Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (film)

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For the 1966 animated cartoon, see How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (TV special).

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), directed by Ron Howard, book by Dr. Seuss, screenplay by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman.

Grinch[edit]

  • [Angrily] Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant.
  • One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
  • I am the Grinch that stole Christmas... and I'm sorry.
  • Oh, no. The sleigh, the presents, they'll be destroyed, and I care! What is the deal?! Wait!
  • [Frustrated] Ugh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE!
  • [After Martha say that her gifts are dazzling and The Grinch angrily ruined her new car] Of course, they are. That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been about! Gifts… gifts… Gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! Do you know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me... in your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump, and the avarice... the avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs! I want diamonds! I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored, and sell it to make glue!" Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is... stupid, stupid, stupid! [looks up to and advances towards Martha May Whovier] There is, however... 1... teeny-tiny... Christmas tradition... I find... quite... meaningful. [snatches up a sprig of mistletoe] Mistletoe. Now, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville! Boi-i-i-i-i-i-ing! [angrily puts a bit of mistletoe over his butt, and then waggles it; later shaves off the Mayor's hair] Uh, oh. Somebody's... fabulous! [kisses the Mayor]
  • [smashes a glass bottle and stuffs it into his mouth] Am I just eating because I am bored?
  • [singing] Tiiick tock, tiiiick tock.
    Counting down the Christmas clock.
    Old, young, big, small– [Realizes he's singing] RA-AAAAA-AUGH!!!
  • And then all the noise. All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE! They'll bang on tong-tinglers, blow their foo-flounders, they'll crash on jang-jinglers, and bounce on boing-bounders! (Then Who's young and old will sit down to a feast, and they'll feast and they'll feast.) [while jumping angrily] And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll eat their Who pudding and rare Who roast beast! It's something I cannot stand in the least. [realizing what he's said] Oh, noǃ I'M SPEAKING IN RHY-YME! AAAHHHH! BLAST YOU, WHOS! [sobs]
  • [The Grinch is causing chaos all over Whoville. He tries to signal a cab.] Taxi! [The taxi drives right by him] It's because I'm green, isn't it?!
  • [gasps] Cindy LouWHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!
  • [After the Grinch starts up his sleigh outside his cave] THIS IS NUTS! [Max barks] ON, CRASHER! ON, THRASHER! ON, VOMIT AND BLITZ–! [on the sleigh he made; freaking out] WE'RE GONNA DIE, WE'RE GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA THROW UP, AND THEN I'M GONNA DIE!!! MOMMY, TELL IT TO STOP!! [sobs, then calms down] Ha! Almost lost my cool there.
  • [joyfully] MERRY CHRISTMAS, ONE AND ALLǃ
  • [joyfully] Play, monkey! Play! [rides on a jackhammer while vocalizing] OWIE!!!
  • I asked for three-quarters, not 5/8th. Stay Focused!

Narrator[edit]

