ding.

Sheriff: [about Grissom talking to Brass] What was that about?
Grissom: Ah, we're in a bowling league together.

Warrick: Robert Harris. Does that name mean anything?
Grissom: Yeah, especially if you bet against me.

Warrick: Bobby Dawson's taking odds. 2:1 Grissom's wrong, 5:1 he gets suspended for shutting down the jail house, 10:...
Sara: Fired?

Grissom: [To the Sheriff] You look like the Sheriff, but you talk like the Mayor.

Bully for You [2.4][edit]

Brass: Who said the shooter was scared?
Grissom: Shot him in the back.
Brass: With his zipper down and his hands otherwise engaged.
Grissom: Yeah. We're looking for a coward.

Greg: You smell like death.
Sara: I've heard.
Greg: You know ... a real man wouldn't mind.

Sara: Anyone touch the bag since?
Hank: With that smell?
Sara: I thought you Emergency Service guys were tougher than that.
Hank: Hey, I'm plenty tough.
Sara: Down, boy. It was a joke.
Nick: (to Sara) Nothing like flirting over a D.B. (laughs)

Catherine: So how's your new toy working out?
Warrick: It's been downsized.
Catherine: Bummer. I know how you wanted to see that thing work.
Warrick: Well, it's the same difference, really. Air is drawn into the last tube the chalk absorbs the chemicals from the air. And mass spec will break it down at the lab.
Catherine: So why did you need the expensive one in the first place?
Warrick: 'Cause it was cool. (Cath smiles at his honesty)

Nick: Shut up. She was not.
Warrick: I saw her in action.
Nick: Really?
Warrick: Yeah, she was.
Nick: Catherine?
Catherine: (walks in and smiles) I was what?
Warrick: I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school.
Catherine: A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot.
Warrick: No.
Nick: No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.
Catherine: (smiling) Like you, Nick, huh? (Cath puts a hand on his shoulder for emphasis, he gets it. And sits down) Oh, Nick...what were you in high school?
Nick: Me? I was, uh...I was "dependable".
Catherine: Dependable.
Nick: Mmhmm.
Catherine: Dependable jock, dependable stoner?
Nick: No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess.
Warrick: What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular. (Cath laughs. Sara walks into the break room)
Sara: Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot.
Nick: Great. (gathers things and gets up)
Warrick: Hey Sara, what were you in high school?
Sara': Science nerd. (Nick walks past her and sniffs)
Nick: You changed? (whispers) But you still smell. Let's go. (they leave)
Catherine: So that leaves you, Warrick. What were you?
Warrick: Oh, I was short, I had big feet, thick glasses.
Catherine: You?
Warrick: Yeah. I got pushed around by all the guys and never got any play from the girls.
Catherine: The girls didn't even notice your eyes?
Warrick: No, they used to tease me about my eyes. Called me names.
Catherine: Aww, well, what do they know? They're your best feature.

(Sara is working on the decomp and Nick finds her in the lab, and she excuses herself for a minute)

Sara: Give me a mint.
Nick: (laughs) You're going to need more than one.
Sara: Just give me.

Grissom: Let me guess. Decomp in an enclosed space?
Sara: Yeah.
Nick: Yeah, in a zip bag.

Grissom: Lemons.

Sara: What?
Grissom: Use lemons. (Grissom mimics squeezing lemons on his own head to demonstrate what he means)

David: From the sound of it, I'd say he's been dead about two months.
Sara: Sound? (David shakes the bag, liquid sloshes around inside it)

Warrick: So were you a jock or a brain?
Grissom: I was a ghost.

Scuba Doobie-Doo [2.5][edit]

Catherine: Hey, I just talked to your partner. Working this case without me, huh?
Nick: Hmm?
Catherine: Greg Sanders?
Nick: Leggo my Greggo. He's a CSI wannabe. Please.

Nick: You just made yourself useful, my friend.
Greg: Oh yeah?
Nick: Yeah.
Greg: How?

Grissom: You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
Sara: A square of nine dots on paper and you can only draw four lines to connect them... without the pen ever leaving the paper.
Grissom: Right. Think outside the box.

