CSI: NY (season 3)

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CSI: NY (September 2004February 2013) is an American police procedural television series set in New York City. It is a spinoff of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and CSI: Miami.

People With Money [3.1][edit]

[Flack is flirting with some techs.]
Stella: Impressing your fans with your battle wounds?
Don Flack: They were concerned about my recovery, I was just putting them at ease.

Lindsay: So, Flack, how many numbers did you get?
Don Flack: I don't like where you're going with this, Monroe.
Lindsay: [surprise look] Really. How many?
Flack: Three.
Stella: Everybody loves a hero.

Danny Messer: Hey, what happened? I don't see Benton breathing down your neck. He take the training wheels off?
Det. Jennifer Angell: Come all the way up here to bust my balls or to work, Messer?
Sheldon Hawkes: Oooh, Angell got her wings, huh?

Detective Mac Taylor: So Sam's plan was to propose to someone else on the bridge, then pick up Erica Lancaster to "talk".
Detective Stella Bonasera: Translation: end their relationship.

Hammerback: Did you know that, when Egyptian Princesses died, they were not embalmed for several days to prevent necrophilia. The natural degradation of the human body made it unappealing even to the most deviant of men. Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first place...
Hawkes: Sid?
Hammerback: I mean it's counterintuitive...
Hawkes: Sid? Sid! You're going to that creepy place again.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: All roads lead to Rome.

Detective Mac Taylor: Get dressed. Plunge is over.

Asad: I told her I couldn't have sex with her....personal reasons.
Danny Messer: So tell us how the rest of the night went,...player.

Not What It Looks Like [3.2][edit]

Stella Bonasera: They're all dressed like Holly Golightly.
Lindsay Monroe: Breakfast at Tiffany's. Except I don't get it. I don't remember Holly Golightly ever robbing a jewelry store.
Stella: You're right. It was a love story.
Lindsay: No love here.

[Lindsay holds a diamond necklace that was knocked out of the jewelry case during a robbery.]
Danny Messer: Don't even think about it, Montana.
Lindsay: This necklace is worth more than I make in a year. It's crazy.
Danny: I don't see the big deal of diamond it's just an allotrope of the element carbon.
Lindsay: Spoken like a true romantic.

Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Sid and Peyton are flipping a coin to see who gets to do the autopsy on Pauline Rayburn. Peyton wins] It's heads. She's yours. Can--can I at least watch? This is one of the most well-preserved mummies I've seen in my many years as a pathologist. The environmental conditions of--of temperature and humidity and ventilation must have been just, you know, optimum. You can only compare it to the best sex you've ever had, reaching climax at precisely that-that-that...
Dr. Peyton Driscoll: [Interrupting] All right, Sid, you can help. But I get to print her.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Fair enough.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: Danny, you've been staring at that same piece of glass for five minutes. [Smirks] Can I bag it for you or are you waiting for it to turn back into sand?

Danny: (Hawkes is laughing at him because of the dog) What?!
Sheldon Hawkes: You know what they say about dogs and their owners. The resemblance is uncanny. (laughs)
Danny: That's funny, that's funny.
Hawkes: You know, Messer, I imagined you with something a little meatier.
Danny: He's a loner.
Hawkes: I'm sure he is.
Danny: I'll be in Reconstruction, you clown.

Danny Messer: [to Stella] Yeah, I know: I look like the dog.

Sal Bovado: I swear to you, I totally forgot about that gun. I wanna make it very clear that I am not a cop killer. It was sincerely intended for anyone else but you, Officer. [pause] That didn't come out right.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Shows a picture of Pauline Rayburn] Tell me about Pauline Rayburn.
Sal Bovado: Don't know her.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Shows a picture of a mummified Pauline Rayburn] Know her now?
Sal Bovado: [Disgusted] No, I don't. Yo, man, I'm sensitive to graphic material.

Detective Danny Messer: [goes over to her as she puts on a bulletproof-vest] What do you think you're doin'?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Danny, I'll be fine.
Detective Danny Messer: We have undercovers who can do this, all right? It's not our job.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Well, it is now. We're out of time. You heard what she said, if we don't get in there in four minutes, her friend dies.

Love Run Cold [3.3][edit]

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [Lindsay is looking up] She was stabbed with an icicle?
Danny Messer: That's cold.
Detective Mac Taylor: Not cold enough. Our evidence is about to turn into a big pool of water.

Stella Bonasera: What makes someone want to run 26.2 miles anyway?

Sid: (during the autopsy) Cause of death was not natural, he was in superb shape, lungs, heart, all the vital organs near perfect.
Mac: So you're saying... he's actually still alive?

Sid: Just my opinion, but cyanide seems a lot simpler way to kill someone.
Mac: Murder's never simple doctor.

[Stella and Hawkes walk into Mac's office]

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Autopsy results?
Detective Mac Taylor: This is a good one. A runner who somehow has frostbite on his face in 90 degree heat, who died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the middle of Central Park.

[Mac smirks, as Hawkes just looks dumbfounded]

Detective Stella Bonasera: That's just... [thinks for a brief moment] not possible.

Sid: Tonya Nettles was stone-cold sober.
Danny: Aren't most people when they're at work, Sid?
Sid: I'll ignore the implication of the question, detective.

Detective Danny Messer: Colin Flynn?
Colin Flynn: Yeah, that's me.
Detective Danny Messer: NYPD, we got a couple of questions for you, alright?
Colin Flynn: Do I have to answer?
Detective Don Flack: I'm a cop, not a lawyer... but yeah, you do.

