ER (season 9)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Chaos Theory [9.01][edit]

Romano: [coming to in the ER after losing his arm] Oh no, I'm at County
Abby: Chaos Theory?
Carter: Yeah, a virus mutates in the Congo. We evacuate an ER in Chicago. Romano gets his arm cut off.
Abby: You lost me.
Carter: Seemingly random events, all part of a larger equation.
Abby: I'm hot.
Carter: You know, a butterfly flaps its wings in China, and creates a tornado halfway around the world.
Abby: Are you hot?
Carter: I'm just saying that there's an inherent unpredictability about everything-- evolution, life. Love, relationships.
Abby: So what am I? The butterfly or tornado?
Carter: No, you're chaos in general.
Abby: Oh, thanks.
Carter: No, I'm just saying, you're chaos to me. The unknown. I'm chaos to you.
Abby: You are hardly chaos, Carter.
Carter: I'm just saying there's a risk in anything that you do, right? But don't you want to stack the odds in your favor? I mean, I'm drawn to you. It's kind of that simple. I've been drawn to you for two years, but chaos always seems to rule, and I don't want it to rule. I want to know where it's taking me. You know what I mean?
Abby: Nope.
Carter: The tornado. Definitely the tornado.

Dead Again [9.02][edit]

Carter: Ah, the smell of fresh med students in the morning.
Susan: What is it about them? They all seem so...
Frank: Gullible, immature, vapid?
Susan: I was going to say "sweet".

Pratt: (to the new med students) So, newbies, huh? You don't want to work here.

Romano (to Corday): Lizzie. You're one face I missed seeing in recovery.
Corday: I'm so sorry, Robert.
Romano: About my arm? Or about not being there?

Insurrection [9.03][edit]

Abby: Normally they just decapitate the leaders of the insurrection and send the peasants back to work in the fields.

Woman Patient: If men needed abortions, there would be drive-thrus with beer on tap and ESPN on the TV.

Carter: I got stabbed, Lucy got killed, and today, Abby and Chen get a gun to their heads. I'm sorry, no. It's got to stop. Otherwise, it's not worth doing.
Susan: I know, Carter. You're an emergency room doctor. It's about getting through the shift.

Chen (while she & Pratt are sorting through severed fingers): You think this is a pinkie or a ring?
Pratt: Looks like a cocktail weenie.

Abby: Hey, Frank, take care of my baby brother.
Frank: Is he potty trained?

Walk Like a Man [9.04][edit]

Abby: I was hall monitor for a day in the 5th grade and they fired me for selling passes to the other kids.
Kerry: Well, I'm sure you've matured since.
Abby: Not that much really.

Weaver: You hit another doctor?
Gallant: Yeah, Dr. Pratt
Weaver: Oh. Well in that case, I'll overlook it.

Susan: [to Luka] When you're waiting on a patient's results, it's not necessary for you to boff that patient's mother in the storage closet.

[As Abby is removing a dead goldfish from the tank in the waiting room]
Abby: Time of death, 7:36 a.m.
Carter: Ah. Your goldfish coded?
Abby: Yep. Third time this week. Every afternoon I restock the little pond here, and every morning it's like the Exxon Valdez came through.
Carter: You can get somebody else to do this for you.
Abby: Well, I'm committed.
Carter: Committed fish killer.
[Abby drops the fish into Carter's coffee cup]

A Hopeless Wound [9.05][edit]

Romano: I know most people don't like me; I don't care, I don't like most people. But I'm good at what I do. I save people's lives. Every day. If I can't do that...

Corday: I lost my wedding ring!
Romano: Oh, boo-hoo, this guy's about to lose a leg! I'd say chop chop, but that would be in extremely poor taste!

Romano: [after Corday loses her wedding ring down the drain] Somebody call the Tiffany's Search and Rescue team!

Luka: Maybe you could wear some Swaztikas with that outfit. You could be a naughty Nazi nurse.
Abby: You totally suck, you know that?
Luka: Hey, careful! Creating a hostile work environment!

