Regular Show (season 6)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Film | Main

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The following is a list of quotes from the sixth season of Regular Show.

Maxin' and Relaxin [6.01]

(Mordecai's dad William's home office; he drinks his coffee, his phone rings and answers)

William: Well, if it isn't my favorite and only son.

Mordecai: Uh, hey, Dad. I'm thinking about coming by the house with my girlfriend so I can grab one of my old mix tapes.

William: Girlfriend, eh? I'm sure your mom will love that.

Mordecai: That's kind of the problem. She gets weird when I bring girls home. It's embarrassing.

William: Wait. You've brought girls home? How many times? (Mordecai makes a stoic, unamused face) Was it zero times? Anyway, I know Mom can go overboard sometimes, but I'm not sure what you want me to do about that.

Mordecai: Just... Is there a time I can come by when Mom won't be home?

William: Well, she does have Puncher-cise tomorrow night, but--

Mordecai: Look, I know it's messed up, but please don't tell her we're coming.

William: Uhp, uhp! I can't lie to that woman. Haven't in 25 years. Except if she asks if she could still pass as a college student. Then you lie. Otherwise, no lies!

Mordecai: Just don't tell her!

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Hilary: Where's my little champion?

Mordecai: Mom! (Mordecai's mom runs up and hugs him) [strained] You're home!

Hilary: Of course I am. You don't think I'd miss my handsome gent coming home, do you? And when your dad told me you were bringing a new sweetie over, I decided to take the afternoon Punchercise class so I could run right home to see you two.

(Mordecai glares at William, who then shrugs)

William: 25 years, no lies.

Terror Tales of the Park IV [6.04-05]

Mordecai: You're dead, dude.

Benson: What?!

Rigby: Yeah, man. Don't you remember?

[In another flashback, Benson hangs Halloween decorations on a ladder at the top of the stairs. Mordecai, holding up the beast mask, and Rigby walk up]

Mordecai: Benson, look at this mask!

Benson: Aah!

[Benson falls down the stairs and dies. His ghost leaves his body]

Rigby (voice-over): You've been haunting the house for months.

[Benson's ghost scares Rigby while he's eating cereal. When Rigby screams, Benson flees as if he's also scared. The same happens with Mordecai while he's carrying a box up the stairs. Cut to Mordecai and Rigby in the hallway, with Rigby trying to open a bottle of soda]

Rigby: No, dude. It's "lefty locky, righty relaxy".

Mordecai: That doesn't even rhyme!

[Benson's ghost appears again. It sees Mordecai and Rigby and moans in fright as he leaves. The flashback ends]

Benson: Then what are you guys doing here? You've ruined my office!

Mordecai: We're not in your office. This is our office.

Rigby: We got promoted!

Mordecai: And this isn't our office. [screen zooms out from Mordecai's face] It's a cemetery.

[Lightning strikes as Mordecai points down]

Mordecai: And that's your grave!

[Cut to Benson's tombstone, which reads "R.I.P. BENSON. 'YOU'RE FIRED'". Benson falls to his knees next to his tombstone]

Benson: NOOOOOOOO!

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Eileen: And somehow this just got creepier.

[Mordecai, Rigby, CJ, and Eileen run toward the window, but Wyatt stops]

Eileen: Come on, Wyatt! What are you waiting for?!

Wyatt: [He looks at his reflection in a mirror] He might not be trying to kill us. And I really need a haircut...

Mordecai: What?! You look fine! Let's just go!

Wyatt: [He backs up into the hallway] No. He might be cool. I'm gonna chance it! [He runs toward the barber]

Eileen: Wyatt, no!

[Wyatt and the barber's shadows are cast on the wall]

Barber: What'll it be, sir?

Wyatt: Just a little off the top.

Barber: You got it! [laughing maniacally]

[Wyatt's severed head rolls into the morgue]

Wyatt: How does it look?

[Mordecai, Rigby, CJ, and Eileen scream]

Wyatt: Oh, come on. It's not that bad, is it?

The End of Muscle Man [6.06]

[after Muscle Man proposed to Starla and start kissing]

Mordecai: Wait, so Muscle Man was fine this whole time?

Muscle Man: I'm as healthy as can be.

Rigby: Then what was all the stuff with Dr. Henry?

Muscle Man: I just had to make sure I was fit enough to keep up with this she-lion. Thanks a ton, you guys, for helping me finish my bucket list.

Benson: "Thanks?!" I BLEW TWELVE GRAND ON YOU TODAY!!!

Hi-Five Ghost: Do you even know what you put us through?!

Mordecai: Yeah, Muscle Man! We all thought you were gonna die!

Muscle Man: What are you talking about, bro?

Rigby: You had an appointment with Death!

Benson: You had to get your papers in order?!