Lindsay: (as they are walking) So what else do we got?
Danny: Wanna get some lunch?
Lindsay: Danny, Mac wants us to wrap this up.
Danny: Sure, but he doesn't want us to starve to death.

Danny: Lindsay Monroe! Can I talk to you for a second?
Lindsay: Yeah.
Danny: I have to know what's going on with you. OK, I mean, you and I have this thing, right? This chemistry, like we're into each other, but every time we were in the same room together today it's like... (Lindsay stares at the floor) Don't tell me you don't feel it also.
Lindsay: I can't do this, Danny.
Danny: Can't do what?
Lindsay: I can't be in a relationship with you.
Danny: I'm not I just- I just- I don't... I'm talking about spending some time together, dinner, a few drinks, some laughs.
Lindsay: Look, Danny. I like you... A lot, but right now I can't. It's not you, okay? It's - I just... I need to be by myself so I can.. Work some stuff out.. that I thought I had.. put behind me. I didn't mean for this to happen.
Danny: It's okay.
Lindsay: Maybe we should just do our jobs. (walks away)
Danny: If there's anything you need from me, just let me know, OK?

Hung Out to Dry [3.4][edit]

Stella Bonasera: College tuition: $40,000. Room and Board: $10,000. Puking and passing out on your parent's dime: Priceless.

Flack: Britney and Kevin came to do the nasty, instead they discovered the nasty. Decapitated, no sign of the head either.

[the team arrives to investigate a murder at a college fraternity party]

Detective Stella Bonasera: Witnesses? Sober ones anyway?
Det. Don Flack: Nah. I waited for you to get here before I started my interviews, looking forward to that too by the way. I swear to you, if one of them calls me "bro"...

[Don is questioning a fraternity member with alcohol bottles taped to his hands]

Frat Guy: It's called "Edward-40-Hands", you know, like "Edward Scissor Hands", except for, you know, with 40s.
Det. Don Flack: Get out of here.
Frat Guy: No serious, that's really what they call it.
Det. Don Flack: No, no, no, I mean get out of my face, I never want to see you again, go!
Frat Guy: Whatever, bro.

Danny Messer: (to Shane Casey) You're the only normal, sober guy at this party.
Shane Casey: Will do, detective. (Then he walks away and Danny sees he is wearing a grass skirt and nothing underneath.)

Sid: (to Sheldon and Mac about the victim) The rawness of the flesh indicates that she was alive during the beheading, but I, I bet she didn't feel a thing, she was probably unconscious. Her blood alcohol level was 0.26 blotto. The highest I've ever registered was 0.23, but that was in celebration of my first divorce, and I fell down a flight of stairs, didn't feel a thing.

Lindsay Monroe Prints were a bust. CODIS was about as helpful as FEMA.

John Hayes: [to Mac and Danny] Okay, so you two are the smart cops.
Danny: Yeah, somewhere along the way we learned to read.

John Hayes: Still browsing?
Danny: How much are they?
John Hayes: 29 a piece.
Danny (snorts) I think we'll stick to Barney's!

Stella: Did some research on Hydra.
Mac Taylor: Whoa, research - you're Greek, don't you know all that stuff?
Stella: Even we Greeks have to brush up on our mythology once in a while.

Oedipus Hex [3.5][edit]

[about playing basketball in Harlem]

Detective Don Flack: I've been the resident Larry Bird five years running.

Detective Danny Messer: [Finds a design on the victim's underwear] SG? What the hell does that stand for?
Adam Ross: I know what SG stands for. Yeah, I, uh, used to date one of them and uh, phew, yeah she kind of broke my heart. It was a long time ago.
Detective Danny Messer: Nevermind, nevermind. What's this mean?
Adam Ross: Oh, uh, she's a Suicide Girl.

Detective Mac Taylor: No. I don't feel you. If I find out you're lying, you're gonna be feeling me.

Detective Stella Bonasera: [Reading from a piece of paper the victim had in his sock] "In my darkest moment, when all seems lost, you are at my side."
Detective Mac Taylor: [Coming up from behind] I appreciate you too, Stella.

Moody: I'm all about business.
Stella: Oh, that's right, loan sharking, drugs, gambling, fencing stolen goods, how much was Chopper Tevis in to you for?
Moody: You know how interest mounts up.
Flack: The only things mounting up in your world, brother, are charges.

Danny: (to Albert/Y Monster about Omen's death) You thought Omen 'n' Al meant you and her. (almost laughing) But you never figured was, it was her and her.

Open and Shut [3.6][edit]

Sid: [with the impaled hotel concierge] When I was an intern, they brought in a guy who had fallen off a loading dock onto a container of steel reinforcement rods. Talk about a thousand points of light.

Mac Taylor: We'd like a reference sample of your DNA.
Tony DeLuca: What, so you can stick it on some government database? No way, I know my rights.
Flack: We have rights, too. They're called warrants.

Tony DeLuca: The only reason I was with that girl was because I was doing Mandi a favor.
Detective Don Flack: Having sex with the hotel concierge was a favor?

Stella Bonasera: [to Mac Taylor] This case is different. Hell, I'm different. I know what it's like to be trapped in your home. And I have a vivid memory of that horrible moment when you realize the only way out is a bullet. I have no choice but to be emotionally involved.