  • [first words of the movie] Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe.
    Way up in the mountains, in the high range of Pontoos, lay the small town of Whoville: The Home of the Whos.
    Ask any Who, and they'll have this to say, "There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day."
    Every window was flocked, every lamppost was dressed and the Whoville band marched in their Christmasy best.
    Arbor Day was fine and Easter was pleasant and every St. Fizzin's day, they ate a Fizz pheasant, but every Who knew, from their 12 toes to their snout they loved Christmas the most, without a single Who doubt.
  • Yes, every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot… but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville… did not.
  • The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.
    Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
    It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right.
    Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all… may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
  • Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do.
    In her head, bum-tumbled a conflict or 2 - "If the Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me? Maybe he wasn't so bad. Maybe. Just maybe."
  • Cindy Lou had some questions in her curious heart. Why did the Grinch hate Christmas? Where did it all start? With her dad's blabbacorder, she wouldn't give an inch. [Cindy Lou Who: In your own words, please tell me everything you know about the Grinch.]
  • So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos. [Grinch: ...Alphabetically. [points to name] Aardvarkian Abakenezer Who, I... HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [sees name in phonebook; venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers. It's their Whobilation.] He snarled with a sneer. [Grinch: Tomorrow is Christmas. It's practically here.]
  • The whipperwinds whipped high above the Who town.
    A trip or a slip, you'd slide all the way down, but this girl had a mission.
    She knew what to do. She'd invite the Grinch herself, that brave Cindy Lou.
  • [Clock Operator: Only 4 hours till Christmas!] Yes, the Grinch knew tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys. [Grinch: And then, oh, the noise! Oh, the noise, noise, noise, noise! They'll bang on tong-tinglers They'll blow their floo-flounders. They'll crash on jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders!] Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast. and they'll feast, and they'll feast. [Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll eat their Who-pudding and rare Who roast beast, which is something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I'm speaking in rhyme! Aah! Blast you, Whos! [sobs]] And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought [Grinch: I must stop this whole thing. Why for year after year, I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming! But how? I mean, in what way?]
  • [Grinch: [pulls Max out of snow, not noticing the snow beard] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well-- [stops; notices snow beard on Max] Then he got an idea; An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea. [Grinch: I know... just what to do. [cut to red fabric being cut by the Grinch]] The Grinch laughed in his throat... [Grinch: Ha.] ...and he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. [crunch; Grinch shouts in shock, in and sees his fingers sewn on the red fabric and faints.] And he chuckled and clucked at this great Grinchy trick. [Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! Ho, ho, ho!]
  • [Santa Claus: Ho-ho-ho!] [Grinch: Fat boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.] [Santa Claus: [flying with his reindeer] Merry Christmas!] [Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer.] Did that stop the old Grinch? No. The Grinch simply said: [Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away.] Oh, Ma-a-a-a-a-AXXXX!] So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
  • [Grinch: [arrives on the roof with Max] C'mon, Max. It's our first stop!] The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet] He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch. But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. [Grinch: [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2 1/2 with a combo tuck and pike… High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAAA!!! [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]] He got stuck only once... for a moment or 2. [Grinch: Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]] Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue... [Grinch: [to the narrator; breaking the 4th wall again] Shh. A little more stealth, please.] [whispering] ...Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row. [Grinch: These stockings...] [normal voice] He grinned. [Grinch: ...Are the first thing(s) to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings]]
  • Then he slunk to the icebox. [Grinch: [hugs the fridge into place.] Slunk. [opens up the fridge] He eyed the Whos feast. He took the Who pudding! [The Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away] He took... the Roast Beast! [Grinch: [imitating football player] HIKE! [tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position, and messes everything up the fridge]] He cleaned out the icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Grinch… he even took their last can of Who Hash. [The Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal a last can of Who Hash inside in it just as Cindy opens the door.] Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. [Grinch: And now...] Grinned The Grinch. [Grinch: [snatches the tree] ...I'll stuff up the tree! [walks to the fireplace with the Christmas tree] And the Grinch grabbed the tree as he started to shove... when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. [Cindy Lou Who: Excuse me.] [the Grinch stops, and hides behind the tree] The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water. [Cindy Lou Who: Santa Claus? What are you doing with our tree?] But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick... [Grinch coughs] ...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. [Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why, my sweet little tot.] The fake Santa Claus lied. [Grinch: There's a light on this tree...that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. [laughs, and Cindy giggles] I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it back here.] [Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what's Christmas really about?] [Grinch: Vengeance! Er, I mean... presents... I suppose.] [Cindy Lou Who: I was afraid of that.] And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
  • And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup... [Grinch: Nice kid. Bad judge of character.] ...He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. [the Grinch stuffed the tree up the Chimney, grabs the Christmas lights, and goes up the chimney] And the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls he left nothing but some hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house, was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home, and he took every present.
  • 3,000 feet up.
    Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.
    He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.
  • [Grinch: Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing] Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow. [Grinch: Huh? Huh?] But the sound wasn't sad. Why, this sounded merry. But it was merry. Very. Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small... were singing without any presents at all. He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. [Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!] [Cindy Lou Who: Mr. Grinch?] And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling. [Grinch: How could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags!] And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something...he hadn't before. [Grinch: Maybe...Christmas...] He thought... [Grinch: ...Doesn't... come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… [warmly] ...Means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max! Help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]] And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
  • [last lines] So he brought back the toys and the food for the feast.
    And he, he himself, the Grinch, carved the roast beast.

