ER (season 13)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Bloodline [13.01][edit]

[Luka and Abby discuss a name for their soon-to-be-born son.]
Abby: We don't have a name.
Luka: I was kind of hoping we could name him after my father.
Abby: Really?
Luka: Yeah. He would really love to have a grandson named Mongo.
Abby: M-mongo?
Luka: Yeah, it's a very popular name in Croatia.
[Luka grins, and they both laugh.]
Luka: I'm just kidding. My father's name is Josef. I don't care how we're gonna call him.

[Abby and Luka head to the OR for Abby's C-section.]
Abby: I want to be awake, Luka.
Luka: You're OK. You're gonna be OK.

Dr. Coburn: 12 of betamethasone.
Abby: Oh, come on!
Dr. Coburn: We have to mature the baby's lungs in case of an emergent birth.
Abby: No, no, no, no, no! I have two and a half months left to go. This baby is not coming until then.

Abby: Is one going to be enough?
Luka: What?
Abby: One baby. Um, my uterus wouldn't stop bleeding and Coburn did everything she could but...
Luka: You had a hysterectomy? (Abby nods) Well, one is all we need.

Sam : You know, Steve, I was gonna ask you what happened to you to turn you into this. But then I realized it was always in the cards from the moment that I met you. You were on your way to becoming exactly what you are now.
Steve: I love him. I know you don't believe that. Especially right now. But I do.
Sam : Yeah, you love him. Right. That's why you get some woman to snatch him from school and tie him up and leave him in a van. You don't even remember his medicine.

Graduation Day [13.02][edit]

Frank: What'd you do, rob a pimp?
Morris: Yeah, your dad says hi.

Dr. Raab: Your daughter was a star student, when she was here in NICU.
Maggie: Really? (looks at Abby proudly) She never gives herself any credit.
Dr. Raab: The good ones never do.

Morris: I am not an ass-kissing company man; I'm an ass-kissing ER man, and I want my scrubs back.

Frank: Do you want the walls eggshell or white?
Kerry: Do I look like Martha Stewart? I'm the Chief of Staff, I've got real work to do.

[As Abby and Maggie are watching the surgeons operate on Abby and Luka's baby boy]

Maggie: Abby, you have a lot of great qualities, but optimism is not one of them.
Abby: (gives a hysterical, sarcastic laugh) Well, whose fault is that?
Maggie: Yeah, fair enough. I did not create an environment where a child could grow up thinking things would turn out okay. But you're not a child anymore- you're the mother now. And, that little boy down there needs you to believe things are going to turn out okay.

Somebody to Love [13.03][edit]

Kerry Weaver: Hey Haleh, can you pass me a head-C and a three-pack of Vicodin? (to Hope) I'll get him started on something for the pain-
Haleh Adams: Sorry. We got rid of head-C's about a year ago, and we're not allowed to dispense meds from the ER anymore.
Kerry Weaver: So what's a patient supposed to do if they can't get to a pharmacy?!
Haleh Adams: You are preaching to the choir, sister- I liked it better when you ran the joint.



Morris: So, are you loving motherhood?
Abby: Yeah, it's, ah, it's bizarre.

Abby: (as baby Joe starts to fuss) I'm gonna have to feed him now.
Morris: Okay. Breastfeeding is a wonderful, natural thing- nothing to be ashamed of-
Abby: You're not sneaking a peek at my tits, Morris.
Morris:...Okay.

Hope: Have you accepted Jesus into your heart?
Morris: Jesus from accounting?

Bennett Cray: It's all a beautiful lie that we tell ourselves. But it makes us feel better.

Parenthood [13.04][edit]

Pratt: What's Morris's problem?
Sam: Brain damage is the first thing that comes to mind.

Abby: [to baby Joe] Can you say "Daddy is a butthead?"

Pratt: Jane is like...
Luka: What's wrong with Jane? She's good.
Pratt: No, Jane is creepy. I'm serious. She's always sneaking up on me. She's like those twins in The Shining.

