Twelfth Doctor

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Doctor Who — Incarnations of The Doctor : 1st - 2nd - 3rd - 4th - 5th - 6th - 7th - 8th - War - 9th - 10th - 11th - 12th
Companions : Jack Harkness · Martha Jones · Donna Noble · Clara Oswald · Amy Pond · River Song · Rose Tyler · Rory Williams
Adversaries : Cybermen · Daleks · The Great Intelligence · The Master · Rassilon

This page is a collection of quotations from the era of the twelfth official incarnation of The Doctor from the BBC science fiction television programme Doctor Who, portrayed by Scottish actor Peter Capaldi.

I am not … a "good man"! … And I'm not a bad man. … I am not a "hero" — and I'm definitely not a President — and no — I'm not an officer! … You know what I am? … I AM an IDIOT! … with a box — and a screwdriver passing through, helping out, learning.

Recurring phrases[edit]

"Pudding brain"
In "Deep Breath" (twice).
In "Robot of Sherwood"
In "Flatline" (thrice).
"It's a roller coaster with you!"
In "Into the Dalek".
In "The Caretaker".
"Shut up!"

2013 specials[edit]

Kidneys! I've got new kidneys! I don't like the colour.

The Day of the Doctor[edit]

(23 November 2013)
The General: I didn't know when I was well off. All twelve of them!
Androgar: No, sir. [Another TARDIS flies into view] All thirteen! [The Twelfth Doctor's hand and eyes appear.]

The Time of the Doctor[edit]

(25 December 2013)
[The Doctor has regenerated]
The Doctor: Kidneys! I've got new kidneys! I don't like the colour.
Clara: Of your kidneys? [The TARDIS starts shaking] What's happening?!
The Doctor: We're probably crashing. Oh!
Clara: Into what?!
The Doctor: [pressing buttons] Stay calm! Just one question... Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?

Series 8[edit]

Deep Breath [8.1][edit]

(23 August 2014)
The Doctor: [to Strax] Come on, Clara, you know that I speak Dinosaur.
Clara: He's not Clara. I'm Clara!
The Doctor: Well, you're very similar heights. Maybe you should wear labels.

The Doctor: Who invented this room?!
Clara: Doctor, please, you have to lie down.
The Doctor: It doesn't make sense. Look, it's only got a bed in it. Why is there only a bed in it?
Clara: Because it's a bedroom. It's for sleeping in.
The Doctor: Okay, what do you do when you're awake?
Jenny: You leave the room.
The Doctor: So you've got a whole room for not being awake in? But what's the point? You're just missing the room. And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious.
Clara: Doctor, please. You have to lie down, you keep passing out.
The Doctor: Well, of course I keep passing out. There's all these beds.

The Doctor: [runs to a door, opens it] Door. Boring. Not me. [runs to a window, opens it, manic grin] Me!

Barney: I don't like it.
The Doctor: What?
Barney: Your face!
The Doctor: Well, I don't like it either! It's all right up to the eyebrows, then it just goes haywire! Look at the eyebrows. These are attack eyebrows. You can take bottle tops off with these!
Barney: They are mighty eyebrows, indeed, sir.
The Doctor: They're cross! They're crosser than the rest of my face. They're independently cross! They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and set up their own independent state of eyebrows! Oh, that's Scots... I am Scottish. Haven't I? I've gone Scottish?
Barney: Yes, you are. You are definitely Scots, sir. I... I hear it in your voice.
The Doctor: Oh, no, that's good. [he practices the 'oh' sound] It's good I'm Scottish. I'm Scottish. I am Scottish. I can complain about things, I can really complain about things.

The Doctor: Look... [shows Barney a newspaper clipping about the recent "spontaneous combustion" case] Spontaneous combustion.
Barney: What devilry is this, sir?
The Doctor: I don't know, but I'd probably blame the English.

The Doctor: [confronting the Half-Faced Man] This is your power source. And feeble though it is, I can use it to blow this whole room if I see one thing that I don't like. And that includes karaoke and mimes, so take no chances.