Grissom': Mr. Renteria, your apartment walls are covered in human blood. Are you aware of that?
Clifford Renteria: Yeah.
Grissom: Do you have an explanation?
Clifford Renteria: It's my blood.
Grissom: Your blood?
Brass: You got a stigmata?
Clifford Renteria: No. I get nosebleeds.

O'Riley: Hey. I don't even know where to start with this one. Take a look at that. A scuba diver... up a tree.
Nick: Wow.
Catherine: How the hell he'd get up there?

Catherine: Hey, coffee boy. Where's my DNA? Cigarette butt? Match book time-delay device? Hair spray? Any of this sound familiar?
Greg: Bags under the eyes, coffee cups, stress face. Any of this look familiar? I'm working on it.
Catherine: Did Grissom put his stuff in front of mine?

(Catherine is walking by DNA)
Greg: Hey! Yo, Cat!
Catherine: (she walks into DNA) I'm going to forget you called me that.
Greg: Sorry.

Grissom: Two things that have nothing to do with each other.
Sara: Or everything.

(Sara walks out to find Grissom pacing furiously)
Sara: You okay?
Grissom: Ninety-five.
Sara: Excuse me?
Grissom: Normally my pulse is seventy, when it gets up to ninety-five, I realize just how mad I am. I- I have ten people working around the clock on this thing.
Sara: You're too hard on yourself.
Grissom: No, no. I'm not mad at me. There's a body in there and that guy knows where it is!
Sara: So what's your pulse at now? You wanna... take a walk around the block? Get some air.
Grissom: No.
Sara: Clear your head.
Grissom: I'm fine.
Sara: Okay. (touches his cheek, he looks surprised) Chalk... from plaster.
Grissom:(rubs his face): Oh.
Sara: Better go wash up.

Catherine: So I suppose you believe in Santa Claus?
Nick: After this... oh yeah.

Alter Boys [2.6][edit]

David: I hate when you CSI guys get territorial.
Catherine: Yeah well the victim's family hate it when we don't.

Grissom: We both have jobs that begin after the crime.
Father Powell: After the sin.
Grissom: Some people would call that a career in futility.
Father Powell: Some people call it a vocation.

Father Powell: You don't believe?
Grissom: In religion. I believe in God, in science, in Sunday supper. I don't believe in rules that tell me how I should live.
Father Powell: Even if they're handed down by God?
Grissom: How many crusades were fought in the name of God? How many people died because of someone's religion?
Father Powell: Fanaticism, not religion.
Grissom: Semantics. They're still dead.

Father Powell: He needs spiritual guidance.
[Grissom looks at the suspect, then looks at the dead body]
Grissom: Yeah, I imagine he does.
Father Powell: Ah. Then you'd have no problem with my talking to him.
Grissom: It's the 11th hour. I wouldn't expect anything less.
Father Powell: Eleventh hour?
Grissom: When the reality of their actions sets in, they usually turn to religion.
Father Powell: Can you think of a better time?

Caged [2.7][edit]

[Greg opens cupboard door and pulls book out]
Nick: Always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg: I move it around.
Greg: Okay, now, this is a 66-kilodalton globular protein, composed of two disulfide-linked sub-units, A and B.
Nick: Very impressive.
Greg: And I know what you all think of me -- I'm just another pretty face who got to where I am by sleeping with Catherine.

Grissom: Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick: Kind of sounds like you.

Greg: Can I help it if I'm hip?

Dr. Robbins: I love this table.

[Sara is holding a dog she found at the crime scene]
Brass: That's not yours, is it?
Sara: I'm collecting evidence.

Slaves of Las Vegas [2.8][edit]

Sara: We want to know if you saw anything unusual last night?
Guy Handing Out Fliers: Unusual? I don't know what city you live in, but in Las Vegas "unusual" is what happens when you leave the house.

