Howard the Duck (film)
Howard the Duck (renamed Howard: A New Breed of Hero in the U. K.) is a 1986 American science fiction comedy film. The screenplay was originally intended to be an animated film based on the Marvel comic book of the same name, but the film adaptation became live action because of a contractual obligation. Although there had been several t. v. adaptations of Marvel characters during the preceding twenty-one years, this was the first attempt at a theatrical release since the Captain America serial of 1944.
- Written by Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz;
Based on Howard the Duck created by Steve Gerber and Val Mayerik;
Produced by Ian Bryce, Gloria Katz, Robert Latham Brown, and George Lucas; and
Directed by Willard Huyck.
- I'm a dead duck.
- That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck. Hey, let the female creature go! Every duck has his limit, and you, scum, have pushed me over the line.
- No one laughs at a master of quack-fu!
- Cleve-Land? Uh huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.
- Hey. If I had some place to go, I certainly wouldn't be in Cleve-Land.
- [seeing some hairless apes] They look hungry. Get 'em a banana.
- Listen, if you got blasted millions of miles through space, ended up on another planet, and were given an I.Q. test by a janitor, you'd be a little pissed off, too!
- I can't sit here on my tail feathers feeling sorry for myself.
- That's right: space rabies! One bite, and it's agonising death in fifteen seconds!
- "Hit my planet"? How about "hit my living room"?! Talk about invasion of privacy!
- I've had enough! I wanna see my lawyer! [Lieutenant Welker chuckles] I've got rights, you know! I'm suing!
- [guards are searching Howard] On my planet, we never say die; we say—not my shorts! You perverts!
- Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!
- You're ruffling my feathers! Put me down, you big, hairless ape.
- Great Duck in Heaven, is this the end of Howard?
- It's not nice to fool with a Dark Overlord!
- If God intended us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.
- Prepare to eat beak.
- Good bye, Duckworld.
- But if that's the way you want it, then so long, duckie!
- Come on, let's watch David Letterman.
- I just can't resist your intense animal magnetism.
- [to the Dark Overlord of the Universe possessing the body of Dr. Walter Jenning] You'll get the cheque?
- I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happier there. This world didn't treat you very good, but you saved it, didn't you?
One of the Dark Overlords of the Universe
- This Dark Overlord has possessed the body of Dr. Walter Jenning.
- I no longer need human food.
- You are about to witness the end of the old world and the birth of the new.
- This will mean the extinction of all existing life forms.
- An evil unlike any you can imagine is about to engulf the Earth.
- She took my eggs.
- [after using his fire eyes to blow up a diner kitchen] If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
- It's closing time!
- I have no license. I am not Jack.
- The Cosmos: [narrated while Howard is being drawn through a wormhole] The cosmos: countless worlds upon worlds, worlds without end. In these galaxies, every possible reality exists, and what is reality on any one world is mere fantasy on all others. Here, all is real and all is illusion. What is, what was, and what will be start here with the words, "In the beginning, there was Howard the Duck!"
- Cop: Shoot to kill!
- Trucker: Is this the key to your duckmobile?
- Lieutenant Welker: I want that duck, dead or alive.
- Phil Blumburtt: [attempting to analyze Howard]...This is amazing. Man's oldest fantasy! [imitating the SUPERMAN narrator] From across a sea of stars...Look! Up in the sky! It's...The Duck Who Fell to Earth!
- Beverly Switzer: Phil, you've got to help us. Seriously, what are we gonna do here?
- Phil: Nice Ducky. [squawking like Donald Duck] Me, Phil. You, Howard. We can be friends. Klaatu Barada Nikto!
- Howard T. Duck: [annoyed and confused] Undoubtedly one of Earth's greatest minds here.
- Beverly: Hey, Phil. Don't talk to him like that; he's just as smart as you are.
- Howard: Oh, now I'm really depressed.
- Phil: [into his microphone] Highly intelligent, perhaps even...Wait, that's it! We're about to see if the subject has any capabilities we don't normally find on Earth...Anything of the supernatural persuasion, as it were? Howard! [he produces a steel bar and holds it out to Howard] Can you bend this?
- Howard: What are you, crazy or something? [The bar clatters to the floor]
- Phil: [produces a 2X4 and holds it in front of Howard's face] Howard, can you burn a hole through this with some kind of eye-laser?
- Howard: Hey, you wanna see powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal ducks? What say I bite your nose off with my super-bill!
- Phil: Howard, quit holding out! I want you to concentrate and read my mind!
- Howard: Right. You're thinking..."They know I'm a phony. They know I'm a yo-yo." Tell me if I'm warm on any of these, Phil. [Beverly giggles]
- Phil: Next, I want you to look into the future and tell me what you see!
- Howard: I see...Myself, walking out that door! [He departs, with Beverly in tow]
- Phil: [coming backstage] Sorry I missed the show. I came with a pizza—[sees Howard] Howard! [speaks duck gibberish]
- Howard: Oi…
- Beverley: …vey.
- Dr. Walter Jenning: In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?
- Howard: Yeah. Where are my pants?
- Lieutenant Welker: You are going to go play sitting duck in a jail cell.
- Cop: Lieutenant, what's the charge, sir?
- Welker: Illegal alien.
- Howard: Alright, that's how it starts! police brutality!
- Beverly: [to cop] Hey, stop manhandling him!
- Dr. Jenning: Feels like something inside me…gnawing at my guts…what's wrong with me?
- Beverly: Well, what did you have for lunch?
- Dr. Jenning: I'm dead.
- Dark Overlord: Yes, you are.
- Howard: You think that's funny, Jenning?
- Dark Overlord: I am not Dr. Jenning any more! The transformation is complete! I am now someone else!
- Howard: Try telling that to your insurance company.
- Hostess: I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.
- Howard: Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.
- Dark Overlord: I told you, bird brain, I am not Jenning any more! I am one of the Dark Overlord of the Universe!
- Beverly: Dark Overlord of the Universe?
- Howard: That must be quite a responsibility.
- Dark Overlord: Soon, the Dark Overlords will engulf the Earth. Nothing human will remain here.
- Howard: Oh, yeah? Well, nothing duck's remaining here, either.
- Beverly: Howard may be a fucking duck, but you people are fucking animals! He's my boyfriend! [crowd quiets]
- Trucker: That's disgusting!
- Crowd: Yeah! [becomes rowdy again]
- Beverly: You're not making me proud to be a human!
- You will believe that a duck can talk.
- Trapped in a world he never made.
- A new breed of hero.
- More adventure than humanly possible.