ER (season 1)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11| Main

ER (1995–2005) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

24 Hours [1.01]

Benton: [showing Carter around the ER] This is Dr. Morgenstern. He's the head of ER. Watch out. He eats students for lunch.
Morgenstern: [shaking hands with Carter] David Morgenstern.
Carter: John Carter.
Morgenstern: [to Benton] Uh, when did that severed hand go up?
Benton: Vascular took it up an hour ago. I just hope they can do it right.
Morgenstern: [turning to Carter] Dr. Benton is one of the best residents we have. You learn everything you can from him, except attitude.
[Morgenstern leaves]
Benton: He didn't mean that.
Morgenstern: [offscreen] Yes, he did.

Benton: Do you know how to start an IV?
Carter: Uh, actually, no.
Benton: I thought you were third year.
Carter: I am, but all I've done is dermatology and psychiatry.
Benton: The well-dressed specialties, huh?

Carter: [sighs] I thought I was gonna be sick. [pause] I'm sorry.
Mark: Don't ever say you're sorry. See, there's two kinds of doctors: there's the kind that gets rid of their feelings, and the kind that keeps them. If you're gonna keep your feelings, you're gonna get sick from time to time. That's just how it works. [pause] Keep your head down. [pause, squats down beside Carter] People come in here and they're sick and dying and bleeding, and they need our help. Helping them is more important than how we feel.
[Carter nods]
Mark: But it's still a pain the ass sometimes.
[Carter laughs]
Mark: Sometimes, I just want to quit and do something else. [looks at Carter and smiles] Yeah. [pause] Why don't you take a few more minutes?
Carter: [nods] Okay.
Mark: By the way, I was in medical school with Benton. He used to get sick all the time. So don't let him give you any crap. You'll be fine.

Patient: Are you married?
Susan: No, I'm a doctor.

Carol: [as she enters the lounge and all the doctors stare at her] Is something wrong?
Benton: Oh, you bet there is. We're out of coffee again because the nurses have been taking it, that's what's wrong.
Carol: So, make some more.
Benton: Make some more? We work 36 hours on, 18 off, which is 90 hours a week, 52 weeks a year. For that, we are paid $23,739 before taxes, and we also have to make the coffee?
Carol: My heart is breaking.

Day One [1.02]

Benton: [Carter memorizes and gives him a H&P on a patient] Mother's maiden name?
[Carter looks at notes]
Haleh: He's joking.

Mark: [about Carol's suicide attempt] It's not your fault, Doug. You're going to have to forgive yourself sooner or later.

Doug: I thought you were some kind of saint. I was going to start calling you Mahatma.

Going Home [1.03]

[Earlier, Carol had attempted suicide by overdosing]
Carol: I'm here to unload that new shipment of barbituates.
Susan: Hey! [she goes over and hugs her] At least you didn't kill off your sense of humor.
Carol: No, just a few brain cells.
'Jerry: Hey...
Carol: Hey, Jerry.
[they share a huge hug]
Carol: Jerry... Jerry... you're killing me!
[he lets her go and they all laugh]
Jerry: Not like you haven't tried already.

Hit and Run [1.04]

Carter: You ever get used to this?
Benton: Used to what?
Carter: Going on three hours sleep.
Benton: Anything more than three hours and I'm sluggish all day.

Mark: I was embraced by two men today. I find that highly unusual.
Susan: Some guys have all the luck.

Walt: [to Benton] No, don't hand me that OR crap, already know how important your job is compared to the small events of my life.

Into that Good Night [1.05]

Sam: How's your heart?
Mark: Pretty good shape.
Sam: Want to lend it to me for the weekend? Naw. You got better things to do with it. Do 'em all. You never know when you'll get the chance.

Carter: What's he doing?
Susan: Practicing one-handed knots. He'd do it with his teeth if he could.
Benton: No I wouldn't. You can't wear a glove on your teeth.

Sarah: My mom says my dad's gonna die.
Mark: Yes, he is.
Sarah: Why can't you fix him?
Mark: We can't fix everything.

Susan: At your age, Ryne Sandberg was retired.
Doug: At my age, Mozart was dead.

Carol: Doug. They called from Neonatal if you want to take a look at the Niemeyer preemie. He's gonna be okay.
Doug: God smiled on him.
Carol: Since when do you believe in God?
Doug: Well, I've been contemplating my insignificance in the universe.
Carol: I thought you were the center of the universe.
Doug: Not always.

Chicago Heat [1.06]

Mark: [about dead body in hallway]] Jerry, if this guy's still here in the morning, why don't we get some shovels and bury him in the parking lot.

Rachel: Did you make him all better?
Benton: Who?
Rachel: The boy in the green room.
Benton: [to Mark] The gunshot victim.
Mark: They tried really hard, Rachel, but he died.
Rachel: Will his mommy be sad?
Mark: Very sad.
Rachel: [to Benton] Are you sad?
Benton: Yeah.
Rachel: If you're sad, why aren't you crying?
[Benton kneels beside Rachel.]
Benton: I am. [touches Rachel's heart.] Right here.

