ER (season 8)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Four Corners [8.1][edit]

(Talking about her deceased son...)

Jackie: He's still my baby, Peter. I'm supposed to take care of him. I feel like somewhere, some time, he's going to be sad or cold or scared. Who's taking care of him? Who's being his mother?

(Abby and Carter are at Carter's grandfather's funeral, and she notices that the birdbath is broken)

Abby: You're going to have some dirty birds.
Carter: Grandpa liked to drive the power lawn mower around.
Abby: Into the birdbath?
Carter: Not on purpose. He was having a fatal MI at the time.
Abby: (laughs) I'm sorry.
Carter: Gotta die somehow. Not a bad way to go. Sunny day, out on the mower (they both start to laugh) Don't, don't laugh.
Abby: Then stop it!

Abby: Nice suit! Who died?
Carter: My grandfather.
Abby: Sorry..., I didn't know.

Greene: [He was]...eaten by dogs.
Corday: Eaten by dogs? In Chicago?
Greene: It happens, alot! A cop told me.

The Longer You Stay [8.2][edit]

Luka (to Abby): Why do you have to make such a big problem out of everything. Like you have an insect in your anus?
Abby: It's bug up your ass, Luka. Bug up my ass. If you're gonna insult me, you can at least get the words right.
Luka: Fine. How's this? Stop being such a bitch.
Abby: OK, fine. As soon as you grow up.
Luka: Right, you're so mature. Abby, you don't even know what you want!
Abby: Yes, I do. I wanna go home.
Luka: You play games like a schoolgirl who can have any boy and treats them all like crap!
Abby: You know, why don't you just call me a whore and get it over with!
Luka: I'm tired of it! You're not that pretty and you're not that special!
Abby: I'm pretty enough in the dark though, aren't I?
Luka: You're never happy! I don't think you're capable of being happy.
Abby: Happy? Six months ago, you didn't care about whether or not I was happy.
Luka: If you're not depressed or ashamed, you're just angry.
Abby: And you're married to a ghost!
Luka: At least I treat you with respect.
Abby: Oh, I know. You're a saint, Luka.

[Mark and Elizabeth are arguing over their baby's care]
Greene: Elizabeth, if I could breastfeed, I would!!

Dale: (to Carter) You should go home. You know what I always say: the longer you stay, the longer you stay.

Blood Sugar Sex Magic [8.3][edit]

Chen: John did you discharge Ravis?
Carter: Who?
Chen: 22 year old woman, she was taking birth control pills.
Carter: Yeah, why?
Chen: Weaver took her from me!
Carter: Oh.
Chen: She gave her to you.
Carter: Maybe she thought you were swamped?
Chen: Yeah, more like incompetent.
Carter: She made you Chief Resident, you know, your the chosen one.
Chen: By default.

Abby: [Talking about replacing Luka's fish tank she broke] You ready?
Carter: One more patient.
Abby: I'll be in the car, I don't want Luka to see us.
Carter: Aren't we going to be wearing ski mask's?

Abby: Just bend over.
Carter: You can at least buy me dinner first.

Mark:[to a kid that got his hand stuck inside a piggy bank] Who's sick you or the pig?
Patient: It's not funny my hand really hurts.
Mark: Ah, think how the pig feels.

Never Say Never [8.4][edit]

Patient: Dude, it only takes like two minuets to freeze a wart off.
Frank: Actually less, but you still have to wait like everybody else.

Start All Over Again [8.5][edit]

Greene (to Lewis): First day of school and you're already making new friends?
Lewis: Oh, yeah. I'm a shoo-in for homecoming queen.
Greene: So far, so good.
Lewis: Oh, yeah. Foul abscess, a neurotic granny, naked boy here and I had to break into Chen's locker.
Greene: Did you steal her stuff?

Romano: (to Corday) I'm not keeping score, but isn't this your third post-op death this week? Congratulations. We call that a hat-trick.

Supplies and Demand [8.6][edit]

Abby: I had a life before John Carter. If you want someone with no history, you're gonna have to find yourself a virgin.

Carter: I think I twisted my knee doing that damn locust position.
Susan: No, it's "lotus," like the flower.
Carter: Oh, well that explains why it hurts. I was doing the "grasshopper."

Corday: Rachel, you do not want to battle with me. You'll lose, I guarantee it!

If I Should Fall From Grace [8.7][edit]

Gallant: Is there a lost and found box?
Haleh: Yeah, someone stole it.

