ER (season 3)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Dr. Carter, I Presume [3.01]

Dr. Melvoin: [to the interns] You are wedges. The wedge is the most primitive tool known to man. That is you. You think you know what you're doing? Believe me, you don't. Breakfast with your senior surgical resident, Dr. Benton, begins in 15 minutes. Dr. Benton is an intern's worst nightmare. He's smarter than you, he never eats, never sleeps, and he reads every medical journal no matter how obscure. He is the Antichrist, Beelzebub, Lucifer, a devourer of wedges. You'll go to sleep at night wishing plague and pestilence on his unborn children, and you will wake up every morning praying for his approval. You won't get it. Welcome to hell, ladies and gentlemen.

Carol: Dopamine? Do you want Dopamine?
Carter: I don't know. I don't know. Somebody call a doctor!
Carol: You are the doctor.

Kerry: [about the nurses] They can make your life easier or they can make it miserable. Whatever you did, I suggest you apologize immediately.
Carter: I didn't do anything.
Kerry: Apologize anyway.

Let the Games Begin [3.02]

Benton: Where's Carter?
Haleh: Do I look like his mother?

Susan: Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?
Carol: It's just like a big moped, right?
Susan: I guess...

AIDS Clinic Doctor: There are a lot of diseases that can take your life. But this one can take over your life.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell [3.03]

Benton: What makes you think you can attend a surgery behind my back?
Gant: Simon needed an intern.
Benton: I'm your resident. You don't blink without asking me.

Jeanie: I need to know if you're planning to tell anyone that I'm positive.
Benton: No, I'm not. Jeanie, look, I don't agree with what you're doing, but how you handle your patients, that's your responsibility.
Jeanie: Thank you.
Benton: But I want you to stay away from my patients and I don't want to be in a trauma room with you.

Gant: So, do you always vomit when you screw up?
Carter: Only when I get written up by the Chief of Staff.

Gant: Benton's no Mr. Rogers.
Benton: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood boys and girls.

Last Call [3.04]

Mark: I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided to be spontaneous.

Carol: Mark, Doug lives his own life.
Mark: That's kind of the problem.
Carol: I'm just saying we can't live it for him.

Ghosts [3.05]

Jeanie: [to Al] A man came in today. He sat there and watched his wife die, and he helped her to die, because she was in so much pain, and he loved her. [gets angry] But we didn't have that kind of marriage, did we, Al. We didn't love, we didn't cherish, we didn't respect and now you've killed me!

[the lights flicker]
Mark: Jerry!
Jerry: I called maintenance 4 times; they're working on it.
Susan: Ohhh, maybe it's the ghost from the 5th floor.
Mark: Not you, too.
Lydia: It's a true story, Mark! It's up there!
Susan: Poor guy, still pining away for the woman he loved.
Lydia: I thought he broke her heart.
Susan: Broke his own heart is more like it.
Mark: And how do you know this?
Susan: Because that's the story. It was Halloween night, the 1930s or something, up on the 5th floor. There was rain and thunder and lightning... he was a doctor, she was an intern...
Lily: She loved him, didn't she?
Susan: [nods] But a really wealthy, handsome patient had fallen in love with her, and asked her to marry him.
Chuny: What did she say?
Susan: She didn't know what to say. So... she told the doctor.
Chuny: What did he say?
Susan: He said nothing.
Lily: I thought he loved her!
Susan: He did love her, but he just stood there, he couldn't get the words out. And then, after she walked across the room, she turned back and looked at him... she put her hand to her lips, and blew him what would be their first and only kiss. They say it blew through him like a rush of cold wind.
Chuny: That's so sad!
Jerry: What happened?
Susan: Unfortunately, the doc fell out the 5th floor window, so that's kind of it.
Mark: Well, I'm sure they worked on him in the O.R. for awhile.

Doug: You know what? I'm not going to say anything about that physics book.
Carol: Oh, God, it was probably a stupid idea anyway.
Doug: Hey, if that's what you want to do... If I can make it, anyone can.
Carol: Thanks.

Jerry: Dr. Greene, I'm gonna remind you one more time...
Mark: I'm on my way. I'm gonna take Susan with me for protection.
Susan: Protection from what?
Mark: Ghost up on the 5th floor.
Susan: Why do we have to go up there?
[They step onto the elevator]
Mark: Guy gorked off, I have to pronounce him. You're not scared, are you?
Susan: Of course not.
[the lights go out and the elevator stops]
Susan: ...Mark?
Mark: Susan?
Susan: Oh good, you're still there.
Mark: Where would I go?
[Susan nervously laughs]

Gant: Benton hates my guts.
Carter: No, I think he likes you. He just has difficulty showing it.