Lady Heather: Go ahead, ask. "How can I do this for a living?"
Catherine: Oh, that's not what I was thinking. [pause] How much does this place clear a week?
Lady Heather: Ten grand.
Catherine: I'm not with the IRS.
Lady Heather: Okay. Twenty.
Catherine: I don't make that in…three months.
Lady Heather: Sex pays a lot better than death.
Catherine: Plus the outfits are cooler.
Lady Heather: Well, I have this genius tailor. Worked at the Desert Inn back in the day. I let him come in weekends and play human ashtray, he designs for me and my girls. It's a fair trade.
Catherine: You got a good thing going here. And the best part is that these guys think getting slapped around and humiliated is their fantasy.
Lady Heather: Like I told my daughter—
Catherine: You got a daughter?
Lady Heather: Eighteen this month. Freshman at Harvard.
Catherine: Really? Mine's seven.
Lady Heather: Oh, that's a great age.
Catherine: Yeah.
Lady Heather: When I thought Zoe was old enough to hear it, I told her, "Honey, there are a lot of things you can give a man. Your body, your time, even your heart. But the one thing you can never, ever, ever let go of is your power."
Catherine: All my mother ever said to me was "Cash up front."
Lady Heather: Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you've got everything it takes to make a great dominatrix.
Catherine: I take that as a compliment.
Lady Heather: Well you should. It's just about knowing yourself, being strong…and not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.
Catherine: Well, death is still a man's business. And I don't have to tell you about police work.
Lady Heather: So how do you survive?
Catherine: By knowing myself. And working hard. And not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.

Lady Heather: I can read anyone who walks through this door and know their desires. Sometimes even before they do.

Grissom: I'm that obvious, huh?
Lady Heather: Only because you try not to be.

Catherine: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
Grissom: We do?
Catherine: When we have a problem, I don't paint Greg in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.
Catherine: You're supposed to say something revealing back to me.
Grissom: Okay. I never told anyone this, Catherine......
[screen fades to black]

Grissom: To get to the evidence, we may destroy the evidence.
Catherine: Do you get these haikus out of a book, or do they just come to you?
Grissom: Every time you find a body, you have to choose a path. And when you take that path, grasshopper, you risk destroying the evidence.
Catherine: We grab a trough and some fine-mesh screens and pretend like we're panning for gold, Master.

And Then There Were None [2.9][edit]

Grissom: Dressed as a woman among men dressed as women. Now, see? That's a disguise.

Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "what gorilla?"
Brass: That's wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I'll arrest it.

Catherine: Fluorescent powders?
Sara: Ye, why not, they're in the kit.
Catherine: Protocol's black.
Sara: Since when do you care about my choice of powders?
Catherine: Assistant coroner is four hours late and we are stuck out here until he transports the body and I haven't even heard from Grissom.
Sara: You know I've never tried green.
Catherine: I should never have been sent to this remote scene in the first place I've got seniority, I deserve no, I've earned the right to pick my cases.
[Sara hands her a candy bar]
Catherine: If I start eating I will shut up.
Sara: Do you have a mirror?
Catherine: Since when do you care about your appearance?... I mean at a crime scene.
Sara: It's not for me.

Ellie [2.10][edit]

Grissom: Whoa. Careful. Livestock. [Holds up his jar of roaches] Hissing roaches from Madagascar.
Catherine: Sorry.
Grissom: These babies run two and a half miles an hour.
Catherine: I don't doubt that for a minute.
Grissom: Fifth annual entomological convention in Duluth. Cockroach racing finals.
[Grissom pushes the door to his office open and walks in. Catherine follows]
Catherine: You're roach racing.
Grissom: Actually, I'm giving a tutorial on preserving mass crime scenes. The sideshow is racing this guys.
Catherine: Ah.
Grissom: I mean, to have a chance to run against legendary roaches like Cocky Balboa, The Drain Lover, Priscilla, Queen of the Gutters. It's huge.
Catherine: What do you feed those guys?
Grissom: Dog food.
Catherine: And who's...supervising night shift?
Grissom: You are.
Catherine: Me? I am on the red-eye to Reno. The Braun Family is opening a new casino. I am Sam's date.
Grissom: That's tonight?
Catherine: I told you once, memo'd you twice. [she sighs. Grissom is distracted by the roaches in the container]
Grissom: Man, these guys are primed.
Catherine: [leaving]: Better get somebody.

