CSI: NY (season 2)

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CSI: NY (September 2004February 2013) is an American police procedural television series set in New York City. It is a spinoff of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and CSI: Miami.

Summer in the City [2.1][edit]

Sheldon Hawkes: [regarding the victim's brain] It's about 98 degrees out here, the pavement is very hot, any remaining pieces are more than likely fried.
Stella Bonasera: I knew this would be a no-brainer for you.
Hawkes: She didn't just say that.
Don Flack; Mac: She did.

Danny Messer: Do you know anyone who would want to kill Mr. Price for a diamond?
Model: I don't know anyone who wouldn't.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You just told him his partner was murdered, and he didn't even ask what happened.
Detective Mac Taylor: Overwhelmed by the news, I guess. Or, maybe he already knows the answer.

Mac Taylor: [about mosquitoes] Only the female of the species bite.
Stella: Good for her!
Mac: Did you know that Hawkes is a walking encyclopedia of tidbit information?
Stella: That's good. You can go to him instead of Google.

Aiden: [Stella is examining a diamond] Wow. I've been processing dirt all day and you've been shopping at Tiffany's.

Danny Messer: It's hot a little bit, eh?
Stella: What the hell are you wearing that jacket for?
Danny: Ah, my mother still dresses me.

Stella: We all have that one case that haunts us.

Grand Murder at Central Station [2.2][edit]

Don Flack: We got some whackadoo running around throwing acid in people's faces?
Mac Taylor: Not acid...lye.
Flack: All right. Well, I'll start with the nuts in this city and work my way up.

Mac Taylor: Phenolphthalein also reacts with hydroxide.
Sheldon Hawkes: Good thing that wasn't on the exam.

Det. Mac Taylor: [about a little girl's teddy bear] So did Franklin tell you anything or did he lawyer up?

Danny: [Sees Scagnetti walk in with a pink bag] Oh, Detective Prada. That's a nice bag, matches your shoes perfectly.
Scagnetti: [sarcastically] You're a funny guy, Messer.

Mac: You on break?
Sheldon Hawkes: I'm just taking five minutes to eat. That's okay, isn't it?
Mac: Eating is frowned upon, Hawkes. [Hawkes moves to put everything away] Hey, I'm kidding. Relax.

Danny Messer: [looking at three trees lined up and noticing one is bent over] Which one of those trees needs Viagra?

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Did you know rumor has it that Jennifer Lopez's ass is insured for one billion dollars?
Det. Mac Taylor: Excuse me?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Five hundred million per cheek. They're her trade instruments, like a soccer player's legs or a supermodel's face...
Det. Mac Taylor: Or a surgeon's hands.

Detective Stella Bonasera: I didn't know Evelyn personally, but I give her credit for one thing. For not being able to see, she was able to see right through you.

Mac Taylor: We checked your record here, it's clean, but your partner's record has more flags than the UN building.

Mac: It never ceases to amaze me how men of higher education can commit such...stupid crimes.

[Mac has shown Aiden an unsealed evidence packet]

Det. Mac Taylor: There are three things that I'll protect at any cost: the honor of this country, the safety of this city, and the integrity of this lab. As scientists, we have a great deal of power, the ability to assign guilt or innocence. But when we analyze a crime scene, we collect pieces of evidence, we make a promise to the people of this city. A promise to handle that evidence with respect, integrity, and good faith. When you broke the seal, you broke that promise.
Detective Aiden Burn: I didn't do it. I didn't plant the evidence. I wanted to. Man, I wanted to, but I couldn't go through with it. I knew I couldn't live with that.
Det. Mac Taylor: Is it that you couldn't live with it, or you couldn't compromise the integrity of this office?
Detective Aiden Burn: You know how much this place means to me, Mac. But that son of a bitch raped Regina twice, and he's gonna get away with it twice?
Det. Mac Taylor: And if the credibility of our findings is suspect, how many more do you think will walk? Ten? Twenty? A hundred? Truth is, Aiden, I can't have someone like that working in this lab. You're fired.
Detective Aiden Burn: [handing over her badge] Truth is I can't do this anymore, Mac. I mean, I got to be honest with you. If somethin' like this ever happened again, I don't think I'd trust myself. And I'm sorry I let you down. Just do me a favor, huh? Catch this guy for Regina.
Det. Mac Taylor: I will. This folder... will be right here on my desk till we get him.

Zoo York [2.3][edit]

Flack: Achoo! (glares at his hand in disgust)
Mac: [to Flack] Hey (as he looks up) you're sneezing on my crime scene.
Flack: Sorry Mac, allergies. (Glares at the tiger) Cats, hate them.