Chuny: [about Luka] I'm not working with him.
Abby: Why?
Chuny: Because he treats nurses like idiots!
Luka: Hey, if your boots fit!
Abby: Shoes.
Luka: Whatever.

One Can Only Hope [9.06][edit]

Romano: [while on the phone] Excessive therapy, excessive. Alright, how's this for excessive? I had my arm sliced off. I mean, what do I have to do to get full therapy? Do I have to have a pack of wolves come chew my leg off, too? Look, my physical therapist, my orthopedic surgeon, and the chief of staff of the hospital that pays your premium, what's his name again? Oh yeah, that's right, ME, have all determined that I need a minimum of five days a week in order to regain occupational use. [begins to yell] It's not disability, you nut! I'm still working...Hello...Hello? [slams down phone] Coward!

Haleh: [to Abby] I've been doing this job for 17 years, honey. Doctors come and go, but nurses make this place run. We don't get much credit or pay. We see a lot of misery, a lot of dying, but we come back every day. I've given up being appreciated, but I sure as hell won't let any of us be taken for granted.

Pratt: I can't believe a guy comes in here with three bullet holes and nobody called me.
Abby: You are such a trauma queen.

Drunk Patient: I could use a sponge bath.
Chen: You up for a lap dance, Malik?
Malik: Maybe...
Drunk Patient: Stay away from me, you chocolate homo.
Malik: How did you know my stage name?

Abby: When did you start smoking?
Eric: A while ago. What difference does it make?
Abby: Nobody starts smoking after the age of 25.
Eric: What can I say, I'm a late bloomer. You smoke, and you've been smoking since what, 8?

Tell Me Where it Hurts [9.07][edit]

Abby (to Carter): My family's so screwed up. If I were you, I'd run for my life and never look back.
Carter: You don't hold the monopoly on screwed up families. You met my mother.
Abby: She's not certifiable.
Carter: I have an idea. I think we should get them all together for the holidays... Gamma, my parents, your mom. (Abby laughs)
Abby:...I'm really scared for him, Carter
Carter: I know.
Abby: And it's so unfair, 'cause he was such a good kid. And we went through so much growing up, and I thought, 'God, I'm through!' I thought... he was safe.
Carter: He's gonna get all the help that he needs, now. We're going to make sure that he does. And nothing that you did, or didn't do, could've prevented this.
Abby: It's just that, Eric... He was the only constant thing in my life... He was the only thing I could ever really count on.
Carter:...That's not true anymore.
Abby:...Promise? 'Cause, I really need something to hang onto right now.
Carter: I'm not going anywhere.

Chen: (to Gallant and Harkins) Okay, alright, settle down. This is a teaching hospital, not Medical Jeopardy.
Susan: (enters the room) Where are all the doctors?
Chen: Who are you looking for?
Susan: Anyone! Carter, Weaver, Pratt- I'm not picky.
Chen: Uh- Carter's stuck in Triage, Pratt's on at midnight, and Weaver's MIA.
Susan: What else is new?
Chen: (remembers) Kovac is sleeping.
Susan: (sarcastically) With who? I thought he was suspended.

Eric (to Abby): Every controller I know has had a couple of PTSD assessments. It's our way of working the system to get a little extra time off. We even joke about it. "How do you know when an air traffic controller is suffering from post traumatic stress? His tackle box is missing." You know? He's gone fishing?

Kerry (to Susan): You're doing a good job of clearing the patients today.
Frank: Easy to be fast when you're just killing them.

First Snowfall [9.08][edit]

Erin: Ok, rack is empty, triage is clear and labs are pending on my only two patients.
Carter: Good.
Erin: So what do I do know?
Carter: I dont know? Go play in the snow.

Corday: My husband, his name was Mark, he died... My God, I was about to say last year. It's only been six months.

