Regular Show (season 6)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The following is a list of quotes from the sixth season of Regular Show.
Maxin' and Relaxin [6.01]
- (Mordecai's dad William's home office; he drinks his coffee, his phone rings and answers)
- William: Well, if it isn't my favorite and only son.
- Mordecai: Uh, hey, Dad. I'm thinking about coming by the house with my girlfriend so I can grab one of my old mix tapes.
- William: Girlfriend, eh? I'm sure your mom will love that.
- Mordecai: That's kind of the problem. She gets weird when I bring girls home. It's embarrassing.
- William: Wait. You've brought girls home? How many times? (Mordecai makes a stoic, unamused face) Was it zero times? Anyway, I know Mom can go overboard sometimes, but I'm not sure what you want me to do about that.
- Mordecai: Just... Is there a time I can come by when Mom won't be home?
- William: Well, she does have Puncher-cise tomorrow night, but--
- Mordecai: Look, I know it's messed up, but please don't tell her we're coming.
- William: Uhp, uhp! I can't lie to that woman. Haven't in 25 years. Except if she asks if she could still pass as a college student. Then you lie. Otherwise, no lies!
- Mordecai: Just don't tell her!
- Hilary: Where's my little champion?
- Mordecai: Mom! (Hilary runs up and hugs him) [strained] You're home!
- Hilary: Of course I am. You don't think I'd miss my handsome gent coming home, do you? And when your dad told me you were bringing a new sweetie over, I decided to take the afternoon Punchercise class so I could run right home to see you two.
- (Mordecai glares at his father, who then shrugs)
- William: 25 years, no lies.
- Hilary: See the berries spell out-- [Mordecai starts eating the pie] Hey! Stop! What are you doing?!
- Mordecai: [with mouth full] Sorry. It just looks so good you know? I couldn’t wait. You still got it, Mom!
- Baby Mordecai: [covered in spaghetti] Pasketti everywhere!
- Hilary: Pasketti on your tushy.
- Hilary: You two should stay for a bit longer. We could eat the special dessert I made for C.J., then we could watch the tape!
- Kid Mordecai: Dude, C.J. does think you’re cool. But girls don’t date guys who are jerks to their mom.
- C.J.: This is way cooler than a mix tape.
New Bro on Campus [6.02]
Daddy Issues [6.03]
- CJ: [turning dark grey with anger] HOW DID I MISS THAT SHOT?! [angrily throws the putter which breaks a car’s windshield] It was so easy!
- Mordecai: Whoa, whoa, CJ. No need to get upset.
Terror Tales of the Park IV [6.04-05]
- Mordecai: You're dead, dude.
- Benson: What?!
- Rigby: Yeah, man. Don't you remember?
- [In another flashback, Benson hangs Halloween decorations on a ladder at the top of the stairs. Mordecai, holding up the beast mask, and Rigby walk up]
- Mordecai: Benson, look at this mask!
- Benson: Aah!
- [Benson falls down the stairs and dies. His ghost leaves his body]
- Rigby (voice-over): You've been haunting the house for months.
- [Benson's ghost scares Rigby while he's eating cereal. When Rigby screams, Benson flees as if he's also scared. The same happens with Mordecai while he's carrying a box up the stairs. Cut to Mordecai and Rigby in the hallway, with Rigby trying to open a bottle of soda]
- Rigby: No, dude. It's "lefty locky, righty relaxy".
- Mordecai: That doesn't even rhyme!
- [Benson's ghost appears again. It sees Mordecai and Rigby and moans in fright as he leaves. The flashback ends]
- Benson: Then what are you guys doing here? You've ruined my office!
- Mordecai: We're not in your office. This is our office.
- Rigby: We got promoted!
- Mordecai: And this isn't our office. [screen zooms out from Mordecai's face] It's a cemetery.
- [Lightning strikes as Mordecai points down]
- Mordecai: And that's your grave!
- [Cut to Benson's tombstone, which reads "R.I.P. BENSON. 'YOU'RE FIRED'". Benson falls to his knees next to his tombstone]
- Benson: NOOOOOOOO!
- Eileen: And somehow this just got creepier.
- [Mordecai, Rigby, CJ, and Eileen run toward the window, but Wyatt stops]
- Eileen: Come on, Wyatt! What are you waiting for?!