(moments later, Pratt turns around and sees Jane smirking at him)


[Morris, who has a black eye and bruises on his face, accompanies a patient into the ER]
Pratt: What the hell happened to you?
Morris: I was attacked by ninjas?
Pratt: [looks at the patient] Who's this?
Morris: An obnoxious soccer dad... blunt head trauma, with LOC, breathing on his own. What's open?
Pratt: Talk to me, Morris.
Morris: Nothing to talk about! The guy came at me, I defended myself. I'm patching him up.
Pratt: Why'd he come at you?
Morris: Have you ever been to a kid's soccer game? [snatches the chart out of Pratt's hand dramatically and storms off] Parents are crazy!

Ames V. Kovac [13.05][edit]

Abby: Didn't you used to be ... ?
Gates: A paramedic? Yeah, now I'm an intern.
Pratt: Next week he wants to be a cowboy.
Gates: Astronaut.

Luka: At the time of Mr. Ames's numbness there were 47 patients in the ER, 82 in the waiting room. I was treating a young mother who was the victim of domestic violence, nearly beaten to death; an 8-year-old hit by a car; and a 53-year-old heart attack victim. There are always sicker patients in the ER, and it was reasonable to believe Mr. Ames's numbness could wait!

Abby: I just don't want to be one of those crazy obsessive mothers who phones their babysitter every hour.
Gates: Mine used to tie me to my high chair. [Abby gives him a look] I'm sure yours is much better.

Heart of the Matter [13.06][edit]

Gates: Women are weird.
Frank: No, Neela's weird. Indian and Brit, bad combination.

Ray: I move my hips!
Weaver: Then move them over to admit.

Crenshaw: Are you trying to irritate me?
Abby: Well, you make it so easy!

Jigsaw [13.07][edit]

Morris: Hey, Sam?
Sam : Yeah?
Morris: He's our AMA patient from this morning, right?
Sam : [takes a look] Yeah, the flu jerk

Pratt: (Sees Luka bringing baby Joe to work) Who's this- the new chief of E.R?
Luka: Uh-huh. Training, so I can retire early.
Pratt: Good, we can use some new blood around here.
Gates: I'm new!
Pratt: You're too old to be new, Gates.

Morris: I should've stayed a resident. No responsibilities, just heal 'em and deal 'em, that was the life.
Sam : Morris, can I tell you something as a friend? (Morris nods) Sometimes you are such a little bitch! You make three times as much as I do, and for what? Give orders, instead of take them? Boo-hoo for you!

Sam : How long have you been congested?
Willis Peyton: I don't know, does it matter?
Sam : No, I'm just making conversation.

Hope: I lied to Samantha about something- and now she's really steamed.
Archie Morris: Oooh- bad move. Piss one nurse off, piss 'em all off- it's like the mafia.

Reason to Believe [13.08][edit]

Hope: Everybody needs something to believe in.

Courtney: How do you come down from something like that?
Kerry: Err, a glass of wine and a hot bath at the end of the day help.
Courtney: Mmm, sounds good to me!
Kerry: Errr, alright... [walks off playing nervously with her hair]

Luka: [to Officer Hollis about Curtis Ames] Look, he followed my wife and child to the park. I'd like you to go and talk to him. Help me protect my family.

Scoop and Run [13.09][edit]

Pratt: (about Courtney Brown) Who was that?
Kerry: I just told you who she was
Pratt: C'mon, hook a brother up-
Kerry: You know, your gaydar is terrible, even for a straight man.
Pratt:...Oh. Well (chuckles)... You have excellent taste in women, Dr. Weaver.
Kerry: Of course I do.
Pratt: Hey, um... can I ask you something personal?
Kerry: Maybe (smiles)
Pratt: Ok. How, um...When [pauses] did you know you were gay?
Kerry: Are you coming out to me, Greg?
Pratt: No, no, no, no. I came home and found my brother with another guy.
Kerry: Really?
Pratt: Yeah. He says he's just experimenting, that it's only a phase.
Kerry: And what do you think?
Pratt: I don't know. Can a straight guy go through a gay phase?
Kerry: I think it's more likely that he's gay. Hey, and he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

Luka: Americans- so sentimental about their holidays.
Abby: This from the guy who celebrates Croatian Independence Day, Croatian State Day and something called "Patriotic Gratitude Day."

Jane: (on why she won't take Abby's transport page at the end of her Thanksgiving shift) I'm just saying, it's bad karma to mess with the universal order of things!

