Regular Show (season 5)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Film | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season of Regular Show.

Laundry Woes [5.01]

Mordecai: Dude, Margaret's important to me. I can't just forget her.
Rigby: Okay, okay. You don't have to forget her, but you have to get over her for real. Staying like this is messed up, and is messing you up. I want my friend back.
Mordecai: Well, if you were a real friend, you'd understand.
Rigby: I am your friend. You would realize that, if you weren't such a sad sack chump!
Mordecai: THAT'S IT!
(Mordecai stops the car and Shoves Rigby out of the car and drives away)
Rigby: Ah, man! (Rigby sighs and starts running after him) Wait! Come Back!

Silver Dude [5.02]

Rigby: [moving the refrigerator in a different place] This is gonna take forever.

Benson's Car [5.03]

[after Jack ask V.I.C.K.I. to shut down arm cannon, then he shoots Mordecai and Rigby, then Benson pushing Mordecai and Rigby for saving their lives, and destroyed his car]
Jack: Whoo! Bummer about your car, man! At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?
Benson: POLICE!!!
Jack: Brain check. Got it, Brah. [Police get Jack, then he acrobat backwards into the bushes]
Benson: GRRAHHHHH... YOU!!!!!
Mordecai: Thanks for saving us, Benson!
Rigby: Yeah, thanks, man!
Benson: Damage to the house, damage to my car — my bus fare for the NEXT MONTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT!!!!
[Mordecai and Rigby groan, then Benson leaves in Fury]
Rigby: He didn't say to clean up this mess, but--
Mordecai: [sighs] Yeah, let's get started.
Rigby: Oh Mordecai, check this out.
[they both lift up the sparkling unscathed windshield, with Muscle Man and Fives passing by]
Muscle Man: Told you my guy was good.

Every Meat Burritos [5.04]

Jimbros: Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos!
Jimbo: We are the Jimbros! Jimbo!
Jimmy: Jimmy!
Jim: Jim!
Jimbo: Introducing our new Every Meat Burrito! It's got every meat! Beef!
Jimmy: Bacon!
Jim: Crow!
Jimbo: Gator!
Jimmy: Bison!
Jim: Jackal!
Jimbo: Puffin!
Jimmy: Crustacean!
Jim: Naked Mole Rat...
Jimbo: [While Animal Names And Meat Appear For A Split Second] And every other! [It Shows A Pile Of Meat Rolling Into A Ball, Going Into The Meat Grinder, And After It Comes Out Of The Meat Grinder, It Starts Getting Wrapped In A Tortilla, Turning Into An Every Meat Burrito, Then Cuts To The "Jimbros Burritos" Logo] JIMBROS BURRITOS! JIMBROS BURRITOS!

Benson: No WAY. The last time I let you borrow my car, you totaled it. DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?!?!?! [slams the door]
Rigby: [to Mordecai] You just had to take Margaret to the airport, didn't ya?
Mordecai: Uuuuugh!!! Somebody's gotta have a car.

Wall Buddy [5.05]

Mordecai: Oh, hey, Benson. Hey Skips.
Benson: You want to explain why my phone is LEAKING?!?!
Mordecai: Oh — sorry, Benson!
Rigby: Yeah, we must to give it back, but then a bunch of... different stuff... happened.
Benson: Different stuff?! You mean like the garbage that's all over this room?!
Mordecai & Rigby: Uhh...
Benson: This place is a BIOHAZARD!! I want both of you to clean it up NOW!!!
Mordecai: Both of us?! Rigby's the one who's the slob! Look it his chimichanga! [slush]
Skips: He's not wrong.
Rigby: Well, Mordecai even worse! Look at his junk at the corner! [no junk near Mordecai's bed]
Mordecai: Dude, that's my bed!
Benson: I don't care who's responsible! But you're gonna have to clean this room if you wanna keep living here, for FREE!!!