Fear of Flying [3.06]

Gant: We're all human. We all make mistakes.
Benton: Any other words of wisdom, Gant?
Gant: You're a real prick, you know that?

[Dr. Lewis and Dr. Greene are walking up to the helipad]
Susan: Ohh, God...
Mark: The flight rotation was like the highlight of my residency. You'll be fine.
Susan: I'll be thousands of feet in the air, in something shaped like a baked potato with a frat beanie on it.
Mark: Actually, it's only hundreds of feet.
Mark: What are you doing?
Susan: Hyperventilating. Leave me alone!

Mr. Brazil's Caregiver: I've been Mr. B.'s caretaker for 20 years. He wants to be cryogenically preserved when he de-animates.
Jeanie: He wants to what?
Pickman: Be put on ice when he croaks.
Jeanie: Frozen?
Pickman: Like a popsicle.

Dr. Keaton: I'm sorry, I should have never left you unsupervised. There are nuances in neonatal surgery. The liver's more friable in newborns.
Benton: I wanted a clean field before I closed.
Dr. Keaton: Yeah, you said that.
Benton: It seemed appropriate.
Dr. Keaton: What's at issue here is that you ignored my specific instructions.
Benton: I didn't ignore anything! I followed standard operative procedure. Look, I've done it at least a dozen times in other patients.
Dr. Keaton: This is not "another patient"! This is an infant! Outside, now.
[they step out of the NICU and into the hall]
Dr. Keaton: You don't know anything about pediatric surgery!
Benton: Look, I thought it was necessary -
Dr. Keaton: Are you unwilling to learn from your mistakes?
Benton: It doesn't say in the text not to stitch a liver!
Dr. Keaton: It isn't in the text! You didn't know what the hell you were doing! The second you realized you screwed up you should have called me. Why did I find 3 stitches in there?
Benton: Because I tried to -
Dr. Keaton: Because you arrogantly and blindly think that you have all the answers! If that baby dies, it'll be my responsibility, but it'll be your fault!

No Brain, No Gain [3.07]

Carol: [about Mark & Susan] I wish you guys would just get married.
Mark: What?
Carol: You're perfect for each other. You almost went on a vacation together.
Mark: You knew about that?
Carol: Mark, everybody knew about that.

[Mark is hiding behind a cart, watching Susan talk to Dr. Morgenstern]
Carol: Mark, what are you doing?
Mark: You see what I see?
Carol: Susan's talking to Morgenstern. So what?
Mark: He's stroking himself, puffing out his chest, just like a Slender-Billed... something-or-other. She's giving him full-frontal neck.
Carol: What are you talking about?
Mark: You'd know if you were a nuthatch.
Carol: Mark, you okay?
Mark: She turned me down.
Carol: Susan?
Mark: Now I know why. Oh God, she's stroking her neck.
Carol: So?
Mark: So why doesn't she just bend over and shake her tail feathers right in his face?

Mark: She and Morgenstern are going out. I can handle that. What bothers me is that she didn't tell me.
Carol: If I were going out with Morgenstern, I wouldn't tell anybody.

Mark: You wanted to see me?
Doug: Yes I did... how many shifts do you work each week, four?
Mark: Yeah.
Doug: If we don't work the same shifts, we'll get along great.
Mark: Is this about that patient's father?
Doug: This is about your inability to respect my decisions.
Mark: Doctors disagree sometimes Doug, you can't take it personally.
Doug: It's entirely personal Mark, you've been on your moral high horse ever since I came in with Nadine Wilkes.
Mark: Well, what do you expect when you drag your dirty laundry through the door?
Doug: But it's not personal... right? Who are you kidding?

Rhonda: It was an honest mistake, a mix up.
Carol: It was the most incompetent, horrifying thing I've ever seen. And because you didn't ice the foot, they can't reattach it.
Rhonda: Please, don't write me up.
Carol: Are you kidding? If anyone deserves to be written up, it's you.
Rhonda: Alright. Go ahead. Do their dirty work for 'em. That's just what they want.
Carol: Whose dirty work?
Rhonda: [Closes the door] Hospital administration. I'm nine months away from getting my maximum pension and they're trying to force me out. That's why they keep floating me down here where I don't know what I'm doing.
Carol: You're right. You don't know what you're doing.
Rhonda: They want to get rid of people like me and replace 'em with cheaper, less experienced aides.
Carol: If they know the difference between a football and a foot, I'll take them.
Rhonda: I am not gonna let you put me through the humiliation of a review board. Not after 22 years.
Carol: Watch me.
Rhonda: [Snatches the write up] Don't bother. [Rips the form] I quit.