Detective Mac Taylor: You got anything on the railing?
Adam Ross: That's a joke, right?
Detective Mac Taylor: Call it wishful thinking.
Adam Ross: Huh, it's got more trace on it than a public restroom. Actually, I have no idea what I'm looking for here.
Detective Mac Taylor: Sometimes you don't know what you're looking for until you find it. [a tech hands him a folder] Thank you. [he opens it] Our photographer's prints didn't match the print we found on the vic. We got a hit on someone else. See if you can put her on the railing.
Adam Ross: [reads the folder] Mandi Foster? Oh, oh, I love Mandi Foster.
[Mac smiles and leaves]

Flack: [to Danny and Mac] Hey. So I went down to the deli to get a cinnamon twist and ran into a friend of ours. [shows them a "scandal" magazine with a picture of Mandy Foster on the front cover]
Danny: Paparazzi must have been hiding behind a potted plant.

Detective Stella Bonasera: [to Grace Thomason] Framing a man with known mental problems, it's very clever. But then, you're a therapist, you'd know who to pick.

Grace Thomason: Yeah, I read somewhere that you shot your boyfriend three times in the chest, point blank range, in your apartment. It was last year, wasn't it?
Stella Bonasera: That was self-defense.
Grace Thomason: Hmm
Stella Bonasera: I was a victim, and you're a cold-blooded murderer.

Murder Sings the Blues [3.7][edit]

[Flack is holding up the cake-topper bride's head in a evidence bag]
Don Flack: Do you, Stella Bonasera, take Veronica as a crazy with a motive?
Stella Bonasera: I do.

Stella: Hey Danny, tell me you got something to connect Veronica the maid to Jordan's death.
Danny Messer: No, but I do have a St. Bernard with fleas, and a poodle with a skin condition, I think.

Mac Taylor: Science is our integrity.

Consequences [3.8][edit]

Stella Bonasera: I think somebody's following me.
Mac Taylor: What makes you think that?
Detective Stella Bonasera: I'm hearing footsteps and seeing shadows and glimpses of something or someone and - [sighs] Look, I know this sounds crazy but I really feel like I'm being watched.
Detective Mac Taylor: This is at your place?
Detective Stella Bonasera: No. No, actually it's, uh, as I go into work, twice on the subway, while I was shopping today.
Detective Mac Taylor: When did this start?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Uh, about a week ago. I first felt it.. when I dropped off your birthday gift at your place.
Detective Mac Taylor: Well, I'll assign a patrol unit. We'll have some guys outside your place.
Detective Stella Bonasera: No, no that's not necessary.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Mac's phone rings] Taylor. Okay. [He hangs up] A homicide on Lafayette. Come on, I'll drop you off at home, it's on the way.
Detective Stella Bonasera: No, no, it's okay. I wanna enjoy every last minute of my day off. Just telling you makes me feel a lot better, okay?
Detective Mac Taylor: Okay, I'll call ya.

[He leaves]

[Looking at a Macy's Day Nutcracker Balloon]
Mac Taylor: They build these balloons in sections and divide them into compartments.
Sheldon Hawkes: Yup, well, that would explain the limp arm.
Mac: The bullet's somewhere inside all that polyurethane. Thought you might wanna do the autopsy. For old times' sake.
Hawkes: (smiling) This job is never boring.

Detective Mac Taylor: I'm just asking questions, Don.
Don Flack: No, you're not just asking questions, Mac. Come on, I know you. You wouldn't be here talking to me if you hadn't already tracked the chain of custody, checked with property, and called the DEA agents. And let me tell you something, cocaine from that raid wouldn't last six months on the street. So what is this? My interrogation?
Detective Mac Taylor: You're overreacting.
Detective Don Flack: Well maybe I am, but let me save you a little bit of time - none of my guys took a thing.
Detective Mac Taylor: You can't be sure of that. You weren't there. You just said you didn't remember.
Detective Don Flack: It didn't happen, Mac.
Detective Mac Taylor: You're listed on the DD5 as the recorder on the scene. You had to take everything down in your memo book - every detective who was there, who searched the room, who found the drugs.
Detective Don Flack: You askin' me for it?
Detective Mac Taylor: You can check your notes or you can let me do it.
Detective Don Flack: Is this official business?
Detective Mac Taylor: It's a request, from a friend.
Detective Don Flack: Then I'm gonna have to think about it.

[He walks away]

Adam Ross: Hey guys.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Adam.
Adam Ross: Hey Danny, you remember that rust stuff you found in the alley?
Detective Danny Messer: Rust stuff? Rust stuff? You respect the time it took me to collect that, at least call it "trace."
Adam Ross: Okay. Contained traces of molasses and non-human blood. Bear blood to be exact.
Detective Stella Bonasera: What?
Adam Ross: North American Grizzly Bear. But, but there's more. The blood on this rock is a match to Cyrus Menlo, but it's also a match to the blood found on these leaves.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Both human blood, right?
Adam Ross: Right. [Holds the two leaves up] But you put them together like this and shazam.
Detective Danny Messer: You got one leaf - with a hole in the middle of it.
Adam Ross: A hole probably made from a spike or something with a jagged edge. Right, huh, you see where I'm going here?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Bear blood, molasses, leaves with human blood on them, a spike and a jagged edge, you're talking bear traps.
Adam Ross: Yes, you win the washer and dryer.
Detective Danny Messer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, help me out here. You're telling me that Cyrus Menlo was caught in a bear trap?
Adam Ross: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: You're crazy.
Adam Ross: It's the only conclusion we can arrive at with this evidence.
Detective Danny Messer: So Tanaka sets the bear trap, leads Cyrus Menlo down the alley, Tanaka goes into the warehouse...
Adam Ross: - Bang bang, Tanaka gets shot. Cyrus walks out, steps in the trap while Tanaka bleeds to death inside the warehouse. Moral of the story, alright: stick with bowling. What up?