Warrick: The job is fine. It's the other stuff -- the personalities.
Grissom: I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
Warrick: Is that Einstein?
Grissom: Linus.
Warrick: Charlie Brown. Figures.

Organ Grinder [2.11][edit]

Sara: The average American hotel room is covered with stains invisible to the naked eye.
Grissom: Yeah, but they're not all biological. Some are soda stains, food stains, whiskey stains, you know.
Sara: No matter how clean or expensive the room seems that's why I always travel with nonoxinol nine.
Grissom: You sound like you're making a commercial.

You've Got Male [2.12][edit]

Nick: Sara?
Sara: Yeah?
Nick: You've got to get out more. [Turns and walks away]
Sara: [Shocked, she walks back down the hallway]

Identity Crisis [2.13][edit]

[Nick is examining a car]
Greg: Is this the car the guy was killed in?
[Nick is clearly startled]
Nick: He was killed in the warehouse. And don't sneak up on a person like that!
Greg: Now you know how I feel, like ten times a day.

The Finger [2.14][edit]

Grissom: Okay, let's run this. Amanda was tired of being number two, so she calls up Mrs. Logan to discuss her affair with her husband. But Mrs. Logan doesn't just discuss it she throws down the gauntlet.
Catherine: Amanda broke the only rule. Don't call the missus.
Nick: Now he really has a problem.
Warrick: Two problems. His wife is going to leave him, take half his money and he was going to jail.
Sara: You got to admit, his solution was ingenious.
Grissom: Most killers take their time planning a murder. He took his time covering it up. Forty-eight hours to be precise. So Logan cleans up the crime scene and calls his lawyer. Asks him to help him with his little charade. I mean, what better way to protect your assets than to pay a kidnapper who's already on retainer?
Catherine: Everything from that point on was calculated.
Grissom: Blood on his hands...he's the last customer of the day at the bank. Acting suspiciously...
Catherine: ...driving recklessly.
Warrick: He knew he'd get hauled in to the cops.
Catherine: You bet your ass. He didn't leave those sunglasses behind by accident. His cell phone rang on cue. The call's for me. He practically forced that money into his lawyer's hands.
Grissom: Out of one pocket, into the other. I especially liked the little show he did for us in the coroner's lab. Trying to find out how much we knew.
Nick: Why make the map? Why lead Catherine to the body?
Grissom: Because without the body Logan would always be under suspicion.
Sara: If not by the police, by his wife.
Warrick: So, he left these wine glasses for you to find.
Catherine: Sure, we wanted us to suspect the wife. That's why he used her SUV to transport the body. And he let me mark the money because he knew that eventually his lawyer would touch it.
Sara: Why though? The money was in a suitcase.
Warrick: A million dollars. Pretty tempting.
Grissom: I saw the locker and I saw Logan's briefcase. It was too big to fit inside. His lawyer had to remove the cash by hand.
Sara: How could he possibly know that Catherine was going to mark the money?
Warrick: He didn't. He probably thought the bank marked it.
Nick: Besides, there's always fingerprints.
Catherine: So I did everything in my power to help him.

Burden of Proof [2.15][edit]

[A bug crawls out of the man's shirt]
Catherine: Oh look, one of your friends.
Grissom: It's a carpet beetle, it shouldn't be here.
Catherine: Vic seem more like a hard-wood floor kinda guy to you?