Union Station [3.08]

[Lydia places a large box on the desk of the nurses' station]
Susan: Hey, what's in the box? Bridal shop?
Haleh: Did you and Al finally set the date?
Lydia: No, the opposite.
Connie: She broke off with Al.
Lydia: I'm returning this ridiculous fake virgin outfit, and they'd better not offer me store credit!

Mark: [chasing after Susan's train, shouting] Susan! Susan! Susan!
Susan: Mark!... My God, are you okay? You came to say goodbye?
Mark: No... stay. I want you to stay.
Susan: But, Mark, I...
Mark : I love you. And I'm stupid for not saying it before.
Susan: No, it's OK. I knew. In a way I knew.
Mark: We belong together. Tell me you don't feel the same.
Susan: I'm sorry.
Mark: We're right together.
Susan: Mark, you are my best friend in the whole world, I don't know how I'm gonna make it without you.
Mark: Don't go!
Susan: I have to. I don't belong here anymore, I have a new life, it's going in a different direction.
Mark: Susan... I don't want to lose you!
[they kiss and Lewis boards the train]
Susan: I'll never forget you. [As the train begins to pull away] I do love you!
Mark: What?
Susan: I love you... bye!

Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies [3.09]

Carol: Have you seen Mark? Is he okay?
Doug: Put it this way, he called a staff meeting.
Carol: Mark Greene?
Doug: Yep.
Carol: Glasses? Receding hair line? Broken heart?
Doug: That's the one.

[Carol is studying with William]
Carol: [reading] "A man pushes a vacuum cleaner with a force of 70 Newtons at a 45-degree angle, and moves the vacuum cleaner 5 meters. How much work has he done?" Well... let's start with the unlikelihood of a man pushing a vacuum cleaner.

Doug: So, Natalie, you get a lot of ear infections, do you?
Natalie: Can you just give me the Amoxicillin? I have a playdate.
[Dr. Ross begins to examine her ears]
Natalie: You don't need to look! Just give me the antibiotic! Augmentin will be just fine if you're worried about resistance!
Doug: You know a lot of things about a lot of things, don't you, Natalie?
Natalie: Yes, I do.
Doug: So do you want to tell Nurse Hathaway about Coulomb's law?
Carol: Ah, that's the fundamental law of electrostatics, which states that the force between two charged particles is directly proportional to the product of their charges.
Doug: And inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. Isn't that right, Natalie?
[Natalie glares at Dr. Ross]

Doug: It looks like snow.
Carol: It smells like snow.
Doug: Carol, what does that mean?
Carol: You can smell snow coming. It has a smell.
Doug: It smells like burritos.
Carol: Look, what are we going to do about Mark?
Doug: Put him on a plane or have him killed.
Carol: I don't think I can take this much longer, you know? Maybe you should talk to him.
Doug: I talked to him once, he said he was okay. Ask him again, it gets a little weird.
Carol: Ohh, you'd be violating the guy code.
Doug: Guy code?
Carol: Yeah, of noncommunication.

Al Boulet: Living with AIDS... that's nothing, but... knowing I gave it to you... there's no pill for that. I just have to face it. Every day. Hating me might feel good, but it won't change anything.
Jeanie: It doesn't feel good, Al. Nothing about this feels good.

Homeless For the Holidays [3.10]

Maggie: I think your jaw is broken. The antibiotics will keep bacteria from getting into your bloodstream at the fracture site. But, looking at your chart here, I guess you know the drill, huh? Humerus fracture, 1993. Nasal fracture, 1993. Multiple visits for sutures, 1994, and your first broken jaw was in December 1995. I guess hubby thought he'd go out with a bang this year too, huh?
Beth Lang: It was an accident.
Maggie: Yeah. Your face got in the way of his fist.

Carol: [to Jeanie] I swallowed a bunch of pills a few years ago. When I got back to work, people either smothered me with kindness or treated me like I was invisible. If we aren't friends, maybe we should be.