[moments later, Jane gets cranberry sauce vomited all over her by a new patient]

Abby: Sorry, Jane- karma sucks.

Weaver: All right; how do you stay so skinny and eat so much?
Courtney: Uh, look who's talking, little skinny mini.
Pratt: Well, it seems like good genes to me.
Courtney: You want to come over and watch some football with me and Kerry tomorrow?
Pratt: [whispering to Weaver] Damn, you're lucky.

[When Meg and Sarah walk in on Tony Gates and Neela making out on the couch]
Sarah: Oh, my God.
Gates: Meg, Sarah, this is Neela.
[There is a small pause and Sarah runs out]
Meg: [in a voice dripping with contempt] How many times do I have to tell you Tony? [pauses] When you leave the glass directly on the wood, it leaves a stain.

Tell Me No Secrets... [13.10][edit]

Crenshaw: The human shish kebab will be fine, no thanks to that incredibly imbecilic stunt of yours.
Morris: Hey, how were we suppose to know the handle would break off?
Crenshaw: Ok, alright, just for fun, let's pretend that you each have even a modicum of gray matter that you've somehow managed to fashion into some crude rudimentary semblance of a brain. Then you would know you never pull out something near a vital structure unless you're in the OR.
Hope: We remove foreign bodies all the time in the ER.
Crenshaw: Pulling a vibrator out of someone's ass. Not the same thing.
Morris: Hey, hey! Dr. Bobeck acted under my supervision and on my orders.
Crenshaw: Perfect! It's the halfwit leading the dimwit!
Morris: Look, you obnoxious bore! The ER works damn hard for every patient we see. We acted in this guy's best interest when no one, not even surgery, would give him the time of day. Now, did we do something that didn't work? Yes. Fine, it happens sometimes. I will take full responsibility, but at least we got off of our asses and tried to help.
Crenshaw: Oh, well, gold stars for the ER asses!
Morris: Hey! What is it about your need to belittle other people? Does insulting someone make you feel like a man? Bolster what little self-esteem you're clinging to? Wow! You know, I can't even begin to imagine what happened in your life to make you the kind of person that everybody hates.

[Crenshaw stares at him for a moment, unable to form a reply, then leaves]

Hope: I could kiss you right now.
Morris: Really?
Hope: Umm...Now it's gone.

Luka (while feeding Joe): Joe! Next time, try eating your apricots, not throwing them! (Joe smiles) Hey! You think this is funny? (Joe laughs, and Luka gently imitates his laughter, then puts the spoon down and sits him up in his high chair) Girls don't like it when you wear your food. Trust me.

Pratt (to Kerry): Turns out, not everyone who experiments is gay.
Kerry: Excuse me?
Pratt: I'm talking about my brother, Chaz. It's like he said, it's just a phase.
Kerry: Is that so?
Pratt: Yep. You remember that girl he took home for Thanksgiving?
Kerry: Um hmm.
Pratt: Well, she spent the night. My brother's straight!
Kerry: Gee, Greg, you must be so proud.
Pratt: What? No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, uhh...well, you, you know.
Kerry: Yeah, and you're not my only black friend.

City of Mercy [13.11][edit]

Neela: (to Ray and Tony) Why don't you either slap each other silly or kiss now and get it over with.
Morris: At the end of the day, it's just us in the mirror. We're the ones who determine our own moral value. And to me, that's what Christmas is all about.
Morris: It is like some dorky angel has taken control of my mouth.

Breach of Trust [13.12][edit]

Neela: I've never been called a whore!
Abby: Did she say "dirty whore" or "filthy whore"?
Neela: Is there a difference?
Abby: Depends on the whore.
Kerry (to Luka): You're firing me? And this is how you tell me?
Luka: There's no good way.
Kerry: (to the staff, after saying she resigned and took the job in Miami) So, if you're ever in Miami, turn on Channel 6 and that's where you'll find me. And if I'm not there, I'll be on the beach with my son.