Susan: I need a psych consult, my patient thinks he's a vampire.
Abby: Found Fred? Where is he?
Susan: Exam 2.
Abby: Is there a nurse in their with him?
Susan: No, why?
Abby: He's a vampire.
Susan: What do you mean he's a vampire?
Abby: I mean he drinks people's blood.
Susan: You're kidding right?
Gallant, Susan, and Abby look into the exam room and find Fred drinking blood.
Susan: That's nasty.

Partly Cloudy, Chance of Rain [8.8][edit]

Abby: I distinctly heard him!
Greene: Who?
Abby: The weatherman this morning. He said, "partly cloudy, chance of rain."

Greene: Do you think I'm mean to patients?
Abby: Only the ones who deserve it.
Greene: What about the ones who don't?
Abby: You're nicer than I am.
Greene: That's not much solace.

Gallant (to Weaver): He [Romano] also told me to stay away from you if I am going to survive medical school.
Weaver: Well, nobody actually listens to Dr. Romano down here.
Gallant: Yeah, I kind of figured that.

Quo Vadis? [8.9][edit]

Abby (to Nicole): This is not the way to get Luka.
Nicole: What are you talking about?
Abby: The truth. What happened to your father?
Nicole: I told you. He killed himself when I was little.
Abby: And then miraculously came back to life again so he could kick you out when you were 16?
Nicole: Is this funny to you?
Abby: No. I'm just trying to figure it out. You haven't told anyone the same story twice.
Nicole: My mother remarried and my step-father didn't want me around.
Abby: OK, I guess you have an answer for everything.
Nicole: I guess everything's your business.
Abby: I just don't wanna see him hurt.
Nicole: Maybe you just don't want to see him happy.
Abby: I know what won't make him happy. A made up life. You know, if this is, if this is all for real, that's great. Go for it. But if it's not, he's gonna figure it out. He's not stupid.

Gallant: Is Dr. Benton ever in a good mood?
Corday: He has his moments.

Luka (to Nicole): Are you angry with me?
Nicole: No, of course not.
Luka: Do you think I'm angry with you?
Nicole: I hope not.
Luka: Then why? I thought we both felt the same.
Nicole: You're a good person, but you talked yourself into loving me. This isn't real. I'll leave the key inside.
Luka: I made an OB appointment for Friday.
Nicole: That's not necessary.
Luka: It is.
Nicole: No, it's not. I'm not pregnant. I felt safe for the first time in a long time... I didn't want to lose you. So I made it up, Luka. I'm sorry. I made it all up. (walks away)

I'll Be Home For Christmas [8.10][edit]

(When Romano and Benton discussing a written agreement for reduction in Benton's work schedule)
Romano: To Whom It May Concern: No frigging way!

Abby (about Weaver): When is she going on Christmas vacation?
Chuny: Scrooge? Never!

Romano: (to Benton) Are you really going to do this? Throw away your career so you can play Mr. Mom? What a waste!

Beyond Repair [8.11][edit]

Greene (to Frank): Why is the thermostat in the lounge set at 56?
Frank: Get used to it. We are heading into another ice age. That's what killed the dinosaurs.
Greene: Ice Age didn't kill the dinosaurs, it was cholesterol.

Abby (to Luka): I haven't seen you around lately.
Luka: I've been working nights.
Abby: How's your Christmas?
Luka: Quiet. What'd you do for New Year's?
Abby: I worked.
Luka: That's always fun.
Abby: Did you make any resolutions?
Luka: Uhm... Help out more.
Abby: Help out more where? Here?
Luka: Uh, no. Europe. I've volunteered to go to Bosnia for two months with Doctors Without Borders.
Abby: Bosnia?
Luka: Yeah. I speak the language.
Abby: What brought this on?
Luka: I don't know. Change of scenery?

A River in Egypt [8.12][edit]

Romano (when Weaver and Chen are arguing): Ladies, ladies, if I wanted to see a good cat fight I would watch 'The View'. Let's keep this civil.

Abby: (to Carter) So down-low is bisexual?
Carter: No. On the side, secret.
Abby: In the closet?
Carter: No, to be in the closet, you have to be gay.
Abby: He is gay.
Carter: Ah, C.C's gay. Diamond is on the down-low.
Abby: Well, if he's having anal sex with his friend, he's gay.
Carter: Not to him. He's got a girlfriend, he just sorta gets down with his buddy for relief.
Abby: Aha, so down-low means in denial?
Carter: Yeah, basically.

Damage is Done [8.13][edit]

Kerry (to Chen): You know, eventually this has to stop. This attitude, this resentment you have towards me.
Chen: Does it?
Kerry: We have to work together. I can't allow patient care to be compromised because you don't like me.
Chen: I wouldn't let that happen.
Kerry: Good. Because the last thing I need is a devisive medical staff.
Chen: Then maybe you should quit.