Kerry: We're talking policy here, people. "Employee X" could be any one of us.
Jeanie: Excuse me. Just would everyone stop calling me "Employee X"? I am HIV-positive.

Carol: [Trauma patient won't let go of a cooked goose] You gotta give me the goose now so we can attach an EKG to your chest.
Miss Understood, Drag Queen: You want me to give you my Christmas dinner? Uh uh, Miss Thing!
Carol: Give me the damn bird.
Miss Understood, Drag Queen: Well, where you gonna put it?
Carol: With the rest of your personal belongings.
Miss Understood, Drag Queen: Well, you better, 'cause I don't want to wake up and find you *pickin' your teeth*!

Maggie: [after Jeanie puts a star on top of the ER's Christmas tree] It looks good. Where'd you get it?
Jeanie: My ex-husband brought it by. It came off our first Christmas tree.
Maggie: That's an heirloom. You should put it on your family tree.
Jeanie: [with a smile] I just did.

Night Shift [3.11]

Carter: Benton was out of line.
Gant: Was he?
Carter: Way out of line.
Gant: I felt like punching out the bastard.
Carter: That would have been unwise.

Benton: I came by to see if you'd reconsider writing me a recommendation. I mean, you've always complimented my surgical skills and with a recommendation, I could get another Pediatric rotation.
Dr. Keaton: And if I don't?
Benton: What do you mean if you don't?
Dr. Keaton: Will you report my relationship with Dr. Carter?
Benton: You think I'm threatening you?
Dr. Keaton: Are you?
Benton: Dr. Keaton, if your recommendation isn't based on my abilities as a doctor, I don't want it.

Mark: Shelly, if you do have meningitis and we don't treat you, you could die.
Shelly Dunleavy: Die, cry, let me fry.
Mark: Do you know where you are?
Shelly Dunleavy: In the hospital, talking to Dr. Greene with a head like a bean.
Mark: Do you know what day it is?
Shelly Dunleavy: Thursday, January 16th. Bing! Correct! Alex Trebek. Next: "Stupid Questions" for 200.

Psych Intern: Shelly, can you spell "world" backwards?
Shelly Dunleavy: U-O-Y-W-E-R-C-S
[Dr. Greene and the intern look confused]
Lydia: "Screw you." Backwards.

[When the doctors are saving a man who was hit by the L-train and his beeper goes off]
Malik: Whose beeper is that?
Benton: It's coming from the patient.
Malik: [looking at the beeper] Lydia, what number did you page Gant to?
Lydia: This room, 3376.
Malik: That's the number on this pager.
Maggie: [Takes the pager from Malik. Realizes] Oh, my God.
Carter: What?
Maggie: The patient! It's Gant!
Carter: [Beat. Carter takes a closer look at the patient's face.] Dennis? [Benton and Carter look at each other, horrified.] Oh, sweet Jesus.

Post Mortem [3.12]

Doug: How's your head? Any confusion?
Charlie Chiemingo: Yeah. What year is it? December '95, according to this hot magazine you gave me. Did you know that Michael and Lisa Marie are splitting up?

Carter: [to Benton] All he [Gant] ever got from you was harping and criticism. Now he's dead and you're going to have to face it.

Mark: So, should I be looking over my shoulder for your father with a shotgun?
Chuny: No, my brother Julio. He packs a .45.

Fortune's Fools [3.13]

Mark: How many people know about me and Chuny Marquez?
Doug: Including the cleaning crew?

Carol: I killed a man and no one around here seems to give a damn.

Morgenstern: Carter, what's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
Carter: I have no idea.
Morgenstern: I'll tell you: There's a vas deferens.

Kerry: [to the interns] Most interns send their samples to the lab without knowing what happens once they're there. Let's pretend that we're a urine sample and find out.

Haleh: We got a situation here.
Carol: Well, I spoke to Mary Cain and she says she doesn't know who leaked it.
Haleh: And you believed her?
Carol: Yeah, I did.
Haleh: We had an agreement on the table to protect current staffing levels and management just pulled it. They're gonna use this to renege on the whole contract.
Carol: I'm sorry to hear that.
Haleh: You had no idea they were gonna use this incident against us?
Carol: No, I didn't. What? You think I'm lying to you?
Haleh: I don't know anymore, Carol.
Carol: You and management can fight and scream and tear each other's hair out for all I care. I've got a patient.

