Regular Show (season 2)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Film | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Regular Show.

Ello Gov'nor [2.1a][edit]

Rigby: (trying to sleep) I'm a tough guy. (He says "tough guy" repeatedly).
(In his dream, he is a tough guy named Fists and is walking down the street at nighttime.)
Fists: They say this city's tough. But I'm tougher. (walks into a dark alley, and a gangster with half of his hair shaved off follows him with a knife)
Gangster: You walked down the wrong alley, Riggerson. (Fists pins him against the wall.)
Fists: The name's... (pulls fist back) ...Fists! (He's about to punch him, but then, the taxi comes and shines its lights on him and the gangster.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor!
Fists screams before taxi drives into Fists and gangster.
Rigby: (Screams awake again.)
Mordecai: (Groans angrily with his hands crunching) What the heck, Rigby?!
Rigby: It's that stupid British taxi! It's all inside my brain!
Mordecai: Ugh, I knew it. I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie.
Rigby: I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it.
Mordecai: Ah, all right, dude, we're just gonna desensitize you the horror. We're gonna watch Ello Gov'nor over and over again, until you stop being scared.
[later, in the living room]
Mordecai: [as he pushes Rigby against the screen] Look at it! Look at it! It's not real! You can see the microphone showing!!
Rigby: Let me go!!
Mordecai: LOOK AT IT!!
Rigby: Get off me!
Mordecai: I'm sick of you keeping me up! You look at it!
Rigby: LET ME GO!
Mordecai: LOOK AT IT!!
Rigby: LET ME GO!!
Mordecai: Look at it. Look...at it...you look at it, you...look at it...
Rigby: Let... me GO!! (Throws the cover)
Benson: What the heck is going on?!
Mordecai: Rigby's just freaked off by this stupid dumb British movie we watched.
Benson: Well, you'd better have this place cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game.
Mordecai: Cricket?
Benson: Yeah. I'm trying new things.. So what.
Mordecai: (gasps) Will British people be there?
Benson: It's cricket. What do you think?

It's Time [2.1b][edit]

Mordecai: All right, dude. I'll go to the movies with you. Just call it of with her.
Rigby: [scoffs] Yeah, right. I'm not going with you. You had your chance to ask her and you blew it. YOU BLEW IT!
Mordecai: [groans] Come on, dude...just give me another chance.
Rigby: Okay...I'll give you another chance if you admit that you're jealous.
Mordecai: No!! I'm not jealous!
Rigby: Then I guess I'm still going out with Margaret! OOOOOOHHHHH! YOU BLEW IT AGAIN, YOU BLEW IT AGAIN!
[As Mordecai runs around the house swiping all the clocks, preventing Rigby to see the time]
Mordecai: [covering the time on the microwave] Call it off with her.
Rigby: You're jealous, Mordecai! It's all over your face!
Mordecai: MY FACE ISN'T JEALOUS! [quickly shoves all the clocks into the microwave]
Rigby: Dude, what are you doing?! You can't do that!
Mordecai: Can't do what? This? [slams the microwave door shut and starts it as all the clocks start to melt] Now you'll never be on time for your date!
Rigby: [leaps onto Mordecai's shoulder, tackling him] Give me back those clocks!
Mordecai: NO!
Rigby: What's your problem?! Why do you have to be jealous all the time!
Mordecai: Shut up! This is all your fault! I finally get a chance to ask out Margaret, but you had to butt in and ruin everything!
Rigby: No, I didn't! I just wanted to see Zombie Dinner Party with my bro, who flaked on me, for some girl who doesn't even know he exists!
Mordecai: [enraged] I'LL KILL YOU!
Mordecai: [after seeing all the times he was jealous of Rigby throughout the entire episode through the Truth Hole] It's true, I am jealous of Rigby, and even though he's annoying, he's still my best friend. You're right Father Time, I deserve to be trapped here.

Appreciation Day [2.2a][edit]

Benson: Next person receiving an appreciation plague is… Skips. [the other workers applaud for Skips as he comes over to him] It says here in the Book of Park Records that you went the whole year without taking a day off.
Muscle Man: [to Hi Five Ghost] Oh, man, that's like, 400 days!
Benson: [giving Skips his plaque] Thanks, Skips. We appreciate it. Next is, Pops.
Pops: [joyfully] Hooray!
Benson: For helping a baby bird back into its nest.
[After Benson leaves his office with the Book of Park Records…]
Rigby: [disappointed] Aw, man. I didn't get to write the ending.
Mordecai: Whatever, dude. It's not like anyone is gonna believe that stuff. Just be glad we didn't get caught.
Rigby: Ugh. It's so hot. I can't stop sweating.
Mordecai: Dude, is it just me or does being appreciated blow?
Rigby: Yeah, man. It's not worth it.
Pops: [showing up in the cart] Mordecai, Rigby, did you hear? There's to be a blizzard this afternoon!
Mordecai: But it's the middle of Summer.
Pops: I know, but look! [shows them tennis rackets tied to his feet] I've already donned my snowshoes. [drives off]
Rigby: Pfft, snow? Sounds like more crazy Pops talk to me, right?
Mordecai: Yeah.
[They both laugh, but not for long when a giant blizzard suddenly appears out of nowhere]
Mordecai: This is crazy!
Rigby: Dude! I think it's the book!
Mordecai: What?!
Rigby: Don't you get it?! The pancakes, Benson liking us, the work, this blizzard!
Both: Skips!
[Later, they drive the golf cart out from the garage and into the blistering blizzard to search for Skips]
Mordecai: Dude, how are we gonna find him? I can't see anything!
Rigby: Just keep going! [they suddenly crash into a shadowy figure] What was that?!
[They get out of the cart and gasp in realization to see they've accidentally ran over…]
Both: Skips!
[They help Skips up and his right leg breaks, causing him to exclaim in pain]
Rigby: That's not good.
Mordecai: Help me get him into the cart!
Skips: You wrote lies in the Book of Park Records?
Mordecai: Maybe…
Rigby: Yeah, well… You're the one who made me stop writing. There was gonna be a super sweet ending with bazookas, and explosions, and a heli--
Mordecai: Rigby, the book! If everything we write in the book come true then all we got to do is… [gasps]
Both: We gotta find Benson.
Rigby: Whoa.
Mordecai & Rigby: Cool!
Benson: I'll take that! I don't know what's been going on here or why you two jokers have my book, so you had better clean this mess up starting now, OR YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!!
Mordecai: What mess?
Benson: [looks around and sees no mess at all] Uh—
Rigby: We did all the job you asked us to do.
Benson: …Skips, let's get outta here.
[Benson gets in the golf cart, then Benson and Skips drive away]
Rigby: What? Still no appreciation plaques?