Cindy Lou Who[edit]

  • You're the, the, the, the– [Grinch: [imitating Cindy Lou Who] "The, the, the, the–" [normal voice; loudly] THE GRINCH!] Aah! [falls down a mail shaft] Help! [Grinch: Well...] Help! [Grinch: That worked out nicely.]
  • [Narrator: Cindy Lou had some questions in her curious heart. Why did the Grinch hate Christmas? Where did it all start? With her dad's blabbacorder, she wouldn't give an inch.] In your own words, please tell me everything you know about the Grinch.
  • Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree? [Narrator: But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick… [Grinch coughs] ...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.] [Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why-hy-hyy, my sweet little tot!] [Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied.] [Grinch: There's a light on this tree that won't... light on one side, so I'm taking it home to my w-wo-orkshop, my dear. [laughs and Cindy giggles] I'll fix it up there… and I'll bring it... back here.] Santa, what's Christmas really about? [Grinch: [pops out through the tree, startling Cindy] Vengeance! Er, I mean… presents... I suppose.] I was afraid of that. [Narrator: And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.] Santa? [Grinch: [sharply] What?!] Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean, and hairy and scary... His hands might be cold and clammy. But I think he's actually... sweet. [Grinch: "Sweet"!? You think he's sweet?] Merry Christmas, Santa.

Dialogue[edit]

The Grinch: [after Max scared off some teen Whos] Well done, Max! Serves them right, those yuletide-loving... sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! I really don't like 'em. Mm-mm. No, I don't. [eats an onion] MAX! [Max whimpers] Get my cloak. [Max runs back inside] I've been much too tolerant of these Who-venile delinquents, and their innocent, victim-less pranks. [rubs his pits with the onion] So, they wanna get to know me, do they? [throws away the onion] They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch. [turns to the camera] I guess I could use a little... social interaction. [shows off a sinister-looking smile]
[Scene cuts to Whoville with a view of Max and the Grinch's feet]
Whoville Bike Men: Merry Christmas!
The Grinch: Oh, yeah. You bet, and ho, ho, ho, and... stuff. [The bikers all fell down blocking traffic.] Oh my, someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see Max, the city is a dangerous place!
Narrator: The Grinch hated Christmas.
The whole Christmas season.
Who Officer: Top of the day.
Mr. Grinch: Flatfoot.
Narrator: Now, please, don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason.
Grinch: Hey, kids. Here's a present for you. Be sure to run real fast with it now. All right, come on. Double time. Let's go! Move, move, move, move, move!
Narrator: It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right.
Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all...
Who: Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Is it?
Narrator: ...May have been that his heart was 2 sizes too small.
Whoville Security Guard: Hey, stranger! Won't let you go until you buy a chapeau! [The Grinch pulls off his mask, burps on him, making him fall. The Grinch pulls his mask back on.]

Drew: Lou! Lou!
[All the teen Whos are covered in snow.]
Lou Who: What happened to you?
Stu: It was… THE GRINCH!!
[A record scratch sound effect is heard, blocking traffic again.]
Female People: Grinch!?!
The Grinch: What do you want? I mean… [mocks female voice] Grinch!? Oh, no!

Cindy Lou Who: I just don't understand so much. Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch?
Lou Who: [puts stuff inside] You kids and the Grinch! You see, Cindy…the Grinch is a Who who always, actually, not a Who! He's… more of a…
Cindy Lou: A What?
Lou: Exactly, honey. And he's a What who... doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at this mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card in or out… ever.
Cindy: But why?
Lou Lou Who: Well--
Post Office Person: Lou, where's my mail?
Post Office Person 2: Lou, I got the wrong mail here!
Post Office Person 3: Lou, I got the wrong mail!
Lou: Uh… I'll be right there. Whoop!
Post Office Person 4: We got a problem!
Lou: All right! We'll straighten this out.
Grinch: [at the back room of the post office with Max by the sorting machine] It'll take them years to sort this out. This is his and now it's yours, and this is hers and now it's his! [laughs schemingly] And for the rest of you… [turns around by the sorting machine, then starts throwing someone's mail in the wrong boxes] ...Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty! [throws more mail into the wrong boxes as he emits a light giggle of amusement] Gee-e-e-e-e-eee…!