[Sara and Cath are in the hallway walking into the breakroom]
Sara: Wow, you got to go to the body farm?
Catherine: Yeah.
Sara: I've always wanted to go there. What was it like?
Catherine: Quiet.
[Now in the breakroom]
Warrick: I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off.
Nick: [Walking over to the fridge] Why does that not surprise me? [He opens the fridge and sighs] Man, something stinks in here again. [He grabs his lunch out of the fridge]
Sara: What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad?
Nick: Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that. [He hands her his sandwich, she reacts to the smell. She then kneels down to look in the fridge and sees a container on the top shelf]
Sara: Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there.
Nick: You're kidding me?
Catherine Blood or bugs?
Sara: It's not bugs.
Warrick: Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge.
Nick: Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this.
Grissom: [Walking in]: Talk to me about what?
Nick: You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator.
Grissom: Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night.
Nick: Well...
Grissom: I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures. [Nick looks annoyed. Catherine takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. Grissom is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it] Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home? [Catherine catches a smell of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. Sara is quiet]
Nick: [sits down still annoyed at being ignored] That blood is rank, man.
Grissom I know. That's why the Red Cross gives it to us 'cause it's past its expiration date. [Grissom puts it back in the fridge and talks to Catherine about the case a little then leaves]
Warrick: Way to go, Nick. You really told him.
Nick: I told him...he just didn't hear it.
Grissom: I'm working a case!
Sara: I thought WE were working a case!
Grissom: You're right!
Sara: Aren't you going to tell me anything?
Grissom: Take some pictures of the experimnt for the DA and then clear that stuff up!
Sara: (looks at the meat) Meat? (shocked) Raw meat? (upset that he forgot) Me?
Grissom: Yeah!
Sara: Grissom. How many dinners have we shared?
Grissom: (uninterested) I don't know!
Sara: (getting increasingly annoyed) Take a guess! Over the year and half that we've worked together!
Grissom: Um...30?
Sara: (stating what he forgot) I'm vegetarian! Everyone (looks towards the entire PD) here knows I'm a vegetarian! It pains me to see ground beef!
Grissom: You're right! Have Nick do it!

Primum Non Nocere [2.16][edit]

Catherine: Pucks, bucks and... chicks.

Sara: Since when have you been interested in beauty?
Grissom: Since I met you.

Gil Grissom: There are three things in life people like to stare at - a rippling stream, a fire in a fireplace, and a zamboni going round and round.
Sara: Charlie Brown. I love a zamboni.
Gil Grissom: We all do.

Grissom: What is Victoria's secret, I wonder?
Sara: Beauty, Grissom, remember?

Felonius Monk [2.17][edit]

Nick: How do you get one vic, let alone four... To sit still while you put a bullet between their eyes.
Grissom: They were praying.
Nick: Yeah, for mercy.
Grissom: For whoever was shooting them.

Nick: Guy in the robe flagged down an officer.
Grissom: Guy in the robe is a monk, Nick.
Nick: Yeah. Well. [Nick looks at the monk for several seconds then turns back to Grissom] He's a quiet monk.

Grissom: Wherever you live is your temple. If you treat it like one.
Sara: State your source.
Grissom: Buddha.

David Phillips: [interrupts Nick and Grissom in the lab] Excuse me, sir, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Grissom: David, stop calling me sir. What's up with the Air Force?
Phillips: You're all clear for tonight.
Nick: Air Force?
Phillips: My dad's a colonel out of Nellis. Grissom's requested a meeting. [Grissom leaves with Phillips]
Nick: Why?
Grissom: [deadpan to Nick] I'm enlisting.

Chasing the Bus [2.18][edit]

Grissom: We need a treadmill, a big one.
Nick: All right, to do what?
Grissom: To exercise a bus.

Stalker [2.19][edit]

[Nick walks into the break room after pulling down a departmental newsletter from a bulletin board entitled "CRIME STOPPER" with an article about him]
Sara: [laughing]
Warrick: Who wrote this?
Nick: You're kidding me, right?
Warrick: [dramatic voice] Nick Stokes, crime stopper! [Warrick and Sara laugh] You went Hollywood on me man!
Sara: And I quote, 'In his off time, he enjoys creating and inventing toys.' That's...facinating...what kind of toys do you make Nick?
Nick: I thought I got my hands on all those departmental newsletters. Where'd you get those?
Sara and Warrick: [simultaneously] Greg.
Nick: [pause] Yeah, that figures.

Psychic Detective: [talking to Nick after seeing a vision involving him and his home] Green tea! Green tea....does that mean anything to you? Green tea?

Nigel: [after being taken in] I am one, who am I? I am one, who am I?

Cats in the Cradle [2.20][edit]

Nick: Hey.
Sara: Hey!
Nick: Wow. You look...
Sara: Happy?
Nick: Smug. Actually.

Sara: How is that possible? The mechanic saw the bomb.
Nick: X-ray vision?