The Doctor: [to Clara] You're great on adrenaline. [to the Half-Faced Man] And you're out of your depth, sir. Never try and control a control freak.
Clara: I am not a control freak!
The Doctor: Yes ma'am.

The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I've lived for over two thousand years, and not all of them were good. I've made many mistakes, and it's about time I did something about that. Clara, I'm not your boyfriend.
Clara: I never thought you were.
The Doctor: I never said it was your mistake.

The Doctor: [to Clara] You can't see me, can you? You... you look at me and you can't see me. Do you have any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone, I'm right here. Standing in front of you. Please, just.... Just see me.

Into the Dalek [8.2][edit]

You asked me if you were a good man. And the answer is, I don't know. But I think you try to be. And I think that's probably the point.
The Doctor: Wow, a molecular nano-scaler!
Journey: You know what it does, then?
The Doctor: It miniaturises living matter. What's the medical application, though? Do you shrink the surgeons so they can climb inside the patients?
Morgan: Exactly.
The Doctor: Fantastic idea for a movie. Terrible idea for a proctologist.

The Doctor: This is Clara. Not my assistant. She's... er... some other word.
Clara: I'm his carer.
The Doctor: Yeah, my carer. She cares so I don't have to.

The Doctor: Dalek mutants are born hating. This is what stokes the fire, extinguishes the tiniest glimmer of kindness, compassion. Imagine the worst possible thing in the Universe, and then don't bother because you're looking at it right now. This is evil refined as engineering.

"Rusty" the Dalek: Victory is yours. But it does not please you.
The Doctor: You looked inside me, and you saw hatred. That's not victory. Victory would've been a good Dalek.
"Rusty" the Dalek: I am not a good Dalek. You are a good Dalek.

Clara: [to the Doctor] You asked me if you were a good man. And the answer is, I don't know. But I think you try to be. And I think that's probably the point.

Robot of Sherwood [8.3][edit]

(6 September 2014)
The Doctor: Old-fashioned heroes only exist in old-fashioned storybooks, Clara.
Clara: What about you?
The Doctor: Me?
Clara: Yeah. You. You stop bad things happening every minute of every day. That sounds pretty heroic to me.
The Doctor: [modestly] Just passing the time.

The Doctor: You're not serious.
Robin: [amused] I'm many things, sir, but I'm never that. Robin Hood laughs in the face of all. Ha ha ha!
The Doctor: And do people ever punch you in the face when you do that?
Robin: Not as yet.
The Doctor: Lucky I'm here, then, isn't it?

The Doctor: Listen to me. It doesn't have to end like this. Shut it all down, return Clara to me and I'll do what I can.
Sheriff of Nottingham: I don't have Clara.
The Doctor: Robin's one of yours.
Sheriff of Nottingham: What did you say?
The Doctor: He's one of your tin-headed puppets, just like these brutes here.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Robin Hood is not one of mine.
The Doctor: Of course he is. He's a robot, created by your mechanical mates.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Why would they do that?
The Doctor: To pacify the locals, give them false hope. He's the opiate of the masses.
Sheriff of Nottingham: [scoffs] Why would we create an enemy to fight us? What sense would that make? That would be a terrible idea.
The Doctor: Yes! [frowns, considering this] Yes, it would... Wouldn't it? Yes, that would be a rubbish idea! Why would you do that? [stops] But he can't be... He's not real... He's a legend!
Robin: Too kind! And this legend does not come alone.

Robin: So, is it true, Doctor?
The Doctor: Is what true?
Robin: That in the future I am forgotten as a real man. I am but a legend.
The Doctor: I'm afraid it is.
Robin: Hmm... Good. History is a burden. Stories can make us fly.
The Doctor: I'm still having a little trouble believing yours, I'm afraid.
Robin: Is it so hard to credit? That a man born into wealth and privilege should find the plight of the oppressed and weak too much to bear... until one night he is moved to steal a TARDIS? Fly among the stars, fighting the good fight? Clara told me your stories.
The Doctor: [irritated] She should not have told you any of that.
Robin: Well, once the story started, she could hardly stop herself. You are her hero, I think.
The Doctor: I'm not a hero.
Robin: Well neither am I. But if we both keep pretending to be — ha ha — perhaps others will be heroes in our name. Perhaps we will both be stories. And may those stories never end. [they shake hands] Goodbye, Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey.
The Doctor: Goodbye, Robin Hood, Earl of Loxley.
Robin: And remember, Doctor… I'm just as real as you are.

