CSI: Miami (season 8)

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CSI: Miami (2002–2012) is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Miami. It is a spin-off of the popular series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

Out of Time (8.01)[edit]

Delko: Detective Caine, I thought you were going to invest in a pair of sunglasses.
Horatio: I thought you were going to find them for me, Eric.

Hostile Takeover (8.02)[edit]

Darren: My clerk tells me you want to cash a check for $100,000?
Ryan: Actually we want to give you an "I Owe You."
Darren: Funny. Get out of here or I'm gonna call the cops.
Calleigh: We are the cops!

Tripp: You own Royal Vista Check cashing, Mr Ripley?
Darren: Uh, you know what, here a better question. When are you paying back the 100 grand you took from me?
Tripp: Pay you back, what the hell are you talking about? That money's not worth the lint in my pocket!
Darren: What my esteemed colleague is trying to say is that we know you're counterfeiting money.

Bolt Action (8.03)[edit]

Dean: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but we're not insured for accidents like this.
Horatio: See, the problem is we're not certain this is an accident. And we don't know what killed these boys.
Dean: Yeah, well either way I just wanted to make sure my wife and I are not liable.
Horatio: I understand. I'm actually focused on the young men who lost their lives.

Calleigh: Well, the interviews are today, so hopefully the nightmare will be over in and Eric can come back to work.
Ryan: Or you could both lose your jobs.
Calleigh: That's not very positive.

In Plane Sight (8.04)[edit]

Ryan: So you get to fish out Burgess out of the toilet. Have fun with all that.
Jesse: You know, why don't you go for it?
Ryan: Well, I'm sorry first come first slime, my friend.
Jesse: Well, why don't we play for it?
Ryan: Rock, paper, scissors, are you serious?
Jesse: It's the L.A. way. Why you scared?
Ryan: Hell no, it's just I'm not eight years old that's all.

Bad Seed (8.05)[edit]

Walter: Okay boys, how are we going to pull this one off? We don't have the authority and I don't feel a warrant in my pocket.
Ryan: Walter, we have badges. These rural guys barely have educations.

Tripp: Why were you running, super-fly?
Al: Because you were chasing me.
Tripp: Well, we got a paradox because I didn't start chasing until you started running.

Dude, Where's My Groom? (8.06)[edit]

Tom: Meet Mr. Tito Estevev of Always Protected Security.
Ryan: That company might want to think about getting a new name, don't you?
Tom: Funny.

Bone Voyage (8.07)[edit]

Jimmy: Oh, hey, you are one smokin' lady. I could get you a magazine cover like that.
Natalia: Awesome. Can you get this dirtbag out of here and I'll bag everything up?

Ryan: What have you got?
Walter: Possible skull fragment.
Ryan: Walter, this is a turtle shell.
Walter: A turtle shell?
Ryan: Yeah, this is a turtle shell. Those are your shoes, that's the sky.

[Ryan and Walter see a bear close to them and it roars at them.]
Ryan: Just make yourself small and nonthreatening.
Walter: I can't be small and nonthreatening! I'm running for it!
Ryan: Don't, you can't outrun a bear!
Walter: I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.
[The bear charges at Ryan and Walter causing them both to scream. Jesse shoots the bear.]
Jesse: It's okay, hey, hey, you're safe now girls.

Point of Impact (8.08)[edit]

Walter: Man, that's insane! I mean the guy was standing right over there! Looked fine to me.
Ryan: I bet he thought he dodged a bullet. Anyway, Walter last time I checked you can't charge a dead man with vehicular manslaughter.

Kill Clause (8.09)[edit]

Natalia: A few black sequins missing. Can we keep this for our investigation?
Suspect: Really?
Natalia: Yeah, you'll get it back. I'll give you a receipt.
Suspect: I better not see a picture of you wearing it in Ocean Drive.
Natalia: Thank you. [To Jesse] Wow, don't come between a girl and her dress.

Count Me Out (8.10)[edit]

Ryan: Well doctor, I don't have any sort of fancy medical degree, but I'd venture to guess that this victim died due to a head injury.
Tom: Incorrect.

Calleigh: Alright, look lady! If you do not get into that car without further incident, then I am happy to add resisting arrest to your rap sheet!
Miss Olsen: Remember, I pay your salary.
Calleigh: Then I deserve a raise.

Delko For The Defense (8.11)[edit]

Tripp: Zack Finley is not our guy. In fact I don't even know if he's a guy!
Jesse: Oh, come on, didn't you pat him down at the crime scene?
Tripp: Yeah, for a gun.
Walter: Whoa, whoa, whoa, so you're saying...
Tripp: Let me spell it out for you, the guy doesn't have the equipment.