- Wyatt: [He looks at his reflection in a mirror] He might not be trying to kill us. And I really need a haircut...
- Mordecai: What?! You look fine! Let's just go!
- Wyatt: [He backs up into the hallway] No. He might be cool. I'm gonna chance it! [He runs toward the barber]
- Eileen: Wyatt, no!
- [Wyatt and the barber's shadows are cast on the wall]
- Barber: What'll it be, sir?
- Wyatt: Just a little off the top.
- Barber: You got it! [laughing maniacally]
- [Wyatt's severed head rolls into the morgue]
- Wyatt: How does it look?
- [Mordecai, Rigby, CJ, and Eileen scream]
- Wyatt: Oh, come on. It's not that bad, is it?
- Muscle Mom: You know who else likes scaring people? [takes off the mask] ME! [jumps through the window; the guys scream with horror and run out of the trailer] Wait, Mitchy! You forgot your candy! [with mouthful of candy] Happy Halloween! [howls; unzips the costume, revealing the real her] Ha! This costume gets my boys every year!
The End of Muscle Man [6.06]
- [after Muscle Man proposed to Starla and start kissing]
- Mordecai: Wait, so Muscle Man was fine this whole time?
- Muscle Man: I'm as healthy as can be.
- Rigby: Then what was all the stuff with Dr. Henry?
- Muscle Man: I just had to make sure I was fit enough to keep up with this she-lion. Thanks a ton, you guys, for helping me finish my bucket list.
- Benson: "Thanks?!" I BLEW TWELVE GRAND ON YOU TODAY!!!
- Hi-Five Ghost: Do you even know what you put us through?!
- Mordecai: Yeah, Muscle Man! We all thought you were gonna die!
- Muscle Man: What are you talking about, bro?
- Rigby: You had an appointment with Death!
- Benson: You had to get your papers in order?!
- Muscle Man: My toilet papers. I had to fold 'em into little triangles so my place would look nice for the after-party.
- Death: [enters] And I'm only here to deliver his aunt's ring from the underworld.
- Mordecai: Not cool, Muscle Man.
- Muscle Man: Oh, come on! This is textbook engagement story. You shed your bachelor self before you get married and be a husband. All that death stuff was a metaphor.
- Benson: "I LEAVE THIS WORLD TONIGHT" IS NOT A METAPHOR!!!!
- Muscle Man: Ohhh. Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry about that.
- Rigby: Next time you die, you're on your own! That is completely uncool.
- [everyone leaves disgusted, save for Benson]
- Benson: You owe me $12,000. [leaves]
- Muscle Man: [at Hi-Five Ghost] You get it, don't you, bro?
- Hi-Five Ghost: [beat, smiles] Best proposal ever!
Lift With Your Back [6.07]
Eileen Flat Screen [6.08]
- Announcer: Okay. Let me get a "honk-honk" in here 'cause you goosed (guessed) it!
- [a guy honks his horn and goose flies away]
- Announcer: It's time to announce the winner of the City College Modern Dance Competition. [pigeon flies by to give the man an envelope] Now, I don't want to "pigeon-hold" anyone, but first place today goes to Eileen Roberts with the dance "Chewed Gum"!
- [Eileen screams excitedly and the audience cheers]
- Announcer: To say you blew away the competition wouldn't be Ostrich (a stretch)! [Eileen squeals/screams again] Let's see how well you dance after a year of sitting in front of your very own flat screen T.V.!
- Eileen: [joyous squeal]' This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!
- Mordecai, Rigby, and CJ: Ei-leen flat-screen! Ei-leen flat-screen!
- Announcer: Thanks for coming everyone and for all of you losers today, don't Rooster (Brewster) on your laurels 'cuz there's always next year!
- Joanne: I knew it!
- Eileen: Joanne! I thought you were at the beach!
- Joanne: I was at the beach, until I realized something like this might happen! How could I enjoy the surf and sun knowing you could be here, messing with my TV?
- Eileen: I’m sorry! I didn’t think it-- [Joanne smacks the remote of her hand; gasps]
- Joanne: [to Eileen, threatningly] Next time, that remote will be your face. To clarify, next time I’ll slap your face.
- Joanne: What are you doing?!