[He and Danny fist bump]

Adam Ross: Check this out. [He puts a slide under the microscope] Alright, look, look. It's a piece of the moon. A moon rock. Yeah, this rock is, is from the moon.
Detective Danny Messer: From the moon?
Adam Ross: Outer space.
Detective Danny Messer: Get outta here. Wow. How did a piece of the moon end up in the alley?
Adam Ross: I-I don't know. This stuff is illegal to have and somebody went through a lot of trouble to get it. I mean I've seen this stuff listed on eBay before, you know, and most of it isn't real, but if it is short of going to the moon they would have had to steal from NASA.

Don Flack: Get outta here. Ya gotta have a Master's degree in Chemistry just to run drugs these days.

Dennis: Trina was a geologist, unfortunately her work was a little more fascinating than I was. To tell you the truth, I would've felt better if she told me there was another man.

Stella: Verna Welke?
Trina: Yes?
Stella: I've come for the alien?

Detective Mac Taylor: Don.
Detective Don Flack: Hey.
Detective Mac Taylor: You know why I'm here.
Detective Don Flack: Do you care about the consequences?
Detective Mac Taylor: I know this isn't easy for you.
Detective Don Flack: I'm not talking about me, Mac. I'm talking about the hundreds of arrests this cop was involved in, the thugs who are going to be screaming for an appeal because his credibility's in question, and the ones who are going to go free despite the fact they're guilty and he did everything by the book. I'm talking about child molesters, rapists, murderers.
Detective Mac Taylor: Kym Tanaka's shooter stepped over his body and collected shell casings. He stuck his fingers into the victim's shoulder wound to retrieve a bullet all to save his own ass. He was there to sell drugs, poison, that destroys families, creates addicts out of babies in the womb, and accounts for twenty-three percent of the murders in this city. Don't make me subpena your memo book, Don. [Flack throws him the memo book. Mac walks away, stops, and turns back to Flack] The consequences I care about are the cops who never cross the line who now have to face criticism and suspicion because one of their own forgot the oath we took. Whichever one of these guys is found guilty I hope he goes away for a very long time because he disrespected the badge that you and I wear.

Reed: (To Stella) Are you Claire Conrad?
Stella Bonasera: No.
Mac: You mean Claire Conrad-Taylor?...She was my wife.

And Here’s to you, Mrs. Azrael [3.9][edit]

Dr. Sid Hammerback: Mac, been meaning to ask. I'd like you to consider coming to our house for Thanksgiving this year. My daughter's coming in, cousins from Philly. We do a really nice job. I use a Collins scalpel to carve the bird, it gets the meat paper-thin.
Mac Taylor: I appreciate the offer, Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Now you can't spend the holidays alone again. I'll drag you if I have to.
Detective Mac Taylor: You're gonna have to add some meat to that skinny frame of yours if you're gonna be making threats, and I was about to say I do have plans this year, thank you.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [pause] Oh. I'm intrigued.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What are you working on?
Adam Ross: Oh, just some trace that Sid found in the crease of our vic's mouth. Mac asked me to I.D. it.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mind if I take a look?
Adam Ross: Oh, please, knock yourself out.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Looks at the slide] Are you kidding me?
Adam Ross: It's krill. Pelagic, shrimp-like crustacean of the family Euphuasiid.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: How did it get in our vic's mouth?
Adam Ross: I'm working on that. See, krill is one of the main ingredients used in salt water fish food.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: There's an aquarium in the visitor's lounge at the hospital. Nice.

[He punches Adam in the chest]

Adam Ross: [Rubbing his chest] Ow.

Sheldon Hawkes: It took three high-risk surgeries exercising my profession to learn sometimes it's just your time, and there's nothing medicine can do about it. [Flashback]
Danny Messer: So you just walked away?
Hawkes: Yeah, learned the hard way that I didn't want to be the guy standing over somebody when they took their last breath. So, took a job at the ME's office, figured if God had the final say when someone died, I could at do something about it if they were taken too soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
Danny: Hey, you're still a doctor, Sheldon.

Don Flack: Didn't appreciate that, Matt. See, this here is a new pair of pants. And I don't get uniform allowance. So I suggest you make it up to me by makin' the rest of this very easy (Flack pats down Matt). Check out what Mr. Goodwrench had in his backpocket. Set of lockpick tools.
Matt: What can I say? I'm always losin' my apartment keys.
[Flack shoves his shoulder lightly]
Flack: Hey, what did I tell you 'bout makin' things easy?

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You never went home last night, huh?
Detective Mac Taylor: Looks like you didn't, either.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Hey, I've got two miles of bandages to go through. What's your excuse?

Mac: (about his father) He spent the last eight months of his life in bed on a feeding tube. After a while, the medication didn't do anything for the pain, so one day, he asked me... he begged me... to end it for him. I couldn't do it.
Hawkes: You made the right decision.
[Mac looks unsure]

Julie Rollins: You have to understand, my husband died last year, Heather was all I had left.
Mac: There's nothing about this that I understand.

Sweet 16 [3.10][edit]

Flack: They picked today for the stunt cos the conditions were perfect.
Danny: Yeah well there was a slight change in forecast, to cloudy, with a chance of birds.

