Jump to content

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000 film)

From Wikiquote
For the 1966 animated cartoon, see How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (TV special).

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (also known as Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas), or simply The Grinch is a 2000 film starring Jim Carrey as the Grinch and narrated by Anthony Hopkins.

Directed by Ron Howard. Book by Dr. Seuss. Screenplay by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman.

The Narrator

[edit]
  • [first words of the movie] Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe.
    Way up in the mountains, in the high range of Pontoos, lay the small town of Whoville: The Home of the Whos.
    Ask any Who, and they'll have this to say, "There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day."
    Every window was flocked, every lamppost was dressed and the Whoville band marched in their Christmasy best.
    Arbor Day was fine and Easter was pleasant and every St. Fizzin's day, they ate a Fizz pheasant, but every Who knew, from their 12 toes to their snout they loved Christmas the most, without a single Who doubt.
  • Yes, every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot… but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville… did not.
  • The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.
    Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
    It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right.
    Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all… may have been that his heart was 2 sizes too small.
  • Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do.
    In her head, bum-tumbled a conflict or 2 - "If the Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me? Maybe he wasn't so bad Maybe. Just maybe."
  • Cindy Lou had some questions in her curious heart. Why did the Grinch hate Christmas? Where did it all start? With her dad's blabbacorder, she wouldn't give an inch. [Cindy Lou Who: In your own words, please tell me everything you know about the Grinch.]
  • So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos. [Grinch: ...Alphabetically. [points to name] Aardvarkian Abakenezer Who, I... HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [sees a name (maybe Mayor Augustus May Who) in the phonebook; venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers? It's their Whobilation!] He snarled with a sneer. [Grinch: Tomorrow is Christmas. It's practically here. MAX! Fetch me my sedative! Now to take care of those pesky memories.]
  • The whipperwinds whipped high above the Who town.
    A trip or a slip, you'd slide all the way down, but this girl had a mission.
    She knew what to do. She'd invite the Grinch herself, that brave Cindy Lou.
  • [Clock Operator: Only 4 hours till Christmas!] Yes, the Grinch knew tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys. [Grinch: And then, oh, the noise! Oh, the noise, noise, noise, noise! They'll bang on tong-tinglers They'll blow their floo-flounders. They'll crash on Jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders!] Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast. and they'll feast, and they'll feast. [Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll eat their Who-pudding and rare Who roast beast, which is something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I'M SPEAKING IN RHY-YME! AAAHHHH! BLAST YOU, WHOS! [sobs]] And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought [Grinch: I must stop this whole thing. Why for year after year, I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming! But how? I mean, in what way?]
  • [Grinch: [pulls Max out of snow, not noticing the snow beard] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well… [stops; notices the snow beard on Max]] Then he got an idea; An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea. [Grinch: I know... just what to do. [cut to red fabric being cut by the Grinch]] The Grinch laughed in his throat… [Grinch: Ha.] And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. [crunch; Grinch shouts in shock, and sees his fingers sewn on the red fabric and faints.] And he chuckled and clucked at this great Grinchy trick. [Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! Ho, ho, ho!]
  • [Santa Claus: Ho-ho-ho!] [Grinch: Fat boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.] [Santa Claus: [flying with his reindeer] Merry Christmas!] [Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer.] Did that stop the old Grinch? No. The Grinch simply said: [Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [He reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away.] Oh, Ma-a-a-a-a-AXXXX!] So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
  • All their windows were dark, quiet snow filled the air. All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care when he came to the first little house on the square. [Grinch: Welcome to Whoville, Max!]
  • [Grinch: [arrives on the roof with Max] C'mon, Max. It's our first stop!] The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet] He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch. But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. [Grinch: [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2 1/2 with a combo tuck and pike… High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAAA!!! [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]] He got stuck only once... for a moment or 2. [Grinch: Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]] Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue... [Grinch: [to the narrator; breaking the 4th wall again] Shh. A little more stealth, please.] [whispering] ...Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row. [Grinch: These stockings...] [normal voice] He grinned. [Grinch: ...Are the first thing(s) to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings]]
  • Then he slunk to the icebox. [Grinch: [hugs the fridge into place.] Slunk. [opens up the fridge]] He eyed the Whos feast. He took the Who pudding! [The Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away] He took... the Roast Beast! [Grinch: [imitating football player] HIKE!!!!!!!!!! [tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position, and messes everything up the fridge]] He cleaned out the icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Grinch… he even took their last can of Who Hash. [The Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal the last can of Who Hash inside in it just as Cindy opens the door.] Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. [Grinch: And now...] Grinned The Grinch. [Grinch: [grabs the tree] ...I'll stuff up the tree! [walks to the fireplace with the Christmas tree] And the Grinch grabbed the tree as he started to shove... when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. [Cindy Lou Who: Excuse me.] [the Grinch stops, and hides behind the tree] The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water. [Cindy Lou Who: Santa Claus? What are you doing with our tree?] But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick... [Grinch coughs] ...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. [Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why, my sweet little tot.] The fake Santa Claus lied. [Grinch: There's a light on this tree... that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. [laughs, and Cindy giggles] I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it back here.] [Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what's Christmas really about?] [Grinch: Vengeance! Er, I mean... presents... I suppose.] [Cindy Lou Who: I was afraid of that.] And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
  • And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup... [Grinch: Nice kid. Bad judge of character.] ...He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. [the Grinch stuffed the tree up the Chimney, grabs the Christmas lights, and goes up the chimney] And the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house, was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home, and he took every present.