Peeps [2.2b][edit]

Margaret: Hey, guys. What's with the cameras?
Mordecai: These? Um... we're making an indie documentary.
Margaret: Whoa, that's cool!
Mordecai: Yeah...it's pretty obscure...art-house stuff...
Rigby: It's so indie, only one dude's gonna see it!
Margaret: What's it called?
Benson: [on mic] It's called "Slackers 2: The Return of Mordecai and Rigby To Their Jobs". [on watch] Break's over!
Mordecai: Uh, I guess we'll take two lattes.
Benson: TO GO!!
Mordecai: Oh! Uh, hey, Benson! We were just getting back to work!
Benson: It's okay, Mordecai. I trust you.
Mordecai: Really?
Benson: Of course I do! Because now I have this! [sets up camera] Say hello to Peeps. It's a surveillance system! Now I'll be able to see what you're up to all the time! 24/7, 365. Isn't that great? Well, I'll let you guys finish your work. And remember: I'm watching you. [walks away]
Rigby: Dude, I don't think Benson trusts us at all!

Dizzy [2.3a][edit]

Benson: It's always good to have you at the park, Mr. Maellard...sir.
Mr. Maellard: Don't try to fraternize with me, Bert.
Benson: Actually, sir, my name is "Benson".
Mr. Maellard: I KNOW WHAT YOUR NAME IS, BEANBAG!! So everything is ready for the unveiling of the new statue today, right, Beanbag?
Benson: Yes, sir. The catering's all set and the sound system is in place.
Mr. Maellard: Good. Great. There's only one thing missing — my son, Pops!! When I told him he had to give a speech today, he ran away, crying! I didn't invite all my friends and waste a lot of money for nothing. Right, Beenteen?
Benson: Uh... no, sir.
Mr. Maellard: Now go find Pops so he can give his speech, or you're FIRED!! Underline, FIRED!
Benson: I can't find Pops! Did you see him?
Skips: No! I checked everywhere!
Benson: Muscle Man! Have you seen Pops at all today?
Muscle Man: Yeah. And you know who else has seen Pops today?
Benson: Who? Your mom?
Muscle Man: I wasn't gonna say that!! Why does everyone always think I'm going to say "my mom"?! I saw Pops earlier by the playground with those two losers.
Benson: Oh, great. Mordecai and Rigby found him first.
Skips: We better find him quick!

My Mom [2.3b][edit]

Muscle Man: You know who else has the best tacos in the city?
Rigby: Dude, Benson will blow a fuse if he finds out we were slacking off!
Muscle Man: You know who else would blow a fuse if she found out we were slacking off?
Mordecai: We don't have time for this!
Muscle Man: You know who else doesn't have time for this!?
Mordecai and Rigby: UGH!!
Muscle Man: You know who else says "ugh"?! MY MOM!!!!
Muscle Man: Are you making fun of my mom?!?! YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF MY MOM!! NO-ONE MAKES FUN OF MY MOM!!!
John: "Yo, little brother! My ears are ringin! Is someone makin fun of our mom!? "
Muscle Man: Yeah, they are bro!
John: "Oh no bro! "
Muscle Man: I know bro!
John: "That's it! I'm comin up there! "

High Score [2.4a][edit]

Mordecai: (groans) What now? Look, we're working. See!
Rigby: Yeah, we're never gonna get done if you keep checking up on us!
Benson: It's payday, fellas.
(Mordecai and Rigby run towards Benson)
Mordecai: Yeah-yuh!
Rigby: Aww, nice! My favorite day of the every other week!
Mordecai: Oh hey, Benson. What're you doin here?
Benson: I thought about what you guys said earlier and so I've come down to give you those checks you wanted.
Mordecai and Rigby: Oh wow, thanks!
Benson: BUT now that I'm covered in BRAIN GOO, I realized my mistake! [shreds and throws checks] You want to waste your lives playing video games, then fine! I RESPECT YOUR DECISION!! JUST DON'T DO IT ON MY TIME EVER AGAIN!!
[beat.]
Mordecai: I can respect that.
Rigby: Yeah, that's cool.