Grinch: [as Max sneezes] Gesundheit.
Stomach: Oh, no.
[This causes Cindy Lou to scream, and the Grinch screams back, drags down to the ground.]
Cindy: You're the, the, the, the–
Grinch: [imitating Cindy Lou Who] "The, the, the, the–" [normal voice; loudly] THE GRINCH!
Cindy: Aah! [falls down a mail shaft] Help!
Grinch: Well...
Cindy: Help!
Grinch: ...that worked out nicely.
Cindy: Help! [big stamp stamps fragile on present] [muffled] Help me! Somebody!
Grinch: [to Max] Max, let's go. Our work here is finished. [chomps] Sheesh!
Cindy: Help me! Please! Help!
Grinch: [sees Max biting his own cloak] That is not a chew toy! Stop it, Max! Get that out of your mouth! You have no idea where it's been!
[Cindy screams, and a whistle blows]
Cindy: Help!
Grinch: [scowls; annoyed] Ohhh... Bleeding hearts of the world, unite!
Cindy: Help! Help!
Grinch: [saves Cindy] There. [takes goofy mask] Give me that! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO YOU!?! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU SOME KIND OF WILD ANIMAL?!? HUH?!
Cindy: [shaking her head] Uh-uh.
Grinch: [to Max] Let's go. [heads to the exit]
Cindy: Thanks for saving me.
Grinch: [screeches to a stop, fingers scrape against glass, turns around angrily] Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing?
Cindy: [nods] Uh-huh.
Grinch: [wags finger] Wrong-o. [grabs wrapping paper] I merely noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear! [begins wrapping Cindy Lou wildly in wrapping paper] DRAT! Hold still! [stops wrapping, to Max] Max, pick out a bow! [resumes wrapping Cindy Lou in wrapping paper, stops] Can I use your finger for a second?
Cindy: Hello? Hello!

Lou: [sees Lou covered in gift wrapping] What the hey? Honey? Cindy?
Cindy: [removes gift wrapping that the Grinch wrapped her up with earlier] Dad, it was amazing!
Lou: You've been practicing your Christmas wrapping. Honey, I'm so proud of you.
Cindy: Uh-- Oh. Well--
Lou: Now that's holiday!
Narrator: Sweet Cindy Lou didn't know what to do. In her head, a conflict or 2. "If the Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me? Maybe he wasn't so bad."
Lou: Come on, let's go home.
Narrator: "Maybe. Just maybe."

Grinch: [catapults the red bag at the picture of Augustus] OOOHHH!! Sweet. [singing] Be it ever so heinous, there's no place like home

Grinch: [with a tiny red heart on his X-ray] Yes! Down a size and a half! [breaks 4th wall to the audience watching] And this time, I'll keep it off. [frowns, and walks out of frame; to Max, shaking hand quickly] Get the stick, Max! Get the stick! [throws his hand towards Max's direction; Max barks and runs in that direction, while the Grinch laughs to himself] There's no stick! I'm smarter. [takes a running leap onto his bed] Any calls? [turns his phone on]
Phone: You have no messages.
Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing. [presses another button]
Phone Message (Grinch's voice): If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key. [phone beeps]
Grinch: Hmm. Hmm. [turns his machine off] Oh, well.

Grinch: I tell ya, Max. I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need... right here. Hello!
Echo: Hello, hello, hello…!
Grinch: How are you?
Echo: How are you, are you, you, you…?
Grinch: I asked you first!
Echo: I asked you first, you first, first, first…!
Grinch: [sarcastically] Oh right, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say!
Echo: ...Really mature, mature saying exactly what I say, I say, I say, say…!
Grinch: [thinks for a second] I'm an idiot!
Echo: YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, IDIOT…!
Grinch: [whispering] All right, fine. I'm not talking to you anymore. In fact, I'm going to whisper, so that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls and it gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it. [covers his ears]
Echo: [after a brief silence] YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, IDIOT…!
Grinch: [breaks and eats the bottle] Am I eating because I'm bored?