Listen [8.4][edit]

Logically, if evolution were to perfect a creature whose primary skill were to hide from view, how could you know it existed? It could be with us every second and we would never know. How would you detect it? Even sense it?
(13 September 2014)
The Doctor: Listen! Question: Why do we talk out loud when we know we're alone? Conjecture: because we know we are not. Evolution perfects survival skills. There are perfect hunters. There is perfect defense. Question: Why is there no such thing as perfect hiding? Answer: How would you know? Logically, if evolution were to perfect a creature whose primary skill were to hide from view, how could you know it existed? It could be with us every second and we would never know. How would you detect it? Even sense it? Except in those moments when, for no clear reason, you choose to speak aloud. What would such a creature want? What would it do?

The Doctor:[to Rupert] Are you scared? The thing on the bed, whatever it is… Look at it, does it scare you?
Rupert: Yes.
The Doctor: Well, that's good. Want to know why that's good?
Rupert: Why?
The Doctor: Let me tell you about scared. Your heart is beating so hard -- I can feel it through your hands! There's so much blood and oxygen pumping through your brain, it's like rocket fuel. Right now, you could run faster and you could fight harder. You can jump higher than ever in your life. And you are so alert, it's like you can slow down time. What's wrong with scared? Scared is a super power! It's your super power! There is danger in this room, and guess what? It's you. Do you feel it? [Rupert nods. The Doctor nods at the creature on the bed] Think he feels it? Do you think he's scared? [Rupert shakes his head] [mockingly] Nah. Loser.

The Doctor: Lovely view out this window.
Clara: Yeah. Come and see all the... dark.
The Doctor: That deep and lovely dark. We'd never see the stars without it.

The Doctor: What's that in the mirror? Or the corner of your eye?
What's that footstep following, but never passing by?
Perhaps they're all just waiting, perhaps when we're all dead,
Out they'll come a-slithering from underneath the bed.

Clara: Listen… This is just a dream. But very clever people can hear dreams. So please, just listen. I know you're afraid, but being afraid is alright. Because didn't anybody ever tell you that fear is a superpower? Fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger. And one day, you're going to come back to this barn, and on that day, you are going to be very afraid indeed. But that’s ok. Because if you’re very wise, and very strong, fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly… fear can make you kind. It doesn't matter if there’s nothing under the bed or in the dark, so long as you know it's ok to be afraid of it. So, listen. If you listen to nothing else, listen to this. You're always going to be afraid, even if you learn to hide it. fear is like… a companion. A constant companion, always there. But that's ok. Because fear can bring us together. Fear can bring you home. I'm going to leave you something, just so you’ll always remember… fear makes companions of us all.

Time Heist [8.5][edit]

(20 September 2014)
Clara: [To the Doctor, as the TARDIS phone rings] There you go, you've got another playmate. [The Doctor goes to answer the phone.] Don't.
The Doctor: Why not?
Clara: Because if you answer it, something will happen.
The Doctor: What?
Clara: A thing.
The Doctor: It's just a phone, Clara. Nothing happens when you answer the phone. [The Doctor picks up the phone, and they suddenly find themselves in an unknown location.]

Clara: What if the plan is we're blowing up the floor for someone else? What if we're not supposed to make it out alive?
The Doctor: Don't be so pessimistic. It'll affect team morale.
Saibra: What? And getting us blown up won't?
The Doctor: Only very, very briefly.

Psi: I still don't get why you're in charge.
The Doctor: Basically, it's the eyebrows.