- Rigby: [faces her] AAHH! JOANNE!
- Joanne: Did you touch my T.V.?
- Rigby: No
- Joanne: [walks towards Rigby, jabs her finger into his chest] You better not, because the hand that touches my T.V., is a hand you'll never get back. And by that...I mean I'm ripping it off your body, and keeping it.
- Rigby: Look Joanne, I didn't-
- Joanne: What's that?
- Rigby: [covering the outlet] What's what?
- Joanne: [walks forward] Move it, shrimp!
- Rigby: No, wait!
- [Joanne shoves him, then notices the moved plugs]
- Joanne: I KNEW IT! You mess with my T.V., I mess with yours. [jumps onto the flat screen on the wall, takes it down, and runs away with it]
- Rigby: [worried] NO, NOT THE FLAT SCREEN!
The Real Thomas [6.09-10]
- Benson: Guys, it finally happened. I met the perfect girl! Her name is Natalie, and she's a preschool teacher. I'll be showing her around the park today. So your only duties are to leave us alone. Just leave me and Natalie alone, people!
- [Rigby raises his hand]
- Benson: No, you can't use the bathroom, Rigby.
- Rigby: That's not what I was gonna s—
- Mordecai: Y'know, Rigby has a point. What about Audrey?
- Benson: We broke up. Remember?
- [Everyone can't remember this]
- Pops: I don't recall.
- Benson: I was sad for months? I loafed around the house?
- [Everyone can't remember this either]
- Benson: [scoffs] Muscle Man and Pops, you took me to get ice cream! Skips, you made me train for that marathon! In fact, all you guys had a role in my lengthy healing process!
- Skips: I don't remember any of this.
- [Benson goes full red-hot rage]
- Benson: SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS!.... Today is Thomas' last day. Now keep this under wraps, guys, 'cause I want to surprise him. At the end of the day, I'm offering Thomas a full-time job!
- [Everyone cheers except Rigby]
- Benson: What're you guys doing here?! And what room is this? What's all this stuff?
- Rigby: We don't know, but we're pretty sure Thomas has something to do with it. There was a guy in the cupboard, and we're pretty sure he did that too!
- Mordecai: I think we stumbled on something really big.
- Benson: What guy? What are you talking a—?
- [Natalie enters the room, clapping slowly]
- Natalie: [Russian accent] I know you Americans love the ironic slow clap.
- Benson: Natalie? What's with the accent? What is all this?
- Natalie: I am not Natalie! I am... (Takes Her Clothes Off) Natalia! And I am not lowly preschool teacher! I am Russian spy!
- Mordecai & Rigby: Whoa!
- Natalia: So clever, you Americans — only took two years to figure out things at park were not what they seem. And I am not only one right under your ignorant noses. One of your own has been conspiring against you.
- Benson: What?! Who would do that?! Natalie, you're acting crazy!
- Natalia: Oh, sweet Benson. Why don't you let him tell you yourself? Nikolai!!
- [Thomas enters the room. Benson, Mordecai and Rigby gasp]
- Benson: Thomas, why'd you step out when she called for "Nikolai"?
- Thomas: [Russian accent] Because my name is not Thomas. It is Nikolai. And I am Russian spy.
Merry Christmas, Mordecai [6.12]
- Mordecai: (imagining Margaret and CJ meeting each other at the Christmas party): CJ, this is Margaret. My girlfriend. (the ground gives way beneath him) I mean, my ex-girlfriend. (the hole gets deeper) I mean, a girl I kissed a bunch in the past who's my friend. (the hole gets even deeper) Should I stop talking now? (Screams as egg nog pours out of Margaret's and CJ's cups)
- CJ: I never want to speak to you again, Mordecai!
- Margaret: Yeah, way to make things weird!
- Mordecai: (screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
- (Flashback ends)
- Mordecai: (In reality) NO!!
Sad Sax [6.13]
Park Managers' Lunch [6.14]
Mordecai and Rigby Down Under [6.15]
- [Benson in his office writing on a paper, then his phone rings and he answers it]
- Benson: Hello, this is Benson.
- Voice: Will you accept a collect call from... [Mordecai and Rigby are panicking on the phone for help]
- Benson: [sighs] Accept.