  • 3,000 feet up.
    Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.
    He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.
  • [Grinch: Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing] Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow. [Grinch: Huh? Whuh?] But the sound wasn't sad. Why this sounded merry. But it was merry. Very. Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small... were singing without any presents at all. He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. [Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!] [Cindy Lou Who: Mr. Grinch?] And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling. [Grinch: How could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags!] And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something... he hadn't before. [Grinch: Maybe...Christmas...] He thought... [Grinch: ...Doesn't... come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… [warmly] ...Means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max! Help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]] And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
  • [last lines] So he brought back the toys and the food for the feast.
    And he, he himself the Grinch, carved the roast beast.

Cindy Lou Who

[edit]
  • You're the, the, the, the– [Grinch: [imitating Cindy Lou Who] "The, the, the, the–" [normal voice; loudly] THE GRINCH!] Aah! [falls down a mail shaft and gets stuck] Help! [Grinch: Well...] Help! [Grinch: That worked out nicely.]
  • [Narrator: Cindy Lou had some questions in her curious heart. Why did the Grinch hate Christmas? Where did it all start? With her dad's blabbacorder, she wouldn't give an inch.] In your own words, please tell me everything you know about the Grinch.
  • Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree? [Narrator: But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick… [Grinch coughs] ...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.] [Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why-hy-hyy, my sweet little tot!] [Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied.] [Grinch: There's a light on this tree that won't... light on one side, so I'm taking it home to my w-wo-orkshop, my dear. [laughs and Cindy giggles] I'll fix it up there… and I'll bring it... back here.] Santa, what's Christmas really about? [Grinch: [pops out through the tree, startling Cindy] Vengeance! Er, I mean… presents... I suppose.] I was afraid of that. [Narrator: And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.] Santa? [Grinch: [sharply] What?!] Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean, and hairy and scary... His hands might be cold and clammy. But I think he's actually... sweet. [Grinch: "Sweet"!? You think he's sweet?] Merry Christmas, Santa.

Dialogue

[edit]
The Grinch: [after Max scared off some teen Whos] Well done, Max! Serves them right, those yuletide-loving... sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! [angrily picks up an onion] I really don't like 'em. Mm-mm. No, I don't. [hungrily eats the onion] MAX! [Max whimpers] Get my cloak! [Max runs back inside] I've been much too tolerant of these Who-venile delinquents, and their innocent, victim-less pranks. [rubs his pits with the onion] So they wanna get to know me, do they? [angrily throws away the onion] They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch. [turns to the camera] I guess I could use a little... social interaction. [shows off a sinister-looking smile; the scene fades to Whoville with a view of Max and the Grinch's feet]
Whoville Bike Men: Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Oh, yeah. You bet, and ho, ho, ho, and... stuff. [The bikers fall down, blocking traffic.] Oh, my. Someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place.
Narrator: The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.
Who Officer: Top of the day.
Grinch: Flatfoot.
Narrator: Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Grinch: [gives two Who girls a bandsaw] Hey, kids. Here's a present for ya. Be sure to run real fast with it now. All right, come on. Double time. Let's go! Move, move, move, move, move!
Narrator: It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all...
Who: Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Is it?
Narrator: ...May have been that his heart was 2 sizes too small.
Crazy Mose: Hey stranger! I won't let you go until you buy a chapeau! [The Grinch lifts his mask, deeply belches, blows odor on him, making him fall. The Grinch pulls his mask back on and laughs sneakily.]
Drew Lou Who: DAD! DAD!
[Drew and the other teen Whos are covered in snow]
Lou Lou Who: What happened to you?
Stu Lou Who: It was THE GRINCH!
[A record scratch sound effect is heard, blocking traffic again.]
Female People: Grinch?!
Grinch: What do you want? I mean– [mocks female voice] Grinch? Oh, no!
Augustus May Who: Did someone just say "Grinch"?
Cindy Lou Who: But, Dad, I just don't understand something. Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch?
Lou Lou Who: [puts stuff inside] You kids and the Grinch. You see, Cindy, the Grinch is a Who who... well, is actually not a Who. He's-- He's more of a--
Cindy: A what?
Lou: Exactly, honey. And he's a What who... doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at his mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card in or out... ever.
Cindy: But why?
Lou: Well…
Post Office Person 1: Lou, where's my mail?
Post Office Person 2: Lou, I got the wrong mail here!