Mac: [talking to Lindsay in the tiger's cage] I need you to hold the tiger's jaw so I can get the dental impression.
Danny: [whispering] Just take a deep breath. Don't let him know that you're afraid, 'cause he can sense when you're nervous.
Lindsay: (whispering) The tiger's been tranquilized. I think I can handle it.
Danny: I'm talking about Mac. And make sure you call him "sir." (Lindsay looks at Mac nervously)

Det. Lindsay Monroe: You know, petting a cat has been scientifically proven to lower your blood pressure.
Detective Mac Taylor: Maybe the vic heard the same thing.

Mac: [after Lindsay calls him 'Sir' various times] And don't call me "sir".

Stella: It's all about pain, Hawkes. How much you're willing to endure to look good.

Stella: Do you have a cause of death?
Marty: Nope, but I can tell you it wasn't alcohol poisoning, your debutante's BAC was zero.
Hawkes: Debutante?
Evan: I didn't find any lines on her fingers to indicate she was wearing engagement or wedding rings, plus age, the dress, time of year, equals debutante season.
Stella: Don't tell me. You were an escort?
Evan: I attended a debutante ball. [pause] I was waiting tables.

Det. Lindsay Monroe: [after repeatedly stabbing the pig for tests] Well, I'm done eating bacon for life.

Danny Messer: [at they enter the walk-in freezer] That's a lot of hamburger.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Back home, people keep this much meat in their basements.

Det. Lindsay Monroe: [seeing the Venetti's] What do they want?
Detective Mac Taylor: To let us know the clock is ticking.

Mac: Excuse me, are you Ryan Knight?
Ryan Knight: No, I'm -- [swings duffle bag at Mac's head, then runs, only to be knocked down by Lindsay and cuffed by Mac]
Mac: What do they feed you up there in Montana?

Dr. Evan Zao: [walking into the lab] Whoa. What is that smell?
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Tiger dung. The zoo just made a fresh delivery. [looks around] Everyone else just happens to be conveniently busy.
Dr. Evan Zao: You know what they say: It's a dirty job but...
Det. Lindsay Monroe: The rookie's gotta do it.

Corporate Warriors [2.4][edit]

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [about their victim] His name is Jared Stanton. He lives at 73rd Street and Park Avenue.
Detective Mac Taylor: You can just say "73rd and Park." New Yorkers know what you mean.

Mac Taylor: Don't quote me on this, Lindsay, but sometimes -- [lifts the head of the vic off the body] -- not everything's connected.

Danny: So, we're looking for a combination of Spiderman and Minnesota Fats.

Stella: I think the Italians got it right. Live to eat, not eat to live.
Danny: That's what I'm talking about.

Flack: How do you leave a kid alone?
Hawkes: Mom had to work.
Flack: Kids don't even need to look for trouble to find it.

Dancing With the Fishes [2.5][edit]

Flack: Goodbye, suicide.
Stella: Hello, murder.

Danny Messer: This guy's foul. Smells worse than dead.
Hawkes: Fish.

Flack: [to Shayna] I've heard your sob-story. Now, I want to hear what the knife in your locker has to say.
Shayna: I've got rights. You can't just go through my locker.
Don Flack: Not yet. But in 20 minutes, when the warrant gets here, your world opens up.

Sheldon Hawkes: Death by swordfish. Man, I love being in the field.

Flack: Ticket was a winner.
Stella: Yeah, and her lucky numbers add up to 17 million dollars.
Mac: And 17 million motives.

Richard Daly: Wait, hold on a second. So then one of my swordfish, I paid full price for them, now they're worthless, tainted.
Danny: I'm sure Fred's sorry for the inconvenience his murder has caused your restaurant.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You know I've never been fishing, never even thought about trying it. Seems kind of boring.
Detective Danny Messer: Until you hook something. I went fishing with my old man once on a pier near Battery Park. I caught the sweetest striped bass, must have weighed close to thirty pounds.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Did you eat it?
Detective Danny Messer: Threw it back! Would you eat anything that came out of the Hudson?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Good point.

Mac: I don't believe that for a second.
Vincent: Of course not, you're a cop.
Stella Bonasera: No. It's because people lie.

[Lindsay walks into Mac's office with a bottle of hydrogen sulfide on a tray]
Mac Taylor: Hydrogen sulfide?
Lindsay Monroe: I borrowed that from the trace lab. Stuff stinks. That rotten egg smell. It's absolutely awful.
Mac: Yes, I'm aware of that. Why is it in my office?
Lindsay: For the sake of science

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [to Vivian Claven] You know, bruises age in a very specific pattern. First they're red, the color of the blood under the skin. After a day or two, they turn a bluish-purple, that fades to green, and then as they heal they turn a yellowish-brown. Yours is just black. Too black. Wipe it off.

Youngblood (2.6)[edit]

Mac: Ah, the belt's undone.
Stella: Our woman in heels either knew him or was about to.

Don Flack: Guy has dinner, comes home, gets in his elevator, figures he's done for the day.
Mac Taylor: Instead he's done for good.