The Doctor: So much mental traffic in the universe. Solitude is the only peace.

The Doctor: Robbin' a bank. Robbin' a whole bank. Beat that for a date.

The Caretaker [8.6][edit]

(27 September 2014)
Clara: Are there aliens in this school?
The Doctor: Listen, it's lovely talking to you, but I've really got to get on. I'm the caretaker, now. Look, I've got a brush.
Clara: Doctor. Is there an alien in this school?
The Doctor: Yes, me. Now go. The walls need sponging, and there's a sinister puddle.

Clara: What's that?
The Doctor: A scanner. I'm scanning. Why do I keep you around?
Clara: Because the alternative would be developing a conscience of your own. Scanning for what?
The Doctor: Any alien technology in this vicinity should show up. I used to have a teacher exactly like you.
Clara: You still do. Pay attention.

Courtney: What's in the box? It's not really a policeman, is it?
The Doctor: You want to know what's in that box? I'll tell you what's in that box! It's a Time Machine! It also travels in space! And it usually contains a man who just wants to get on with his work of preventing the end of the world — but keeps on getting interrupted by boring little humans!
Courtney: Cool! So that's really a spaceship!
The Doctor: I'm serious. I'm trying to save this planet.
Courtney: End of the world for me tonight whatever you do. Parent's evening.
The Doctor: Is your name really Disruptive Influence?
Courtney: Courtney Woods. Can I go in space?
The Doctor: I'll let you know. I may have a vacancy. But not right now.

The Doctor: That is really, really brilliant. How can you think I'm her dad when we look exactly the same age?
Clara: We don't look the same age
The Doctor: I was being kind.

Danny: You're using her like a decoy?
The Doctor: No, not like a decoy, as a decoy.

Kill the Moon [8.7][edit]

(4 October 2014)
Clara: Tell me what you knew, Doctor, or I'll smack you so hard you'll regenerate.
The Doctor: I knew that eggs are not bombs. I know they don't usually destroy their nests. Essentially what I knew was: you would always make the best choice. I had faith that you'd always make the right choice.
Clara: Honestly, d'you have music playin' in your head when you say rubbish like that?
The Doctor: It wasn't my decision, I told you.

Clara Oswald: Shut up! I am so sick of listening to you!
The Doctor: Well, I didn't do it for Courtney. I didn't know what was going to happen. D'you think I'm lying?
Clara: I don't know. I don't know! If you didn't do it for her, I mean... D'know what? It was cheap. It was pathetic. No, no, no, it was patronising! That was you patting us on the back, saying "You're big enough to go to the shops yourself now. Go on, Toddle along".
The Doctor: No, that was me allowing you to make a choice about your own future. That was me... respecting you.
Clara: Oh my god, really? Was it? Yeah, well respected is not how I feel! [Clara sobs]
The Doctor: Right, OK.
Clara: I nearly didn't press that button! I nearly got it wrong. That was you, my friend, making me scared... Making me feel like a bloody idiot.
The Doctor: Language.
Clara: Oh, don't you ever tell me to mind my language! Don't you ever tell me to take the stabilisers off my bike! And don't you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable! You walk our Earth, Doctor, you breath our air, you make us your friend. That is your moon, too, Doctor, and you can damn well help us when we need it!
The Doctor: I was helping.
Clara: What, by clearing off?
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: Yeah? Well, clear off! Go On! Get back in your lonely... your lonely bloody TARDIS, and you don't come back — and you don't come back.
[Clara storms towards the doors]
The Doctor: Clara! Clara!
Clara: You go away. And you don't come back. OK? You go a long way away.

Mummy on the Orient Express [8.8][edit]

(11 October 2014)
The Doctor: You're doing it again.
Clara: Doing what?
The Doctor: You're smiling.
Clara: Yes, I'm smiling.
The Doctor: It's the sad smile. It's a smile but you're sad. It's like two emotions at once. It's like you're malfunctioning.