Carter (to Luka): Commuting on skis!
Luka: What?
Carter: Skiing to work.
Luka: Yeah, I don't live far. Nice coat.
Carter: Goodwill box.
Luka: Hey, did you find him?
Carter: Who?
Luka: Abby's brother.
Carter: Um, I'm just gonna try and catch a train to Midway and wait for it to open up.
Luka: Where are you going?
Carter: Nebraska. She's already there. She left last night.
Luka: Didn't go with her?
Carter: I had a shift.
Luka: Oh.
Carter: I sent Gallant with her.
Luka: Gallant?
Carter: Yeah. Why?

Abby (when she enters Eric's military hospital room): Hi.
Eric: Were you expecting a strait jacket?
Abby: No. You look nice.
Eric: Fashion is key at a court martial.

Abby: Um...They might ask you to testify...
Maggie: Yeah, I know.
Abby:...Mom, I need you to be with me on this. He can't stay at a military jail.
Maggie: I'm with you. (Abby nods slowly)
Abby:...I'm sorry. (Maggie looks at her) I'm just scared for him, and I'm... angry. I'm angry at you, for having to do this again... and you didn't do anything.
Maggie: No. You're angry at me for... giving it to him.
Abby: No! No, no, I didn't-
Maggie: I know you feel like a mother to him. Why shouldn't you? You practically raised him, you have a right. But, I'm his mother, and I... gave it to him. I gave it to my son. All I can do now is... try to be his mother.

Next of Kin [9.09][edit]

Susan: I so need a margarita. Are you ready?
Chen: I think I'm gonna pass.
Susan: Oh, come on. I hate drinking alone. I mean I'll do it, but...

Susan (to Luka): You're late.
Luka: Blame my alarm clock.
Susan: What's her name?

Susan: (to Carter) If I was stuck on a train with my family... Well, bad example. I'd throw myself on the tracks.

Eric (to Abby): Are you alone?
Abby: No, Mom's here too.
Eric: (to Maggie) Why'd you bring her?
Maggie: She's worried about you, Eric.
Eric: I don't want you here.
Abby: Just hold on, alright?
Eric: I don't want you in my life right now.
Abby: What?
Eric: (to Maggie) Are you coming in? (Maggie goes inside and Eric tries to close the door)
Abby: Okay. Eric, don't do this.
Eric: Move your hand.
Abby: You need help.
Eric: I don't want to hurt you.
Abby: You can't do this by yourself! You need structure and stability.
Eric: Let go.
Abby: Someone you can rely on and trust!
Eric: That's not you anymore, okay? You don't understand.
Abby: Yes, I do!
Eric: You think you do! But you don't. You're not like us! You never will be.
Maggie: I'll call you when we get settled.
Abby: Don't bother. (walks away)

Abby: I'm done. I'm done with the both of them. I'm done with all of it. Cancel Christmas.

Hindsight [9.10][edit]

Abby (while Frank & Jerry are fighting about wearing the same Santa costume): You guys, we already have the wasted angel of Bethlehem. Can we not have feuding St. Nicks?

Frank: (to Abby while dressed in a Santa suit) Sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas, little girl.
Abby: I want it to be January.

Frank: SInce when is Santa scary?
Pratt: Since he looks like a fat, old homeless dude.

Luka: I feel like crap.
Abby: You don't look so good either.
Luka: Thanks a lot.

Luka (to Erin): Why do you want to be a doctor?
Erin: I don't know. Good at science.
Luka: I became a doctor to take care of people. To heal them. (lies down)
Erin: You do. Every day.
Luka: But strangers, only strangers. And not tomorrow. (falls asleep)

A Little Help From My Friends [9.11][edit]

Carter (to Pratt): Well, we work as a team. We cover for each other. We lean on each other. The job is too big to do solo. And if you can't get that, maybe you should be a surgeon or a superhero, or something else that doesn't require trusting people.
Pratt: I've never been big on trust.
Carter: You know what that turns into? Nobody trusts you either. Self-sufficiency is a good thing, but it's not the only thing. Asking for help when you need it doesn't make you weak.