A House Divided [13.13][edit]

Abby: I just want to say that, you've probably seen me at my best... and, at my worst. And even though we didn't always see eye-to-eye, um... you helped me go from a nurse, to a medical student, to a doctor... to a mom. (both she and Kerry are suppressing tears)
Kerry:...I'm the one who's supposed to be upset here.
Abby: I know, sorry. (pause)
Kerry:... You were always there, as a nurse, and as a doctor... and most importantly, you've always been here, as my friend. (pause, she tearfully hugs Abby, who returns the embrace)
Abby:...Do you think this happens to the guys when one of them leaves?
Kerry: (laughs) I heard Carter bawled like a baby when he left.
Abby: ...I'll miss you.
Kerry: Thank you.

Kerry: Luka... take care of this place for me.
Luka: I will.

[Abby comes home with a crying Joe and makes a quick phone call to Luka. She picks Joe up, quiets him and turns around to see Curtis Ames sitting on the sofa, holding a gun; she gasps in terror]

Curtis Ames: Call your husband.
Abby: I- I just did. He didn't answer.
Curtis Ames: Call him again.

Murmurs of the Heart [13.14][edit]

Ames (to Abby): You're the successful doctor... right? You're smart, you're beautiful. You got the man, you got the baby, you got everything. So don't take it personal, when I say to you: you have no idea where I am right now.
Abby: You're wrong.
Ames: You think so?
Abby: Yeah. I think I know exactly where you are right now. You know nine years ago I had... My marriage was over, my mother was in a mental institution for the seventh time, I don't know and I drank... a lot. A lot! And I had reached this... I... You know what, I... One morning, I woke up in this apartment and I had no idea how I got there, next to some guy I didn't even remember meeting. And he was going through my stuff looking for money so he and his buddy could get a fix. So I ran outta there and I went downstairs, and I tried to get a cab, but I had no idea where I was and it was five o'clock in the morning and there were no cars in the street, so I just... I just sat down on the stoop and I just... I waited for something to happen. And at that moment I'm telling you, I knew, I mean, I was positive that happiness was something I was never gonna find.
Ames: Getting deep on me now.
Abby: (In tears) No! I am just trying to tell you that things can change, they can get better, even if you don't see it, they can!
(A tear is shown shining in Curtis' eye)
Meg (to Tony before she dies): Sarah, she's yours. Tony.... She's yours

Dying Is Easy [13.15][edit]

Abby (to Luka): I need to talk.
Luka: Is everything okay?
Abby: Um, you know, when you were on the roof, I was thinking how, what I would do if Joe didn't have a father and, um, if we didn't have each other. And I realized that if we could get through this we could probably get through anything.
Luka: What's going on?
Abby: I mean, have you ever wanted something so much but... it scared the hell out of you? See, here's the thing. Well, I changed my mind, and I was wondering if you could ask me again.
Luka: What?
Abby: Ask me again. Ask me to marry you.
[They smile happily at each other, Luka gets Abby up and then gets on one knee]

Crisis of Conscience [13.16][edit]

Dr. Lucien Dubenko: Save the cheerleader, save the world (TV-Show "Heroes" repeated quote)

From Here to Paternity [13.17][edit]

Abby: (to a patient who happens to work in a bakery) What's the deal with wedding cakes? How come they are so expensive? I saw one that cost $2,000.
Hope: Can you really put a price on the most special day of your life?
Abby: Mmm, what if it sucks?
Hope: (slamming her locker door) I knew it!
Abby: (startled) What?
Hope: You're getting married.
Abby: Am not!
Hope: Well, why are you looking in the wedding mags?
Abby: Because they're... they're... they're... there!
Hope: And why were you asking all the wedding cake questions earlier?
Abby: I was... I was curious.
Hope: Okay, fine. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're not getting married.
Abby: No!
Hope: Why not?
Abby: Because that's stupid. (contemplates that thought, then looks into Hope's eyes) I am not getting married. (she looks away)
Hope: You looked away. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
Abby: Hope! If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. (Hope giggles) You hear me? Kill you. As in dead. Got it?

Photographs & Memories [13.18][edit]

Luka: Morris knows we're getting married.
Abby: I'll bet Hope told him.
Luka: Hope knows?
Abby: She has this weird ESP wedding thing.
Tony (answering the phone): No, there's no Seymour Butts here. Hello, Sarah. Where are you?