- Mordecai: Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, Oh, my gosh! We're in trouble, man. Benson, we're in Australia!
- Benson: Haha, very funny, guys. Listen up, I missed you at work yesterday. If you don't come in Monday, don't bother coming in at all. [hangs up]
- Rigby: What did he say?
- Mordecai: If we don't come in to work on Monday, we're fired.
- Rigby: Aw, man.
- Mordecai: Dude, come on. We need to get to an airport.
Married and Broke [6.16]
I See Turtles [6.17]
- CJ: Where do we turn off next, Eileen?
- Eileen: (while looking in her bag) Hold on, let me check the directions! (finds some trail mix) Trail Mix? Oh no! This is my recreation bag! I left the directions in my school bag by mistake!
- Rigby: (Takes the trail mix from Eileen) Wump-wump! (eats the trail mix)
- Sea Turtle: Let's see if these pigs can fly.
- Hank: Huh?
- Sea Turtle: Do you see what I did there?
Format Wars II [6.18]
Happy Birthday Song Contest [6.19]
Benson's Suit [6.20]
- Benson: [woefully burying his stained suit] Suit, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me feel... [eats chicken wing] alive, full of... power, full of strong...ness! To you, suit—may we meet again in the next life.
- Benson: This is either a miracle or I've gone insane. But who cares? I look good!
- Suit: [spoke] "You sure do, Benson."
- Benson: Thanks. Wha?! Who said that?
- Suit: "It's me, Benson, the suit."
- Benson: You... can talk?
- Suit: "I can do many things."
- Benson: Why didn't you say anything before now?
- Suit: "I wanted to be certain that you were worthy. Incompetence aside, you showed me that you cared about me when you tried to clean that stain. I was created for a dark purpose, Benson. To be a status symbol for evil men—evil, mysterious, powerful, handsome, wealthy men. But after these last few days, I've realised that I would rather be worn by someone with absolutely none of those qualities. I want to live a simple life as the suit of a simple man. You are that man, Benson."
- Benson: Cool.
- Suit: "I'll never leave you, Benson. Also, if you're interested, I have a few ideas for keeping Mordecai and Rigby in line."
- Benson: Let's go manage a park.
1000th Chopper Flight Party [6.22]
[Mordecai looks out and sees CJ on the ground, looking devastated]
- Mordecai: [gasps] Uh, I can't be here, I-I gotta hang with CJ. [takes off his seat belt and stands up] CJ, hi! [the chopper jerks, making Mordecai lose balance and fall on Margaret's lap]
- CJ: (angrily) Oh, come on! Did you think I wouldn't find out, that you could just make a fool of me forever?! [Turns into a full on storm cloud and flies towards the chopper] This is the LAST TIME! [As CJ threatens, the camera crew is recording the whole thing]
Party Horse [6.23]
Men in Uniform [6.24]
Garage Door [6.25]
- Benson: (whistling, sighs) How many times do I have to tell them? Close the garage door when you're finished painting it! (shuts the garage door) What the...? Didn't I just close that? (opens the garage door, then closes it then growls)
- Pops: Coming through!
- Benson: Pops, no!
- (Pops' car crashes into the garage door)
- Pops: Bad... show.
- Benson: MORDECAI & RIGBY!!!
- Rigby: Pops, are you okay?
- Pops: (groans) Optical illusion.
- Fireman: Don't worry, sir! Thanks to the jaws of life, you'll never get trapped in an enclosed space again.
- Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa!
- Rigby: Where'd you get that?
- Fireman: It came with the truck.
- Benson: What were you two thinking?!
- Rigby: It was just a joke!
- Mordecai: Yeah, we were going to paint over it after our break!
- Benson: Well, how's this for a joke? Buy a new garage door by the end of the day or you're fired!
Brilliant Century Duck Crisis Special [6.26-6.27]
Not Great Double Date [6.28]
Death Kwon Do-Livery [6.29]
Lunch Break [6.30]
- Benson: (Laughs calmly then laughs angrily)
- Mordecai and Rigby: (Laughing)
- Benson: This sandwich cost me $85!
- Rigby: But you said we could order any sandwich we wanted!
- Benson: I did. I said that. Now listen to ME as I say this. If you two don't eat this entire the sandwich by the end of the day, YOU'RE FIRED!!