The Doctor: [To himself] It's nothing. Nothing. Definitely. Sure. Ninety-nine percent sure. Really? Ninety-nine percent? That's quite high. Is that the figure you're sticking with? OK, OK, Seventy-Five. Well, that's jumped quite a bit. You've just lost twenty-four percent.

The Doctor: Hello. I am the Doctor, and I will be your victim this evening. Are you my mummy?

The Doctor: I couldn't risk Gus finding out my plan and stopping me.
Clara: So you were... pretending to be heartless?
The Doctor: Would you like to think that about me? Would that make it easier? I didn't know if I could save her. I couldn't save Quell, I couldn't save Moorhouse. There was a good chance that she'd die too. At which point... I would have just moved on to the next... and the next, until I beat it. Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.

Flatline [8:9][edit]

(18 October 2014)
Fenton: Are we really running away from Killer Graffiti? This is insane!
The Doctor: I agree, we've got to think of a better name for them than that.

The Doctor: [confronting the monsters] I tried to talk. I want you to remember that. I tried to reach out. I tried to understand you, but I think that you understand us perfectly. And I think that you just don't care! And I don't know whether you're here to invade, infiltrate or just replace us. I don't suppose it really matters now. You are monsters! That is the role you seem determined to play, so it seems that I must play mine: the man that stops the monsters. I'm sending you back to your own dimension. Who knows? Some of you may even survive the trip. And if you do, remember this: You are not welcome here! This plane is protected! I am the Doctor, and I name you the Boneless!

The Doctor: [To Rigsy] Your last painting saved the world. I can't wait to see what you do next.

In the Forest of the Night [8:10][edit]

We are here. Here always since the beginning and until the end.
After your wars are over, we will still be here. We are the Life that prevails.
What? Coronal ejections, geomagnetic storms, how often do you get a playlist like that?
(25 October 2014)
Maebh: [Sprites suddenly appear] They're lovely! They don't like it when you're holding them. They want you to let them go.
The Doctor: Who are they?
Sprites: [through Maebh] We are here. Here always since the beginning and until the end.
The Doctor: Here, that's it?
Sprites: We are the green shoots that grow between the cracks. The grass that grows over the mass graves. After your wars are over, we will still be here. We are the life that prevails.
The Doctor: Why now? Why are you here now?
Sprites: We hear the call and we come. As we came before to the great north forest, where we lie still in the great circle, as we came to the vast southern forest.
The Doctor: Who's calling you now?
Sprites: The sun that creates, the sun that destroys. You are hurting us, let us go.
The Doctor: You sent for me. The girl came looking for me. Why? Why me?
Sprites: We did not... send... pain, did not send for you. We don't know you. We were here before you, and we'll be here after you.

Clara: This really is gonna happen, isn't it?
The Doctor: Stars implode, planets grow cold, catastrophe is the metabolism of the universe. I can fight monsters, I can't fight physics.
Clara: Why would trees want to kill us? We love trees.
The Doctor: You've been chopping them down for furniture for centuries. If that's love, no wonder they're calling down fire from the heavens.
Clara: But we saw the future. Lots of futures. Earth's futures.
The Doctor: They're about to be erased.
Clara: If you can't save them all, save what you can. TARDIS. It's a lifeboat, isn't it? Not everybody has to die.

Clara: So, trip to space, anyone?
Ruby: I want my mum.
Boy: I slightly want my mum too.
Clara: Tell them, Mr. Pink, what an educational opportunity...
Danny: You... You go. This... this is enough for me.
Clara: What? Coronal ejections, geomagnetic storms, how often do you get a playlist like that?
Danny: I was a soldier. I put myself at risk. I didn't try too hard to survive but somehow, here I am. And now I can see what I nearly lost and it's enough. I don't want to see more things, I want to see the things that are in front of me more clearly. There are wonders here, Clara Oswald. Bradley saying "please", that's a wonder. One person is more amazing... harder to understand, but more amazing than universes.
Clara: Really? What person is that, then? [They kiss]

The Doctor: It’s the human superpower: forgetting. If you remembered how things felt, you’d have stopped having wars. And stopped having babies.