Post Office Person 3: Lou, I got the wrong mail!
Lou: Uh, I'll be right there. Whoop!
Post Office Person 4: We got a problem!
Lou: Alright. Uh, we'll straighten this out.
Grinch: [at the back room of the post office with Max by the sorting machine; laughing with glee] It'll take them years to sort this out. This is his and now it's yours, and this is hers and now it's his! [laughs schemingly] And for the rest of you... [turns around by the sorting machine, then starts throwing everyone's mail in the wrong boxes] ...Jury duty, Jury duty, Jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, Jury duty! [throws more mail into the wrong boxes as he emits a light giggle of amusement] Gee-e-e-e-e-eee!
Lou: Would you mind helping me? Take this to the back room, honey. But, be careful of the sorting machine, right?
Cindy: Yeah.
Grinch: [as Max sneezes] Gesundheit. (Oh, no.)
[Max growls; this causes Cindy Lou to see the Grinch and Max, and she screams, and the Grinch screams back; drops down to the ground and snorts.]
Cindy: You're the, the, the, the--
Grinch: [imitating Cindy] "The, the, the, the--" [normal voice; loudly] THE GRINCH!
Cindy: Aah! [falls down a mail shaft and gets stuck] Help!
Grinch: Well...
Cindy: Help!
Grinch: ...that worked out nicely.
Cindy: Help! [big stamp stamps fragile on present; muffled] Help me! Somebody!
Grinch: [to Max] Max, let's go. Our work here is finished. [chomps] Sheesh!
Cindy: Help me! Please! Help!
Grinch: [sees Max biting his own cloak] That is not a chew toy! Stop it, Max! Get that out of your mouth! You have no idea where it's been!
[Cindy screams, and a whistle blows]
Cindy: Help!
Grinch: [scowls; annoyed] Ohhh... Bleeding hearts of the world, UNITE!
Cindy: Help! Help!
Grinch: [saves Cindy] There. [angrily takes back his goofy mask] Give me that! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO YOU?! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU SOME KIND OF WILD ANIMAL?! HUH?!
Cindy: [shaking her head] Uh-uh.
Grinch: [to Max] Let's go. [heads to the exit]
Cindy: Thanks for saving me.
Grinch: [screeches to a stop, fingers scrape against glass, turns around angrily] Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing?
Cindy: [nods] Uh-huh.
Grinch: [wags finger] Wrong-o. [grabs wrapping paper] I merely noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear! [begins wrapping Cindy Lou wildly in wrapping paper] DRAT! Hold still! [stops wrapping, to Max] Max, pick out a bow! [resumes wrapping Cindy Lou in wrapping paper, stops again] Can I use your finger for a second?
Cindy: Hello? Hello!
Grinch: [puts on his mask] Ow.
Lou: [enters back room] Cindy?
Cindy: Dad. [Lou sees her covered in gift wrapping that the Grinch wrapped her up with earlier] Daddy! Daddy!
Lou: What the hey? Honey? Cindy?
Cindy: [removes gift wrapping] Dad, it was amazing!
Lou: You've been practicing your Christmas wrapping. Honey, I'm so proud of you.
Cindy: Uh, oh. Well--
Lou: Now that's holiday!
Narrator: Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do. In her head bum-tumbled a conflict or two; "If the Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me? Maybe he wasn't so bad."
Lou: Come on, let's go home.
Narrator: "Maybe. Just maybe."
Cindy Lou Who: [singing] ♪ Where are you, Christmas, why can't I find you? Why have you gone away? My world is changing, I'm rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes, too? ♪
♪ Where are you, Christmas? Do you remember the girl you used to know? You and I we're so carefree, now, nothing's easy. Did Christmas change or just me? ♪
Grinch: [catapults the red "Hazardous Waste" bag at the picture of Augustus] Oooh! Sweet. [singing] ♪ Be it ever so...heinous, there's no place like home. ♪ [He goes down the elevator] 1st floor, factory rejects. Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But we did our worst, and that's all that matters. [referring to Cindy Lou] At least I scared the bejeebles outta that little girl in the post office. She'll be scarred for life if you're lucky. [He walks behind the wardrobe, humming a tune] Aaah! DAAAAA-AAA-AAAAAAAAAAH!!! [He creeps out from behind the wardrobe, refers to Cindy Lou again] Funny she didn't rat on us though. Must be afraid of reprisals. [He sees the tiny red heart beating on his X-ray] Yes! Down a size and ½! [breaks the fourth wall; to the audience watching] And this time, I'll keep it off. [He frowns and walks out of frame; to Max, shaking hands quickly] Get the stick, Max! Get the stick! [He throws his hand towards Max's direction; Max barks and runs in that direction, while the Grinch chortles to himself] There's no stick. I'm smarter. [He takes a running leap onto his bed] Any calls? [He turns his phone on]
Phone: You have no messages.
Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing. [He presses another button]
Phone Message (Grinch's voice): If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!!! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key. [phone beeps]
Grinch: Hmm. Hmm? Oh, well. (That's okay.) [He turns his machine off; jumps off his bed and zip lines down to his chair as he screams and laughs gleefully] That's more like it. [He pulls off his socks while singing nonsensically; the socks crawl away, and he bites off a piece of a glass bottle; puts his finger into his mouth, gags and continues to crunch the glass bottle] Mmm. Excellent year. [He puts down a glass bottle] I'll tell ya, Max. I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need... right here. Hello! [echoes] How are you? [echoes] I asked you first! [echoes; sarcastically] Oh, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say! [echoes]
Grinch: [thinks for a second] I'm an idiot!
Echo: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
Grinch: [gruffly whispering] All right, fine! I'm not talking to you anymore. In fact, I'm going to whisper, so that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls and it gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it. [He covers his ears]
Echo: [after a brief silence] YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
Grinch: [breaks and eats the glass bottle] Am I eating because I'm bored?
Narrator: So, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
he stood outside his cave( on Christmas Eve)... hating the Whos.
Grinch: [brings out a Whoville phone book] Alphabetically. [raises finger and puts it against name in book] Aadvarkian Abakenezer-Who, I... [bellows down] ...HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! [stops] Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. [pointing at various names] Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [pauses as he sees a name (possibly Augustus May Who), widens eyes; venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY!! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers? [angrily closes the book] It's their Whobilation!
Narrator: He snarled with a sneer.
Grinch: [shocked gasp] Tomorrow is Christmas.
It's practically here.
MAX! FETCH ME MY SEDATIVE! [inside his cave; with a hammer] Now, to take care of those pesky memories. [hits himself with the hammer and falls over, moaning]
Grinch: [trying to drown out the Whos' singing, turns on a giant mechanical Jolly Chimp with cymbals] Play, monkey! Play! Play, play, play! [He rides a jackhammer while vocalizing; he soon wipes out] OWWIEE!!
Cindy: [knocks on the door] Mr. Grinch? [knocks on the door again] Mr. Grinch! [opens Max's doggie door] Hello? [crawls into the Grinch's cave; she finds him standing with his head in the path of the Jolly Chimp's cymbals, yelling gibberish each time they hit his head. Taps his shoulder] Excuse me?
Grinch: Hmm? [He sticks his head out and grabs the Jolly Chimp's cymbals; the Jolly Chimp short-circuits and it's motor slowly powers down; turns slowly to Cindy with a furious look as the monkey's motor stops] Hello... little girl. [bellows] HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?! THE IMPUDENCE! THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready... FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!
Cindy: [calmly and politely] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
Grinch: [thinking he's scaring Cindy] You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you.
Cindy: I'm not scared.
Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil. [He makes psychotic growling noises]
Cindy: I don't think so.
Grinch: Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed. [He jumps out of frame, then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animalistic noises, ripping the shirt apart] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, BEFORE I KILL AGAIN! [howls] I'm a psycho. [He growls, puts a shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically] Danger, danger! [He repeatedly growls, but suddenly stops as he is out of breath]
Cindy: Um... maybe you need a time-out. [giggles after the Grinch looks dumbfounded]
Grinch: [aside, to the camera; breaking the fourth wall again] Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. (Anyway...) [to Cindy; bellows] WHAT DO YOU WANT?! [echoes]
Cindy: Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you... to be Holiday Cheermeister.
Grinch: Uh... "Holiday" who-bie what-ie?
Cindy: Cheermeister. (See?)
Grinch: Huh? "(Cordially invites you to be our Holiday) Cheermeister( at the Who Whobilation 1,000 celebration). Celebrate (and dine) with friends( at 7:30 P.M)." [laughing raucously] AAH!! That's a good one. [wheezes]
Cindy: [following him] I know you hate Christmas, but what if it's all just a misunderstanding?
Grinch: Don't care.
Cindy: I mean, I myself am having some Yuletide doubts. [Grinch makes snoring noises] But maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas...
Grinch: [mimics Cindy in a nasally voice] "Maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas--" [normal voice] Grow up!
Cindy: ...then maybe it'll be all right for me, too!
Grinch: I'm sorry, your session is over. Please make another appointment with the receptionist on the way out.
Cindy: Please, please! You have to accept the award!
Grinch: [gasps; stops in surprise] (Wait a second.) "Award"? [rapidly grabs and dips Cindy attentively] You never mentioned... an award.
Cindy: Yeah, with a trophy and everything.
Grinch: And I won?
Cindy: You won!
Grinch: That means there were losers.
Cindy: I guess. So, if you come--
Grinch: [gleefully] A town full of losers! I like it! Was anyone... emotionally shattered? Come on! A minute ago, I couldn't shut you up! Details, details!
Cindy: Well, the Mayor wasn't happy.
Grinch: [mock gasp] Oh, no.
Cindy: [smiling] Martha May will be there.
Grinch: [smiling back] Oh, she will?
Cindy: [nodding] Mm-hm.