Lindsay Monroe: Nothing says Happy Birthday like a $60,000 car. You know, when I turned 16, I got my mom's used Pinto. I loved that car.

Hawkes: This isn't about Sweet 16, this is about outdoing the Jones'.

Mac: What's the kid's name?
Howie: [Shrugs] Kid.

Stella: The Archersons didn't invite any criminals to their party.
Hawkes: The guest list was 90% kids, and unless they're robbing banks between classes they're not going to be in the system.

Mac: (upset with an abusive dad) Right now I'd give a year's pay for two minutes alone in this room with you, but since that won't happen, I promise you this. You're gonna go to a place where you won't be able to hurt Jesse again.

Mac: She opened a can of worms and found a snake.

Raising Shane [3.11][edit]

Captain Stanton Gerrard: (To Stella) Seems you and Taylor got a knack for hiring high-tech geeks with a penchant for committing felonies.
Danny Messer: Why don't we step outside, grandpa? I'll show you what kind of geek I am.
Stella Bonasera: Danny, get the hell outta here. Now.
Captain Stanton Gerrard: Someday I'm going to beat some sense into that kid.
Stella: (to the Captain) Let me tell you something. You threaten a member of my team again and I promise you I will make it my personal mission to have your badge. The crime scene is yours, Captain.

(After handing the case over to Captain Stanton Gerrard)
Stella: I hate the view from this side of the tape.
Lindsay Monroe: So now what do we do?
Danny: Scratch our asses while these guys decide Hawkes' fate.

(Looking at the back of a DVD in an 'adult entertainment' shop)
Danny: "Art of Whore. When a soldier's unit is taken by surprise..."
Stella: Danny...
Danny: What, you don't want me to ruin the ending for you?

Stella: Lemme guess. Tom?
Peeking Tom: The man, the myth.
Stella Detective Bonasera. The law, the order.

Peeking Tom: Freakin' junkies. I'm trying to run a reputable business here.
Danny: Reputable? You kiddin me?

(To Det. Angell, who is bent over a half-naked body)
Danny: We interrupting anything here, Detective?

Silent Night [3.12][edit]

Detective Mac Taylor: Your husband's a lawyer. Did he have any enemies, or recent problems at work?
Officer Marty Santucci: [translating for Gina] My husband didn't kill Allison.
Detective Mac Taylor: That wasn't my question.
Officer Marty Santucci: [translating] You speak with your eyes.

Stella: You can talk to me off the record, you know that, right?
Lindsay: What do you want me to say?
Stella: You left the crime scene Lindsay, I mean, I covered for you, but...
Lindsay: Yeah, thanks.
Stella: Look, if you have a problem you should tell someone, I'm just trying to help.
Lindsay: Well don't, OK? Just leave me alone.
Stella: Clearly I made the mistake about trying to be your friend here, so I'll be your boss: when you're requested at a crime scene you show up and you do your job. Speaking of your job, I expect to see you in autopsy this afternoon.

Seth: You think I'd marry her? She's deaf.
Mac: You're a real piece of work.
Flack: What Detective Taylor meant to say is you're a scumbag with an $80 haircut who killed his girlfriend because she decided to have his baby.

Hawkes: Mac, you want Gina to participate in the reconstruction? That means taking her home, back to the crime scene.
Mac: Gina heard every detail of that crime scene through her body, which makes her our best witness.

Lindsay: I know I owe you an explanation. I can't tell you what's going on, not because I don't want to. Because I'm not sure myself.
Stella: You said you were the only one?
Lindsay: I survived a crime... a very uh, a terrible crime. Friends of mine were killed... (very sad) I could use a friend here, Stell.
Stella: You got one, kiddo.

Gina Mitchum: [in sign language] You helped me. And I wish I could help you now.
Detective Mac Taylor: [normally] What... makes you think something's wrong?
Gina Mitchum: [in sign language] I speak with my hands. You speak with your eyes.

Mac: (To Peyton) Look into my eyes because I need you to hear me. I can't promise that I won't ever be hesitant or cautious, but I'm committed to making this work. Trust me Peyton I don't want to lose you.

Obsession [3.13][edit]

Sheldon Hawkes: I guess our vic's outta the race.
Danny Messer: And he finished dead last!

Detective Don Flack: Couple of kids came into the 35 claimed that their friend's football may have accidentally killed the man. [Stella and Mac both give him a look] I locked 'em up for fun.

(at the crime scene covered in snow)
Danny: Stop shivering like a girl, Adam. It's not even that cold out.
Adam: (teeth chattering) I'm from Phoenix, 85 degrees is considered freezing.
Danny: Cupcake.

(looking at a dead body in the lab)
Stella Bonasera: So we're possibly looking at New York City's best-dressed kidnapper.
Mac Taylor: And our kidnap victim is missing.

(after Dr. Sid Hammerback determines that the murder weapon is a foot)
Danny Messer: Right foot of a woman?
Dr. Sid Hammerback (surprised): Right... It is correct. And female would explain the traces of red nail polish I found in the wound.
Danny Messer: So our murderer is a one-legged barefoot woman, who's got serious kung-fu skills.

(talking to the secretary of a murdered suspect)
Mac Taylor: What was he doing during these four hours?
Secretary: I don't know. Once a month he tells me to block out four or five hours like that, I never ask. I figured he's seeing a shrink or something?
Mac Taylor (watching the secretary carefully): Did he need a shrink?
Secretary: Do I have to answer that? I mean, I really don't like talking badly about dead people.