Rachel: If I got hurt, would you fix me?
Mark: Yes, I would.
Rachel: You wouldn't let me die?

Rachel: My daddy's your doctor.
Kanesha: He helped me be better.
Rachel: [whispers] That's what doctors do.

[A car has slammed through the ER doors.]
Doug: Jerry, call security. Somebody's in my parking space.

Another Perfect Day [1.07]

Mark: We're going to have to do a lumbar puncture. You ever done one?
Carter: Uh no, but I've seen it done.
Mark: See One, Do One, Teach One.

9 1/2 Hours [1.08]

Mae Benton: Carter? You got people in Tennessee?
Carter: On my father's side.
Mae Benton: I think his people owned our people.

ER Confidential [1.09]

Doug: I'm not a grownup doctor.
Lydia: We all know that, but everyone else's busy.

Blizzard [1.10]

[Carol is pushing a biker in a wheelchair.]
Carol: You know what we call motorcycles around here, Ace?
Patient: No. What?
Carol: Donor-cycles.
Patient: [laughs] Donor-cycles. I like that.
Carol: You would.

Morgenstern: How are we doing?
Doug: One step ahead of the Reaper.
Morgenstern: Thats all you can ask for.

The Gift [1.11]

Carter: Oh God, I killed Santa.

Doug: [to Carol] Tell him that you don't love me. Tell him that you don't think about me when you're with him.

Happy New Years [1.12]

Hicks: When I was a resident, I was always worried about getting people's approval, the attendings', the patients', maybe because I was a woman, a black woman. Life was a lot easier once I got over it. Don't let the patients get to you, Dr. Lewis. We treat them as soon as we can and there's no need to apologize for how long it takes. We are a busy hospital, not a restaurant.

Luck of the Draw [1.13]

[Deb Chen is performing a rectal.]
Carter: How's it going in there, Deb?
Chen: I'm stuck.
Carter: Deb?
Chen: Yes?
Carter: Did you use a lubricant?
Chen: Was I supposed to?

Morgenstern: That's what I love about you, Peter: Naked ambition tempered by arrogance.

Haleh: [discussing Deb's examination of an unconscious Carter] The term isn't average male genitalia, it's normal male genitalia.

Doug: [talking about Linda Farrell] Serious? Our longest phone conversation is "Get over here."

Long Day's Journey [1.14]

Diane: Dr. Ross...
Doug: Doug.
Diane: Before you try any harder, Cindy Sadwick is a very good friend of mine.
Doug: Mm-hmm. How is Cindy?
Diane: Well, she can't say your name without adding a few words I don't want my son to hear.
Doug: Tell her I said "hello."

Feb 5, '95 [1.15]

Carter: You ever put in a foley?
[Deb shakes her head.]
Carter: You're in for a treat.

Mark: [in a noisy helicopter] Hell of a life, isn't it?
Paramedic: What?
Mark: It's a hell of a life.
[The paramedic points to his ear.]
Mark: I said, I want to have sex with your wife.
[The paramedic gives a thumbs up.]

Benton: Carol! [drops chart on desk]
Carol: Careful!
Benton: I'm having problems with Haleh.
Carol: So I heard.
Benton: I'd like you to reschedule her, so we don't have to work together anymore.
Carol: From what I hear, you're the one that needs to be rescheduled.
Benton: So, what does that mean? You won't do it?
Carol: No, I won't. The nursing schedule is my prerogative.
Benton: Even if that situation is endangering patient care?
Carol: You work every day and every third night. Haleh's got four kids to support. When is she supposed to work?
Benton: The woman refuses to follow my instructions!
Carol: Why should she? You're still in training, remember? She already graduated.
Benton: Oh, come on, Carol, don't give me that! I mean, we are not equals!
Carol: Look, she may not know how to cross-clamp an aorta, but Haleh has been working in emergency medicine for twenty years and if you would ever hop off that pedestal you've put yourself on, you might see that the nurses make this place work, not you.

Make of Two Hearts [1.16]

Chen: You know, it was pretty cool the way you were giving it mouth-to-mouth.
Carter: Yeah? Thank you.
Chen: You know, they say the dog's mouth is the cleanest part of its body.
Carter: What do they say about its nose?

The Birthday Party [1.17]

Benton: [after using the fire extinguisher on a psych patient] When you're finished making new friends, Dr. Freud Sparky there will need an eyewash and a shower.

Carter: I had a question about next year's Trauma Sub-I.
Benton: What about it?
Carter: Well, I understand that 12 students have alreay applied, and I was wondering... if I was interested, if you can tell me what my chances would be.
Benton: Twelve people have applied, right?
Carter: Right. Yeah, with me, it'd be thirteen.
Benton: Then, I'd say your chances are one in thirteen. [he walks away]
Mark: You walked into that one.
Carter: Yeah...