Narrator: So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave (on Christmas Eve)... hating the Whos.
Grinch: [brings out a Whoville phone book] Alphabetically. [raises finger, hits against name in book] Aadvarkian Abakenezer-Who, I... HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! [stops] Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. [pointing at various names] Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [pause, widens eyes, says venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY!! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers! [closes the book] It's their Whobilation!
Narrator: He snarled with a sneer.
Grinch: [shocked gasp] Tomorrow is Christmas.
It's practically here.
Max, fetch me my sedative! [inside his cave; with a hammer] Now, to take care of those pesky memories. [hits himself with the hammer and falls over, moaning]

Grinch: [trying to drown out the Whos' singing, turns on a mechanical monkey that plays cymbals] Play, monkey! Play! Play, play, play, playǃ [rides a jackhammer while vocalizing; he soon wipes out] OWWIEE!!
Cindy: [knocks the door] Mr. Grinch? Mr. Grinch! Hello? [comes into the Grinch's cave; she finds him standing with his head in the path of the monkey's cymbals, yelling gibberish each time they hit his head. Taps his shoulder] Excuse me?
Grinch: Hmm? [sticks his head out and grabs the monkey's cymbals; the monkey short-circuits and it powers down; turns slowly to Cindy with a furious look] Hello… little girl. [Angrily] How dare you enter the Grinch's Lair?! The impudence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready... FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-WOOGA!
Cindy: [calmly] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
Grinch: You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you!
Cindy: I'm not scared.
Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil? [makes psychotic growling noises]
Cindy: I don't think so!
Grinch: Doubt!? Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed. [jumps out of frame, then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animistic noises, ripping the shirt apart] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BEFORE I KILL AGAIN! [howls] I'm a psycho. [growls, puts shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically] Danger, danger! [suddenly stops as he is out of breath]
Cindy: Um... maybe you need a time-out. [giggles after the Grinch looks dumbfound]
Grinch: [aside, to the camera; breaking the 4th wall again] Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. [to Cindy] WHAT DO YOU WANT?! [echoes]
Cindy: Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you... to be Holiday Cheermeister.
Grinch: Uh... "Holiday who-bie whatie"?
Cindy: Cheermeister.
Grinch: Huh? "(Cordially invites you to be Holiday) Cheermeister (at the Whobilation 1,000 Celebration). Celebrate (and dine) with friends." [laughing] AAHH!! That's a good one.

Grinch: [screams] Nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there... on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! [opens his schedule] "4:00; Wallow in self-pity, 4:30; Stare into the abyss, 5:00; Solve world hunger." Tell no one. "5:30; (Jazz and exercise, or a.k.a.) Jazzercise. 6:30; Dinner with me." I can't cancel that again. "7:00; Wrestle with myself loathing…" I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness… but what would I wear?

Grinch: [spots on some flirting women] Are you 2 still living?

Grinch: [trying to find something to wear] Stupid, ugly, out of date! This is ridiculous! If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! [hears a yodeler and mugs him for his lederhosen] Ooh, ahh. Hmmm. That's it, I'm not going.

Mayor May Who: And now it's time for the Holiday Cheermeister Award! [Everyone cheered proud.] Congratulations, Mr. Grinch! [turns out the Grinch is not in the Whobilation] He isn't here! What? He didn't show? Who could've predicted this?
Grinch: [after standing grumpily with his arms crossed] All right. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta there. [heads for the door, then stops abruptly and returns nervously] But what if it's a cruel prank, what if it's a cash bar? How dare they? [scowls, then calms down] All right, I'll go. But I'll be fashionably late. No, yes, no, yes, no. Yes! [groans in frustration] Definitely not. [heading for the door with his hand behind his back] All right, I've made my decision - I'm going, and that's that! [shows his crossed fingers on his hand] Ah, had my fingers crossed. [Max pulls a lever, sending the Grinch falling through the rubbish chute towards Whoville] Maybe I should (have) flip(ped) a coin!