Rage Against the TV [2.4b][edit]

Rigby: Oh no, not this guy! We never beat this guy!
Mordecai: Dude, we're going to do it this time, come on! Hit him! Hit him!
Rigby: I am hitting him! Nothing's happening!
Mordecai: Aw, dude! Try kicking him in the junk! Kick him in the junk! Kick him in the junk!
Rigby: I'M kicking him in the junk!
Mordecai: Well, keep doing it!
Muscle Man: Who is it?
Mordecai: It's us.
Muscle Man: What do you want?
Mordecai: We wanna borrow your TV!
Muscle Man: Why?
Mordecai: Because. We're about to beat The Hammer.
Muscle Man: WHAT?! (SLAM) NOBODY can beat The Hammer! It's impossible!
Mordecai: Pfft! Not for us! Will you let us borrow your TV or not?
Muscle Man: Yeah. You can borrow it... if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like.
Mordecai: He's blue, with a black mullet.
Muscle Man: Fives!
[Fives scrolls thru Video Game Power Mag to see stats for The Hammer]
Hi Five Ghost: Uh-huh.
Muscle Man: Oh man!
Rigby: So can we borrow it?
Muscle Man: Yeah, you can borrow it. So we can watch you LOSE!! Ahaha! WOOO!!! WOOHOO!!! This is gonna be hilari-uhh! (CRUNCH!!)
[beat]
Rigby: Does Benson have a TV?

Party Pete [2.5a][edit]

Mordecai and Rigby: We gonna party!
Mordecai: Got some chips, got some dip!
Rigby: Some call me cheap, bit of a free loada, but I bought cups for that old school soda!
Mordecai: I dont need to brag, I dont mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini toasts!
Rigby: HUMMUS!
Mordecai: HUMMUUS!
Both: HUUUMMUUUS!!!
Benson: Why are you guys yelling "hummus"?
Benson: Is that a party I hear?!
Mordecai: Uh, no, that's the TV.
Benson: OH YEAH?! I CAN HEAR MUSIC COMING FROM THE HOUSE! I think I'm gonna come down for a little visit! SEE YOU SOON!

Brain Eraser [2.5b][edit]

Mordecai: Pops. Yo, Pops. I found your Mustache Monthly. (Puts Pops' Moustaches Monthly on a chair and turns his head around, before seeing Pops, just out of the shower and naked.) AAAAAGH!
Pops: Aaaaagh!
Mordecai: Aaaaagh!
Pops: Aaaaagh!
Mordecai: Aaaaagh! (In all the confusion, he now catches a glimpse of Pops' "junk mail".)
Pops: Aaaaagh! (Pops covers his "junk mail" with his hat. Mordecai covers his eyes. They both try to leave but they're in each other's ways".)
Mordecai: (breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...
Pops: (breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...
(Mordecai finally escapes Pops' room as Pops goes into his bathroom. Mordecai goes downstairs and sits on the couch.)
Mordecai: Stop playing for a second. When I went upstairs, Pops was getting out of the shower.
Rigby: Yeah, so?
Mordecai: And he didn't have a towel.
Rigby: Ewww!
Mordecai: I tried not to look and just give him the magazine, but I saw his...
Rigby: His junk mail? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Mordecai: No, dude, I'm mentally scarred. It's like the image is glued in the inside of my eyelids. Every saggy, wrinkled, shriveled, pasty...
Rigby: Whoa, whoa! Don't put it in my head!
Mordecai: This is your fault! You have to help me!
Rigby: I'll help you to forget it if you promise to stop talking about it.
Mordecai: Deal.
(They shake hands.)
Rigby: Trust me, man. This will make you forget.
Mordecai: (covering his eyes) No, no. I'm not looking at anything ever again. Every time I open my eyes, I see Pops naked.
Rigby: Just give it a chance.
Mordecai: No! (Rigby grabs Mordecai's arms.)
Rigby: Look at it! Look at it! Look at it!
Mordecai: Get off! I'm not looking at a stupid-- (Mordecai opens his eyes wide and sees Planet Chasers: Starlight Excellent)
Rigby: Yes!
(Rolls of film fly out of Mordecai's eyes and into the bright TV screen)
Rigby: Coooool!
(Each film cell shows a piece of Mordecai's memory)
Rigby: Did it work?
(when the film's over, Mordecai groans and mumbles incoherently)
Rigby: Mordecai! Do you remember seeing Pops naked? Pops naked? Nude? In the buff? Naked Pops, naked Pops, naked Pops! Awesome! Dude, it totally worked! Up high! Let's... get you some coffee.
Mordecai: It's gone! Naked Pops is gone! I don't remember it anymore!
Benson: What did you guys do? What is this mess? I can't even take a shower around here without you guys screwing things up--

Benson Be Gone [2.6a][edit]

