Saturday Night Live/Season 25
Saturday Night Live: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49
Norm Macdonald/Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, & Eminem [25.3]
[edit]- Norm Macdonald: You know, when the people here asked me to do the show, I’ve got to say, I felt kind of weird. I don’t know if you remember this, but I used to actually be on this show. I used to do the "Weekend Update" news routine, you remember that? That’s where I did the make-believe news jokes, you know? That was me, right? So then, a year and a half ago, right, I had sort of a disagreement with the management at NBC. I wanted to keep my job. Right? And they felt the exact opposite. So you see, they fired me because they said that I wasn’t funny. Now, with most jobs, I could have had a hell of a lawsuit on my hands for that, but see, this is a comedy show. So, they got me. But, now, this is the weird part, it’s only a year and a half later, and now, they ask me to host the show. So I wondered, I go, "hey, wait a sec. Heeeyyyyy! How did I go in a year and a half from being not funny enough to be even allowed in the building, to being so funny that I’m now hosting the show? How did I suddenly get so goddamn funny?!"
- It was inexplicable to me, because a year and a half, let’s face it, is not enough time for a dude to learn how to be funny. Then it occurred to me: I haven’t gotten funnier, the show has gotten really bad! So, yeah, I’m funny compared to, you know, what you’ll see later. Okay, so let’s recap. The bad news is: I’m still not funny. The good news is: the show blows!
- Alright, folks, we've got a bad show for you tonight!
- Burt Reynolds (Norm Macdonald): Hey, uh, I speak a little French. You're an ass bite. Pardon my French.
- French Stewart (Jimmy Fallon): My name's French!
- Burt Reynolds: Yeah, who gives a damn?
- Burt Reynolds: Hey. Hey, uh, check out the podium. Look at this.
- Alex Trebek: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to 'Turd Ferguson'.
- Burt Reynolds: Yeah, that's right. Turd Ferguson's a funny name.
Christopher Walken/Christina Aguilera [25.16]
[edit]- Bruce Dickinson: I gotta have more cowbell!
- Bruce Dickinson: Gentlemen, I put my pants on like you: one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on I make gold records.
- Bruce Dickinson: Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!
Tobey Maguire/Sisqó [25.17]
[edit]- Keanu Reeves (Tobey Maguire): I know kung fu!
- Alex Trebek: For the last time, no you don't.
- Alex Trebek: Let's just go with Foreign Flicks for $800.
- Sean Connery: [buzzing in] Ursula Andress.
- Alex Trebek: What?
- Sean Connery: Ursula Andress, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo, twice.
- Alex Trebek: That's Foreign Flicks, Mr. Connery.