Sid Hammerback: Samples of both have gone to the lab, same with his personal effects.
Sheldon Hawkes: Watch?
Sid Hammerback: No, I kept that. [Hawkes looks at him] What? It was a nice watch.

[about id'ing their vic]
Hawkes: I'd say a homeless guy probably living where we found him, in the park.
Stella: Park Avenue, maybe. I've got a really nice pair of pants, a tailor-made shirt, fancy watch, traces of paint and lipstick on the shirt, I'd say he's a very wealthy guy.
Hawkes: Well, he must have found the clothes. The shoes never lie.
Stella: Yeah well, this little watch here is worth four or five grand, quite a find for a homeless guy.
Hawkes: Yeah.
Stella: Let me check missing persons. Someone notices when a guy with money doesn't come home.
Hawkes: By definition, homeless people are missing people.

[Wondering why their suspect entered an apartment building with a steering wheel lock, but left without it.]

Detective Danny Messer: A kitchen knife is a kitchen knife until you stab somebody with it.

[after hearing the suspect's statement]
Stella: Fitting in. You're going to be doing a lot of that Ben. Let's say for the next...15 years.

[Mac finds a homemade gun]
Don Flack: You've got no idea how it got like that, right?
Mike Adams: It's a mystery to me, man.
Flack: Join the club.

Manhattan Manhunt [2.7][edit]

Detective Don Flack: [about the students shot execution style] How did this happen? There were security guards at every one of the Endecott's Manhattan properties.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: [about Darius] He's gotta be here somewhere.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Are we sure this is Darius?
Det. Mac Taylor: Take a good look at the position of these kids. Look familiar?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Yeah, those nurses in Midtown. He played in their blood.

Mac Taylor: Last thing Darius said down in Miami, he was coming to New York to make things right.
Stella Bonasera: [Looking at Alexa's body] Think he has?
Mac Taylor: Not even close.

Horatio: That's a stria match.
Stella: The bullets are lining up like the Rockettes at Christmas.

Danny: [knocking as he walks into the lab] What do you got, Montana?
Lindsay: [at the microscope, annoyed] Danny, stop calling me that. It's Lindsay. Lindsay Monroe.
Danny: All right, all right, I'm just joking.
Lindsay: Well, it's not funny. Am I supposed to be the new girl and the butt of your jokes?
Danny: You upset that Mac dismissed you?
Lindsay: I can handle it.
Danny: No, it's not about that. He was looking out for you. You saw that place. It was a slaughterhouse in there.
Lindsay: What, you think I haven't seen blood like that before?
Danny: I dunno, to tell you the truth. Have you?
Lindsay: Yes! (meaning her secret of her friends murder) And a lot worse than that.

Stella: And no girl ever leaves her house without her cell phone, at least not at that age.
Mac: GPS the phone number.
Stella: [satalite view of a department store] Got it. Tiffany's! Now you're talking my language.
Mac: You can tell from a map?
Stella: Are you kidding, I can tell from the moon. I love those little blue boxes.

[to Darius in holding cell]
Mac: Me? I don't pity you, Darius. There's a lot of people with worse stories than yours and they never hurt anyone. You killed twelve people in two states over the last seventy-two hours, and you want me to feel sorry for you because your daddy didn't kiss you when you were a baby? You asked for my help. I did help you. You're where you belong. [pauses] Rot in hell, you son of a bitch.

Bad Beat [2.8][edit]

Flack: You play poker?
Stella: Occasionally. You got a problem with that?
Flack: Yeah, you're physically incapable of keeping a straight face.
Stella: Really?
Flack: Now Mac, there's a man with a poker face, who knows what he's thinking?

[Lindsay is digging through a dumpster looking for evidence]
Lindsay: This new-girl stuff has got to stop.
Mac: It's better than sifting through tiger dung.
Lindsay: Funny.

Male tenant: No, I didn't hear anything unusual. What happened?
Flack: A guy was shot down the hall.
Male tenant: Oh..yeah..I heard that.
Flack: Did you call 9-1-1?
Male tenant: No. Why?

Female tenant: Are you serious? Do you know what time it is?
Flack: I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am, but-
Female tenant: I asked you a question.
Flack: Do I know what time it is? Yes ma'am I do, it's 3 am.
Female tenant: You people are crazy, I ought to sue for harassment.
[Female tenant slams door shut]
Flack: You have a good night now.

Detective Don Flack: [knocks on a man's door. A man opens it, standing in his underwear, holding a beer and scratching his chest] Never mind. [reaches for door handle to pull door closed] Carry on, sir.

Lindsay: Ah, now, see? That's a shame.
Mac Taylor: What's a shame?
Lindsay: Somebody went and threw away a perfectly good shotgun.