The Lying Game [3.14][edit]

Detective Stella Bonasera: What's a woman doing in the men's bathroom?
Detective Don Flack: Oh, I can think of a few reasons. All with happier endings.

Detective Stella Bonasera: What do you think Sid, are we looking at a hate crime here?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Transgendered showgirl drowned in a public toilet - sound like love to you?

[as Danny and Mac gather the skateboards]

Skateboard Shop Clerk: Some of those boards are crucial collector's items!
Detective Mac Taylor: And we're collecting them.

(about a skateboard being used as a weapon)
Danny Messer: My mom always said these things were dangerous.

Mac: (enters his office to see Stella and Lindsay waiting for him) Something wrong?
Stella: Lindsay's gonna take off for a little while.
Mac: When?
Lindsay Monroe: I leave tomorrow morning, for Montana. A couple of months ago I got a call from the Bozeman prosecutor's office. They apprehend a suspect who was wanted in a multiple homicide ten years ago. Four girls. They were uh... they were friends of mine. I was the only witness.
Mac: And the only survivor as I remember.
Stella: They want her to testify.
Lindsay: I still see their faces. My friends faces. The mothers' faces... I don't know which I'm more scared of. Standing in front of the monster who did this... or seeing those faces. (she gets up as Stella gives her a hug)
Stella: Hey, you take care of youself, kiddo.
Lindsay: Thanks.
Mac: (gives Lindsay a hug) You're tough, Lindsay. You'll pull through this.

Sheldon Hawkes: Hey. I thought you'd left. You okay?
Lindsay: Yeah. Just, uh, tying up some loose ends. Have you seen Danny?
Hawkes: Yeah, he's out in the field.
Lindsay: (holding up a card) Could you, uh, make sure that he sees this?
Hawkes: That's how you're going to tell him you're leaving? A card?
Lindsay: It's not a big deal, I'll be back.
Hawkes: At least call him. Give him a chance to say good-bye.

Some Buried Bones [3.15][edit]

Detective Stella Bonasera: So did our vic surprise a shoplifter?
Detective Danny Messer: Shoplifter surprised him with a bullet.

(viewing the store surveillance tape as a shimmer walks across the screen)

Stella: Is the camera malfunctioning?
Danny: That or 5th Avenue's haunted.

Adam Ross: Turns out our suspect is not as spooky as she wants us to believe. I mean, come on, if this was a real ectoplasm, what's it doing shopping? Unless it was, like, the spirit of Imelda Marcos, but I don't even think she's dead.

(examining a statue with blood on it)

Mac Taylor: I think we have a suspect.
Don Flack: I love this job.

Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Pulling something out from inside the victim's neck] A prize in every box.

Detective Mac Taylor: Absinthe spoon, a branding, a brutal beat down.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I'll take Cult Rituals for two-hundred.
Detective Mac Taylor: I don't think so. Kid doesn't look the part. We have reason to believe he went to Chelsea University. [pause] What is a fraternity hazing gone bad?

Detective Mac Taylor: [Finding out a pen was filled with blood instead of ink] Who writes in blood?
Adam Ross: Lawyers, college loan administrators...

Adam Ross: [Watching survelliance of the suspect] I can tell she's got a bully in her life. Check that out. Look how she flinched when a customer raised his hand.
Detective Danny Messer: Could be too much coffee.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Or a sign of abuse, and withdrawal like that is a classic symptom of PTSD.
Detective Danny Messer: [to Adam] How'd you know that?
Adam Ross: Huh, uh, uh, my, uh, my dad was a bully.

Reed: (sadly) I'd like to know where my mom's buried.
Mac: She wasn't. Her body was never found. No trace at all. But they're . . . we're still looking.

Heart of Glass [3.16][edit]

(about their victim in the tub)
Danny: So she breaks in, pours some champagne and takes a bath.
Peyton: Just like the fairy tale.
Mac: Only this Goldilocks isn't sleeping. She's dead.

Don Flack: Thought you had the night off.
Mac: My dinner date dumped me for a dead body.

The Ride-In [3.17][edit]

(Victim is covered in money)
Danny Messer: I guess we can rule out robbery...

[a murder victim is found dressed in a cigarette costume]

Detective Stella Bonasera: Okay, let's just say it now to get it over with: smoking kills.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, but who killed him?

Flack: Well, Noah was taking these people for a ride, but it wasn't on the Ark. His flock all tested negative for GSR, and they've asked me if they can get back on the good ship Looney Tunes before Sunday, because that's when the world's ending. I told them they could re-board once the crime scene's clear, but what I really want to do is throw them all in the shower and then a rubber room.
Mac: They're not crazy.

Melodee Constanza: He's dead?
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, he's dead.
Melodee Constanza: You sure about that?
Detective Danny Messer: Very sure.
Melodee Constanza: You just made my whole day. No, my year.
Detective Danny Messer: Oh, well I'm glad to help.

Stella: [Walking into a room where various lab technicians are smoking cigarettes.] Hawkes, what are we playing, who gets cancer first?

Sleight Out of Hand [3.18][edit]

Stella: [about their cut up victim] She was alive when he cut her in half.
Mac: Something tells me this girl wasn't a volunteer from the audience.

Sid Hammerback: [looking at the body of their vic, who was sawn in half] Do I even need to state the cause of death?

[after Rupert has said that he loved the victim]
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, and nothing says "I love you back" like an order of protection.

Luke Blade: [to Mac and Danny] If that's it detectives, I'm gonna go light myself on fire.