Mordecai: "Rigby's to-do list"? "Stay cool. Don't ever change. Have a great summer"? [Rigby snatches the paper back]
Rigby:' Okay, fine. [crumbles the paper again] Garbage Hoops then. Who ever misses the trash can first has to clean the room.
Mordecai: I'm not doing this.
Rigby: Come on, Mordecai what's the big deal? It's just a little game. You're afraid of a little game?
Mordecai: This is your mess, Rigby. Just clean it up, And when Benson Doesn't See Us Cleaning It, He's Going To Cut Our Heads Off.
Rigby: But it's our room. What's yours is mine, what's mine is-- [Mordecai grunts and snatches the paper back, flips the trash can over and slides it over to the other side of the room. He then throws the paper in a good aim to the trash can.]
Mordecai: Hm, Hm! Your turn.
Rigby: Okay, sure. [Rigby gets another crumbled paper and then warms up for the throw by also grunting.]
Mordecai: RIGBY!
Rigby: Alright! Alright! [He then closes his eyes, pants a little then throws the paper as good as he could but then he ends up making him miss to get a hit at the center of his bedroom.]
Rigby: [Runs Away] Later!
[By not liking the idea of him almost leaving, Mordecai tackles Rigby by Almost letting him get away that easy.]
Mordecai: DUDE! Garbage hoops was your idea! You lost, and now you have to clean the room! I'm leaving! [Rigby starts to glare while Mordecai leaves slamming the door shut, startling Rigby.]

Benson: This room is still not clean!
Mordecai: But--
Benson: I'm sick of excuses. You have 24 hours to clean this room, or YOU'RE FIRED!!!

[Rigby whines while leaving His Room and coming downstairs, Where Thomas Is Watching A Show On The TV]
Rigby: Thomas?
Thomas: Not gonna clean your room, dude.
Rigby:
[Rigby whines even more while Thomas tries to turn up the volume even more on the TV]
Commercial: Bobby, why so glum?
Bobby: Mom's having another baby and I have to share my room with it.
Commercial: Another baby? Bummer, you should try 'Wall Buddy'! Wall Buddy lets you divide your space! Once! Twice! Even three times a room!
Bobby: Whoa! Wall Buddy's awesome!
Commercial: Buy now and you will receive Wall Buddy's voice activation at no additional charge!
[Bobby's baby brother is seen crying]
Bobby: Wall Buddy, help me out!
[Wall Buddy makes a wall around Bobby's brother]
Commercial: Wall Buddy!
Bobby: Now my mom could have as many babies as she wants! Thanks, Wall Buddy!
[Bobby makes a wink making the end of the commercial]
Rigby: Great. Even that baby has his own room.

Benson: NRRAAAHHHH!!!! MORDECAI AND RIGBY!!!
Rigby: Now before you say anything, we DID do what you said.
Mordecai: Yeah.. we cleaned up Rigby's— I mean.. OUR mess. So you can't fire us.
Rigby: Immunity, son!
Benson: SO WHO CAN I FIRE FOR ALL THE DAMAGE YOU TWO DID TO THE PARK?!?!
[Short pause, then after a few seconds, Mordecai and Rigby point at each other, trying to blame each other for the damage.]

A Skips in Time [5.06]

Survival Skills [5.07]

Terror Tales of the Park III [5.08-5.09]

Rigby: Hm. Hm. So easy.
1 HOUR LATER...
Rigby: Done! [the bed collapses]
4 HOURS LATER...
[Rigby frantically hammers his bed]
8 HOURS LATER...
Rigby: Done! Thanks for your help, Skips.
Skips: Yeah, don't mention it. [leaves]

Benson: Rigby, you're getting ALL the promotions.
Rigby: YES!!
PROMOTION!
Muscle Man: Wait, did he just say Rigby was getting ALL the promotion?
THE END

Tants [5.10]

Bank Shot [5.11]

Don: Rigbone! How's my big bro?
Rigby: Thanks for coming Don.
Don: Man, it's been a while. You look good. Gotta say, I'm a little surprised you called me. What's up?
Rigby: I'm in a lotta trouble, Don. There's these guys--
Don: Oh, hey! Bank shot! (walk up to it) I haven't sen one of these since we were kids. (performs a perfect bank shot) Whoo! Good times. So, uh, what's the problem?
Rigby: I ran my mouth off to the wrong guys and now I'm in trouble. I gotta win a bank shot match. All my money's ridin' on it.
Don: But you're great at this.
Rigby: Not anymore. I lost my touch. You're the only guy I know who's better at this than me. You gotta help me out.
Don: Well, here. (passes the ball to Rigby) Show me what you got.(Rigby shoots the ball, but it hits the hoop, bounces off Rigby's head, and goes through Benson's office window, which was supported with cardboard)
Benson: Oh, not again!
Don: I see, we've got a lot of work to do.
Rigby: Well, let's get started
Don: Wait. Lemme get my workout gear on. (puts on a headband) Alright, let's go!