Dark Water [8.11][edit]

(1 November 2014)
The Doctor: You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. You let me down!
Clara: Then why are you helping me?
The Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

Missy: Hello. I hope you're well. How may I assist you with your death?
The Doctor: Well, there is, er, no immediate hurry. We're just, er. We're just…
Clara: Browsing.
Doctor: Yeah, yeah, browsing.
Missy: Please, take all the time you need. At 3W, you always have the rest of your life.
Doctor: Oh, good. That's good to know, Clara, isn't it?
Clara: Yeah. Great.
Doctor: Exactly what is 3W?
Missy: Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.
Doctor: Well, you know, it's just an unexpected—
Missy: [Missy lunges at the Doctor, pushing him against the wall, kissing him intently. The Doctor grabs the wall for support. Missy kisses his nose thrice and steps back.] Welcome to the 3W institute.
Doctor: Clara, is it over now?
Clara: I think it's over, yeah.
Missy: You also have not received the official welcome package. [Leans in to Clara]
Clara: Oh, I'm good, thanks. No worries.

Missy: My heart is maintained by the Doctor.
The Doctor: Doctor who?
Missy: [yelling] Dr Chang!

Dr Chang: White noise off the telly. We've all heard it. A few years ago, Dr Skarosa, our founder, did something unexpected: he played that noise through a translation matrix of his own devising. This is a recording of what he heard.
[Chang plays the white noise, revealing it to be many human voices]
Clara: Okay, people, voices…
The Doctor: So what?
Dr Chang: Over time, Dr Skarosa became convinced these were the voices of the recently departed. He believed it was a telepathic communication from the dead.
The Doctor: Why, was he an idiot?
Dr Chang: He was able to isolate some of the voices, hear what they were saying.
The Doctor: So, an idiot, then?
Clara: Shut up, Doctor.
Dr Chang: What I'm about to play for you will change your life, and not for the better. These are the three words that caused Dr Skarosa to set up institutes like one, all over the world, to protect the dead. If you'd rather not hear these words, there's still t–
The Doctor: [exasperated] Can you just hurry up, please? Or I'll hit you with my shoe.
[Chang plays the voice]
Voice: [repeating] Don't cremate me… don't cremate me…
Dr Chang: There is one simple, horrible possibility that has never occurred to anyone throughout human history.
Clara: [horrified] Don't say it.
Dr Chang: The dead remain conscious. The dead remain fully aware of everything that is happening to them.

Missy: You know the key strategic weakness of the human race? The dead outnumber the living.
The Doctor: Who are you?
Missy: Oh, you know who I am. I'm Missy.
The Doctor: Who's Missy?
Missy: [groans in irritation] Please, try to keep up. Short for "Mistress". Well, couldn't very well keep calling myself the Master, now could I?

Death in Heaven [8.12][edit]

(8 November 2014)
Kate Lethbridge-Stewart: [to the Cybermen] Afternoon. You've picked a lovely day for it. My, don't you look shiny? [to the Doctor] Haircut?
The Doctor: Bit of a trim.
Kate: Might want to do your roots. [motions to a soldier to take Missy] The woman. [to the Cybermen] Kate Stewart: divorcee, mother of two, keen gardener, outstanding bridge player. Also, Chief Scientific Officer of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce, who currently have you surrounded.
Cyberman: Human weaponry is not effective against Cyber technology.
Kate: Sorry, you left this behind on one of your previous attempts. [throws down a damaged Cyberman head.] So, now that I have your attention, welcome to the only planet on the universe where we get to say this: He's on the payroll.
The Doctor: Am I?
Kate: Well, technically.
The Doctor: How much?
Kate: Shush. [to the Cybermen] Any questions?

The Doctor: Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict.