Muscle Man: My toilet papers. I had to fold 'em into little triangles so my place would look nice for the after-party.

Death: [enters] And I'm only here to deliver his aunt's ring from the underworld.

Mordecai: Not cool, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: Oh, come on! This is textbook engagement story. You shed your bachelor self before you get married and be a husband. All that death stuff was a metaphor.

Benson: "I LEAVE THIS WORLD TONIGHT" IS NOT A METAPHOR!!!!

Muscle Man: Ohhh. Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry about that.

Rigby: Next time you die, you're on your own! That is completely uncool.

[everyone leaves disgusted, save for Benson]

Benson: You owe me $12,000. [leaves]

Muscle Man: [at Hi-Five Ghost] You get it, don't you, bro?

Hi-Five Ghost: [beat, smiles] Best proposal ever!

Eileen Flat Screen [6.08]

Announcer: Okay. Let me get a "honk-honk" in here 'cause you goosed (guessed) it!

[a guy honks his horn and goose flies away]

Announcer: It's time to announce the winner of the City College Modern Dance Competition. [pigeon flies by to give the man an envelope] Now, I don't want to "pigeon-hold" anyone, but first place today goes to Eileen Roberts with the dance "Chewed Gum"!

[Eileen screams excitedly and the audience cheers]

Announcer: To say you blew away the competition wouldn't be Ostrich (a stretch)! [Eileen squeals/screams again] Let's see how well you dance after a year of sitting in front of your very own flat screen T.V.!

Eileen: [joyous squeal]' This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!

Mordecai, Rigby, and CJ: Ei-leen flat-screen! Ei-leen flat-screen!

Announcer: Thanks for coming everyone and for all of you losers today, don't Rooster (Brewster) on your laurels 'cuz there's always next year!

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Joanne: What are you doing?!

Rigby: [faces her] AAHH! JOANNE!

Joanne: Did you touch my T.V.?

Rigby: No

Joanne: [walks towards him, jabs finger into chest] You better not, because the hand that touches my T.V., is a hand you'll never get back. And by that...I mean I'm ripping it off your body, and keeping it.

Rigby: Look Joanne, I didn't-

Joanne: What's that?

Rigby: [covering the outlet] What's what?

Joanne: [walks forward] Move it, shrimp!

Rigby: No, wait!

[Joanne shoves him, then notices the moved plugs]

Joanne: I KNEW IT! You mess with my T.V., I mess with yours. [jumps onto the flat screen on the wall, takes it down, and runs away with it]

Rigby: [worried] NO, NOT THE FLAT SCREEN!

The Real Thomas [6.09-10]

Benson: Guys, it finally happened. I met the perfect girl! Her name is Natalie, and she's a preschool teacher. I'll be showing her around the park today. So your only duties are to leave us alone. Just leave me and Natalie alone, people!

[Rigby raises his hand]

Benson: No, you can't use the bathroom, Rigby.

Rigby: That's not what I was gonna s—

Mordecai: Y'know, Rigby has a point. What about Audrey?

Benson: We broke up. Remember?

[Everyone can't remember this]

Pops: I don't recall.

Benson: I was sad for months? I loafed around the house?

[Everyone can't remember this either]

Benson: [scoffs] Muscle Man and Pops, you took me to get ice cream! Skips, you made me train for that marathon! In fact, all you guys had a role in my lengthy healing process!

Skips: I don't remember any of this.

[Benson goes full red-hot rage]

Benson: SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS!.... Today is Thomas' last day. Now keep this under wraps, guys, 'cause I want to surprise him. At the end of the day, I'm offering Thomas a full-time job!

[Everyone cheers except Rigby]

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Benson: What're you guys doing here?! And what room is this? What's all this stuff?

Rigby: We don't know, but we're pretty sure Thomas has something to do with it. There was a guy in the cupboard, and we're pretty sure he did that too!

Mordecai: I think we stumbled on something really big.

Benson: What guy? What are you talking a—?

[Natalie enters the room, clapping slowly]

Natalie: [Russian accent] I know you Americans love the ironic slow clap.

Benson: Natalie? What's with the accent? What is all this?

Natalie: I am not Natalie! I am... (Takes Her Clothes Off) Natalia! And I am not lowly preschool teacher! I am Russian spy!

Mordecai & Rigby: Whoa!

Natalia: So clever, you Americans — only took two years to figure out things at park were not what they seem. And I am not only one right under your ignorant noses. One of your own has been conspiring against you.

Benson: What?! Who would do that?! Natalie, you're acting crazy!

Natalia: Oh, sweet Benson. Why don't you let him tell you yourself? Nikolai!!

[Thomas enters the room. Benson, Mordecai and Rigby gasp]

Benson: Thomas, why'd you step out when she called for "Nikolai"?

Thomas: [Russian accent] Because my name is not Thomas. It is Nikolai. And I am Russian spy.