Rigby: How do you do it man? You never miss!
Don: You're just overthinking it. I've seen you do bank shots I can't believe. You're just as good as me. Maybe even better. You've always trusted your gut ever since we were kids. Why stop now?
Rigby: I did trust my gut on that epic shot and I lost my trucker hat. My gut doesn't know anything. I can't rely on feelings. If I lose that rematch I'll let all my friends down.
Don: You won't lose, Rigby. I believe in you.
Rigby: Really?
Don: I know it right here.
Rigby: Thanks, man. (Goes to try again) Time to show that square-faced sucka who's boss!

Power Tower [5.12]

The Thanksgiving Special [5.13-5.14]

Benson: What happened?
Mordecai: The golden wishbone. We wished to come back home safe annd sound, and it worked!
Rigby: Well, almost. It didn't grant the part where our families would be here.
(They both look down in sadness; Thomas runs out of the house at that moment)
Thomas: Guys, guys! Remember when I said everyone wasn't coming? I was wrong! (Mordecai and Rigby's parents come out of the house) I checked the departing flights instead of the arrivals.
Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops and Skips: Thomas!
Mordecai's Father: Hey, Mordo!
Mordecai's Mother: Hi son.
Rigby's Mother: Is that grown man over there my Rigby?
Rigby's Father: Come here, Rigby!
(Mordecai and Rigby run up to them)
Rigby: Mom! Pop!
Mordecai: It's so good to see you, guys. Except--
Rigby: There's no food because we destroyed it all.
Rigby's Father: (chuckles) Well, that's what families are for. (opens the door and Mordecai and Rigby are surprised; a new Thanksgiving feast has been prepared by all the families)
Mordecai and Rigby: Woah!
Thomas's Mom: (holding a turkey) Who's ready for some turkey?

The Heart of a Stuntman [5.15]

New Year's Kiss [5.16]

Dodge This [5.17]

Portable Toilet [5.18]

The Postcard [5.19]

Benson: Mordecai, Rigby, another issue of Fart Weekly magazine came today, which I distinctly remembered telling you not to get set here! They're flooding the mailbox!
Rigby: Relax, man! It's natural.
Mordecai: Rigby's right. It's not healthy to hold it in.
Benson: Ugh! Just cancel it already!
Muscle Man: Yo, is my tax return in there?
Benson: No. But Fives, this came for you. Now all of you stop eating donuts and get back to work!


Rigby in the Sky with Burrito [5.20]

Jumpin' Jim: Okay, when you're in the air, you wanna stay focus. There's only a limited time frame. (Rigby takes out a burrito) Woah, son, what are you doing?
Rigby: Eating a burrito!
Jumpin' Jim: No! No snacks on my fan! (He and Rigby are struggling for the burrito)
Mordecai: Rigby!
(Rigby and Jumpin' Jim continue to struggle for the burrito until he accidentally drops it into the fan, and it splatters all over Jumpin' Jim, Rigby And Mordecai's faces, then Jumpin' Jim throws Mordecai and Rigby out)
Jumpin' Jim: Stay OUT of my school! AND STAY OUT OF MY SKY!!!! (slams the glass door, causing it to crack slightly)

Journey to the Bottom of the Crash Pit [5.21]

Benson: Alright listen up, we've gotten some complaints about the huge sinkhole in the park.
Mordecai: Sinkhole? You mean the Crash Pit?
Muscle Man: You're talking smack about the Crash Pit, bro?
Benson: Yes. It's a potential liability and we're not properly insured for it. It has to be filled immediately
Mordecai and Muscle Man: Aw, what?
Rigby: Aw, no way!
Muscle Man: Come on Benson, you can't fill up the Crash Pit.
Rigby: Can't we just put up more warning signs or something?
Benson: No! I think called a "Crash Pit" shouldn't be even at the park in the first place.
Rigby: What if we call it a "small hole"?
Benson: JUST FILL IT UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!

Mordecai: Aw, man. Dead end.
Rigby: Well, we tried. Let's go back.
Mordecai: No, Rigby. We can't leave without the camera.
Rigby: Dude, forget this. The camera's gone and we're running out of time. Benson's probably gonna fill up the hole before we even get back! Then we'll be trapped!
Muscle Man: Easy, bro! The dark is messing with your head. Now just calm down.
Rigby: Don't touch me! I can't breathe! Dark spaces! Need air!
Rigby on the camera: DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!
Muscle Man: (laughing) That sound never gets old.
Rigby: That wasn't me.
Rigby on the camera: DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!
Mordecai: Wait. It IS you, but... on the camera.