Mr. Maellard: Snacks disappearing from the snack bar, holes in the walls — $500 worth of prank phone calls?! It's ridiculous! What are you doing to my park, Beenteen?
Benson: But, sir, it's not my fault. It's Mordecai and Rigby. It's right here on my report.
Mr. Maellard: Are you my park manager, Beanteen?
Benson: Yes, sir.
Mr. Maellard: Then everything that happens here is your fault!
Benson: Well... yes, technically, but—
Mr. Maellard: Say it.
Benson: ...Everything that happens here is my fault.
[a white limo crashes through the left side of the office!]
Mr. Maellard: MY CAR!!
[Mordecai rolls down the window]
Mordecai: Sorry, Benson, remember how I told you I can drive stick? Well, I'm a little rusty.
Rigby: I told you that you should've let me be the one to park it!
Mr. Maellard: Why are they driving my car when I specifically TOLD YOU TO PARK IT?!!
Benson: I did, sir, but I delegated it to Mordecai and Rigby.
Mordecai: Uhh, this is getting a little awkward, so we're gonna take off. [backs away]
Benson: Wait!!
[the limo then falls onto the side of the house, bleeping]
Mr. Maellard: That's it! Emergency meeting tomorrow! Things are going to change around here.
'[the next day, outside the house...]
Mr. Maellard: I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to work, so let me make this brief. Beancan, you're being demoted.
Benson: What?!
Mr. Maellard: Everyone, this is Susan. She'll be taking over Beanton's duties at the park.
Susan: Thank you, Mr. Maellard. First, I'd like to thank Benson for agreeing to step down from his position.
Benson: What?!
Susan: I know this park's productivity has been inadequate for a long time. But now that I'm here, we're gonna get this park back in working order the Susan way. So, Pops and Skips, I need you to clean the north end fountain. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are on snack bar duty. Mordecai and Rigby AND Benson, you guys will be raking the leaves.
Benson: What?!
Mordecai: Come on, Benson! We gotta rake these leaves, dude.
Benson: I can't do this.
Mordecai: Look, you're bummed out about getting demoted, but if you give it a chance, you'll see it's not that bad.
Benson: ...This is horrible.
Mordecai: No, it's not, you're just in a bad mood. Look, you just need to take your mind off it for a while and have some fun.
Rigby: Yeah, man, we can come back later and finish these leaves.
Benson: Ahah! This is so typical. You get bored so you just slack off instead of finishing your work.
Mordecai: It's not slacking, we're just taking a break. And besides, it's not like you're working that hard anyway.
Rigby: Yeah, you're raking like an old man that has a fatter old man holding his arms down.
Benson: I DON'T FEEL LIKE RAKING NOW, OKAY?!
Rigby: I'm just sayin'...
Benson: What if Susan catches us? She'll probably fire us for not working!
Mordecai: Dude, just calm down. We'll just pretend like we're working until she goes away.
Benson: Yeah, right! Like anyone would ever fall for that!
Rigby: It always worked on you!
Benson: Agh, fine! As long as it gets me out of raking these leaves!
[a montage with a rock instrumental starts playing. Mordecai and Rigby try to get Benson to eat cereal with them, but he crosses his arms and turns away from them. Later, Rigby tries to get Benson to read a comic with them. Again, Benson crosses his arms, and looks away. When Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson start playing stick hockey, only then does Benson start to smile and have fun. For the rest of the montage, Benson relaxes in the fountain, plays video games while eating pizza, does donuts on the lawn, slingshots water balloons at Muscle Man, slides down hills on an ice cube, and chugs soda.]
Benson: [laughs] I feel great!
Mordecai: See? I told you all you needed was a break! Now do you feel like getting back to work?
Benson: [laughs] No!
Mordecai: Wait, what? Dude, we have to go back to work eventually!
Benson: Yeah, right! I'm never working again!
Mordecai: No, seriously, we have to go back to work. Susan's coming.
Benson: Hah! What's she gonna do?
Susan: Why aren't you all working?
Mr. Maellard: Thank you, Benson, keep up the good work.
Benson: Alright, alright! Everybody back to work. We've gotta get this mess cleaned up, now! (everyone but M&R walk off) And that means you Mordecai and Rigby. (hands Mordecai a broom and Rigby a shovel) You better keep working after I'm gone, because if I come back, and you're not, you're fired!
(Benson gets in the cart and drives away.)
Mordecai: Haha, yeah, good to have you back, Benson! (to Rigby) You wanna go play video games?
Rigby: Yeah-yuh!
(Benson looks at the duo walk up the steps in the car's rear-view mirror.)
Benson: Ahhh... It's good to be back.

But I Have a Receipt [2.6b][edit]

Mordecai: [reads Darthon manual] "Your party walks down a long hallway and reaches a locked door. What do you do?"
Muscle Man: I smash it open with my war claw! Then, a bunch of ladies come out and they're all, "Ooh, Muscle Man! Quit pinching my butt with your war claw!"
Rigby: [reads] "Roll the 50-sided die to see if you unlock the door."
Skips: All we have is a 48-sided die and two marbles.
Rigby: Close enough. [Muscle Man chucks the die and marbles]
Muscle Man: Huh! [the die and marbles roll onto the floor] Did it work?
Rigby: Uhh... I don't think so.
Muscle Man: This blows!
Pops: Mordecai, Mordecai! [western accent] Well, I reckon I'd like a turn now!
Mordecai: Cyborg cowboys take three days to awaken from hypersleep. Sorry, Pops.
Pops: Oh...
Skips: Can't he cast a saving throw?
Mordecai: U-uh...
Benson: What does all this stuff mean? Are we even IN Darthon yet?
Mordecai: Uhh...
Benson: Or is that just an artifact or something?
Mordecai: Uhh... [shuts book] "Your party is suddenly ambushed by a flock of man-bats!" Skips the Mighty gets first strike.
Skips: [rolls die and marbles] Hi-yah!
Rigby: Let's see. Pirate samurai have +2 constitution, -3 charisma, divide by number of geese... Do we have a protractor?
Benson: I'm outta here.
Muscle Man: Worst game night ever!
Rigby: Aah!! Dude, they're RIGHT! This game sucks!
Mordecai: Let's get our money back.
Pops: Mordecai, Rigby!
Mordecai: Pops! Where have you guys been?
Benson: We were hiding in the armor closet, then suddenly we were in the stock room at Shoe Farm.
Rigby: Good thing it was worth it! Seven bones, baby!
Benson: $7.00?!![outraged] WE ALMOST DIED FOR $7.00?!!
Rigby: The numbers aren't important!
Mordecai: It was the principle.
Rigby: Yeah, if we're gonna spend that kinda money, it's gotta be on a COOL game!
Mordecai: Yeah, something like "Trail of Elderitch" or "The Lair of Anthelon".
Rigby: Dude, is that out?
Mordecai: Yeah, it came out last week.
Both: [run back into store] Yeah-hah!