The White Elephant Gift Exchange [6.11]

Mordecai: (imagining Margaret and CJ meeting each other at the Christmas party): CJ, this is Margaret. My girlfriend. (the ground gives way beneath him) I mean, my ex-girlfriend. (the hole gets deeper) I mean, a girl I kissed a bunch in the past who's my friend. (the hole gets even deeper) Should I stop talking now? (Screams as egg nog pours out of Margaret's and CJ's cups)

CJ: I never want to speak to you again, Mordecai!

Margaret: Yeah, way to make things weird!

Mordecai: (screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

(Flashback ends)

Mordecai: (In reality) NO!!

Mordecai and Rigby Down Under [6.15]

[Benson in his office writing on a paper, then his phone rings and he answers it]

Benson: Hello, this is Benson.

Voice: Will you accept a collect call from... [Mordecai and Rigby are panicking on the phone for help]

Benson: [sighs] Accept.

Mordecai: Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, Oh, my gosh! We're in trouble, man. Benson, we're in Australia!

Benson: Haha, very funny, guys. Listen up, I missed you at work yesterday. If you don't come in Monday, don't bother coming in at all. [hangs up]

Rigby: What did he say?

Mordecai: If we don't come in to work on Monday, we're fired.

Rigby: Aw, man.

Mordecai: Dude, come on. We need to get to an airport.

I See Turtles [6.17]

CJ: Where do we turn off next, Eileen?

Eileen: (while looking in her bag) Hold on, let me check the directions! (finds some trail mix) Trail Mix? Oh no! This is my recreation bag! I left the directions in my school bag by mistake!

Rigby: (Takes the trail mix from Eileen) Wump-wump! (eats the trail mix)

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Sea Turtle: Let's see if these pigs can fly.

Hank: Huh?

Sea Turtle: Do you see what I did there?

Benson's Suit [6.20]

Benson: [woefully burying his stained suit] Suit, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me feel... [eats chicken wing] alive, full of... power, full of strong...ness! To you, suit—may we meet again in the next life.

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Benson: This is either a miracle or I've gone insane. But who cares? I look good!

Suit: [spoke] "You sure do, Benson."

Benson: Thanks. Wha?! Who said that?

Suit: "It's me, Benson, the suit."

Benson: You... can talk?

Suit: "I can do many things."

Benson: Why didn't you say anything before now?

Suit: "I wanted to be certain that you were worthy. Incompetence aside, you showed me that you cared about me when you tried to clean that stain. I was created for a dark purpose, Benson. To be a status symbol for evil men—evil, mysterious, powerful, handsome, wealthy men. But after these last few days, I've realised that I would rather be worn by someone with absolutely none of those qualities. I want to live a simple life as the suit of a simple man. You are that man, Benson."

Benson: Cool.

Suit: "I'll never leave you, Benson. Also, if you're interested, I have a few ideas for keeping Mordecai and Rigby in line."

Benson: Let's go manage a park.

1000th Chopper Flight Party [6.22]

[Mordecai looks out and sees CJ on the ground, looking devastated]

Mordecai: [gasps] Uh, I can't be here, I-I gotta hang with CJ. [takes off his seat belt and stands up] CJ, hi! [the chopper jerks, making Mordecai lose balance and fall on Margaret's lap]

CJ: (angrily) Oh, come on! Did you think I wouldn't find out, that you could just make a fool of me forever?! [Turns into a full on storm cloud and flies towards the chopper] This is the LAST TIME! [As CJ threatens, the camera crew is recording the whole thing]

Garage Door [6.25]

Benson: (whistling, sighs) How many times do I have to tell them? Close the garage door when you're finished painting it! (shuts the garage door) What the...? Didn't I just close that? (opens the garage door, then closes it then growls)

Pops: Coming through!

Benson: Pops, no!

(Pops' car crashes into the garage door)

Pops: Bad... show.

Benson: MORDECAI & RIGBY!!!

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Rigby: Pops, are you okay?

Pops: (groans) Optical illusion.

Fireman: Don't worry, sir! Thanks to the jaws of life, you'll never get trapped in an enclosed space again.

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa!

Rigby: Where'd you get that?

Fireman: It came with the truck.

Benson: What were you two thinking?!

Rigby: It was just a joke!

Mordecai: Yeah, we were going to paint over it after our break!

Benson: Well, how's this for a joke? Buy a new garage door by the end of the day or you're fired!

Lunch Break [6.30]

Benson: (Laughs calmly then laughs angrily)

Mordecai and Rigby: (Laughing)

Benson: This sandwich cost me $85!

Rigby: But you said we could order any sandwich we wanted!

Benson: I did. I said that. Now listen to ME as I say this. If you two don't eat this entire the sandwich by the end of the day, YOU'RE FIRED!!