Sleepless in Chicago [1.18]

Benton: Where's Deb?
Carter: She's sick.
Benton: Who said she could be sick?

Ross: So, I hear you're fostering Tatiana.
Carol: You gonna try and talk me out of it like everyone else?
Ross: No, I think it's a wonderful thing what you're doing.
Carol: Really?
Ross: Absolutely. I always said you'd make a great mother.

Benton: Carter, you are wasting your time. You don't think like a surgeon.
Carter: Why, because I don't think like you?

Love's Labor Lost [1.19]

Mark: How do I deliver this baby?
Susan: Are you asking me?
Mark: No, I'm asking God.

Chen: Everyone's so old and sick around here.
Carter: Yeah. This is a hospital.

Dr. Janet Coburn: [Looking at Carter who has his hand inside a woman's abdomen] Who is this and what's he doing in there?
Carter: John Carter. I'm a med student and I'm pressing on the aorta.

Full Moon, Saturday Night [1.20]

Jenn: People die, Mark. You do the best you can. You're human.
Mark: I'm not supposed to be.
Jenn: Sure you are. You're the only one who doesn't know it.

Carol: Hey, every full moon should be ladies' night.
Susan: Yeah, we were terrific.
Carol: Like Thelma and Louise, man.
Susan: More like Lucy and Ethel.

Susan: Ah, midnight, the witching hour. Let's make room for the punks, skunks and drunks.

Dr. William 'Wild Willy' Swift: A patient presents to ER, ptosis, myosis and hydrosis. Dr. Ross, what does that bring to mind?
Doug: The Osis sisters. I dated the short one.

Chen: John, could you please help me with a patient?
Carter: Why, is it a procedure you've already done?
Chen: No. It's a guy who's really drunk, smashed his finger in a car door and he's pawing at me. He also smells terrible.
Carter: And you have a problem with that?

House of Cards [1.21]

Mrs. Benton: Your skills and talents are God's gift to you. What you do with them is your gift back to God.

Chloe: I don't want to give you any trouble.
Susan: Yeah, right.
Chloe: Ronnie sold my stuff.
Susan: [sarcastically] You're kidding. I'm shocked!
Chloe: You were so right about him. Actually, you were right about all of them.
Susan: Yeah, well... They're basically the same person.

Men Plan, God Laughs [1.22]

Mark: What's Benton doing?
Carter: Out looking for Dr. Dyer. It's about his mother though. Figures if he can't make her better then he'll fix everything else.
Doug: Carter, I think you took one too many Psych classes.

Benton: Thank you.
Carter: Excuse me?
Benton: I said "thank you".
Carter: I know. I just wanted to hear you say it twice.

Mark: Mr. Reicher, can you hear me? You're gonna be fine. You drank yourself into an ulcer, and now the taxpayers are gonna buy you out of it.

Chloe: I'm gonna be somebody's mother.
Susan: If Mom can do it, you can.
Chloe: At least I didn't drink sangria all day.
Susan: Or smoke four packs of Luckys. [pause] And we turned out okay.
Chloe: And Mom didn't have you to help her.

Susan: Why do nurses wear colors and doctors wear white?
Carol: Because doctors are pure and good.
Doug: Does that include me?
Carol: No.

Love Among the Ruins [1.23]

Jerry: I'm going to play Romeo.
Lydia: Comic version?
Jerry: No.
Lydia: Oh.

Haleh: Peter, got a two-fer.
Benton: [Not paying attention] Alright, let's hear it.
Haleh: [Referring to the patients who have billiard balls stuck to their mouths] Apparently, this one did it on a dare. 'When the paramedics asked what happened' 'this one re-enacted the crime.'
Jerry: Do we have names?
Haleh: Yeah, dumb and dumber.

Motherhood [1.24]

Susan: Never thought I'd deliver my own niece.
Carol: On Mother's Day no less.

Susan: Where're you going on your honeymoon?
Carol: Tag's going to Paris. I'm going to Hawaii.
Susan: Can I go with you?
Carol: Sure. You can leave Chloe and the baby with his 15 cousins.
Susan: Good. Thanks.
Carol: I might stay.
Susan: In Hawaii?
Carol: Yeah.
Susan: Okay. I can do that. Do you think Tag will mind?
Carol: He'll get over it. You don't think Chloe will mind?
Susan: I don't think Chloe will notice.
Carol: You think anyone noticed we're gone?
Susan: Probably. You think we should head back?
Carol: Probably.

Everything Old is New Again [1.25]

Carol: What's wrong with me? Why can't I fall in love with a nice guy? Someone who loves me, who wants to be with me, who is honest and decent?
Doug: Mmm... And boring.
Carol: God, he was dull!
[They both laugh]

Carol: [to her guests at the wedding] I don't know what to say. I don't know what the future holds. But I guess I'm just lucky to be alive and have so many good friends who care for me. It's been a wonderful year because of all of you.
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