Sheldon Hawkes: …Put time of death at least 8 hours ago.
Danny Messer: Actually… [looks at his watch] 10 hours and 13 minutes.
Hawkes: It's impossible to be that exact on ToD.
Danny: You think so, Einstein?
Hawkes: Danny, I'm a certified pathologist. I know so.
Danny: Her coat is damp, I got caught in the rain last night. 20-minute torrential downpour: 8:45. Only the makeup on the right side of her face is streaked which means she was lying dead here when the rain began.
Hawkes: Showoff.

[Flack starts breaking cigars in half]
Robert: Do you have any idea how much that costs?
Flack: Now? Nothing.
[Flack breaks another cigar]
Flack: Hey, Stell.
Stella: Yeah?
Flack: That smell Cuban to you?
[Stella sniffs the cigar]
Stella: Can't tell. Better break another one.

Danny Messer: Adam when you're done with that I got a pair of slacks that I need ironed.

Lindsay Monroe: [walks in to see some of team watching a porn-esque home movie] Footage from your 30th birthday, Messer?
Danny Messer: Walrus documentary, actually.
Sheldon Hawkes: It's Tara Stansfield, our victim from the park.
Lindsay Monroe: Who's the other walrus?

Kelly Lindgren: This is Joel?
Detective Don Flack: What, you don't recognize him with half his face blown off?

City of the Dolls [2.9][edit]

Maka: You never broke an arm off of your GI Joe?
Danny: Yeah, but I did it on purpose, casualty of war.

Detective Stella Bonasera: This is a to-do list dated for tomorrow. If you're going to kill yourself, why spend time planning to pay bills and do laundry?

Harry: So, it'll probably be a whole week or so before they could list the apartment on the market?
Flack: Yeah, we usually don't let the realtor show a place until we get the stink of death out of the carpeting. [Flack leaves to go back to her apartment]
Harry: Well, I thought I'd ask. And the attitude's unnecessary. [Flack turns and gives him a look]

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I am suspicious about everything and sure of nothing.

[Lindsay is taking off her shoes before heading into a suspect's home]
Danny Messer: What are you doing? You don't got to do that.
Lindsay Monroe: I was taught that, if you show a little respect, you might get more than you came for.
Danny: You play good cop, I'll be bad cop. I'm going to keep my shoes on.
Lindsay: Okay, guess you didn't grow up with hardwood floors.
Danny: No I didn't actually, Bronx Marble.
Lindsay: What's that?
Danny: It's linoleum.
[Lindsay puts her shoes back on after the talk with the suspect]
Danny: Thought you were going to play good cop.
Lindsay: There's something about that woman.

Danny: You make me nervous Mac, you got that look.
Mac: What look is that?
Danny: The one that says: "We're not quite finished, cancel your plans for the evening."

Danny: Looks like Miss Drake's been quite busy, more semen samples here than a fertility clinic.

Jamalot [2.10][edit]

Mac Taylor: It's a simple game. The jam is a two-minute period where each team tries to score points by having their jammer lap members of the opposing team.
Stella Bonasera: You cannot know this.
Mac: Someone took me to a game.
Stella: Nobody would ever take you to a roller derby game. Oh, unless you were on a date.
Mac: It was fun.
Stella: The game or the date?

Hawkes: Not a very creative body-dump.
Danny: Does the job, right? Who called it in?
Hawkes: Those two over there. [points to a Goth couple]
Danny: That's great, if the vic's missing any blood we'll know the Dracula twins did it.

Hallie on Wheels: [Hallie is one of the roller-derby girls]. [To a little girl in her daycare] Briana, we don't hit. You ask nicely, alright.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I guess you're one of those, "Do as I say, not as I do," daycare providers.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Apparently, he was some sort of...
Detective Danny Messer: Writer.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: [indicating photographs of the body taken under an ALS light] It was everywhere.

Polly: First time as a murder suspect and I don't even get the cop of my choice to bust my chops.
Flack: I'll send Detective Taylor your regards.
Polly: I'd like to send him a lot more than my regards.

Mac: There's something rotten in the Kingdom of Jamalot.

Mac: You really need all these?
Lindsay: Oh, I thought you said collect everything.
Mac: No, I mean...women. Do you need all these...products?
Lindsay: You’re asking me? I work in a lab.

[about their victim]

Detective Stella Bonasera: Somebody trying to kill the whole starting team?
Detective Mac Taylor: It's one way to get more playing time.

Stella: You can take the girl out of high school, but you can't take the scars of high school out of the girl.

Trapped [2.11][edit]

[Lindsay and Mac are standing in front of a lube pit at a strip club]:
Mac Taylor: Might be something in there we can use to ID the customer our vic was wrestling.
Lindsay: Well, let me know if find anything. [Mac gives her a look and smiles] I'll get my boots. [Mac nods]

Danny: I just can't believe, two years have gone by, haven't heard one word and out of the blue Louie leaves me a message that says "I'm in the city, want to grab a beer?" Can only mean trouble.
Stella: Nah Danny, he's your brother, cut him some slack.
Danny: I don't know, you're right. If it's not trouble, he's probably looking for a handout.