This is My Jam [2.7a][edit]

(Seeing the Summertime Song as a a physical form, taking the form of a music tape with arms and legs with big, red sunglasses)
Mordecai:...What the heck is that?
Rigby: I have no idea what I'm looking at.
Mordecai: I think the song must've left your head and manifested itself into a physical form.
Rigby: Well, does it have an "Off" switch?
Mordecai: I dunno!
Rigby: Hey, dancing song dude! Knock it off! Dude, quit it! Seriously, man! I'm sick of this song!
[Casette drums on Rigby's head]
Rigby: Get off! [tackles casette and goes right through it] Oh my gosh, it's a ghost tape! [jumps into Mordecai's arms]
Mordecai: Dude. Calm down. It's not a ghost. It's just music. You can't touch music. But music can touch you.
Rigby: Oh, barf. How do we get rid of it?
Mordecai: I don't know. If we just ignore it, it'll probably just go away.
Mordecai: I've got an idea: Brain Explosion!
Rigby: What!? You can't explode my brain! That's gotta be illegal!

Muscle Woman [2.7b][edit]

Mordecai: Hey Muscle Man, we got work to do, remember? [Muscle Man breaks down]
Rigby: Dude... are you crying?
Muscle Man: NO! Crying's for ladies, LIKE YOU!! I don't cry!!
[cut to a crying nude Muscle Man in the shower, with Mordecai and Rigby knocking outside his caravan]
Rigby: Dude, he's been in there for hours!
Mordecai: Muscle Man! Muscle Man! [looks inside] Muscle Man, are you taking a shower so we can't see you crying?
Muscle Man: NO!! IT'S... IT'S JUST THE SOUND OF THE WATER HITTING THE DRAIN!!
Mordecai: Dude, what's wrong with him?
Hi-Five Ghost: [appears] His girlfriend Starla dumped him last night.
Rigby: What?! Muscle Man had a girlfriend? I wonder who had more junk in the trunk.
Mordecai: Muscle Man, just come out! We can talk about it if you want.
Muscle Man: NO!!! I DON'T TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS WITH ANYONE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Mordecai: Alright, Muscle Man, grocery stores have tons of available women.
Muscle Man: I don't know, Mordecai... None of these ladies are as hot as Starla.
Mordecai: Dude, man up! Check this out. [points] That girl is single.
Muscle Man: How can you tell?
Mordecai: Check out her cart. American cheese singles, a single serving of soup—and who buys one banana? And I don't see a ring on that finger. So what're you waiting for? Go get her!
Muscle Man: [walks to her] Uhh... hey. You're a chick. I was wondering if you wanted to....
[....]
Muscle Man: I CAN'T DO THIS!! [rips shirt showing his chest tattoo] THIS HEART BEATS FOR ANOTHER!!! [cries as the woman continues strolling] STARLAAA!!!
Mordecai: Look! I know how Muscle Man can be. He's annoying, he smells, and he pretty much has no common decency for others, but he's still human. And he has feelings. We all do. We're just fragile beings looking for someone to share something with. To laugh with. To love.

Temp Check [2.8a][edit]

Benson: Hold it. Nope. It's no good.
Both: Aw, what?
Benson: It's an INCH TOO tall. Do it again. Do it ALL AGAIN!
Both: (GROAN)
Rigby: It's just one inch!
Benson: Would you want to play Ultimate Frisbee in this? A guy could trip, skid, get severe turf rash and BAM!! Lawsuit. Now get to work.
Rigby: But- but- but-
Benson: Oh wait... Is that the sound of somebody who wants to be fired? (silence) That's what I thought.
Rigby: So, tell me a little about yourself.
Guy: [with fire on his back] Uh, I like pyrotechnics. [fireworks blows off his pocket, sets ablaze his pants]
Rigby: So, what're you good at?
Parrot: Rragh! Pyrotechnics! [boom!!]
(...)
Rigby: Let me guess. You like pyrotechnics.
Redneck: No. But I do like this. [brings harmonica to his rear end, and plays it through his butt. Rigby is stunned.]
Rigby: Alright, alright. That's enough!
Benson: (Turning red) I'm the only one around here who hires and fires, so if you don't really wanna do your own job, I'd be glad to accommodate you! Otherwise, you're on toilet duty for the next THREE MONTHS! Unbelievable!

Jinx [2.8b][edit]