Grinch: And she'll see me. A winner. [Cindy nods again] She'll be on me like Fleegle flies on a flat-faced floogle horse! [dramatically] WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, MARTHA BABY, BUT THE G-TRAIN HAS LEFT THE STATION!
Cindy: So will you come?
Grinch: [shrugging] Oh, alright. (I'll think about it.)
[Cindy giggles]
Grinch: [leading her to the front door, acting happy] I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye, or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger less hairy me, but (maybe) you've convinced me! Who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life!
Cindy: Really?
Grinch: [grumpy again] No(, but I'll still think about it). [pulls a rope, opening up the garbage chute beneath her and sending her back to Whoville]
Grinch: [screams and lands in his chair] The nerve of those Whos; Inviting me down there... on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! [opens his schedule] "4 o'clock; wallow in self-pity. 4:30; stare into the abyss. 5 o'clock; solve world hunger." Tell no one. "5:30; jazzercise. 6:30; dinner with me." I can't cancel that again. "7 o'clock; wrestle with myself loathing"... I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. [beat] But what would I wear? [goes to kitchen, and accidentally, yet perfectly, does the tablecloth trick without disturbing the items, but returns and knocks the stuff off of the table; poses in the mirror as Max barks] It's not a dress, it's a kilt! [rips off tablecloth] Sicko! [rummaging through clothes] Stupid! Ugly! Out of date! This is ridiculous! If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! [hears a yodeler and mugs him for his lederhosen] Ohh. Ahh. Mmm... That's it, I'm not going.
[Back in Whoville]
Augustus May Who: Well, it's time for our Holiday Cheermeister of the Year Award! [chuckles; everyone cheers] Congratulations, Mr. Grinch! [turns out the Grinch is not in the Whobilation] He isn't here. What? He didn't show? Who could've predicted this?
Grinch: [after standing grumpily with his arms crossed] Alright. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta here. [heads for the door, then stops abruptly and returns nervously] But what if it's a cruel prank, what if it's a cash bar? How dare they? [scowls, then calms down] Alright, I'll go, but I'll be fashionably late. No, yes, no, yes, no. Yes! [groans in frustration; sharp inhale] Definitely not. [heading for the door with his hand behind his back] Alright, I've made my decision! I'm going, and that's that! [shows his crossed fingers on his hand] Ah, had my fingers crossed. [Max pulls the rope, sending the Grinch falling through the garbage chute towards Whoville] MAYBE I SHOULD('VE) FLIP(PED) A COIN! [screams as the picture spins rapidly from him and stops to Cindy-Lou Who]
Augustus May Who: Well, I, I guess the award goes to the, the runner-up.
Whobriss: That's right. A man for whom Christmas comes, not once a year, but every minute of every day. A handsome, noble man. A man who's had his tonsils removed twice.
Augustus May Who: [chuckles] That's an interesting story. You see, what happened was--
Grinch: [to Whos] Boo. [the Who-crowd screams in horror] Hmm. Hot crowd, hot crowd. I believe I'm here to... [licks chops] ...accept an award of some kind, and... the child... mentioned a check?
Cindy: No, I didn't.
Grinch: Alright, then. Give me the award. COME ON, WHILE I'M YOUNG!
Augustus: Don't you worry, Mr. Holiday Cheermeister, you'll get your award. But first, a little family reunion. They nursed you, they clothed you. Here they are, your old biddies!
Grinch: [shocked] Are you two still living?
[Mayor Augustus Maywho has humiliated the Grinch by giving him an electric razor as a gift, and is proposing to Martha May Who, bribing her with a new car.]
Martha: [unsure] Well... I... These gifts are quite dazzling.
[The Grinch angrily scratches his finger against the car, giving it a huge dent and making a loud grating noise, getting everyone's attention.]
Grinch: Of course they are. That's what it's all about, isn't it? [laughing sarcastically] That's what it's always been [angrily] about! Gifts! Gifts. GIFTS-GIFTS-GIFTS-GIFTS-GIFTS-GIFTS! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me, in your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump! And the avarice. THE AVARICE NEVER ENDS! [mockingly] "I want golf clubs." "I want diamonds." "I want a pony, so I can ride it twice, get bored, and sell it to make glue!" Look, I don't want to make waves, but this whole Christmas season is... STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! There is, however... one... teeny-tiny... Christmas tradition... I find... quite... meaningful. [approaches Martha and takes a sprig of mistletoe from the engagement ring box.] Mistletoe. Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville! [mockingly wiggles the sprig over his butt; Martha faints]
[the Grinch takes the shaver and shaves the front Augustus May Who's head, who screams in shock]
Grinch: Uh-oh! Somebody's fabulous! [kisses him on the cheek and runs off; he takes off the crown, rips off his Christmas sweater, and jumps off the stage, scaring the Whos away]
Lou: Let's go!
Cindy: Oh, no!
Grinch: [to an old Who] Excuse me, old-timer. [takes a cup from him] Mind if I wet my whistle?