Show Stopper (8.12)[edit]

Walter: This dress is so tiny. She always looks so much bigger on stage.
Ryan: Oh, yeah? Were you a Phoenicks fan?
Walter: Weren't you?
Ryan: No, Walter. I'm not an eleven year old girl.
Walter: Whatever man, Phoenicks was on fire.
Ryan: Literally.

Die By The Sword (8.13)[edit]

Walter: Hey, Travis, let me ask you something. What kind of messed up world we living in when a guy can't go for a stroll without getting cut in half?
Travis: The same kind of world that keeps me employed, I suppose.

In The Wind (8.14)[edit]

Walter: Hey, did she get her hearing checked out yet?
Ryan: I told her she's a liability until she...
Natalia: I can hear you both clear as a bell.
Walter: You heard that?
Natalia: Well, yeah, I went to the doctor. I, uh, got this little hearing aid.
Walter: Check it out!
Ryan: She's like the Bionic Woman, now.

Horatio: Frank, does Phillip Hale have a record?
Tripp: No, he's clean, but I pulled up his social security number to find out where he works.
Horatio: And what'd you get?
Tripp: Well, when he's not running over old ladies, he's a a caddie at the Forty Palms country club.

Miami, We Have A Problem (8.15)[edit]

Jody: What?
Neal: Nothing!
Jody: No, go ahead, say it!
Neal: I knew there'd be no traffic.
Jody: Fine. Next time we'll leave when you want to.
Neal: No, no, no! That's okay, this is fine. This is better actually, because we can stare at this tree for 45 minutes.

Walter: Maybe our victim's an alien.
Ryan: Nah, I feel like Tom would have mentioned the green blood by now.
Walter: Unless Tom's an alien too. Covering up the truth. Would explain a lot about Tom.

L.A. (8.16)[edit]

Horatio: You're a pornographer, Mr. Enright.
Enright: It's adult entertainment. It's a multibillion-dollar business. A very legitimate movie business.
Horatio: Well, then, roll credits, Mr. Enright.
Enright': I'm sorry?
Horatio: That's a wrap.

Ryan: That's your story? You're gonna stick with that?
Coop: Not only am I gonna stick with it, but it's the truth, pint-size.
Ryan: I'm 5-9.
Coop: [laughs] My pants are 5-9.

Getting Axed (8.17)[edit]

Ryan: [To Tom, who is up an elevator shaft trying to separate the victim from the elevator] Hey Tom! You still up there?
Tom: No, Ryan, I'm on lunch break.

Dave: You can change all you want. You can't escape your past.

Dishonor (8.18)[edit]

Horatio: [Catching Kyle staring at a waitress.] Subtle.
Kyle: Yeah, well, twelve month tour in Basra will do that to you, I guess. You know, I think she likes me.
Horatio: I think it's the uniform.
Kyle: Yeah, more like the man wearing it.

Spring Breakdown (8.19)[edit]

Calleigh: What kind of a person does that? I mean just puts a girl out with the laundry.
Tripp: Well, blame it on Spring break. Guys think it's just a vacation from common decency, they can do whatever the hell they want to do with no, no consequences.
Calleigh: Well, I tell you what. There are gonna be consequences.

Walter: He's lying, H. That story's got holes in it as big as the one in our vic's chest.

Backfire (8.20)[edit]

Ryan: Doctor.
Tom: Concentration of carbon monoxide in his blood was 70%. That makes the cause of death asphyxiation.
Ryan: Or you could just say he died of smoke inhalation.
Tom: You say potato...

Eric: Babe, work will still be here tomorrow. You should be back at the hospital.
Calleigh: Yeah, you know...you've had this job before. You know sometimes there are just things you need to do. [about the dead boy] It's the strangest thing, but I feel like I knew him. [to the boy] Rest in peace.

Meltdown (8.21)[edit]

Walter: That's strange, this shouldn't be turned on.
Horatio: How do you mean?
Walter: I disconnected the battery before I processed it, and I left it that way.
Rick: Battery's still connected.
Walter: Yeah, I got eyes, pal.

Mommie Deadest (8.22)[edit]

Horatio: [seeing their victim at the crime scene] Dr. Loman. I think we can safely say "overkill".
Tom: Absolutely brutal. She was struck at least nine times, with so much force and velocity that each blow on its own could have been fatal.
Horatio: What about a murder weapon?
Tom: Not sure yet. But judging from her injuries and the varying direction of the blood spatter, whoever did this was swinging wildly, from several different directions and angles.
Horatio: And totally out of control.
Tom: And fueled by rage.
Horatio: Yes. Someone... was very, very angry. Thank you, doctor.

Time Bomb (8.23)[edit]

Stetler: 20 years. I gave my life for this, and what do I got to show for it? I got high blood pressure, I got two ex-wives and I got a pension that ain't worth spit.
Horatio: We all do, that's the nature of the sacrifice.

All Fall Down (8.24)[edit]

Craig: I'm a divorce lawyer. I make people angry for a living.