The Doctor: I am not a good man! I'm not a bad man. I'm not a hero. I'm definitely not a president, and no, I'm not an officer. You know who I am? I... am... an idiot! With a box and a screwdriver. Passing through. Helping out. Learning. I don't need an army. I never have. Because I've got them, always them, because love is not an emotion. Love is a promise, and he will never hurt her. P.E., catch! [Tosses the control bracelet to Danny before turning to Missy] You didn't notice, did you? While you were doing all your silly orders, while you were showing off, the one soldier not obeying?

The Doctor: [realises the cyberman is the Brigadier] Of course... the Earth's darkest hour and mine. Where else would you be? [Salutes] Thank you.

Series 9[edit]

Last Christmas [9.X][edit]

(25 December 2014)
The Doctor: Do you know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart?
Ashley: What?
The Doctor: They're both ridiculous.

The Doctor: [to Shona] You missed a killer question.
Shona: Sorry, what?
The Doctor: [to Santa] How'd you get all the presents in the sleigh?
Santa: Bigger on the inside.

The Doctor: There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you!

The Doctor: You know what I hate about the obvious?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Missing it!

Santa: You are deep inside this dream, alright. And it is a shared mental state so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically...
The Doctor: [Interrupting] No! No, no, no! Line in the sand! Santa Claus does not do the scientific explanation!
Santa: Oh. As the Doctor might say, "Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy."
The Doctor: Why don't you just go and make a naughty list.
Santa: I have, mate, and you're on it.
The Doctor: Don't give me that look. You're supposed to be all warm and friendly and cheerful.
Santa: Oh yeah, look at your great bedside manner.
The Doctor: Don't be so hostile!
Clara: Doctor, behave.

The Doctor: The TARDIS is outside
Clara: So?
The Doctor: So all of time and all of space is sitting out there. A big blue box. Please don't even argue.

The Magician's Apprentice [9.1][edit]

(19 September 2015)
Missy: Okay, cutting to the chase. Not dead. Back. Big surprise. Never mind.

The Doctor: Now, you lotǃ I have been here all day, and it's been a great dayǃ
Borsː You've been here for three weeksǃ
The Doctor: [softly] Three weeks? It must be nearly bedtime. [shouting to the crowd] Well, we've partied! [The crowd cheers] Yes! I helped you dig a well, with a first-class, child-friendly visitor centre! I've given you some top-notch maths tuition in a fun, but relevant way! And I have also introduced the word "dude" several centuries early! Let me hear you!
Crowdː Dude!
The Doctor: Are you a Renaissance...?
Crowdː Dude!
The Doctor: Are you a medieval...?
Crowdː Dude!
The Doctor: I am a dragon-slaying...?
Crowdː Dude!
The Doctor: We are all the young...?
Crowdː Dudes!

[The Doctor plays the riff to 'Mickey' as Missy struts into the arena]
Missy: What the hell are you up to, man?
The Doctor: [to the crowd] It's the Wicked Stepmother! Everyone... hiss!
[The Doctor plays a riff. Missy mugs for the crowd as it boos and hisses]
Missy: [holding up the confession dial] Well, apparently, you think you're going to die tomorrow.
The Doctor: Well. I've got some good news about that.
Missy: Oh, yeah?
The Doctor: It's still today!
Missy: Oh, that's right. [The Doctor plays the wah-wah-wah sound effect]

The Doctor: Skaro! You've brought me to Skaro.
Davros: Where does an old man go to die, but with his children?

[Clara is surrounded by Daleks]
Davros: See how they play with her. See how they toy. They want her to run. They need her to run. Do you feel their need, Doctor? Their blood is screaming, "kill, kill, kill"! Hunter and prey, held in the ecstasy of crisis. Is this not life at its purest? [Clara runs]
Dalek: Exterminate! Exterminate! [the Daleks fire, Clara screams and vanishes as the death rays hit her]
The Doctor: Why have I ever let you live?
Davros: Compassion, Doctor. It has always been your greatest indulgence. Let this be my final victory. Let me hear you say it, just once. Compassion is wrong.

The Witch's Familiar [9.2][edit]

(26 September 2015)
[Having just survived being fired upon by Daleks, the Doctor sits calmly in Davros' chair, sipping a cup of tea.]
The Doctor: Now, the real question is: Where did he get the cup of tea? Answer: I'm the Doctor. Just accept it.