Stella Bonasera: They say burning is the most painful of deaths.
Danny Messer: I love that. How do they know? What'd they take a poll? '64% of dead people surveyed ...'

Don Flack: Do you think Houdini knew the impact he would have on Mafia lingo?
Sheldon Hawkes: I'm sorry?
Don Flack: When they whack somebody they say, "We made him do a Houdini". Do you think that would make him proud?
Sheldon Hawkes: Are we actually having this conversation?
Don Flack: Oh, I'm sorry. Can you explain the difference between DNA and RNA? Is that better? 'Cause that's scintillating conversation right there.
Sheldon Hawkes: It would be if you knew the answer-
Rupert Flannigan: [interrupting them] This is what you're looking for, it has all three items you showed me in those photographs. You'd better return this though, it's a collector's item. I don't want to find out you two pulled a Houdini on me.
[Flack walks away smirking]

Mac Taylor: [hands Danny a lighter] You want to do the honors?
Danny Messer: Are you lighting your arm on fire in the name of science?
Mac Taylor: What other job allows you to set your boss on fire? Going once, going twice...
Danny Messer: [takes the lighter] Sold, but if you go up in flames, I get your office?

Luke Blade: [talking about his next "trick"] And most importantly, it has be performed by a highly pissed off professional!

Daze of Wine and Roaches [3.19][edit]

Luther Vandeross: I can certainly answer any of your questions or write them down and have Evie respond by e-mail.
Det. Don Flack: Nice, but that's not how this works. See, we're old school. We're all light bulbs and cold concrete rooms.

[in the wine vault]
Detective Danny Messer: So this is where you house the million-dollar grape juice, huh?

Lindsay Monroe: Flack, I think Danny's kind of wine is the house Chianti.
Danny Messer: See, that's where you're wrong. My favourite wine is beer.

Danny Messer: [explaining his theory about what happened] And then he gets screwed to death.
Don Flack: 6.5, Mess. Little shaky on the landing.

Detective Danny Messer: Get outta here, these are real stones?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Uh huh, and I'm thinking that this chain was attached, which makes this roach jewelry, or a pet, or a jeweled pet.
Detective Danny Messer: Or roach-broach.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Hey, could be the next big thing. I mean, isn't the cockroach kind of the unofficial mascot of New York?
Danny: Hey that's funny, take it easy there, Montana.

Danny: Since when do you know so much about wine, Montana?
Lindsay Monroe: We're more than beer and buffalo burgers, Messer.

Detective Danny Messer: [Shocked] You killed him because of a cockroach?
Detective Danny Messer: [after the bus-boy's impassioned speech about cockroaches] So you killed a guy over a cockroach?

Detective Stella Bonasera: It's not illegal to be a sociopath.

What Schemes May Come [3.20][edit]

Stella: Somebody kissed his ring. Lipstick kiss.
Flack: Maybe our Lancelot had a rendezvous with Guinevere in the park?

[describing the woman he saw]
J.J. Huntsville: She was mostly in the shadows. She had great legs though. And the outfit she had on could fit in a martini glass.

Peyton: (about the victim being alive) I'm the one who pronounced him dead.
Mac: Based on what?
Peyton: Based on eight years of training and another eight years on the job. I haven't forgotten how to tell if a vic is alive or dead, Mac!

Danny: We saw a rat with an ear on its back. I'm mean, I've got to be honest, I can handle dead bodies obviously, floaters, old ladies cut in little pieces, but mix and match with different species.
Mac: Now what's the expression? Progress is a great thing, it just went on for too long.

Detective Don Flack: I'm so glad that figuring this stuff out, is your job, not mine.

Stella Bonasera: Planning your fantasy death is the ultimate finale to life.
Don Flack: Yeah, but we're talking about an ice pick to the brain, Stella. I think you might be romanticizing.

Detective Mac Taylor: He took a genetics course from you, at university last year.
Quinn Brookman: I've had lots of students.
Detective Mac Taylor: But only one helped you steal a body.

Mac Taylor: You ready for the answer?
Stella: Whatever the outcome, I am bound and determined to live every day to the fullest.

Past Imperfect [3.21][edit]

Hawkes: I need all his clothes removed and bagged. What's his status?
Doctor Marc Bergstrom: His white blood cell count's off the charts, he's got internal bleeding in his GI track and his organs are showing signs of failure. Other than that he's fine.

[Stella and Don arrive at a key party to question people]
Detective Stella Bonasera: I thought lock and key parties went out in the seventies.
Detective Don Flack: Apparently they've had resurgence. Who knew?
Rene Vanderfeld: Don't be shy. Everybody's a bit nervous their first time out.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Actually we're not here to participate.
Rene Vanderfeld: [looking suggestively at Stella] That's our loss.
Detective Don Flack: We're NYPD.
Rene Vanderfeld: I'm so sorry! That's right, you called earlier. I was expecting big burly men with guns.
Detective Don Flack: If you'd focused your attention in my direction, you might see one.

Danny: I'm gonna head out to Brighton Beach, 'cause one of the guys who got busted with Scott Colson owns a Russian food joint, called Sokov's.
Lindsay: If the guy took his chances running with the Russian mob, maybe his past finally caught up with him.
Danny: Da! (as Lindsay laughs)

Yuri Sokov: I'm an American citizen.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah? With a rap sheet as long as the Constitution.

Detective Stella Bonasera: You let a lady stumble home drunk? What a gentleman you are.