Old Who: Well, uh- [the Grinch drinks all of it without swallowing it and throws the cup aside, shattering it] That's my good stuff!
[the Grinch then pulls out a torch, and spits fire on the torch making a makeshift flamethrower, lighting the giant Christmas tree on fire; all the Whos stare in shock]
Grinch: Burn, baby! Burn! [laughs with glee as the whole Christmas tree burns to the ground]
Martha May: Oh, wow.
Grinch: Oh, the Whomanity! [laughs]
Grinch: I quite enjoyed that. I hope I get another invite soon. [opens the garbage chute as he starts laugh in amusement but stops laughing and gasps in shock as he sees the Whoville residents carry a spare Christmas tree]
Augustus: Come on, come on, come on! Good thing we have a spare.
Grinch: [angrily] Sufferin' snorkelblatz! [yells] THEY'RE RELENTLESS! [falls backwards down the garbage chute. The Christmas clock changes to 0 days, 4 hours, 0 minutes.]
Clock Operator: Only 4 hours till Christmas!
Narrator: Yes, the Grinch knew. Tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys.
Grinch: And then, all the noise!
All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!!
They'll bang on tong-tinglers.
They'll blow their floo-flounders.
They'll crash on jang-jinglers
and bounce on boing-bounders!
Narrator: Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast.
And they'll feast, and they'll feast.
Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!
They'll eat their Who pudding,
and rare Who roast BEAST...
which is something I just cannot stand in the least.
Oh, no. [cries] I'm speaking in rhyme! Aah! [furiously drops to his knees] BLAST YOU, WHOS! [angrily sobs]
Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring,
the more the Grinch thought...
Grinch: I must stop this whole thing.
Why, for year after year, I've put up with it now!
I must stop this Christmas from coming!
But how?
[gasps] I mean, "In what way?". [gags, disgusted; as he goes inside his cave, he sees Max dancing right behind the doghouse; to Max, snickering] Are you having a holly... jolly... Christmas? [record needle scratches] WRONG-O! [angrily throws Max and his doghouse out. He furiously peers over the edge at the dog-shaped hole in the snow as Max whimpers] Hmph! [furiously jumps and hangs on a tree to the hole, and angrily picks up Max, who is covered in snow] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well-- [sees snow covering Max's face, looking like Santa Claus' white beard]
Narrator: Then he got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Grinch got a wonderful... awful idea.
Grinch: I know... just what to do. [smiles sneakily and points his pointer finger up with a "Ding!" sound effect; the scene cuts to the Grinch cutting a coat-shaped hole in the red fabric, and sewing the fabric with his sewing machine]
Narrator: The Grinch laughed in his throat.
Grinch: Ha!
Narrator: And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
[loud crunch]
Grinch: [alarmed] Oh-ho-ho! [sees his fingers sewn to the red fabric later]
Narrator: And he chuckled and clucked...
[the Grinch faints in shock and pain]
...at this great Grinchy trick.
Grinch: [admires himself in the mirror, dressed in the finished outfit] With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like St. Nick! Ho, ho, ho! [singing] ♪ You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch! ♪ [snorts]
♪ You really are a heel. ♪
Jim Carrey: ♪ You're as cuddly as a cactus, and as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch! ♪ You're a bad banana with a... ♪ greasy black peel! ♪ [scene cuts to the Grinch riding the zipline carrying metal] Just face the music. ♪ You're a monster, Mr. Grinch. ♪ Yes, you are!
Grinch: [singing] ♪ Your heart's an empty hoooooooole! ♪
Jim: ♪ Your brain is full of spiders, and you got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. ♪
Grinch: Mmm. ♪ I wouldn't touch you with a... 39½ foot pooooooooole! ♪
[Max brings the Grinch a ⅝ spanner]
Grinch: I asked for ¾, not ⅝. Stay focused! [He gives the ⅝ spanner back to Max.]
Jim: You know if you asked every Who's Who of Whoville... ♪ No one would deny it. ♪ [He holds note as Max presses the button, making the Grinch launch faster, until it hits the "HIT HERE" sign, making Jim Carrey cough]
Grinch: Ow. [He lifts his head up after a dummy crash test] Airbag's a little slow. [airbags come out] But that's what these tests are for! [Max barks, and the Grinch lets his head drop back down] ♪ You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile. ♪
Jim: ♪ You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. ♪
Grinch: Given the choice between you, I'd take the... ♪ seasick crocodile! ♪ [He holds a note while spinning around but yells and holds his mouth as he grunts, trying to hold in his vomit.]
Santa Claus: [heartly] Ho-ho-ho!
Grinch: Fat-boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.
Santa: [flying with his reindeer, led by Rudolph] Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer. (That's it! All I need is a reindeer.)
Narrator: (The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.)
Did that stop the old Grinch? No.
The Grinch simply said...
Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away] Oh, Maaaaaa-AAAAAAX!!