Dr. Romano: Did anyone ever bother to verify that there are medical schools in Croatia? Anyone?

Dr. Romano (to Luka after he talks to a patient's mother): What are you doing? Holding your own private M & M with the kid's mother.
Luka: She wanted to know how her son died.
Dr. Romano: One word: peacefully. And leave it at that.
Luka: She deserves to know.
Dr. Romano: What? What, the truth? The truth is you killed her son. You want to tell her that?

A Saint in the City [9.12][edit]

Kerry: Luka, why is Jessie Callahan still in Trauma 1? I'm curious because you pronounced her dead an hour ago.
Luka: Her husband would'nt go up to the or unless she passed so I unhooked her leads and pronounced her. Why?
Kerry: Good God! What happens when he comes back down from surgery and finds out his wife is still alive?
Luka: I'll tell him it was a miracle.

Susan: Call psych. The sun goes down and the nuts come out.

Alderman Bright: (about Dr. Romano) I was on the committee that hired that man.
Kerry: He's an excellent surgeon.
Alderman Bright: Tragic about his arm. A lot of people downtown wish it had been his head.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished [9.13][edit]

Susan (to Abby about Luka): I think maybe you should talk to him. He seems a little depressed.
Abby: He's European. That's his baseline.

Luka: What is it with this country? Nobody takes responsibility for anything. Always looking for someone else to blame, someone to sue.
Frank: If you don't like it here, go back to Croatia. Not near as many lawyers. A lot more land mines, though.

Fiona: Her boyfriend cheated on her and she went on a banana-split spree.
Luka: So you called 911?
Fiona: I didn't. She did. She wanted to get her stomach pumped. She must have ate, like, 50,000 calories. Sometimes she binges and purges.
Luka: Sometimes? She's lost her gag reflex from sticking her finger down her throat so many times.
Susan: Luka, obviously she has an eating disorder.
Luka: No. I'll tell you what an eating disorder is. It's when a mother hasn't eaten in six days because she's giving what little food she has to her three children. She just cost the hospital three thousand dollars and for what? So she doesn't put on a pound? (walks out)
Susan: Luka...
Fiona: It's cheaper than liposuction.

No Strings Attached [9.14][edit]

Kerry (to Dr. Romano): Not everyone's an opportunistic ass like you.
Dr. Romano: Uh... So I've been told.

A Boy Falling Out of the Sky [9.15][edit]

Kerry (as she leaves a message on Luka's answering machine): Yeah, Luka. This is Kerry Weaver. I'm down two attendings and up forty patients. If you don't get in here and start working your scheduled shifts, I'm gonna call the INS, tell them your green card's a fake and have your ass deported!

Pratt (to Carter): Women don't know what the hell they want! Am I right? I'm right, right? They don't want a commitment until you give it to 'em, then they want their freedom. So, naturally, you oblige. Then they accuse you of trying to be with somebody else. I'm telling you, you can't win.
Carter: Women can be hard to figure out sometimes.
Pratt: Sometimes? Now you know who's got it all figured out I think? Homosexuals. No, I'm serious. Just listen to me. Look, there's two guys living together: toilet seat's always up, channel's always on ESPN. You can drink beers in the bed, leave your clothes on the floor. I'm telling you, gay cats got it good.
Carter: Why are you telling me this?
Pratt: I have no idea.

Carter (to Abby): What do I want? I want you to stop being so afraid. I want us to stop being so careful.
Abby: I'm not afraid! I'm just...
Carter: I want to marry you!
Abby: What?
Carter: I want to marry you.
Abby: Are you proposing?
Carter: Yeah.
Abby: You're crazy!
Carter: Well then, I'll fit right in!