The Doctor: There's no such thing as the Doctor. I’m just a bloke in a box telling stories. I didn’t come here because I'm ashamed. A bit of shame never hurt anyone. I came… because you're sick and you asked. And because sometimes, on a good day, if I try very hard… I’m not some old Time Lord who ran away. I'm the Doctor.

Davros: Did I do right, Doctor? Tell me… was I right? I need to know before the end. Am I a good man?
The Doctor: You really are dying, aren't you?
Davros: Look at me. Did you doubt it?
The Doctor: Yes.
Davros: Then we have established one thing only.
The Doctor: What?
Davros: You are not… a good doctor. [After a moment, the Doctor laughs, and Davros laughs with him.]

The Doctor: Dalek Supreme, your sewers are revolting.

The Doctor: Come on. I'll take you home.
Young Davros: Which side are you on? Are you the enemy?
The Doctor: I'm not sure if any of that matters. Friends. Enemies. So long as there is mercy. Always mercy.

Under the Lake [9.3][edit]

(3 October 2015)

The Doctor: So who's in charge now? I need to know who to ignore.

The Doctor: (to Pritchard) It's okay, I understand. You're an idiot.

The Doctor: So, we are fighting an unknown homicidal force that has taken the form of your commanding officer and a cowardly alien, under water, in a nuclear reactor. Anything else I should know? Someone with a peanut allergy or something?

[Inside the TARDIS, Clara takes off her jacket and heads for the door to go back out into the danger.}
The Doctor: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Where do you think you're going?!
Clara: Out there. Where the action is.
The Doctor: Look, um...
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Oh, this is my own fault. I like adventures as much as the next man, if the next man is a man who likes adventures. Even so, don't... Don't go native.
Clara: What do you mean? I'm not.
The Doctor: Look, there's a whole dimension in here (spreads his hands out, indicating the TARDIS), but there's only room for one… me.
Clara: Wait… wait a second. You just raved about ghosts like a kid who had too much sherbet.
The Doctor: Do you know what you need? You need a hobby.
Clara: Oh, I really don't.
The Doctor: Or, even better, another relationship. Come on, you lot, you're bananas about relationships. You're always writing songs about them, or go to war, or gettin' tattooed.
Clara: Doctor. I'm fine.
The Doctor: I just… felt that I — I had to say something.
Clara: I know, and I appreciated it.
The Doctor: 'Cause I've got a duty of care.
Clara: (bemused) Which you take very seriously, I know.
The Doctor: So can I stop now?
Clara: Please. Please do.

The Doctor: Every time I think it can't get more extraordinary, it surprise me. It's impossible. I hate it. It's evil. It's astonishing. I want to kiss it to death.

Before the Flood [9.4][edit]

(10 October 2015)
The Doctor: [speaking to the audience] So, there's this man, he has a time machine. Up and down history he goes — zip, zip, zip, zip, zip — getting into scrapes. Another thing he has is a passion for the works of Ludwig van Beethoven. Then, one day, he thinks, "What's the point in having a time machine if you don't get to meet your heroes?" So, off he goes to 18th Century Germany, but he can't find Beethoven anywhere. No one's heard of him. Not even his family have any idea who the time traveller is talking about. Beethoven literally doesn't exist. This didn't happen, by the way. I've met Beethoven. Nice chap. Very intense. Loved an arm wrestle. No, this is called the bootstrap paradox. Google it. The time traveller panics. He can't bear the thought of a world without the music of Beethoven. Luckily, he'd brought all of his Beethoven sheet music for Ludwig to sign. So, he copies out all the concertos and the symphonies, and he gets them published. He becomes Beethoven. And history continues with barely a feather ruffled. [turns on his amplifier and puts on his electric guitar] My question is this: who put those notes and phrases together? Who really composed Beethoven's Fifth? [he plays the opening notes to Beethoven's Fifth on his guitar]

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