Whose Appy Now? [3.14]

Dr. Hicks: Change in plans. Simon's got the gunshot. We're doing the appy.
Carter: The appy?
Dr. Hicks: Disappointed?
Carter: Yeah. They're kind of boring.
Dr. Hicks: You haven't seen the patient yet.
[Carter looks out the window and sees Dr. Benton being wheeled down the hall on a gurney]
Carter: Ohhhhhhhh, there is a God.

Jerry: This is ridiculous. I do not need hand-washing lessons!
Dr. Fischer: Scrub hard, Jerry to scrape off the bacteria.
Jeanie: But the most important thing is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
Jerry: What, every time?

[Dr. Carter is performing an appendectomy on Dr. Benton]
Carter: I am ready to close.
Dr. Hicks: Nice work, Carter.
Carter: Thanks. Maybe I'll staple my name into his belly.

Doug: How did you end up going out with two women on the same night?
Mark: Scheduling mix-up. Any suggestions?
Doug: Dinner with one, drinks with the other.
Mark: Yeah... I think they're both expecting the works.
Doug: Who do you like more?
Mark: Well, Heather's a lot of fun.
Doug: Fun's good.
Mark: Polly, she's... she's very spiritual.
Doug: Spiritual like what? Like, like crystals or something?
Mark: Heather's got Bulls tickets.
Doug: Bulls! Say no more.
Mark: Yeah, you're right. I'll call Polly. I'll make up an excuse and go out with her tomorrow night.
Doug: You're playing with fire here.
Mark: I can juggle.
Doug: You're gonna get burnt. Women can smell deceit.
Mark: You ought to know.
Doug: Those days are long gone, my friend.
Mark: So, what do you do now?
Doug: Give advice.

Chuny: I thought you had a date.
Mark: Canceled.
Chuny: They busted you?
Mark: They busted me.
Chuny: Men are so stupid. How many women were you dating when you were with me?
Mark: Just you.
Chuny: Really?
Mark: Yeah, you know, except for that night when my neighbor, the ballerina, broke up with her boyfriend. You know, I had to comfort her.
Chuny: Yeah, so that was like a public service.
Mark: Yeah. Other than that, I was totally faithful.
Chuny: Oh, I feel blessed.

The Long Way Around [3.15]

Robert: [as he runs by] Morning, Leon! Morning, Miss Hathaway!
Leon: Slow down there, Robert!
Carol': I hate that he calls me "Miss Hathaway."
Leon: Yeah, it's a real crime when kids show that kind of respect.

Duncan Stewart, Convenience Store Gunman: I love America! Everyone has a job here!

Duncan Stewart, Convenience Store Gunman: [yelling to Robert, who's in the bathroom] Come on out now, you can't throw up forever! We're all eating free hot dogs out here! Don't you want one? [to Carol] That's a stupid thing to say if he's chucking up. You try.

Kerry: We've missed you around here.
Carol: I've missed it, too. I love my job, Kerry.
Kerry: I know.

Faith [3.16]

Carol: Doug, I know everyone is worried about me, but I'm fine. I was scared in that store, but I'm okay now.
Doug: So why did you go ahead and take it?
Carol: The MCATs? For me. I just wanted to see if I was good enough.
Doug: You are.

Mark: Remember when we were gonna change the world?
Doug: No, I was always in it for the money.

Benton: [to Dr. Hicks] Six months ago I thought I was invincible, but now... I don't even know.

Carter: What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Mrs. Jarnowski: The usual. Three fried eggs, bacon, glass of buttermilk, toast and jam.
Carter: Ah, the American Heart Association breakfast.

Carol: Why didn't you ever tell me I could be a lawyer, or a pilot, or a damn astronaut?
Helen Hathaway: You wanted to be an astronaut?
Carol: No, but I wanted you to tell me I could!
Helen Hathaway: Fine! Be an astronaut!

Tribes [3.17]

[Carla is having an ultrasound]
Dr. Coburn: Oh! Hello. There it is. Turtle sign. It's a boy.
Carla Reece: That little thing?
Jeanie: They grow.
Carla Reece: Not as much as they'd like to think.

Mark: When Kenny Law came in, do you think I made racist assumptions?
Haleh: Black folk see the world one way, white folk see it another.
Mark: All white people?
Haleh: When something happens, you say it's got nothing to do with race, but for us, it's always got to do with race.

Mark: Malik, can you join me?
Malik: What for?
Mark: Kenny Law died. I have to tell his family.
Malik: If you're scared, you should call Security. I'm a nurse.