Nick: Hmm... hello, sweetheart.
Sara: End cap.
Nick: Pipe bomb.

Nick: Sara, if you found a bomb in your car, would you close the hood?
Sara: No, I would back away fast. Um... maybe the hood dropped?
Nick: No way. BMW has built-in hood shocks.
Sara: Liar, liar, car on fire.

Robbins: Glad I'm a dog person.
Grissom: You know, house cats have only been domesticated for 4,000 years. They still have predatory instincts.
Catherine: Only 4,000?
Grissom: Yeah.

Greg (after being caught rocking out in the lab): I could have been a rock star.
Grissom: There's still time, Greg.

Nick: You know, when I was 16, I begged my mom for a car. Swore she'd come through.
Sara: What happened?
Nick: Encyclopedia Britannica. (laughs) All 24 volumes. Still own them, still use them.

Anatomy of a Lye [2.21][edit]

Greg: Your vehicle was painted Sarasota Silver. Also, only available on the S-Series '99 models. I checked with the Mercedes State Rep. Five were sold in Nevada. Sara's tracking down the owners.
Grissom: You've, uh, already shared this information with Sara?
Greg: Yeah, an hour ago. And she was way more fascinated than you are.
Grissom: Well, I'm somewhat fascinated by the fact that I'm your boss, but you talked to her first.
Greg: Well, you were at dinner.
Grissom: I've been in the lab all day, Greg.

Cross-Jurisdictions [2.22][edit]

[Nick and Sara are dusting a champagne bottle]
Sara: Hey Nick, have you ever been to a swingers party?
Nick: Well, if it's the same thing as a frat party yeah, lots of them. You know, you get enough booze going things can get pretty wild.
Sara: Frat party, huh? Well, I wouldn't know anything about that...How wild?
Nick: Multiple partner wild.
Calleigh: (holding up a shell casing) Normally you can spot a Glock casing from about a block away! (examining it) Rectangular firing pin impressions. This isn't fired from your chief's weapon! (realizes she hasn't introduced herself) Oh! By the way! I'm Calleigh Duquesne! (before Catherine can speak) Don't ask me how to spell it! (sees the look on Catherine's face) Southern!
Catherine: Well I'm southern too! (means the country) Nevada!
Horatio: (laughs at Catherine's comment which earns him a jealous look from Calleigh)
Calleigh: Do you have a theory on how the mother and girl ended up here from Las Vegas?
Catherine: We don't work theories! (notices Warrick checking out Calleigh) Do we, Warrick?
Warrick: (snapping back to reality) No, just the evidence!
Calleigh: (laughs) Well, we're a bit more fanciful down here. Aren't we Horatio?
Horatio: I'd say that's a fair point!
Horatio: (as Calleigh walks up to him) Hey!
Calleigh: (her and Horatio puts their heads together as she whispers) Delko esta en el canal en punto de sacar algo muy insteresante! (Delko's down at the channel. He's found something very interesting)
Horatio: Si carla vestos! (Calleigh nods solemly and walks away)
FBI: (nods to where Calleigh was just standing) What did she just say?
Horatio: She just said that you need to learn the language!
Horatio: (sees Sasha sitting in amongst trees) Sasha! (as she looks at him he says quietly as in not to scare her) Sasha? (he walks up to her) My name is Horatio!
Sasha: (frowning at the weird name) Horatio?
Horatio: (nods) Yeah! That's a weird name isn't it? My mother named me after a famous writer named Horatio Alger!
Sasha: Is your badge real?
Horatio: Yeah! It's real!

The Hunger Artist [2.23][edit]

Dr. Robbins: Educated guess: Beautification. She was injected with pig botulism. Botox ... the ultimate wrinkle cream.
Grissom: How did it get into her bloodstream?
Dr. Robbins: Bad doctor. Missed the muscle. Shot directly into her supratrochlear vein.
Grissom: Amazing the advances we make in science and the primitive uses we find for them.

Warrick: Looks like gink work. It's the kind of thing speed freaks do when they've been up for 10 days straight...and they've already taken apart the radio.

Warrick:(Throws magazine onto roof of car) Hey
Nick: Ooooh, Pretty girl