Clock Operator: Only 4 hours till Christmas!
Narrator: Yes, the Grinch knew.
Tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys.
Grinch: And then, all the noise!
All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!!
They'll bang on tong-tinglers.
They'll blow their floo-flounders.
They'll crash on jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders!
Narrator: Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast.
And they'll feast, and they'll feast.
Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!
They'll eat their Who pudding and rare Who roast BEAST… which is something I just cannot stand in the least.
Oh, no. I'm speaking in rhyme! Aah! BLAST YOU, WHOS![sobs]
Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought…
Grinch: I must stop this whole thing.
Why, for year after year, I've put up with it now!
I must stop this Christmas from coming, but how? [gasps] I mean, "In what way?". [gags, disguste; as he got home for the Whobilation, he sees Max dancing right behind the doghouse; to Max, snickering] Are you having a holly... jolly... Christmas? [throws Max and the doghouse out] WRONG-O! [picks up Max, who is covered in snow] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well--
Narrator: Then he got an idea, an awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful... awful idea.
Grinch: I know... just what to do.
Narrator: The Grinch laughed in his throat…
Grinch: Ha.
Narrator: …And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. [Grinch gasps] He chuckled and clucked at this great Grinchy trick.
Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! Ho, ho, ho! [singing] You're a mean one… Mr. Grinch!
You really are a
heel.
Singer: You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch!
You're a bad banana with a... greasy black peel! [scene cuts to the Grinch riding ziplines]
Just face the music, you're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Yes, you are!
Grinch: [singing] Your heart's an empty hoooooooole!
Singer: Your brain is full of spiders and you got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch.
Mmm…
I wouldn't touch you with a… 39 and a half foot pooooooooole!
[Max brings the Grinch a "5/8" spanner]
Grinch: I asked for 3/4, not 5/8. Stay focused! [The Grinch brings the 5/8 spanner back to Max.]
Singer: You know if you asked every Who's Who of Whoville…
No one would deny it. [Max presses the button, making the Grinch launch faster, until it ran over the "HIT HERE" button, making the singer cough]
Grinch: Ow. [lifts his head up after a dummy crash test] Airbag's a little slow… [Airbags came out.] But that's what these tests are for! [lifts his head back down]

Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho!
Grinch: Fat boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.
Santa: [flying with his reindeer... and Rudolph who's leading the way] Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer.
Narrator: Did that stop the old Grinch? No. The Grinch simply said…
Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away] Oh, Maaaaax-XXXX!!
Narrator: So he called his dog Max.
Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
[The Grinch dresses Max with reindeer antlers and a red nose as Rudolph. He claps his hands, makes a gleeful noise and puts on a director's cap.]
Grinch: [to Max... as Rudolph] Alright, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation - your name's Rudolph, you're the freak with the red nose and nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. [Max stares at him blankly] No, forget that part. We'll improvise, just keep kind of loosy-goosy. You hate Christmas, you're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas is a lousy ending! Way too commercial. [sits down on director's chair and holds up megaphone] ACTION! [Max knocks off the red nose. Jumping out of seat, ecstatic] BRILLIANT!! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of Commercialism! Why didn't I think of it?! Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.

Grinch: [arrives on the roof with Max] Come on, Max. It's our first stop!
Narrator: The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet]
Then he'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch… but if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
Grinch: [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2 and a half with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAA!! [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]
Narrator: He got stuck only once... for a moment or 2.
Grinch: Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]
Narrator: Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue…
Grinch: [to the narrator; breaking the 4th wall again] Shh! A little more stealth, please.
Narrator: [quietly] ...Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row.
Grinch: (That's better. Anyways...) These stockings...
Narrator: [normal voice] He grinned.
Grinch: ...Are the first thing(s) to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings]