Carla Reece: The thing is, I hate needles.
Jeanie: You're planning on going through childbirth without an epidural?
Carla Reece: Honey, women were having babies long before doctors and needles.

You Bet Your Life [3.18]

Doug: You can get through my door.
Carol: Anybody with a bra can get through your door.

Kerry: Your IQ's not 150. Mine's only 145.
Jerry: What am I supposed to do? Apologize because I'm smarter than you?
Kerry: I'm gonna get an IQ test from psych and if you don't score 150, I'm gonna blow the whistle on you, Dr. Markovic.

Carter: We removed most of your small intestine. I'm afraid you're not gonna be able to eat solid food again.
Mr. Bartok: Can I drink?
Carter: Yeah, actually.
Mr. Bartok: Smoke?
Carter: If you must.
Mr. Bartok: I'll be fine.

Doug: [to Carol] You do things for people that doctors don't even think about doing.
Maggie: [enters] Carol? This guy in the hall needs a clean-up. He just did a major Code Brown. [exits]
Carol: You're right. I wipe butts.

Dr. Anspaugh: What the hell is going on in here?
Dr. Hicks: Why? What's the problem?
Dr. Anspaugh: I rejected this patient as a poor surgical risk. Or didn't Dr. Carter tell you?
Dr. Hicks: No, he didn't.
Dr. Anspaugh: I got a 23 year jump on you, kid. You trying to outflank me?
Carter: No, sir.
Dr. Anspaugh: What makes you think your judgement is superior to mine?
Carter: I don't. I don't. I thought that the patient...
Dr. Anspaugh: This has nothing to do with the patient. This is about the practice of medicine. Interns do not make end runs on the chief of staff. I want you in my office at 5 o'clock sharp to discuss your future as a surgeon. If you have any hope on continuing in this program, you will explain your actions with the appropriate degree of contrition and respect and the assurance that nothing like this will ever happen again.
Carter: Dr. Hicks...
Dr. Hicks: Scrub out, Carter.

Calling Dr. Hathaway [3.19]

Kerry: Carol, if you're going to be a med student, you've got to stop thinking like a nurse.
Carol: Well, I'm not a med student yet.

[Jerry is setting up a mousetrap]
Kerry: Jerry, what are you doing?
Jerry: I saw a mouse by the elevator. Soon to be deceased.
Kerry: Sounds like Heidi.
Doug: You know this mouse?

Carter: Surgeons don't rat on each other. It's like the Marines, "all for one, and one for all."
Maggie: That's the Three Musketeers.

Chuny: I thought Weaver was already fitting you for a lab coat.
Carol: Yeah, well, white adds ten pounds. I think I'll stick to pink.

Random Acts [3.20]

Chris Law: You don't get bills from people who kill your child. You don't pay people who lose his body between their morgue and a coroner so that you have to postpone a funeral for two days.
Mark: I'm sorry. I had no idea that happened.
Chris Law: Nobody has any idea, but you tell them that she doesn't get another piece of mail from this hospital unless it's an apology.
Mark: I'm very sorry for your loss.
Chris Law: I'm not threatening to sue. I'm sure you have a department for that too, but if my mother gets another bill from this hospital, maybe I'm gonna kick some ass. Maybe I'll start with yours.

Carol: [while reading a story that was found under the desk] "Witchcraft attracted her as a child when Zulu tribesmen on her father's game preserve tried sorcery to heal her shriveled leg."
Jerry: Oh, Weaver's in it?
Doug: Hey you guys! It's Mark!

Alissa Gunther: Am I gonna have a scar?
Maggie: A small one.
Alissa Gunther: But I'm a majorette!

Crazy Guy: Those who minister to the anointed must shun the flesh of pigs. Refuse the carnal touch of any man!
Maggie: No meat, no men. I'm your woman.

Make a Wish [3.21]

Carol: Doug, you promised me you wouldn't tell anybody about my birthday.
Doug: Aah, that was last year.
Carol: Yeah, and you told everyone then, too.
Doug: At least I'm consistent.

Mark: You carry a gun?
Maggie: Under the front seat of my car. I was at the drive-thru once, waiting for some fries, and this punk walks up, and sticks a knife in my face. He wants my wallet. So, I reach under the seat, grab the .357, stick it up his nose, and whoa, could that kid run.