A Thousand Cranes [9.16][edit]

Dr. Meyers (to Luka): So, what brings you here?
Luka: Dr. Weaver. She told to come.
Dr. Meyers: Well, why do you suppose she wanted us to meet?
Luka: You tell me.
Dr. Meyers: That's not quite how it works.
Luka: Hey you're a doctor. Someone comes to me with a problem, I tell them how to fix it, so...
Dr. Meyers: Let's start with you telling me...
Luka: My problem?
Dr. Meyers: What's on your mind.
Luka: My family died during the war in Croatia. So I came to America. I had a relationship with someone I cared about, which I then ruined. So I started looking for the answers in the wrong places, you know like sex, drinking, living fast... Killed a patient I should've saved and then I almost killed a medical student in a car crash so... woke up one morning and everything I had was gone. Gone or broken. (pause) So what do you have for that?
Dr. Meyers: Well, Dr. Kovac, it's not something I can really...
Luka: That's what I thought. You should get back to work. Tell Weaver I showed up.

Maggie (to Carter about Abby): I just don't want...
Carter: Yes?
Maggie: I just don't want you to wanna fix her.
Carter: Abby doesn't need to be fixed.
Maggie: Or heal her or change her.
Carter: I love her.
Maggie: I just don't want you to be waiting for her to change.
Carter: I'm not.
Maggie: She's an amazing person.
Carter: I know who she is.
Maggie: She's an amazing person with certain weaknesses and you'd be lucky to have her, even with those weaknesses, but you have to love her, even if she never changes anything.

The Advocate [9.17][edit]

Luka: Just show up. That's all I've been doing: showing up. Time goes by faster at work. Shift work. Treat and street a few lost souls. You're with them when they're most vulnerable, when they're naked, weak, hurt. You touch them, look at their bodies, see them more closely than their families, their lovers. But it's mechanical, you know, temporary. You fix them up or you watch them die. Either way, it ends and you move on. No next time, no strings, no real connection. Maybe that's why I stay.

Luka: Medicine was exciting, powerful, alive. Today we saved a teenager's sight. I saved a child's life. I didn't feel it. Didn't feel anything.

Carter (to Abby): You know, right?
Abby: Know what?
Carter: That night at the restaurant. I had a ring. You knew that, right?
Abby: I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would've.
Carter: I didn't go through with it because at that moment it just felt... It didn't feel right. And I don't know why. But I wish I did know why. I think that the fact that I didn't do it, means that there's something that's not working.
Abby: I get it. It's O.k. I gotta go.
Carter: You get it? Well, that's good. Maybe you can explain it to me, 'cause I don't get it. I know that I show up for work and you're acting like a completely changed person and I think that's great. If that's real. The patch, the sponsor...
Abby: Real?!
Carter: For real, for you. Or is this something that's gonna be thrown out the window the next time something bad happens? Cause if you're trying to prove something to me...
Abby: What?
Carter: Like some kind of quick fix.
Abby: I didn't do it for you! I woke up sick of myself, OK? And if you're sick of me and just all of it, I don't blame you!
Carter: I'm not sick of you. How do you hear that?
Abby: Because all I ever do is disappoint you. I feel like all I'm ever going to do is disappoint you...
Carter: Stop.
Abby: I've said this before, I don't know why you're...
Carter: Stop! Stop!!! Stop with this whole routine! This fatalistic, black-cloud, nothing good is ever going to happen to me routine!
Abby: The problem is, it's not a routine.
Carter: Hey! What do I have to say? What do I have to do to get through to you?

Finders Keepers [9.18][edit]

Romano: [to Carter] This is my ER now! That stands for one thing: Everyone's replaceable! Even you

Romano: Listen, okay Goofus? I'm the doctor, you're not....
Gallant: You know what? It seems to me that if your intention is to....
Romano: My intention is to serve out my time in this hell hole without having affirmative action imbeciles like you make me regret having ever gone into medicine.

Romano: They're letting any bottom feeder with a check into med school these days?
Carter: Actually, Gallant is one of our best med students.
Romano: Well, that doesn't bode well for the future of emergency medicine. But maybe by the time he gets his licence, we'll all be dead.