Narrator: Then he slunk to the icebox. [The Grinch hugs the fridge into place.]
Grinch: Slunk. [opens up the fridge] Eee...
Narrator: He eyed the Whos' feast.
He took the Who pudding! [The Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away.]
He took... the Roast Beast!
Grinch: Hike! [tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position]
Narrator: [as the Grinch messes everything up the fridge] He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch… He even took their last can of Who Hash. [The Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal a last can of Who Hash inside in it just as Cindy opens the door.]
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
Grinch: And now…
Narrator: The Grinch grinned.
Grinch: [snatches the tree] ...I'll stuff up the tree! [tries to throw the tree away above the fireplace]
Narrator: And the Grinch grabbed the tree as he started to shove… when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
Cindy: Excuse me.
Grinch: Eee...! [stops and hides behind the tree]
Narrator: The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
Cindy: Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree?
Narrator: But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick… [Grinch coughs] ...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.
Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why-hy-hyy, my sweet little tot!
Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied.
Grinch: There's a light on this tree that won't... light on one side, so I'm taking it home to my w-wo-orkshop, my dear. [laughs and Cindy giggles]
I'll fix it up there… and I'll bring it... back here.
Cindy: Santa, what's Christmas really about?
Grinch: [pops out through the tree] Vengeance! [startling Cindy] Er, I mean… presents... I suppose.
Cindy: I was afraid of that.
Narrator: And his fib fooled the child.
Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
Cindy: Santa?
Grinch: [sharply] What?!
Cindy: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean, and hairy and scary... His hands might be cold and clammy. But I think he's actually... sweet.
Grinch: "Sweet"?! You think he's sweet?
Cindy: (Mm-hm.) Merry Christmas, Santa.
Grinch: Ee-ee-e...!
Narrator: And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup…
Grinch: Nice kid… Bad judge of character.
Narrator: ...He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. [the Grinch stuffs the tree up the Chimney, grabs the Christmas lights and goes up the chimney] (Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.) And the last thing he took was the log for their fire.
On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house was a crumb, that was even too small for a mouse.
Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home, and he took every present.
Grinch: [uses a saw to cut a hole with a Christmas tree on top of it, then slides down] Clearance sale… Everything must go. [sucks up Christmas stuff even the cat on a chair, and takes it out.] What now? [a cat attacks his face]
[The scene cuts to the Grinch snatching the ring in a box away from Martha, then forms an oval on the window with hands pressed by the glass.]
Mayor May Who: Martha, have you ever kissed a man who lost his tonsils twice?
Grinch: [imitating Martha] No, silly. [picks up Max] But it's an experience that I've always longed for. Kiss me, you fool! [This makes Max grow big eyes, making the Mayor holding up bright teeth as the Grinch puts a hook on the bottom of the bed.]

Grinch: [noticing the sleigh had ran out of gas because it's full] What are you laughing at…Rudolph? [later on Mt. Crumbit] It's all you, Maxie!
Narrator: 3,000 feet up.
Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.
He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.
Grinch: WHOOOAA…!! [gets off the sleigh] We DID IIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!! [chanting] We did it, we did it! [to Max] That wasn't so bad, was it, Max? [Max now whimpers once again] (Anywho… This year, they'll find out that no Christmas will be coming.) They'll be waking up now. [spots at the bottom of the edge view of Whoville] And I know just what they'll do - all those Whos down in Whoville, will all cry… [The Whos were now singing "Boo Hoo…" sober about stolen Christmas]
Officer Houlihan: What an embarrassment! I've been robbed! [heads inside the police car, making the Mayor's bed come loose]

Grinch: Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing]
Narrator: Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low.
Then it started to grow.
Grinch: Huh, wha?
Narrator: But the sound wasn't sad.
Why, this sounded merry… but it was merry… Very.
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, were singing without any presents at all.
He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming.
It came.
Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!
Cindy: Mr. Grinch…
Narrator: And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.
Grinch: How could it be so?
It came without ribbons.
It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags!
Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch... thought of something... he hadn't before.
Grinch: Maybe... Christmas…
Narrator: He thought.
Grinch: …Doesn't... come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max, help me! I'm... feeling… [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]
Narrator: And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say... that the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
Grinch: [puts his hand by his body, sits up and begins crying] What's happening to me? [notices the sun is going up] I'm feeling toasty inside… and I'm leaking.

Grinch: [to Mayor Who] No hard feelings… [laughs louder] Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas.

[last lines]
Grinch: There's nothing like the Holidays. Who wants the gizzard?!
Who: I do.
Grinch: Too late! That'll be mine.

Extended version[edit]

Cast[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]