Stella: That's it? No butler?
Flack: No.
Stella: Too bad. I thought we could wrap this one up quick.
Flack: What?
Stella: In a mansion like that, it's always the butler. Didn't you ever play Clue?
Flack: I was a Monopoly guy.

Lindsay Monroe: Funny how a little lube speeds up the processing.

[About the burn victim]
Hawkes: Tattoo on the inner thigh, means eyes only, means our vic had a lover.
Marty: You thinking lovers' spat? Things got a little heated?
Hawkes: Literally.

Stella: [repeating what the therapist just said] Hypnotherapy...
Flack: When you're rich enough, you try things.

Danny Messer: [on panic-room monitor] You're telling me that this spaceship doesn't open up again until tomorrow morning?

Danny Messer: [is trapped in a panic room until somebody can get him out] This is getting better and better, and I'm not spending a week in here with a crazy dead guy trying to figure the code, so do me a favour, call a locksmith.

Stella: Danny, we got it under control, help is on the way.
Danny: I'll be in here.

Angie: Buyer beware. Kandy was a gold digger. I just wanted her next lover to know all the facts. I gave her everything she wanted. And she burned me.
Mac: And someone did the same to her.

Detective Stella Bonasera: How does somebody get inside of a locked vault with only one door?
Danny Messer: If Houdini were alive, we'd have our killer.

Danny Messer: I think I've seen this on an episode of The Flintstones.
Stella Bonasera: Cute.

Danny Messer: Miss MacGyver... grab your camera! I've got a foreign print!

[Locksmith made a tiny hole on the wall]
Locksmith: Hello, can you see me?
Danny: Yeah, you look beautiful. Get me out of here.

Danny: Hey, crimestopper. Run to Ray's, grab me a slice, extra pepperoni, right? Bring it back. Just fold it up, slide it right through eh.
Flack: That's no way to treat good pizza, Messer.

Flack: What you got there?
Stella: Surfactant and hypochlorite.
Flack: And for those of us with just a high-school diploma?
Stella: Uh, soap and bleach.

Wasted [2.12][edit]

Sid Hammerback: She may have been beautiful on the outside, but it was armageddon on the inside.

Sid: You are as smart as you are beautiful.
Stella: Don't flirt with me, Hammerback.
Sid: Yes, Detective.
Stella: [walking away] Stay focused.

Danny Messer: So our first victim died from the paint and our second victim died for the paint.

Adam: Perfect timing, fellas. We are looking down from 22,300 miles from space.
Danny: We found our spores here on earth, Adam.
Adam: I am a scientist without a badge, Danny. Trust me.

Risk [2.13][edit]

Mac: 18-hour shift wasn't enough? Now you're catching bodies on the way home?
Danny: Nah, it's more like the bodies are catching me.

Mac: This kid was subway-surfing... and he never made it out of the tube.

[Lindsay walks into the crime scene dressed in formal wear. Mac is already there in formal wear, having been to the mayor's party]
Danny Messer: Well, hello, Miss Monroe. Wow, you clean up nice, you go the the mayor's party also?
Lindsay Monroe: I was at the opera.
Danny: I am hanging out with all the wrong people here, you know that?

[Stella's waiting in autopsy, and Sid wheels out the body]
Sid: Uh, sorry for the delay. QT and I were busy necking.
Stella: Come again?
Sid: Necking.
[Stella looks confused]
Sid: Looking at his neck.
Stella: Oh.
Sid: You don't think I'd kiss a corpse, do you?
Stella: No, no, of course not.
Sid: That's disgusting.
Stella: I agree.
Sid: As long as we've got that straight.
Stella: So, Sid,...cause of death?

Conductor: Subway surfing was much more popular late 80's, 90's, but we still get these doot-da-doots every once in a while.
Lindsay: Doot-da whats?
Conductor: Doot-da-doots. You know, idiot, moron, knucklehead. Where you from, Jersey?
[A few moments later]
Lindsay: Well do you remember anybody causing any trouble? Any doot-da-doots get your attention?
Conductor: That's very nice. She used it in a sentence and everything.

Flack: QT Jammer's dead.
Reiter: What'd he do? Jump out a window?
Stella: Now why would you say that?

Detective Don Flack: What's that bulge in your pocket? And don't get cute.

Bobby Martin: It's a tragedy to all of us, Mrs Chandler, but the market goes on, by sunrise we'll be open for business and I'd be honored to make you a killing.
Stella: And I'd be honored to bust you for a killing.

Stella: As C-Exchange demands that all its brokers get printed when they get their Series 7 license, your name just popped up like that.
Hawkes: What it didn't say was whether you take chloroform with your coffee or not.