Family Business [13.19][edit]

Luka (to Abby about Joe): I guess uh... his urine tested negative? Pratt doesn't think he needs a CBC?
Abby: (smiling) No. I know, you think I'm acting crazy.
Luka: No, I think you are acting like a mother, a slightly crazy one.
(When Sarah shows up at the hospital for a vaccine)
Neela: Why didn't you go to your pediatrician?
Sarah: He only takes care of little kids. Besides, I think I need a new doctor anyway. Do you know a good GYN?

Lights Out [13.20][edit]

Donald Anspaugh: What about emergency power for all the rooms?
Luka Kovac: We're getting to that.
Donald Anspaugh: And the bathrooms still aren't ADA-compliant-
Luka Kovac: First I need to upgrade the nurse-call systems and get automatic fire-drills.
Donald Anspaugh: Well, you have plenty of time to do that when we close.
Luka Kovac: Just- just give me another week, okay?
Donald Anspaugh: I gave you a month!
Luka Kovac: We're too busy!
Donald Anspaugh: We're busy every day.

[Malik tells Luka about a new patient; Luka tells him to start the patient on a drug]

Luka Kovac: Look, I haven't prepared the staff.
Donald Anspaugh: Well, you have the rest of your shift to do so.
Luka Kovac: (pause) What about the patients?
Donald Anspaugh: We've increased capacity at the urgent care clinic. (puts on his glasses)
Luka Kovac: You promised shuttles to other facilities-
Donald Anspaugh: We don't have enough money for that!
Luka Kovac: You have no idea what it's like to be down here.
Donald Anspaugh: (sharply) I covered trauma in this E.R. for twenty years! We're trying to improve the way it works!
Luka Kovac:... How long are you gonna shut us down for?
'Donald Anspaugh: As long as it takes.
Luka Kovac: So we can comply with trivial rules?
Donald Anspaugh: Without accreditation, we can't run this hospital!
Luka Kovac: Come on, Donald-
Donald Anspaugh: In twelve hours, we close the E.R. End of story.

Luka Kovac: OK, listen up- I've got reassignments for all of you during the E.R. closure.
Greg Pratt: How come you're just telling us this today?
Luka Kovac: I thought I could prevent this, but Anspaugh's not budging.
Malik: How long we shuttin' down for?
Luka Kovac: I'm not sure.
Chuny Marquez: Great- I'm sure I'll end up giving enemas in Geriatrics.
Luka Kovac: No, you're going to I.C.U. (Chuny looks relieved) Malik, Geriatrics. (Malik looks incredulous) Pratt, Family Medicine. Abby, you're going to the N.I.C.U-
Abby Lockhart: Uh, I'm not going to the N.I.C.U. (Luka looks up quickly, then remembers)
Luka Kovac:... Right. I'll, uh, fix that.

[Sam finds a patient with end-stage ovarian cancer on a computer in the break-room]

Sam: Hey! Been looking all over for you.
Diane: I gotta... get an airline ticket, before the price goes up. (Sam gently pulls her away from the computer)
Sam: C'mere. Come on, sit down- please? (Diane reluctantly follows her to the couch)
Diane: Malaria... won't feel... as bad as this.
Sam:... Look, the fluid in your belly is compressing your lungs. If you let us take some of it off, it'll make it easier to breathe.
Diane: I just wanna get o-on the plane.
Sam: I understand that, okay? But you are breathless and you are pale (moves Diane's hair out of her eyes) and flight crews are trained to spot people just like you.
Diane: (pause) I'll wear blush.
Sam:...Parasentisis will only take a few minutes.
Diane: Sam, I have friends... in Costa Rica... and they're waiting for me. (tearfully) It's all planned out.
Sam: (nods, but gives her a direct look) This is your only chance to get there.

Tony Gates: You can't send me home!
Archie Morris: You shoulda thought about that before, cowboy.
Tony Gates: I helped the guy without sedation-
Archie Morris: You went against my orders!
Tony Gates: Oh come on, Morris-
Archie Morris: And you're supposed to be a soldier-
Tony Gates: (angry) I am a soldier! A real one!
Archie Morris: Coulda fooled me.
Tony Gates: You're acting like I killed the guy-
Archie Morris: I am sick and tired of you not taking orders! In the time that you got here, you have placed a subclavian line without supervision, you tapped a V.P. shunt without even calling neurosurgery, you overrode an Attending to give digibine to a guy who was already brain-dead!
Tony Gates: (sarcastically) What, you keepin' score?
Archie Morris: (counting on his fingers) Transposed numbers, falsified charts, you're slow as hell with documentation-
Tony Gates: You know what, you sound like my old girlfriend-
Archie Morris: And still you act like you're God's gift to medicine! Like, like you're too good to seek advice or need help. (Gates smirks) You're arrogant and dangerous, and I've had enough. We all have. Go home.
Tony Gates: Where's Kovac?
Archie Morris: This is my call, not his.
Tony Gates: Okay. (walks off)
Greg Pratt: What was that all about?
Archie Morris: I sent him home
Greg Pratt: (shrugs) I tried that, once.