Saving Time [5.22]

[repeated line]
This is the clock song, we're setting all the clocks wrong

Rigby: This is the clock song, we're setting all the clocks wrong--
Mordecai: Not now, dude.

Guitar of Rock [5.23]

Skips' Story [5.24-5.25]

Return of Mordecai and the Rigbys [5.26]

Bad Portrait [5.27]

Video 101 [5.28]

I Like You Hi [5.29]

Play Date [5.30]

Expert or Liar [5.31]

Catching the Wave [5.32]

Gold Watch [5.33]

Paint Job [5.34]

Rigby: Dude, that was like really close this time!
Mordecai: Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of the tension in -- oh hey, Benson.
Benson: AAAHHHHHH!!! DID YOU PUT PIZZA ALL OVER THIS HOUSE!?!? DON'T DENY IT!! I SAW YOU!! I SAW YOU PUT PIZZA ALL OVER THIS HOUSE!! And you, you're just as guilty! You'll think I didn't see the whole thing! Guess what, you -- WHAT!!? You're cleaning it too, don't worry!! GHAHH!! [angrily punches pouch] YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!!?
[clock wipe]
Benson: [furiously screaming in the garage] THIS IS A PRESSURE WASHER!! YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT!!? YOU BETTER, OTHERWISE I'M GONNA FIRE YOU!!
[2nd clock wipe]
Benson: YOU'RE CLEANING EVERY LAST INCH OF THIS HOUSE OR YOU'RE FIRED, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?!?
Mordecai: [sigh] Alright, let's get this over with.

[after missile explodes Benson's car]
Mordecai: Oh man... your car!
Benson: Car?! What car?! I don't SEE any car! Maybe it's invisible! Kind of like the checks I'LL BE PAYING YOU WITH FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS!!!! [walks to invisibly camouflaged house] AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE!?!?
Mordecai: Yeah. about that....

Take the Cake [5.35]

Benson: All right, time for your assignments. Skips, set up the table. Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost, go buy balloons. Mordecai and Rigby, you're picking up the cake.
Rigby: Really?
Benson: Yup, it's prepaid and everything. All you have to do is pick it up. Just give them the receipt and bring the cake back. That's it.
Rigby: Aww, yeah!
Both: Pickin' up the cake, pickin' up the cake!
Pickin' up the cake, gonna do it great!
Benson: Just pick up the cake and try not to ruin my big day.
Mordecai: I though it was Maellard's day.
Benson: JUST PICK UP THE CAKE!!

Benson: Did I not make myself perfectly clear?! Papa eagle is out there and NO CAKE AND NO GUESTS!! What PART of "surprise party" do you NOT UNDERSTAND?!
Mordecai: It'll be fine! We just had a few setbacks. There was this angry woman...
Rigby: And these shaggy-looking business guys...
Mordecai: But C.J. and Eileen helped us to make this better cake. It's just a little too big to get out the door.
Rigby: But now we got this teleporter, so--
Benson: Are you kidding me?! I've had this whole surprise party planned out, AND NOW THERE'S NO SURPRISE!!!
Rigby: But the teleporter--
Benson: FORGET THE TELEPORTER!!! [Benson snatches the teleporter]
Mordecai: No! We can still save the party!
[The three wrestle over the device teleporter which finally goes off and the teleports the cake and everyone else out of the room]

Skips in the Saddle [5.36]

Thomas Fights Back [5.37]

Bachelor Party! Zingo!! [5.38]

Tent Trouble [5.39]

Real Date [5.40]

[Mordecai walks up to the front desk, and the concierge hands him the phone]
Mordecai: Hello?
Matchmaker McIntyre: Matchmaker McIntyre here, CEO of Couple Corral. This is not a recording.
Mordecai: Uh, hi?
McIntyre: We noticed earlier you deleted your profile. So sad to see ya go. We really appreciate your business, so I'm beggin' ya to rejoin.
Mordecai: [Talking over McIntyre's voice] Hello? Hello?
McIntyre: If you come back to us today, you'll get free romantic coupons. To rejoin, say "yee-haw!" To cancel, say "adios".
Mordecai: Adios! Adios!
[Mordecai hangs up, and the screen pans over to show McIntyre standing behind him]
Mordecai: Aah!
McIntyre: Told ya I wasn't a recording! What do ya mean "adios", pardner?
Mordecai: Uh, I don't need Couple Corral anymore. I'm in a relationship now, so...
McIntyre: Here's what I'm thinkin'. Break up with CJ.
Mordecai: [Angrily] Excuse me?
McIntyre: Break up with her and rejoin my site! '[Wraps an arm around Mordecai] Couple Corral could help you find somebody better.
Mordecai: Dude, I'm happy with CJ.
McIntyre: Will you be though after we dredge through her profile? [Takes out his phone] Okay, let's see what we dig up here.
[McIntyre shows Mordecai photos of CJ with different hairstyles.]
Mordecai: Isn't keeping her information, like, really illegal?
McIntyre: You'd think. [He stops on a photo of goth CJ] Whoa! How do you expect her to be committed to you when this girl can't even commit to a hairstyle?
Mordecai: [Shoves McIntyre away] So? I like CJ. Now leave me alone.
[Mordecai walks away, and McIntyre glares at him menacingly.]