Frank (to Kerry): So, you're gay, huh?
Kerry: Yeah, Frank, I'm gay. All right?
Frank: You know you're going to Hell, right?

A Simple Twist of Fate [8.14][edit]

Abby: (to Joyce, when she says she wants to go back to Brian after he beat her and broke her cheekbone) What if you have a kid with him?! Is this what you want for your children? You want him to beat them the way he did you?!
Joyce: He wouldn't do that-
Abby: Oh, wake up, Joyce! This is it! This is your chance to get away! Right now. It doesn't matter how 'wonderful' he can be sometimes! If you go back now, you are telling him it's okay to do this to you, and it is not okay! (pause, more gently) It's not okay.

[After Abby is beaten up by Brian, Luka enters a bar. He sees Brian on the phone; Brian sees him advancing and hangs up quickly]

Brian: I don't have a problem with you, man, ok-
Luka: I have a problem with you.
Brian: I got angry- It was a mistake.
Luka: You hit women by mistake? Huh?]
Brian: I screwed up!

[Luka swats the beer bottle out of his hand; it shatters on the floor]

Luka: Let's see you hit me, huh? (shoves Brian back and continues advancing)
Brian: I didn't mean to, come on- (Luka slaps him) I lost my temper!
Luka: Lose your temper with me! (shoves Brian back into the pool-cue rack; the bar goes quiet)
Brian: Ok, I'm gonna go to the cops right now and turn myself in- (Luka socks him in the jaw, then grabs him and yanks him upright) Wait, just wait!
Luka: Better start swinging back! (shoves him back and punches him again)
Brian: Wait!! (in tears) I was wrong, I got angry- She took away my wife!

(Luka punches him in the stomach, doubling him over, then hoists him upright again)

Luka: You took away your wife! (throws Bryan against the pool table)
Brian: (sobbing and bleeding from his mouth) I know, I know, I know... but I loved her! She was everything to me, and I lost her- (Luka grabs him by the collar and raises his fist) I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I won't mess with Abby again. I won't. (pause) I won't even talk to her. I'll move, I'll move out of the building! Please, I'm sorry. Please...

[Luka lets go for a moment, then suddenly grabs him and leans forward until they are eye-to-eye]

Luka: (quietly) You touch her again... I'll kill you.

It's All in Your Head [8.15][edit]

Frank: (to Abby) You know lawyers; they're half as smart as doctors, but twice as sneaky.
Romano: (to Corday) I'm beginning to think that ER stands for "Everybody's Retarded."
Chen: You give a guy a hand release during Harry Potter and he wants to marry you!

Secrets and Lies [8.16][edit]

Carter: Reality television: it's one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Abby: Have you ever watched it?
Carter: No.
Abby: Then shut up.

Carter: It's embarrassing. Everybody assumes when you grow up with money everything's great.
Susan: Yeah, it must have been hard growing up in the mansion. Was Gamma too cheap to heat the pool?

[Luka and Carter have found some fencing equipment and are dueling each other]

Abby: Do you think they're trying to impress us?
Susan: If they are, it's not working. (Luka and Carter clash, and Carter thrusts his foil-point against Luka's chest, winning the first bout) Ouch! Doesn't that hurt?
Abby: They really are a couppla freaks.
Susan: (laughs) And to think, you slept with both of them!
Abby: Ah, I- never slept with Carter. He tell you that?
Susan: (surprised) I thought you had!
Abby: No- that was a rumor that Carter started.
Susan: (stares at Carter) Oh, God! That is low! (Luka wins the next bout)
Abby: I thought so.
Susan: I haven't slept with Carter either.
Abby: How long have you guys been going out?
Susan: Couple of months.
Abby: Well, that definitely violates the second date rule.
Susan: What second date rule?
Abby: My friend has this theory that you should sleep with the guy by the second date because if the sex isn't good, you shouldn't waste your time with someone you don't have any chemistry with.
Susan: (nods thoughtfully) Hmm. Well, I don't know if Carter and I have any chemistry or not. There have been some almost spark moments.
Abby: I think it's either there, or it's not. You can't force it- believe me, I've tried.
Susan: I think part of the problem with Carter and me is you. He denies it, but it's not really convincing. What did you two have?
Abby: (shrugs)...Timing.

Bygones [8.17][edit]

[Romano walks into the lounge and sees that Elizabeth is crying]
Romano: What's wrong, is Prince Harry in rehab again?
Elizabeth:...Mark's tumor's back. (pause, Romano looks more sympathetic)
Romano: ...We always knew it was a possibility.
Elizabeth: He's known about it for weeks, and he didn't tell me.
Romano:...Maybe he was trying to protect you.