Benson: Of course all this trash would still be here. Why do I even try? [spots Rigby] Hey! Hey!! Get over here right now!
[...]
Rigby: Benson! Hey man, I need you—
Benson: [covers Rigby's mouth] No. Stop. Don't say anything. What is this? You guys expect me to let this slide?
Rigby: No—yes—I dunno. Look, I just need you—
Benson: Ugh, what you need? Well, I need is for you to start cleaning up right now or you're FIRED!!
Rigby: Okay, okay! I'm doin' it! But can you just say my name three— [sees Mordecai behind the tree]
Benson: What? Say your name? [Mordecai holds his fist] Why do you want me to say your name? [looks behind] What? What're you looking at?
[Mordecai runs off]
Benson: Is that Mordecai? Mordecai!! Mordecai, get over here this second or you're fired! [canned by Rigby] What the heck, Rigby?! What's the matter with you?? [Rigby smiles realizing Benson just said his name, cans him again] AHH!! RIGBY!! [Rigby trashs him. Instead of saying his name one more time though, Benson screams] AUGHH!! [Drops to the ground and pounds it several times with his fists] GAAAHHHHH!!! RAAAAAHHHUH!!! [he furiously throws the trash can up high into the ground and angrily long kicks it] RAAAGGHHHHH!!!
Rigby: JUST SAY MY NAME ONE MORE TIME!!! [looks up beside Mordecai]
Mordecai: Hmhm. Hm. [PUNCH!!]
Rigby: Gotta find somebody, gotta find somebody! Fives!! You gotta help me, man! You gotta say my name three times! [beat] I'm jinxed and Mordecai's taking this thing way too far! You gotta say my name three times!!
[Fives shakes his head]
Rigby: COME OOON!!! [Fives shakes again] WHY NOT?!?!
Fives: Because I'm jinxed too...
Muscle Man: Aha! [leap-punches Fives] No talking while you're jinxed, loser!
Fives: Help.. me—
Muscle Man: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!
Rigby: Hi-Five Ghost, Hi-Five Ghost, Hi-Five Ghost!
Muscle Man: Hey!!
Fives: Ah ha ha ha ha! Whoo!!
Rigby: Dude, help me back! [Fives flies off] NO, WAIT!!
Muscle Man: Dude, why'd you do that for?!
Rigby: I'm sorry, I just needed to get rid of my jinx!
Muscle Man: Why don't you take it off yourself?
Rigby: You can do that?
Muscle Man: Pft, yeah, it's easy. Now, here's what you gotta do.

See You There [2.9a][edit]

Muscle Man: Yo, HFG! I found a video game system on the ground. Let's see what happens when we put it in the Microwave.

Do Me a Solid [2.9b][edit]

Pops: Yoo-hoo! Mordecai! Rigby!
Both: Hey, Pops! Hey, Skips!
Skips: You think you want some chips with that cheese?
Rigby: Oh, yeah, I guess we overdid it with the cheese, huh? HYAH!! (SPLAT!!)
[all laugh]
Pops: Are you supposed to be working at the snack bar today?
Rigby: Do us a solid and cover for us?
Skips: You shouldn't abuse the power of the solid. Bad things will happen.
Mordecai: Can you at least pretend you didn't see us?
Skips: Okay, but you owe me a solid. [drives off]
Rigby: We should probably get outta here.
Mordecai: Do me a solid and buy me a cup of coffee?

Grave Sights [2.10a][edit]

Guy: OH, MAN! Did You just See That zombie Take a discus to the face?! (everyone cheers)
Mordecai and Rigby: (singing obnoxiously) Because we know everything about scary movies and you know nothing about scary movies! We'll save the park with our knowledge of scary movies!!
Benson: [Irritated] STOP SINGING OR YOU’RE FIRED!!!
Mordecai and Rigby: Our... knowledge... of... scary... movies...
Mordecai: We'll go get the movie...
Zombie Slayer: Baby, you let yourself go real bad.
[She groans; Mordecai grabs Rigby's shoulder which makes Rigby yell, jumps into Mordecai's arms and knock over the projector, causing the film to stop; the crowd boos]
Rigby: Dude, why did you do that?
Mordecai: I didn't know you'd freak out that bad.
Man: Hey I want my money back!
[Others agree and Benson, who's in the crowd, turns around to see Mordecai and Rigby]
Benson: Fix it! Fix It!
Mordecai: Come on, come on!
[They put the projector back on the box, Rigby blows on the tape then accidentally spits on it]
Mordecai: Aw, why did you spit on it?
Rigby: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Man: This is terrible!
[Rigby puts it in the projector the wrong way and it doesn't work]
Mordecai: Dude, why isn't it working?
Benson: [Slamming his chair against the ground in frustration] Fix it! FIX IT! FIX IT!
[Rigby gets on the projector and shakes it; it causes rays to go out and into the ground while one of which hits a guy]
Man: Ow, my kidneys!
[A zombie is seen awakening, and Mordecai takes the tape out]
Mordecai: Aw dude, you put it in backwards!
[Mordecai puts it in the projector the right way]
Mordecai: There.
[The movie continues playing, the crowd cheers and Benson goes back to watching the movie]
Both: Phew.
Rigby: Hmph, hmph. Thanks for almost getting rid of our paid day-off, you loser.

Really Real Wrestling [2.10b][edit]

Mordecai: "Listen up, Mysterious Mister R! Mad Man Mordo's going to take you down! And I'm not talkin' downtown; I'm talkin' 6 ft underground!"
Rigby: "Mad Man Mordo? More like Bland Man Bordo! When I'm done with you people are gonna be like "Ugh! What happened to his face?" and I'll be like "Mysterious Mister R is what happened to his face!"
Rigby: And that's why we don't have tickets for wrestling because all you can think about is Benson's crank.
Benson: I knew it. I had a sick feeling, so I came to check on you, and I KNEW it.
Mordecai: Wait, listen, Benson...
Benson: No! You guys are FIRED! That's it.
Rigby: Wait, what? Come on!
Benson: No! I told you guys, but you DIDN'T wanna listen!