[They run up to the edge of the pier, and McIntyre's submarine rises out of the water. The hatch opens and McIntyre comes out.]
McIntyre: Last chance, Mordecai! Break up with her!
Mordecai: Dude, what's your deal?! Aren't we the point of your site? Shouldn't you want us to stay together?
McIntyre: [He sighs and shakes his head] Whoever here knows how to run a website, raise their hand. [He raises his hand] Happy couples don't use Couple Corral; lonely people do! Lonely people lead to subscribers. Subscribers lead to more clicks. More clicks somehow lead to millions of dollars. Millions of dollars lead to sweet corporate-branded stuff. See?! [He gestures to his blimp and begins to sob] My site's too good! There's nobody left! Happy couples have been leavin' in droves! I'm bankrupt!
CJ: Dude, just sell your stuff!
McIntyre: No! My crooked lawyer told me this is the only way! Break up with her!
Mordecai: No way! We're really into each other!
McIntyre: If you won't break up with her... [Takes out a bazooka] ...I'll do it for ya. Let me introduce you to the Couple Corral "Breakup-ulator".
[Mordecai and CJ scream in terror as McIntyre takes aim at CJ. He fires a missile with "It's not you, it's me." written on its side.]
Mordecai: Look out!
[Mordecai pushes CJ out of the way of the missile, and it explodes into the pier. CJ falls back, and Mordecai's body rolls onto the beach. He lies lifeless with CJ's gift in his hand with bruises and scrapes on him along with his hair and suit cut up a little and messed up.]
CJ: Mordecai!
[She glares angrily at McIntyre]
McIntyre: Well, darn. That didn't work out like I wanted it to. CJ! Rejoin my site?
[CJ's eyes turn red, and she begins breathing heavily]
McIntyre: Uh-oh.
CJ: NO!!!
[CJ turns into a giant gray storm cloud, leaving her clothes behind. The water around McIntyre becomes turbulent.]
CJ: LEAVE... US... ALONE!!!
[Lightning strikes the pier under McIntyre's car, and it falls onto a gas tank and explodes. The car's bull horn-shaped hood ornament flies up into McIntyre's blimp, rupturing it. The blimp plummets down toward McIntyre's submarine.]
McIntyre: Hubris!
[An explosion destroys the blimp and submarine and kills McIntyre. Transition to CJ, back to normal, crying over Mordecai's body with his head on her lap.]
CJ: [Sobbing] Mordecai... Mordecai... Mordecai... No!!!
[As CJ holds Mordecai, her tears splash onto his face and CJ hugged his head. Then Mordecai began to cough and groan]
CJ: [Gasp] Mordecai?! [they hugged each other] I thought you were dead!
Mordecai: [He sits upright] I would be... if not for this gift box. I hope you like it.
Mordecai opens the box. The charm bracelet now only has a single charm on it shaped like a heart.]
CJ gasps slowly]
Mordecai: There's a different charm for- [Looks at the new bracelet] Whoa! Well, there used to be different charms. I guess they must've all gotten welded into a heart by the bazooka blast.
[CJ puts the bracelet on her left wrist]
CJ: I love it.
Mordecai: I thought that you would.
CJ: I guess the thing I had for you must've exploded.
Mordecai: That's okay. I got my wish.
CJ: What, that you can run faster than me?
Mordecai: No, for a cute girlfriend that likes-
[CJ cuts him off with a kiss as the sun rises in the background. Cut to Rigby and Eileen. Eileen is holding the waffle cake and gives it to Rigby, who's holding a fork.]
Rigby: [Gasp] Is this waffles and a cake and chocolate?
Eileen: Yeah.
[Rigby takes a bite of the cake]
Rigby: I love it.
Eileen: I thought that you would.

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