[On his way home from work, Danny had found a body in the subway. They are now done with the case, and he is leaving to go home once again]

Danny Messer: [on the phone with Mac] I'm gonna go straight home, I'm not finding any bodies, trust me.

Stuck on You [2.14][edit]

Lindsay: [after identifying the glue-victim as the music promoter] It's not as glamorous as I would have imagined. Where's the limo and the girls with the tight shirts?
Danny: Yeah, trust me. It's not like that at all.
Lindsay: You know more about this than your average CSI?
Danny: [in light reference to his baseball years] Yeah, I played for a while, enough to get a taste of the world, and that was enough for me.

Mac Taylor: You guys on the music promoter?
Danny Messer: Like glue. [Mac walks away laughing]
Lindsay Monroe: He doesn't think that's funny. He's humoring you.
Danny: You don't know him like I do.

Flack: [entering the lab, listing off] I've slept with a lot of women. Some wild, some crazy, some both.
Stella: [confused] Excuse me?
Flack: Carlo's words. Not mine.
Stella: [understanding] Ah.
Flack: 'Shoulda swung by the hospital to meet this guy. He's a piece of work. He calls himself the new American playboy. Lives, drinks, and breathes women. Again his words. With that in mind, as far as jealous exes go, lot of 'em.
Stella: Looks like Carlo's emerged as our primary target.
Flack: Five minutes into the interview, I wanted to kill him.

[Lindsay watches Mac shoot an arrow]

Det. Lindsay Monroe: Another weapon you're an expert with. I don't know whether to be impressed or worried.

Mr. Runyon: You know what, can you give me the dead guy's address? I want to send his family some flowers just to say thanks, for ruining a day's business for me.

Danny Messer: [referring to a rock band] Wanna go see Rough Sects?

Danny: [seeing Mac playing bass in a club] Get outta here. You're kidding me? How did you know he played?
Lindsay: I figured it out. I could tell by the way he held the bass in the lab that he knew guitars and I knew he had a standing appointment on Wednesdays. Could have been a shrink or yoga. But I took the music option.
Danny: I'm impressed.
Lindsay: Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought.

Fare Game [2.15][edit]

Stella Bonasera: When are these guys ever going to learn? You never leave a paper trail.

Adam Ross: The penal code is his personal to-do list. You pick a section and he's violated it.

Don Flack: You don't call, you don't write- I was starting to think you were seeing other detectives, William.

Cool Hunter [2.16][edit]

Mac Taylor: Sounds to me like you're starting to believe in that curse.
Lindsay: Mac, I believe in the science.

Detective Mac Taylor: Betrayal is the oldest motive for murder in the book.

Stella Bonasera: You know this guy Eliott?
Eliott: Nope.
Stella: Imagine him alive.

Lindsay Monroe: But I was taught instincts point you in a direction, science confirms the theory.

Danny Messer: (holding her in his arms for an experiment) Look you promised me drinks for this, but I think I'm going to need some dinner too.
Lindsay Monroe: I'm not going to give you anything if you don't get going. Make tracks, cowboy.

Joe Green: You know what? I doesn't matter that she used me. I loved her. I guess that makes me a chump, right?
Mac: No. [They shake hands]

Necrophilia Americana [2.17][edit]

Mac Taylor: (looking at Lindsay) Lindsay, put your affinity for bugs to work
Lindsay: (sheepishly) I don't actually have an affinity for bugs.
Mac: The beetles were the first on the scene, we need to know what they know. (points at Lindsay) And no eating.

Detective Danny Messer: A guy walks down to this place he's never been, dies of no apparent cause?
Detective Don Flack: At this point, yeah.

Lindsay Monroe: As soon as Hammerback's finished with you, I get to take the beetles back to the lab with me.
Danny Messer: Don't eat 'em. (he walks away)
Lindsay: You're a little late on that one.
Danny: (turns to look at Lindsay) Doesn't mean it's not funny.

Sid Hammerback: Care to take a guess at cause of death?
Danny: Perhaps he stopped breathing.

Sid Hammerback: As an optimist I prefer to see the body as half-full.

[Watching Mac reading to a little child in his office]
Lindsay: Under the heading, "Things I Never Thought I'd See."

Don Flack: Bad news, half the construction crew is backing George Clark, they all swear that when they left for the day Jim Morris was still alive.
Danny: Not surprised, I don't think this is anything to do with the construction. Seems to be about golf.
Don Flack: You thinking maybe we should get out for a round, talk the case out?

Live or Let Die [2.18][edit]

Detective Danny Messer: [Danny and Mac need to retrieve a piece of evidence from a sewer grate, and Tony, the Midtown Fisherman, has made a device he uses to "fish" things out of grates on the street] Mr. Fisherman, we're in a hurry. Do me a favor, let us borrow your gadget.
Tony the Midtown Fisherman: [glaring] No. Get your own.