Elizabeth: Kerry, can I ask you something? Are you as concerned about Robert as I am? Or, more precisely, his mental health- he seems...broken by this assignment-
Weaver: He's a cockroach. He refuses to evolve, and yet he'll survive us all.

Carter: [on Romano] He has no patient reports, severely stunted interpersonal skills, and he's incredibly hostile-
Weaver: Qualities consistent with most surgeons!
Carter: Kerry, the guy doesn't know what he's doing, and he doesn't wanna learn! And, he almost killed a patient today by prescribing an antiquated treatment.
Weaver: But, obviously you stopped him from doing so!
Carter: Yeah, but I can't stay on top of the guy 24:7!
Weaver: Well, we're trying to shift him to a more administrative role-
Carter: What are you gonna do, chain him to his desk?
Weaver: Look, the ER may not be the best fit for Dr. Romano, but it's all the man has! Just... make it work. Or better yet, work around him.

Things Chance [9.19][edit]

Dr. Romano: (to Luka) How do you say "bite my big one" in Croatian?

Dr. Romano (to Abby): If I wanted a nurse's opinion...well, I don't know what I'd do because quite frankly it's never happened.

Dr. Romano (to Pratt): Congratulations, smart-ass. You just bought yourself a month of midnights. (leaves)
Pratt: Good, I love the nightlife.

Foreign Affairs [9.20][edit]

Gallant (to Dr. Romano as he treats his burned arm): I'm not sure why you'd want an "affirmative action imbecile" fixing you up, but if you're trying to humiliate me...
Dr. Romano: Zip it. You've demonstrated a certain amount of integrity. Now, that won't last long if you keep working here, but for the time being, it suits my purposes. I'd prefer to keep this between us.

Susan: I thought nurses were supposed to be angels of mercy?
Chuny: Even mercy has a price.

Luka (to Kerry about a Croatian boy who needs surgery): After all the talk, we won't save this boy for only one reason: because we don't want to.
Kerry: It's more complicated than that, Luka.
Luka: Yeah, you're right. There's also the money.

When Night Meets Day [9.21][edit]

Romano: Do me a favor, write "Not this one, idiot" on my arm...

Romano: [looking at arm] You forgot "idiot"
Elizabeth: I'll be there Robert...
Romano: Just the same... "Idiot".
[Elizabeth finishes writing]

Patient: 2:16 PM. The end of the world!
Carter: Oh, great, I have to work. I'm always working when the world ends.

Dr. Chen (to Pratt): Congratulations, Greg. You survived the County experience.
Pratt: Oh no, not just survived. I whooped it's ass.

Abby (to Carter): Hey! I haven't seen you in a week. That's it? Luka called me, looking for you, he was under the impression I might know where you were. You're going, right? To Africa?
Carter: It's not Rio, but it's not here.

Kisangani [9.22][edit]

Luka (to Carter): In the beginning there's always a lot of talk of national pride and patriotic speeches, but after a few weeks it becomes this; nothing but death and sadness. These people just want what everyone else wants: their kids to have something to eat; to see them grow up, laughing, happy. They don't care where the border is or who gets to call themselves president. They just want this to stop.
Carter: I don't even begin to try to understand the politics here.
Luka: You are an American, Carter. You believe that if people are given a chance to convert to democracy, the world would be a better place.
Carter: What's the alternative? Military dictatorships?
Luka: You fight wars from the sky with bombs and missiles. Then your planes land back on the aircraft carrier and the pilots watch Drew Carey on satellite TV.
Carter: Hey, American soldiers died in Iraq.
Luka: Yeah, but your children don't starve to death while your men fight. Your women aren't raped. (long pause) I remember watching the television, reading the newspapers, saying that we had to fight and then my family was gone. I couldn't remember why it was all so important. What difference did it all make? My children were dead.

Carter (to Luka): What should I tell Weaver?
Luka: Whatever you want.
Carter: Can I tell her you're coming back?
Luka: I don't know.
Carter: Don't do anything stupid.
Luka: (smiles) Like what?
Carter: Like get yourself killed.