Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a 2015 sequel to the original Paul Blart: Mall Cop by Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison Productions.

Paul Blart

• Help someone today!
• It looks like we've come to a fork in the road. [shoots the vibrating fork like a bow-and-arrow]
• Not today, death! Not today!
• We are trained to detect, deter, observe, and report. But one day, 6 years ago, a man did more than that. And I AM THAT MAN!
• Always bet on Blart.
• I don't drink. But I do ride! [slaps horse's butt, then horse kicks him into a car]

Maya Blart

• [from trailer] Come on, Dad. It's a vacation. Try to enjoy it.
• If we live, I'm not going to UCLA.
• Holy crawfish!

Others

• Margaret: [final words] Oh, there's my paper. [gets run over by a milk truck]
• Vincent: Unacceptable. [referring to Paul Blart] Kill him.
• Divina: Your uniform as requested, Officer Blart.
• Saul: Paul...can you step up to the plate and save us?
• Khan: I came straight from a haircut.

Dialogue

Henk: [walks in] Excuse me, guys, uh, but we have a complaint about the noise.

Robinson: [walks up to Henk] That's why we have you.

Vincent: Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform.

Henk: Right? Look at that! Ha-ha, smiley! You don't wanna know what it took to get the real deal.

Vincent: No, I don't

---

Maya: Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite.

Paul: Oh, really? Well, you know what, I've lost my appetite. What has gotten into you? You lied to me. You said you were taking a nap.

Maya: Well, I was going to, but...

Paul: [interrupts Maya] Mm, you never called me once. You leave the bath filled which could've caused water damage, candles lit which could've burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada.

Maya: I'm sorry. It's just Lane invited me to go out to the pool...

Paul: [interrupts again] Lane? Lane? That's what this betrayal's about? Chicken Chow LANE?!

Maya: Dad, people are looking. [smiles nervously]

Paul: [calms down] What happened to her, Maya? What happened to the pristine girl who could never tell a lie? What happened to my little George Washington?

Maya: "George Washington"?

Paul: He could never tell a lie. He was full truth in a powdered wig.

Maya: I think you're overreacting.

Paul: Really? [pulls out UCLA application] And when were you gonna tell me about that?

Maya: [pause, takes the application] Where did you find this?

Paul: Please, Maya. I'm a highly-trained security specialist. You can't expect to keep secrets from me.

Maya: [pause] I didn't think I'd get in.

Paul: [sighs in disappointment] I didn't even know you applied there. What happened to Central Jersey Applied Technical Junior College?

Maya: [excited] We're talking about UCLA here!

Paul: Yeah, I thought we were talking about CJATJC.

Maya: Dad, you don't understand. I have a chance to go to California!

Paul: Maya, California... It's-It's too far away.

Maya: [pause] Well, think about it this way: you can come visit me in the wintertime when really cold in Jersey.

Paul: Of course I can if I want some smog in my earthquake flakes!

Maya: [pause] You know what, I've decided: I'm going.

Paul: Wait, you've...decided? You've just decided? Well, you know what, decision overruled. Judge Blart, now in session! [slams a plate of bread]

[Maya stands up, Paul eats a bread slice]

Maya: I know you've lost a lot lately and you're scared. [voice breaking] But what you're doing right now is so wrong. [Paul shakes his head] I'm going to UCLA. [she walks out in frustration]

Paul: Maya? Maya, you get back... Maya...

---

Paul: I told you I was crazy.

Vincent: And I told you...that I'm crazy.

Paul: Whoa. Y-You can't out-crazy me. My crazy will take your crazy, shove it in a metal tube, fill it with rats, then blowtorch it until the rats have no way to escape except eating their way through your crazy.

Vincent: Wow. You are oblivious to the avalanche of insanity I am about to unload. You don't know what I will do to you!

Paul: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU! I WILL SPIN AROUND UNTIL I THROW UP ON YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS! I SIMPLY DON'T CARE!

Vincent: I STICK YOUR FACE IN MAPLE SYRUP AND MAKE YOU SING GOSPEL! HOW DOES THAT BLOW YOUR HAIR BACK, BLART?!

Paul: I WILL CRAWL INSIDE YOU AND LAY EGGS LIKE A BABY SPIDER!

Vincent: I WELCOME IT! I'VE GOT 2 DIFFERENT COLORED EYES! SHOWS YOU HOW I LIVE MY LIFE!

Paul: I WILL BRING A FOLK GUITAR TO A PUMPKIN FIGHT BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I WAS BROUGHT UP!

Vincent: [pause] Okay, you lost me on that last one.

Paul: BECAUSE THAT'S HOW CRAZY I AM! NOW GIMME BACK MY DAUGHTER!

Vincent: GIVE ME MY PAINTING!

Paul: AAAAAHH!!! [throws the painting on the floor but it didn't slide due to the carpet]