Dr. Anspaugh: This job is about determining what a patient needs and the best way for us to meet that need and as surgeons, we cut.
Carter: Dr. Anspaugh, as a doctor, if I can find a way to do what my patient wants that's medically acceptable, that's what I should do. I don't believe I should cut somebody open just because I can.
Dr. Anspaugh: It bothers me that this patient is willing to risk death rather than undergo a simple surgical procedure, but it bothers me even more that you're so willing to help him do that.

Benton: Dr. Coburn, I wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning in the delivery.
Dr. Coburn: Thank you, but it's unnecessary. I've never met a father who could handle it sensibly, calmly, maturely. If I ever do, that's the guy I'm really gonna slap around.

Mark: I'm an idiot, Kerry. I'm a complete idiot.
Kerry: Was that the detective you were waiting for?
Mark: It wasn't an angry patient. It wasn't a family member of an angry patient. It wasn't Chris Law. It wasn't Mr. Gunther. It wasn't that crazy guy who was yelling about Krishna.
Kerry: They checked everybody out?
Mark: I thought I was remembering it like a puzzle that would come together, but the Chicago Police Department was nice enough to inform me that I am simply the victim of random violence.
Kerry: Well, you knew that, Mark, patient or no patient.
Mark: What I knew is that everything I do, I do because I am not the victim. I treat the victim, I cure the victim, I watch them roll the victim out like a piece of meat, but the truth is, I'm the piece of meat.
Kerry: We can't think about that. We're the ones who see what goes on out there. We know that every day some child won't make it home from school, some father won't make it home from work, but if we allowed ourselves to think that could be us, we couldn't walk out our front door.
Mark: The problem is that is us.
Kerry: No, the problem is, it makes us like everyone else.

One More For the Road [3.22]

Dr. Anspaugh: What's on your mind, doctor?
Carter: Now? I was hoping for an appointment this afternoon.
Dr. Anspaugh: There's no time like the present.
Carter: I'd prefer to come back later if that's okay with you.
Dr. Anspaugh: Are you intentionally trying to irritate me, Dr. Carter?
Carter: No, sir.
Dr. Anspaugh: Then speak up.
Carter: I've been contemplating leaving the surgical program. I've been considering it for quite some time, and I feel that I've made an error in selecting surgery as my specialty. For the most part, the training has been excellent, but I just feel that ultimately, I don't belong in surgery, and I would suspect that you would agree with me.
Dr. Anspaugh: I certainly do not!
Carter: You don't?
Dr. Anspaugh: You entered into a contract, doctor. A contract with this institution. We agreed to give you the finest surgical training in exchange for 6 years of your best effort.
Carter: I understand, but I think....
Dr. Anspaugh: I do not give a damn what you think! This is not summer camp. You cannot just run home to mommy. You're going to suck it up and stick to it! That's what men do. Are we communicating here?
Carter: Yeah.
Dr. Anspaugh: Good! And if I ever hear this crap coming out of your mouth again, the only medicine you'll be practicing is picking out a cough suppressant for yourself down at the Jewel.

Benton: The baby may have brain damage developmental problems, autism, retardation. They can't even say.
Jackie Robbins: Or he might be fine, right? Either way, you're gonna love him more than you can even imagine.
Benton: I can't handle it.
Jackie Robbins: Sure you can. You'll have to. That's your son up there. The world is hard sometimes. It can't always go the way you want it to go.

Dr. Anspaugh: Dr. Carter...
Carter: Uh... I'm not coming.
Dr. Anspaugh: You're what?
Carter: I have a patient who needs my attention.
Dr. Anspaugh: Rounds are a pre-requisite for this program, Doctor.
Carter: So is patient care.
Dr. Anspaugh: You come to rounds today or don't ever come to rounds again.
Carter: I'll be there if and when I can!

Doug: I saw your belly-button ring is infected. What did you do, a do-it-yourself with a rusty nail?
Charlie Chiemingo: I don't feel so good.
Doug: Yeah, well, we pumped your stomach. Found more chemicals in there than a toxic waste dump.

Carter: [to Dr. Anspaugh] I admire surgery, but it's not the type of medicine I want to practice. I can be a competent surgeon. I can learn the techniques, the mechanics, but I'll never be a great surgeon. Dr. Anspaugh, I can be a great doctor, a doctor who spends time with his patients, who's there for them. I'm good at it. Really good. I can make a difference in people's lives. Don't make me give that up. Please don't make me waste it.