Saturday Night Live/Season 3
Saturday Night Live: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Steve Martin/Jackson Browne [3.01]
[edit]- Yortuk Festrunk: [Czech accent] We are... two wild and crazy guys!
- Dan Aykroyd: During the Lance Hearings, Sen. Charles Percy has been inaccurately accused of tax fraud and embezzlement. Percy later apologized, saying that anyone can make a mistake. Well this story has JUST come in: In 1946, while in the navy, Percy has sex with a polar bear.
- Jane Curtin: Uh, wait a minute, Dan. We just had a report that that story is inaccurate. But we do have this, uh, from one of our sources: In 1972, Percy personally ordered the assassination of baseball player Roberto Clemente.
- Dan Aykroyd: Uh, this bulletin is JUST coming in, Jane: That last story is, in fact, inaccurate, but we DO have information that in 1957, Percy ordered the assassination of a polar bear while having SEX with Roberto Clemente. More on that story, uh, when we get some of the facts. [looks offscreen] Will someone check that out?
Madeline Kahn/Taj Mahal [3.02]
[edit]Hugh Hefner/Liddy Titus [3.03]
[edit]Charles Grodin/Paul Simon [3.04]
[edit]Ray Charles [3.05]
[edit]- [Beginning of Weekend Update]
- Don Pardo: [voiceover] And now, Weekend Update with Chevy Chase!
- Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd: [shocked] What?!
- Don Pardo: [voiceover] [apologetic] Sorry, old script.
Buck Henry/Leon Redbone [3.06]
[edit]- John Belushi: [as he holds a lit cigarette] I logged a lot of miles training for that day and I downed a lot of donuts, Little Chocolate Donuts, they taste good, and they've got the sugar I need to get me going in the morning. That's why Little Chocolate Donuts have been on my training table since I was a kid.
Mary Kay Place/Willie Nelson [3.07]
[edit]Miskel Spillman/Elvis Costello [3.08]
[edit]Steve Martin/Randy Newman, The Dirt Band [3.09]
[edit]Robert Klein/Bonnie Raitt [3.10]
[edit]Chevy Chase/Billy Joel [3.11]
[edit]- [fake NBC title card of "The Little House on The Praire Burns To The Ground"]
- Don Pardo: [voiceover] The Little House on The Praire Burns To The Ground will not be seen tonight, so that NBC will air the following special program.
- [On Weekend Update, while Emily Litella is telling Chevy Chase that she missed him, Jane Curtin is not happy]
- Jane Curtin: [angrily] Emily?! What are you doing here?! SCRAM!
- Emily Litella: Oh, go to hell, Miss Clayton.
O.J. Simpson/Ashford & Simpson [3.12]
[edit]Art Garfunkel/Stephen Bishop [3.13]
[edit]Jill Clayburgh/Eddie Money [3.14]
[edit]Christopher Lee/Meat Loaf [3.15]
[edit]Michael Palin/Eugene Record [3.16]
[edit]- Todd: Mr. Brighton? Did I sent you the letter?
- Mr. Brighton: I don't know.
- Todd: Because I forgot to stamp it!
- [Todd crushed Mr. Brighton's toes with his foot]
- Lisa Loopner: Your fly's open, Mr. Brighton.
- Mr. Brighton: [fuming] YES, I KNOW!
- [Mr. Brighton left the Loopner household abruptly]
Michael Sarazzin/Gravity [3.17]
[edit]Steve Martin/The Blues Brothers [3.18]
[edit]- Dan Aykroyd: This just in, Garrett Morris is dead. A group of 8 youths has fatally shot the late Update correspondant at the kids' playground. Another paraquat-related death.
- Jane Curtin: Hoping your news is good news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.