Narrator: So, he called his dog Max...
then he took some red thread...
and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
[The Grinch dresses Max with reindeer antlers and a red nose as Rudolph. He claps his hands, makes a gleeful giggle, takes off his Santa hat, and puts on a director's cap, mimicking Ron Howard, the movie's director.]
Grinch: [to Max as Rudolph] Alright, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with the red nose, and nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you, and you save Christmas. [Max stares at him blankly] No, forget that part. We'll improvise, just keep it kind of loosy-goosy. You hate Christmas, you're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas was a lousy ending. Way too commercial. [sits down on director's chair and holds up megaphone; amplified] ACTION! [Max pops off the red nose; jumps out of seat, ecstatic] BRILLIANT!! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! Why didn't I think of it?! [deadpan] Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.
Grinch: [arrives on the roof with Max] Come on, Max. It's our first stop.
Narrator: The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet]
He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
Grinch: [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2½ with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] ♪ LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAA!! ♪ [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]
Narrator: He got stuck only once... for a moment or two.
Grinch: Blasted water weight! Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]
Narrator: Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue...
Grinch: [to the narrator; breaking the 4th wall again] Shh! A little more stealth, please.
Narrator: (Right. Ahem.) [quietly] ...where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
Grinch: (Thank you.) These stockings...
Narrator: [normal voice] He grinned.
Grinch: ...are the first thing(s) to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings. Then the Grinch lowers a hose and sucks everything into his bag, as he chortles]
Narrator: Then he slunk to the icebox. [The Grinch hugs the fridge into place.]
Grinch: Slunk? [opens up the fridge; low growl]
Narrator: He eyed the Whos' feast.
He took the Who-Pudding. [The Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away.]
He took... the Roast Beast.
Grinch: [imitating football quarterback] HIIIKE!! [tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position]
Narrator: [as the Grinch messes everything up the fridge] He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch, he even took their last can of Who-Hash. [The Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal a last can of Who-Hash inside in it just as the camera cuts to Cindy opening her bedroom door.]
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
Grinch: And now...
Narrator: Grinned the Grinch.
Grinch: [snatches the tree] ...I'll stuff up the tree.
Narrator: And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove!
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
Cindy: Excuse me.
Grinch: Eee! [stops and hides behind the tree]
Narrator: The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter
who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
Cindy: Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree?
Narrator: But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick...
[Grinch coughs]
...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.
Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why-hy-hyy, my sweet little tot!
Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied.
Grinch: There's a light on this tree that won't... light on one side, so I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. [laughs and Cindy giggles]
I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it... back here.
Cindy: Santa, what's Christmas really about?
Grinch: [pops out through the tree, startling Cindy] Vengeance! Er, I mean... presents... I suppose.
Cindy: Hmm. I was afraid of that.
Narrator: And his fib fooled the child.
Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
Cindy: Santa?
Grinch: [sharply] What?!
Cindy: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy… but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.
Grinch: "Sweet"?! You think he's sweet?
Cindy: Merry Christmas, Santa.
[Grinch flinches, covers his ears and groans, but Cindy Lou goes back to bed.]
Narrator: And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup...
Grinch: Nice kid. Bad judge of character. (Now, where was I? Ah, right.)
Narrator: ...he went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! [the Grinch stuffs the tree up the Chimney, grabs the Christmas lights and goes up the chimney] (Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.)
And the last thing he took was the log for their fire.
On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house
was a crumb, that was even too small for a mouse.
Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant,
around each Who home, and he took every present.
Grinch: [uses a saw to cut a hole with a Christmas tree on top of it, and it falls down as he emerges from the hole] Clearance sale. Everything must go. [sucks up Christmas stuff even a cat on a chair; sees cat hair come out of switch; removes hose.] What... now? [shocked] Huh? [the cat attacks his face]
[The scene cuts to the Grinch snatching the ring in a box away from Martha, then forms an oval on the window with hands pressed by the glass while sucking on it. He opens the bedroom door to the Mayor of Whoville, and laughs in amusement, but quickly covers his mouth as Augustus talks in his sleep]
Augustus: Martha, have you ever kissed a man who lost his tonsils twice?
Grinch: [imitating Martha May Whovier] No, silly. [picks up Max] But it's an experience that I've always longed for. Kiss me, you fool! [This makes Max's grow big eyes, making the Mayor holding up bright teeth as the Grinch puts a hook on the bottom of the bed.]
Grinch: [noticing the sleigh had run out of gas because the bag is full; Max barks] Hmm. What are you laughing at... Rudolph? [later, up on Mt. Crumpit] It's all you, Maxie!
Narrator: 3,000 feet up.
Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.
He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.