[Mac pulls out his badge and shows it to Tony]

Detective Mac Taylor: Please.
Tony the Midtown Fisherman: [to Danny] You see that? A little politeness goes a long way.
(As Mac's 'fishing' for the bullet in the gutter)
Midtown Fisherman: That's it, take your time, relax. That's it, that's it. Visualize. Become one with the gum.

Angie Watson: You have very beautiful eyes, y'know that?
Detective Don Flack: Thank you, now why don't tell me about the night you got collared.
Angie Watson: You got a girlfriend?
Detective Don Flack: Who did you give your gun to, Angie?
Angie Watson: I've been here before. Some cop or D.A. gets me to tell 'em what they need to know, makes a lot of promises, and how they're gonna get me out, a week later I'm still here in the same kind of trouble I was in before I said anything.
Detective Don Flack: We'll work something out, would these eyes lie?

Lindsay Monroe: Have you ever gotten an anonymous phone call from a woman?
Danny Messer: Sure, it’s happened.
Lindsay: Does it turn you on?
Danny: Whoa, slow down there, Montana. What did you have in mind?

Lindsay: Because rape is about control not sex?

(Mac has arrested Dr. Beaumont and he won't stop talking)
Mac: Dr Beaumont, you have the right to remain silent. Use it.

Detective Mac Taylor: Now you had something Dr. Beaumont. Something that some of us who suddenly lost a loved one never had. Time. Time to make the most of what was left. That's what's precious.

Super Men [2.19][edit]

(After finding a dead body dressed as Superman)
Stella: Hey, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's-
Flack: Matthew Palmer.

Danny Messer: Don't tell me you know a little something about football, please.
Lindsay Monroe: Is that so hard to believe?
Danny: No, it's just dangerous. I might ask you to marry me.

Adam: What would make a man put on a superhero suit and risk it all?
Sheldon Hawkes: The naïve belief that one man could make a difference.

Hawkes: Now it's time for us to use our superpowers.

Stella Bonasera: When you were a little kid, did you ever tie a towel around your neck, pretend to be a superhero. A little Mac-man maybe?
Mac Taylor: Sergeant Rock. You couldn't get me out of fatigues when I was a kid.

Adam Ross: That glass that Dr. Hawkes pulled from our John Doe... it tested positive for Krypton.
Det. Mac Taylor: Krypton?
Adam Ross: Kryptonite was Superman's only weakness.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Well, that explains everything.

Carter England: Oh come on, Flack. I thought we were supposed to be like brothers man.
Don Flack: Yeah, well, sometimes, brothers fight.

Hawkes: Hey, guys! The stains on the money you found in Clark's drawer came back as phenylenediamine, naptha, Timemethylbenzene and a variety of colored dyes.
Mac: Consistent with shoe polish.
Stella: You are good!
Mac: Oh, me and Black-49 dye go way back. In the Marine Corps, your shoes had to shine as brightly as your brass.

Danny: Alright, we have Tyrell's trainer with possible motive.
Lindsay: And we have mystery woman number 1, Charlene, with no apparent motive, but a lot of attitude which automatically makes her a suspect in my book.

Run Silent, Run Deep [2.20][edit]

Stella Bonasera: La Perla underwear. These babies sell for 350 dollars.
Danny Messer: I get my BVDs in a three-pack for 10 bucks. Boom.

(Mac and Sid are examining Salvador Zabo's body)
Mac Taylor: His tattoo's been removed. Can you lift it?
Sid: I can lift the Titanic if you give me proper tools.

Danny: Mac, I do not need a boss right now, alright, I need, I need a friend alright?

Don Flack: (to Paul Sabatini) Hey, boxer shorts, cold shower's this way.

Stella: You do wear air-stocking spray, correct?
Melanie: Yeah. Makes my legs look sexy, see? I don't like fishnets, it gives me an itch. (runs her foot up Stella's leg)
Stella: Give it up, Melanie. I like men.

Mac: (To Danny) We did all we could forensically, but in the end, it was your brother who saved you.

Danny Messer: [looking at his brother Louie in a hospital bed after being beaten] I understand why you did what you did, and I just want to say thanks for that and I love you.

All Access [2.21][edit]

(backstage at the Kid Rock concert)
Security Guard: No passes, no access.
Lindsay: (holds up police badge) Will this do?
Security Guard: Hey, sorry. (Lets Lindsay and Mac pass)

Mac: You're not a CSI on this one, Stella. You're a victim.

(in the hospital, Stella talks about her ex-boyfriend, Frankie, trying to remember what happened the night she was attacked in her apartment)
Stella: He'd never even been to my place. That's one of my rules, 'no men in my place' just in case things goes bad. I always have a safe place to go home to.

Mac: (To Kid Rock) You know how many guilty people sing that same song?

Felicia Badman: (about a dead limousine driver) That jerk. He said he would give me a pass...
Lindsey: If you...
Felicia: Yeah, if I. And... I did.