Over the Top [2.11a][edit]

Mordecai: [spitefully to Skips] You couldn't let it go. Well, I hope you got what you wanted.
Benson: Hey! Let me tell you guys something. This guy.. this guy right here is SO strong. He could take anyone of you OUT in arm-wrestling.
Skips: Nah, nah...
Benson: Skips! SKIPS! I am your boss!! And as your boss, I order you to arm-wrestle me.
Muscle Man: Aw yeah! Meat Cooler Kings round two!
Fives: Shotgun!
Rigby: So everybody thinks I'm dead?
Skips: Yep.
Rigby: Dude! We gotta prank 'em!
Skips: Uh.. Y'know Rigby, I think I've had enough pranks for today.
Rigby: (after beating Skips at arm wrestling) HATERS GONNA HATE!
Skips: Two words... PLAYCO ARMBOY!
Death: I will have your immortal soul.

The Night Owl [2.11b][edit]

Mordecai: Well, we did it.
Muscle Man: Yep.
Rigby: Yeah.
Muscle Man: Guess all that's left to do now is step down and get the car.
Rigby: That sounds about right.
Muscle Man: Well, I'll meet you guys down there. I gotta take down the tent first.
Mordecai: No, no — we'll take care of the tent. You should go first.
Muscle Man: I'm not stepping off this thing until you three step off it first.
Mordecai: What's that supposed to mean?
Muscle Man: It means I know what you're up to!
Mordecai: You know what I'M up to!? I know what YOU'RE up to! Step one: working with you is a huge mistake, and step two: get off this billboard, you smell like barf!
Muscle Man: YOU SMELL LIKE BARF!
Night Owl: How does it feel to be part of the final four?
Rigby: It feels GREAT!
Mordecai: Awesome!
Hi Five Ghost: It's exciting!
Muscle Man: WOOOOO!!!
Night Owl: Mmhm. And how did you make it this far?
Muscle Man: Working together, baby!!
Night Owl: [chuckles] Fantastic. So, what're gonna do with the car?
Rigby: Share it.
Night Owl: Hmm, that's funny. Because that's not what Mordecai said.
Muscle Man: What did Mordecai say..?
Night Owl: Well, that he was gonna take the car for himself.
Hi Five Ghost: Rigby said that?
Night Owl: Yeah. That's what Muscle Man said.
Mordecai: I knew it!
Rigby: That jerk.
Hi Five Ghost: I can't believe this!
Muscle Man: Oh, he's gonna pay!
Rigby: GET OFF THIS BILLBOARD, BARF SACK!
Muscle Man: DON'T CALL ME A BARF SACK!
Rigby: How long have we been up here?
Mordecai: Dude, I think we're in the future.
Muscle Man: Aww, this is all your fault!
Mordecai: Me?! You were the one who was tryin' to get the car for yourself! Yeah, that's right, The Night Owl told me what you said!
Muscle Man: What did I say?
Mordecai: [points at him] That you were gonna trick us so you could get the car for yourself!
Muscle Man: Get your hand out of my face! [slaps away Mordecai's hand] I never said that! That's what Rigby said!
Rigby: What?!
Muscle Man: That's what The Night Owl told Me!
Rigby: But The Night Owl told me that's what Hi-Five Ghost said!
Hi-Five Ghost: I never said that!
Mordecai: Wait a minute, guys. I think The Night Owl tricked us.
Muscle Man: Yeah, I think you're right, bro.
Benson: I always knew those guys were special.

A Bunch of Baby Ducks [2.12a][edit]

Benson: I don't care! Find someone to take care of these ducks right now and get back to work or you're fired.
Baby Duck: Hey Mordecai and Rigby, thanks.
(Mordecai and Rigby both smile)
Baby Duck: For being the coolest losers we know!
Baby Duck, Moredecai and Rigby: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Rigby: Hmm-hmm. Step off! Step off! You don't want none of this!
Moredecai: Is there any other things that might need cleaning?
[Benson walks away]
Mordecai: ...Benson?

More Smarter [2.12b][edit]

Benson: And if you don't stop goofing off and clean up this graffiti NOW, I’M GONNA TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!!!
Mordecai & Rigby: Huh...??
Benson: Do you have anything to say for yourselves?
Rigby: What just happened?
Mordecai: Ugh, I don't remember anything...
Muscle Man: Me and Fives were practicing for a pie-eating contest when you two dweebs came in speaking Spanish or something. [chows down pie]
Fives: Then you drank that green stuff.
Mordecai: AUGH!! I can't believe you made me drink your lame drink!
Benson: Better get started, or it's coming out of your paycheck.
Muscle Man: Yeah, losers.
Mordecai: In closing, your theories had failed to prove that you're smarter – for your brain is no bigger than a WALNUT.
(WALNUT) CRAK!!
Rigby: Very funny Mordecai, but your paper is fundamentally flawed because your brain is made up of 99% CANINE BUTT CHEEKS.
(BUTT CHEEKS) FWOO-CRAK!!
Mordecai: There is still one irrefutable truth. You don't have a high school diploma! So I'm smarter than you! You IMBECILE!!
(IMBECILE) FWOOSH-KLAK!!
Benson: Mordecai, Rigby, get downstairs right now and clean up the mess you made, or I'm gonna fire....
[into the smarter world]
Rigby: Dude, what is he saying?
[Benson, Pops and Skips are now ape-like neanderthals speaking nonsensical gibberish]
Mordecai: Oh no! We've become so smart they're stupid to us!
[in the real world]
Mordecai: Quarum hie vitio morianis!
Rigby: MORIANIS!!? Morianis vestris incipi(v)it rem TOTAM!!
Mordecai: Et harum facere dabere ire stultum!
Rigby: If you haven't made fun of me so much, none of this would've happened.
Mordecai: Whatever. You can't even get your diploma, because we're so smart. So, what's the point?
Rigby: You're right. There is no point.
Mordecai: Huh?
Rigby: What's the point of being so smart, if you can't even under- (off-screen) -stand anyone? (on-screen) We have to get stupid again.
Mordecai: How?
Rigby: ...RigJuice.
Mordecai: The fridge! (Mordecai and Rigby float to the fridge.)
(Scene then shows Muscle Man and High-Fives in a different way too while Muscle Man is eating.) (Rigby opened the fridge.)
Rigby: Ah ha! The RigJuice!
Mordecai: Pour me some.
(Rigby pours the RigJuice to his cup which shows how the material is made out of.)
Rigby: Whoa... It looks... different now.
Mordecai: Ready?
Rigby: Wait. If I drink this, I'll never get my diploma.
Mordecai: Dude, it's just a piece of paper.
Rigby: I know that, but you'll never stop making fun of me for it.
Mordecai: I don't care. I won't make fun of you anymore. I promise. To being stupid?
(Little silence appears)
Rigby: To being stupid. Bottoms up.