Grinch: Okay, whoa! WHOOOAA!! [chortles and gets off the sleigh] We... DID IIITTTTTTTTT!!! [chanting] We did it, we did it! That wasn't so bad, was it, Max? [Max now whimpers once again] They'll be waking up now. [spots at the bottom of the edge view of Whoville] And I know just what they'll do. All those Whos down in Whoville, will all cry... [The Whos were now singing "Boo Hoo" sober about stolen Christmas]
Officer Houlihan: What an embarrassment! I've been robbed! [heads inside the police car, making the Mayor's bed come loose]
Mayor May Who: Whoa! Whoa! [the bed stops]
Office Houlihan: [gasps] Mayor May Who? Oh, dearest me.
Mayor May Who: Well... I wonder who could have done this. [One of the Whos help the Mayor put a robe on. He puts the robe on] I'll tell you people one thing: Invite the Grinch, destroy Christmas. [starts angrily pounding the bed] INVITE THE GRINCH, DESTROY CHRISTMAS! But did anyone listen to me?
Whobris: I did.
Mayor May Who: No. You choose to listen... [laughs sarcastically] ...to a little not-to-be-taken-seriously... [angrily] GIRL, who hasn't even grown into her nose yet. [angrily looks at Cindy] Cindy, I hope you're very proud... of what you've done.
Lou: If she isn't, I am. [the crowd gasps] I'm glad he took our presents.
Mayor May Who: [pause] What?
Lou: I... Well, I'm...I'm glad.
Mayor May Who: He's glad. [to Lou] You're glad. You're glad everything is, is gone. [chuckles] You're glad that the Grinch virtually wrecked-- No, no, no, not "wrecked", pulverized Christmas. Is that what I'm hearing from you, Lou?
Lou: You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor. Because it isn't about the, the gifts or the contests or the...fancy lights. Hey, that's what Cindy's been trying to tell everyone. [Cindy smiles] And me. She's been trying to tell me.
Mayor May Who: What is wrong with you. [gestures to Cindy] This is a child.
Lou: She's my child. And she happens to be right, by the way. [clicks tongue as he pokes Mayor May Who] Well, I don't need anything more for Christmas than this right here: my family. [the crowd goes "Aww...!"] Merry Christmas, everybody! [the crowd warmly says, "Merry Christmas!"]
Martha: Merry Christmas, you...hunk of burnin' Who! [kisses Lou, the crowd gasps in shock, Drew and Stu walk away in embarrassment]
Lou: Oh, gimme a break. [walks away]
Grinch: Now, for the final note in my symphony of downright nasty not-niceness, the crescendo of my odious opus! [starts pushing the sled] Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing]
Narrator: Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low.
Then it started to grow.
Grinch: Huh? Wha?
Narrator: But the sound wasn't sad.
Why, this sounded merry. (It couldn't be so.) But it was merry. Very.
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
was singing without any presents at all.
He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came.
Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!
Cindy: [looking up at the Grinch's sled] Mr. Grinch!
Narrator: And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.
Grinch: How could it be so?
It came without ribbons.
It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags!
Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch... thought of something... he hadn't before.
Grinch: Maybe... Christmas...
Narrator: He thought.
Grinch: ...doesn't...come from a store.
Maybe Christmas...perhaps... [warmly] ...means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max, help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]
Narrator: And what happened then?
Well, in Whoville they say
That the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
Grinch: [puts his hand by his body, sits up, begins crying, and bawls] What's happening to me? [stops crying as he notices the sun rising] I'm all... toasty inside. [feels a tear] And I'm leaking. [to Max] Oh, Max. I love ya! [as Max licks him] All right, that's enough. Knock it off. Beat it! Get out of here! [as he knocked Max off] One step at a time. [as the wind blows the sleigh, starting to slide in the top of the Mt. Crumpit, then Max barks alarmingly] Huh? [as he looked up at the sleigh starts to slide very slowly when the wind blows] Oh, no. The sleigh. The presents. They'll be destroyed...and I care! What...is the...DEAL?! Wait! [as he climbs up Mt. Crumpit] This can't happen! It shouldn't, it couldn't, it mustn't, it wouldn't! Not now, not then, not ever again! NOOOOOOOO!!! [in slow motion, he runs and jumps towards the sleigh and, at normal speed, rapidly crawls towards it and tries to save it, pulling it, but he gives up; to the camera] Oh, well. It's just toys, right?
Cindy: [emerges from the top of the pile] Hi, Mr. Grinch!
Grinch: [gasps in shock] Cindy-Lou? WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!
Cindy: I came to see you. No one should be alone on Christmas.
Grinch: [to Augustus May Who] No hard feelings. [Augustus gives the Grinch his hand to shake, but the Grinch pulls Augustus May Who's hand and guffaws; politely] Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas.
[last lines]
Narrator: So, he brought back the toys, and the food for the feast.
And he, he himself, the Grinch carved the Roast Beast.
Grinch: Yeah. [everyone cheers] There's nothing like the Holidays. Who wants the gizzard?!
Who: I do.
Grinch: Too late! That'll be mine.

Cast

[edit]

See Also

[edit]
[edit]
Wikipedia
Wikipedia
Retrieved from "https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=How_the_Grinch_Stole_Christmas_(2000_film)&oldid=3637953"