Donald Anspaugh: You did it, Dr. Kovac.
Luka Kovac: I don't like this.
Donald Anspaugh: Hey, it's not all Mercedes and racquetball.
Luka Kovac: I know that, but I'm beginning to feel that the politics aren't worth the paycheck. First you make me fire Weaver, then I spend half my time in BS meetings, I'm flooded with paperwork- and now, this.
Donald Anspaugh: Welcome to management, Luka.
Luka Kovac: This isn't me. I'm resigning as chief.
Donald Anspaugh: Luka, part of being the boss is being the bad guy.
Luka Kovac: I'll leave that to someone else. I just want to be a doctor. Good night. (walks away as the lights of the ER go out)

I Don't [13.21][edit]

Rabbi: By the power vested in me by the State of Illinois, Cook County, I hereby pronounce you man and wife. Step on the glass and kiss that girl. (Luka grins, stomps on the glass and kisses Abby) Mazel tov!

Tony Gates: ...What's your damage, Ray?
Ray Barnett: (drunk) My damage is that you walked into our E.R. like you owned the place. I don't appreciate that, and nobody else does.
Tony Gates: (smirks) Ray, I realize that you don't like me, but sooner or later you're gonna have to get used to living with me- 'cause I ain't going nowhere.
Ray Barnett: You wanna leave a mess wherever you go? That's up to you. But there are two things I will not let you screw around with. That is patient's lives, and-
Tony Gates: And what, Ray?
Ray Barnett: (pause, referring to Neela) And her.
Tony Gates: Hey, I care about her, you selfish little piss-head! (Pratt and Morris move forward and try to break them up)
Ray Barnett: I bet you almost had yourself convinced about that. But, see, the problem is- is that- you're the only one that buys it!
Greg Pratt: Come on, Ray, let's go sober up-
Tony Gates: Wait, wait, wait. Let me just say, Ray- that thing you guys had in the past? It's over. Finished, done! (Neela appears)
Neela Rasgotra: Tony- (they both look at her, then back at each other)
Ray Barnett: You don't know how to take care of her. (swallows the rest of his drink)
Neela Rasgotra: Ray, please-
Tony Gates: (picks up his drinks) Well, Ray- at least I'm trying. (starts to walk away, Morris looks relieved)
Ray Barnett: That's right, that's right- like you took care of Meg, huh? (long pause, then Gates throws away his drinks and lunges at Ray, starting a fistfight; Pratt and Morris try to pull them apart as Neela watches)

Archie Morris: You know what I love about you, Gates? Just when I start worrying that maybe I'm being too hard on you, you do something to prove what an ass you are!

Tony Gates: So, that's it- we're done?
Neela Rasgotra: Yeah.
Tony Gates: Because Ray couldn't get over you?
Neela Rasgotra: No- because- you can stand there, as if you're listening to what I'm saying, and still believe that none of this is your fault.

Sea Change [13.22][edit]

Abby (to Luka): Being married isn't going to change the fact that I don't cook, or sew, or keep track of your socks.
Luka (to Abby): You couldn't find anyone to cover your shift today?
Abby: No. That's the problem with surprise weddings, it's hard to plan.

The Honeymoon is Over [13.23][edit]

Frank: Gates, your patient stopped breathing.
Gates: Nah, he's just holding his breath. He does it for attention.
Frank: Well, he's been holding his breath for ten minutes.
[When Morris, Pratt and Abby are watching an online adult video that two of their patients are in]
Pratt: Does that look consensual to you?
Morris: Oh yeah! That's sensual.
Abby: (smacks Morris over the head) Consensual.