Mac Taylor: The way I feel has never affected the way I do my job.
Don Flack: My weakness, I guess. Every hood Truby ever collared is going to be angling for a get-out-of-jail-free pass. Clay Dobson was just the first in line.
Mac: You having a good time, saying I told you so?
Flack: No.

Mac: (looking around the work firm) Nice place, Dobson, looks like your father's doing quite well for himself.
Clay Dobson: Detective Taylor, I was just about to send you a fruit basket. You're the reason I'm out of jail, indirectly, of course. If you're looking for an architect, I think we might be a little out of your price range.

Cold Reveal [3.22][edit]

(about the fallen-angel victim)
Flack: Got no ID on the vic. Could be a Michael or Gabriel. They say it's tough to make it in Manhattan, Heaven must be brutal.
Mac: Yeah.
Flack: Still checking Missing Persons and Nostradamus.

Lindsay: What about this website? It's encouraging kids to hurt themselves. That can't be legal.
Mac: Contests aren't a crime. Neither is stupidity or bad judgement.

Detective Mac Taylor: I was just wondering. When you were making all those arrests, locking up bad guys, were you imagining a day when you'd be so busy kissing the Chief of Detective's ass you wouldn't remember what it was like to be a cop?
Insp. Stanton Gerrard: You son of a bitch. I don't deserve that. You know I'm here because...
Detective Mac Taylor: You don't have to explain it Inspector, I get it. You're just a puppet. I'll take my case to the badge that pulls the strings.

Don Flack: You know, Mac... the uh, the Department decides to go through with their internal investigation, I'm gonna have to answer questions. All I know is what you told me when I got up to the top.
Mac Taylor: Like I told the DA, I did not toss Clay Dobson off that roof. This investigation is nothing but a big political show.
Flack: Yeah, regardless, the media's soaking the story up, and by the time they're done with it, your word may not be good enough, Mac.

Comes Around [3.23][edit]

Clay Dobson: I cut off their eyelids. So they'd have to look at me while they died! Okay?
Det. Mac Taylor: Now you're going to look at me when you die.

[Mac storms out of his disciplinary hearing]

Det. Don Flack: What did you just walk out?
Det. Mac Taylor: Apparently I'm the kind of guy who does whatever he wants, why disappoint them?

Det. Mac Taylor: Remember your first collar?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Oh, yeah. [Stella snickers] A shoplifter on 43rd and Eighth Avenue. This guy took one of those "I Love New York" t-shirts from the souvenir shop. It was the proudest moment in my life. [Stella laughs] Two days later, I arrested him again in the same store.

Danny Messer: It's nice, ain't it though? Bein' cooperative?
John McEnroe: [shrugs] Not bad.

Danny Messer: Why do we do what we do, huh?
Don Flack: What do you mean?
Danny: Why do we wake up in the morning at three o'clock, stand at a crime scene in the freezing cold, living paycheck-to-paycheck, for what? To protect and serve? Serve who, the public? Sometimes it seems like they hate us, and then, here we got the brass ready to throw us to the lions.
Flack: (shrugs) We do it cause we're good at it. Maybe we'd be lousy at anything else. I don't know. Maybe we do it for the one or two times somebody actually thanks us for finding their son's murderer.

Peyton: No apparent cause of death and the tox report didn't indicate anything helpful, but I knew something was wrong so... [noticing Mac looking gloomy] so I decided just to cut the poor bastard's liver up and make a lovely pate and everybody in the lab just adored it.

[after getting dirt on his boss, which forces him to back off the investigation into Mac and how Clay Dobson ended up falling from a roof where he was with Mac]

Det. Mac Taylor: [smirks] You know, I think I'm getting the hang of this politics stuff.

Stella: Better watch yourself, all this publicity may backfire. Sinclair might just have to make you his Deputy Commissioner.
Mac: I'm very happy where I am, thank you.
Stella: Hm, that's good. Must've been satisfying seeing the look on Sinclair's face when he realized you had him.
Mac: [Seriously] I don't take pleasure in someone else's discomfort Stella. [Laughing] Yes, it was incredibly satisfying.

Snow Day [3.24][edit]

Flack: I'm not used to looking down the barrel of an AK-47, but I'll be all right.

Lindsay: I dreamt that I woke up and you were gone. You left a note.
Danny: Where would I go? This is my place.
Lindsay: (giggling) I was hoping for a better answer.
Danny: Just kidding. I'm glad this happened. (kisses her forehead)
Lindsay: Me, too. (kisses his chest)

(as she's inviting Mac to London with tickets ready)
Peyton: Mac, I was thinking with everything you've been going through and because you adore me, and you do adore me, it would be just great if you could take some of the seven weeks of vacation you've collected and, well, come with me to London.
Mac: You bought the ticket?
Peyton: (eagerly) I really want you to say yes.

[as they are playing pool]
Danny: There's no way you're gonna make this shot too, Montana.
Lindsay: A Benjamin says I do. [makes the shot] You owe me $100.00.
Danny: You know what? You're gonna have to wait 'til payday.
Lindsay: [voiceover as flashback of them kissing begins] No. You either pay me now, or come up with something better. flashback continues as they have sex]

(to the bad guy tied to the chair)
Mac: Very simple really. Should you manage to get out of that tape, or try to leave this room, or somebody tries to save you, these lasers which trigger the pipe bomb I connected to that canister of hydrogen gas. There's enough in there to kill you, and make the cleaning crew very unhappy.

Lindsay: I'm sorry.
Danny: What? What are you sorry about?
Lindsay: You're not supposed to be here. You took my shift.