(Stella pleads with her ex-boyfriend, who has her captive in her apartment)
Stella: I love you too Frankie. You caught me off guard, can you blame me? You're right we should talk, okay? I loved your statue it's so beautiful and I loved all the "I love you" messages, and I really meant to call you, I did.
Frankie: (quietly) Yeah, but you didn't, did you? (Stella's face shows her dismay) You ignored my calls, you ignored me. You don't love me.

Stealing Home [2.22][edit]

(all looking at the victim wearing a glitzy costume)

Stella: Mac, are you seeing this?
Mac: Yeah, a mermaid. Why not?
Lindsay: No throwing this one back.
Mac: This one's a keeper.

Danny Messer: Montana, see a view like this, huh? Beats the wheat fields, no?
Lindsay Monroe: Have you ever even seen a wheat field? (walks away)
Danny: (to himself) What's to see? It's just wheat.

Sid: The only thing I did find was unique scarring and callouses on both of her hands. They appear old, difficult to tell where she got them.
Lindsay: Rawhide braiding.
Sid Hammerback: I'm sorry.
Lindsay: Weaving together untanned hides to make reins for horses, lassos. to herd cattle (Shows Sid her hands with the same callouses) The friction and the pressure of the leather cuts you up pretty good, my dad taught me when I was ten. (Sees Sid's facial expression) Do you think Danny calls me Montana because I'm a 49ers fan?
Sid Hammerback: He calls you that because he's got a crush on you.

Dr. Sid Hammerback: [to Hawkes] You ever have a threesome? It's not as glorious as you might imagine. It's complicated in dealing with different personalities and hey, sometimes you're just not in the mood, if you know what I mean. It's hard enough explaining that to one woman, let alone two.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [interrupting] Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [continuing] And then there's...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid.

[Motions the body]

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Anything else?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Oh. Just some trace on Don Juan's right fingers. I'll send a sample to the lab.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Okay.

[Goes to leave]

Dr. Sid Hammerback: There were these two vivacious young ladies - course I was much younger than I am now...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid, I gotta go. I gotta go.

Don Flack: While your little girl's blowing out candles, you're in the other room cheating on your wife?
Paul White: Not one of my better moments I agree.

(Mac and Hawkes enter the Jeffries' apartment.)
Mac Taylor: Welcome to the house of trinogamy.
Hawkes: Wow, I gotta admit this was not what I expected.
Mac: I'll bite. What were you expecting?
Hawkes: I dunno... lava lamps, weird tapestries, a robo-spanker, maybe a couple of big--
Mac: (cuts him off) All right, all right. I'm sorry I asked.

Heroes [2.23][edit]

Flack: Unfortunately, low-lifes know it's Fleet Week also. Servicemen are easy targets because they're easy to spot.
Mac: A uniform isn't a bullseye, it's a badge of honor.
Flack: Once a Marine, always a Marine.
Mac: And if you've attacked one of us, you've attacked us all.

Captain Flood: The Corps will train Marines to kick the crap out of anyone else in the world, but a platoon is only as strong as its weakest link.

Danny: (very upset,charging in) Mac, is this him, is this the scumbag that killed Aiden?!
Mac: Danny, get out of here.
Danny: Just let me talk to him. Aww. I will get him to crack, I promise you that.
Mac: How?! By tuning him up? Stella's got the case, she knows what to do!
Danny: This is Aiden! She's one of our own, Mac!
Mac: That's why we can't make any mistakes. We do this one by the book, understand?
Danny: (getting calm) All right, I just wanted to help.
Mac: I know. Me too.

(as they are processing a vehicle)

Lindsay: Danny talks about her a lot. Aiden. They were close. I wish I could have met her.
Stella: (smiling) You would have liked her.

[Giving a toast to Aiden Burn who was killed while working as a private investigator]
Messer: To Aiden.

Charge of this Post [2.24][edit]

[On their way to the crime scene.]
Lindsay Monroe: It's quite a shindig.
Don Flack: Sunday block parties. Springtime in New York City.
Lindsay: Right in the middle of the street, huh?
Flack: Where do they have them in Montana?
Lindsay: Wyoming.

Smith: How did you know what to do?
Mac Taylor: I've lived through this moment before.

Ellen Fielding: Laptops were stolen from an agency car two weeks ago. [Mac scoffs in disbelief] Maybe we could jam the phone somehow, close down the system?
Det. Mac Taylor: It's too late for that; we have a little under ninety minutes. By the time we close down every phone, every radio, every walkie-talkie...
Ellen Fielding: We can close down secure networks.
Det. Mac Taylor: It's not about the networks! Anyone can return a page! There are eight million New Yorkers, six million cell phones, any one of which could trigger the next bomb!

Mac: I'm glad you stayed.
Stella Bonasera: Mac, that's what we do; we take care of each other.