[Romano to Elizabeth about Mark:]
Romano: Is he your husband?
Elizabeth: Yes.
Romano: Do you love him?
Elizabeth: Yes.

Orion in the Sky [8.18][edit]

Pratt (to Greene): Do I seem like a punk to you?
Greene: No.
Pratt: Then how about you stop trying to treat me like one.

Greene: Mrs. Raskin. It's been a long time.
Mrs. Raskin: The service isn't what it used to be.
Greene: What seems to be the matter?
Mrs. Raskin: I have this hangnail and it's very painful.
Greene: I have a brain tumor and it's inoperable.
Mrs. Raskin: What?
Greene: I win.

Greene: Never let your work become your life, Kerry.

Brothers & Sisters [8.19][edit]

Weaver (to Gallant): Who let Reverend Ed in?
Gallant: You know the preacher?
Weaver: He's a holy pain in the ass. Get rid of him.
Gallant: Me?
Weaver: In about 10 minutes, he's going to start trying to heal people. It's bad for business.

Carter (to Pratt & Gallant): Play nice, kids. Don't make me stop this trauma.

Luka (about Abby): She's a big girl, Carter.
Carter: Yeah, with a drinking problem.
Luka: I don't tell people how to live.
Carter: She was living in your house.
Luka: I didn't make her start drinking again.
Carter: You didn't stop her.
Luka: She's not a drunk.
Carter: Yes she is. Are you stupid or do you just not give a damn about her? Or do you want her to keep drinking, is that it? You like 'em a little vulnerable so you can play the caring brooding comforter?
Luka: Don't push your luck, Carter.
Carter: What are you gonna do? Beat me up? You're gonna bash my head into the ground?
Luka: Get out of my way.
Carter: If you're not helping her, you're hurting her.

Corday (to Romano): Robert.
Romano: Not now, Lizzie. I am not having a good day. I got spanked in the stock market, some moron from Radiology backed into my Jag and I just spent :several hours putting that ER victim back together.
Corday: I need some time off.
Romano: And I need a month in the south of France with Vietnamese twins. It's not gonna happen.
Corday: It's Mark. He's sick.
Romano: I thought he was in Tahiti.
Corday: Hawaii. He's got worse. I don't think he's going to be able to fly home.
Romano: You better go to him.
Corday: I don't know how long I'll be.
Romano: I'll survive.
Corday: Thanks.
Romano: Anything I can do?
Corday: Pray.
Romano: It's not exactly my strong suit, but in this case I'll make an exception.

The Letter [8.20][edit]

[After Gallant gets sick during a trauma, Carter repeats what Dr. Mark Greene told him in the same situation eight years ago.]
Gallant: You know, sometimes I don't think I can do this.
Carter: You know, there's two kinds of doctors. There's the kind that get rid of their feelings, and the kind that hold on to them. If you hold on to your feelings you're going to get sick every once in a while. It's part of it. You know, people come in here, and they're sick, and they're bleeding, sometimes they're dying. And they need our help. And helping them is more important than how we feel. But hell, I've been doing this eight years, I still get sick. Take another minute.

On the Beach [8.21][edit]

Mark: Rachel, damn it, stop. I love you. Please, don't do this. I don't I don't know what to do. I don't have time to work this through. I'm not gonna be here in a year to help. You got a bastard of a father who was never around and then went off and had a new baby. Your mom got remarried to a creep. She works too much. You got a raw deal, all right? Why not get high? No one gives a damn about you anyway. I know how that feels. I remember being fourteen and pissed off at my dad and the world. What are you gonna do when I'm not here? Who is gonna keep you from killing yourself?

Corday (to Rachel): Your father's dying.
Rachel: I know that.
Corday: He's going to die soon. Very soon. If you keep on like this, you're gonna miss what little time you have left with him. This is it, Rachel. This is your last chance. And if you blow it, you're gonna end up hating yourself for the rest of your life.

Mark (to Rachel): Don't cry for me.
Rachel: I won't.
Mark: Be generous...always.
Rachel: I will. Daddy. I remember the lullaby. I remember you used to sing it to me every night. I remember.

Lockdown [8.22][edit]

Carter: Abby is the Obi-Wan Kenobi of nursing.
Pratt: What does that make you, Yoda?
Carter: Learn from her you will.
Abby (to Carter): Tell me everything's going to be okay.
(Carter kisses her)
Carter: Everything's going to be okay.