First Day [2.13a][edit]

[Mordecai opens a refrigerator]
Mordecai: ...Milk...
[Rigby opens a cupboard]
Rigby: ...Cereal...
[They are both at the table and they both pour the milk and cereal into a bowl]
Mordecai/Rigby: ...Combine.
[Rigby is about to eat the cereal with his face, but Mordecai stops him]
Mordecai: [picks up a spoon] This is the only clean spoon left, dude, lets play "punchies" for it.
Rigby: Okay, me first.
[Rigby punches Mordecai, but Rigby is shocked at how weak his punch was]
Mordecai: [starts laughing, then punches Rigby harder]
Rigby: [rubs his arm] Ow. Take it!
[Rigby moves to the other side of the table as Mordecai laughs and starts eating his breakfast]
Mordecai: [stops eating] Man, so far, this job is awesome! I still can't believe we have our own rooms!
Rigby: Dude, those rooms aren't cool, there's nothing in them, I had to sleep on the floor last night!
[Rigby starts pouring cereal into his mouth]
Mordecai: Well, yeah. I mean, we can go and get stuff for it, once we've earned some money! Ya Know!
Rigby: [seems full on cereal] Yeah, I guess.
Mordecai: You want some milk?
Rigby: Yeah.
[Mordecai starts pouring milk into Rigby's mouth]
(Everybody gets up; the park is ruined)
Mordecai: Did you win?
Rigby: (coughs)
Mordecai: I think you win.
Rigby: (sighs) It doesn't matter. I wasn't able to hold on to the chair anyways.
Pops: Look!
(half of the chair is still left)
Mordecai and Rigby: Aww, cool.
Benson: No you don't, you're not getting that chair. But here's what you do get: You get to flip that cart back over, you're throwing' that chair away, and then you're cleaning up this whole MESS!! Pops, you're comin' with me. And you two idiots, if this isn't cleaned up when I get back, YOU'RE FIRED!!!
[Benson walks into the house with Pops and Skips]
Mordecai: Okay, starting now, let's both promise not to do anything to screw this up. Agreed?
Rigby: Agreed. Rock-paper-scissors for who gets to drive the cart?

Go Viral [2.13b][edit]

Wedgie Ninja: Help me.
Mordecai: What?
Warden of the Internet: What's your name?
Pops: Pops.
Rigby: It's Pops!
Warden of the Internet: Step over to your right, Pops.
Pops: Is this my passport photo for the interwebs?
Warden of the Internet: Sort of.
Pops: Ooh, I love photos. I am ready, madame.
Warden of the Internet: Say 'doomed for eternity.'
Pops: Doomed for eternity! Oh!
Rigby: No!

Skunked [2.14a][edit]

Rigby: What!? AHHH! What am I gonna do now!?
Mordecai: I dunno dude, but we gotta get that smell off you. It reeks.
[Rigby angrily ticks off; his pupils dilated, his body has grown larger and violently throttles Mordecai]
Rigby: DON'T TELL ME ABOUT HOW I SMELL! I KNOW IT REEKS! YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW IT REEKS!?
Rigby: Dude, Bingo!
Mordecai: Bingo?
Rigby: Bingo, bingo!
Mordecai: Bingo!
Rigby: Ohhhhh!
Mordecai: Woahhhhh!
Rigby: YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART DON'T YOU!? "OH LOOK AT ME, I'M SKIPS, I KNOW EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M SO OLD!" LET ME TELL YA HOW TO FIX YOUR PROBLEMS IN A REALLY LAME WAY! WELL YA KNOW WHAT I THINK!? [angrily grabs Skips] YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'! YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHIN! [drops him]
Teenager: [coughs twice] Thank...You. [passes out, unconscious]
Mordecai: He still counts as a skunk, right?
Rigby: Totally counts as a skunk.

Karaoke Video [2.14b][edit]

Carrey O'Key: I SAID NO! I can play that tape whenever I feel like it, and there's not a darn thing you can do about it. I don't want to see you punks back here again. You're BANNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mordecai: Sorry, guys.
Rigby: Yeah, sorry.
Mordecai: We didn't mean to ruin your good time.
Benson: No, no! I don't wanna hear it. Hey, I don't know what was on that tape or why those guys were after it, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. (Turns red) YOU'VE RUINED KARAOKE NIGHT!!!
(Benson and the gang donut-straight outta here, leaving them both Mordecai and Rigby behind)
Mordecai: Yeah, uh– I know, that's why we tried to... apologize... to you. Man, karaoke sucks.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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